Podcast Summary: "Why ADHD Is So Hard to Explain (and Why It Matters)"
I Have ADHD Podcast with Kristen Carder
Episode Air Date: January 15, 2026
Episode Overview
In this thoughtfully candid episode, host Kristen Carder addresses both adults with ADHD and their neurotypical loved ones, aiming to bridge the misunderstanding that often exists between the two groups. The core purpose is to demystify why ADHD is so hard to explain—even for those experiencing it—and to offer concrete insights for fostering empathy and healthier relationships.
Kristen not only highlights the complexities of ADHD but also provides conversation starters and key knowledge points for neurotypicals who are seeking to better support their ADHD friends and family. The episode avoids shaming or one-upmanship, instead centering connection, curiosity, and compassion.
Key Discussion Points and Insights
1. Why ADHD Is Difficult to Explain
[04:40 – 08:00]
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Kristen acknowledges the nuanced, complex nature of ADHD, stating that even those deeply familiar with it struggle to explain it.
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The disorder does not create new, unique problems, but rather, "it exacerbates universal problems" (Kristen, 06:10). Everyone experiences distraction, impulsivity, or forgetfulness occasionally—but for ADHDers, these symptoms are debilitating and persistent across multiple life areas.
“We struggle to explain ADHD because it is hard to talk about... ADHD doesn’t create brand new problems. It exacerbates the universal problems.”
— Kristen Carder [06:00]
2. The Relational Purpose of the Episode
[04:25 – 04:50]
- The episode is intentionally crafted for both ADHD listeners and their neurotypical counterparts. Kristen expresses gratitude to those neurotypicals willing to learn and grow:
“Your ADHD person is sending this to you because they love you, they trust you, they want to be connected to you. This is not an I told you so...All this episode is, is to foster understanding, is to foster connection.”
— Kristen Carder [04:40]
3. Loneliness and Misunderstanding Among ADHDers
[09:48 – 10:25]
- Kristen shares early results from her survey indicating widespread loneliness within the ADHD community, with most respondents expressing isolation.
“That’s why, a big reason why I wanted to create this episode as a connector, as a point of connection between a neurotypical and an ADHDer.”
— Kristen Carder [10:20]
4. ADHD Symptoms as a Spectrum
[08:45 – 12:00]
- Kristen emphasizes that ADHD presents differently in each individual—it's a spectrum, not a "one size fits all" diagnosis.
- Encourages neurotypical listeners to ask their ADHD loved one about their personal experiences:
“Ask your ADHD loved one about their specific experience. Oh my gosh. An ADHDer would love to tell you.”
— Kristen Carder [09:20]
5. The ADHD Experience: Knowing vs. Doing
[12:00 – 13:20]
- ADHD is a disorder not of knowing what to do, but of being able to do it.
“ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do. It’s a disorder of knowing exactly what to do, but not being able to get yourself to do it. That’s why ADHD is so frustrating.”
— Kristen Carder [12:50]
6. Executive Function Deficiencies
[17:20 – 22:00]
- Kristen breaks down common executive function challenges in ADHD:
- Task initiation (getting started)
- Emotional regulation
- Working memory
- Self-awareness and self-reflection
- Organization, prioritization, and planning ("OPP")
- She uses a powerful analogy:
“If we’re all on a trek up Mount Everest, I want you to think about the neurotypical brain having the proper gear for the climb... the ADHD brain does not have the same set of tools. Or they have the tools, but the tools are broken, or rusty, or just like we can’t find them... they're in the fridge with my keys.”
— Kristen Carder [19:10]
7. ADHD Is a Real, Valid Condition
[18:05 – 19:10]
- Kristen underlines the legitimacy of ADHD:
“ADHD is real. It’s not imaginary. It’s not a personality quirk. It’s not a made up diagnosis. It’s a medically recognized disorder of self regulation. Not everyone loves the word ‘disorder,’ and that’s okay... but if you feel validated by the word, use it.”
— Kristen Carder [18:20] - She references neuroimaging research showing physical differences in brains with ADHD.
8. Social Responses and Validation
[21:00 – 22:30]
- The only appropriate response to a loved one disclosing their ADHD diagnosis:
“Oh, wow. Tell me more. What does that mean for you? What’s the plan? How can I help? How can I support? Oh my gosh, that’s what we want so bad.”
— Kristen Carder [21:30] - Kristen gives examples of common, invalidating responses to avoid.
9. Healing in Community
[16:48 – 17:18]
- Testimonials from Focused coaching members highlight the profound relief in not needing to explain or mask within a supportive group.
“Whole community of people who have issues similar to you and no one judge you.”
— Focused Program Participant [16:50]
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
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On Universality and Debilitation:
“ADHD doesn’t create brand new problems. It exacerbates the universal problems.”
— Kristen Carder [06:00] -
On the Reality of ADHD:
“It’s not imaginary. It’s not a personality quirk. It’s a medically recognized disorder of self regulation.”
— Kristen Carder [18:20] -
The Everest Analogy:
“If we’re all on a trek up Mount Everest, I want you to think about the neurotypical brain having the proper gear for the climb... but the ADHD brain does not have the same set of tools. Or they have the tools, but... they’re in the fridge with my keys.”
— Kristen Carder [19:10] -
On Validating a Diagnosis Disclosure:
“A great response is, ‘Oh, wow. Tell me more. What does that mean for you? How can I support?’ That’s what we want so bad.”
— Kristen Carder [21:30] -
On the Power of Community:
“I can confidently say that this is one of the best decisions that I have made for myself.”
— Focused Program Participant [17:14]
Timestamps for Important Segments
- [04:40-08:00] — Why ADHD is hard to explain
- [09:48-10:25] — ADHDers’ loneliness and need for connection
- [12:00-13:20] — Knowing vs. doing: the real hurdle of ADHD
- [17:20-22:00] — Executive function breakdown & real-world impacts
- [21:00-22:30] — How to respond when someone discloses their ADHD
Tone & Style Highlights
Kristen’s delivery is warm, direct, and approachable, inflected with humor and vulnerability. She models how to have difficult conversations about ADHD, encourages curiosity, and gently challenges both ADHD and neurotypical listeners to invest in real understanding and connection.
Summary for New Listeners
This episode is both an educational primer and a heartfelt bridge-builder. Kristen Carder validates the lived experience of adults with ADHD while giving neurotypicals actionable ways to support and connect. Listeners come away with a deeper appreciation for the invisible challenges of ADHD, as well as practical language for opening supportive dialogues in their own relationships.