341 BITESIZE | Unlocking Motivation: The ADHD Perspective

Summary

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I Have ADHD Podcast – Episode 341 BITESIZE | Unlocking Motivation: The ADHD Perspective

Host: Kristen Carder
Date: October 9, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this bite-sized episode of the “I Have ADHD Podcast,” host Kristen Carder dives deep into how adults with ADHD can unlock and understand motivation in their daily lives. Through candid discussion with a guest (Speaker C), Kristen dissects common struggles, such as why alarms and reminders often fail to mobilize action, how our brains struggle to connect present actions with future rewards, and the importance of celebrating even small wins. The episode is practical, validating, and rooted in the real-life experience of ADHDers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Tools Like Alarms Aren’t Enough

• Alarms create awareness, not motivation:
  • “The alarm makes you aware, right? Increases awareness. It doesn't increase motivation… All it is meant to do is to generate awareness. The generating motivation, that's still on you in that moment, right, love?” (C, 01:24)
• Support systems help but are not the whole answer:
  • Medication, adequate rest, and stress management are foundational but don’t guarantee motivation to act on reminders.

2. Connecting with the Future Self

• ADHD brains don’t “feel” the future as vividly:
  • “You don't feel the future as strongly, right. So it's sort of like that's somebody else's problem, but that somebody else is me in the future.” (C, 03:48)
• Motivation is about future benefits:
  • Replace “Do I want to do this?” (answer always no) with “How will I feel about this later?” (C, 02:32)
• Practical example:
  • The challenge of booking summer camp in March: “If you wait till summer, you better hope your kids get arrested because the only place with openings is juvie. Right. Like that. That's the ADHD tax of summer camp, right?” (C, 02:55)
• Visualizing outcomes:
  • Encourage picturing the pleasure and peace of a well-planned summer vs. the chaos of last-minute actions.

3. Deserving Good Outcomes & Internal Sabotage

• Underlying self-worth issues:
  • “It will motivate us if we believe that we deserve the good.” (B, 06:13)
• Self-sabotage and productivity:
  • “I don't actually believe that I deserve to have peace…I self sabotage because maybe when I envision future me, I don't believe that he or she deserves like good things.” (B, 06:18)
• Therapy and self-compassion:
  • Deep work on self-belief is crucial for overcoming motivational blocks.

4. Strategies for Motivation

• Rewriting reminders:
  • Kristen shares, “In my Alarms, the Alarm title is like, get this done. Get it done now. Don't put it off. You're gonna feel so much better…that plea from self to self, please just get it done.” (B, 07:34 & 08:31)
• Emphasis on emotional language in reminders:
  • Direct, emotionally charged self-talk in reminders can reinforce the future benefit and help bridge the gap.

5. Celebrating Small Wins & Giving Credit

• Give yourself credit—no comparison:
  • “It's easy to miss the things you do well. Right. We're all programmed to notice the negatives of, like, well, screwed that up. Right. So you gotta counterbalance by intentionally noticing some of the positives…” (C, 08:44)
• ADHD self-dismissal:
  • Many resist feeling accomplished for tasks that seem “easy” for others: “I'm not gonna let myself feel accomplished for something that is so easy for someone else.” (B, 10:06)
• It only matters if it’s hard for you:
  • “It doesn't matter if it's easy or hard for other people… If it was hard, if it took intentional effort, if it took goodwill to do it...note it. Give yourself a little bit of credit for it.” (C, 11:51)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On alarms and motivation:
  • “The alarm doesn't…pull out a gun and it doesn't give you a cookie..." (C, 01:14)
• On future self:
  • “That's somebody else's problem, but that somebody else is me in the future.” (C, 03:48)
• On the ADHD tax:
  • “If you wait till summer, you better hope your kids get arrested because the only place with openings is juvie.” (C, 02:55)
• On self-celebration:
  • “It's easy to miss the things you do well. Right. We're all programmed to notice the negatives...” (C, 08:44)
  • “It doesn't matter if it's easy or hard for other people. They're not the one who did it. You're the one who did it.” (C, 11:51)

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Key Timestamps

• 00:47 – Discussion begins on alarms, motivation, and the real job of reminder systems
• 02:32 – Why “do I want to do this?” is the wrong question for ADHDers
• 03:48 – “Future self” disconnect and how to visualize motivation
• 06:13 – Linking self-worth and the belief in deserving good outcomes
• 07:34 – Kristen’s alarm hack: programming self-compassion and direct motivation
• 08:44 – The necessity of recognizing and celebrating small achievements
• 11:51 – The importance of self-credit: “It doesn't matter if it's easy or hard for other people…”

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Tone & Style

Kristen and her guest blend humor, real talk, and genuine empathy. The conversation normalizes ADHD struggles with motivation while providing actionable mindset shifts and practical tips. Listeners are encouraged to challenge internalized shame and to take authentic pride in their progress—no matter how small.

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This episode is a supportive, insight-packed listen for anyone seeking to demystify motivation through the lens of ADHD.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, what's up? This is Kristen Carter and you are listening to a bite sized episode of the I have ADHD podcast. I am medicated, caffeinated, regulated and ready to roll. This little episode is one of my favorite clips from the podcast. It's perfect if you're not in the mood for a full hour long listen because let's be real, some of us ADHDers just don't have the patience for all of that. But if you are a die hard listener, think of this as your midweek pick me up.

[B]

It's Thursday, y'.

[A]

All. Friday is right around the corner. If you love this clip, check out the show notes for a link to the full episode. And remember my friend, drink your water, take your meds, grab a snack, now let's get rolling.

[C]

And that part of it is then you need to kind of generate the motivation to do it, right? Which kind of brings me to this idea, which is I've had plenty of clients give me some version of yeah, alarms don't really work for me. You know, like I set the alarm but then I just turn it off and I don't do the thing. And it took me a while to catch on to this, but it then I sort of realized I'm like, you know what, Actually the alarm worked perfectly. The job of the alarm is to tell you, hey, it's that time. That's it. The alarm makes you aware, right? Increases awareness. It doesn't increase motivation, right? The alarm doesn't sort of, I don't know, it doesn't pull out a gun and it doesn't give you a cookie, right? It's not about now that the alarm went off. Boy, am I psyched to look up summer camps, right? All it is meant to do is to generate awareness, the generating motivation that's still on you in that moment, right, love? So again, medication's helpful. Not being exhausted is helpful. Not being completely overwhelmed by every single thing in your life is helpful. But you know, so that kind of again sets the foundation. But then in that moment, being able somehow to connect to the future benefit of it, you know, like right now I don't feel like doing this, but also I'm never going to feel like doing this. So let's be honest there. So if the question is, do I want to do this? The answer is always no. Wrong question, right? The better question is how will I feel about this later? Like after I have done this, how will I feel about it? Right? And you know, if it's March, let's say when you're looking this up. Right. It's really not until June that this is an issue, but come June, how am I going to feel about it? Do I want to have a really good summer? Do I want to be miserable with the kids making me crazy all summer? Right. Because of course the problem with summer camp is if you wait till summer, there's no camps available. Right. So if you wait till summer, you better hope your kids get arrested because the only place with openings is juvie. Right. Like that. That's the ADHD tax of summer camp, right? Yes.

[B]

That's so good.

[C]

Yeah. Or you hope you get arrested so you can go somewhere.

[B]

Either.

[C]

Right. Either one is a much better alternative. But you know, the problem is in March you're like, doesn't feel urgent. Right.

[B]

Doesn't feel necessary. There's so many things that I feel like the pressure to get done today for tomorrow.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And that, that is part of the challenge of productivity.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it's especially the challenge with adhd. Right. Is that you don't feel the future as strongly. Right. So it's sort of like that's somebody else's problem, but that somebody else is me in the future. Right. It's not someone, it's not your neighbor's problem. Right. It's. It's going to be your problem. But you know, it's sort of this thing that like any all people, we don't connect as much to our future self. Which is why, let's say people suck at saving for retirement.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

You know, but especially with adhd, you don't feel that future version of yourself as much. So when you're sitting there on a dreary March day and you're like, summer camp, the thing to do is to imagine yourself in that moment. Here I am, last day of school. How am I feeling about it? If I know I got the kids set up with some good camps. They're going to have a good summer. I'm going to have a good summer. How is, how does that moment feel versus how do I feel if I, you know, third week of July, I still don't know what they're doing. I found them some camps, but they're going to kind of complain. Also, by the way, they're only half day camps. Also, by the way, they're like 45 minutes away. So I think I've got 20 minutes. If I were to drive home and drive back, I'll have 20 minutes at home. So, like, how many targets can I find? You know, like how much dish detergent do we need right. Like imagining that moment and kind of compare and contrast. How do those two future me's feel? And like, that's going to be the motivation. And again, calling back to where we started. It shouldn't only be I want to avoid the terrible outcome. That is not a good motivator. Rather, I want the good outcome. I want a good summer. I want my kids to have a good summer. I want to feel effective in my life. I want, when I'm talking to my friends about like, hey, what are you guys doing? I want to feel proud of like, yes. Yeah. Hey, we got a good summer. Right. As opposed to like worst parent ever yet again failed my children. I hope my friends don't ask too many detailed questions about this camp I found for my kids. Right. So, like, you know, totally. It's the good stuff again. It is the good stuff. That is what will motivate you more than just constantly kind of pulling your chestnuts out of the fire.

[B]

It will motivate us if we believe that we deserve the good.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think that that can often be this like deeper underlying self sabotage. Y thing that comes up is like, I don't actually believe that I deserve to have peace. I don't actually believe that I deserve to, you know, accomplish things step by step and then not have anything to worry about.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think that's probably the deeper work that you do with your clients. And like if listener you are resonating with that, that's a great place to start. In therapy is like, I'm realizing that I self sabotage because maybe I don't. When I envision future me, I don't believe that he or she deserves like good things.

[C]

Yeah. Or even if somehow as a human in the world I deserve it. I don't think I can pull it off. So like, yeah, I'm not even going to bother for other people. Yeah. Like, why bother? It's not going to happen anyway. You know how it always falls apart in three days.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So why get my hopes up only to be disappointed again? You know, that sort of acceptance of chaos, kind of, you know, acceptance of the status quo.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, that does keep people stuck in these kind of situations. I like, it doesn't have to be like this.

[B]

I really love the concept of like your future self. I think that is a really, really helpful concept. And one of the things that I did a couple years ago when I was really working on my time management was in my alarms set the reminder as like how I would want to Feel how I would feel after. So it's kind of like in the Alarm. The Alarm title is like, get this done. Get it done now. Don't put it off. You're gonna feel so much better. Like a very direct. Which, you know, it takes some executive function to, like, set that up. But there are things, and even now, there's, like, silly things that I avoid because I just hate it. I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. But it's connected to the business moving forward or the podcast, whatever. And it's just like, just do it. And in my Alarm, it's like, just, could you please get it done so we don't have to do it next week?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like that plea from self to self, please just get it done. And I think that works. It reminds me, like, oh, yeah, I really don't want to have to do this later. You know, I'll just do it. Fine, I'll just do it now.

[C]

There is something to that of not just the sort of tangible benefit of, I did this thing and now this thing happens, but I think there's also something for the sort of intangible of, like, I just did this thing and maybe the benefit hasn't even occurred yet, but, like, I feel good about the fact that I did it. I'm going to give myself a bit of credit. I'm going to acknowledge the fact that it was hard and I'm going to feel good that, like, this is the little stuff that big things are built from in that it, you know, it's easy. It's easy to miss the things you do well. Right. We're all programmed to notice the negatives of, like, well, screwed that up. Right. So you gotta counterbalance by intentionally noticing some of the positives, not in this, like, you know, sort of overly sappy kind, but, like, in a legit kind of a way. And did not discount it as, like, oh, well, everyone else just does it without thinking, why am I throwing myself a parade? Right. So, like, not that either, but just like, yeah, that was a good thing. Like, there it is. That's me doing a better job on this kind of stuff, you know, so to really sort of be intentional about not just the doing, but the noticing and the appreciating. A little bit of a pat on the back.

[B]

I mean, do you feel like that's easy for people with adhd? Because I can hear all of them screaming right now. They're all like, what are you talking about? Yeah, I'm not Gonna let myself feel accomplished for something that is so easy for someone else.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you know, like, how do we. How do we, like, give permission for people to feel good? I just, I feel like that is such a big part of working of what's working against someone with ADHD being productive. Is this like, exactly what you're saying? Like, hey, you should feel actually accomplished about getting the thing done.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And an ADHDER is like, no, right. I'm not gonna. What are you talking about?

[C]

I think some of it is. It's just that thing of like, especially if you're scrambling, right? If you're rushing ahead to the next thing, you don't even pause long enough to consider it. So some of it's just like, it's just gone. So I think a piece of it is that I think. But there is that other thing of exactly like you said, because for other people, it's easy. Therefore I can't give myself credit for doing it. But the thing of it is, we all have things that are easy, right? So it doesn't feel like a big deal to have done it, but. And then when someone else is like, oh my God, I can't believe it. You're like, whatever.

[B]

That's true.

[C]

Right. So we automatically kind of dismiss the things that are easy for us. But. But to recognize that not everything is easy or hard for every. It's not universal. Right. Like, some things are very easy and some things are much harder. So it doesn't matter if it's easy to someone else. It only matters if it's easy or hard to you.

[B]

Can you say that again?

[C]

It doesn't matter if it's easy or hard for other people. They're not the one who did it. You're the one who did it. If it was hard, if it took intentional effort, if it took kind of goodwill to do it, and good intentions and, you know, some good effort, note it. Right? Give yourself a little bit of credit for it.

[A]

Thanks for listening to this bite sized episode of the I have ADHD podcast. If you enjoyed this clip, you'll find a link to the full, full episode in the show notes. And don't forget to Visit I have ADHD.com for tons of adult ADHD support. All right, my friends, I had a great time with you today and I cannot wait to talk to you again next week. Bye bye.