Podcast Summary: I Have ADHD Podcast
Episode 356: Tech Jobs + ADHD Minds—How David Made It Work
Host: Kristen Carder
Guest: David Wake
Date: December 2, 2025
Episode Overview
This episode features a candid conversation between host Kristen Carder and guest David Wake, a longtime member of the FOCUSED ADHD coaching community, software engineer, and ADHD coach. The episode explores David’s journey from receiving an adult ADHD diagnosis in the 1990s to building a successful career in Silicon Valley tech, all while navigating the characteristic challenges (and gifts) of ADHD. Together, Kristen and David dig into topics like rejection and self-acceptance, the ADHD experience in tech, self-trust and emotional regulation, and how coaching changed David’s sense of self-worth. It’s an episode full of warmth, community, and hard-earned insights for anyone struggling to make ADHD work in their professional and personal lives.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. David's ADHD Diagnosis Journey (04:22–12:00)
- Context: David was diagnosed as an adult in graduate school (1997/98), rare for that era.
- In England: Sought help but was told to "pull yourself together, try harder." (05:00)
- Quote, David [05:07]: “I went for help there, and they just told me, you know, pull yourself together, try harder, the usual stuff.”
- In the U.S.: The approach was different—he was quickly identified as likely having ADHD.
Memorable Moment:
- Kristen (07:06): Reflects on how crushing it is to ask for help and be dismissed:
- “It hurts my heart. That hurts my heart.”
- David’s resilience: Despite repeated invalidation, he sought support again when moving to California.
2. Transition from Academia to Tech (12:00–17:10)
- Dropped out of graduate school: Couldn’t finish writing a PhD.
- Landed in Silicon Valley: Found relief in the tech world, realizing he could “survive there in a job.”
- Quote, David [12:28]: “I think it was a relief to find that I could survive there in a job.”
- Software engineering as a fit: Rewarding due to instant feedback and stimulation, but not without challenges.
3. ADHD in the Tech Workplace (17:00–23:00)
- David’s experience:
- Difficulty when lacking understanding or confidence early in his career.
- Tendency to “fake it ‘til you make it,” but at times digging himself into deeper holes.
- Fear of asking for help due to perceived risk of being seen as a failure or impostor.
- Growth in confidence was essential for admitting gaps and seeking assistance.
Notable Quote
- David [19:35]: “Because otherwise you’re afraid of being seen as a failure or an imposter.”
- Role of internal narrative: Never felt unfairly treated by others, but self-doubt was a major hurdle.
4. Finding Internal Peace and Community (21:14–23:00, 31:00–36:00)
- Through coaching (FOCUSED):
- Developed self-acceptance and learned to see himself as worthy of respect.
- Realized community was essential to feeling less inadequate.
- Coaching opened up “a whole side of me that was kind of frozen.” [33:51]
Memorable Quotes
- David [21:44]: “I think it’s being able to view yourself as someone who’s worthy of some degree of respect.”
- Kristen [32:29]: “Not only are you not inadequate, but you very early on began supporting people within the community…”
5. Tech Tools, AI, and Coping Strategies (22:41–24:51)
- AI as an ADHD tool: ChatGPT and similar tools now indispensable for tech workers and ADHDers.
- David’s approach: Uses ChatGPT as a “voice to talk to” and for problem-solving, not just technical tasks but also daily planning (e.g., sightseeing in Philly).
- Quote, David [23:50]: “It sounds strange, but often just as a… almost a voice to talk to. Just having that interaction can make everything so different mentally.”
6. ADHD Symptom Profiles and Social Life (26:53–30:00)
- David: Inattentive type; describes losing the thread in conversations, zoning out in noisy social gatherings.
- Kristen: Contrasts as more hyperactive, seeking dopamine by becoming the center of attention.
7. Biggest ADHD Barriers at Work (29:12–30:26)
- Challenges:
- Following complex or lengthy instructions.
- Tendency to skip steps or need to double back.
- Reading comprehension issues—often rereads content for focus.
8. Learning About ADHD and Path to Coaching (30:26–41:10)
- Sparse early education: "One sheet of paper" at time of diagnosis, no podcasts or resources.
- Entry into coaching: A career coach noted his ADHD struggles, which led him to seek ADHD-specific coaching.
- Community engagement: Found Focused crucial, joined all calls, and began supporting others—naturally evolved into coaching.
Memorable Moment
- Kristen [33:06]: “You just said I wanted more than once a week, and you went out and found it.”
9. Impact of Coaching and Emotional Regulation (41:10–47:00)
- Self-coaching: Finds it more difficult to coach self than others; useful to frame situations as if helping another person.
- Emotional regulation: Grew up without focus on emotions (“There was quite a bit of yelling”). Now recognizes and addresses low points (“finding a place of more warmth”).
- Quote, David [44:33]: “I'm able to try to, I think, talk to myself. To find a place of more warmth.”
10. Key ADHD Themes in Coaching Others (37:32–38:48)
- Common struggles: Sleep issues, especially trouble going to bed and waking up (“revenge bedtime procrastination”), are nearly universal among ADHDers.
- David’s difference: Helping others, especially those in emotional distress, brings personal fulfillment.
11. Self-Trust and Receiving Support (38:48–41:10)
- Building self-trust: Grew confidence to do things like traveling solo and podcasting through encouragement from trusted community members.
- The importance of validation: Leaning on feedback from wise, supportive people as a form of self-trust.
12. Transition to Coaching Career (36:01–37:04, 47:43–End)
- Training: Completed multiple programs and found coaching within Focused especially rewarding.
- Style: Calm, warm, and validating—particularly adept at supporting emotional regulation in clients.
- Contact: Runs “David Wake ADHD Coaching” for individual coaching sessions.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (With Timestamps)
- [05:07] David: "I went for help there, and they just told me, you know, pull yourself together, try harder, the usual stuff."
- [19:35] David: "Because otherwise you're afraid of being seen as a failure or an imposter."
- [21:44] David: "I think it's being able to view yourself as someone who's worthy of some degree of respect."
- [23:50] David: "It sounds strange, but often just as a… almost a voice to talk to."
- [33:51] David: "It feels like it's just opened up a whole side of me that I think was kind of frozen."
- [44:33] David: "I'm able to try to, I think, talk to myself. To find a place of more warmth."
Important Segments & Timestamps
| Time | Topic/Segment | |-----------|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 04:22 | David’s diagnosis story; differences in U.K. and U.S. responses | | 12:00 | Dropping out of grad school, transition into tech | | 17:00 | ADHD in Silicon Valley: feedback, challenges, impostor syndrome | | 22:41 | AI tools like ChatGPT as support for ADHD life and work | | 26:53 | Inattentive ADHD traits and their impact | | 29:12 | Barriers in tech: instructions, reading, following through | | 30:26 | Learning about ADHD—lack of early info, move to coaching | | 32:16 | The role of community in self-worth and professional growth | | 37:32 | Most common coaching topics with ADHD clients: sleep problems | | 41:10 | Self-trust, coaching yourself, and importance of outside validation | | 44:33 | Emotional regulation: confronting emptiness with warmth | | 47:43 | Most rewarding aspects of being an ADHD coach |
Final Thoughts & Takeaways
- Permission to seek help: David’s journey shows the importance—and the difficulty—of reaching out and asking for the support needed.
- Significance of community: ADHDers thrive in spaces where they feel understood and accepted, which can catalyze transformation.
- Coaching as empowerment: Both Kristen and David emphasize that community-based coaching leads to deeper self-trust, resilience, and the ability to help others.
- Technology as a tool, not a threat: AI is framed as a supportive force for handling daily tasks and executive function challenges.
- Self-acceptance is a journey: The episode closes with a heartwarming reminder: transformation is possible at any stage of life, and it’s never too late to discover self-worth and make a meaningful impact.
Contact David:
Website: David Wake ADHD Coaching
"It feels like maybe this is where maybe in an ideal world I could have spent my whole life doing this."
— David [36:01]
Host closing note: Kristen highly recommends David as a coach for adults with ADHD, highlighting his warmth, wisdom, and significant contributions within their community.
For listeners: If you resonate with David’s story or Kristen’s coaching philosophy, check out the Focused community at ihaveadhd.com/focused.