Episode Overview

Title: 339 BITESIZE | Struggling with Parenting Regrets? Here's How to Make it Right
Host: Kristen Carder
Podcast: I Have ADHD Podcast
Date: October 2, 2025

In this bite-sized episode, Kristen Carder offers insight and encouragement for ADHD parents grappling with the regret and guilt that can come with parenting mistakes. Drawing from her personal experiences and essential principles of repair in parent-child relationships, Kristen reassures listeners that it’s never too late to make amends, and provides a clear, practical roadmap for genuine apology and reconnection.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Parenting with ADHD: The Reality of Messing Up

• Kristen describes a typical, rushed morning getting her oldest out the door for school, emphasizing the everyday challenges ADHD parents face in meeting their children's needs while managing their own symptoms.
  • "I'm the parent. I'm allowed to say this is the rule, you're going to school, but I'm also going to support you. I'm also not going to abandon you and make you do it on your own." (00:48)

The Five Rs of Parenting

• Relationships, Reflection, Regulation, Rules, and Repair are highlighted as Kristen’s guiding principles, with “Repair” getting special focus.

The Critical Importance of Repair

• Repair is presented as an essential, learnable, and ongoing parenting skill—especially for those who grew up without models of apology and accountability.
  • "I've been spending the last five years repairing, repair, repair, repair. And it is never too late to repair. Even if your kids are grown and flown, you can still learn the skill of repair and potentially build a stronger connection with your adult children because of your willingness to repair." (01:44)
• Many listeners may be the first in their families to try apologizing and taking responsibility for parenting mistakes.

Grief and Regret: Essential, Not Avoidable

• Kristen argues that the inability or unwillingness to feel grief and regret leads people to ignore or justify mistakes.
  • "When people are not willing to feel grief about their own mistakes... they brush off mistakes, they justify their actions, they ignore. They sweep things under the rug." (02:40)
• She reframes grief as a vital part of parenting growth, not something to avoid.

Messing Up is Inevitable—Especially with ADHD

• Acknowledges the reality of ADHD: impulsivity, impatience, distraction, and forgetfulness inevitably lead to parenting missteps.
  • "Being a human with ADHD means we mess up, like, a lot. We blurt things out, we snap when we're overstimulated. We forget what we promise to our kids. We get distracted when our kids want attention. And then we feel that guilt. It can feel so crushing." (03:23)

Moving Past Crushing Guilt

• Kristen urges listeners not to be weighed down by endless guilt:
  • "I don't want you carrying endless guilt. I don't want you to do it. It doesn't help you. It doesn't help your kids. Okay? What helps is learning to apologize well." (04:17)

How to Apologize and Repair

Kristen offers a step-by-step process for effective apologies:

1. Acknowledge and Name the Mistake
   • "Hey, I yelled at you when I got frustrated. That wasn't okay." (04:25)
2. Take Responsibility Without Excuses
   • "This was my mistake. It wasn't yours. This is not your fault." (04:47)
3. Empathize with Your Child
   • "Hey, when I yelled at you, did that feel scary?... I can imagine that was frustrating, or I can imagine that was unfair. Do you want to tell me how that felt?" (05:12)
4. Express Genuine Remorse
   • "I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for how I handled that. It was not okay." (05:21)
5. Make Amends and Plan for Next Time
   • "Here's my plan to do it differently. Next time, I'm going to work on taking a deep breath before I react." (05:44)
   • Emphasizes being willing to apologize as many times as needed.
   • "I've said to my kids, and I say it all the time, I will apologize as many times as it takes. I've made some big mistakes in my parenting journey, and I never get sick of apologizing for them." (06:26)

Children’s Pain Is a Bid for Connection

• When children mention past hurts—even years later—they’re seeking connection, not just rehashing old wounds.
  • "If you can see that as a bid for connection, you are going to be like such a badass parent." (08:01)
• The real opportunity is strengthening bonds, not defending your actions.

The Value of Messy, Accountable Parenting

• Kids don’t need perfect parents—they need to see real humans who can admit mistakes and model growth and repair.
  • "Because your kids don't need you to be perfect. They actually need to see what it looks like to be human, messy and accountable, and always willing to apologize, repair, and try again." (09:00)

The Lasting Impression: Connection Over Perfection

• Parents teach a crucial life lesson: relationships are built on connection and repair, not on being flawless.
  • "You're already a good enough parent as you are, not because you've never made mistakes, but because you care enough to repair mistakes." (09:18)
  • Shares a touching anecdote from her son showing kids notice positive change:
    "My middle son has said to me so many times, 'Mom, I'm so glad that you started going to therapy because you're a different person... Like, he recognizes the evolvement in me. That doesn't mean there wasn't negative impact to him prior to that. But it does mean that what he's observed in me shows him that people can change." (09:57)

Memorable Quotes & Highlights

• "It is never too late to repair." (01:53)
• "This is just like another sales pitch for feeling grief." (02:57)
• "Learning to apologize well... isn't about shame. It isn't about blame. It's about connection and repair." (04:20)
• "Your 5 year old doesn't need an emotional monologue." (04:43)
• "I will apologize as many times as it takes." (06:26)
• "If you can see that as a bid for connection, you are going to be like such a badass parent. Truly." (08:01)
• "You're already a good enough parent as you are, not because you've never made mistakes, but because you care enough to repair mistakes." (09:18)
• "Relationships are built on connection, not perfection." (10:26)

Notable Timestamps

• 00:48 — Kristen describes parenting an ADHD morning rush and introduces the core principles, zeroing in on "repair"
• 01:44 — Why repair matters and how it’s never too late to start
• 02:40 — The generational legacy of avoiding grief and apologies
• 03:23 — Unique challenges of parenting with ADHD
• 04:17 — The case against endless guilt; importance of sincere repair
• 04:25-05:44 — The step-by-step model for apology and relationship repair
• 06:26 — Kristen’s ongoing willingness to apologize to her kids
• 08:01 — Seeing children’s complaints as bids for connection, not attacks
• 09:00 — The real lesson for kids: seeing a parent be “messy and accountable”
• 09:57 — Personal story: how her son recognizes and appreciates her growth

Conclusion: Kristen's Take Home Message

Kristen Carder normalizes the emotional struggle of parenting with ADHD, providing both comfort and actionable steps for those facing regret. Through honest self-reflection and practical tools for repair, she offers listeners a way to move forward—emphasizing that connection, accountability, and willingness to change are what matter most to kids, not perfection.

For more, check out the full episode linked in the show notes.