Podcast Summary: I Have ADHD Podcast
Episode 302: "One Year SOBER(ish): My Story Plus the Surprising Link Between ADHD and Alcohol Dependency"
Host: Kristen Carder
Date: February 11, 2025
Episode Overview
Kristen Carder delivers a candid, deeply personal solo episode marking just over one year alcohol-free ("sober-ish") and explores the pervasive yet under-acknowledged relationship between ADHD and alcohol dependency. Through sharing her own journey and referencing scientific research, Kristen creates a safe, shame-free space for listeners to examine their own habits, motivations, and needs. She also addresses pathological demand avoidance (PDA) in response to a listener voicemail, discusses shifting parenting strategies, and delivers a pointed critique of the stigma and barriers ADHD adults face in obtaining proper medical treatment.
Main Topics & Key Insights
1. Kristen’s Alcohol-Free Journey & Sobriety Reflections
(00:40–26:30)
- Kristen candidly recounts her prior drinking habits: one to two glasses of wine every day for years, never feeling "out of control" but unable to moderate.
- Her attempts to cut back failed repeatedly—"200 times" (01:24)—before she finally quit daily drinking after New Year’s Eve, 2023.
- She adopted a "local sober" rule: no drinking in her home state, with only four drinks total in 2024, each a memorable, intentional experience away from home.
- Kristen shares how drinking had become a tool for stress relief, but ultimately contributed to headaches, insomnia, brain fog, and daily anxiety.
- Key outcome: "Nobody regrets getting sober. We so often regret how much we drink, but nobody ever regrets getting sober." (12:57)
- Benefits of quitting:
- Dramatically improved sleep and circadian rhythm
- Increased energy, alertness, creativity, and focus
- Five-pound weight loss (primarily belly fat)
- Loss of cravings and "brain chatter" around drinking
- Replacing the ritual with a love for sparkling water—"Dear sparkling water, I love you so much. You have changed my life." (17:50)
- Kristen emphasizes zero shame—using alcohol as a self-soothing tool was necessary at one point in her life.
Quote:
"For me, moderating wasn't an option… I couldn't be the person who drank less." (07:00)
2. ADHD and Alcohol Dependency—The Science & Personal Reflections
(22:10–26:45, 39:00–45:00)
- Kristen discusses research:
- Impulsive decisions and a broken dopamine reward system in ADHD increase vulnerability to alcohol use (ScienceDirect).
- Up to 43% of adults with ADHD develop alcohol use disorder; ADHD often precedes problematic drinking.
- Alcohol is commonly used to self-medicate when ADHD goes undiagnosed, poorly treated, or treatment is inaccessible.
- She relates her own experience—despite being medicated for ADHD, she still lacked proper tools and suspects an anxiety medication might have been a healthier support.
- Medical systems often fail ADHD adults by being medication-averse, leading to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Quote:
"ADHD makes you vulnerable for alcohol use, and up to 43% of ADHDers develop an alcohol use disorder… I'm just part of that stat." (25:05)
3. Navigating Shame, Denial, and Social Norms
(14:30–18:50)
- Kristen tackles the cultural normalization (and minimization) of daily drinking, especially among women and mothers (“mommy wine time”).
- She shares empathy for listeners who may feel defensive or resistant to “sobriety” conversations; acknowledges she herself felt this way for years.
- Encourages self-inquiry: Is the habit serving you? Are there potentially better tools? Is anxiety actually improved by alcohol?
Quote:
"If that's how you're reacting to this, that's fair. I've been there... I had that perspective for years." (14:30)
4. Tools & Resources for Going Alcohol-Free
(26:00–28:00)
- Resources mentioned:
- Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)
- Sober Mom Squad community
- Podcast: "Sober Awkward"
- Suggests speaking with a doctor before quitting alcohol if dependence is high (“could be very, very, very dangerous”).
- Advocates compassion and experimentation. Try 30 days alcohol-free; see what changes.
5. ADHD, Treatment Access, and Medical Barriers
(45:00–57:30)
- Kristen strongly critiques clinicians who stigmatize ADHD medications, pushing patients toward unhealthier coping behaviors (alcohol, weed, sex, etc.).
- Shares a striking anecdote: a SpaceX employee afraid to discuss dosage with their doctor out of fear of being labeled drug-seeking.
- ADHDers commonly forget to take their medication—contradicts narrative of stimulant “addictiveness.”
- Calls for empathy in medical practice and empowers patients to advocate for themselves.
Quote:
"If ADHD medication is so addictive, why do my patients constantly forget to take their medicine?" (55:00)
6. Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA): Listener Q&A
(29:37–41:00)
- Listener Jenna expresses concern for herself and her son—both showing signs of "perceived demand avoidance" (PDA), often misdiagnosed as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).
- Kristen responds, explaining:
- PDA is a nervous system disability involving fight-or-flight in response to perceived demands or loss of autonomy.
- Primarily recognized as an autistic profile (not ADHD), but significant overlap exists.
- In her own family, shifting from high-demand, rules-based parenting to “lower demand” approaches (doing more for her son, emphasizing autonomy and choice) resulted in profound improvements.
- Advice: Lower internal and external demands, nurture autonomy, and research PDA—especially via autistic self-advocates.
- Promises a future expert guest on PDA.
Quote:
"So much about PDA is the absolute need to have choice and autonomy. It is not optional." (40:05)
7. Research Highlight: Alcohol and Cancer Risk
(41:00–45:00, 56:00–57:00)
- Kristen cites the January 2025 Surgeon General Advisory: Alcohol is the third-leading preventable cause of cancer in the U.S. (after tobacco and obesity)—accounting for up to 100,000 cases and 20,000 deaths annually.
- The largest burden is from breast cancer in women; even one drink per day materially increases risks for multiple cancers.
- Yet, less than half of Americans are aware of this link.
Quote:
"Maybe we should stop with the mommy wine times, knowing that alcohol use causes breast cancer in women." (43:45)
Notable Quotes, By Timestamp
- On the illusion of moderation & shame:
"I tried to make myself that person... I couldn't do it... There was not a day that was going by where I did not consume an alcoholic beverage." (06:00) - On craving & withdrawal:
"Alcohol is addictive. I don't know if you know this. Alcohol is addictive... It was embarrassingly hard." (10:53) - On stigma & self-compassion:
"I understand that alcohol is a tool that I had to use in order to survive my life... There was nothing wrong with me." (18:25) - On medical gaslighting:
"I don't want to be accused of being a drug addict... That poor human being whose doctor made them feel like they were some sort of druggie... when they just want to feel stable." (53:20) - On PDA & shifting parenting:
"You actually lower demands... We took away all screen time, most screen time restrictions. We started doing everything for him... He's a completely different person." (36:50)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- Kristen’s personal sober journey & realizations: 00:40–22:10
- Alcohol, ADHD, and moderation struggle: 06:00–14:00
- Sobriety benefits & sparkling water love letter: 15:50–18:50
- Research on ADHD & alcohol risk: 22:10–26:45, 39:00–45:00
- Tools, support groups, podcast recommendations: 26:00–28:00
- Listener voicemail (Jenna) on PDA: 29:37–31:05
- PDA explanation & parenting adaptation: 31:05–41:00
- Surgeon General Alcohol & Cancer Advisory: 41:00–45:00
- Medical stigma, patient advocacy: 45:00–57:30
Episode Tone & Takeaways
Kristen's tone is warmly direct, humorous, and encouraging, with genuine empathy for her listeners' resistance, shame, and struggles. She shocks with science, entertains with sparkling-water devotion, and uplifts by normalizing "sober-ish" living as attainable—even for the most reluctant. Throughout, she returns to self-acceptance and individualized solutions, reminding ADHD adults that no one regrets getting sober, and that seeking true regulation and stability is an act of self-care.
Resources & Further Reading
- Sober Mom Squad: [Website]
- Sober Awkward Podcast: [Podcast link]
- ScienceDirect and National Library of Medicine studies: See episode show notes
- Surgeon General Alcohol & Cancer Advisory: [Link in show notes]
For more:
"If you're an adult with ADHD who wants to figure out how to be motivated from the inside out and make real, lasting changes in your life, join hundreds of others from around the world in Focused." — Kristen Carder