Proven Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: Proven Podcast
Episode Title: Bridge the Gap: Unspoken Language of Leadership and Success
Host: Charles Schwartz
Guest: Jennifer Edwards
Date: October 1, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode features executive coach and author Jennifer Edwards for a deep dive into the hidden skills that drive authentic leadership, connection, and success in 2025’s hyper-polarized and distracted environment. They explore how true influence and collaboration start with inner work, emotional discipline, and psychological flexibility—rather than mere tactics or strategy. Jennifer and Charles candidly share real-world experiences, practical frameworks, and thought-provoking questions about connection, identity, ego, and leadership.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Foundations of Connection

• Inner Work Before Outer Connection:
  Jennifer emphasizes the necessity of personal clarity before you can truly connect with others. She introduces the concept of “coming in clean,” being fully self-aware, and showing up with intentional presence.

  • “People think connection is actually about the other person, and it's actually about me and my human suit… The very, very most important thing we have to know about connection is I have to come in clean.” — Jennifer [02:11]

• The Two Brains:
  Both head and gut (intellect and intuition) need alignment for meaningful connection. Charles visualizes this for listeners.

  • “If I'm connected deeply in my two brains, then I have great connection with another.” — Jennifer [02:56]

Morning Routines & Pattern Interrupts

• Setting the Foundation:
  Jennifer outlines how first thoughts of the day set the stage for optimal interactions. She advocates for a morning routine including breathwork, gratitude, and mindfulness rather than immediately consuming outside noise.

  • “The very first thoughts we put into our mind set us up for success or not.” — Jennifer [03:46]

• Practical Tactics from Charles:
  Charles uses environmental cues—like an automatic Internet shutoff at 10pm—to force digital detox and support better mornings.

  • “At 10 o'clock, it shuts off. So that's a tactical thing…” — Charles [05:31]

• Custom Meditation Practices:
  Jennifer stresses individualized meditation, often preferring walking meditations in nature for herself and encouraging clients to experiment until they find what works.

  • “You’re not going to find out what works for you by trying it one time. You're going to have to embrace a period of trying different things.” — Jennifer [06:19]

Taming the Inner Narrator & Emotional Management

• Naming Internal Voices:
  Both share how identifying and even naming one’s internal critics or “barkers” makes them easier to acknowledge and calm.

  • “I call her Hannah and I say, hey… let's meet that with her.” — Jennifer [09:44]

• Compassion for the Barking Mind:
  Jennifer urges listeners to approach these inner voices with gratitude and gentleness, as they’re often protective—even if unhelpful.

Cognitive Filters: Questions that Change Outcomes

• Filter Questions for Decision-Making
  Both use concise self-inquiries as “pattern interrupts” to reset behavior:

  • Charles: “Does this get me closer to my goal?” [11:50]
  • Jennifer: “How is this serving me now?” [12:22] These create a pause, allowing deeper, more reasoned responses.

• Evolving Filters:
  Over time, one’s primary question can shift—from “Is this the right thing?” to “Is this joyful?” or “Is this optimal?” highlighting the need for ongoing self-reflection.

Sleepwalking Through Life & The Power of Awareness

• The Dangers of Autopilot
  Jennifer and Charles discuss how many professionals and leaders operate unconsciously (i.e., “sleepwalking”), missing self-authorship and new possibilities.

  • “A lot of the world walks through the world sleepwalking.” — Jennifer [17:22]
  • “We just even forget that we have agency over what we want.” — Jennifer [20:01]

• Simple, Powerful Questions from Reality Therapy
  Jennifer introduces Dr. William Glasser’s four self-disruptive questions:

  1. What do I want?
  2. What am I doing?
  3. Is what I’m doing getting me what I want?
  4. If not, what’s my plan?
     [19:20]

• Process of Discovery Via Subtraction
  Charles cites the story of Michelangelo and the sculpture of David: “I just took away all the Parts that weren’t David.” When stuck, clarify what isn't your goal, then remove it.
  [21:10]

Community & Environmental Influence

• The Value of Community in Sustaining Growth
  Jennifer warns against the epidemic of loneliness exacerbated by technology, and advises intentional community-building with people who believe in your potential and will push you.

  • “You are the sum of who you surround yourself with and build a decision... with people who will hold you capable, not accountable, capable to that greatness…” — Jennifer [22:03]

• Practical Approaches to Entering New Rooms
  To upgrade one’s environment, Jennifer advocates courageous outreach, humility, and a willingness to learn—even just by picking up the phone and asking.

  • “If you pick up the phone and say... I'd love a chance to learn from you... The answer is 9 out of 10 times yes.” — Jennifer [40:00]

Leadership, Ego, and Collaboration

• The Formula for Agency
  Jennifer: Event + Response = Outcome. You can only control your response, not the event or outcome.

  • “Events come and go, outcomes take care of themselves. But you only have authorship over your response.” — Jennifer [15:26]

• Leadership by Example
  To inspire loyalty, bleed for your team—show vulnerability and commitment before demanding it from others.

  • “You must be willing to bleed for them. They must see you bleed first.” — Charles [32:33]

• Ego as the Primary Obstacle
  The greatest barrier to optimization is always the self: ego, defensiveness, or clinging to old patterns.

Bridging Gaps & Psychological Flexibility

• Psychological Flexibility > Safety
  Jennifer champions not just “safety” but true flexibility: to be so present and curious you can see why another’s truth is real to them, discovering “the third way” (not just compromise, but creative solutions).

  • “The secret weapon is to walk in with a psychological flexibility, a willingness to be so present... that when you're with that person, you can see why their truth is their truth.” — Jennifer [45:24]

• Tactical Questions that Disarm
  Jennifer’s three favorites for opening space:

  1. “Tell me about…”
  2. “Share with me…”
  3. “What about…?”
     Use these multiple times; avoid “Why?” questions, which trigger defensiveness. [47:42–51:31]
  • “The biggest secret to bridging a gap is to not wrestle in the beginning… let them fully express themselves.” — Jennifer [48:09]

Subtle Language, Tone & Pattern Breaks

• Energy, Tone, and Cadence
  The delivery is as important as the words. Tone, pacing, and even single words (“It is raining.”) change meaning depending on emphasis and context. [52:04]

• Mirroring and Matching
  Advanced connection: mirror not just words and body language but breath and even heart rate for deep rapport.

  • “If you mirror someone's verbiage, their physiology, you then mirror their breath, your heart rate will change and match that.” — Charles [53:47]

• The Power of Pattern Interrupts
  Breaking tension or ruts with humor, food, or unexpected actions (e.g., Charles inviting tense negotiations out for pho) can reset dynamics and foster breakthrough.

  • “It’s about bringing something, an unexpected moment of levity, humanity... that reminds us, oh, actually, this is just business.” — Jennifer [61:21]

Presence: The Core Leadership Tool

• Presence is a Superpower
  Both agree that giving someone full, undistracted attention is increasingly rare and transformative.

  • “I cannot stress this enough. You know, the most important thing there is for connection, for breakthroughs is being present in your body.” — Jennifer [66:03]
  • “We are crying out as a human species to be seen, understood, and valued... Give someone your presence. That is what they want.” — Jennifer [63:50]

• Being, Not Doing
  Jennifer reframes leadership as “who am I going to be?” when entering a room, not “what am I going to do?” [67:53]

  • “It's about who I am before I get into the room… It's not what you’re doing, it's who you’re being.” — Jennifer [66:52, 67:53]

• The “Viral” Nature of Energy
  We all act as “unconscious viruses” that infect any room we enter. Leaders must intentionally choose what they bring, especially generosity and curiosity. [77:11]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We live life coming in hot way too often. And if I really want to hold space and be with someone and maximize my brain’s ability to think, reason, and to find a third way, my job is to make sure I’m optimized.” — Jennifer [30:39]

• “Do you want to look smart, or do you want to make an impact?” — Jennifer quoting her editor [35:04]

• “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” — Charles [37:14]

• “The only thing we can do to help a client fix their pain is decide if it's worth fixing first. No one does anything without a really important reason. So it always starts with, why would this be worth it to you?” — Jennifer [71:44]

• “There are no magic bullets except this one: How you walk into a room and who you decide to be in that moment will entirely shift everything.” — Jennifer [78:06]

Important Timestamps

• [02:11] | Connection is about your own internal state
• [03:46] | Setting up your day’s intention and mindset
• [06:19] | Meditation and finding what fits you
• [09:35] | Naming your “barker”—practical self-soothing
• [12:22] | “How is this serving me now?” as a pattern interrupt
• [19:20] | Four self-reflective questions (from Glasser)
• [22:03] | The value of community for change
• [30:39] | Presence and holding space in business and life
• [40:00] | Courageous outreach: just ask to enter new rooms
• [45:24] | Bridging deep gaps via psychological flexibility
• [47:42] | Three open questions to unlock dialogue
• [52:04] | “It is raining” — demonstrating the power of tone
• [61:21] | Pattern interrupts and their practical power
• [66:03] | The superpower of full attention and presence
• [78:06] | Your energy is viral—choose it with intention
• [80:23] | Authenticity as the foundation of real connection

Actionable Takeaways

• Start your day with intention, not external info.
• Name and acknowledge internal voices; treat them with compassion.
• Use empowering filters and pattern interrupts to change your state.
• Build community by courageously reaching out to people who challenge and inspire you.
• When in conflict or negotiation, use non-confrontational, open questions (“Tell me about...”), avoid “why” questions, and let others empty their cup first.
• In leadership, presence and authenticity trump scripts or tactics.
• Regularly check your ego and assumptions—are you focused on impact or validation?
• To build or rebuild connection with others, start by optimizing your own state (mindset, breath, energy).
• If you want your team to go all out for you, model vulnerability and commitment first.
• The “virus effect”: recognize your unspoken influence in every room you enter.

Connect with Jennifer Edwards

• Book: Bridge the Gap (McGraw Hill)
• Website: howtobridgethegap.com
• LinkedIn: Jennifer Edwards ([search “Jennifer Edwards Bridge the Gap”])
• Social: Find interviews, insights, and contact options by searching her name & book

Final Thought

Presence is the rarest and most powerful leadership tool. Your bottom line and your legacy start with your daily choice: Who will you be in every room, and how will you bridge the gap?