How To Fail With Elizabeth Day

ON SELF ACCEPTANCE... With Pamela Anderson and Rylan Clark

Release Date: February 23, 2026
Host: Elizabeth Day
Guests: Pamela Anderson, Rylan Clark

Episode Overview

In this episode, Elizabeth Day welcomes Pamela Anderson and Rylan Clark for a heartful, candid conversation about self-acceptance. The episode navigates themes of body image, authenticity, survival, and the lifelong work of accepting oneself amidst societal pressure and personal challenges. Pamela reflects on her journey through fame, public scrutiny, and carving her own style, while Rylan opens up about feeling different, experiencing bullying, and thriving by embracing his true self.

Pamela Anderson: Clothing, Character, and Authenticity

Discovering Authentic Style and Dressing for Others

• Timestamp: 03:40–07:12

  • Pamela describes creating her own looks as a young woman in the public eye—often without a stylist, relying on her sense of fun and experimentation. She recounts how she would mix and match outfits, pulling corsets, hats, and shoes from the Playboy wardrobe and simply “playing” with clothes.

  • She remembers being asked by designer Simon from Jacquemus who styled her in the ‘90s. “I guess I'm the genius because I put those together,” she says. Simon’s emotional response reminded her that authenticity leaves a mark.

    “But it was authentic. It was fun. ...But I created those characters, which I think is a compliment, because I think you can't create a. You are not just a costume, you're the person in the costume. And I think what people responded to weren't just the bedazzled pants, but the actual young girl having fun.”
    —Pamela Anderson, (04:50)

  • She emphasizes that, though these creative choices didn’t fit “fashion” expectations, their playfulness and genuineness were courageous.

  • Despite being perceived as playing a character (like a “rock star wife”), she recognizes the fun and originality in those choices, even if they weren’t always appreciated at the time.

Public Perception and Taking Herself Seriously

• Timestamp: 07:12–08:11
  • Pamela addresses how her bold sartorial choices sometimes led to people not taking her seriously, overshadowing her accomplishments as an actress in Baywatch, VIP, and Barbed Wire.
  • She laments being categorized as a celebrity “just for being a celebrity,” when her ambition was always to be an actress.
  • On the resurgence of the ‘90s and the “Y2K” revival, she observes a new appreciation for that era and feels proud to have been a pioneer, even if her creativity was misunderstood at the time.

Social Media, Body Image, and Self-Acceptance

• Timestamp: 08:11–10:33

  • Pamela critiques the unrealistic expectations and toxicity cultivated on social media, noting that many images are filtered and retouched:

    “People can make themselves look any way they want... So it's not a good resource for body image.” (08:11)

  • She shares her belief that every generation faces its own challenges with beauty and trends.

  • Pamela encourages acceptance and realism with one’s body—“It's never too late to look in the mirror and to accept where you are in that moment”—and stresses that each person’s beauty journey is unique.

Advice to Young Women (and All Genders) on Body Image

• Timestamp: 10:33–11:12
  • When asked to share advice, Pamela reflects on her realization that people are often more concerned with themselves than with judging others:

    “We're our own worst critic and nobody else is judging you. I feel like that was my aha moment, was when I realized nobody else is...body image should be based on how do you feel healthiest? And I think that's the most beautiful.”
    —Pamela Anderson, (10:33–11:12)

Rylan Clark: Not Fitting In, Coming Out, and Finding Self-worth

Struggling to Fit In and Discovering Identity

• Timestamp: 12:51–15:41

  • Rylan recounts his early school years, feeling different or “not fitting in.” He didn’t know the word “gay,” but gravitated toward the girls, joining in dance routines rather than playing football.

  • He remembers a formative moment at a birthday party when children from another school teased him:

    “I think that was a pressure I was putting on myself. Like why am I here? Why am I here and not on that side of the fence with the boys playing football. ...It’s more that internal feeling of why am I doing this? What does this mean?”
    —Rylan Clark, (13:36)

  • In secondary school, targeted by older students, he developed defiance and self-acceptance, retelling a pivotal moment where owning who he was silenced a bully.

The Language of “Coming Out” and Visibility

• Timestamp: 15:41–17:53
  • Elizabeth questions the term “coming out.” Rylan expresses that it doesn’t offend him, but he hopes society moves past needing such announcements. Instead, he’s always just been himself:

    “I’ve never publicly come out. I’ve just been on TV, married a man. ...For me, I came out to my mum, but everyone else just knew.”
    —Rylan Clark, (16:52)

  • He emphasizes that for him, sexuality should be utterly normal and not require a special declaration.

Family Dynamics and Role Models

• Timestamp: 17:53–19:46
  • Rylan reflects on being raised by a strong single mother, a much older brother who acted as a father figure, and his grandmother. He never felt the lack of a father, and credits his nurturing environment for shaping his resilience and drive.
  • When asked about the need for validation, he’s adamant that he “never felt the lack of a father figure because I almost had three parents.”

Nature vs Nurture, and Personal Drive

• Timestamp: 19:56–22:13
  • Rylan muses about the influences of nurture and nature, affirming his belief that people are who they are, regardless of environment:

    “I genuinely think I could have grown up in a household with the Krays and still like Willie. So, you know, I genuinely believe that people are who they are.”
    —Rylan Clark, (20:37)

  • He attributes his “work-for-it” mindset to lessons from his family—always striving, regardless of his public successes.

Success, Validation, and Symbolic Achievements

• Timestamp: 22:13–22:37
  • Rylan shares a touching story about finally being able to buy himself a Louis Vuitton suitcase post-X Factor as a symbol of achievement—insisting on paying for it despite being offered it for free:

    “Let me buy this for myself. ...That’s when I knew I had done well. ...Every time I pick up that suitcase, even all these years on...I’m like, you don’t know why.”
    —Rylan Clark, (22:13)

Bullying, Trauma, and Reinvention

• Timestamp: 22:37–24:31
  • Elizabeth gently addresses that Rylan’s “not fitting in” sometimes meant serious bullying, not just jokes. Rylan recounts a traumatic incident in primary school where he was attacked so viciously for being “different” that he fractured his skull, prompting his mother to move the family to a safer environment.

Dual Identity: Rylan and Ross

• Timestamp: 24:16–24:31
  • Elizabeth asks if creating the “Rylan” persona is partly a protective mechanism born of childhood trauma. Rylan affirms this:

    “You couldn’t be more right. That’s exactly what I do. ...the brain split into two.”
    —Rylan Clark, (24:31)

Notable Quotes

• “You are not just a costume, you're the person in the costume.”
  — Pamela Anderson (04:50)

• “It's never too late to look in the mirror and to accept where you are in that moment and to start there, start fresh, start over.”
  — Pamela Anderson (08:40)

• “We're our own worst critic and nobody else is judging you. ...body image should be based on how do you feel healthiest? And I think that's the most beautiful.”
  — Pamela Anderson (10:33)

• “I genuinely believe that people are who they are. I feel like nurture definitely plays its part...but I do genuinely feel that people were meant to be who they are.”
  — Rylan Clark (20:33)

• “I never felt the lack of a father figure because I almost had three parents. I mean, it’s better than none, isn’t it?”
  — Rylan Clark (19:40)

• “I’ve never publicly come out. I’ve just been on TV, married a man...For me, I came out to my mum, but everyone else just knew.”
  — Rylan Clark (16:52)

• “You couldn’t be more right. That’s exactly what I do. ...the brain split into two.”
  — Rylan Clark (24:31)

Key Takeaways

• Authenticity is a journey: Both guests emphasize making peace with their authentic selves—on their own terms, despite external pressures.
• Body image is personal: Pamela advocates for realness and autonomy over one’s body journey, underscoring that feeling healthy is more important than chasing trends or public approval.
• Bullying and trauma can shape identity: Rylan reveals how his experiences with bullying led to the creation of his on-stage persona and the need for self-protection.
• Self-acceptance is ongoing: Both Pamela and Rylan share that embracing “flaws” or differences is a constant practice with setbacks and triumphs.
• Support systems matter: Family and chosen communities provide crucial resilience and nurture self-worth.

Recommended Listening Segments

• Pamela on creative self-expression: 03:40–07:12
• Pamela on social media and body image: 08:11–10:33
• Rylan on not fitting in and early self-realization: 12:51–15:41
• Rylan reflecting on nature vs nurture: 19:56–22:13
• Rylan on bullying and resilience: 22:37–24:31

This episode is a powerful exploration of vulnerability, survival, and the triumph of being yourself—even when the world’s expectations don’t fit. Both Pamela and Rylan offer wit, wisdom, and hope to anyone struggling with self-acceptance.