B (3:12)

That's so good.

C (3:13)

Yeah. Or you hope you get arrested so you can go somewhere.

B (3:16)

Either.

C (3:16)

Right. Either one is a much better alternative. But you know, the problem is in March you're like, doesn't feel urgent. Right.

B (3:25)

Doesn't feel necessary. There's so many things that I feel like the pressure to get done today for tomorrow.

C (3:33)

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And that, that is part of the challenge of productivity.

B (3:39)

Yeah.

C (3:40)

And it's especially the challenge with adhd. Right. Is that you don't feel the future as strongly. Right. So it's sort of like that's somebody else's problem, but that somebody else is me in the future. Right. It's not someone, it's not your neighbor's problem. Right. It's. It's going to be your problem. But you know, it's sort of this thing that like any all people, we don't connect as much to our future self. Which is why, let's say people suck at saving for retirement.

B (4:07)

Sure.

C (4:07)

You know, but especially with adhd, you don't feel that future version of yourself as much. So when you're sitting there on a dreary March day and you're like, summer camp, the thing to do is to imagine yourself in that moment. Here I am, last day of school. How am I feeling about it? If I know I got the kids set up with some good camps. They're going to have a good summer. I'm going to have a good summer. How is, how does that moment feel versus how do I feel if I, you know, third week of July, I still don't know what they're doing. I found them some camps, but they're going to kind of complain. Also, by the way, they're only half day camps. Also, by the way, they're like 45 minutes away. So I think I've got 20 minutes. If I were to drive home and drive back, I'll have 20 minutes at home. So, like, how many targets can I find? You know, like how much dish detergent do we need right. Like imagining that moment and kind of compare and contrast. How do those two future me's feel? And like, that's going to be the motivation. And again, calling back to where we started. It shouldn't only be I want to avoid the terrible outcome. That is not a good motivator. Rather, I want the good outcome. I want a good summer. I want my kids to have a good summer. I want to feel effective in my life. I want, when I'm talking to my friends about like, hey, what are you guys doing? I want to feel proud of like, yes. Yeah. Hey, we got a good summer. Right. As opposed to like worst parent ever yet again failed my children. I hope my friends don't ask too many detailed questions about this camp I found for my kids. Right. So, like, you know, totally. It's the good stuff again. It is the good stuff. That is what will motivate you more than just constantly kind of pulling your chestnuts out of the fire.

B (6:13)

It will motivate us if we believe that we deserve the good.

C (6:18)

Yeah.

B (6:18)

And I think that that can often be this like deeper underlying self sabotage. Y thing that comes up is like, I don't actually believe that I deserve to have peace. I don't actually believe that I deserve to, you know, accomplish things step by step and then not have anything to worry about.

C (6:41)

Yeah.

B (6:42)

And I think that's probably the deeper work that you do with your clients. And like if listener you are resonating with that, that's a great place to start. In therapy is like, I'm realizing that I self sabotage because maybe I don't. When I envision future me, I don't believe that he or she deserves like good things.

C (7:03)

Yeah. Or even if somehow as a human in the world I deserve it. I don't think I can pull it off. So like, yeah, I'm not even going to bother for other people. Yeah. Like, why bother? It's not going to happen anyway. You know how it always falls apart in three days.

B (7:16)

Yeah.

C (7:17)

So why get my hopes up only to be disappointed again? You know, that sort of acceptance of chaos, kind of, you know, acceptance of the status quo.

B (7:26)

Yeah.

C (7:28)

You know, that does keep people stuck in these kind of situations. I like, it doesn't have to be like this.

B (7:34)

I really love the concept of like your future self. I think that is a really, really helpful concept. And one of the things that I did a couple years ago when I was really working on my time management was in my alarms set the reminder as like how I would want to Feel how I would feel after. So it's kind of like in the Alarm. The Alarm title is like, get this done. Get it done now. Don't put it off. You're gonna feel so much better. Like a very direct. Which, you know, it takes some executive function to, like, set that up. But there are things, and even now, there's, like, silly things that I avoid because I just hate it. I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. But it's connected to the business moving forward or the podcast, whatever. And it's just like, just do it. And in my Alarm, it's like, just, could you please get it done so we don't have to do it next week?

C (8:31)

Yeah.

B (8:31)

You know, like that plea from self to self, please just get it done. And I think that works. It reminds me, like, oh, yeah, I really don't want to have to do this later. You know, I'll just do it. Fine, I'll just do it now.

C (8:44)

There is something to that of not just the sort of tangible benefit of, I did this thing and now this thing happens, but I think there's also something for the sort of intangible of, like, I just did this thing and maybe the benefit hasn't even occurred yet, but, like, I feel good about the fact that I did it. I'm going to give myself a bit of credit. I'm going to acknowledge the fact that it was hard and I'm going to feel good that, like, this is the little stuff that big things are built from in that it, you know, it's easy. It's easy to miss the things you do well. Right. We're all programmed to notice the negatives of, like, well, screwed that up. Right. So you gotta counterbalance by intentionally noticing some of the positives, not in this, like, you know, sort of overly sappy kind, but, like, in a legit kind of a way. And did not discount it as, like, oh, well, everyone else just does it without thinking, why am I throwing myself a parade? Right. So, like, not that either, but just like, yeah, that was a good thing. Like, there it is. That's me doing a better job on this kind of stuff, you know, so to really sort of be intentional about not just the doing, but the noticing and the appreciating. A little bit of a pat on the back.

B (10:06)

I mean, do you feel like that's easy for people with adhd? Because I can hear all of them screaming right now. They're all like, what are you talking about? Yeah, I'm not Gonna let myself feel accomplished for something that is so easy for someone else.

C (10:25)

Yeah.

B (10:25)

Do you know, like, how do we. How do we, like, give permission for people to feel good? I just, I feel like that is such a big part of working of what's working against someone with ADHD being productive. Is this like, exactly what you're saying? Like, hey, you should feel actually accomplished about getting the thing done.

C (10:47)

Yeah.

B (10:47)

And an ADHDER is like, no, right. I'm not gonna. What are you talking about?

C (10:51)

I think some of it is. It's just that thing of like, especially if you're scrambling, right? If you're rushing ahead to the next thing, you don't even pause long enough to consider it. So some of it's just like, it's just gone. So I think a piece of it is that I think. But there is that other thing of exactly like you said, because for other people, it's easy. Therefore I can't give myself credit for doing it. But the thing of it is, we all have things that are easy, right? So it doesn't feel like a big deal to have done it, but. And then when someone else is like, oh my God, I can't believe it. You're like, whatever.

B (11:27)

That's true.

C (11:28)

Right. So we automatically kind of dismiss the things that are easy for us. But. But to recognize that not everything is easy or hard for every. It's not universal. Right. Like, some things are very easy and some things are much harder. So it doesn't matter if it's easy to someone else. It only matters if it's easy or hard to you.

B (11:50)

Can you say that again?

C (11:51)

It doesn't matter if it's easy or hard for other people. They're not the one who did it. You're the one who did it. If it was hard, if it took intentional effort, if it took kind of goodwill to do it, and good intentions and, you know, some good effort, note it. Right? Give yourself a little bit of credit for it.

A (12:19)

Thanks for listening to this bite sized episode of the I have ADHD podcast. If you enjoyed this clip, you'll find a link to the full, full episode in the show notes. And don't forget to Visit I have ADHD.com for tons of adult ADHD support. All right, my friends, I had a great time with you today and I cannot wait to talk to you again next week. Bye bye.