How To Fail With Elizabeth Day — Ruth Wilson: Be Challenged By What Disgusts You

Air date: November 26, 2025
Host: Elizabeth Day
Guest: Ruth Wilson
Podcast Description: Elizabeth Day explores personal and professional failures with celebrated guests, uncovering the lessons learned from setbacks and the value of vulnerability.

Episode Overview

In this deeply candid and often moving episode, award-winning actor Ruth Wilson joins Elizabeth Day to discuss three significant failures in her life: not getting into Oxford University, her experience running the London Marathon in honor of her father, and her long-standing difficulty trusting the creative process. Wilson reflects on the complexity of living honestly, the pressure of appearance in show business, the pain and beauty of family, and the significance of challenging oneself through discomfort—particularly through art that unsettles or disturbs.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. On Art, Discomfort, and the Power of Performance

• Theatre as Confrontation: Ruth recounts seeing Caryl Churchill’s controversial play Here We Go ([05:00]), which forced audiences to confront death and mortality. Many walked out, but Wilson was captivated:

  "No, we have to feel this. This is what's gonna happen to all of us." — Ruth Wilson [05:00]

• Art as Catalyst: She discusses the importance of art pushing people to think and feel, even if it’s uncomfortable:

  "Be challenged. What makes you scared? Be challenged by what disgusts you... Question why it disgusts you or why you're upset by it." — Ruth Wilson [06:19]

• Women Leading On-Screen: Wilson talks about the rarity and joy of starring with Emma Thompson in a female-driven crime thriller:

  "It's not two women talking about a man, you know, it's two women on a mission... and they're really funny and dry witted and complicated and petulant and childish. I mean, it's what we all are as humans." — Ruth Wilson [07:18]

• Learning from Emma Thompson:

  "She's got so much freedom and lightness to the way she works... It rubbed off on me during it." — Ruth Wilson [09:13]

2. On Appearance, Aging, and the Pressure of the Industry

• Ruth addresses the double standard and pressure for women in film to alter their appearance and the choice to age naturally:

  "It's really hard because the pressure is on. Everyone does it. Everyone does something to their face, and it's all available now more than ever... You make a choice... If I wasn't an actor... I don't think I'd think twice about the idea of having work done just because you have to look at your face." — Ruth Wilson [10:23]

3. Failure 1: Not Getting Into Oxford University

• Background: Ruth applied to Oxford, influenced by familial expectations and notable actors who had studied there.
• The Interview Mishap: She relied on unhelpful interview advice and felt her academic ambitions were disingenuous:

  "I did one of the worst interviews, I should think, ever." — Ruth Wilson [12:35]

• Secret Yearning for Acting: Wilson concealed her real ambitions due to family norms and fear of pursuing a creative path ([15:34]).
• The Grandfather Connection: Discovering her grandfather's double life as a writer and spy made her creative inclinations make sense:

  "We live in alternative universes... I could see where the capacity of imagination had come from and where that creative imagination had come from." — Ruth Wilson [17:08]

• Lesson Learned: The experience taught her to trust her instincts and be honest with herself about her desires ([18:17]).

4. Failure 2: The London Marathon and Her Father

• Motivation: Ruth ran the marathon for Alzheimer's Research in honor of her father, who ran the first London Marathon and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's ([27:39]).
• The Day: She grappled with competitive family dynamics, personal physical limits, and her expectation of a triumphant finish.
• Unexpected Challenge: Her leg failed five miles from the finish, but her brother joined her to walk the final stretch ([29:20]).
• Transformative Moment: The planned moment of solitary glory transformed into a lesson about presence, expectations, and familial love:

  “Slowly, in that... as we walked the last four miles, five miles, sort of my expectation of what the outcome was supposed to be sort of gradually disappeared... I just was like, okay, just. You're in the moment now and this is what's important.” — Ruth Wilson [30:53]

• On Alzheimer's: Ruth shares a personal and moving portrait of her father’s decline and her mother’s resilience, and advocates for research and awareness ([33:16]):

  "It's a cruel disease and slowly takes the life away from someone." [33:16]

5. Failure 3: Trusting the Creative Process

• Recurring Self-Doubt: Despite her success, Ruth continually feels she will fail mid-project and obsessively questions her choices after the fact ([37:00]):

  "I consistently think it's gonna be an absolute failure and think that I'm an absolute failure in it... it's not reality, actually." — Ruth Wilson [37:00]

• Neurotic Habits: She describes the post-filming "head-eating" process and the realization that worrying about past performances only fills emptiness and wastes time ([40:27]).

• Exposure to One’s Own Image: Wilson shares the surreal discomfort of watching herself on screen, especially on a large scale ([41:41]):

  "I remember first watching, like, myself from the back of my head on a screen because I was like, God, I never see the back of myself. That's how I walk. Oh, God." — Ruth Wilson [41:41]

• Best and Worst Creative Experiences:

  • Worst: The Little Stranger, plagued by self-consciousness, but ironically producing one of her better performances ([43:42]).
  • Best: Participating in a 24-hour play that required total presence and connection with a parade of strangers:

    "I was so full of love by the end of it. Cause I was like, people are endlessly fascinating and surprising... you can find connection with anyone." — Ruth Wilson [45:08]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Be challenged. What makes you scared? Be challenged by what disgusts you." — Ruth Wilson [06:19]
• "I did one of the worst interviews, I should think, ever." — Ruth Wilson [12:35]
• "I just assumed I'd be able to do it... And I did do it. Even now I'm talking like it was a disappointment. It's like I did get round. It's like 26 miles. It's intense." — Ruth Wilson [30:52]
• "I've put myself through quite difficult things... and my body's not the thing that gives up." — Ruth Wilson [29:47]
• "I consistently think it's gonna be an absolute failure... it's not reality, actually." — Ruth Wilson [37:00]
• "I could see where the capacity of imagination had come from and where that creative imagination had come from." — Ruth Wilson [17:08]
• "People are endlessly fascinating and surprising... you can find connection with anyone." — Ruth Wilson [45:08]

Timestamps for Major Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Event | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 04:48 | Ruth Wilson joins; discussion on challenging art, Here We Go | | 07:18 | Working with Emma Thompson; views on female-led thrillers | | 10:23 | Appearance, aging, and industry expectations | | 11:46 | Failure 1: Not getting into Oxford | | 13:28 | The infamous Oxford interview and hiding her dreams | | 17:08 | Family lineage, the creative gene | | 18:17 | Lessons from the Oxford experience | | 27:39 | Failure 2: The London Marathon, her father, and Alzheimer’s | | 30:52 | Walking the final miles—with her brother—and the shift in mindset | | 33:16 | Commentary on Alzheimer’s impact, family, and advocacy | | 36:28 | Failure 3: Struggling to trust the creative process | | 41:41 | The discomfort of watching oneself | | 43:42 | Best and worst creative experiences: The Little Stranger & 24-hour play | | 45:08 | Closing reflections on connection and creativity |

Episode Tone and Takeaways

Ruth Wilson is open, generous, and self-reflective, speaking candidly about perfectionism and self-doubt even amidst great professional acclaim. The conversation is laced with humor, vulnerability, and an unmistakable drive to grow through discomfort. Listeners are left with the reminder that failure—whether large or small, public or private—can be a profound source of learning, empathy, and authentic connection.

For listeners seeking honest perspectives on success, learning, and creativity, this episode offers profound insights into the power of vulnerability and embracing what challenges or unsettles us.