Podcast Summary: I Have ADHD Podcast

Episode 360: I Almost Lost a Huge Opportunity to Rejection Sensitivity (But Here’s How I Came Back)
Host: Kristen Carder
Date: December 16, 2025

Overview

In this solo episode, Kristen Carder provides an intimate look at how rejection sensitivity—common among adults with ADHD—almost made her turn down a major opportunity to speak at a leading ADHD conference. She shares practical strategies she used to overcome those feelings and offers both encouragement and actionable advice for listeners struggling with similar issues. The episode also includes an in-depth listener Q&A about chronic disorganization and a recommendation for an ADHD-friendly productivity tool.

Main Discussion & Key Insights

1. Personal Updates and Book Writing Reflections

Timestamps: 02:34–15:40

• Kristen is writing a book on relationships for adults with ADHD, nearly finishing the last chapter.
• She describes the vulnerability and emotional labor involved in writing, noting that editors continuously push her to share more personal stories.
• The writing process is “not ADHD-friendly at all,” with much time spent just convincing herself to write, not actually writing.
• Quote:

  “Most of my writing time is just me trying to support myself, give myself enough encouragement, and actually get myself to do the writing.” (06:15)

• She highlights the importance of self-compassion over self-criticism to make consistent progress, encouraging listeners to be gentle with themselves too.
• Touches on the upcoming editing phase and her mixed feelings—excitement for the book's impact and anxiety about public vulnerability and potential criticism.
• Book pre-orders will open soon; Kristen reiterates the project’s goal is impact, not profit.
  • Quote:

    “Selling the book is not about making money for me. It’s about making an impact.” (13:58)

2. Navigating Rejection Sensitivity at the CHADD ADHD Conference

Timestamps: 17:56–32:38

• Kristen describes her escalating anxiety leading up to her speaker appearance at the CHADD Conference.
• She details the physical symptoms she experienced: headaches, jaw pain, and insomnia—realizing, with her therapist, that she was “bracing for impact” as if rejection was inevitable.
• Shares a candid Instagram reel (20:45) about her panic and vulnerability, then recaps overwhelming validation from followers.
  • Quote (Instagram Reel):

    “I was awake from 1am to 4am panicking… Because in three weeks I’m going to an ADHD conference and I don’t know if people are going to like me… It feels like I’m right back to the lunch table, like getting kicked off the lunch table.” (21:17)

• Offers a breakdown of how she cared for herself during this period:
  • Scheduled regular massages to reduce physical tension.
  • Resumed therapy, focusing on nervous system regulation (“bracing for impact”).
  • Invited her coach to attend the conference for co-regulation, providing herself with “a safe nervous system.”
    • Quote:

      “I was inviting safety to come with me into what felt like a dangerous situation. And it was amazing.” (27:52)

  • Suggests listeners identify and invite supportive people into anxiety-provoking situations.
• Ultimately, her negative expectations did not materialize. The community was welcoming, and she enjoyed speaking.
  • She highlights the brain’s habit (especially an ADHD brain) of generating “rejection stories” in the absence of real-world experience.
    • Quote:

      “Rejection stories hurt just as much as actual rejection. They feel the same.” (22:55)

• Encourages listeners to seek enough support to “do the thing” that scares them, so the brain can update its “map” with more accurate information.
  • “If you can support yourself enough to go do the thing, your brain can create a better map.” (31:23)

3. Listener Q&A: Chronic Disorganization and ADHD

Timestamps: 34:50–46:43

Listener Question from Deborah (35:19–37:03):
Deborah, age 58, shares her struggle with constantly losing things due to ADHD, describing feelings of anxiety and worry, and asks for Kristen’s advice.

Kristen’s Response:

• Validates the frustration and anxiety Deborah feels.
• First, recommends discussing any medical or cognitive concerns with a doctor to rule out other conditions (37:16).
• Commends Deborah for reaching out to a professional organizer.
  • Highlights the value of ongoing, not just one-time, support.
  • Quote:

    “This is not a want. This is a need. Hear me.” (39:03)

• Offers practical strategies:
  • Identify the handful of items you lose daily (keys, phone, wallet, etc.) and assign a consistent home.
  • Use tools like AirTags or phone-finding features to track important items.
  • Personal story: Admits she resisted her husband’s suggestion to always put keys in one place, but ultimately that habit changed her life.
  • Set aside a few minutes each morning to prepare: review your schedule, gather necessary items in advance to alleviate time pressure.
    • Quote:

      “The issue is twofold: losing things, and the time urgency/panic this creates.” (44:10)

  • If chronic loss continues, maintain ongoing help with an organizer and lean into external supports—this is not a sign of failure.

4. ADHD Productivity Resource: The Brick Device

Timestamps: 46:43–53:56

• Kristen recommends “Brick,” a non-sponsor device that temporarily disables distracting phone apps to increase focus.
  • She shares her process: activate Brick before work or as a break from social media, blocking all her games and social platforms.
• Explains how social media can cause dysregulation, especially during high-conflict/political periods.
  • Brick helps her seek real-world regulation (walks, connecting with friends) instead of stimulation from the phone.
    • Quote:

      “We use our phones as a regulator… but when I go on social media and instead of finding regulation, I find more dysregulation—that’s when it goes awry.” (51:40)

• Intends to use Brick for total social unplugging on future vacations.
• Link in show notes for listeners who are interested.

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Book Writing and Self-Compassion:

  “Berating yourself in order to try to get yourself to do the thing is not super helpful… it might help in the short term, but then you have to do it again the next day.” (09:47)

• On Rejection Sensitivity:

  “My brain was like, ‘They’re gonna hate you. They’re gonna think you’re stupid. They’re gonna wonder why you’re even there.’” (24:05)

• On ADHD and Knowing What to Do vs. Doing It:

  “ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do. It’s a disorder of knowing exactly what to do, but not being able to get yourself to do it.” (33:27)

• On Creating a New Map for Your Brain:

  “If we support ourselves enough to actually do the thing, our brains can create a realistic, better map.” (32:22)

• On Asking for Help:

  “Reaching out to an organizer is an awesome idea… This is not frivolous, it’s something you actually need.” (38:55)

Suggested Listening Segments and Timestamps

• Kristen on Book Writing and ADHD Realness: 02:34–15:40
• Rejection Sensitivity at the CHADD Conference (including Instagram Reel): 17:56–32:38
• Listener Question on Chronic Disorganization & Kristen’s Advice: 35:19–46:43
• Brick Device for ADHD Productivity: 46:43–53:56

Episode Tone & Language

Kristen’s tone is open, encouraging, candid, humorous, and above all, deeply empathic. She normalizes ADHD struggles, models vulnerability, and delivers both emotional validation and practical, actionable strategies.

Conclusion

This episode offers validation and tangible tools for adults with ADHD who are grappling with rejection sensitivity, chronic disorganization, and digital overwhelm. Kristen’s story of nearly letting fear sabotage a professional milestone, and her account of how support and self-care saw her through, will resonate with anyone who’s ever felt unworthy or “too ADHD” for the opportunities before them.

For more support, resources, and coaching:
Visit ihaveadhd.com/focused

Listener Question Hotline:
833-281-2343

Recommended Resource:
Brick (link in show notes)