Podcast Summary: I Have ADHD Podcast

Episode 333: Want to Stay Behind Forever? Keep Ignoring Your Capacity
Host: Kristen Carder
Date: September 9, 2025

Main Theme & Purpose

In this episode, Kristen Carder dives into the underestimated and under-discussed topic of "capacity" in the context of time management for adults with ADHD. Instead of focusing solely on systems, planners, and productivity hacks, Kristen offers a compassionate and reality-based approach: embracing your personal limits and planning for your true, variable capacity so you can sustainably manage life, work, and well-being.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Ongoing Struggle with Stigma—Listener Voicemail ([02:43])

• Voicemail from Tristan: She shares a frustrating experience at a pharmacy, where a pharmacist dismissed her need for ADHD meds with the statement, “Well, everyone has ADHD.”
• Host Response: Kristen is infuriated, highlighting the persistence of social stigma and the dismissiveness ADHDers often face.
  • Quote:

    “Are you enraged, listener, as I am?... This is so inappropriate. It’s actually extremely ignorant.”
    (Kristen, 04:33)

• Takeaway: Kristen encourages listeners to be prepared with "locked and loaded" responses for such ignorance:
  • Quote:

    “What an interesting thing to say. What do you mean by that?”
    (Kristen, 06:14)

  • She advocates for ADHDers to call out dismissive comments with curiosity, shifting the burden of explanation back onto the other party.

2. The Real Reasons Time Management Advice Fails ADHDers ([12:10])

• Traditional Advice: Systems, planners, and productivity hacks don’t address root issues.
• Deeper Issues: After coaching thousands, Kristen identifies two recurring barriers for ADHDers:
  • Emotional Regulation (discussed in prior episode)
  • Capacity: The main focus here.
• Central Insight: We all have real mental, emotional, and physical limits—but ADHDers tend to ignore or deny these, aspiring to operate at “robot level” all day, every day.
  • Quote:

    “We plan our lives like we should be operating as robots at full speed 24/7. And ADHD-er, we need to stop.”
    (Kristen, 15:30)

3. Understanding Capacity with Visual Props ([18:15] onward)

• Props Explanation: Kristen uses a clear jar filled with pasta to illustrate “maximum capacity”—what’s possible on a unicorn (best-case) day.
  • Problem: Many plan every day expecting unicorn-level productivity.
  • Effect: Any little disruption pushes us into overwhelm, shame, and feeling perpetually behind.
  • Quote:

    “The thing that’s… ‘wrong’ with us is that we’re trying to schedule at max capacity every day. And we need to stop.”
    (Kristen, 23:30)

The “Unicorn Day” Trap

• Unicorn Days: Rare, high-capacity days when everything aligns.
• Common Pitfall: Setting these as your standard rather than treating them as anomalies.
  • Quote:

    “A unicorn day… that is not every day. The problem is we look at those unicorn days and say, ‘That’s the standard. I should be able to get all of this done every time I show up to work.’ But no, that is not accurate.”
    (Kristen, 29:20)

4. Practical Illustration: Matching Priorities to Capacity ([33:00])

• Small Cup Analogy: Some days, your true capacity is much smaller than the big jar; trying to force the same work into a smaller vessel leads to spillover (burnout).
• Priority Identification: Ask yourself: On my lowest-capacity days, what’s truly essential?
  • Quote:

    “If you could just figure that out—what’s the bare minimum priority for those low-capacity days—it’s going to change everything.”
    (Kristen, 48:30)

Personal Example: Running a Business through Grief ([36:00])

• Kristen recounts a yearlong period of grief where she whittled her work down to two essentials: publishing a weekly podcast and serving her Focused clients.
• She let go of non-essential tasks, ignored societal “shoulds,” and prioritized only what kept her business moving.

5. The Role of Prioritization and Communication ([39:00])

• Practical Step: If you struggle to identify priorities, talk with your boss and learn precisely what’s non-negotiable.
  • Quote:

    “Everything can’t be important. And I need you to hear me say that… This big jar overflowing with pasta, this is how we schedule when we believe that everything is important.”
    (Kristen, 40:10)

6. Managing Variable Capacity & Avoiding Burnout ([41:00])

• Types of Capacity: Mental, emotional, physical.

• Be Proactive: Plan for your hardest days and build in “margin”—intentional downtime for rest, wall-staring, or emotional recovery.

  • Quote:

    “We need time to stare at the wall, and we haven’t built in time to stare at the wall… and now I’m behind…”
    (Kristen, 44:00)

• Hyper-scheduling leads to cycles of overwork and forced recovery (“crash and cancel everything”).

7. Listener Q&A: Hyperfocus & Saving Capacity ([41:13])

• Voicemail from Brittany: Why stop working when you’re “in the zone” if hyperfocus feels so productive?
  • Quote:

    “Does that work though? …I get a lot done when I’m doing that. So…what do I do? How do I keep it interesting and spicy the next day?”
    (Brittany, 41:20)

• Kristen’s Response:
  • Hyperfocus can feel great, but often leads to burnout and lack of productivity the next day—because you’ve “overdrafted” your mental energy.
  • Quote:

    “You worked beyond your capacity. You spent tomorrow’s energy already on today. You’ve borrowed tomorrow’s energy and you’ve spent it today.”
    (Kristen, 43:30)

  • The real solution is self-trust: believe in your ability to return to the task tomorrow, rather than operating out of scarcity and all-or-nothing “now or never” thinking.

8. Reflection Questions & Takeaways ([48:30])

Kristen ends with reflection questions for self-assessment:

• Do you expect yourself to run at max capacity every day? How is this working for you?
• Do you know your bare minimum, vital priority tasks for low-capacity days?

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Stigma:

  “We need to stop accepting this from people… Let’s all learn from this and have something locked and loaded ready.”
  (Kristen, 06:14)

• On Burnout:

  “The reason why a color-coded calendar doesn’t fix burnout and productivity hacks don’t work if you’re already running on empty.”
  (Kristen, 15:50)

• On Capacity:

  “Just because you have 24 hours in a day…we call those unicorn days, okay? The problem is we look at those unicorn days and say, ‘That’s the standard.’ But no, that is not accurate.”
  (Kristen, 29:20)

• On Priorities:

  “Everything can’t be important. And I need you to hear me say that.”
  (Kristen, 40:10)

Important Timestamps

• [02:43] — Tristan’s voicemail about stigma at the pharmacy
• [04:33] — Kristen’s response: rant and call to action for ADHDers
• [12:10] — Pivot to time management and the overlooked issue of capacity
• [18:15] — Introduction of props; the “capacity jar” analogy
• [29:20] — Explanation of “unicorn days” and setting real-life standards
• [36:00] — Kristen’s personal season of grief, lowering work to essentials
• [41:13] — Brittany’s voicemail: hyperfocus vs. saving energy
• [43:30] — "Spending tomorrow’s energy today"
• [48:30] — Reflection questions for listeners

Final Reflections

Kristen delivers a relatable, compassionate message to ADHD adults: Rather than shaming yourself for failing to keep up with an unrealistic schedule, learn to recognize and respect your true capacity. Cultivate self-compassion. Get clear on your true priorities, leave room for rest and randomness, and build a sustainable productivity model that honors your lived reality—not a mythical unicorn standard.

Resources Mentioned:

• Free time audit: ihaveadhd.com/time
• Book recommendation: Essentialism by Greg McKeown

Closing Note:
This episode encourages ADHDers to stop beating themselves up for not “doing it all,” and instead to get practical and kind by honoring the ebbs and flows of their personal capacity. Kristen’s props, analogies, rants, and listener Q&As create an episode filled with insight, empathy, and actionable wisdom for anyone struggling with time, energy, and self-acceptance.