How We Made Your Mother: Presenting "Hyperfocus" with Craig Thomas

Podcast: How We Made Your Mother
Appearing On: Hyperfocus (hosted by Ray Jacobson)
Guest: Craig Thomas, co-creator of How I Met Your Mother
Date: September 30, 2025
Theme: Living, parenting, and making art through the lens of disability; personal transformation; language and representation in media.

Episode Overview

This special crossover features Craig Thomas (co-creator of "How I Met Your Mother") as a guest on Ray Jacobson’s "Hyperfocus" podcast. The conversation dives into Craig’s journey as a parent to Elliot, his son born with Jacobson Syndrome—a rare genetic disorder. Craig opens up about learning to navigate the challenges and unexpected joys of disability parenthood, his reflections on language—particularly the perpetuation of the R-word in culture and media—and how these experiences have reshaped his creativity and outlook. The discussion also touches on representation in media, the power and the responsibility of comedy, and the forthcoming release of Craig's novel, "That's Not How It Happened," inspired by his familial story.

Key Topics & Insights

1. The Story Behind the Story: Craig Thomas as Parent and Creator

• [03:16–08:33] A Decade of Change

  • Craig describes the simultaneous rise of his TV career and the birth of his son with Jacobson Syndrome.
  • The shock and steep learning curve of becoming a disability parent with no preparation or roadmap.
  • "I always said I was sort of living—I was living an hour drama show at home and then driving to work and doing a sitcom." (Craig Thomas, 04:00)

• [08:33–09:48] The ‘Cliff’ Metaphor

  • Parents of children with disabilities describe the transition to adulthood as “standing on a cliff”—a mix of uncertainty and anxiety, with no societal roadmap for adult disabled life.

2. Past Ignorance and the Power of Language

• [13:35–19:34] Confronting the R-Word in Culture & Personal History

  • Craig candidly recounts how the R-word was normalized in 90s/00s comedy, including in writer’s rooms and his own early scripts. He expresses regret but also emphasizes the importance of evolution.
  • "I really almost burst into tears when I saw it because my son…I've spent 18 years really reprogramming my mind and soul and just seeing the world so differently." (Craig Thomas, 17:05)
  • "I remember going into my writer's room after my son was born and thinking, I've got to tell people, you cannot make jokes like this around me anymore." (Craig Thomas, 18:32)

• [17:14–21:00] Why Words Matter

  • Craig draws a parallel between slurs and the way the R-word is defended today, likening it to other bigoted language.
  • "Words do actually matter…they mean something—and they shape how we think about certain types of people." (Craig Thomas, 17:22)
  • He notes a troubling resurgence of the word in current media and public discourse.

3. Evolving Representation in Media

• [21:00–25:38] Comedy, Punching Down, and Reflecting on "How I Met Your Mother"
  • Exploration of “edgy” comedy versus “clever” comedy—Craig champions that the best comedy isn’t about bullying or punching down.
  • On reflecting during a re-watch podcast, Craig finds jokes and terms in early episodes that he wouldn’t use today and calls for comedy writers to evolve.
  • "Even this open-hearted show that is full of love…we had a few moments as younger comedy writers…we didn’t realize some of those words, maybe you don’t need to say." (Craig Thomas, 22:10)

4. The Emotional Work of Changing Attitudes

• [25:38–35:03] Personalizing the Issue & Engaging Others
  • Craig shares that confronting people about language is most effective when making it personal—explaining why it’s profoundly hurtful.
  • "If you like any of the work I’ve done…this word is a slur against an aspect of my son's humanity and his identity…" (Craig Thomas, 26:12)
  • The exhaustion people with disabilities (and their families) feel when constantly having to explain and assert their humanity.
  • "We have to kind of lay ourselves bare over and over and over and say, please care. Please care about this." (Ray Jacobson, 30:52)

5. Responsibility of Media: Art’s Role in Changing Minds

• [31:36–34:42] Art as a Bridge
  • Both Ray and Craig reflect on how stories, books, TV, and art uniquely invite empathy from those outside a community.
  • Craig wishes he had incorporated more real disability representation into "How I Met Your Mother" and is now using his book and essays to fill that gap.
  • "If I could go back in time, I would have put people…I would have cast roles on How I Met Your Mother, more often with people with disabilities." (Craig Thomas, 33:02)

6. Invisible vs. Visible Disability & Identity

• [35:03–39:53] Navigating Belonging and Masking

  • Ray discusses the complex feelings of belonging for people with invisible disabilities—passing, masking, and imposter syndrome.
  • Craig affirms that all who are affected have a place in the community and that self-doubt is common among parents and individuals with disabilities alike.

• [50:51–53:23] Changing Appearance, Changing Perceptions

  • Thomas shares how his son recently lost all his hair (a rare symptom), shifting how strangers perceive him, and the family’s journey embracing this change.
  • On the futility and societal roots of masking: "No one would feel the need to hide or pass or feel shame if we were in a society that didn’t use things like the R word…Instead, just be people. How do we include? How do we open up the world?" (Craig Thomas, 52:20)

7. Joys, Achievements & The Ongoing Road

• [44:00–50:00] Celebrating Elliot
  • Craig’s pride: Elliot is a passionate, skilled drummer, performing in school and at charity events with professional musicians and actors from HIMYM.
  • "He can’t button a button…but he can play Led Zeppelin on the drums. He is so rock steady." (Craig Thomas, 44:43)
  • What keeps Craig up at night: the improvisational, uncertain path for adults with disabilities, and the wish for more structural answers.
  • The universal fear and hope of all parents: "Parenthood is letting your heart come out of your body and walk around on your side." (Craig Thomas, 49:49)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "He cannot be reduced to any one thing…and that’s the gift of it. The challenge is wanting the world to see him that way."
  (Craig Thomas, 45:47)

• "Comedy at its best does not punch down…It's not bullying. Comedy is not bullying. Comedy is thought-provoking, comedy is satirical."
  (Craig Thomas, 20:10)

• "Writers write what they know. A great deal of the time, and I thought I need to write something and put something out in the world about this topic."
  (Craig Thomas, 07:52)

• "If they had somebody in their life that they loved who had a disability and said to them, it really hurts my feelings when you use this…that might be the only way to get through."
  (Craig Thomas, 28:05)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Highlight | | -------------- | ------------------------------------------------- | | 03:16–08:33 | Craig’s personal story, HIMYM’s rise, and Elliot’s diagnosis. | | 08:33–09:48 | Navigating adulthood for disabled children—the “cliff.” | | 13:35–17:05 | The R-word in culture, writer’s rooms, and personal evolution. | | 21:00–25:38 | Comedy’s responsibility; reflecting on media language choices. | | 26:12–28:05 | Making language personal—how to reach others. | | 44:00–45:47 | Elliot’s musical talent, pride in achievements. | | 49:49–50:00 | Universal fears and love in parenthood. | | 50:51–52:20 | Elliot’s changing appearance and the challenge of societal perception & acceptance. |

Conclusion

This emotionally charged, frequently funny, and deeply human conversation between Craig Thomas and Ray Jacobson explores parenting, disability, language, and media with honesty and openness. Craig’s willingness to confront his past blind spots and ongoing regrets, his advocacy for better representation, and his pride in his son invite listeners to expand their empathy, examine their own language, and consider their own roles within—and adjacent to—the disability community.

For anyone interested in family, creative work, or the power of language and art to shape society, this episode is a must-listen.

Craig Thomas’s novel "That's Not How It Happened" releases Fall 2025 and is available for preorder now.