Lily wants to have satisfying sex that plays to her core desires, but lately it’s been hard to describe to potential partners exactly what she wants. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Dr. Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman—sexologists, authors, and the founders of the Somatica Institute. They coach Lily (and all of us) on how to define the individual experiences we’re seeking—and communicate them to others.

If you liked this episode check out:

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Our technical director is Merritt Jacob and our supervising producer is Joel Meyer.

Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.