Podcast Summary: "From 'Leaf in the Wind' to Coach: Sarah’s ADHD Glow-Up"

I Have ADHD Podcast, Episode 338
Host: Kristen Carder
Guest: Sarah Ashraf
Date: September 30, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, host Kristen Carder is joined by her long-time client and new ADHD coach Sarah Ashraf. The conversation follows Sarah’s journey from feeling passive and lost—“like a leaf in the wind”—to finding agency, self-trust, and purpose as a coach for people with ADHD. Together, they explore emotional regulation, the power of community, overcoming internalized narratives, and the nonlinear, often uncomfortable process of deep self-development for ADHDers.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing Sarah: Background and Connection

• Sarah’s Growth: Kristen describes Sarah as one of her “most treasured clients,” observing her transformation through the Focused program over nearly four years.
• Sarah’s Coaching Bio: Sarah now offers 1:1 coaching for ADHDers, focusing on goal-setting, follow-through, emotional regulation, body awareness, and values alignment.
• Personal Details: Sarah is a mom of two, lives with her husband, nephew, and German shepherd; she loves murder mysteries (favorite: Knives Out).

Notable Quote:

“You have had a whole evolution… you really are an example of what is possible for those of us with ADHD.”
— Kristen (03:18)

2. Community and Long-Term Support

• Why Stay in Focused? Sarah credits the supportive Slack community and coaching call archives for sustaining her, even when she isn’t actively coached.
• Early Signs of Coach Energy: Kristen recognized Sarah’s supportive and reflective communication in the community as a sign she would make a great coach.

3. ADHD Diagnosis Journey

• Initial Assessment: Sarah sought an autism evaluation due to workplace struggles, only to be diagnosed with ADHD at age 33-34. She initially didn’t take major action due to her life “being fine.”
• Pandemic Impact: The shift to remote work highlighted her ADHD challenges—procrastination, trouble with virtual meetings, lack of body doubling.
• Re-engagement: A blog led her to the I Have ADHD Podcast—she joined Focused almost instantly, then pursued formal diagnosis and, eventually, medication after her pregnancy.

Notable Quote:

“This lady gets it. Like, I don’t know, whatever she’s selling, I have to buy it.”
— Sarah (10:55)

4. Medication Experience

• Effects: Medication increases task initiation and focus but can inadvertently enable hyperfocus or focusing on nonessential tasks (“makes it easier to do the wrong things”).
• Self-Regulation Still Needed: Deciding how to direct focus remains a personal responsibility, not solved fully by medication.

5. From Passivity to Agency—The “Leaf in the Wind” Metaphor (13:16–15:52)

• Life on Autopilot: Despite external markers of success, Sarah felt passive, lacking an active role or personal vision—“just kind of fell into” life decisions, went along with others’ plans.
• Comparison with Peers: Observed colleagues being intentional about career steps while she simply accepted what was offered or suggested.

Notable Quote:

“I wasn’t taking an active role in my life… I wasn’t listening to my emotions.”
— Sarah (14:53)

6. Emotional Awareness and Buffering (17:28–31:09)

• Discovery of Buffering: Through Focused, Sarah learned “buffering” is anything done to avoid uncomfortable emotions—scrolling, procrastinating, over-exercising.
• Micro vs. Macro Buffering: Small-scale avoidances (phone, chores) and big ones (chronic busyness, over-committing) both serve to avoid emotional discomfort.
• Surfing Emotions: Practicing awareness of physical sensations associated with emotions, allowing feelings to surface rather than avoiding them, changed Sarah’s approach.
• From Numbness to Control: Naming and allowing emotions granted her more control and clarity to make proactive choices.

Notable Quote:

“I think our subconscious is always trying to protect us from feeling those bad feelings in our body. So, like, building up that awareness of, oh, I’m scrolling again…there’s something going on here.”
— Sarah (25:03)

• Advice for Listeners: When noticing avoidance behaviors, pause, breathe, and remind yourself you’re physically safe—sensations pass quickly if acknowledged.

7. Building Agency, Self-Trust, and Redefining Safety (33:32–41:35)

• Pivoting Careers with Intention: Sarah left a 20-year software engineering career for coaching—a step unthinkable before. She credits learning to trust herself and challenge money/safety narratives.
• Realizing Internal vs. External Safety: Her “magic” safety number was $8 million, yet recognized true security is internal.
• Incremental Progress: Rather than demanding an exact long-term plan, Sarah now focuses on “the next thing that makes sense,” staying flexible but intentional.

Notable Quotes:

“There’s no amount of money that actually…makes me feel safe. I make myself feel safe.”
— Sarah (35:58)

“Just making one decision at a time…trusting myself that no matter what happens, we’re going to be okay.”
— Sarah (40:27)

8. Using Coaching Tools Against Oneself (44:44–49:00)

• Toxic Productivity Trap: Sarah used self-coaching techniques to tolerate unfulfilling situations (e.g., “surfing” emotions to stay in jobs misaligned with her values), ignoring signs to make real changes.
• Distinguishing Healthy Processing from Avoidance: Not all discomfort should be “surfed”; sometimes uncomfortable feelings signal the need for external change.

Notable Quote:

“I was surfing to allow myself to tolerate an environment where maybe I wasn’t meant to be.”
— Kristen (47:20)

9. Transformation: Internal & External Changes

• Outward vs. Inward Shifts: Externally, Sarah’s life appears similar, but she feels far more agency and self-authorship, especially in career and daily choices.
• Better Relationship with Self: Less negative self-talk, greater calm and self-kindness, and the ability to notice, name, and process her experiences.

Notable Quotes:

“It’s so funny because I think from the outside it doesn’t look that different…But I feel more in control and like I can…choose what I want to do.”
— Sarah (52:06)

“Sometimes I feel like, oh, I should be feeling more self doubt. I should be scared to do this, but I’m not. And I’m like, oh, it’s because my inner critic’s gone.”
— Sarah (57:05)

10. Advice to Listeners: Embracing Discomfort and Growth (58:39–1:00:03)

• Do the Work: Growth is possible—but requires consistent effort, willingness to confront discomfort, and engagement with supportive tools and communities.
• Emotions are Safe: Emotions are only sensations—feeling them won’t harm you. Building this tolerance is fundamental.
• Support is Key: Focused program and 1:1 coaching are both avenues for support, particularly for those intimidated by group settings.

Notable Quote:

“It’s a lot of hard work… you have to engage with it and be willing to feel uncomfortable—a lot.”
— Sarah (58:39)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Diagnosis:
  • Kristen: “That’s so insightful.” (09:45)
• On Agency:
  • Kristen: “We have this narrative that everything’s on fire… but also it can present as just passivity and inability to really think clearly and have a map for the future.” (15:52)
• On Emotions:
  • Kristen: “The buffering is actually what keeps the emotion stuck.” (30:35)
• On Career Change:
  • Sarah: “It’s very scary to step out of [tech]… but I realized there’s no amount of money that actually… makes me feel safe.” (34:47–35:58)
• On Coaching Tools:
  • Kristen: “I’ve done this with myself in relationships… I’ll just process this emotion and not take any of the healthy steps.” (47:31)
• On Progress:
  • Sarah: “Sometimes it takes four years to do something, and then sometimes it takes two weeks.” (55:27)

Timestamps of Major Segments

• [03:02] – Sarah’s background and introduction
• [08:27] – Sarah’s ADHD diagnosis journey
• [11:50] – Experience with ADHD medication
• [13:16] – Feeling like a “leaf in the wind”
• [17:28] – Learning about and unlearning buffering
• [24:04] – Discovering emotional surfing and awareness practices
• [33:32] – Transitioning careers, safety, and self-trust
• [44:44] – Using coaching tools to tolerate discomfort vs. using them for growth
• [51:54] – Differences since starting self-development and coaching
• [58:39] – Final advice and takeaways

Where to Find Sarah

• Website: unblockedandaligned.com
• Twitch: unblockedandaligned (hosting body doubling/co-working sessions Tuesdays & Wednesdays)
• Socials: TikTok and Instagram—@unblockedandaligned (claims reserved; content forthcoming)

Final Thoughts

Sarah’s story sheds light on the subtle forms of ADHD struggle that can be masked by external stability. Her evolution—from passivity to agency, from avoidance to awareness, from tech employee to ADHD coach—demonstrates the potential for internal transformation irrespective of outward circumstances. For listeners feeling “stuck,” Sarah’s practical, vulnerable sharing provides both hope and a realistic invitation: engage deeply, weather discomfort, and trust that agency grows one clear step at a time.

For those seeking coaching (especially one-on-one): Sarah welcomes you to reach out, with information linked in the episode's show notes.