How to Coach Your Kid

Summary

How To! with Mike Pesca
Episode: How to Coach Your Kid
Date: May 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of "How To!" with Mike Pesca tackles a dilemma familiar to many parents: how to effectively coach your own child’s youth sports team—especially when you don’t feel like an expert yourself. Mike welcomes listener Brian, who coaches his 7-year-old daughter's AYSO soccer team in Los Angeles, and seeks advice on balancing encouragement, teaching actual skills, and overcoming imposter syndrome. To help, Mike brings in former Major League Soccer goalkeeper and current youth coach Jeff Attinella to share concrete strategies, personal experiences, and broader insights on youth sports culture in America.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Reality of Parenting and Volunteer Coaching

• Volunteer Dynamics: Most youth sports teams rely on volunteer parents to take on coaching roles, often with little formal training or soccer background.
  • Brian stepped up when the team faced cancellation due to a lack of coaches: "Last spring, they told me that we didn't have a coach and that if no one stepped up, the season was canceled. So I stepped up." (04:01)
• Imposter Syndrome and Skill Gaps: Brian expresses concern about not providing enough real soccer knowledge, relying on YouTube and AI for drills, and feeling less competent than other parent-coaches.
  • "It's a lot about imposter syndrome... I'm doing the job, but I just don't feel like I should be in the role." (08:35)

2. The Balance of Encouragement and Constructive Criticism

• Parenting Styles: Brian and his wife have opposing coaching approaches—he leans towards encouragement, she pushes for tougher feedback.
  • "I tell them they're doing such a great job, even if they aren't. My wife gets mad at me because she, she thinks I need to be a little bit, you know, tougher on them and get them going a little bit more." (06:35)
• Finding the Middle Ground: Both Mike and Jeff discuss the need to combine support with genuine skill-building, especially at formative ages.

3. Expert Advice from Jeff Attinella

• Personal Story: Jeff relates to Brian, having experienced both sides: being a youth athlete with non-expert parents and now being a parent-coach in unfamiliar sports.
  • "My parents knew nothing of soccer. For a while, my dad, who again, knew nothing, was my goalie coach." (15:47)
  • "I coach my daughter's softball team, and I don't know a thing about softball. So I understand your pain." (16:54)
• Fake It ‘Til You Make It: Confidence is contagious; kids read their coach’s energy, so displaying assurance—even if you’re learning—helps.
  • "Even if you're not feeling it, having the face of confidence...the girls can kind of read that energy." (17:10)
• Drill Philosophy: Use modern resources (YouTube, Google) to find age-appropriate exercises, structure every session, and keep practices dynamic.
  • "Whenever I work with the goalies, I have everything broken down...It's structured. You feel like you're a lot more under control...find drills...structure it out minute by minute." (26:40)
• Engagement and Skill-Building: Emphasize fun, activity, and continual movement, especially at young ages.
  • "Everything's always moving, everything's always kind of free flowing...let them have fun with it, let them compete." (24:55)
  • Incorporating competitive elements and variety keeps interest up, but pure “fun” isn’t enough to build skills. (20:28)
• Lesson Planning: Write down a clear plan for each practice for your own sanity and effectiveness, even if you don’t share it with the kids.
  • "For me, I like to structure things because...with all the nonsense that goes on with youth sports and just kids in general, it just gets overwhelming." (27:36)

4. Broader Reflections on Youth Sports Culture

• Specialization vs. Variety: Both Mike and Jeff lament how early, intense specialization has changed youth sports for the worse—sidelining fun and squeezing out less committed kids.
  • "I feel like it's kind of lost its way of the idea that it could still just be about competing and having a good time and enjoying what sports provide outside of something that's a professional environment." (31:19)
• Parental Pressure: Even in recreational leagues, there’s significant pressure from parents to win and excel, making coaching feel weighty.
  • "I do feel pressure from the parents to do well and to help their kids...I wanted to talk to Jeff as well, because I feel that pressure." (34:38)
• Defining Success Beyond Wins: Encourages tracking player skill growth and personal progress instead of focusing only on win-loss records.
  • "Maybe that's a way that you could show progress, even if the progress isn't wins and losses." (36:13)

5. Practical Tips for Practice & Focus

• Practice Structure for U8 (7- and 8-year-olds)
  • Short and structured: ~45-minute practices
  • Warm up—with ball: Dribbling, fun movement
  • Skill stations: Passing, shooting, dribbling with both feet
  • Competitive elements: 1v1 dribble contests
  • Keep everyone moving: Use cones for drills, minimize downtime
  • Plan water breaks (if you aren't running out of time, add more!) (24:55)
• Managing Distracted or Unmotivated Kids: Use simple group games like Simon Says to regain attention and refocus the team.
  • "The trick that the coaches use with me growing up is the same one that I use now...I play Simon says, with them, they do instructions. They're moving like, they have fun with it...More times than not, it usually works." (37:03)

6. Coaching Your Own Kid

• Emotional Dynamics: It’s harder to be strict with your own child (or team), especially if you feel less knowledgeable or emotionally invested.
  • "I have a harder time being hard on the girls...But we have a mom who's also a coach...and she'll get at them." (39:29)
• Value of Partnership: If possible, balance your style with another coach who can provide the feedback you’re less comfortable giving.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Volunteer Coaching Pressure

  • "You know, if you're living in Los Angeles, there's very few single income families. So everyone's working, everyone's working full time. We all have multiple kids, and we're just trying to make it work as best we can." — Brian (07:16)

• On Confidence as a Coach

  • "They're like animals. They sense weakness." — Mike Pesca (17:29)
  • "Even if you're not feeling it, having the face of confidence...the girls can kind of read that energy." — Jeff Attinella (17:10)

• On Youth Specialization

  • "You learn a lot playing sports. And now I think that, that youth sports is at a stage where the people that are just trying to do it for fun or not pursuing it professionally or pursuing it to a higher level, that they get weeded out way too early because there's just not enough options for them. And I hate that because I don't think that that's what sports is about." — Jeff Attinella (32:25)

• On Measuring Coaching Success

  • "Maybe that's a way that you could show progress, even if the progress isn't wins and losses." — Mike Pesca (36:13)

• On Keeping Practice Order

  • "Whenever I feel like the girls need to refocus...I play Simon says, with them." — Jeff Attinella (37:03)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:23] Brian introduces his coaching story and concerns.
• [06:35] Discussion on confidence, encouragement, and parental coaching styles.
• [15:05] Jeff Attinella joins, sharing his experience as a youth player with non-soccer-knowledgeable parents.
• [17:10] "Fake it till you make it" as a youth coach; energy and confidence.
• [19:06] Drill philosophy for youth sports—internet resources and structuring practice.
• [24:55] Jeff outlines a sample structure for a 45-minute practice.
• [27:36] Advice on lesson planning and handling chaos during practice.
• [31:19] Jeff’s perspective on youth sports culture and early specialization.
• [36:13] How to demonstrate skill and progress to parents beyond win-loss records.
• [37:03] Managing unfocused kids with Simon Says.
• [39:29] Balancing tough feedback with encouragement; co-coaching dynamics.

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Takeaways

• Confidence—even if you feel uncertain—sets the tone for the kids.
• Research and Plan—structure practices, use online resources, and keep sessions lively and focused on skill-building.
• Balance Fun with Challenge—competition makes drills engaging, but skill progression matters.
• Measure Growth Holistically—track and communicate improvement beyond just wins and losses.
• You’re Not Alone—many parent-coaches feel the same insecurity; it’s normal, and help is out there.

In essence, the episode reassures volunteers like Brian that caring and intention go far; with a little structure and a willingness to learn, any parent can become a positive, skill-building coach for their child’s team—and enjoy the journey along the way.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I will say that I have a harder time being hard on the girls, right? But we have a mom who's also a coach of the softball team and she'll get at them.

[D]

So I'm like, it's okay, you did a great job. And my wife was like, no, that was not great, that was terrible. You need to do a better job.

[A]

Hello and welcome back to how to youth sports are to so many American families what the Roman Catholic Church was to Renaissance Italy. The center of life, the source of joy, the definer of priorities, the collector of tithes. Although 10% is getting off easy for travel teams, soccer is either the most or second most popular sport in America, with 14 million kids participating, according to the Sports Fitness Industry Association. It's especially popular among the very young. 37% are under 10 and it has an almost even gender breakdown now. I played soccer from 6 to 12 and I wasn't great, but I wasn't terrible. I did have an excellent coach for the first few years, a guy named Joe Pesca who had probably never Seen a full soccer game before he started coaching the kids. This was a time of Pele and Giorgio Canalia and the New York Cosmos who would face off against the Tampa Bay Rowdies. Good times. But you're not born knowing how to coach youth soccer. You're probably not born wanting to coach youth soccer in a lot of cases. But if you're a loving American parent, there is a good chance that youth soccer you will coach. Which leads me to the handoff. Sorry, that would be a red card. Leads me to the touch pass to this guy.

[D]

Hi, my name is Brian. I live in Los Angeles and I am currently coaching my 7 year old daughter in AYSO soccer.

[A]

Brian, how's it going?

[D]

Pretty good, up and down. I think we have about a 500 record.

[A]

Okay. So, I mean, some leagues don't even keep records or score at this point, so yours at least does that.

[D]

Yes. Yeah, we. They just started keeping score. They just started keeping records actually at this age.

[A]

And what position does your daughter play?

[D]

She actually likes goalie.

[A]

Interesting. All right, so how'd you get roped into the coaching soccer gig?

[D]

Well, last year, last spring, they told me that we didn't have a coach and that if no one stepped up, the season was canceled. So I stepped up and we played out the season. It was my first time. I didn't know anything. It was a little bit rough. I think we won one game, which was great. But I want to improve. I want to do better, and that's why I'm here. I. I really want to build my skills. I didn't play youth soccer growing up, so I feel like I don't have the best foundation in terms of skills. So I just want to do everything I can to, to help the girls get better.

[A]

So how many teams are in the league?

[D]

I believe at her age there's six or eight teams in the league.

[A]

So they'll actually.

[D]

She's. She's U8 right now.

[A]

Yeah. How does it actually, how does it work that they'll actually allow you to form a team, but then they don't have a coach for that team and they threaten to cancel that? What's the mechanism there?

[D]

Well, AYSO is all volunteer organization. So, you know, we rely on the parents for every single thing, including, you know, picking up trash and controlling traffic. You know, team manager, coach, assistant coach. And I think they just assume rightly so that that someone will eventually step up when. When push comes to shove, you get

[A]

the idea that they know that this is the dynamic and then the panicked Parents will say, all right. Someone will always say, I'll do it. Everyone always volunteers to be the parent who brings the orange slices to the game and then trash pickup, that goes second. But someone always says, okay, I'll coach. How did you become that person?

[D]

I've been doing this for a few years, bringing my daughter to ayso, to all of her soccer games. I go to every game. I go to every practice. I figured I was going to be here anyways, you know, at the games and at the practices anyway. So, you know, why not? I'll put a little extra effort in and I can be the coach and make it work. So, yeah, I decided to step up, and I think I'm good with talking to the girls and encouraging them and making them feel confident in themselves. I'm just really lacking on the actual soccer skills side of the equation here as a, as a coach.

[A]

Right. So what you're saying is you can instill some false confidence, but if they actually dig down to what you're teaching them, it's a house of sand.

[D]

Exactly. Exactly. I tell them they're doing such a great job, even if they aren't. My wife gets mad at me because she, she thinks I need to be a little bit, you know, tougher on them and get them going a little bit more. I think that's probably how she was coached. She played soccer growing up, and like I said, I didn't. So, you know, I just don't have the experience or understanding of how a head coach would be more encouraging in terms of development and getting them to do exactly what we need to do on the field.

[A]

Well, I'm hearing a candidate, even within the family, who might be a better head coaching candidate than you. Do you see what I'm going for there?

[D]

Oh, I totally agree. And I think she agrees, too. She just, you know, that's the thing. There's all these parents who do have understanding and more skills than I do, but I think a lot of the parents just, you know, we're all working parents. You know, everybody is working. You know, if you're living in Los Angeles, there's very few single income families. So everyone's working, everyone's working full time. We all have multiple kids, and we're just trying to make it work as best we can. I think I have a little bit more time to, to commit than my wife does. So, you know, I'm the one that's there and I'm the one that's the head coach.

[A]

As they play more years. Are you telling yourself that this tap dance is going to come to an end, that they're going to get on to you, that you're not actually teaching them real soccer skills after a while?

[D]

Yes, yes. That's what I'm most worried about, especially this juncture. I mean, the girls are 7 and 8 years old. This is the time where they're really developing their base for the rest of their soccer career, however long that may be, whether it goes into high school or longer. So that's why I really want to develop the skills right now so that the girls have a great foundation to move forward.

[A]

So what have you done? Take me through a typical practice. What do you do with him?

[D]

We show up, we stretch. I'm good at that. I can show them how to stretch. We do some toe taps, we do some passes, some practice. I have a couple things that I've looked at on YouTube and ChatGPT, but where I've done these drills before. I think it's a lot about imposter syndrome here where, you know, I'm doing the job, but I just don't feel like I should be in the role. I'm sure that a lot of other coaches feel the same way. It just doesn't appear that way from afar. When I look at the other coaches doing their drills and doing their practices, they seem to have it so much more together than I do.

[A]

Okay, so it seems like a confidence problem. It seems a little imposter syndrome. You also have maybe a little guilt going on because you know that this is an important formative time for your daughter, her teammates, and you want to do right by them. You want to give them the building blocks to either become better soccer players or, let's face it, just people with follow through who are spending their time doing something fruitful. Am I getting it about right?

[D]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[A]

Anything else? Like the gambling angle? It is 2026 in America. Am I forgetting that?

[D]

I wonder. Yeah, I wonder about that. If there's any AYSO on Kelshi or Polymorph. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Well, I will say this, and I don't want to make you feel any worse about your knowledge of soccer, but you did say the goal is to get the ball in the goal. But I have to also say a very fine goal for soccer is to keep the other team from getting the ball in their goal. And to that end, we will be bringing on an expert, someone who has given much of his life not just to the propagation of youth, but to the stopping of the ball from the goal in a moment when our program continues. Starting a new initiative is always hard and so what you have to do like say for instance, starting a podcast. How to what if listenership drops off? What if the direction I take it is not to the liking of the existing listeners? What if no new listeners find it? So what you have to do to the extent you can, is partner with people and entities and companies that are unbelievably competent that you look at that portion of your job which is that portion of your mind and say they got it. That's why having a partner like Shopify on your side helps. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US. You know, places you may have heard of like Heinz and Untuck it and Magic Spoon, get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you. Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. And what if you get stuck? Shopify's always around to share advice with their award winning 247 customer service. Did I mention that the iconic Shopify pay button is used by millions of businesses around the world? Which is why Shopify is the best converting checkout on the planet. It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial at shopify.com how to go to shopify.com how to that's shopify.com how to life comes at you fast. Like let's say you're doing two, maybe three podcasts and are on other people's podcasts. This might be a mic question, but take the podcast thing and apply it to your own life. You know and you also know that it's not just work. It's relationships. It's everything else on your plate. So what you want to do is when the moment comes to step up, you have to step up. Rougiette has treatments that can help you do what you need to do do in the bedroom. Last as long as you want. Stand to attention and deliver. Whether it's occasional trouble or something that's been building for a while. Their doctors work with you to find what treats your body and if timing is your issue, rug yet has go long in a two in one treatment that helps you stay in control of your facilities. Over 400,000 men have already made the switch to Rougiet. Getting started is simple. Rougette connects you with a board certified doctor online and treatment ships discreetly to your door. Head to rougiet.com howto and get 15% off your ED treatment. That's R U G I-E-T.com howto for 15% off Roujet Performance Medicine for Men if you're looking for another podcast that brings therapy resources to your earbuds, then check out the self work podcast. Ten years ago, Dr. Margaret Rutherford decided to extend the walls of her psychology practice as far as they could go, and the Self Work Podcast was born. Each week, Dr. Margaret dives into an issue in mental health that she's personally researched, adding in her own two bits from over 30 years of experience. And you'll also hear the interviews with creative and informative guests who bring their own experience to the table. Her warm Southern drawl soothes and comforts. She's about as down to earth as they come. Rated by many as the best depression podcast out there, Self Work stresses what you can do about it. So if you're seeking ideas and actions to move yourself forward, Self Work is for you. Find it on your favorite podcast app and tell them how to sent you. We're back with how to and the question in the narrow form from Brian is can I get some drills? Can I get some experience? Can I feel a little bit better about coaching my daughter in youth soccer? But I think there's going to be maybe a bigger overarching theme that we explore with our expert here to help Brian with that, not just an expert of podcasting, which he is, but a Major League Soccer. I'm going to say star young first Ericson back post America and another to save the save for Maala. You can see squares out so well. America, big save at Tanella.

[B]

Yeah, I'm Jeff at Tonella. I currently work with the Tampa Bay Rowdies in content development and brand strategy. But I spent 10 years playing in Major League Soccer and 12 years total playing professionally as a goalkeeper.

[A]

So, Jeff, when he said she likes to play goalie, did your soccer senses tingle? We don't call them goalies. We call them goalkeepers.

[B]

I felt bad for him. My mom my entire life told me that the hardest job was to be the parent of a goalkeeper. So I feel bad for you, but I do love the position and it's very unique. And if she's willing to play goalie, that means you have a very brave daughter. So that's a. That's kudos.

[A]

Okay, Jeff, let's talk about. First of all, let's talk about your soccer experience. Did your parents know about it? How'd you get into the sport?

[B]

It's so Funny man. It's a very similar story. So my, my parents knew nothing of soccer. Knew nothing. And for a while, you know, my dad, who again, knew nothing, was my goalie coach. He was the guy kicking balls at me. He was the guy trying to. Trying to, you know, steer that sh. Get me warmed up and things like that. I was fortunate that when I was younger, my first competitive coach had a history in soccer. He played. He was this old Trinidadian man. He played for the Trinidad national team. So he had a. He knew what he was doing. So I was, I was pretty fortunate that I had that type of coaching from a young age. And I had some coaches in my life, specifically one guy who, you know, he was with me from the time that I was 12 to the day that I retired professionally. He was someone I could call on and somebody that I looked at as a mentor and, and, you know, really took on that second father role for me. So I understand the importance of youth coaching and the impact that you can have, that you can have on that. But I also understand your pain because I coach my daughter's softball team and I don't know a thing about softball. So I understand your pain and what you're trying to go through and the things that you're trying to navigate.

[A]

How old's your daughter?

[B]

She's nine.

[A]

Okay. At that age, is she wise to the fact that you don't know what you're talking about, or does loving dad plus former professional athlete, which I'm sure she's vaguely aware of, does that carry through enough to her and her nine year old friends?

[B]

Yeah, she's not wise to it. She's not wise to it, but you got to put on the face. I mean, the one thing that I will say is that even if you're not feeling, if you're not feeling it, having the face of confidence and, you know, not feeling like you're doing the wrong things out there, the girls can kind of read that energy. So that would definitely be something I would recommend is even just the fake it till you make it strategy.

[A]

Right. They're like animals. They sense weakness. Okay, so what did you do to learn? This is great. You know so much about soccer and we're going to get into some soccer drills, but you're in it right now as a softball coach. Well, first of all, was this the sort of thing where no parents wanted to do it and they turned to you and they'd say, Jeff, you don't really have a day job. Why don't you do this I mean,

[B]

there were some other coaches, so we have a couple other coaches that help out. But I definitely, whenever I get. I get voluntold to do things, there's no doubt voluntold. That's good. It's not a. It's not a hand up, I got you situation. It's, well, hey, you could probably do it, right? Like, you know, sports. So I usually get. I usually get pushed into it, for sure.

[A]

Is that true? Like, does knowledge of one sport where you're allowed to use your hand in fact required to really translate to the

[B]

sport where you're not in the parenting circles? I suppose. I think that, you know, I'm. I understand enough to get the job done, but I'm also a big, you know, team morale booster. Like, I understand the dynamics of how to speak to kids, and, you know, I've done a lot of youth soccer coaching as well, so I understand the dynamics of, you know, how to speak to kids, tough, how to. How to take it easy on them, when to encourage, when to discipline and things like that. So I think that at least for the softball team, I add that element. And I'm also the designated pitcher just because I'm good at throwing the ball in their hands. So I think that I have my. I think I have the things that. That stand out versus the other parents.

[A]

Yeah, that is good. What about drills? It is true that you can't just scrimmage all the time. You're not really teaching them skills, but you could do drills that don't really help. Where do you. Where do you get your drills from? What's your drill philosophy, Jeff?

[B]

Well, I think that that's the beauty of. Of the technology that we have now. Right. And all the resources that we have is, you know, when I got put into a position to coach softball, it was just like, okay, let me hop on YouTube and let me see the people that I like. Let me see the people that I think are teaching the right things or the way that I think that I could, or looking for drills that I think that I would be good at teaching. And so, you know, you just kind of pinpoint those different things, and then from there, it's setting up your. Setting up your lesson plan, setting up your step plan. And, you know, if you type anything into Google with youth sports now, there's somebody that'll tell you, this is how I did it. This is the. This is the plan. This is the path that I went with practices and those things. So that's just what I do, because it's you know, I don't know it myself, so I've used the resources that other people provide.

[A]

Yeah. Is there a philosophy with drills? For instance, they should be fun. Should they always be fun? I know kids love different kinds of competition. So a friend of mine who coaches youth softball was talking about a drill where he puts the, the bat on the plate, all the kids stand at second and they take turns trying to knock the bat standing straight up off the plate. And they're terrible at it, but that makes it more fun. But he does say that if there is a competition involved, they'll almost always be attuned to it. On the other hand, you're not always going to build the skills through a competition based drill. So how do you, how do you navigate the difference there?

[B]

I think that it's a balance of all three. Right. So I think that the point of playing sports is to get your kids into that competitive environment, that team environment where you're all working towards a common goal. So I, but I also think that, you know, especially at a younger age, you don't want to scare the kids off by just doing drills, right? It's like, like you want to learn the skills. There's different ways to go about those skills. But I think that the ways that you could try to try to learn the skills and include a little bit of fun, but also include that competition aspect. You know, I think that you have to figure out the right mix for your, for your team. But at the same time, you know, I've. If it's just jolly up and fun and everybody's running around just having a good time, like the ideas that they're going to learn, the skills that they need probably aren't, you know, aren't realistic.

[A]

How long's a practice, a softball practice for your daughter's team?

[B]

Now they go an hour and a half because they do 30 minutes of hitting at the end. But when they were seven, it was, you know, 45 minutes max. 45 attention span. That's why soccer is so much better for kids though, in my opinion, than, than other sports because the attention span for softball for a seven year old is, is very low and there's a lot of standing around. Soccer is a sport where, you know, you have to maximize the idea that you can have all these kids moving all the time.

[A]

Right. So give me a good ideal. It doesn't have to be the specific drills. Maybe we'll get into that. But a rough breakdown of a 45 minute practice and how much time you're going to Spend with different aspects of the practice that you want to hit.

[B]

So just like you, you gotta stretch. That's an important part of it. But you just go through your warmup progressions, right? It's, it's, you know, you touch on those specific skills right away where it's, you know, you get the girls warmed up. But it's the simple things, right? It's throwing the ball, it's ground balls, it's catching, it's, you know, trying to teach those different basics. And then from there it's, can we put these girls into different positions where, you know, maybe we have a person on second base and you're getting used to throwing the ball, getting a ground ball, throwing the ball to first, keep those rotations, those types of rotations going and then just really utilizing the things that you learned from the weekend that the team needs to work on and applying it. And then once, you know, once you go through that drill, then it's on to the next one and it's, you know, okay, we're going to have the girls line up at shortstop and second base and then we're going to have a group at first base and we're going to get used to, okay, where's the play? Plays at second. Go through the breakdown of who covers second, who, you know, who's getting the ball, who covers second, and then it's like, okay, plays it first. So where are we going? So really just trying to keep things free flowing as much as we can.

[A]

So in a way, softball, baseball is a kind of sport that lends itself to a lot of different drills because there are a lot of different skills. In fact, in baseball there's something called a five tool player. I might be ignorant about the sport of soccer and there are a lot of nuances, but are there as many different skills to work on in soccer as there is in baseball? Slash, softball.

[B]

With softball and baseball, there's a lot of different things going on. But with soccer it's just so much more free flowing and you know, especially at that age, understanding where their positions are on the field, understanding what their roles are within that position. But then also, you know, the best thing that I could recommend for young soccer players is making sure that a lot of the things that you're doing, that the girls are just getting extremely comfortable with the ball at their feet because it's a very, you know, it's a very different, it's a very unique sport. People don't, people don't generally use their feet to do a lot of things. Besides walk or run or, you know, the. Obviously the things that you use your feet for. So just doing as many different things as you can to make sure that the girls have the ball at their feet. And then from there it's, you know, the passing drills are good, the dribbling stuff is good, but as you continue to progress, it's okay. How do I break down? How do I teach the principles of one person dribbling at another person? And it's defending principles, right? What does it look like to actually defend somebody? So there's just a lot of things that, you know, the intricacies of baseball and softball aren't there for soccer, but there's a lot of little things that, especially at that age that you can start breaking things down a little bit more and just teaching them these basics. And then when they apply them into the games, you're like, okay, cool, it's starting to click.

[A]

What about cones? Cones were as big in my day. Cones still big?

[B]

I mean, I use cones. Yeah, okay. Sometimes these kids run around, man. You guys, sometimes just, this is your cone. Don't move from this cone. But honest to God, if I was you, I would just YouTube things and keep doing your research online because there's a tremendous amount of research resources out there of how to build these practices. And, you know, once you research it and you study it, just do it with confidence. These girls don't know the difference.

[A]

Give me, and this is a little off the top of your head. Give me the structure of a good 45 minute practice session.

[B]

So I, I would definitely like. The warm up, of course, is. Is key, but I would warm up with the ball. So it's like if you want to get their legs moving, give them all a ball and say, hey, okay, we're going to dribble the ball across the field, but I want you to keep the ball as close as you can, right? So, like, do everything with the ball as most as you can so that the girls get comfortable with the ball at their feet. Break them down into different passing drills, different movements like that, you know, those types of things are good, but always keep them moving. So whether it's, you know, you have two or four different lines, you pass the ball and you move, you, you know, you take a touch run to the other end of the line. Just always keep these girls moving would be my first suggestion. And then from there, you know, I would break it down into whatever you felt like working on. Like if you wanted to work on skill, dribbling, right. I want you to dribble through these cones. But I want you to go around each cone only using your right foot. And then you dribble out to the other end and then do it again with the left foot. Dribble here, shoot the ball here. Everything's always moving, everything's always kind of free flowing. And then from there it's like, okay, all the skills that you did with dribbling, try to do it against a real person. Right? And then so working on things like that make it competitive. Can you get past this person? And if there's things that you see that, you know, somebody might not be doing the right thing, stop it, correct it, coach it, and then just let them, you know, let them have fun with it, let them have fun with it, let them compete. And then by then, if you're not at 45 minutes, you didn't do enough water breaks.

[A]

How's this sound, Spark? Any ideas, Brian? Or did he use a lot of terminology that just got you more nervous?

[D]

No, that sounds great. I think probably what would help me is doing more research and then writing down a plan to execute at a practice. But yeah, no, everything you're talking about, that sounds great. And it's absolutely what I'm going to try and implement.

[B]

So when I do, because I mostly work now with you soccer, I mostly just work with goalies and that, that's a whole different animal. Right? Like training goalies is very different from training a team. But whenever I work with the goalies, I have everything broken down. We're going to do this for five minutes. We're going to do this for 10 minutes. We're going to do THIS for 15 minutes. All broken down. It's structured. You feel like you're a lot more under control because you have thing you've already done the training session, right? You've written it out. Now it's just about acting it out. If you're not comfortable with those things, that would be my first recommendation is find drills that you want to do. Find a way things that you want to work on for that practice and then from there just truly like structure it out minute by minute. My pro coaches did that. We used to see the lesson plan the day of the training. They would walk around and hand a sheet out and say, this is what we're working on. This is how long we're working on it.

[A]

Do you think kids will like it? They're not getting paid to do this. They're not professional, they're not adult. But from being a parent, I do think they like structure. And in your experience, they like that, knowing what's going on.

[B]

Well, I don't know that I would give my kids this sheet of paper, but I would have it in my head. You know what I mean? Cause for you as a coach, I think that coaching youth sports, the hardest thing about it is that it could just get extremely overwhelming because you have kids that are doing a lot of different things. You have kids that aren't listening, and you're trying to teach these skills. And especially if you're on your own, you're on an island. So for me, I like to structure things because I just know I'm spending this amount of time on this. This is the drill I'm doing. And then I just keep it moving that way because if I don't know what I'm doing going into it, just with all the nonsense that goes on with youth sports and just kids in general, it just gets overwhelming, and then you just don't feel like you're getting anything accomplished.

[D]

Do you think it would be helpful to go through that game plan with them? Like, when we start, before we warm up? I have my lesson plan ready and I can walk them through that. Do you think that would be helpful? Yeah.

[B]

I mean, you know your girls, right? Like, if there's. If they appreciate the structure of it and they say, hey, like. And this is. Like, this is what I'm gonna work on. But I think that also too one thing, that one thing that I do get annoyed with you sports on. Well, there's a lot. But one of the things I do get annoyed with you sports on is that you're coaching these girls right out of the goodness of your heart. And I think that the parents should know, too. Like, this is what we're trying to work on. Take your kids home and work on it with them. Like, I can't. I can't do this all on my own once a week or however many different times you train. But if you're loading the parents too with, like, hey, like, these are the things that we're going to try to work on. If you guys could work on it at home, that would be very helpful because I don't think that there's enough of that that goes on.

[A]

Yeah. Ideally, youth sports should not be 45 minutes of babysitting two times a week. It should be some. It should be a goal that is to be pursued collectively. And even when the coach who's doing this out of the kindness of his heart slash guilt, the coach is not there in a minute I want to talk about some more broad pictures of youth sports. I'm also going to ask Jeff, he is a goalie about saves. What to do when the kids just start to scatter and not listen? Is blowing the whistle and saying drop and give me 20 still the way to go like was the case in my youth? I'm going to guess not in a moment when how to continues. If you're looking for another podcast that brings therapy resources to your earbuds, then check out the self work podcast. Ten years ago, Dr. Margaret Rutherford decided to extend the walls of her psychology practice as far as they could go, and the Self Work podcast was born. Each week, Dr. Margaret dives into an issue in mental health that she's personally researched, adding in her own two bits from over 30 years of experience. And you'll also hear the interviews with creative and informative guests who bring their own experience to the table. Her warm Southern drawl soothes and comforts. She's about as down to earth as they come. Rated by many as the best depression podcast out there, Self Work stresses what you can do about it. So if you're seeking ideas and actions to move yourself forward, Self Work is for you. Find it on your favorite podcast app and tell them how to's sent you. We're back with How To. We're talking about youth soccer, but also a little bit more. Brian wants to know how to coach his team, and Jeff Atenella is an expert and a veteran of the mls. Jeff, before the break you mentioned that you had a couple issues with youth sports, but of course you were a veteran, a beneficiary, a now a coach. What are the issues? What do you wish that youth sports in America could do better?

[B]

I think that somewhere along the way, and I don't know if it's because of nil, I don't know. I don't know. But somewhere along the way I feel like it's kind of lost its way of the idea that it could still just be about competing and having a good time and enjoying what sports provide outside of something that's a professional environment or a professional realm. You know, when you look across the board, rec sports, especially in soccer, the idea of recreational sports has kind of drifted away and everything now is how much are you traveling, how much are you paying, how much are you doing this? So I grew up, you know, I played soccer, travel. I did that from a young age, but I played every other sport and I did that locally. You know, I played at the local ymca, basketball when I was in middle school, I played for, you know, the local football team, the local baseball team, and for me, you know, I learned a lot doing that. You learn a lot playing sports. And now I think that, that youth sports is at a stage where the people that are just trying to do it for fun or not pursuing it professionally or pursuing it to a higher level, that they get weeded out way too early because there's just not enough options for them. And I hate that because I don't think that that's what sports is about.

[A]

Yeah. So I'll tell you, I was a sports reporter for a number of years. It ended that gig around 2015. And everyone I spoke to who was a professional athlete then said the same thing, that they decried early specialization. They also said being involved with other sports helped them. Meas like Hakeem Olajuwon, NBA great. He brought his soccer skills to the NBA. Great example is Steve Nash. And he always says that to this day he likes soccer more than basketball. This is a two time MVP of the NBA. He says without soccer he wouldn't be able to see the court like he does now. I have to say though, I stopped covering this as I said 2015. So a lot of the professional athletes now, if they're a young guy, a 23 year old, a 20 year old in the NBA, they were of the generation that came up just with specialization. And I don't know what they'd say. I don't know if that shows up with injuries. I don't know if that shows up with. Maybe they have a cynicism for the sport, but I do see it showing up and it being a big difference from players of your generation.

[B]

Jeff, I think that it all depends, right? Like, I think that there's, there's really no telling which is the right way, which is the wrong way. It's all about how you want your kid to grow up and what you want to expose them to. Right. But it's the one thing that I will say is what happens to the kid that literally only played soccer his entire life and then by the time they're 17, they have nothing to show for it and they haven't worked on anything else. There's no other skill set, there's no other things in place for them. And you know, they missed out on a lot of different opportunities. Where I think that for me at least it was good to narrow in on that when I had to start narrowing in on it because it's kind of getting to the point where, okay, where do you want to take, take this path, but I mean, without the other sports, I would have, I would have burnt out and quit soccer. No doubt in my mind.

[A]

That kid is invited to a friend's bowling party and he tries to use his feet.

[B]

Poor guy has no idea. No idea.

[A]

So Brian, I'm going to guess if you couldn't get another parent besides yourself that you don't have so many intense. My kid needs to earn a scholarship off of this. Or do you, or do you see signs of that among the other parents? Maybe not on your team, but in the league.

[D]

There is pressure from the parents, you know, to do well, to teach, to win. You know, like I said, these are all parents with full time jobs and, and I think that there's just hesitation to commit to the expectation of being a head coach in the league. But the parents are into it. The parents want to win and they do have expectations and they do. I, I do feel pressure from the parents to do well and to help their, their kids. And that's why I wanted to talk to Jeff as well, because I feel that pressure. So I do want to do better, you know, and I did want, I also wanted to ask Jeff about, because he brought something up earlier.

[A]

Well, let me just interrupt and say on the one hand, to quote Billie Jean King, you know, pressure is a privilege. And she's talking about being the premier athlete in her sport in the world. But even at this level, I think it's good that you're not just saying, hey, no one else is going to do it, you know, you can't get worse. Me, I think it's good probably that you're putting some pressure on yourself to deliver for the kids, for yourself, maybe way down the line for the parents. I think so. I mean, Jeff, would you agree with that?

[B]

Yeah. You don't want to go out there and just assume that the, you know, the point of sports is winning. So I mean, I think that understanding that. But at the same time, like at that age, like I think that for you having the of mindset and the idea that like I actually do want to get these girls better and I want to try to improve their skill set, that goes a long way because like, you know, to the point it's, you don't want somebody out there that's just like I'm out here checking the box because nobody else would do it.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Maybe that would be a way that you could communicate to the parents not because you feel pressured to do so, but because it's a reflection of what you and the team are trying to do. Look, when the season started, here's where Hannah was on this skill. You could pick a specific skill, and even if we went 2 and 6 on the season or however you're by the end, she could do this. And Chloe in the beginning couldn't properly do a throw in without misaligning her arms. And now look at her. I don't know. Maybe that's a way that you could show progress, even if the progress isn't wins and losses.

[D]

Yeah, absolutely. That's great. Just something that Jeff brought up earlier I wanted to circle back on. Like you said, there's always going to be kids who are not going to be focused and motivated, you know, during practices and even during games. And what are your strategies that you implement to help with that?

[B]

I won't even lie. I have a challenge with that. With some kids, I think that some kids want to be there and some kids don't. And, like, if you end up trying to spend all your time with those kids, it's tough. But for focus standpoint, the trick that the coaches use with me growing up is the same one that I use now. And whenever I feel like the girls need to refocus, I bring them in and I honestly, I play. Simon says, with them, they do instructions. They're moving like, they have fun with it. And then from there, it's like, okay, like, are we refocused? Are we. We. Are we paying attention to coach now? More times than not, it usually works.

[A]

Yeah, that's your save as the goalie. All right, this isn't working. Everyone get in a row. Simon says, by the way, do you have a go to elimination move? And Simon says, I'll give you a good one. You get two kids to follow the instruction to do the. Simon says. And to clasp hands like they're going to do a handshake. And then you say, shake hands, and if even one of them screws up, they'll both shake hands and they're both out. And of course, the one that didn't screw up is going to be very upset with it, but it's usually a crowd pleaser.

[B]

That's a good one. I'll start. I'll have to bust that one out.

[A]

Jeff, you're coaching your daughter in the sport you didn't play. Is there a reason you didn't want to coach her or coach her this early in the sport you did?

[B]

Yeah, I'm trying to work that one out through myself, honestly. You know, she's not into soccer. She Was into it. She was into it when she was really young. And then. And then she's kind of phased out of it. But I could see my son starting to gravitate towards it a little bit, especially now that I'm working for the rowdy. So he's a grounded a little bit more. I wouldn't want to teach them at a young age because I think that I would worry about the patience that I would have with them. And that's soccer in general, honestly, like coaching young kids with soccer. For me, I would rather not because I worry about the patience aspect that you need. But if my.

[A]

Sorry to interrupt. Do you mean when they're doing something wrong in softball, it strikes you? Well, you know it's wrong, but it doesn't really hit you on a gut level. But in soccer it does. In soccer it's more frustrating if they're not getting a skill or not doing something right.

[B]

I'm used to training kids at a higher level, so I'm trying to look at the game from a different perspective. Whereas softball, it's like I'm watching the game the same way they are. You know, I'm learning as I go.

[D]

Yeah, I was just going to say kind of sounds like the dynamic between my wife and I. She played soccer through high school and she's so much more intense about soccer. So I think I have a different perspective. I'm seeing it as an outsider and I'm so much more encouraging to the girls. I'm like, it's okay, you did a great job. And my wife was like, no, that was not great. That was terrible. You need to do a better job.

[B]

I will say that I have a harder time being hard on the girls. Right. Like, I have a hard time doing that. But we have a mom who's also a coach of the softball team and she'll get at them. So I do think that there's something about that balance where, you know, if you do have somebody that's with you that isn't afraid to like get at him a little bit because then you start looking like the guy that's like, all right, well we'll start listening to coach bit a little. Little bit more.

[D]

Yeah, he's not so bad. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Brian is, among other things, the coach of the Blue Diamonds soccer team which are currently tearing up Los Angeles based youth league. Thank you so much, Brian.

[D]

Thank you, Mike. Thank you, Jeff. Really appreciate your help with everything.

[A]

And to Jeff, we say Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. Which was the cheer of the Portland Timbers when he played. He is a five year veteran of that team. He is a ten year veteran of the MLS and like I said came in second one year in the NASL's MVP voting was the Big East Goalkeeper of the Year. Jeff Adenella, thank you so much.

[B]

I appreciate you having me on. Hopefully it's helpful.

[A]

If you like what you heard today, please give us a rating and a review. We do need your questions that start with the words how to contact [e-mail] hey, do you need to make an apology? We have a brilliant apology specialist but they need to workshop it with a real apology. And if you have such an apology to make, contact us at howtoikepaska.com today on the Gist, the show I do every day we meet a writing implement.

[B]

I am a 6 foot tall pencil from my Converse, my yellow Converse sheet at the bottom to the top of

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my pointy head and pencil, as pencil is known, is running for governor of California and pencil's doing pretty well and I gotta say raising important issues. Morgan's not doing that well in Reading. Who better than Pencil to point out this fact? How to is produced by Jeff Craig and Cory Warra. Michelle Pesca puts the can do in How To. Charles Duhigg founded How To. Still a very active presence in in the office, running around asking about guests and edits and music until I just have to tell the guy, this is your cone.

[B]

Don't move from this cone.

[A]

You're doing great, tiger. Stay there. We'll go out for ice cream after. I'm Mike Pesca, back every week answering your questions of How To. I'm Kiana and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed.

[C]

Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know,

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