Podcast Summary: I Have ADHD Podcast

Episode 351 BITESIZE | November 13, 2025
Host: Kristen Carder

Overview of the Episode

In this BITESIZE episode, host Kristen Carder revisits and updates her approach to organization for adults with ADHD. Inspired by her experience watching Marie Kondo’s Tidying Up back in 2019, Kristen shares evolved perspectives on why organization is so uniquely challenging for ADHD brains. Drawing from both personal growth and extensive coaching experience, she explores the intersection of ADHD, trauma, and emotional regulation. Kristen emphasizes that clutter is not a moral failing, delves into why traditional organizational tips don't always work for ADHDers, and stresses the critical role of self-soothing and emotional regulation in managing disorganization.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Organization Challenges & Executive Dysfunction (02:00–06:00)

• Kristen discusses how her view of organization has evolved since her early podcasting days. She acknowledges the difficulties ADHDers face due to deficits in executive functioning—specifically organization, prioritization, and planning.
  • “Our ADHD brains really struggle with organization because it's literally one of our deficient executive functioning skills.” (03:53)
• Emotional regulation and task initiation are highlighted as additional hurdles—skills often required for organizing but commonly deficient in ADHD.

2. The Role of Childhood & Trauma (04:40–05:45)

• Kristen prompts listeners to reflect on their past: how experiences of chaos, moving frequently, or experiencing familial instability can deeply affect adult organizational capacity.
  • “All of those experiences, experiences that kind of impact where we live and the stuff that we have, it really affects our ability to organize.” (05:21)

3. De-stigmatizing Clutter & Self-Worth (05:45–06:18)

• A central message is to disconnect clutter from self-worth or morality.
  • “If you live in a cluttered environment, that's not a sign of laziness. It's not a sign of failure. Your home is not a reflection of your worth. People who have clean homes are not better than people who have cluttered homes. Clutter is not moral. Clutter is not a moral issue.” (05:45–06:11)
• Kristen calls for self-compassion and community understanding.
  • “Can we all just, like, grab hands together and make sure that we really begin to let that sink in?” (06:13)

4. ADHD as a Disorder of Doing, Not Knowing (06:18–07:08)

• Via a mock dialogue and coach perspective, the show reinforces the concept that ADHD’s problem isn't ignorance of what to do, but a disconnect between knowledge and action.
  • “ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do. It's a disorder of knowing exactly what to do, but not being able to get yourself to do it. That's why ADHD is so frustrating.” (06:34)
• The Focused coaching program is introduced as a platform to bridge this gap.

5. Emotional Regulation as the Core Challenge (08:48–13:05)

• Kristen differentiates between being satisfied with your space and genuinely struggling with organization due to overwhelm and dysregulation.
  • For those who struggle: “A lot of us really avoid dealing with our stuff... because we're completely overwhelmed and dysregulated.” (09:17)
• She critiques traditional advice—like “just clean up” or “spend a little time every day”—as often unhelpful and even invalidating to ADHDers who are paralyzed by emotional overload.
  • “All of that neurotypical advice is very cute... but when you are riddled with overwhelm... then those tips are not helpful.” (09:40)
• Kristen lays out the real challenge:
  • “How do I deal with the way that my body is feeling about my stuff? Because clutter can really trigger shame and put us into fight or flight... and now we're frozen.” (10:12)
• She urges listeners to recognize that the barrier is not motivation or knowledge, but dysregulation of the nervous system.
  • “It's our bodies, it's the way that we're feeling. It's our nervous system freaking out. It is our dysregulation. It is the going into fight or flight.” (11:10)

6. The Real Solution: Self-Soothing & Emotional Regulation (12:30–13:10)

• Instead of seeking more organizing tips, Kristen emphasizes the importance of learning to self-soothe and process emotions. Only then can ADHDers implement logical, effective steps to organize.
  • “Emotional regulation is the main issue with adhd. If we can learn to process and self soothe... then we can actually implement the tools that we know we need to use.” (13:05)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Clutter and Worth:
  “Clutter is not moral. Clutter is not a moral issue. It does not make someone good or bad.” – Kristen Carder (06:00)
• On ADHD’s Core Struggle:
  “It's not a matter... of not knowing what to do. It's a matter of not being able to do the things that you know would help you.” – Kristen Carder (11:38)
• On Emotional Triggers:
  “Clutter can really trigger shame and really can put us into like a fight or flight... and then we go into like decision fatigue and shut down.” – Kristen Carder (10:20)

Important Timestamps

• 02:00–06:00: Kristen outlines ADHD brain’s organization challenges.
• 05:21: Impact of childhood and trauma on organization.
• 06:00: De-stigmatizing clutter; connecting clutter to mind state, not morality.
• 06:34: Defining ADHD as a knowing-versus-doing disorder.
• 08:48–09:50: Kristen separates those with and without organization struggles and addresses overwhelm.
• 09:40: The limits of neurotypical organizing advice.
• 11:10–12:30: Focus on emotional regulation and why it’s key for organizational success.
• 13:05: Reinforcing that emotional regulation is the main “thing” for ADHDers.

Episode Tone & Style

Kristen’s style is warm, direct, and deeply validating for adults with ADHD who have long battled shame around organization. She employs humor, metaphor, and gentle guidance (“Can we all just, like, grab hands together...”). The show steers clear of shaming listeners, instead framing organization difficulties as rooted in understandable neurobiological and emotional dynamics.

Conclusion

Kristen Carder’s updated take on organization for the ADHD brain spotlights the often-missed role of emotional regulation, refuting both stigmatizing narratives about clutter and unhelpful, oversimplified advice. Her central message: Your worth is not determined by your environment, and meaningful progress begins with caring for your emotional and nervous system needs—not with another “how-to” article.

Listeners walk away with a sense of both relief and concrete direction: before tackling organization, meet your dysregulation with compassion and learn to self-soothe—this is the real key to change for ADHDers.