Podcast Summary: I Have ADHD Podcast

Episode 299 – "The Follow-Through Formula: ADHD-Friendly Tips That Actually Work!"

Host: Kristen Carder
Date: January 21, 2025

Episode Overview

Kristen Carder celebrates her 299th episode by diving into one of the most persistent challenges for adults with ADHD: following through. She lays out her formula for sustainable, ADHD-friendly follow-through, highlighting four foundational elements that are usually missing from traditional productivity systems. The episode is both practical and encouraging, blending Kristen’s personal journey, expert insight, and direct advice for listeners seeking better self-understanding and tangible progress in their lives.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reflection on 299 Episodes and Community (00:34–06:30)

• Kristen shares her journey from a fearful, inconsistent new podcaster in 2018 to nearly 300 episodes.
• Encourages listeners: "You don't have to be consistent to be successful...just try to be resilient and persistent." (04:30)
• Emphasizes the podcast’s purpose—normalizing ADHD experiences, fostering belonging, and countering stigma.

2. The Real Problem with Follow-Through for ADHDers (06:31–12:06)

• Common frustration: "We want to accomplish something, we want to get it done, but we can't make ourselves do it."
• Kristen references Dr. Russell Barkley: “ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do. It's a disorder of not getting yourself to be able to do the things that you know you want to do.” (08:20)
• Traditional productivity tools and courses fail ADHDers because they leave out four critical elements.

3. The Four Pillars of the ADHD Follow-Through Formula

1. A Clear Vision (12:07–20:13)

• ADHD affects executive functioning: organization, prioritization, planning, visual working memory, and self-reflection—making a clear future vision extremely challenging.
• Neurotypical productivity tools assume users already possess a clear vision; ADHDers often do not.
• Quote: "How the hell is someone with ADHD supposed to develop a clear vision?" (15:12)
• Actionable advice: Don’t despair—developing clarity is possible over time, but acknowledge how big a hurdle it is.

2. A “Good Enough” Why (20:14–27:26)

• It’s not enough for a “why” to be generally meaningful—it must be compelling to you, not just reflect others’ expectations.
• ADHDers tend to be people-pleasers, so their lists get cluttered with others’ goals.
• “Are your whys good enough to keep you going when it's scary or after you fail?” (21:09)
• Notable moment: Kristen reminisces about her own “why” for starting the podcast: “Somebody needed to be here for these people...that was a really, really good enough why for me.” (22:00)
• Action Tip: If you feel a full body resistance to tasks, consider that the why doesn’t actually belong to you—cross unaligned items off your list.

3. A Willingness to Say No (27:27–32:09)

• ADHD symptoms like impulsivity and time blindness make it far too easy to overcommit and say “yes” to everything.
• Kristen’s take: “Most everything that is clamoring for your attention is just noise.” (29:32)
• Encourages building tolerance for guilt and discomfort when saying “no”—it’s necessary for progress.
• Reframing quitting: “Quitting is actually for winners.” (30:15) Letting go of non-aligned commitments gives clarity and capacity for what matters.

4. An Emotional Regulation Toolkit (32:10–38:50)

• Emotional dysregulation (feeling emotions “real big”) is a key ADHD challenge that derails follow-through.
• Quote: “You don’t have gas in your fuel tank [emotion], you’re not going anywhere—vision, why, saying no, none of it matters if you can’t overcome fear, depression, frustration, or anxiety.” (34:32)
• Action is fueled by emotion; if you can't self-soothe or process feelings, you’ll remain paralyzed by shame, fear, or overwhelm.
• Practical suggestion: Seek therapy, coaching, or educational resources to develop these skills.

4. Listener Voicemail: Finding Direction when Feeling Lost (34:56–38:50)

Listener asks: After losing jobs and moving back home, feeling lost—how do you move forward when overwhelmed by choices?

Kristen’s Advice:

• "Just choose something and start moving. It doesn’t have to be the perfect choice.”
• Echoes her husband's metaphor: “You can't steer a car that's not in motion.” (36:37)
• Encourages taking the path of least resistance—temporary, low-pressure steps help restore momentum.
• Adds nuance: When truly stuck or defeated, don’t worry about perfect vision or whys—just act to shift your emotional state.

5. What Triggered Me This Week: School Forms Meltdown (38:51–46:37)

• Kristen rants humorously about the overwhelming bureaucracy of school assessments.
• Highlights the extra challenge for neurodivergent parents, even those “high-functioning.”
• Memorable moment: “Don't the school psychologists understand that children who struggle come from parents who struggle?...I just want to scream!” (41:17)
• Appeals to educators: Please show empathy and practical support to parents dealing with these forms.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Perseverance:
  “I just want to encourage you that you don’t have to be consistent to be successful. Instead of aiming for consistency, I just tried to be resilient, and I tried to be persistent. All I cared about was just picking myself back up and trying again.” (03:51)
• On ADHD & Vision:
  “Without organization, prioritization, planning, visual working memory, or self-reflection, how the hell is someone with ADHD supposed to develop a clear vision?” (15:12)
• On Saying No and Quitting:
  “Quitting is actually for winners. When you know something is not aligned, quit it. I promise you, you will gain clarity, you will gain time, you’ll gain capacity.” (30:15)
• On Emotional Regulation:
  “It’s being able to tolerate feeling an emotion—it’s one of the most necessary skills that adults with ADHD must develop if we’re gonna do anything with our lives.” (35:40)
• Listener encouragement:
  "Just choose something and start moving...You can't steer a car that's not in motion." (36:37)
• Relatable humor:
  “When I bowl, I use bumpers, everyone. I am a 43-year-old, grown-ass woman who uses bumpers when she bowls because she can.” (36:59)
• Advocacy for neurodivergent parents:
  "Kids who struggle in school have parents who struggle…Please be gentle with us. Please send us more reminders." (44:26)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro & Milestone Reflection: 00:34–06:30
• The ADHD Follow-Through Problem: 06:31–12:06
• Pillar 1: Clear Vision: 12:07–20:13
• Pillar 2: Good Enough Why: 20:14–27:26
• Pillar 3: Saying No: 27:27–32:09
• Pillar 4: Emotional Regulation: 32:10–38:50
• Listener Voicemail & Kristen’s Advice: 34:56–38:50
• What Triggered Me This Week (School Forms): 38:51–46:37

Final Takeaways

• ADHD-friendly follow-through is NOT about rigid systems or perfect discipline—it requires building foundational tools specific to the ADHD brain: vision, personalized motivation, boundaries, and emotional flexibility.
• Kristen provides a strong blend of empathy, realness, and actionable strategies for ADHDers—and reminds listeners that belonging and compassion are as important as any tool or trick.
• The show remains a warm, funny, and practical resource for anyone navigating adult ADHD.