How To Fail with Elizabeth Day
Episode: Olivia Attwood – ‘It’s either vodka and a gay club until 5am, or hyperbaric oxygen’
Release Date: March 19, 2025
Host: Elizabeth Day
Guest: Olivia Attwood
Episode Overview
This episode of How To Fail features writer, presenter and former Love Island star Olivia Attwood. Renowned for coining the term “the ick” and her unapologetically honest persona, Olivia explores three personal failures that have defined her personal and professional growth:
- Outsourcing her sense of self-worth to others, especially within relationships.
- Neglecting self-care during years of low self-esteem.
- Struggles expressing vulnerability through crying.
From childhood anxieties and ADHD to the evolution of her career and the pressures of public scrutiny, Olivia brings a blend of dry wit and emotional candor. The conversation traverses friendship, fame, body image, family dynamics, and embracing imperfection.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. From Shy Child to TV Star
(04:12 – 07:05)
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Early Anxieties: Olivia recounts her childhood in Surrey, marked by shyness, anxiety, and discomfort with attention, stemming in part from dyslexia and later a diagnosis of ADHD.
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Masked ADHD: She describes her ADHD as “the classic high overachieving female who overcompensates” and notes the added pressure on young women to be socially acceptable.
“Society is less kind to us when we are annoying and breaking things and falling out of trees than they are to men and boys.” (06:07, Olivia Attwood)
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Growing Comfortable in the Spotlight: A pivotal shift occurred when Olivia found ways to control and direct the attention she received, as opposed to feeling helpless when singled out.
2. The Transition: Grid Girls and Gaining Independence
(08:41 – 09:49)
- Olivia credits her early work as a “grid girl” and promo modelling with giving her independence and drawing her out of toxic relationships.
- Despite the media’s negative focus on "sexualization," for Olivia this phase was “pivotal” for developing autonomy and meeting new people.
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“It got me away from a really shitty, horrible boyfriend. Like, physically gave me distance...” (09:05, Olivia Attwood)
3. Failure to Realize Her Worth Without Others
(09:51 – 22:26)
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Emotional Dependency: Olivia discusses a lifelong habit of clinging to others—parents, friends, then boyfriends—as “emotional crutches.”
“My parents, my mum did a really good job… but what I did was I just replaced that crutching on a parent… to friendships and then boyfriends.” (10:56, Olivia Attwood)
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People-Pleasing & Self-Effacement: She admits to shape-shifting in relationships, adapting herself to match partners at the expense of knowing her own needs.
“If I dated a guy that was a rocker… I’m wearing skinny jeans, the hair’s going dark… Then I’m dating a guy that’s really sporty—I’m sporty… I would go in to fit them, never to fit me.” (14:05, Olivia Attwood)
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Impact on Friendships: Olivia’s long-standing friendship with Charlotte highlights the value of female friends who are not competitive and want to see each other win.
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Breakthrough via Independence & Career: Only by stepping into her own purpose—accepting Love Island, building a TV career—did she begin to feel “important to myself” and recalibrate her self-worth.
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Host Parallel: Elizabeth Day shares her own journey of codependency in relationships and the liberating discovery of interdependence with her now husband.
“I outsourced my sense of self to other people… and I just didn’t know who I was. I was too scared to find out.” (13:25, Elizabeth Day)
4. Failure to Care for Herself (Self-Care & 90s Body Image)
(25:16 – 33:17)
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Neglect & Self-Esteem: During years of low self-esteem and undiagnosed ADHD, Olivia wasn’t eating well or prioritizing wellness, echoing the “stiff upper lip” mentality of her upbringing.
“When you really don’t love yourself, everything you do reflects that...” (25:28, Olivia Attwood)
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90s Pressures: The 90s “ladette culture” glamorized unhealthy lifestyles; being thin, partying, and not taking care of oneself were social currencies.
“Being thin and smoking and drinking was all just things that were social currency that we knew held value...” (27:35, Olivia Attwood)
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Body Image: Despite exterior confidence, Olivia admits she sometimes “over-invested” in her looks, feeling that “it was the only thing I had going.”
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Shifting Approach to Wellness: Now, Olivia prioritizes weights, nutrition, sleep, and “biohacking” tools. She describes herself as “either vodka and a gay club till 5am, or there’s like hyperbaric oxygen… supplements... Medispa... facials.”
“I’ve always been quite an extreme person. But there’s either... vodka and gay club till 5am or there’s like hyper oxygen.” (30:58, Olivia Attwood)
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Workaholism: Both Olivia and Elizabeth discuss “reclaiming” the word workaholic, noting that loving one’s work is a privilege but not to be expected or demanded of everyone.
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Self-Competition: Olivia mostly competes with herself, setting her own goals and pushing forward.
5. Failure to Cry: Emotional Expression & Family Dynamics
(34:47 – 44:58)
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Struggles with Vulnerability: Olivia describes difficulties crying or witnessing others cry. Childhood and early adulthood were tearful, but now she finds it uncomfortable and “stifled.”
“I have a really hard time with crying and I also have a really hard time with people crying. So please don’t cry.” (35:24, Olivia Attwood)
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Family Context: Olivia grew up in a family that was loving but reserved—“you just get on with it… I’ve never seen my dad cry.”
- Both Olivia and Elizabeth note they don’t regularly say “I love you” to family as adults—a custom that feels natural in her husband’s family but is “disarming” for her.
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Processing Emotion: Olivia internalizes sadness, sometimes expressing it as moodiness rather than tears, worrying that excessive crying would let her slip “off a cliff edge”—a hangover from years of emotional turmoil in her 20s.
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Cultural Shifts: They discuss how younger generations now dissect feelings more, and the value—and limits—of analyzing family patterns.
6. The “Ick” and Pop Culture Legacy
(41:00 – 41:40)
- Olivia recounts how she introduced “the ick” on Love Island, which then swept UK popular culture.
- She humorously laments not trademarking the term and reflects on its origins among her friendship group.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
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On ADHD Masking:
“Women… try to be socially acceptable because society is less kind to us when we are annoying and breaking things… than they are to men and boys.”
— Olivia Attwood (06:07) -
On Gaining Independence via Grid Girl Work:
“It got me away from a really shitty, horrible boyfriend. Like, physically gave me distance…”
— Olivia Attwood (09:05) -
On Codependency in Relationships:
“I would constantly, like, shape shift to whoever had come in and kind of wooed me… I would go in to fit them, never to fit me.”
— Olivia Attwood (14:05) -
On Recognizing True Friendship:
“To have a true friend is like someone that genuinely… wants you to win. There’s no conditions.”
— Olivia Attwood (15:24) -
On Seeking Permission to Be Herself:
“I didn’t feel important to myself… once I came out of Love Island and I started bleeding into other TV work, I felt like I was good at it. It changed everything.”
— Olivia Attwood (21:35) -
On 90s Cultural Pressures:
“Being thin and smoking and drinking was all just things that were social currency that we knew held value, which… had massive detrimental effects on our well being.”
— Olivia Attwood (27:35) -
On Loving Her Work:
“Of course, we’re workaholics! Look what we do for a job. It’s fucking awesome…”
— Olivia Attwood (32:16) -
On Emotional Boundaries:
“I don’t let it… because you can just go off a cliff edge, can’t you?… If I do cry now, I kind of pull the cord on myself.”
— Olivia Attwood (47:24) -
On Saying “I Love You”:
“If I was to call them and say I love you, they would probably think something was wrong with me or I was dying and I’d almost ruin their evening.”
— Olivia Attwood (43:12)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- [04:12] – Childhood, Dyslexia, ADHD and becoming comfortable with attention
- [09:51] – First failure: Outsourcing self-worth to others, codependency
- [14:34] – Shapeshifting in relationships (“the chameleon”)
- [15:24] – The power of true female friendship
- [21:35] – Realizing her own purpose post-Love Island
- [25:28] – Second failure: Failure to care for herself, self-esteem
- [27:35] – 90s body image, beauty standards, being “too into” her looks
- [30:58] – Embracing extremes: wild nights or extreme wellness
- [32:04] – Workaholism and loving the hustle
- [34:53] – Third failure: Struggling to cry and show vulnerability
- [41:00] – The “ick” and its Love Island origins
- [43:12] – Family, love language, and difficulty saying "I love you"
- [47:24] – Processing grief and setting boundaries with emotions
Conclusion
The episode is a rich, funny, and revealing exploration of Olivia Attwood’s journey from self-doubt to self-assurance, and from dependency to independence. She and Elizabeth Day dissect friendship, boundaries, culture, and gender, making space for candid admissions about success and struggle. Olivia’s willingness to embrace “failures” as learning data, her sharp humour, and the vulnerability she brings—however “constipated”—make this a standout conversation on the real work of becoming yourself.
For more on Olivia Attwood, Elizabeth Day, and the show, follow How To Fail with Elizabeth Day wherever you get your podcasts.