I Have ADHD Podcast – Episode 334 Summary

Title: Feeling Stuck? Awkward Relationships? Listen to Kristen's Coaching in Action
Host: Kristen Carder
Date: September 16, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Kristen Carder offers a behind-the-scenes look at “FOCUSED” group coaching for adults with ADHD by sharing two live client coaching sessions. The show centers around two deeply relatable issues: feeling stuck in life (with “Bob,” who grapples with overwhelm, health, and self-prioritization) and navigating awkward or toxic workplace relationships (with “Heejung,” a teacher struggling to set boundaries at work). Kristen demonstrates supportive, practical coaching—validating client experiences, offering actionable strategies, and encouraging self-compassion.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Feeling Stuck and Overwhelmed – Bob’s Session

[04:24–35:44]

Bob’s Situation

• Longtime ADHD struggles, with anxiety and depression feeding each other (“I’m just in this vicious circle of the adhd, anxiety, depression, one feeds into the other and I, everything is just unbearable for me.” — Bob, [07:50])
• Overwhelmed by daily demands, struggles to prioritize himself, especially in the face of his daughter’s health challenges.
• Emotional fatigue: “If I would happen to fall into a coma for six months, I'd be okay with that right now, just because I need time for the voices and everything just to stop.” ([05:32])
• Experiences shame (family minimized ADHD, called it laziness).
• Difficulty accessing mental health support; struggles to find a good counselor, matches with an indifferent doctor.
• Takes medication inconsistently due to side effects; recently started Vyvanse and Prozac for depression.
• Has a strong support system in his wife, who “acts as the interpreter” for ADHD needs.

Kristen’s Coaching Approach

• Validation & Normalization: “You are so not alone in this. I think that you're putting language to so many of our ADHD experiences... it feels like too much.” ([10:15])
• Encouragement to Prioritize Self: Kristen urges Bob to focus on himself now that his daughter’s more independent: “Your work is letting her go and putting yourself first.” ([20:09])
• Recognizes difficulty due to family upbringing equating self-focus with selfishness: “It will probably feel super uncomfy because that’s like in the words of our parents’ generation—selfish... When in actuality, you deserve to focus on you and to figure out what’s going on for you.” ([21:28])
• Addresses age/inertia concerns: “It’s not too late for you. I’m gonna say it a couple times. It’s not too late for you. Mid 50s. Get out of here. You got so much more life to live. And what neuroscience tells us is that your brain is willing to change from the cradle to the grave.” ([24:20])
• Reframes “path of least resistance” as a legitimate way to participate in FOCUSED during times of overwhelm (e.g., attending live calls is enough).

Notable Quotes

• “Don’t use the resources here to hold them over your head and beat yourself up with... you’re not even allowed to do workbooks, Bob.” — Kristen [32:21]
• “It’s a lot easier for us ADHDers to hear like, ‘Hey, you messed up on this’... when somebody looks you in the face and is like, ‘You have so much potential’... I see a bright future for you. It’s coming. You’re on the right path. Keep going.” — Kristen [26:54]

Community Support Segment

• Kristen polls the group: almost no one actually completes workbooks; most succeed by engaging in other ways.
• “The path of least resistance is still a good path.” — Kristen [34:44]
• Bob’s daughter affirms: “I’m finally glad somebody’s telling him to take care of himself first.” ([35:01])

2. Workplace Relationships and Boundaries – Heejung’s Session

[35:50–64:33]

Heejung’s Situation

• Music teacher in Germany, passionate about work and choir-building.
• Faces resistance and invalidation from older colleagues:
  • Criticized for taking initiative (e.g., securing €3,000 in funding for choir retreat).
  • Colleagues downplay or compete with her efforts; engage in frequent, toxic complaining.
  • Experiences jealousy and undermining (colleagues take more credit/time after resisting planning).
• Struggles to balance being a “team player” with protecting her own energy.
• Notices tendency to avoid conflict, people-please, and self-sacrifice due to fear of being disliked.
• Emotional toll: sadness and loss as supportive colleagues leave or step back.

Kristen’s Coaching Approach

• Clarity Around Toxicity: Kristen validates Heejung’s read of the situation: “These are not collaborative relationships... That’s not healthy behavior.” ([44:29], [47:37])
• Differentiates what is the principal’s feedback (which matters) from toxic peers (irrelevant): "If you were doing something wrong, your principal would come to you and say, ‘Hey, Heejung, you overstepped.’"
• Healthy Boundaries: Uses a Venn diagram metaphor to clarify what is “hers,” what is “theirs,” and what truly overlaps.
  • Encourages focus on overlapping work and not sacrificing her well-being for others’ approval.
  • Teaches that attempts to people-please toxic co-workers are futile: "They're unhappy. They're always mad. They're just always annoyed. But they're not very nice." ([53:35])
• Self-Compassion for People-Pleasing: Suggests this impulse is a protective, learned response from childhood; encourages Heejung to override it with her “grown self.”
• Gives permission not to make small talk or seek approval from toxic peers.

Notable Quotes

• “We don’t let people who suck hold the standard for our success. We can stitch that on a pillow.” — Kristen [50:55]
• “All you gotta do is sacrifice yourself and your values and your sanity. That’s all you have to do in order to keep the peace, right?” — Kristen quoting a community member [61:06]
• “What's mine to manage, what's theirs to manage. Where do we overlap? And the overlap should be very few things…” — Kristen [63:41]

Actionable Strategies

• Sit with the Venn diagram to distinguish what’s hers to manage and what belongs to others.
• Practice slow, considered responses instead of automatic yeses.
• Seek therapy (Heejung is already trying to do so).
• Release the obligation for small talk or emotional caretaking of toxic colleagues.
• Recognize when the “inner child” is acting and consciously switch to the adult self.

Notable & Memorable Moments

• Bob’s Affirmation from His Daughter: She enters the room to support what Kristen is saying, providing a powerful emotional moment. ([35:01])
• Workbook Crowd-Sourcing: Half the community laughingly admits never completing a workbook (relieving perfectionism and shame for listeners) ([31:37])
• The “People Who Suck” Pillow Quote: Kristen’s frank, humorous metaphor for preserving self-worth ([50:55])
• Venn Diagram Exercise: Kristen’s use of a simple illustration to drive home boundaries ([51:44])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro & Episode Setup ([00:00–04:24])
• Bob’s Coaching Session ([04:24–35:44])
  • Bob’s story: [05:12–10:15]
  • Prioritizing self: [18:09–22:07]
  • “It’s not too late” / Aging & ADHD: [22:24–26:54]
  • Path of least resistance (live calls): [28:33–35:44]
• Heejung’s Coaching Session ([35:50–64:33])
  • Workplace context: [36:27–46:08]
  • Validating toxic relationships: [46:48–47:45]
  • Venn diagram boundary exercise: [51:44–55:47]
  • People-pleasing & inner child: [57:07–62:32]
  • Action steps and closing: [63:29–64:33]

Episode Tone & Style

Kristen maintains a warm, empathetic, and lively tone—balancing humor (“We can stitch that on a pillow!”), tangible coaching strategies, and deep emotional support. She normalizes participant struggles, uses self-disclosure to build trust, and invites laughter amid vulnerability. Authenticity, validation, and relatability are at the forefront.

Summary Takeaway

This “coaching in action” episode spotlights two universal ADHD issues—overwhelm and difficult relationships—demonstrating the relief, practical wisdom, and hope that ADHD-focused coaching can provide. Listeners are left with the message that it’s never too late for growth, that self-care is not selfish, and that the path of least resistance is sometimes the wisest. For both clients and listeners, the invitation is to let go of shame, focus on genuine supports, and draw clear boundaries against invalidating voices—whether internal or external.

“You have so much potential—not in a way that’s like, ‘don’t waste your potential,’ but, like, no, I see a bright future for you... It’s coming. You’re on the right path. Keep going.” — Kristen Carder [26:54]