How To Fail With Elizabeth Day

Guest: Kate Hudson - ‘Fame is a tumultuous machine’

Episode Date: February 26, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode features acclaimed actress, entrepreneur, and now musician Kate Hudson. In a rich and honest conversation with Elizabeth Day, Kate unpacks her three most significant "failures": relationships, moments of conflict with her children, and business missteps. Together, they explore how these challenges have ultimately paved the way for greater growth, resilience, and self-compassion. Hudson also discusses fame, her creative process, and what it means to live authentically in the spotlight. The episode is warm, witty, vulnerable, and packed with tangible wisdom.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Kate Hudson’s Emotional Sensitivity and Fame

• Empathy and “Feeling Everything”
  • Kate describes herself as someone with “keen senses,” able to feel the beauty and pain of life acutely (05:00).
  • Quote: "It's like I walk into a day and I just can't wait to see what the day is going to bring. I look at a sky and I can feel everything about the beauty of it—even the most terrible days.” — Kate (05:27)
• Navigating Criticism and the Tumult of Fame
  • Growing up in a family of actors gave Kate early perspective on fame’s volatility (06:24).
  • She distinguishes between loving her craft and ignoring industry “noise”:
    Quote: “Talent will always win and work ethic…is just noise.” — Kate (07:19)
  • Early fame, especially in her 20s, was “intense” and at times felt “violating” (07:45).

Creative Work: Comedy, TV, and Music

• ‘Running Point’ & On-Screen Fun
  • Kate recalls shooting her Netflix show as “some of the hardest hours I've ever worked,” but the cast made it one of her “best times” (08:43).
  • Addresses gendered double standards in the workplace depicted in the show:
    Quote: “Men can fuck up when they get big jobs. Women have to be perfect off the bat.” — Quoted by Elizabeth from the show (09:50), with Kate’s enthusiastic agreement.
• On Being Underestimated and Supportive Partnerships
  • Kate credits women like Linda Obst for supporting her input early in her career, especially on “How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days” (12:35).
  • Quote: “…the fact that she took a 22-year-old young girl and empowered me to be a partner with her is not often.” — Kate (13:15)
• Stepping Into Music & Overcoming Vulnerability
  • Music was Kate’s most vulnerable creative dream, deferred out of fear and the Hollywood stigma on actors-turned-musicians (17:53).
  • A pivotal moment was singing at a friend’s engagement—helped by peer Maya Sykes—which “snapped her out” of stage fright (19:14).
  • COVID lockdown forced her to reckon with creative fulfillment:
    Quote: “I cannot be afraid to put it out in the world because I'll regret it.” (21:00)

First Failure: Relationships

• Redefining Failure and Taking Responsibility

  • Both Day and Hudson agree that ended relationships aren't real failures—they often teach the most.
    Quote: "The feeling of failure—or not being able to fix something—was the hardest thing about walking away from relationships.” — Kate (24:51)
  • Kate stresses self-reflection over blame:
    Quote: "There's only one common denominator, and it's going to be you...If you're not looking at what you're inviting in, or what you're putting out, then you're not going to change the pattern. You're going to keep failing.” — Kate (26:41)

• On Co-parenting and Blended Families

  • Highlights close, functional relationships with her children’s fathers (Matt Bellamy, among others), forming a strong, supportive modern family unit (27:03).

• Journey to Being Happily Alone

  • She describes a transformative period of deliberately abstaining from romantic distractions, leading to deep self-acceptance.
    Quote: “My life became so happy alone. I felt very connected to what I wanted to do...and when I went back into the dating world, my relationship to dating completely changed.” — Kate (30:36)

  • Emphasizes the importance of facing discomfort and relinquishing validation from others to find true contentment (31:10).

• Therapy: Deep Work, Then Living Life

  • Advocates for therapy, but warns against “therapy overload”:
    Quote: “…do the deep work, and then I'm out. Go experience your life and not always be in a therapy session.” — Kate (33:00)

Second Failure: Conflict as a Parent

• Owning Parental Mistakes

  • Kate describes moments where she let her temper get the best of her, especially with her oldest son (Ryder) (44:25).
  • She models admitting mistakes to children as key to healthy relationships:
    Quote: “I handled that wrong…I shouldn't have lost my temper on you.” — Kate, recounting a parenting moment (45:25)

• Values from Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell

  • Hudson outlines how her parents’ openness about their own flaws fostered an environment of unconditional support and lowered pressure (49:41).

• Parenting Multiple, Different Children

  • Recognizes that each child requires a unique approach, echoing insights from Dr. Shefali’s “The Conscious Parent” (52:38).

Third Failure: Business Ventures

• Entrepreneurship Lessons
  • Despite the success of Fabletics, Kate acknowledges setbacks and warns about the risk in “messing up” business or letting a weak pulse go unaddressed (55:00).
• Key Takeaways:
  • “Trust your gut all the way.”
  • Pivoting is crucial—don’t be afraid of changing direction (56:23).
  • Quote: “Give yourself permission to be like, it's time to walk away from this. It didn't work. And it doesn't mean the next thing won't.” (57:38)
  • Avoid people who absolve themselves of responsibility for past business failures (58:01).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Fame is a tumultuous machine. One minute you’re at the top, then the next minute you’re not getting paid to write this movie…You have to love it. Work ethic and talent will always win, the rest is just noise.” — Kate Hudson (06:30-07:15)
• “The fear of failure is what stops people from doing great things. You can’t do anything ever if you’re afraid to fail.” — Kate Hudson (16:16)
• “Relationships aren’t failures just because they end. The hardest thing is letting go of the idea that something ending means you failed.” — Elizabeth Day (24:05, paraphrased)
• “My life became so happy alone...when I went back into the dating world, my relationship to dating completely changed.” — Kate Hudson (30:36)
• “You will constantly fail as a parent. It’s more about how you handle it—admitting you made a mistake.” — Kate Hudson (46:44)
• “Trust your gut. Pivoting is key…be okay walking away from something.” — Kate Hudson (56:23)
• “Taking accountability and being brave enough to be responsible for your own imperfections is everything.” — Elizabeth Day (58:35)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Intro & Kate’s Emotional World – 04:00–06:30
• Perspective on Fame – 06:30–08:20
• New Projects: ‘Running Point’ & ‘Glorious’ – 08:20–14:00
• Fear of Failure & Music Story – 16:05–23:00
• Father Relationships & Biological Father’s Influence – 22:36–24:03
• Redefining Relationship “Failure” – 24:05–27:10
• Therapy and Learning Self-Validation – 28:34–33:45
• Current Relationship with Danny Fujikawa – 33:55–37:39
• Modern Family Dynamics & Co-Parenting – 42:27–45:00
• Parental Conflict and Learning from Mistakes – 44:25–47:35
• Parenting Lessons from Goldie and Kurt – 49:20–51:15
• Parenting Uniquely for Every Child – 52:38–54:57
• Business Failures & Lessons – 54:57–58:50

Tone & Takeaways

The conversation is candid, open-hearted, and filled with humor and self-reflection. Kate Hudson’s willingness to explore her flaws—whether in love, family, or business—is set against Elizabeth Day’s insightful and empathetic questioning. Together, they make the case that so-called failures are often the deepest sources of growth. Whether navigating Hollywood, heartbreak, or entrepreneurship, Hudson’s message is clear: Trust yourself, take ownership, and don’t fear the fall—because that’s where the learning is.