I Have ADHD Podcast

Episode: "A Very ADHD Episode: Deep Feelings and Random Reels"

Host: Kristen Carder
Date: March 16, 2026

Overview

In this solo episode, Kristen Carder embarks on a heartfelt, meandering journey through the emotional landscape of ADHD. Emphasizing the show's signature mix of humor, vulnerability, and education, Kristen responds to listener voicemails about parenting, emotional regulation, and healing, dives deeper into the under-discussed eating disorder ARFID, and wraps up with a lighthearted exploration of ADHD life through Instagram reels. This episode is equal parts validation, advice, and community-building—a comforting space for anyone navigating adult ADHD.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Welcoming Spring & Meeting New Listeners (03:00)

• Kristen shares excitement about spring’s return, reflecting on the importance of sunlight for circadian rhythms and wellness, particularly in ADHD.
• She introduces the episode as an emotional, wide-ranging one: “Today is a solo episode. We're going all over the place today. We're gonna listen to some of your voicemails…” (04:04)
• Resource for newcomers: The Podcast Roadmap (ihaveadhd.com/roadmap), a curated guide to the podcast’s most popular and informative episodes, perfect for those feeling overwhelmed by 386+ episodes.

2. Listener Voicemail: Parenting, Regret, and Repair (07:14–19:59)

Caller 1: Anonymous Parent

• Shares regret over past dysfunctional parenting habits inherited from their own upbringing:
  • Quote: “How much damage have I done to especially my oldest...and how do I remedy it?” (07:27)
  • Expresses grief at saying, “I love you, but I don’t like you right now” to her child.

Kristen’s Compassionate Response

• Validates the pain and courage involved in self-reflection, emphasizing that being open to grief and accountability is crucial to change:
  • Quote: “So many parents are not willing to feel that pain that you are feeling right now… But what you are doing is you’re opening yourself up to the pain." (09:28)
• Normalizes operating from dysfunction before we even recognize it as such, and praises the caller for realizing this while her child is still young:
  • Quote: “Before we realize and, like, really recognize dysfunction, we’re going to naturally operate in it because that’s all we knew.” (10:52)
• Offers hope: “It is never too late to make a change in your relationship, especially as your child is young.” (12:41)
• Encourages repair through honest apologies, accountability, and consistent work on oneself:
  • Explains that children need “parents who are willing to take accountability, repair and evolve.”
  • Stresses the importance of self-compassion and trauma-informed therapy if accessible.
  • Reveals her own story of improving the relationship with her oldest child by embracing grief, improvement, and open, repeated repair.
• Notable moment: Kristen radiates warmth—“Girl, you got this. You got this. You’re a good mama. You can do this.” (19:42)

3. Voicemail: Emotional Doom Piles & ADHD (20:18–29:54)

Caller 2: Dalia

• Discusses how out-of-sight, out-of-mind ADHD tendencies cause unresolved emotions to “pile up,” only returning in full force at future triggering events:
  • Quote: “…instead of doom piles in our houses, it’s the doom piles in our brain. That seems, at least for me, to really mess my life up.” (21:04)

Kristen’s Perspective

• Introduces the term “emotional impermanence”: ADHDers may seem to “forget” emotions, but unresolved feelings accumulate subconsciously.
  • Quote: “It gets thrown on the pile. Like you said, like an emotional doom pile...I am stealing that. That's so good.” (21:51)
• Explains that unresolved conflicts become emotional baggage, resurfacing during new conflicts.
• Offers practical steps:
  • Journaling or voice noting grievances in the moment.
  • Reframing the “doom pile” as a “repair pile" and openly addressing issues with partners, preferably with outside support like couples therapy, if possible.
• Challenges the idea that all disagreements must be hidden from children; normalized, respectful discussions model healthy conflict resolution.
  • Quote: “Why don’t you want to fight in front of your kids? …In my opinion, it is completely, completely appropriate to have, I like to call them, discussions in front of the children.” (27:09)
• Reassures Dalia (and listeners) that struggling with emotional regulation is normal for ADHDers and repair is always possible.

4. Deep Dive: ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) (29:58–40:30)

Types of ARFID (per visual graphic, recapped verbally)

• Avoidant: Sensory-based aversions (textures, tastes, colors).
• Aversive: Fear-based, rooted in anxiety about negative consequences like choking/vomiting.
• Restrictive: Lack of interest or motivation to eat, not related to body image.
  • Kristen expresses surprise at how common restrictive ARFID is within her community.

Read-Aloud: Maria K’s YouTube Comment (Detailed Story) (33:17–40:15)

• Maria, age 29, vulnerably details her lived experience with ARFID and ADHD—childhood aversions, family/social misunderstandings, the slog of adult meal decisions, and shame faced when seeking medical help.
  • Quote, Maria K: “Feeding myself feels like a never ending chore...It’s like feeling hungry and still not wanting to eat.” (38:20)
• Resonates deeply with many neurodivergent listeners; Maria wishes for a pill to replace eating, echoing a common fantasy among those with sensory eating challenges.
• Kristen validates Maria’s feelings and shares her own related struggles, emphasizing the communal aspect of tackling shame.
• Resource highlighted: Equip Health – Not sponsored, but praised for ARFID and neurodivergent care.

5. ADHD Life Through Internet Reels (40:35–45:15)

• Kristen reviews and comments on two Instagram/YouTube Reels that encapsulate the ADHD experience:
  • Reel #1: ADHD priorities—ignoring urgent tasks like taxes/car washes to build a custom bookshelf instead.
    • Kristen’s Reaction: “Like, why is that the perfect example of what it’s like to live with ADHD? I’ve got so much...I’m a build this custom shelf real quick.” (41:25)
  • Reel #2: Post-work paralysis—coming home, freezing on the couch for hours, getting energy only at bedtime and “wasting” it on researching new life hacks, then staying up late and repeating the cycle.
    • Kristen’s Reaction: “Isn’t that so relaxing? Like, let’s just avoid everything… she probably forgot to eat, she probably forgot to have any water…” (43:44)
• She laughs warmly at the universal quirks of ADHD life, centering the joy and connection found in shared neurodivergent experiences:
  • "There are so many others out there just like you. We are all just trying to make a way for ourselves in the world." (44:46)

Notable Quotes

• On Repair in Parenting:
  “...the act of repair is what is going to bring so much health and connection to your relationship with your kids.” (12:32)

• On Emotional Doom Piles:
  “What’s happening when something triggers that emotion to come back is that now your body is not just responding to that one thing—it’s bringing in that entire doom pile…” (22:07)

• Maria K’s Eating Experience:
  “It’s like feeling hungry and still not wanting to eat...I’d rather take a pill to avoid eating on most days, if such a pill existed.” (38:20)

• On ADHD Quirkiness:
  “For me, I don't find it fun to have an ADHD brain, but what I do find fun is that we get to have these shared experiences…and we get to laugh at the idiosyncrasies of the things that we have in common…” (44:56)

Timestamps for Major Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Welcome, spring, Podcast Roadmap for new listeners | 03:00 | | Voicemail 1: Parenting regret and repair | 07:14 | | Kristen’s response: Hope and advice on repair | 09:04–19:59 | | Voicemail 2: Emotional doom piles (Dalia) | 20:18 | | Kristen’s response: Processing, memory, repair piles | 21:38–29:54 | | ARFID update: Types and Maria K’s story | 29:58–40:30 | | Internet reels segment: ADHD life on Instagram/YouTube | 40:35–45:15 | | Wrap-up, encouragement | 44:46–45:15 |

Memorable Moments

• Kristen multi-tasking: Admits to peeling off her nail polish while recording, joking it’s a “very ADHD thing” (06:06).
• Warm, teary response to the anonymous parent’s voicemail: “Get over here and let me give you a big, big, big hug.” (09:04)
• The “emotional doom pile”—an instantly relatable, humorous, and insightful metaphor for unprocessed feelings (21:38).
• Laugh-out-loud Instagram reels, with Kristen playfully breaking down the absurdity and relatability of ADHD behaviors (41:25, 43:44).
• Maria K’s raw, detailed testimony on ARFID’s everyday challenges, profoundly connecting with other listeners (33:17–40:15).

Takeaways/Central Messages

• Imperfection is inevitable. Repair, accountability, and honesty heal far more than perfection ever could.
• ADHD often involves unique emotional patterns—emotional impermanence and “doom piles” are real but can be addressed through intentional processing and repair.
• ARFID is more common among neurodivergent adults than previously thought; lack of food motivation, social shame, or sensory aversions are valid and treatable struggles.
• Community matters. Shared experiences—whether heavy or humorous—create belonging and hope.

Resources Mentioned

• Podcast Roadmap for new listeners
• Equip Health (ARFID support)
• Voicemail for questions: 833-281-2343

For more, listen to the full episode or check out Kristen’s guides. This summary captures the spirit, humor, and deeply validating advice that make the I Have ADHD Podcast a standout resource for the ADHD community.