351 BITESIZE |

Summary

Podcast Summary: I Have ADHD Podcast

Episode 351 BITESIZE | November 13, 2025
Host: Kristen Carder

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Overview of the Episode

In this BITESIZE episode, host Kristen Carder revisits and updates her approach to organization for adults with ADHD. Inspired by her experience watching Marie Kondo’s Tidying Up back in 2019, Kristen shares evolved perspectives on why organization is so uniquely challenging for ADHD brains. Drawing from both personal growth and extensive coaching experience, she explores the intersection of ADHD, trauma, and emotional regulation. Kristen emphasizes that clutter is not a moral failing, delves into why traditional organizational tips don't always work for ADHDers, and stresses the critical role of self-soothing and emotional regulation in managing disorganization.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Organization Challenges & Executive Dysfunction (02:00–06:00)

• Kristen discusses how her view of organization has evolved since her early podcasting days. She acknowledges the difficulties ADHDers face due to deficits in executive functioning—specifically organization, prioritization, and planning.
  • “Our ADHD brains really struggle with organization because it's literally one of our deficient executive functioning skills.” (03:53)
• Emotional regulation and task initiation are highlighted as additional hurdles—skills often required for organizing but commonly deficient in ADHD.

2. The Role of Childhood & Trauma (04:40–05:45)

• Kristen prompts listeners to reflect on their past: how experiences of chaos, moving frequently, or experiencing familial instability can deeply affect adult organizational capacity.
  • “All of those experiences, experiences that kind of impact where we live and the stuff that we have, it really affects our ability to organize.” (05:21)

3. De-stigmatizing Clutter & Self-Worth (05:45–06:18)

• A central message is to disconnect clutter from self-worth or morality.
  • “If you live in a cluttered environment, that's not a sign of laziness. It's not a sign of failure. Your home is not a reflection of your worth. People who have clean homes are not better than people who have cluttered homes. Clutter is not moral. Clutter is not a moral issue.” (05:45–06:11)
• Kristen calls for self-compassion and community understanding.
  • “Can we all just, like, grab hands together and make sure that we really begin to let that sink in?” (06:13)

4. ADHD as a Disorder of Doing, Not Knowing (06:18–07:08)

• Via a mock dialogue and coach perspective, the show reinforces the concept that ADHD’s problem isn't ignorance of what to do, but a disconnect between knowledge and action.
  • “ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do. It's a disorder of knowing exactly what to do, but not being able to get yourself to do it. That's why ADHD is so frustrating.” (06:34)
• The Focused coaching program is introduced as a platform to bridge this gap.

5. Emotional Regulation as the Core Challenge (08:48–13:05)

• Kristen differentiates between being satisfied with your space and genuinely struggling with organization due to overwhelm and dysregulation.
  • For those who struggle: “A lot of us really avoid dealing with our stuff... because we're completely overwhelmed and dysregulated.” (09:17)
• She critiques traditional advice—like “just clean up” or “spend a little time every day”—as often unhelpful and even invalidating to ADHDers who are paralyzed by emotional overload.
  • “All of that neurotypical advice is very cute... but when you are riddled with overwhelm... then those tips are not helpful.” (09:40)
• Kristen lays out the real challenge:
  • “How do I deal with the way that my body is feeling about my stuff? Because clutter can really trigger shame and put us into fight or flight... and now we're frozen.” (10:12)
• She urges listeners to recognize that the barrier is not motivation or knowledge, but dysregulation of the nervous system.
  • “It's our bodies, it's the way that we're feeling. It's our nervous system freaking out. It is our dysregulation. It is the going into fight or flight.” (11:10)

6. The Real Solution: Self-Soothing & Emotional Regulation (12:30–13:10)

• Instead of seeking more organizing tips, Kristen emphasizes the importance of learning to self-soothe and process emotions. Only then can ADHDers implement logical, effective steps to organize.
  • “Emotional regulation is the main issue with adhd. If we can learn to process and self soothe... then we can actually implement the tools that we know we need to use.” (13:05)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Clutter and Worth:
  “Clutter is not moral. Clutter is not a moral issue. It does not make someone good or bad.” – Kristen Carder (06:00)
• On ADHD’s Core Struggle:
  “It's not a matter... of not knowing what to do. It's a matter of not being able to do the things that you know would help you.” – Kristen Carder (11:38)
• On Emotional Triggers:
  “Clutter can really trigger shame and really can put us into like a fight or flight... and then we go into like decision fatigue and shut down.” – Kristen Carder (10:20)

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Important Timestamps

• 02:00–06:00: Kristen outlines ADHD brain’s organization challenges.
• 05:21: Impact of childhood and trauma on organization.
• 06:00: De-stigmatizing clutter; connecting clutter to mind state, not morality.
• 06:34: Defining ADHD as a knowing-versus-doing disorder.
• 08:48–09:50: Kristen separates those with and without organization struggles and addresses overwhelm.
• 09:40: The limits of neurotypical organizing advice.
• 11:10–12:30: Focus on emotional regulation and why it’s key for organizational success.
• 13:05: Reinforcing that emotional regulation is the main “thing” for ADHDers.

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Episode Tone & Style

Kristen’s style is warm, direct, and deeply validating for adults with ADHD who have long battled shame around organization. She employs humor, metaphor, and gentle guidance (“Can we all just, like, grab hands together...”). The show steers clear of shaming listeners, instead framing organization difficulties as rooted in understandable neurobiological and emotional dynamics.

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Conclusion

Kristen Carder’s updated take on organization for the ADHD brain spotlights the often-missed role of emotional regulation, refuting both stigmatizing narratives about clutter and unhelpful, oversimplified advice. Her central message: Your worth is not determined by your environment, and meaningful progress begins with caring for your emotional and nervous system needs—not with another “how-to” article.

Listeners walk away with a sense of both relief and concrete direction: before tackling organization, meet your dysregulation with compassion and learn to self-soothe—this is the real key to change for ADHDers.

Transcript

[Jessica McCabe]

This podcast is sponsored by Cure Hydration. You know that afternoon slump that hits around 2 or 3pm where your brain's like, oh, we're done here. Well, for my ADHD brain, that's the hardest part of my day. That's why I drink Cure Energy every afternoon. It's a clean plant based energy drink mix with natural caffeine and electrolytes so I get a boost and stay hydrated. No jitters, no crash, and just enough energy to get through the rest of the day without feeling like a zombie. And if you're like me and you don't drink enough water, Cure actually makes it easy and enjoyable. It tastes really good. My favorite flavors right now are peach tea and acai berry. They're crisp, not overly sweet, and they don't taste fake like a lot of other energy drinks. You know what I'm saying? Here's the thing. Staying hydrated isn't just about drinking water. You also need electrolytes, especially if you're low on dopamine and running on caffeine. That's why I love Cure. It's, it's clean, it works and I actually look forward to drinking it for I have ADHD listeners. You can get 20% off your first [e-mail] ihaveadhd with the code ihaveadhd and if you get a post purchase survey, make sure to tell them that you heard about Cure right here on the podcast. It really helps to support the show. Don't just drink more, upgrade it with Cure.

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[Kristin Carter]

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[Kristin Carter]

Back in 2019, which feels like a hundred years ago, I recorded an episode after watching Marie Kondo's Tidying Up. Do you remember that show on Netflix? I was so angry with that entire show and I recorded like a very fiery podcast episode. It was my fourth episode ever. So if you want to go back and listen to 2019 Kristin Carter before she knew she was a coach, before she knew she was gonna be working exclusively, exclusively with adults with adhd, all of my growth will be on full display. Yeah, it's episode number four at the very beginning of 2019. And since then, I've learned so much. I've learned so much more about, not just about adhd, but about trauma and emotional regulation and how those three things, adhd, trauma, and emotional regulation, intersect. And so today's episode is like an updated, completely new take on organization for the ADHD brain. And our ADHD brains really struggle with organization because it's literally one of our deficient executive functioning skills. It's in a group, like a cluster group of organization, prioritization, and planning. And those three things are in this, like, cluster of, you know, an executive function that is deficient for most of us. And that's hard. That's real hard. Not only is this very hard for us, but we also struggle with emotional regulation and task initiation, which are two extremely important skills when it comes to wanting to organize. And not only that, but many of us grew up in cluttered, chaotic households. I wonder if you could think back to your childhood and. And just remember, like, what your home was like, what the piles were like, what the. What the shelves look like. Was it hard to find things in your home? Was it easy to find things in your home? You can also think about, like, did you move a lot? Did you have a parent? Like, maybe your parents split up, or maybe you had a parent that passed away. All of those experiences, experiences that kind of impact where we live and the stuff that we have, it really affects our ability to organize. And I just want to start off by saying that if you live in a cluttered environment, that's not a sign of laziness. It's not a sign of failure. Your home is not a reflection of your worth. People who have clean homes are not better than people who have cluttered homes. Clutter is not moral. Clutter is not a moral issue. It does not make someone good or bad. It's just stuff. It's. It's not. It's neither good nor bad. Okay? Your home may look like an Instagram, you know, content creator, or your home may be something that you actually hide from the world. And either way, you can still be a good person. You can still be a person who is wonderful and giving and kind and loving and a great parent and a great partner and just a great human in general. Okay? So again, the clutter that you may see in your home, it's not a sign of laziness. It's not a sign of failure. It doesn't reflect your worth. And it isn't a moral issue. Can we all just, like, grab hands together and make sure that we really begin to let that sit sink in? Now, your space is a reflection of what's going on in your mind. And so the ADHD mind is often a little bit cluttered and chaotic. And that's just like, that's where we're at. That's just very normal. So if you're looking around and you're saying, yeah, my space is a little cluttered and chaotic, well, that makes sense because most often the ADHD brain is also a little bit cluttered and chaotic. Okay.

[Focused Coach]

Everyone with ADHD knows what to do to improve their lives.

[Kristin Carter]

You go to bed at a reasonable.

[Focused Coach]

Time and you wake up early. Make a list, cross the things off.

[Kristin Carter]

The list in order, manage your time. Well, yeah, we know what to do.

[Focused Coach]

But ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do. It's a disorder of knowing exactly what to do, but not being able to get yourself to do it. That's why ADHD is so frustrating.

[Kristin Carter]

We're smart and we want to succeed, but we can't get ourselves to do the things that we know we should.

[Focused Coach]

Do in order to make improvements. That's why I created Focused. I'm a life coach with multiple certifications, and since 2019, I've spent thousands of hours coaching adults with ADHD. Time for me to focus on you.

[Jessica McCabe]

Hello.

[Kristin Carter]

Welcome to your coaching call.

[Focused Coach]

I am going to be coaching you today on relationships. I know what it takes to help an adult with ADHD go from hot mess express to grounded and thriving. Focused is my monthly coaching membership where.

[Kristin Carter]

We go deep and we get to the root cause of what holds us back with adhd.

[Focused Coach]

I'll teach you how to understand your ADHD brain, regulate your emotions, and accept yourself, flaws and all. With this foundation, we build the skills to improve life with adhd. And not only do you get skills and tools in focus, but you're surrounded by a huge community of adults with ADHD who are also doing the work of self development right alongside of you. Dr. Ned Hallowell says healing happens in community, and I have absolutely found this to be true. As a matter of fact, Blue, listen to what actual Focused members have to say about being in this program.

[Focused Member]

What can I say about Focused? Full community of people who have issues similar to you and no one judge you. Focused has really supported me with my difficulties in asking for help. I've been encouraged and cheered on by the community. I really like that you can do as much or as little as you want. It's not just about the volume of the content, it's about the quality. Focused has helped me understand ADHD better.

[Focused Coach]

I would recommend this to anyone.

[Kristin Carter]

I would thoroughly recommend Focused.

[Focused Member]

I can confidently say that this is one of the best decisions that I have made for myself.

[Kristin Carter]

So if you're an adult with ADHD who wants to figure out how to be motivated from the inside out and.

[Focused Coach]

Make real, lasting changes in your life, join hundreds of others from around the world in Focused. Click the link in the episode description.

[Kristin Carter]

To check it out now. I don't know where you are in your journey. You might be completely satisfied and happy with the space, space that you're living in. And if that is the case, awesome. I hope you still hang out with us here. I hope you still enjoy this episode. I hope that I can still entertain you and that we can still be besties. But you don't need to, like, apply any of what I'm saying to your life. If you are happy with the way that your space is, if you feel like it's working for you, if you can find everything, if you. If you are. If you're just satisfied, good, that's wonderful. But if you are feeling like it's not working for me, everything does feel cluttered. It is a little bit dysregulating. I feel kind of activated and triggered in my own space, which I don't really love. And also, I'm struggling to find things. I'm struggling to just, like, locate the basic things. I feel like I'm always having to spend more time getting out the door in the morning because I'm having to look for things or I'm having to locate things. Okay, then that's. This, this. This episode is for you, my friend. Okay. A lot of us really avoid dealing with our stuff. And I mean physical stuff, but gosh, does not. Doesn't that apply to our emotional stuff, too? But I am talking about our physical stuff. A lot of us really avoid, like, dealing with our clutter because we're completely overwhelmed and dysregulated. And so it's really. It's not easy. It's not just a matter of just like, just clean it up. Just go, just make a pile. Just. Just break it down into small steps. Just spend a little bit of time every day. Like, all of that neurotypical advice is very cute. And like, sure, it's logical, but when you are riddled with overwhelm and when you're completely dysregulated, when your home literally is triggering for you and you're feeling activated constantly and your body is going into fight or flight, then those tips are not helpful. It's not helpful. It's not about motivation. It's not about time. It's not about, like, not knowing the steps. It's just about how do I deal with the way that my body is feeling about my stuff? Because clutter can really trigger shame and really can put us into like a fight or flight. Like, we can really feel our bodies being so dysregulated and kind of freaking out. And then we go into like decision fatigue and shut down. And now we're frozen. Now we just, like, are completely frozen. And it looks like we're lazy, but we're not lazy. We're just struggling. We're really, really, really struggling with the way that our body is feeling. Okay, so the key here is not, please give me the tips and tricks to know how to organize. Like, that is all googleable and like, sure, we're gonna talk about it, but the key here is how do I actually self soothe so that my body can stop freaking out, so that I can implement the very logical steps that I know how to do? I mean, you're smart, you know what to do. It's not a matter, again, with everything with adhd. It's not a matter of not knowing what to do. It's a matter of not being able to do the things that you know would help you. It's like, I know what to do, but I just can't get myself to do it. Yeah, that. That is the definition of adhd. I know what to do. I can't get myself to do it. What's in the way? What's the barrier? It's our bodies, it's the way that we're feeling. It's our nervous system freaking out. It is our dysregulation. It is the going into fight or flight. We can't do executive functioning work like organization when our bodies are in that state. And so what's the solution to that? How do you learn to self soothe? And I truly believe, and you've heard me say this a million times, if.

[Jessica McCabe]

You'Re a longtime listener, you've heard me.

[Kristin Carter]

Say this a million times. Emotional regulation is the main issue with adhd. If we can learn to process and self soothe, process the emotion, soothe the emotion, move into like a more neutral state, that's everything, then we can actually implement the tools that we know we need to use, then we can actually implement the logical steps that, you know, it's like, start small. Yeah, start small. Except when my body is freaking out, I can't. I can't do anything. It's. Yeah. It's just so interesting how the very logical, some would say neurotypical tips, they make sense, but they don't make sense when your body's freaking out.