How To Fail With Elizabeth Day

Episode: ON BODY IMAGE… With Martine Wright and Paloma Faith

Date: October 27, 2025
Host: Elizabeth Day
Guests: Paloma Faith, Martine Wright

Episode Overview

This themed episode of How To Fail dives into the complexities of body image—how we see ourselves physically, how these perceptions are shaped by failure, and what can be learned from them. Elizabeth Day revisits compelling conversations with singer-songwriter Paloma Faith and Paralympian Martine Wright, exploring their very personal failures relating to body image, the scars and the strength these left, and the broader context of acceptance in a world that often sets narrow standards.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Paloma Faith: "Thrown out of Ballet School—Body Image and the Inner Bully"

[03:43]

• Early Experience With Body Rejection:
  Paloma was expelled from ballet school at age 10 for "showing signs of becoming curvy," underscoring the damaging standards the performance world can set for young bodies.

  • Quote:

    "I was thrown out because I showed signs of becoming curvy and that wasn't like, the correct body for a ballet dancer." (Paloma Faith, 03:46)

• Lasting Impact:
  This rejection led to persistent body negativity, ongoing into adulthood. Paloma notes how it set off a life-long obsession with her body and self-image, though she never developed an eating disorder. She candidly speaks about experiencing body dysmorphia.

  • Quote:

    "It was a bit of a blow. And then it made me sort of obsessed with it forever. Basically, that was it." (Paloma Faith, 04:32)

• Parenting and Body Positivity:
  Although she struggles herself, Paloma is intent on fostering body positivity in her children, believing influencing the next generation can be its own form of personal victory.

  • Quote:

    "Although I'm quite good at it with my children, I think. So as long as I can make two women be body positive, then I've succeeded setting realistic goals." (Paloma Faith, 04:32)

• Body Dysmorphia and Self-Critique:
  Paloma describes the disconnect between how she felt in her body and photographic reality, revealing the harsh, often illogical standards imposed by her "inner bully."

  • Quote:

    "Sometimes I look at photos and I just think I was huge in that photo. But then I'll see the photo and be like, I wasn't." (Paloma Faith, 05:01)

• Nature and Origin of the Inner Critic:
  Paloma and Elizabeth discuss whether self-critique is intrinsic or conditioned by experiences, especially from formative years in ballet and the pervasive media diet culture of the 90s.

  • Quote:

    "I call it the inner bully because it's sort of a permanent thing... it does also motivate you." (Paloma Faith, 06:43)

• Family Dynamics, Achievement, and Never Feeling Enough:
  Paloma shares that her mother was nurturing whereas her father pushed her constantly, never expressing satisfaction. This combination, alongside external criticism, contributed to a feeling of always having to prove herself.

  • Quote:

    "Even when I did well, he'd be like, why isn't it an A star if I said I got an A." (Paloma Faith, 07:05)

Martine Wright: "Redefining Failure After Catastrophe and Disability"

[08:46]

• Life-Altering Trauma:
  Martine lost both legs in the 7/7 London bombings. She describes how in a split second, her life and her sense of self changed entirely.

• Changing Relationship with Failure:
  Becoming disabled shifted Martine's perspective on failure and motivation. Her approach evolved to focus on what was possible rather than what was lost.

  • Quote:

    "I am still, in essence, Martine. I might have slightly shorter legs or thinner ankles. ... But I have changed. And as a result, I think those failures and what you achieve have failed. I suppose I have changed as well." (Martine Wright, 09:32)

• Coping with Memories and Creating New Ones:
  The hardest part of her recovery was living with the memory of her former self. Martine’s method of coping was to consciously create new, extraordinary experiences, such as learning to fly planes in South Africa.

  • Quote:

    "The hardest thing to deal with for me...was the memories of who I once was and how I used to do things. ... And what I decided to do to cope with those memories is I decided to create new ones." (Martine Wright, 10:10)

• Turning “Failures” into Opportunity:
  Through embracing new opportunities, Martine redefined success on her own terms, emphasizing resilience, adaptability, and perspective.

  • Quote:

    "If I hadn't gone through this such a negative thing, or maybe a failure ... I would never, ever have been able to create these amazing new memories and do the things I want to do." (Martine Wright, 12:34)

• Acceptance and Self-Belief:
  Martine ultimately attributes her recovery and achievements to personal choices, support networks, and unwavering belief.

  • Quote:

    "It's been my choices, it's been the people that love me and support me and ultimately it has been my belief." (Martine Wright, 13:59)

Is the World Friendly to Disabled People? Reflections on Accessibility and Society

[15:11]

• Everyday Inaccessibility:
  Martine shares the irony and frustration of encountering foot-operated devices in environments for amputees, using humor to point out persisting systemic barriers.

  • Quote:

    "It was actually in the hospital where I was strong enough the first time to actually go to the toilet on my own. ... And it was like, we're in a hospital, we're an amputee ward. Well, I've got a foot, A foot pedal." (Martine Wright, 15:32)

• Progress, But Not Enough:
  While improvements are happening, Martine sees a vast way to go for true accessibility. She stresses collective responsibility to notice and dismantle barriers, whether physical or attitudinal.

  • Quote:

    "Is the world friendly to disabled people? Well, I suppose if there was a yes or no answer to that, I would say no." (Martine Wright, 15:32)

• Social Responsibility and Education:
  Martine emphasizes the need for society to educate itself and support one another—pointing out that everyone’s needs and reactions are individual, and that family, especially children, can be natural educators.

  • Quote:

    "All of us are responsible to communicate that with each other." (Martine Wright, 15:32)
    "I do think the last year, this Covid world ... has made us realize that good things come out of bad." (Martine Wright, 17:23)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "I'm really body negative. And then I feel negative about being body negative because I feel like I should be being body positive."
  — Paloma Faith, [04:20]

• "When you talk about your relationship with your body, it's not usually about your actual body in a literal sense. It's to do with saying you can try harder, you got to be better."
  — Paloma Faith, [06:43]

• "My life completely changed. ... I thought my life was over. That was it. I wanted to die. ... What I decided to do to cope with those memories is I decided to create new ones."
  — Martine Wright, [10:10]

• "Okay, Elizabeth, you might be able to run 100 meters or run for that bus. But you know what I can do? I can fly a plane."
  — Martine Wright, [12:01]

• "All of us are responsible to communicate that with each other. ... All of us have that responsibility to talk about things and educate things, educate people."
  — Martine Wright, [15:32], [17:23]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:43] Paloma Faith on being removed from ballet school and body image roots
• [04:59] Paloma on body dysmorphia and inner critic
• [06:22] Exploring the origins of self-criticism and family influences
• [08:46] Martine Wright on how disability redefined her experience of failure
• [09:32] The shift in self-perception and motivations after trauma
• [10:10] Coping with loss and the significance of creating new memories
• [12:01] Martine on choosing new opportunities and setting her own standards
• [15:11] Accessibility: the foot pedal anecdote and responsibility for change
• [17:23] The role of collective education and the influence of Covid on empathy

Final Thoughts

This episode powerfully showcases how body image and self-worth are shaped by rejection, trauma, and the stories we tell about ourselves. Paloma Faith and Martine Wright’s stories offer comfort, validation, and hope—tangible proof that struggle can lead to unexpected sources of pride, understanding, and strength. Most importantly, the episode is a call for empathy and action—inviting us all to examine our assumptions, care for one another, and recognize the beauty in our differences.