Podcast Summary:

I Have ADHD Podcast
Host: Kristen Carder
Episode 342: Love on the Spectrum’s Kaelynn Partlow on Autism, ADHD, and Why She Refuses to Use the Term “AuDHD”
Date: October 14, 2025

Episode Overview

In this insightful and candid episode, Kristen Carder welcomes Kaelynn Partlow—autism advocate, therapist, author, and “Love on the Spectrum” alum—to delve into the real-life complexities of being both autistic and ADHD. Together, they explore the nuances of these diagnoses, the problems with labels like “AuDHD,” social misconceptions, the reality behind calling neurodivergence a "superpower," accommodations, and meaningful ways to foster authentic acceptance. The conversation is laced with humor, honesty, and actionable insights for ADHDers, autistics, and allies alike.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Kaelynn’s Background & Journey (02:19–04:05)

• Kaelynn introduces herself as a social media educator, autism advocate, content creator, therapist, and public speaker.
• She shares her deep-rooted connection with Project Hope Foundation, first attending as a student and later returning as a therapist.
  • “I've been with Project HOPE since I was 13 years old, and there's not been a break in that.” (02:58, Kaelynn)

The “AuDHD” Label & Why Kaelynn Rejects It (04:05–05:38)

• Kaelynn is adamant about not self-identifying as “AuDHD,” finding it impractical in most real-life contexts.
  • “The purpose of an abbreviation is to be understood very quickly... And in the circles that I'm in... people would say, ‘you're what? That means what?’... So, why would I say that? That's just silly.” (04:43, Kaelynn)
• Prefers direct communication: “If I have something to say, I’ll say it with enough specificity that everyone can understand.”

Disentangling ADHD and Autism (06:11–11:46)

• Kaelynn finds it challenging to distinguish which of her traits stem from autism versus ADHD, especially around executive functioning.
  • “There could be components... affecting my behavior and outlook connected to autism—not just ADHD. So it's hard to separate which one goes where.” (06:11, Kaelynn)
• She treats her ADHD with Vyvanse and Adderall, which significantly improved her impulse control at work, though not without pesky side effects (headaches, appetite changes).
  • “As soon as I started taking it, I definitely stopped getting in trouble.” (08:29, Kaelynn)
• Conversation highlights the difficulty of parsing overlapping symptoms, particularly executive dysfunction—a critical topic for listeners with both diagnoses.

Unique Experiences: Autism, ADHD, and Social Dynamics (11:46–13:41)

• Kaelynn compares her experience to others:
  • Autistic folks may be content with routine, but her ADHD brings a strong need for novelty.
  • “I’m not happy like that... I'm always seeking some kind of novelty, something new. I'm bored with everything.” (11:46, Kaelynn)

Representation & Reality TV (13:41–15:09)

• Kristen reflects on Kaelynn’s impact on “Love on the Spectrum,” lamenting the limited coverage of her story.
• Kaelynn comments on why she’s perhaps less suited to reality TV:
  • “Relative to individuals who participate on reality television, I am not somebody who is going to engage in some kind of egregious behavior on camera.” (14:36, Kaelynn)

The “You Don’t Look Autistic” Trope (15:09–18:38)

• They discuss the problematic phrase “you don’t look autistic.”
• Kaelynn rebuffs it with humor and analogies:
  • “Just because you don’t know where something is doesn’t mean it’s invisible... You’re not a trained clinician, you don’t know where to look.” (17:57, Kaelynn)
  • Recounts a high school incident where her service dog mitigated visible symptoms.

Kaelynn’s Personality, Control, and Social Negotiation (18:38–21:12)

• Candid discussion about being “hard to live with,” her strong opinions, and the negotiation skills honed from early high verbal ability.
• Finds most people “don’t like to choose,” so she’s happy to do so if others are indifferent.

Communication Nuances: Bids for Connection & Expressing Affection (21:29–27:21)

• Kristen shares a personal breakthrough: learning to recognize “bids for connection” from an autistic loved one (e.g., repeating “I’m tired” not for solutions, but validation).
  • “When something is repetitive and it’s out of context, maybe it annoys you a little bit… it might be a bid for connection.” (24:11, Kaelynn)
• Kaelynn distinguishes between seeking and expressing affection:
  • Giving objects frequently used (like keys) is expressing love;
  • Statements like “I’m tired” are seeking affection.

Navigating Open-Ended Questions (29:07–32:33)

• Open-ended questions pose unique challenges for Kaelynn; likens it to “playing Tetris with your eyes closed.”
  • “To answer an open ended question, there’s a lot of subtext you have to sift through.” (29:41, Kaelynn)
  • She prefers specificity in communication and feels frustrated when it’s absent.

Accommodations and Self-Advocacy (34:04–39:53)

• Kaelynn describes essential accommodations: fidget tools, noise-cancelling headphones (selected for decibel cancellation), sunglasses, especially in overstimulating environments.
  • On the importance of self-managed accommodations:
    • “There are accommodations that are socially mediated... and there are accommodations that are just self managed... For the ones that are self managed, that is your responsibility and you do not need to ask for them.” (37:08, Kaelynn)
• Kristen reflects on past mistakes with shaming accommodations and the importance of learning and improving as allies.
  • “You learn better, you do better.” (39:53, Kaelynn)

Is Autism or ADHD a Superpower? (41:10–47:44)

• Both Kristen and Kaelynn strongly reject the “superpower” narrative.
  • “Could you walk into Shark Tank and... get someone to buy autism?... No. No one would buy autism.” (42:50, Kaelynn)
  • Labels like “superpower” are more for the comfort of others (especially parents) than the reality of living with these conditions.
  • Acceptance doesn’t require glossing over difficulties or calling them gifts.

Self-Acceptance vs. Superpower Narrative (46:14–50:36)

• Kaelynn emphasizes separating “brokenness” from morality.
  • “If certain parts of my brain don’t do the things that I would really, really like for them to do, that doesn’t mean I’m a terrible, horrible person.” (47:18, Kaelynn)
• Kristen shares on decoupling symptoms from character flaws; both advocate for nuanced, honest self-acceptance.

The Harm of Superpower Rhetoric (50:44–52:37)

• Inaccuracies in the “superpower” discourse are grating, particularly coming from educators and those in power.
  • “It's a public display of lack of understanding and that should be embarrassing for them.” (52:05, Kaelynn)
  • Individual positive traits shouldn’t always be credited to the diagnosis: call it what it is—your own awesomeness.

Where Strengths Really Come From (52:38–53:29)

• Kaelynn credits her precise communication and ability to distill information (not jargon-heavy) as strengths she brings—possibly influenced by her autism.
  • “We've got to expand beyond the buzzwords and the... catchy phrases if we're going to affect meaningful change.” (53:17, Kaelynn)

Authentic Acceptance: What Does That Mean? (54:53–59:13)

• Kaelynn calls out “conditional acceptance” in the autism community:
  • “Your autism acceptance doesn’t count if it goes away the moment an autistic person does an autistic thing.” (54:55, Kaelynn)
• Real scenarios are discussed, such as inappropriate public behaviors or unfiltered comments, stressing the need for teaching—not shame or exclusion.
  • “That’s where it’s a problem. That’s where you’re absolutely 100% wrong.” (57:54, Kaelynn)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “To answer an open-ended question is like playing Tetris with your eyes closed.” (29:41, Kaelynn)
• “Just because you don’t know where something is doesn’t mean it’s invisible.” (17:57, Kaelynn)
• “There are accommodations that are just self-managed... you do not need to ask for them.” (37:08, Kaelynn)
• “Could you get someone to buy autism?... No one would want that if they didn’t already have that.” (42:50, Kaelynn)
• “Your autism acceptance doesn’t count if it goes away the moment an autistic person does an autistic thing.” (54:55, Kaelynn)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Kaelynn’s background and Project Hope: 02:19–04:05
• Discussion on “AuDHD”: 04:05–05:38
• Disentangling ADHD vs. Autism experiences: 06:11–11:46
• Reality TV & Representation: 13:41–15:09
• “You don’t look autistic” conversation: 15:09–18:38
• Communication and affection/bids for connection: 21:29–27:21
• Accommodations (headphones, sunglasses, etc.): 34:04–39:53
• Is neurodivergence a superpower? 41:10–47:44
• Self-acceptance and separating symptoms from character: 46:14–50:36
• Authentic acceptance and "autistic things": 54:53–59:13

Where to Find Kaelynn

• Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook: Just search for her name.
• Book: Life on the Bridge (new edition via HarperCollins, with new cover and material, soon to be available everywhere including in audiobook format).

Final Thoughts

This episode stands out for its directness, compassion, and practical wisdom about ADHD and autism. Kaelynn and Kristen challenge easy platitudes and demand a real, practical form of acceptance that withstands the uncomfortable realities of living neurodivergently—without glorification or shame. The episode is packed with relatable analogies and examples and is a must-listen for anyone navigating, loving, or working alongside neurodivergent people.