I Have ADHD Podcast – Episode 359 BITESIZE (Dec 11, 2025)

Host: Kristen Carder
Format: Bite-size highlight episode (approx. 13 minutes content; guest and host's names not fully provided in transcript)

Episode Overview

In this bite-sized episode, Kristen Carder shares a powerful clip from a longer conversation focused on the struggles of living and working with chronic pain, self-advocacy, and self-abandonment within the context of ADHD—especially in high-stress work environments like medicine. The guest, who has experienced both ADHD and chronic pain following brain surgery, discusses the intersection of these challenges: masking symptoms, not being believed, and eventually finding the courage to prioritize self-care despite internal and external resistance.

The episode is empathetic, deeply honest, and uplifting for listeners facing similar battles of self-acceptance and boundary-setting.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Pressure to "Push Through" in Medicine and Life with ADHD

• Cultural Challenges:

  • The guest describes a medical field culture “where people put IVs in themselves to walk around and do rounds,” pushing past pain as a mark of endurance rather than a warning sign.
  • “There's this sort of deeply ingrained...culture of we just push through, which is not healthy or functional.” (03:18 – Guest)

• Invisible Pain & Masking:

  • Pain that isn’t outwardly obvious is frequently minimized, whether self-imposed or by others.
  • “It doesn't look like I'm in pain...being so worried about what other people are going to think or believe about me just became all I could focus on.” (08:44, 08:51 – Guest)

2. Self-Abandonment vs. Self-Advocacy

• Internalizing Doubt:

  • ADHDers may fear not being believed—by colleagues, superiors, even themselves—about their symptoms and needs.
  • The guest describes the harrowing battle between knowing their own limits and worrying about letting others down or being perceived as dramatic or lazy.
  • “There was just so much gaslighting of, like, they're gonna think it's not real. And then I start doubting—are you being dramatic?” (10:10 – Guest)

• Moment of Self-Recognition:

  • Overwhelmed by pain and exhaustion, the guest realized continuing as before wasn't sustainable:
    “I ended up thanking my pain for getting so bad that I couldn't ignore it anymore.” (04:50 – Guest)
  • Taking a medical leave became not just a physical necessity but an act of reclaiming agency and compassion for oneself.

3. The Decision to Take Medical Leave

• The Practical and Emotional Path:

  • Therapy, coaching (including Kristen's FOCUSED program), and a supportive neurologist played key roles.
  • “I was spending $300 to $500 a week to try to get out of pain so I could go to work...I just need to stop.” (05:29, 05:54 – Guest)
  • The process included administrative battles, communicating with HR, and overcoming the deeply rooted need to ultimately “not let anyone down.”

• The Power of External Validation:

  • The guest’s neurologist offered perspective: “This is the stupidest long game if you’re faking it. So you had surgery on your brain 12 years ago to plan for calling out of work in 12 years?” (12:59 – Guest quoting neurologist)

4. Healing, Neuroplasticity & Regulating the Nervous System

• Learning About Chronic Pain:

  • Discussion of Norman Doidge’s books, especially “The Brain that Heals Itself,” and conferences on neuroplasticity and chronic pain. (06:44 – Host)
  • Importance of validating that pain is real, even when the nervous system or brain rewiring is involved.

• Where Healing Starts:

  • Accepting the need for medical leave was a “beautiful boundary that gave [them] freedom.” (14:56 – Host)
  • Healing isn’t instant, but recognizing personal limits is essential for both mental and physical health.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Not Being Believed

“We start having this belief of like, I'm not gonna be believed ... people don't really trust me when I say this is what's happening for me.” — Kristen Carder, Host (02:48)

On Internalized Storylines

“I have a lot of sadness about the fact that I just put [others’ needs] over, ‘Hey, I can't get out of bed.’” — Guest (09:00, 09:10)

On Hyperfocus and Pushing Through

“Because of ADHD, I can focus through it. I can hyperfocus and get the task done... but it was just like, this is actually not sustainable.” — Guest (05:25–05:30)

On the Ridiculousness of Self-Doubt

“If only it was that easy to just be like, ‘Oh my… you don’t think I’m in pain? Oh my God, my pain’s gone.’” — Guest (10:05)

On the Crucial Moment of Decision

“Something clicked where I was like... once you reach the point when you’re saying you need a break, it has to start now.” — Guest recounting HR conversation (14:52)

On Finding Freedom Through Limits

“It’s like a beautiful boundary that gave you freedom.” — Kristen Carder, Host (14:56)

Important Timestamps

• 02:48 – The pain of not being believed, internalizing others’ doubts.
• 03:18–04:25 – Medical field culture, masking pain, and emotional impact.
• 04:50–05:43 – The breaking point: gratitude for pain and the unsustainability of pushing through.
• 06:14–07:58 – Healing begins; neuroscience books and learning; importance of nervous regulation.
• 08:03–10:32 – Self-abandonment, sadness, gaslighting, and internal struggle.
• 11:15 – The moment of calling HR and making the decision.
• 12:19–13:00 – Importance of supportive professionals and friends.
• 14:21–14:59 – Final push to take leave; letting go and accepting boundaries.

Summary & Tone

The episode is compassionate, honest, and supportive—balancing tough realities with validation and hope. Kristen and her guest discuss not only ADHD but also the added layers brought by chronic pain, medical culture, and the drive to “not let people down.” By highlighting the messy, emotional journey toward self-advocacy and regulation, the conversation offers understanding and encouragement to anyone who feels unseen or is struggling to put their own needs first.

For listeners: If you identify with the struggle to be believed, or with the conflict between self-care and pleasing others, this episode provides both validation and practical wisdom for moving forward.