353 BITESIZE | Why You Can't Start Until The Last Minute: Unlocking ADHD & Motivation - I Have ADHD Podcast

Podcast Summary: I Have ADHD Podcast

Host: Kristen Carder
Episode: 353 BITESIZE | Why You Can't Start Until The Last Minute: Unlocking ADHD & Motivation
Date: November 20, 2025

Overview: Main Theme and Purpose

This Bitesize episode dives deep into the relationship between ADHD, motivation, and chronic procrastination—specifically, why so many people with ADHD can only start tasks at the very last minute. Host Kristen Carder explores the neurological factors and emotional barriers that make task initiation so tricky for ADHD brains. Through personal stories, expert references, and relatable analogies, Kristen offers listeners validation, understanding, and practical insight into the peculiarities of ADHD motivation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Four Pillars of ADHD Motivation (01:18)

Kristen summarizes Dr. William Dodson’s theory that four main drivers determine the performance, mood, and energy of ADHD brains:
- Interest: Being genuinely fascinated or passionate
- Challenge/Competitiveness
- Novelty: Something new or different
- Urgency: An external time pressure
Notable Quote (Kristen, 02:00):
"Urgency is so important, right? Like it comes from the external pressure of time. Which is often why we wait until the last minute to get something done."

2. ADHD vs. Neurotypical Motivation (03:10)

Neurotypical people are generally motivated by the importance of a task—their nervous systems respond when something is simply valuable, necessary, or meaningful, without time stress.
ADHDers have an interest-based nervous system: Unless a task is inherently interesting, novel, challenging, or urgent, it’s incredibly hard to start.
Kristen’s Reflection:
"Tasks don't have to be important right now to prompt [neurotypicals'] engagement—just important in general." (03:50)

3. Neurology of Motivation: The Role of Dopamine (04:40)

People with ADHD have fewer dopamine receptors, reducing their brain’s natural motivation drive.
Often, only intense stimulation or urgency provide enough dopamine activation to start tasks.
Notable Quote (Kristen, 05:10):
"We have fewer dopamine receptors, which means our brains are receiving less dopamine. And since dopamine drives motivation, we struggle with motivation. So this part of our brain is impaired in some ways."

4. Emotional Barriers to Task Initiation (06:22)

Many ADHDers are held back by negative emotions rather than lack of desire:
- Fear
- Dread
- Shame
- Perfectionism
The more someone wants to do something well, the more paralyzing starting can feel.
Notable Quote (Kristen, 07:50):
“I put off, avoid, and procrastinate most on the things I care deeply about because of the fear and overwhelm and perfectionism and really wanting it to be so good and not trusting myself that it will be good...I truly avoid and procrastinate the most on the things that I care about most.”

5. Cultural and Social Misunderstandings (08:50)

ADHDers are often told their struggle to initiate means they must “not want it badly enough”—a myth Kristen passionately debunks.
Quote (Kristen, 09:40):
"As I have said before, actually, no, I put off, avoid, and procrastinate most on the things I care deeply about."
She reflects on parenting her neurodivergent child differently, reinforcing love and understanding rather than shame.

6. Common Barriers to Getting Started (10:25)

Overwhelm or anxiety (being emotionally dysregulated)
Not connecting to the “why”/no personal significance
Tasks feel too vague, big, or unclear (especially new, unfamiliar projects)
Perfectionism and fear of doing it wrong
Lack of support
Waiting for the “perfect” moment or mood—another myth
Relatable Anecdote (Kristen, 11:24):
Describes her struggle to start a book proposal because the process felt “so big and vague and unclear.”

7. Motivation vs. Determination (11:40)

Motivation is inconsistent and unreliable for ADHD brains; Kristen suggests cultivating determination instead of waiting for motivation.
Example: Her commitment to writing a book (a long-term, low-immediacy dopamine project) vs. tending to her flower beds (instant gratification).
Quote (Kristen, 13:00):
"If we can, instead of motivation, if we could access determination, that will be a good enough fuel for us to get started."
Emphasizes the importance of connecting deeply to one’s “why”—her commitment to helping the ADHD community is what propels her through difficult, delayed-reward tasks.

Most Memorable Moments & Quotes

On How ADHD Procrastination Is Misunderstood
"I truly avoid and procrastinate the most on the things that I care about most. And I think that that is really typical for us ADHDers. But what is so painful is that... we’re so misunderstood...there’s this attitude...‘I guess you don’t actually want it badly enough.’ And I know that’s not true." — Kristen Carder, (08:20)
On Delayed Reward & Motivation
"Do you know, my friend, that you won’t even be able to read the book until the fall of 2026. That means that I have to wait for dopamine so long... So the delayed dopamine really makes it super hard for me to initiate the task, because I want dopamine now." — Kristen Carder, (12:01)
Parenting with Compassion
"I always try to encourage him by saying, I know you really want this. I can see it. And I just wanna encourage you that, like, I know you can do it and you’ll get there eventually. And I just wonder if anybody talks to you that way, if anybody has ever parented you in that way. And if not, we missed out on a lot, you know?" — Kristen Carder, (10:00)

Timestamps for Important Segments

01:18 — Introduction to the Four Pillars of ADHD Motivation (Dodson’s framework)
03:10 — Explaining the difference between ADHD and neurotypical motivation
04:40 — How dopamine affects motivation in ADHD brains
06:22 — Emotional reasons behind procrastination and avoidance
08:50 — The myth of "not wanting it badly enough" and parenting with empathy
10:25 — Breakdown of common barriers to task initiation
11:40 — Motivation vs determination; Kristen’s book project example
13:00 — Using a clear “why” as motivation for long-term projects

Summary Tone and Takeaways

Kristen Carder’s tone throughout the episode is compassionate, validating, and relatable. She blends neuroscience with real-life experience, creating an atmosphere of understanding and warmth. Kristen normalizes the struggles of task initiation for ADHD adults, dismantles misconceptions, and encourages self-acceptance. She leaves listeners with encouragement to focus on determination and connecting with their “why” instead of waiting around for the elusive hit of motivation.

Missed the full episode?
Kristen recommends checking out the show notes for the link to the complete version, and reminds listeners to drink water, take their meds, and treat themselves with kindness.

Transcript

A (0:00)

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C (0:03)

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B (0:30)

Foreign hey, what's up? This is Kristen Carter and you are listening to a bite sized episode of the I have ADHD podcast. I am medicated, caffeinated, regulated and ready to roll. This little episode is one of my favorite clips from the podcast. It's perfect if you're not in the mood for a full hour long listen.

C (0:52)

Because let's be real, some of us.

B (0:54)

ADHD years just don't have the patience for all of that. But if you are a die hard listener, think of this as your midweek p Pick me up. It's Thursday y'. All. Friday is right around the corner. If you love this clip, check out the show notes for a link to the full episode. And remember my friend, drink your water.

C (1:13)

Take your meds, grab a snack.

B (1:16)

Now let's get rolling.

C (1:18)

So basically Dodson is saying that ADHD's performance, mood and energy levels are in large part determined by four key interest, like being interested in it, fascinated or passionate about something, challenge or competitiveness, novelty, and urgency. And urgency is so important, right? Like it comes from the external pressure of time. Which is often why we wait until the last minute to get something done. Often why we can't engage our task initiation skill until the clock is striking midnight and we're like, oh my gosh, I have to go, I have to do it. I have to do it. It's because we finally feel that urgency. Now. In comparison, many neurotypical people have an important space nervous system. Lucky them. They have an importance based nervous system, which means that they're able to more easily engage in tasks because the task matters, because it's important to them, because it's valuable or there's some sort of reward, or it has a punishment or consequence if it's not done. An important difference is that for neurotypical people, urgency matters less, so they're not necessarily having to wait until the last minute to do it. Tasks don't have to be important right now to prompt the engagement, just important in general. Okay. So it's really interesting and I think it's extremely valuable for us to have a deeper understanding of the ADHD brain. We have an interest based nervous system. We often need urgency, challenge, novelty and interest in order to be able to initiate on tasks, meaning getting started. Okay, I wonder if we could take a stop and think here together. Just like a pause. Do you notice that about yourself? Is that one of the most frustrating things about yourself? Are you able to sit with the fact that like this is the way that your brain is wired and yes, you can make changes and yes, you can make improvements, but this is your default setting and that's okay. It's not something you chose, it's just something that is. And so can you accept that about yourself? Can you accept that about yourself? Now, one of the other things that is a factor here when it comes to motivation and task initiation is that ADHD brains have less dopamine and dopamine drives motivation. Lucky us. So we have to be more precise. We have fewer dopamine receptors, which means our brains are receiving less dopamine. And since dopamine drives motivation, we struggle with motivation. So this part of our brain is impaired in some ways. So we often can't feel the urgency or the importance of something or the reward of starting a task. Unless, as this Eliana Braavos woman said in her post on ND Connect, unless it's extremely stimulating or there's great urgency or there's great novelty, it's last minute. Like, it's just like, okay, I gotta go. I don't have a choice now. I just actually have to go. There's also like an emotional component to task initiation. So first we, we can't really regulate our dopamine. That's, that's just a brain thing. But we can't regulate. What I meant to say was motivation. So instead of feeling motivated, we are often kind of trapped in this like fear, dread, overwhelm, like perfectionistic shame. It's not gonna be good enough. I don't wanna do it. I'm dreading it. It's gonna be awful. And then couple that with like, I should have done it already. I should have already started. Why is this so hard? This shouldn't be so hard. So now we're spiraling in self judgment. And because we struggle with emotional regulation, it's really hard for us to just kind of self center, soothe and get ourselves out of that. Now there's also, and maybe someone has said this to you before, there's also these, like, cultural myths, like, passed down from people who really don't understand the neurodivergent brain. Like, if you wanted it badly enough, you just do it. Or I guess you just don't want to do it since you're not doing it. And as I have said before, actually, no, I put off avoid and procrastinate most on the things that I care deeply about because of the fear and overwhelm and perfectionism and really wanting it to be so good and not trusting myself that it will be good and not knowing if the impact that I want to make is going to be just enough. Oh, I'm getting a little emotional here. I truly. I truly avoid and procrastinate the most on the things that I care about most. And I think that that is really typical for us adhders. But what is so painful is that in our families or in our partnerships or in our friendships or at work, we're so misunderstood because there's this attitude, this aspect of like, I guess you don't actually want it badly enough. And I know that's not true. And as I parent my kids, one of whom is quite neurodivergent, I always try to encourage him. I have three boys and I always try to encourage him because there are certain things that I know that he wants that he really avoids. And I always try to encourage him by saying, I know you really want this. I can see it. And I just wanna encourage you that, like, I know you can do it and you'll get there eventually. And I just wonder if anybody talks to you that way, if anybody has ever parented you in that way. And if not, we missed out on a lot, you know, okay, let's move on so we don't get emotional. Cause ain't nobody got time for that. Here are some common barriers to getting started. So that's essentially what task initiation is, is just getting started. It is starting, just getting started on the things that you want to start. So some common barriers for us are we're overwhelmed or anxious, so we're feeling dysregulated. We don't really connect to the why of the task. A lot of us are just doing things because we should do them, because we think we should do them, because someone else has asked us to do them, because they seem like, I guess, good people do this. And I want to be a good person, so I have to do it. So we're not super connected to the why. The task feels vague or too big or unclear. I will Say that this was a big barrier for me with my book proposal because this is all so brand new to me. The whole book writing process is so brand new. I haven't even known anyone in real life who's written a book proposal. Like, I've never talked to anyone about it. It's. It was so vague and like wrapping my head around it, who very, very difficult for me. So when that is, when that is a part of our task, that it just feels big and vague and unclear. It's unlikely that we're going to be able to get ourselves to initiate unless we gain clarity on it. Another reason why we struggle to initiate is because we're afraid of doing it wrong. We struggle with perfectionism. As you know, perfectionism is the most common thought distortion for adults with ADHD, according to Dr. Russell Ramsey. Another aspect of this is we just don't have enough support. We're just like trying to start without support. And also I think if I'm going to add one at the end here, it's like we want to wait around and until the conditions are good. So it's like now's not a good time for me to do this because it's raining. Now's not a time. A good time for me to do this because my desk is messy and I should do that first. Now's not a time a good time because I don't really quite feel right or I don't feel motivated and I have to wait to do it until I feel motivated. Which again is the biggest myth ever. If we can, instead of motivation, if we could access determination, that will be a good enough fuel for us to get started. So with this book, which I'm going to be writing for the next six months, six months adhd, I want you to think about long term projects and how hard long term projects are to complete. Do you know, my friend, that you won't even be able to read the book until the fall of 2026. That means that I have to wait for dopamine so long until the fall of 2026. So the delayed dopamine really makes it super hard for me to initiate the task because I want dopamine now. I want to engage in tasks that are offering me dopamine now, which, by the way, Rabbit trail. I have been planting flower gardens all over my property, which is not a large property, but that's neither here nor there. I am finding places to plant flowers and I am in love with flower beds. And I think that we can all agree that I am squarely into my 40s because I think that's like something that old people do. And I'm not old, but I am in my 40s and I think this is proof. And so when I am looking at my Saturday and I'm saying, okay, I have the option to play with flowers or I have the option to write a book that no one's going to read for a year and a half, it's really hard to initiate on the task that has the delayed dopamine. And so I want to let you know that what I've been accessing is my very clear why I want to help as many people with ADHD as possible. I am committed, committed, committed. And I think about you listener, and I think about your relationships and I think about how much help all of us in the ADHD community need from someone who is kind and compassionate and trauma informed. It's important, it's so important that we're connected deeply to our why. So I think about that.