Podcast Summary: How To Fail With Elizabeth Day

Episode: On Parenting…with Andy Cohen and Caitlin Moran
Date: November 17, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of How To Fail with Elizabeth Day explores the intricacies, vulnerabilities, and failures of parenting through candid conversations with Andy Cohen and Caitlin Moran. Both guests share deeply personal stories—Andy discusses a playground moment where he felt he let his son down, and Caitlin reflects on her struggle to support her daughter through an eating disorder. The episode highlights the power of vulnerability, the effect of social conditioning on parenting, and the vital process of learning through failure.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Andy Cohen: Parenting, Vulnerability, and Social Conditioning

• Story of Feeling Unprepared
  • Andy recounts an episode at a playground birthday party where he felt unprepared for an impromptu water feature. All the other parents came equipped with swimsuits and changes of clothes for their kids, leaving Andy’s son Ben on the sidelines (03:35).
    • Quote: "All the moms had changes of clothes for their kids...Ben didn't have that. And...I just felt lower than low. I felt so alone...very over my head and I felt like a failure." — Andy Cohen [04:36]
• Heightened Vulnerability as a "Different" Parent
  • Andy describes his intensified sense of exposure—being a single, gay, and famous parent among mostly straight couples, and the internal pressures he placed on himself.
    • Quote: "I was the only single parent, I was the only gay parent. I was famous. I do not carry around insecurity...I felt in those situations, very vulnerable, insecure, unprepared, on display, judged. And it was all in my head, by the way." — Andy Cohen [03:53]
• Growth Over Time
  • Over time, Andy learned to let go of these insecurities through experience and self-acceptance:
    • Quote: "I've gotten my head together and I think I've just been in the game longer...if I took Lucy to a thing and she didn't have a thing, I'd say, oh, I forgot it." — Andy Cohen [05:17]
• Reflecting on Social Conditioning
  • When asked if this insecurity was rooted in social conditioning:
    • Quote: "Oh, all of it. No one else noticed...He (Ben) did not notice. So I did." — Andy Cohen [06:04]

Memorable Moment:

Andy’s emotional honesty about crying and feeling “lower than low” after the playground incident deeply resonated, demystifying the idea that even high-profile parents are immune to such moments of self-doubt.

2. Caitlin Moran: Parenting Through a Child’s Illness

• Childhood Lessons About Emotions

  • Caitlin shares how her own upbringing in a large, emotionally repressed household shaped her initial responses to her daughter’s struggles (06:31).
    • Quote: "I was raised in a family that...didn't believe in sadness...the answer was always: why don’t you have a poo and a hot bath and go to bed?" — Caitlin Moran [06:31]
  • She jokes about the “three-in-one method,” adding humor to a painful topic:
    • Quote: "If you're clever enough with a hot water bottle and a duvet, you can do all three at once." — Caitlin Moran [07:07]

• Denial, Missteps, and Learning

  • Caitlin attempts various “solutions” based on her own logic or emotions—reasoning, pleading, and even “suffering like our Lord Jesus Christ” to evoke a response in her daughter. None of these strategies worked.
    • Quote: "I would talk to her about nutrition...That didn’t work. And then I got angry...that didn’t work...Then I thought maybe suffering like our Lord Jesus Christ might help, and just cried a lot in front of her...that wasn’t the answer either." — Caitlin Moran [09:19]

• The Real Need: Recognition and Support

  • The breakthrough was realizing her daughter simply needed someone to see her pain and stand with her:
    • Quote: "What she really needed was for someone to look at her and say, you’re sad, aren’t you? You are sad. I can see that. I am so sorry that you feel this bad. I’m not scared of this. You can talk to me about it. I’m going to be with you all the way through this." — Caitlin Moran [10:37]
  • She emphasizes that this realization took years to stitch together through fragments of advice, therapy, and lived experience.

• The Broken Mental Health System

  • Caitlin critiques the underfunded mental health services in the UK and the perverse incentives for children awaiting treatment. She recognizes how parents’ own lack of understanding can hinder recovery:
    • Quote: "Even if you do finally get to the top of that waiting list for help...you're only going to see that doctor two or three times a week maximum. And the rest of the time is down to you as the parent to take care of that child." — Caitlin Moran [12:52]

• Writing to Help Others

  • Caitlin explains why she wrote about this journey—to demystify the experience for other parents and destigmatize these conversations:
    • Quote: "Of anything that I've ever written, the response to that was nuts...thousands and thousands of parents contacting me, going, now I understand it...Now I can help...The thing I want to do most is be useful." — Caitlin Moran [13:48]

Memorable Moment:

Caitlin’s candid, humor-tinged chronicle of “getting it wrong” over and over until finally, after years, learning the power of simple presence and acknowledgment in supporting her daughter. Her daughter's request that she write about it for the benefit of other parents was especially moving.

Notable Quotes

• Andy Cohen:
  • "I just felt lower than low. I felt so alone...very over my head and I felt like a failure." [04:36]
  • "All of it. No one else noticed...He did not notice. So I did." [06:04]
• Caitlin Moran:
  • "The answer was always: why don’t you have a poo and a hot bath and go to bed?" [06:31]
  • "If you're clever enough with a hot water bottle and a duvet, you can do all three at once." [07:07]
  • "What she really needed was for someone to look at her and say, you’re sad, aren’t you?...I’m not scared of this. You can talk to me about it." [10:37]
  • "The thing I want to do most is be useful." [13:48]

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------| | 03:29 | Andy Cohen shares playground parenting failure | | 04:36 | Andy discusses feelings of vulnerability and judgment | | 06:04 | Social conditioning in parenting insecurities | | 06:31 | Caitlin Moran on being raised to ignore sadness | | 09:19 | Caitlin’s attempts to reason, anger, and suffering | | 10:37 | Realizing how to truly support a child with depression | | 12:52 | The challenges of the mental health system for families | | 13:48 | Caitlin's motivation for writing about her experience |

Conclusion

This episode offers a profound and empathetic look at the failures and learning curves intrinsic to parenting. Andy Cohen’s vulnerability highlights the universality of parental self-doubt, while Caitlin Moran’s journey through her daughter’s illness reveals the complexities of emotional support and the imperative to keep learning. For both, the greatest lesson is the transformative power of presence, compassion, and admitting imperfection—a message of solidarity for all parents feeling overwhelmed by moments of failure.

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