Michelle Collins Disobeys Bridger

Summary

I Said No Gifts! with Bridger Winegar

Episode: Michelle Collins Disobeys Bridger
Date: October 16, 2025
Guests: Bridger Winegar (host), Michelle Collins (guest)

Overview

In this episode, comedian and host Bridger Winegar welcomes the effortlessly witty Michelle Collins for a meandering, laugh-packed conversation about assertiveness, travel mishaps, justice sensitivity, ADHD, consumerism, and, of course, gifts. Michelle, true to show tradition, brings Bridger a gift—an intervention that sparks both genuine gratitude and riotous storytelling. The two traverse everything from the etiquette of airline boarding and clothing neatness, to the joys and oddities of American retail and Michelle’s accidental brush with viral New York history.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Standing Up for Yourself & Justice Sensitivity

• Opening Energy: Bridger is "disoriented" (00:55) after an awkward attempt to stand up for himself in public. He relates the story of confronting someone who cut in front of him at a café—a situation that left him uncomfortable and second-guessing.
• Michelle’s Perspective: Michelle, by contrast, says, “I always stand up for myself. I have personal problems because of it. It's not good.” (02:23)
  • She shares her own tale: confronting a man for skipping the boarding line at the airport and turning to a fellow rule-abiding stranger for solidarity (04:48).
  • On justice sensitivity (13:56), Michelle describes feeling compelled to intervene anytime she witnesses unfairness, not just toward herself but others—a trait she dubs “justice sensitivity” and links to ADHD.

“I'm the hero now. …There's a word for that. Mental illness, maybe narcissism. I don't know. I have it.” —Michelle Collins (05:34)

ADHD and Everyday Life

• Both discuss whether they might have ADHD, prompted by listener speculation and personal quirks:
  • Bridger: "I'll sit down to do something and then…there are nine other things I've gotten done before the initial task." (10:34)
  • Michelle: “I know also not diagnosed professionally, but I just, it's like, tick, tick, tick. Whenever I take those quizzes.” (10:21)
  • Conversations meander to organizational habits—messy drawers, neatness stereotypes, and the comfort in keeping some things chaotic (12:12).

Consumerism, Reviews, & Retail Therapy

• Retail Rituals & TJ Maxx Lore:
  • Michelle explains the "Runway TJ Maxx"—a designer section of the store found in affluent neighborhoods—and how she found her “most beautiful fitting sweater” there, only to lose it on her trip to LA (20:12).
  • Insight into the branding mystery: TK Maxx in Europe exists only because “England had a store called TJ’s...so they just said TK because it's next to it on the keyboard.” (19:40)
  • Bridger’s analysis: “Wonderful restaurant. Usually a wonderful clientele.” (06:33)
• Online Reviews—Niceness & Revenge:
  • Michelle leaves reviews for positive experiences (“I got the whole store to do it!” – 15:40), and Bridger admits to joining the online pile-on when a local restaurant let down the neighborhood (16:54).
  • Both recognize the satisfaction in writing one-star reviews—but also the virtue in balancing complaints with compliments.

“It feels better to be nice, right? Everybody in this day and age, it's nice. Be a little nice. Try it. It makes you feel good. It really does.” —Michelle Collins (17:14)

Travel, Clothes, and the Gift

• Losing the Dream Sweater (23:34): Michelle’s saga about losing her perfect Helmut Lang sweater leads to a desperate purchase at the airport—resulting in the gift for Bridger: a soft, surprisingly stylish New Jersey sweatshirt from Hudson News.
• Gift Unwrapping (25:18): The gift is revealed. Both gush over the unexpected quality and comedic fate: “First of all, I just want to comment. This is a sweatshirt, and it's so soft.” —Bridger (25:27)

House Rules & Cleanliness Philosophies

• The pair dissect rules about street clothes on sheets, NYC subway etiquette, and the superstition: “Ladies, especially, do not put your bag. I see people on the subway putting their backpacks on the floor. I'm like, are you up in the head?” (31:40)
• Germiness is good—up to a point.

America vs. Abroad: Humor & Warmth

• Michelle offers animated comparisons between American friendliness and her experiences living in Europe:
  • "It took me leaving this country to have a real appreciation for the American spirit." (34:49)
  • She revels in the chit-chat and candor found in American customer service and finds “crack” (fun) in English humor.

Mall & Black Friday Nostalgia

• Both share retail war stories—Michelle about loving Black Friday for the “bargain hunt” energy (38:47), Bridger recounting working at Best Buy during “hell on earth” Black Fridays (36:31).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Justice Sensitivity:

  “If I see other people being treated unfairly…I am the first. I love to step in. I will involve myself.” —Michelle (13:56)

• On Review Writing:

  “It can't be like, oh, the employee was mean. Who cares? A lot of employees are having bad days.” —Bridger (15:55)

• On Fashion and Sizing:

  “I'm 6'1". The sleeves are below the hand. I look like Ariana Grande. I've never had a sweater be so perfectly proportioned on my body.” —Michelle (21:20)

• On American Consumer Rituals:

  “There’s an uncanniness to being in a store at that time of night…it’s like a sleepover with a bunch of crazy strangers. And I miss that.” —Michelle (39:13, 39:18)

• On American vs. European Friendliness:

  "You go to London, all the men employed, all have suits on and nice ones. Not like Joseph A. Banks. Like, they look right.” —Michelle (29:36) “When you sit at Fridays and they go, how’s your day? When you take a seat…Bruce comes over and he goes, how was your day? And you go, don’t ask Bruce. And then you have a laugh, and he’s like, tell me about it.” —Michelle (35:53)

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The Game: Gift or a Curse (46:35)

• Contestants: Michelle Collins
• Bridger reads common situations; Michelle must judge if they are a "gift" or "curse."
• Highlights:
  • Setting your clock ahead? Michelle says "gift," Bridger says "curse" (47:04).
  • Scented dog groomer? Michelle says "curse," Bridger says "gift" if sweet; both riff on weird animal scents and mint aversion (48:15).
  • Finding your own hair in your meal? Both agree: "curse" (52:08).

“Curse. You’re correct. ...when it’s mine, the immediate feeling is shame.” —Bridger (53:13)

• Bonus: Is gifting cheese/jam/nuts a burden to non-cooks? Both think it's fine, perhaps a mild challenge, but never a burden (57:53).

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Listener Q&A (57:21+)

Q: Are food gifts (like nuts, cheese, or jam) a burden for non-cooks?
A: Michelle and Bridger both reassure—food gifts are thoughtful, not burdensome:

“Dairy’s expensive these days. I would love to get some fig jam and a big thing of brie.” —Michelle (59:06)

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Halloween & Holiday Tangents

• Hot debate about whether decorating a Christmas tree for Halloween is a “gift or a curse.” Both say curse, producer Annaliese says gift (62:33).
• Michelle laments the extension/overlap of holiday seasons: “Part of the joy of the Christmas season...is the specialness of saving joy for winter.” (63:36)
• Digs into holiday costume regrets, the dangers of going "topical," and the etiquette of telling people who they look like (67:51+).

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 03:40 — Airline boarding anxiety & etiquette
• 10:00 — ADHD talk, organizational quirks
• 13:56 — Justice sensitivity & righteous anger
• 19:40 — TJ Maxx/Runway stores explanation
• 23:34 — Michelle’s lost sweater saga begins
• 25:18 — Gift reveal: New Jersey sweatshirt
• 31:20 — House and cleanliness philosophies
• 34:49 — America vs. Europe: customer culture
• 36:31 — Black Friday/retail nostalgia
• 46:35 — Gift or a Curse game begins
• 57:21 — Listener Q&A: Food gifts for non-cooks
• 62:33 — Halloween-Christmas tree debate
• 67:51 — Halloween costume conversation / celebrity lookalike etiquette

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Section Summaries

Assertiveness and Justice

Both guests swap stories about the awkwardness and occasional necessity of speaking up in public, with Michelle seeing herself as a chronic "hero" of social mishaps, while Bridger expresses hesitation and discomfort in confrontation. Both discuss how this sense of justice might be related to personal quirks, like ADHD.

Retail Adventures and the Power of Stuff

A lost sweater leads to a saga of consumer woe and a stop at the "Neiman's of Newark" (Hudson News). Michelle's penchant for bargains, reviews, and the thrill of the hunt are explored through tales of Black Friday and mall explorations.

Gift Exchange and Meaning

The iconic moment: Michelle gifts Bridger a soft New Jersey hoodie, sparking not just appreciation but a series of jokes about destiny, fate, and the accidental cosmic symmetry of life (Bridger’s boyfriend is from Jersey).

Games & Rapid Fire Opinions

Through the recurring "Gift or a Curse" bit, Michelle and Bridger opine on clocks, scented dogs, loose hairs, and the etiquette of giving food as gifts—each answer revealing more about their neuroses than the items themselves.

Tangents & Deep Dives

From best Broadway shows and childhood Halloween costumes to the etiquette of telling someone who they resemble, the episode is chock-full of tangents delivered in Michelle’s signature blend of self-deprecation, warmth, and observational wit.

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Final Thoughts

Playful, surprising, and packed with quotable lines, this episode showcases the best of both host and guest—reveling in complaint, delight, and the little compensations life (and fellow New Jerseyans) sometimes offer.

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Not To Miss

“When you sit at Fridays and they go, how’s your day? … Bruce comes over and he goes, how was your day? And you go, don’t ask Bruce. And then you have a laugh, and he’s like, tell me about it.”
— Michelle Collins (35:53)

“Curse. You're correct. ...when it's mine, the immediate feeling is shame. I'm embarrassed. I'm like, oh, God. And I don't get to play the little detective of who could this hair be? Who do I get to blame?”
— Bridger Weiniger (53:13)

“It feels better to be nice... Try it. It makes you feel good. It really does.” — Michelle Collins (17:14)

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For full comedic catharsis, unlikely wisdom, and some deep retail gossip, this episode is a must-listen for fans of sharp, self-aware banter and the small rituals that shape our days.

Transcript

[Michelle Collins]

This is exactly right.

[Unidentified Guest (possibly a character or intro voice)]

When I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty handed. I said no gifts. Your presence is present enough and I already had too much stuff, so how do you dare disobey me?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Welcome to I said no gifts. I'm Bridger Weiniger, and I'm totally disoriented. I'm in the studio feeling normal and not normal and very off. And so that's the energy that I'm kind of trying to put out into the world. Why? Well, I have some bad news to report. Yesterday I stood up for myself. Somebody cut in front of me in line and I cleared my throat. And so I don't think that they'll ever do that again, you know, and I probably won't either because it was very uncomfortable and the ensuing confrontation. When I was asked, did we cut in front of you? I didn't want to have to answer that question. And I did. And then it was just a disaster. So from now on, just steamroll me, whatever. Is there anything else going on? Not as far as I can tell. I'm just. I think what's happening is they've started wrapping the Babybel cheese in paper and this is a new experience. I don't know if you've had the Babybel cheese in the past. It used to be a more crinkly paper or crinkly wrap, and. And now it's a paper. And now the rest of my life has been thrown off course. So before anything else bad happens, let's just get into the podcast. I love today's guest, It's Michelle Collins. Michelle, welcome to I said no gifts.

[Michelle Collins]

Bridger. It is like, psychically, you know me so well to even open with standing up for yourself, because I always stand up for myself.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You do?

[Michelle Collins]

Yes. I have personal problems because of it. It's not good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What are you standing up for yourself in minor situations?

[Michelle Collins]

Well, it happened to me, funny enough, and hello, listeners, and I'm so thrilled to be here. And I just. You put me in such a good, lovely place as a person.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, I've been wanting to have you here for years, but, you know, space and time and all these things get.

[Michelle Collins]

In the way, all those continuums. I always say that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Michelle Collins]

Well, anyway, I was coming here from New York where I was there for work and I was at the airport and actually this was in D.C. so, you know, there was like a different clientele in dc. I had a connection.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, right.

[Michelle Collins]

And I'm in line for United Airlines Group 1. Not to brag. I'm no dumb. I'm no Delta customer.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, I'm a United Airlines section seven usually.

[Michelle Collins]

Are you?

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is my.

[Michelle Collins]

What's your airline?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Literally any airline.

[Michelle Collins]

Is that right?

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I always ended up in either what section F or Section 8. So it's a tough. It's hard being me.

[Michelle Collins]

That does suck for you. I'm not gonna lie. Because the truth is I used to be like you. Always like, cheapest flight, done, done, done. Right. And then I made a decision. I'm gonna commit to one airline. It has backfired many times, but I will tell you that Group 1 boarding. It does. I'm a. I get stressed about things that haven't happened.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right?

[Michelle Collins]

So like boarding with a bunch of people, getting bag space. All these things will keep me up at night. The night before a flight.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. Of course.

[Michelle Collins]

I'm nuts.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I think that that's totally rational.

[Michelle Collins]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

When I'm standing in line, I'm already arguing with someone on the flight about, well, I need to put my bag in the overhead storage. I will not check the bag.

[Michelle Collins]

I check three bags and have overhead storage and an under the seat unless I'm in the exit row, which I usually am.

[Bridger Weiniger]

How are you alive?

[Michelle Collins]

This is what I'd like to. No, because, you know, I'm very buff. It's wheeling. It's wheeling the bags. I don't go to a gym. No yoga, nothing. And that's it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's entirely travel and luggage.

[Michelle Collins]

Entirely Samsonite based. Yes. But anyway, so I was waiting in group one. There was an elderly man in front of me. Easiest way to describe the man in front of me. And this is not meant in any good or bad way, like able bodied Stephen Hawking. He was about 95. Can I say that?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I have no idea, to be totally honest.

[Michelle Collins]

Same. That's why I'm confused. Leave it in. Anyway, he was but exactly the same face, same age, but standing. And anyway, behind us was a guy who had wrap around yellow tinted sunglasses.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, problem.

[Michelle Collins]

Already a problem. Possibly soul patch.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, younger wife or girlfriend they call group one, mind you, we are in line behind all the other ones. He walks not just around me, but around the old guy. I, big mouth, go, excuse me? I say to the old guy, I go, are you group one? He goes, yes. I go, me too. We're all in group one. Also, the assumption that I in my ASOS boot cuts would not be in group one. It offended me very deeply. I thought. I mean, I Didn't have makeup. How dare.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Dare you.

[Michelle Collins]

Go to hell.

[Bridger Weiniger]

How dare you. How did he respond?

[Michelle Collins]

Not well. And he got behind me, and then me and the old man. I said, the entitlement. Cause you have to always have to find a friend.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Michelle Collins]

You're right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Of course. Otherwise, everyone feels like everyone's looking at you, and it's just, well, no. We need everyone on my side now. I'm the hero.

[Michelle Collins]

I'm the hero.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I know this was uncomfortable for everyone, but I'm the hero now.

[Michelle Collins]

That's how I feel. That is. There's a word for that. Mental illness, maybe narcissism. I don't know. I have it. And then he was like, I know. And then we ended up sitting next to each other, me and the old man on the flight, and he offered me the oldest mint in history from his pocket. And I said, oh, I'm okay. And then he really wanted to talk to me, and it was my fault, but I was so tired. And then I kind of was like, wait, again, I'm the problem? Cause I initiated. I broke this.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, you created this whole world.

[Michelle Collins]

Anyway, the point is, I like to stand up for myself. I have hundreds of stories every day like that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I need to be better at it. But, you know, yesterday it was like, well, this just led to nothing. They already got to buy their thing. It's not like they got behind me.

[Michelle Collins]

Wait, they didn't get behind you?

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, they were done with their transaction.

[Michelle Collins]

Stop. Where were you?

[Bridger Weiniger]

It was at a place called Lemon Poppy Kitchen.

[Michelle Collins]

Lpk. Lpk? They got in front of you? I'm in shock. California Poppy Kitchen. I can't believe it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wonderful restaurant. Usually a wonderful clientele.

[Michelle Collins]

Wow.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I will say. My friends and I sat down to eat and we watched as they. Later on, they caught my eye, these people who had. But in front of me, they were getting into their car. It was not only like a Tesla suv, it was one of the doors that go up. And I thought, okay, well, I'm vindicated.

[Michelle Collins]

They have the DeLorean Tesla. You know what? The moment you said getting into their car, it used to be BMW. My go to a whole car. And I said, it's going to be a Tesla with the wings.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm in shock with the wings. You know, a lot of normal people are now driving Teslas, but when the come into play, there's a select group and they had a license plate that said, and I'm sorry, I feel bad even drawing this musical group into it, because it's not Their fault. Do you know this?

[Michelle Collins]

Of course they're perfectly good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But, like, these people that they've decided that's their license plate. I mean, everything about it was such a perfectly tied bow for me that I was just, like, good for me for clearing my throat.

[Michelle Collins]

Yes. Their minds have been rotted by ecstasy. I've decided. These are people who have been rotted, disemboweled by drug usage. And they can't even see lines. They don't even know what a line is anymore, except a very specific kind.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They swerved out of the parking lot and out of my life.

[Michelle Collins]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You know, maybe I should learn the right lesson from this. And it was okay for me to stand up.

[Michelle Collins]

I think it's fine for you. Listen, I'm all for people standing up when it's right. And I want you to know I've done wrong things. People have stood up to me, and I bowed out, tail between legs. I also know when to wow.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Is there any pushback from you when the person first approaches with your error? Cause I feel like that's my natural thing of, like, oh, well, I didn't do anything wrong. But naturally, you've done something wrong.

[Michelle Collins]

I feel like I've accidentally gotten in front of someone in a line. Oftentimes there's a mess of a line you don't realize. And then when there's a look thrown, I go, oh, my gosh, were you in line? And then I retreat. I mean, I'm the first one. I'll go to the very back of the line.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Have to punish yourself to prove a good person.

[Michelle Collins]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm off to jail.

[Michelle Collins]

I'm gonna actually just lock myself in jail. I go to Tesla, no ac. Lock the windows. They smash the window. It's fine. I don't mind.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do you have a lot of problems on planes in general? Cause you travel a lot more than I do, and I feel like I travel not that often, and I run into at least one situation on every flight.

[Michelle Collins]

Not too many problems? Honestly, no.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think I just have problems with people in general.

[Michelle Collins]

I don't see that for you. I could see that for me. Cause I'm very, like, you know, I'm painting myself to be the worst human alive. I'm also in a weird place today, so of all days to, like, be talking about myself. But you seem so easygoing. I can't see that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I love that I'm projecting anything close to that image to me.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah, you're not. What's your sign? Don't kill me for asking that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Can you guess? Try to guess.

[Michelle Collins]

Virgo.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm a Libra.

[Michelle Collins]

Libra. That's my moon. That's my moon.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sensitive. So what does that mean for me?

[Michelle Collins]

I don't know. Okay. I don't know. I'm a cancer with a Libra moon. So all I know is that I should be sobbing at every moment of the day.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. And I feel like that's kind of what I should be sobbing at every moment of every day.

[Michelle Collins]

I want to ask you a quick question. Do you have diagnosed or self diagnosed adhd?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. This is a very good question because the listeners are starting to ask.

[Michelle Collins]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Some listeners have reached out and been like, it sounds like you might have adhd. And then what I did with that information was just talk about it on the podcast and then did no research. I've looked or I've heard that when you think you have adhd, you just go to your GP or whatever and they ask you that list of question that's like, are you easily distracted? And, well, it's hard for me to say. I don't have anybody else's viewpoint. So I'm like, sure, yeah, I'm easily distracted, but it might just be a normal person. So I'm not sure how to actually drill down and see if I actually have adhd.

[Michelle Collins]

Well, I don't take medication really for it, but I know also not diagnosed professionally, but I just, it's like, tick, tick, tick. Whenever I take those quizzes. Can you fill a form out with no problem with ease?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like what sort of form?

[Michelle Collins]

For example, if you need to get your passport renewed, like, things like that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. I feel like I can fill out that sort of form.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I feel like, you know, I'll sit down to do something and then it. I mean, suddenly there are nine other things I've gotten done before the initial task. And I can't remember what listeners were like, bridger, that sounds like you have adhd. What? Like the symptom was. But more and more I feel like maybe I should look into it. But then I'm on medication, which is not a problem.

[Michelle Collins]

But are you on ADHD medication?

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I'm like, what does that do in general?

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah, I'll tell you. It's gonna make you focus, lock in, which is what I need. I mean, people are always like, write a book. I go, I can't even. I can write a blog post, if that makes sense. I can write something if I know that day it's going out there. Fabulous. But you're gonna tell me to Write into this vacuum of time.

[Bridger Weiniger]

See, that's my problem. Yeah. If I'm up against a very close deadline, sure, of course I'm going to do it. What other choice do I have?

[Michelle Collins]

And it'll be great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But if it's months away, well, I need to mop the counter. Well, I mop the counter so that I must have ADHD if I'm mopping counters.

[Michelle Collins]

You're gonna mop the counter? No, it is hot slop. If I have months to work on something, I'm just like, who cares about this? Do you leave piles of things around your house? Or you seem. I'm gonna say this, and this may be a stereotype. You do seem neat.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I am. I will say I'm neat. My siblings and I, there are four of us. There are two that are not neat. And then my other brother and I are very neat people. So. But I don't know. There's a bit of ADHD that runs.

[Michelle Collins]

In the family because the neatness goes against the ADHD brain. Like, I can be. I meet with food. I don't like having plates out. Like anything in the fridge. I like keeping it nice. I throw everything out. And I'm not a hoarder. Not to brag, but I will toss, I'll donate, get it out of the house. I also bring a lot of stuff in.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Michelle Collins]

And when, for example, let's say I'm running late for dinner, I come home, there's a pile of makeup, there's a pile of my clothes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, interesting.

[Michelle Collins]

And then I'm like, oh, that pile is there. Okay. So if you open up a drawer, perhaps it'll be like, I'll know what's in there, but it will not be container stored into something nice. It'll be a little bit.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, I have what is known in my home as the napkin drawer. And if you saw this thing, you might be able to diagnose 50 mental illnesses, because this is a disaster in a way that's. I can't defend myself in any possible way. It's just take out napkins when they're not used, I throw them in the drawer.

[Michelle Collins]

I like that. I do that sometimes, but I do it in the fork and knife drawer in the corner.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Michelle Collins]

Jersey Mike's. You'll see.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's almost like I've got Jersey Mike napkins. Are you kidding me?

[Michelle Collins]

They're not bad. Those are some good ones. You can peel them away and just see. Like, if I've gained weight, you'll know from the napkin drawer. You're like, this fish is eating. Yeah. Truly. It's like the rings on a tree, except it's like on my thigh. You're like, oh. The reason really why I asked about the ADHD is because this. And I've talked about this on my Patreon show, Plug, get over there. Thank you. Which is justice sensitivity. And it's something that I could never put into words why I was the way I was. I'm not only like that with myself. If I see other people being treated unfairly, especially people who are, you know, need maybe someone to stick up for them or whatever.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, Right.

[Michelle Collins]

I am the fir. I love to step in. I will involve myself.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Interesting.

[Michelle Collins]

And I learned within the past six months something called justice sensitivity that people with ADHD have where if they feel for themselves or someone else that something is unjust, it keeps me up at night. And that's really true. So someone's skipping in line. Oh, interesting. Yeah. And I can remember times when people have skipped me in line. One woman who was on the ph and I was like, excuse me, I was in a foreign country as well, so I think it was in Italy, whatever. And I said, you know, I'm standing here. And she was like, I'm with him. To some guy in front of her. It was actually clever. And I was like, you're not with him. I know you're not with him. You're on the phone. And she ordered in front of me. And I thought the Charles de Gaulle of this woman.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So rude.

[Michelle Collins]

So rude. And then I was with someone who was like, just let it go. And I was like, I can't let it go. Like, she got me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I do. Okay. I do that. I mean, I don't act on it. I don't do anything to rectify the situation. But yeah, that sort of thing will just ring around in my head for weeks.

[Michelle Collins]

Yes, me too. It's crazy. Or if, like, you know. But then again, if I've gotten great service in a store or if someone does a solid for me in a store, maybe a coupon, whatever. I don't even wait till I get to the car to leave a five star Google review.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, you're leaving reviews.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, I constantly boost people too. Cause I'm like, it's right. You gotta go both ways. You can't just complain. You also have to give.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Michelle Collins]

I'll scan QR codes. I bought a watch recently. It is a swatch. I have a theory. They're coming back. I don't really want to talk about it, but I got a swatch skin. Irony at the outlets in New York had the best experience there. These other people were debating a watch. They were with a different sales lady who also seemed nice. I was like, you got to buy the watch and you got to leave a review. And they bought it and left. We were all there leaving reviews. I got the whole store to do.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I will leave a review if I'm asked by the establishment or if I really love the place, but it's under a secret name. And I will also complain. I mean, but it has to be true injustice if I'm gonna complain.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, me too. I really try not to. I know I have to know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It goes. The problem goes all the way to the top. It can't be like, oh, the employee was mean. Who cares? A lot of employees are having bad days.

[Michelle Collins]

That's right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But if it feels like, oh, this is a company wide problem or something, tip tap, typing away, and I know it'll make no difference.

[Michelle Collins]

I think one of the bravest things we could ever do, and I'm not suggesting we do it now, is swap phones and read each other's one star Google reviews. I think that would be for me at least. It's so revelatory.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, I would feel so naked.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, I'm not comfortable with that. I'm sorry.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Even saying it. Maybe not absolutely more than I could.

[Michelle Collins]

I could pull them up and look and just panic right here. I know we're recording.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I know I could tell you. I know the last place I left a one star review. And it feels like the community is coming together to leave a lot of one star reviews for this particular restaurant that moved in. And it feels good to be part of the team. That's like, no, you're not going to move in and charge that much for a hamburger.

[Michelle Collins]

Wait, which restaurant is it?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I won't say it here.

[Michelle Collins]

Here in la.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Obviously it's here. It's in Highland Park.

[Michelle Collins]

Highland Park.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And it was new ownership and they just kind of flipped the business model and suddenly the neighborhood was just burning them down in a way that is comical. So I think that was the last time I left a review and it felt good.

[Michelle Collins]

Sometimes it does. I hate to say it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, it's a little revenge. A little something.

[Michelle Collins]

It feels better to be nice, right? Everybody in this day and age, it's nice. Be a little nice. Try it. It makes you feel good. It really does.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It does feel better to be nice.

[Michelle Collins]

Compliment people.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But when do you get an opportunity?

[Michelle Collins]

I talk to everybody. I'm really And I'm middle aged now, but I know that in 10, 20 years, when I officially am elderly, it's gonna be a problem. I already know. I know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're just like chatting up strangers constantly.

[Michelle Collins]

I talk.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, I wish I had that ability.

[Michelle Collins]

What'd you say?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I wish I had that ability.

[Michelle Collins]

You know, it's funny when people do it to me. I hate it. Isn't that interesting? I go crazy. I'm like, if someone's like, oh, I like that shirt. I'm like, uh huh, Cuckoo. Don't want to talk to them. But when I do it, I'm like, this is great. They're loving this.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think that's. I can see that, actually.

[Michelle Collins]

I mean, I'm nuts. Anyway, what else? What else is going on?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, I feel like there's. I'll tell you something else that's going on. It's not something I wanna talk about. It's not something I'm comfortable with. Michelle, I was excited to have you here on the podcast today. You know, it's been years in the works. I thought we'll have a wonderful time, It'll feel like this reunion, and then we'll go on with our lives.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The podcast is called I said no Gifts.

[Michelle Collins]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We came to an agreement that you'd be on the show. And I thought you would play by the rules. I thought you would have some level of dignity when you came on. And that was all kind wiped out when you walked into the studio holding what could not more clearly be. A gift.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Is it a gift for me?

[Michelle Collins]

It is.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. It's in a gorgeous purple bag. Should we open it here on the podcast?

[Michelle Collins]

Yes. But the bag in itself is a part of the gift.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, let's take a look at this.

[Michelle Collins]

I didn't even know that this was like a thing, but it is in a Runway TJ Maxx shopping bag. Now, before you open it, there's two things in here. One is my. They're the same thing, different sizes. Okay. One is mine. But that's why it's part of the story. It's part of the story. You got us leotards, I got us matching leotards. And we're going to Sochi. Honey, we would love.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What a team we would make. What a team, you and me.

[Michelle Collins]

Forget it, kid. I'd be tossing you into the stands. People wouldn't know what to do with themselves.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wait, so Runway, is this a new store?

[Michelle Collins]

Okay, so no. So listen, there are. It's actually all part of the story. I didn't even make, really, all the connections. It's all connected. Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Everything is.

[Michelle Collins]

Well, that's very true. I pass out. So TJ Maxx has a designer faction offshoot. One might even say, yes, Move it from your beautiful face. That they only have in certain stores, usually in sort of well to do, well heeled neighborhoods called Runway, where they get designer things. In Europe, where I lived for a couple of years, amazingly, they call it TK Maxx because England had a store called TJ's. Oh, interesting. They weren't allowed to call it TJ, so they just said TK because it's next to it on the keyboard. That's the only reason.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What does TJ stand for? Do we know?

[Michelle Collins]

I can't. My mind went somewhere dark, and I won't be able to say it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Annalise, look into that.

[Michelle Collins]

It must stand for, like, Theo James from Downton Abbey. Who would it stand for? Tommy Lee Jones? TLJ Max.

[Bridger Weiniger]

TJ Maxx. Okay. It was called TK Maxx.

[Michelle Collins]

TK Maxx in Europe, and I lived in Amsterdam, and they would get stuff from Prada. I mean, they would get, like, high and Brunello Cuccinelli. However you say it here, they get that too sometimes. But here in la, they have a lot of Runway Max stores. And in Miami, which is where I'm from originally, when I was home in Miami, a couple weeks ago, I found a sweater at the Runway Max in Boca Raton, Florida.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Incredible.

[Michelle Collins]

Have you been?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I haven't been to Boca Raton. I love saying it, though.

[Michelle Collins]

It is mellifluous. It is such a beautiful word to say. It's two words, really. But they have a fantastic Runway Max in Boca. Now, I should add, you gotta get.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Into the Boca Runway.

[Michelle Collins]

There's two really good ones, and this is like hot tea, as they say. Hot tj, I'm spilling the hot TJ Boca. And West Palm beach has a TK or TJ Maxx Runway. Mind blowing. That one is really untouched.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Michelle Collins]

So I go, I find literally the most beautiful fitting sweater I've ever found in my life. Okay. It is like. And I'm tall. I'm 6:1. The sleeves are below the hand. I look like Ariana Grande. I've never had a sweater be so perfectly proportioned on my body.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I run into similar problems.

[Michelle Collins]

I believe that, actually. Yes. And it's. When you find that thing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, it feels like, oh, maybe I am meant for this world.

[Michelle Collins]

I. Yes. I'm telling you that I talk about this because I also have big feet. I'm an 11. There are a lot of women who are elevens and we're painted to be some kind of freak. I don't think we are. It's 2 millimeters bigger than a size 9. I mean, it's not a big deal.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What is that in men's like a 9?

[Michelle Collins]

A US 9 and a half.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think I'm a 9 and my foot's not big.

[Michelle Collins]

That's what I'm saying.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, so we solved that problem.

[Michelle Collins]

Where's my camera? So listen, I like storm out. I rip the mic out of its.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm the tiniest woman who ever lived.

[Michelle Collins]

My head hits the light, I'm like, I have to get out of here. I feel trapped. Anyway, I hope I have two hours for the story. Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, please.

[Michelle Collins]

Okay. So I buy this sweater. It's from Helmuth Lang, German designer.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Familiar, are you not? No.

[Michelle Collins]

Very austere. I would say almost like poor man's Jill Sander. A little cheaper certainly because Jill's expensive. Anyway, get the sweater, take it back to New York. I'm like, this is my sweater of the winter. Like song of the summer. This is my sweater of the winter. I go to leave my apartment that I'm staying in, it's a sublet in New York to catch my flight to come here to la.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sure.

[Michelle Collins]

And I think, which sweater am I going to bring? I gotta bring my sweater this summer for the winter.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Of course, you need this coast needs to see it.

[Michelle Collins]

Exactly. It was my debut in this sweater.

[Bridger Weiniger]

West coast debut.

[Michelle Collins]

Yes. And also I like to usually look good at the airport. I guarantee you I like to look good at the airport. I like to dress.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I recently gave up on that.

[Michelle Collins]

You know what? I do find it makes the travel day better. I don't know how else to explain it. I usually like, I didn't have makeup on that day because I had an early flight, but I usually like to go with makeup and I just, I feel better. You never know who you'll sit next to.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right? That's true.

[Michelle Collins]

Future Today show story.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Michelle Collins]

I run downstairs, I'm on a two story walk up with my big ass, 70 pound Samsonite. Of course, my weekend dry. I put the sweater on top.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Kills me.

[Michelle Collins]

And my carry on that has all my equipment and everything in it. I go down to the Uber, I load up the Uber. Like, I don't know why I thought I loaded the Uber. Truly like a union member. I mean, I'm just like, all right, Charlie, back it up. Like I'm just in it. I'm in it. We get in the car, he starts driving away. Halfway to the airport, I realize my sweater fell out of my bag. You knew it was going there.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I didn't think, fall out of your bag in the apartment or.

[Michelle Collins]

I believe I'm almost a thousand. Listen, if I get back to the apartment and it's in that apartment, I'm going to like in Shawshank. Fall time. He's in the rain. Tears, tears. I'm 90% sure. Let's call it 95. That it fell out when I was loading the bag in. Cause I had it all tucked up and I was like, ready, you know, so what have I done while here? So, first of all, now this gets to your.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, should we open it?

[Michelle Collins]

Yes. But should I set it up before you open it?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Set it up.

[Michelle Collins]

The setup is now, I go to the airport. A girl has to be cozy on the plane. I also sit in the exit seat by the door. There's cracks. Okay. I'm the first one to get sucked out.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You feel the breeze. You certainly feel 10,000ft. You do.

[Michelle Collins]

It is colder by the exit seat.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, that's scary.

[Michelle Collins]

It is. I'm telling you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Seal that up. Get some coal.

[Michelle Collins]

Not on United. Not on those Seven Sevens.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Not on United States.

[Michelle Collins]

So I have to buy a sweatshirt at the airport.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, and which store do you turn to?

[Michelle Collins]

Well, folks, there is only one store, the Neiman's of Newark Hudson News. Maybe you've heard of it. Now, this was in Terminal A, which is actually nice. Newark Terminal. I'm a big defender of Newark Airport, but anyone who's flown in the past year or two knows that they have very specific sweatshirts now in every city. Now you can open up your gift.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Let's get into this.

[Michelle Collins]

It's the top one because there's two.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, there's one for you.

[Michelle Collins]

It's a buy two. It's a Bogo.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm sliding this across to you.

[Michelle Collins]

Yes, it's a Bogo. So should we open at the same time?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah.

[Michelle Collins]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. I mean, first of all, I just want to comment. This is a sweatshirt, and it's so soft.

[Michelle Collins]

Okay, this is part of the story, which is crazy. Here we go. Ready?

[Bridger Weiniger]

We're opening gorgeous New Jersey sweatshirts. I like this.

[Michelle Collins]

I knew you would.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's tasteful.

[Michelle Collins]

Wait, I agree.

[Bridger Weiniger]

My boyfriend's from New Jersey.

[Michelle Collins]

Are you joking? No. I'm actually not even being funny. This whole thing was meant to bring you that sweatshirt. That is how. I know I'm an agnostic, but I believe In God, when things like this happen.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The problem is he's Italian. He's from New Jersey. I'm famously anti both.

[Michelle Collins]

Huge mistake. I'm very pro both. I'm very pro New Jersey. I am a big Jersey fit.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm proud of New Jersey.

[Michelle Collins]

One of my favorite states in the United States. Wait, so look, I hope it fits. It's a medium or large? I didn't know. I got myself.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Should I put it on? I'll put it on for. Until I get hot.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah. I got myself the 2 XL. Does your boyfriend want this one? No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You want it? This will connect us.

[Michelle Collins]

That's sweet.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, two gay men cannot have matching anything.

[Michelle Collins]

Well, then I should give it back because, I mean, at this point. But you don't think this is kind of cute?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I really. And it feels soft. I can't believe it.

[Michelle Collins]

So here's the thing. Wait. It actually is so cute on you. I have to get out of the studio. I feel trapped. I feel trapped. Wait, no, I'm sorry. Producers. No, Bridger.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Let me get a look on Bridger. Look at me.

[Michelle Collins]

I'm, like, attracted to you. I know. I'm not being funny. I feel scared.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, you look like my boyfriend's out of town.

[Michelle Collins]

Wait, stop. I feel crazy. You look like you're about to like me in a frat house. And I'm very into it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is a good sweatshirt. And it's my color.

[Michelle Collins]

It's your color. So here's the thing. So they had this one. They had, like, navy with white stripes. But I have been obsessed with these because it's. I'll tell you how much I paid. Because it's part of it. How much do you think I paid for these?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, this is for two. I would say two sweatshirts is probably $80.

[Michelle Collins]

$34.99.

[Bridger Weiniger]

For two?

[Michelle Collins]

For two?

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's absurd.

[Michelle Collins]

Stupid.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Whoa.

[Michelle Collins]

This is what I'm saying. To hire me to influence. To get all the people. Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

None of that makes any sense at all.

[Michelle Collins]

And it's embroidered. I need to also put.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's not just printed on here.

[Michelle Collins]

Nice.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Something's wrong at that airport. They have a leak. They have a leak.

[Michelle Collins]

So then. Wait. So now I have to wear this now? It's adorable on you. On me it is.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Because it looks what it is.

[Michelle Collins]

It's not great. I mean, I also got a huge size. I just looked. I'm in jeans. I just looked. By the time I got off the flight. You know, I always say Val Kilmer, back from the beyond. So anyway, I Get into la, I'm wearing this. I go to Budget, Rent a Car to get my shitty rental. Even though I also love Budget. I like things that are, like, a little shitty. I never. That's why I like United.

[Bridger Weiniger]

A little texture.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah. Like, I don't want to go to, like, Alamo. Give me Budget. Give me a car with, like, some issues. That's how I am. So. So anyway, I get to Budget, and I walk in, and the guy working there is. He would be a fan of yours. Okay. If you know what I'm saying. And he's like, hello. And I go, hi. I go, as a joke. Cause I always have to be funny. And I'm unbearable. I go, don't judge me. I go, I was forced to buy this. I lost my sweater. I go, do you like it? He went, no. I said, you don't like it? And I was kind of, like, setting him up, obviously. But I was like, you don't like it? He goes, it does nothing for your figure. And I was like, you're right. He was right. Anyway. But I will keep this. Also. Mine then smelled. I don't know, mine smells, like, a little oily. Yours smelled good. I sniffed it before I gave. It smells nice.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Fantastic, actually.

[Michelle Collins]

I'm really happy you like it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I can lounge around the house. I wonder what sort of pants I could combine this with.

[Michelle Collins]

Probably jeans off, white sweatpants, if you really want to go there. Jeans, Hot.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is something I could wear to the airport, too, because I've recently gotten to soft, comfortable things to wear at the airport, rather than I'm someone who wears their outfit for the day. Up and until bedtime, up until I'm going to get in bed.

[Michelle Collins]

Is that right?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Even when I'm sitting watching tv, I'm loosening up a little bit. I've gotten a lot of flack for, like, Bridger. You're at home and you're not going anywhere else. Why wouldn't you put on sweatpants or something? But for whatever reason, I needed to be fully dressed until the absolute end of the day for up until just recently. So the fact that I go to the airport in sweatpants is a real shock to my lifestyle.

[Michelle Collins]

It's a growth pattern, and I like it. For you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. It might be. It's a journey I might get back to head towards, like, wearing a suit to the airport.

[Michelle Collins]

Well, listen, you know, this is my issue with Americans in general is that men here never wear suits. You never see a man in a suit. You go to London, all the men employed, all have suits on and nice ones. Not like Joseph A. Banks. Like, they look right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They're really like, this is my uniform. I'm gonna take care of it.

[Michelle Collins]

Yes, but I also think women should dress up. I'm not only point. I think it's time we start dressing up again.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow. I like to put myself together, but I don't like to wear. I think because I grew up in a church, I like. I bristle at wearing too much dressing, too much dress clothes.

[Michelle Collins]

I can understand that. I think I would have thrived in a church setting. As far as it's not too late.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Michelle, let's get you back.

[Michelle Collins]

You know, hey, listen, by the way. All right. I'm down for anything. I love a Catholic. I think if I were to convert, I would convert to Catholicism.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Catholicism, Knowing everything we know.

[Michelle Collins]

Sorry. I love a bit of glitz.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I can't help. I mean, if you do love glamour, there's no other religion for you.

[Michelle Collins]

Hello. Are you kidding me? I love it. I love Italy. I love. Oh, my God. I like Ireland. Like, I have even.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No other religion is doing what Catholicism is doing. As far as glam.

[Michelle Collins]

The pope wore red loafers. You know that? I remember that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, my. Of course. Who could forget?

[Michelle Collins]

I mean, forget Prada. Oh, I love it. I love Italy so much. I was just there for a wedding. You would have had the best time in that sweatshirt.

[Bridger Weiniger]

In the sweatshirt.

[Michelle Collins]

I can't even tell you, like, the fact that you like this sweatshirt. I'm not playing this up for the show. This is what will make me. This is gonna get me through my day. My question about wearing house clothes in the house.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Michelle Collins]

See, I'm not a germaphobe. And actually, I think that one of the reasons why I do get sick, obviously. But, like, I've had an okay year. Knock on wood with not getting a cold so far. Like a real one.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, Right.

[Michelle Collins]

Verge. Verge. And then I get better. But I, like, wear my shoes in the house. Like, my dirty New York shoes. Not always. I don't stomp around the bed in them or anything. But, like, I'll forget. I'll come in, I'll drop bags off. Or, like, shopping bags that have been on the floor will come into the house. I will not put my purse on the ground. I have a big rule about this bad luck. Oh.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, I didn't know that. Well, that. That explains my entire life.

[Michelle Collins]

Money flies out. That's what they say. Never. Ladies, especially, do not put your bag. I see people on the subway putting their backpacks on the floor. I'm like, are you up in the head? Okay, yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's very common.

[Michelle Collins]

Even the rats are like this. They're like, we're not putting our backs on the floor.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank you.

[Michelle Collins]

Bursts up in the air. For the rest anyway. But I really do think that a little bit of germiness is good for you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, sure. Like exposing small children to germs so they can grow up. You know, their resistance.

[Michelle Collins]

I think a little duty bug here and there is good for you. However, I don't like to get under the covers in. I'll sit on the couch in my street clothes, but I really will not get under. I won't touch my sheets in my street clothes. Right, you do that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I will not. I'll lie on the top cuff.

[Michelle Collins]

Interesting.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I won't. He's pushing it a little. And this is in la, so in New York, that might be a different story.

[Michelle Collins]

That's fair.

[Bridger Weiniger]

If I'm under the covers in my street clothes, something has gone horribly wrong, either emotionally or physically.

[Michelle Collins]

You're gonna crawl in in your jersey?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. Like, it's over. I'm in jeans in bed. Oh, no. But what I don't like is when people really flinch. When you, like, sit down on a bed in your jeans. It's like. Like it's. What are we talking. What are you doing in your jeans that's so filthy that you're having that reaction? Relax.

[Michelle Collins]

Wash your blanket. Have you heard of it? You can just throw it in the wash. No, people have lost it altogether.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. I mean, unless you were dealing with, like, biohazard material in your jeans. Go ahead, sit on the comforter, which.

[Michelle Collins]

On the subway you are, to be fair.

[Bridger Weiniger]

On the subway. And again, that's a whole different situation.

[Michelle Collins]

I shoved a strange woman last week and a young girl, because I was on the subway. There was a puddle on the seat next to me. Small, clear puddle.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, no.

[Michelle Collins]

Probably water. Whatever. So I had. I had a little bag from a place called Manja. You know this place?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wait, Manga. No, I don't think I do know this place.

[Michelle Collins]

I almost brought your sweatshirt in a Manja bag. And then I thought. Cause I have that here too. But I was like, no, I'll bring it out. Delicious sandwiches, hit or miss. Anyway, so wait. It's like my lemon poppy kitchen of New York.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, sure.

[Michelle Collins]

So I have my bag kind of resting on the seat, but, you know, it's a big poo poo to take a seat up with your bag, obviously. You look like a terrible person.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes, yes. Yes.

[Michelle Collins]

So the train is filling, and this girl. And I'm like, I don't want her to think that I'm putting my bag here instead of her. So I move it to indicate, hey, this is open. And flashed. Gordon. In two seconds, she comes over and goes to put her ass in this water. And I. She had very, very long hair. And I literally. I touched this woman's hair. I didn't like that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Good for you.

[Michelle Collins]

But I pushed. I pushed her back. I went, don't. And she looked at me and I went, there's a puddle. And then we were the best of friends. Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So she was okay with it.

[Michelle Collins]

I mean, she should have been kissing my feet. Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I feel like in New York, that behavior is kind of okay. Everybody's a little bit. Like, a lot of things are a disaster. We watch out for each other.

[Michelle Collins]

You have to. That's why I do love New York and people in New York. Down for a laugh. Americans in general. It took me leaving this country to have a real appreciation for the American spirit. And I really mean that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Really?

[Michelle Collins]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow. What's going on in other countries? I've never really noticed this. Like, I haven't spent extended amounts of time in other countries. Just humorlessness.

[Michelle Collins]

Not everywhere. Italians can be funny. I was in Rome for this wedding. I mentioned it. How many times can I bring it up? Can we set a countdown? Just tick every time I bring it up. But I usually. I had never really had a great time in Rome. And this trip, I had the best time. And everybody was nice. Like, just. It was. I think. Cause it wasn't so touristy. It was September.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, sure, sure.

[Michelle Collins]

Highly recommend. But no, I lived in. You could call it a Scandinavian country. The Netherlands or adjacent. And nice people. Some were very funny. I have Dutch friends, great people. And this goes in England, too. I think that when you walk into a store here or a restaurant, whatever, they want to know about your day. When you sit at Fridays and they go, how's your day? When you take a seat, you recline and your local tgis and, you know, Bruce comes over and he goes, how was your day? And you go, don't ask Bruce. And then you have a laugh, and he's like, tell me about it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You both get it.

[Michelle Collins]

You get it. You go, go home soon. I always end my favorite thing to do. I'm an unbearable person. Two things. One, and I've talked about this on my show, is that when it's Black Friday time, the quickest way to ingratiate yourself with a shopkeep is go. You work on Black Friday the whole week leading up. It's my Christmas. I go, you work on Black Friday. They love it. They go, yes. Yes or no? They either go, thank God, no. Or they go, can you imagine? Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What a great conversation starter. The checkout line.

[Michelle Collins]

You work in Black Friday, you get discounts. I'm telling you, they want to emote about Black Friday.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I love this. Of course, I've worked Black Friday before. It was hell on earth. Where Best Buy.

[Michelle Collins]

I'm. I can't believe what you're saying.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Imagine standing.

[Michelle Collins]

You were at Best Buy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't know. I can't believe I'm saying this. Oh, yeah, I love it. I was at Best Buy and I worked at Black Friday. It was hell on Earth.

[Michelle Collins]

And this was, I'm gonna guess. Cause I feel like now Black Friday has changed. And now it's like online cyber Monday, blah, blah, blah. But there were times for those too young to remember where Black Friday was. Gang fights, middle fingers, lines, tents. It was like the new Star Wars. Like everyone went nuts.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Was it then peak Black Friday time? I would say. I would say right before its, you know, slow decline. I stood in the exact same place for probably nine hours, just ringing up the same computer over and over and over. They put me back near the washing machines.

[Michelle Collins]

That's a good place to be though, don't you think?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Who's finding that not very pleasant? There's not much to look at.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah, I could see that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But Black Friday is not a pleasant time to be working, so that's a great thing to bring up.

[Michelle Collins]

Well, I had a retail job, but I think it was 98. J. Crew. I was in high school.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sure.

[Michelle Collins]

And then my mom worked at the same store, but I think as she was older, I don't think they put her on the Black Friday shift. I'm almost sure. Cause she was in her 60s and they knew better. Like full. Trampled. Trampled, yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, no, no.

[Michelle Collins]

Whatever happened to trampling?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, we've got to get back to trampling.

[Michelle Collins]

We're gonna go trampling in a minute. I'm sorry.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Clear the herd, Charlotte.

[Michelle Collins]

Trampling. We need to bring trampling back. You know, why keep people on their toes when people have gotten too comfortable shopping? Absolutely not.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We need to strike the fear of trampling back into America.

[Michelle Collins]

Yes. Bring some rhinoceri in. I say we gotta Jumanji these people back into shape.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The day this is released, there will be nine tramplings.

[Michelle Collins]

I mean, really, that's the thing. And that's Every time I do something two days later, people are like. I'm like, wait, this is pre. The famed stampede of 2025.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Historical trampling. We should. So we're October 6th. Let's just mark the date. We're talking about trampling on October 6th. Just to be clear.

[Michelle Collins]

It's like a hostage video. Yes, very smart. October 6th. I used to go see. I actually love Black Friday as a consumer. Back in its heyday.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Michelle Collins]

Not for the best buy of it all. Cause that was like I didn't want to actually get shot. But as someone who really loves you could say consumerism. I mean, I love the Bargain Hunt for me, more than a bargain.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I love Bargain Hunt.

[Michelle Collins]

That's my life. For me it's like the hunt. It's like my own personal game show. And I love game shows. So it kind of all tracks. I just like shopping at 3 in the morning. I think it's so fun to be up in the middle of the night. And this was always in Miami, going to Sawgrass Mills, one of the best outlet malls in the nation and world. And just seeing babies up at 3:30 in the morning. And the parents, they all bring the suitcases and they load them up with Adidas and things to bring back to, you know, Brazil or wherever.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There's an uncanniness to being in a store at that time of night. And it's just like, oh, this feels.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah, it's like an ultimate sleepover. Yes. It's like a sleepover with a bunch of crazy strangers. And I miss that. I do. Cause now they don't keep the malls open late at night anymore.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, it's all over. The wonderful days of everything being bad on Black Friday are done.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah, what the hell. But no, Americans are nice. Going back, circling back. We are friendly, humor loving people. When you keep politics out of it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I feel like I would thrive in. In another country.

[Michelle Collins]

Where would you like to go?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean in a Scandinavian country, I feel like I would that sort of social atmosphere, I'd be perfectly fine.

[Michelle Collins]

I could see that. But you know, you say that and I don't think you realize how when you have grown up here and how used to the warmth you are it really for me and I had an amazing time there. I would go back like I'm not like shitting on their people. Cause I've gotten flackered by this before. But for me it did slowly chip away at my spirit. I'm being.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're a different woman.

[Michelle Collins]

I'm being serious though. In London it's better. Cause the English are always. They're always drunk and they're always down for an lol. They love a little bit of a laugh. The crack, you know? But.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow. Well, is there anything left to say about this beautiful sweatshirt?

[Michelle Collins]

I wish.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Have you spent much time in Jersey?

[Michelle Collins]

Here and there I have.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. I think it's really underrated. I grew up in a state that was a real butt of jokes, Utah. So I always kind of, you know, when New Jersey was also. I felt a kinship for New Jersey.

[Michelle Collins]

I actually got canceled by New Jersey years ago.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You got canceled by New Jersey?

[Michelle Collins]

I haven't thought about this.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What happened?

[Michelle Collins]

Okay. I hope it's clear that I love New Jersey and that this was clearly a joke, but you're gonna like this. So before I was a comedian right out of college, I was a legal secretary. Okay. And I was blogging secretly. That was, like, how I kind of got my start.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wonderful.

[Michelle Collins]

Thank you. That's the story.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What an incredible story. Thank you so much for being here, Michelle.

[Michelle Collins]

No. And there was a famous day in New York that may ring a bell for you, where the whole city smelled like maple syrup. Do you remember this?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yes. Yeah, of course.

[Michelle Collins]

So did you know that I broke that story?

[Bridger Weiniger]

No way.

[Michelle Collins]

Yes. And I was the very first mention. I think maybe someone on the radio said it maybe before me, but I was, like, the first written mention. The first one brave enough to go public and say, hey, sniff, sniff. The whole city smells like maple syrup. And I knew this because I worked down on Wall street again. Secretary. It always sounds like I had some big job. I was, like, eating Alpo out of the can. I worked out on Wall street, but I lived near Columbia uptown. And so I used to walk home or, like, walk halfway home as my exercise. And the whole walk, I'm like, stinks like maple syrup. And then I had roommates, and I got home, and my roommate, Sarah Smollen, was like, hi, Sarah. Still friends with her. She was like, it smells like syrup. Our room smelled like.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's not a smell you want to smell disbodied from food. Pancakes have to be nearby.

[Michelle Collins]

It actually was sickening. It was nauseating. And I wrote about it. And fast forward. The New York Times contacted me for a quote, because I was the very first blogger to write about this. This would have been in whenever that happened. 2005 or 6. 2005. I know how I know. And I said something along the lines of, well, we just figured that stench was coming from New Jersey, where most stenches originate. From I made a joke about New Jersey being smelly or having industrial waste, which it does, for the record. I love it, but it just doesn't. Well, this is the thing. And people got. I remember they got pissed at me. But that story was why I got fired from my job, by the way.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's amazing. Yeah.

[Michelle Collins]

Because my boss saw it and was like, are you blogging from here? And I went, no. And I think I didn't get fired. Excuse me. I ended up quitting to go work at VH1. But that was like, the breaking point.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank you. Maple syrup. Did they ever figure it out?

[Michelle Collins]

I don't think they did. I think a reporter, years later tried to find out, and they do believe, correct me if I'm wrong, that it was a chemical spill.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow. I think chemicals smell like. Maybe it was, you know, natural flavoring or whatever.

[Michelle Collins]

Those delicious chemicals get to me. I look like two faced. They're like, girl, did you get in the chemicals again? I'm like, you caught me. I love Chemmis.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, you owe everything to New Jersey.

[Michelle Collins]

Actually, in a way, yes. So my apologies to New Jersey. I have spent a lot of money in your state. I love Bergen. I love grammar.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Big mall with the ski jump or whatever.

[Michelle Collins]

The American dream.

[Bridger Weiniger]

American dream, which is a tough name for a mall that's failing.

[Michelle Collins]

It is failing. Right. I know. Have you ever been to the Mall of America?

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I've never been to either of these malls. I was obsessed with them as a kid. I was like, I want to go to the biggest mall. But you don't really. Your parents don't really have a reason to vacation near one of those malls.

[Michelle Collins]

No. You don't miss anything.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Vacation destination. Maybe I'll get to the American dream at some point. I'm back in Jersey every once in a while. Oh, yeah?

[Michelle Collins]

Where in Jersey is your boyfriend from?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Lyndhurst.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, sure. Lyndhurst. Great. Costco's in New Jersey. New Jersey is a where. I believe I got Covid for the first time at a Costco in Wayne. And also, they have the best. I just. I really am pro Jersey. If I had to move back to New York, I would live in Jersey.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Probably a lot of people do.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, I think we should play a game.

[Michelle Collins]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We're gonna play a game called gift or a curse. But I need a number between one and 10 for.

[Michelle Collins]

I have to go. I'll go eight.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. I have to do some light calculating to get our game pieces. So right now you can promote, recommend, do whatever you Want?

[Michelle Collins]

Well, I have a show nearly every day on my Patreon. It's called the Michelle Collins show, patreon.com mishcall. You can also go to my Instagram ishcall and link it there. I also have a live show in New York, October 22nd at Joe's Pub called Wait, why don't I know you? I had one here in la. It sold out. I did five shows at Joe's Pub. They nearly sold out. And then they were such a rousing success that they gave me another night. And it's really. I'm proud of it, and I think people should come see it. It's funny.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Everybody go see Michelle and listen to Michelle. Use your Internet to figure it out.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah, I think you'd enjoy it. If you like this, if you like this. This is what it is. Basically every day. It's just stupidity. No offense.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wonderful.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, this is a very smart show, Michelle. People learn. This is. I say it over and over. It's a utility. Ultimately, they're getting their news from this. Let's check in with Annaliese. I want to see if TJ Maxx ever got. If we ever got to the bottom of what TJ stands for.

[Anneliese Nelson]

Nobody knows.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Nobody knows. It's a mystery.

[Michelle Collins]

Is it? Yeah.

[Anneliese Nelson]

I tried to dig. There's some theories around, but not anything that's concrete.

[Michelle Collins]

It's just kind of vague. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow. T.J. maxx needs to speak to that. It's time that they come clean on what TJ stands for.

[Michelle Collins]

Especially what with the popularity of Trader Joe's, you would think they would want to differentiate themselves.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Unless it is Trader Joe's. And then they're like, we cannot let this get out to the public. This could ruin everything.

[Michelle Collins]

It's the maximum. Trader Joe's. Just. You go in, they do have a lot of food items.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You get in the checkout line, you're gonna be buying some caramel corn, you're gonna be buying some X brand chocolate.

[Michelle Collins]

You know, it's really funny. And then I swear. So I literally am there every day. I love it. It's fun for me. It's like my museum. And they had pumpkin spice, cheesecake, popcorn. And I actually thought, the devil is among us. I couldn't believe that that was something that someone thought. There's a market for this.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Where does the cheesecake come in at that? The pumpkin spice. I get it. Like, you throw the seasoning on it, but then we're getting into, like, dairy tanginess.

[Michelle Collins]

I don't understand it. The creaminess I don't like it at all. Sorry.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank you. Okay, this is how we play Gift or a curse. I'm going to name three things. You're gonna tell me if they're a gift or a curse and why. And then I'll tell you if you're right or wrong because there are correct answers.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh. Oh, my God. Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

All right. Number one. This is from a listener named Kendra. Gift or a curse. Setting your clock a few minutes fast to trick yourself into being on time.

[Michelle Collins]

Gift.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Why?

[Michelle Collins]

I have worked on myself, but I used to be chronically late, even though technically I was also late today. But I told you guys.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, you were.

[Michelle Collins]

Yes, yes, I was on time for the new time, put it that way. But as someone who does run late and is constantly trying to improve, I do think that that does work, and I have no issue with it at all.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wrong curse. The trick here, I will say is we're tricking ourselves. It works for maybe a month, and then you get used to it. And then it's just now you're just living by that time, and you're probably less on time to places because your clock's all screwed up. You've totally bent what you believe time is, and you've taken yourself out of society. You need to get it back. I know. It might work once. It'll probably work total a month. Then the trick doesn't work anymore.

[Michelle Collins]

You're mistaken.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's a bad, bad thing to do.

[Michelle Collins]

Typical of a former Best Buy employee to state such lies. I like it. We're not talking like 10 minutes or talking two, three minutes in the range. It helps.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're wrong, okay? You're wrong. You didn't get the point. Okay? But that's fine. Let's see if you do any better. Okay, the second one is from a listener named Dan. Gift or a curse. Perfumes at the dog groomer, for example, cotton candy, pumpkin spice, et cetera.

[Michelle Collins]

Now, I don't have a dog. Pumpkin spice. I'm mad. I have to say Curse.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Why?

[Michelle Collins]

Now listen, I love dogs. When I was at the outlets the other day, these people came with nine Pomeranians. And if you don't think I did a 25 minute set for every employee there about it, they were on the floor. And you can call the store for proof. But I don't think that dogs should smell unnatural. I think that they should smell soapy. I love a soap scent. I like a clean dog, believe me. I don't love a wet dog smell.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Michelle Collins]

Who does? But I do think that it is chemically and unnatural.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. Wrong. Michelle, I'm so sorry to hear this. Look on a human. No human should smell like a food when it's a. When the soap smells like food for people. No, thank you for the dog. I love the dog to smell like a treat. I talk to my dog like she's a cookie. Anyway, I think bring her back smelling like. What's a food?

[Michelle Collins]

Rigatoni. I don't know why they came to mind.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, not rigatoni. As long as it's not a savory food.

[Michelle Collins]

A sweet food.

[Bridger Weiniger]

A sweet food.

[Michelle Collins]

We were just talking about maple syrup smell. Smelling horrible.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There's no way Starlight mint. I'd love my dog to smell like starlight mint.

[Michelle Collins]

You think that and you're wrong. One time I stayed in a hotel which was so minty that my eyes were on fire and I had to leave in the morning. This is a true story. And people. I had a show at the time and people were. I used to have one now too, by the way. But the people who listened to me were like, that was a rat infested hotel and they were using mint to get rid of rats. And so you think you want minty smell, but you don't trust me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, no. You heard that the rats are stepped down. Kathy.

[Michelle Collins]

She did. That's my new job. I'm like, oh, opening. And the rats are. The rats are step down. She's not doing a good job at the place I'm staying.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She's not doing a good job. Well, she's not. She's no longer there, so I guess she's.

[Michelle Collins]

Well, I have to stomp my feet walking back to this apartment building to get all the rats out of the way. I'm coming down there stomping. I'm stomping the. The yard bridge.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, God. Well, she's done rat czarring. Maybe she'll come to LA to rat czar. I don't know.

[Michelle Collins]

Do they have a lot of rats here?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, my God. I've seen, I think, as many rats, if not more in LA than in New York. I've had some bad interactions with rats in la.

[Michelle Collins]

That's a shame because I remember I love opossum.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay? I've recently, like, I don't love them, but I've recently stopped fearing them as much.

[Michelle Collins]

They're so sweet and cute.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I watched a video the other day of someone just petting it, putting his hand in its mouth. They did nothing.

[Michelle Collins]

They're the cutest. There was one, I think she passed away Named Heidi, who was cross eyed. Can we pull up? Have you ever seen her? She's famous.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No. You see, Heidi, can we put.

[Michelle Collins]

You must pull up Heidi. Heidi was a famous cross eyed possum. She may have been an opossum. Cause I know they're different, so please. I'm no different.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They're different.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I thought that people just had given up on saying opossum, like when they're.

[Michelle Collins]

Like singing like, opossum, my possum.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I figured we all knew it was opossum, but we were just like, well, we'll just say possum.

[Michelle Collins]

No, I think it's. We'll pull it up. But Heidi, the. Look at her.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's real.

[Michelle Collins]

Yes, she is an opossum. Excuse me. Look. She's so funny. I think she passed the cutest rip and they used to put her in little outfits. Heidi was a true star.

[Bridger Weiniger]

My entry point for possums was the babies. Once you see a baby possum, you're like, okay, I'm starting to get what a weird little freak you are. God bless.

[Michelle Collins]

They're so cute. Also, baby skunks. I love that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, a baby skunk. Forget about it.

[Michelle Collins]

I'm locked and loaded in. There are just some animals, like baby donkeys. You know, Angelica Houston has a donkey farm, and I think she's doing life the way I would like to do it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She's got a lot of donkeys.

[Michelle Collins]

She does. Isn't that fun?

[Bridger Weiniger]

What does she do with them? She just feeds them and pets them.

[Michelle Collins]

Hangs out with them, cleans up their little blueberry duties, you know, For Angelica.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. She's so great.

[Michelle Collins]

I love her.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. Okay. You've gotten zero so far.

[Michelle Collins]

Great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Tough to hear.

[Michelle Collins]

Great. So glad I drove all the way to the valley to get Zero Sweat.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're not taking the sweatshirt back. So I don't want it.

[Michelle Collins]

I have my own.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This final one is from a listener named Antonia. Gift or a curse? Finding a piece of hair in your food that you can immediately tell is yours.

[Michelle Collins]

Curse?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Why?

[Michelle Collins]

Listen, I don't care. You know, where do you even begin? I just. Finding hair in food is. Excuse me. Sometimes you have short hair, so you wouldn't necessarily know this, but sometimes women, you know, my hair falls out quite a bit. Oh, yeah. In fact, there's for sure hair on me as we speak.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Michelle Collins]

Nobody wants to pull a hair out because the shock, the ice cold blood that runs through your system in the figuring out period of whose hair is this? You know, to quote Seinfeld, when they bought the babka. And Elaine goes, well, it's a short hair. And Jerry goes, do you think that makes it better? I mean, it's just. It's a hair. So hair. I thought you were gonna say, cause this I could be. See, as a gift. Finding a hair in a meal you didn't like and then having a reason to send it back and then be like, you know what? I'm so nauseous.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I need to carry a little plastic bag of hair around with me.

[Michelle Collins]

You just pluck one for me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Just drop it in there. Well, I can't. You know, my hair isn't gonna work. They'll know immediately that it's my hair.

[Michelle Collins]

That's true. I'll give you. How many do you need?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'll cut some of your hair after this.

[Michelle Collins]

Feathers. What do you need? I have so much shit flying off of me today, it's not even funny. I think you have sweatshirt lint on your head. I just noticed it. Yeah, you got it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank you.

[Michelle Collins]

You're welcome.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's my treat to the listener and the viewer. Curse. You're correct. It's an absolute curse. I would much rather it be somebody else's. Because when it's mine, the immediate feeling is shame. I'm embarrassed. I'm like, oh, God. And I don't get to play the little detective of who could this hare be? Who do I get to blame? That's what I ultimately care about when I find a hair in my food is getting to blame another person 1000. To be robbed of that opportunity and have a hair in your food. No, thank you.

[Michelle Collins]

I also have real issues with restaurants that feel comfortable serving food with onion skin and salt sprouts. Why fool me into thinking, you know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sometimes there's onion skin.

[Michelle Collins]

Now, listen, sometimes, you know, when you slice an onion.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Michelle Collins]

And you get those little, like, invisi skins between the rings.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. Of course.

[Michelle Collins]

So sometimes in salads, they chop it up, but the invisi skins stay in.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow, that's a sloppy restaurant.

[Michelle Collins]

I won't name what recently happened to me. Subway Artist, my ass. It's me doing Chicago. And anyway. Yeah. And sprouts. Very anti. Sprouts.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I like a sprout on a sandwich on occasion, but I feel like it's a. You're playing a very dangerous game with food poisoning.

[Michelle Collins]

First of all, it is a prime. You're basically eating a primal mound of doody Bug. I mean, it's so full of duty.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Bugs. Yeah.

[Michelle Collins]

And then just everything about sprouts.

[Bridger Weiniger]

If we could find a Way to really make sure those are clean. Sure. But, you know, you hear stories and there's always a news report that they're poisoning people. And ultimately for what? It's not that good.

[Michelle Collins]

I have a question for you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What?

[Michelle Collins]

Not to flip the script here and be the host. You walk by a restaurant, they have a B grade. You go in or no, I'll go in. Okay, same.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And that's great. I actually think a B grade restaurant, you know, they're probably. The food's probably a little better. They're concerned about the food. They're not concerned about the exact. Keeping everything in order.

[Michelle Collins]

So I agree with you. Cause I was supposed to have dinner or had dinner with my friend. We just didn't go where we intended to go with a friend a couple days ago. And he. There was a B grade. She went, I won't go in. I said, you're joking. She goes, her boyfriend is a manager at a restaurant. She goes, you don't understand how many infractions they have to get to get the B.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Really.

[Michelle Collins]

Like, even when they get the A, they're not perfect. Like, you know, certain things aren't stored whatever. To go down A grade. Things are bad below a B. You're dealing in true.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. What's happening with the C? Why is the C allowed to remain open? Why are we. Why is the B allowed? Why is it allowed also go in the B? You know, I believe in redemption, and I feel like the B, maybe they're trying their best to get back to an A and they. They're aware of the problems now.

[Michelle Collins]

Well, that's not saying. Listen, there was a restaurant in Fort Lauderdale. I'm dying to say the name.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You can say it.

[Michelle Collins]

Can I? Sure. Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We'll figure this out later. We might have to beep it eventually, but.

[Michelle Collins]

So there's a restaurant in Fort Lauderdale called. But it's gorgeous. It's like waterfront. You see the boats passing. It's like, really, on a magical day in Florida, you can really feel happy. There was an article my mom sent to me that, like, I think it had roach chefs. I think the chefs were. It was a roach chef. It was roachatouille. They had roaches. There were so many roaches found there. And I. I had eaten there probably like three or four times in my lifetime. So of course I'm like, well, now we can never go back. But then it's like, no, but now they're not going to be. There's not going to be a roach. Like, they have to. Yeah, Now's the time to go to.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right? Because I feel like the A restaurants, they're riding high. They. They're not looking at their problems at all. They're not even thinking about it.

[Michelle Collins]

No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They're cruising along and the roaches are sneaking in. Meanwhile, Bea is swatting them as soon as they appear.

[Michelle Collins]

That looks like my face when I read that article. Do you see those two holes in that mouth? It's just so funny. I just.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It looks like a ninja turtle.

[Michelle Collins]

It really does.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This will go to Instagram eventually and it'll be so compelling.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, people are going to love it. Look at your nice phone case.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, it's falling apart.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, you got one out of three.

[Michelle Collins]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's a perfect grade.

[Michelle Collins]

Sounds good to me. State school, here I come.

[Bridger Weiniger]

All right, well, we should answer a listener question.

[Michelle Collins]

So let's headphone time.

[Bridger Weiniger]

People are writing in. They're sending voice notes to. I said no giftsmail.com. we're going to answer a question. Anneliese, will you play the question?

[Liz from Milton, Delaware]

Hello, Bridger and lucky guest. I'm Liz from Milton, Delaware. I was wondering, if someone gives a gift, such as nuts or cheese or jam to someone who's not. Not a cook or doesn't really care to be in the kitchen, is that a burden because that person then needs to buy crackers or bread or has to think of an idea for that item and maybe they don't want to. Or is it really truly a gift because you're providing them with something to eat? Thanks in advance, Tristan.

[Michelle Collins]

I'm so happy her opening was so warm because I'm not going to tear her apart as a result.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do you feel like tearing her apart?

[Michelle Collins]

There is an instinct within me that says of all the questions to ask in the world, I've never gotten a food. Funny enough, my mind goes somewhere else if I get a food gift where I'm like, they think. Cause I eat a lot, you know, I'm so sick. As a woman who's grown up a millennial. No. This is how broken I am. So. No, I mean, imagine you get a. First of all, who's giving blocks of cheese as a gift? Is my thing. If you already, you know, if you come to someone's home, sure. With some cheese, there's an assumption that there's a cracker in the Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. They'd be wrong about me. I don't have any crackers in my house, but I like to eat a cheese. I don't see any problem. I feel like she's got a Problem with this. Why else would she have sent the voice note? And she's got a huge problem with it. I don't cook. Bring me a jam. I'll find something to spread that on. I might eat it with a spoon.

[Michelle Collins]

I also don't cook. I'm happy you don't.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, I'm not happy or proud, but it's my life.

[Michelle Collins]

This is the adhd, you know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, you think so?

[Michelle Collins]

I really do.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, interesting.

[Michelle Collins]

Because I can't get it together to cook. I'm like, I don't know what this is. I gotta go. And I leave. But I thought her question was gonna be, do you clear that they don't have a nut allergy? I thought she was going an allergen route.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Michelle Collins]

So for her to then suggest that buying a cracker is such a burden for a generous. Listen, dairy's expensive these days. I would love to get some fig jam and a big thing of brie.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'll go out and buy some bread if I get that.

[Michelle Collins]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's not a burden for me.

[Michelle Collins]

Give me a baguette anytime. Baguette out of here. I genuinely. My mind is so rotted. But no, I. She was such a nice girl and a beautiful voice. I enjoyed listening to her. So I'm gonna let it go. But no, I think that's fine.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think that's perfectly fine. I welcome any. You know, as someone who's received literally every type of gift at this point. Oh, yeah, somebody brought a little jar of jam. I'll figure it out.

[Michelle Collins]

Have you ever seen Six Degrees of Separation?

[Bridger Weiniger]

No. What? I didn't. I just thought that was like a concept.

[Michelle Collins]

No. Oh, my. One of the. Well, it was a play, but then it was turned into a movie with Will Smith stalker Channing Donald Sutherland. O. Oh, my God.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I just learned about this. And Will Smith plays like a gay character.

[Michelle Collins]

Yes, he does.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right?

[Michelle Collins]

Anthony Michael Hall. I believe it was written by John Guare. And I just had to throw that out there. Cause it was killing me that I didn't remember who wrote it. But it's essentially Will Smith is cosplaying as a wealthy Upper east side guy and befriends the super rich families. These, like, nose in the air Upper east side families. But one of the things they do is pot of jam. You know that if you have to buy a gift for someone, you get them a pot of jam. And it's just. It's actually considered one of the most elegant gifts you can really buy. According to this movie from the 1980s.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow. I agree. Because a good jam is much better than a bad jam. A bad jam. I have no interest in that.

[Michelle Collins]

I've had bad jam.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I've had bad jam. And I've had. My mom makes jam.

[Michelle Collins]

Does she? Ooh.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Incredible. Raspberry jam.

[Michelle Collins]

Really? There's a difference with a seed.

[Bridger Weiniger]

With the seed.

[Michelle Collins]

Interesting.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Delicious. Tart. Most like that. Most jam you buy is too sweet.

[Michelle Collins]

I. I love a tart jam. I love. I'm not a chocolate person, so I like an apricot, an orange, a nectarine. Like a fresh nectarine. That's heaven for me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Take people jam. I think that's the answer to the question.

[Michelle Collins]

Jam. And see. You have to see 6 degrees.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is the second time it's come up in two months. So.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, it's. The movie's coming for one of the great soundtracks. The best acting. You'll recognize half. Anthony Rapp is in it. J.J. abrams is in it. It's just got everybody.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Interesting. Okay, Well, I feel like we answered the question perfectly.

[Michelle Collins]

Me too.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I Now I'm not even hot in this sweatshirt. By the way. I usually get very warm in here.

[Michelle Collins]

It's garbage. This is what I'm trying to say. I was freezing on the flight. I'm like this polyester piece of shit. $17.50 for what? Is that the only question?

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's the only question.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, that's it. That's not the whole show.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's. The show's over.

[Michelle Collins]

We've barely. I'm pulling feathers out here. Like, crotch here. We barely even hit the hour. I thought we barely hit an hour. Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I've lost. I'm telling you, I have totally lost track of time. Michelle, In a way, something's going on. My biological, like, internal clock used to be Swiss accurate. You know, I thought we had just gone the regular length of an episode.

[Michelle Collins]

Well. Cause I make time pass so fast. But it sounds to me like I deserve a second point for changing the time on a watch well list.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Listen, we can. Anneliese has a gift or a curse. We can do.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Anneliese is gonna read us their gift or a curse. And we both have to answer. Anneliese. Do you know what it is? We weren't wearing the headphones.

[Anneliese Nelson]

Gift or a curse? Decorating your Christmas tree for Halloween.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, well, my mind hurts from that one. I'm not gonna lie. That gave me a little bit of a brain pain.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Have you seen this happen before?

[Michelle Collins]

No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Michelle Collins]

Can you. I'm sorry. When do you put the Christmas tree up?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, well, that's a great question. That is a very good question. I feel like there is one person I follow on Instagram who's out of her mind, and I've spoken about her on this podcast a lot of times, and she has her Christmas tree up at times, at least until Valentine's Day. It becomes a Valentine's Day tree.

[Michelle Collins]

A real tree, or it has to be a fake tree.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It must be fake. Otherwise she's begging for a home fire.

[Michelle Collins]

You know, needles galore. What is this, train spotting three? I mean, we can't have that. Okay, go on.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So I feel like there is a culture of this, and so I wonder if there's some feeling of, like, well, we'll put up the tree, then we won't have to take. It'll already be up for Christmas, but we'll do Halloween. I mean, what do you think? Gift or a curse?

[Michelle Collins]

Listen to me. Look. Part of the joy of the Christmas season, which I do partake in gladly, is the specialness of saving joy for winter. You have to save joy and lights. I mean, that's what makes visiting, like, New York or London or a town that gets Christmassy. That's what makes it fun. You get to go in November, late November, December, see the lights. And then January comes, and they wax that. They rip it out from under you. They go, no, no, it's over. So that you can appreciate it while it's up.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right? Right.

[Michelle Collins]

So to me, I think putting your tree up in October is sick, especially now that it's so warm in October, number one. But, like, also, save the joy, make it special. So I think decorating also Halloween is a wicked holiday.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, you're famously kind of. You don't celebrate any holidays. You feel like this is a satanic.

[Michelle Collins]

You know, you have a point. I don't really celebrate. Wait, hold on. I don't really celebrate holidays. Hold on a second. No, I actually do celebrate, like, New Year's Christmas. I, like. I don't celebrate Christmas for religious reasons, but as an American, I celebrate it for.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's fun.

[Michelle Collins]

It's fun. It's just fun to, you know, get dressed and things like that. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So you're saying curse. Yes, I think I tend to agree with that curse, and I think it's kind of in the same realm. We're doing this to Halloween now, where it's like, people are starting to decorate for Halloween in August, and now we're combining it with Christmas with the decorations. Now this is no longer special. Nobody knows what this means. It's not. The Christmas tree's not scary. It's gotta be spooky. You've gotta have a spooky decoration.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah. That's why they're selling skeletons my size at Home Depot. Put it on your house. If you care so much about Halloween, go buy some cotton. Put some spiderwebs up.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. On October 1st. And have those things down November 1st. I don't care what else is going on in your. Keep it together. I can barely tell what time it is, ever. I can't be driving past Halloween decorations mid September.

[Michelle Collins]

When I see those spirit Halloweens pop up in August. I'm like, sickos. Anyone buying your costume in August is sick in the head. I don't wanna see skulls in August. I don't like it. I don't like skulls in general. Cause I don't like. It's a wicked holiday. I don't even like getting dressed up for Halloween. People always think. Cause I'm like a funny girl and I like to laugh. They always go, you must love Halloween. Hate. I love to perform. Hate Halloween. It's like how I hate SantaCon. There's just certain events.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, who. Who among us likes SantaCon?

[Michelle Collins]

But there is a commonality there, because it's people who, the whole year, they're a little quiet, and I respect it. If this is their time to shine, then do it. But it's just not my time. You know, they use Halloween. They're like, this is the night. I'm gonna slut it up. I'm gonna really go nuts. It's like New Year's, you know? And I think that's great. If that's how you let loose, Fantastic. For me, that's the night that I want to truly stay in bed, in my street clothes, under the covers, shoes on, and not leave the house.

[Bridger Weiniger]

When am I gonna get a holiday to slut it up? I don't get where's my holiday for slutting around.

[Michelle Collins]

Well, isn't that like pride? Don't be mad.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, am I wrong? I feel like pride's not even for me. They've kicked me out of the community. They're keeping me at arm's length.

[Michelle Collins]

What happened?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'll go with Arbor Day.

[Michelle Collins]

That is tree Holiday. You can't steal my holiday. I've gotten nothing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I have nothing.

[Michelle Collins]

I will not allow you to impinge and infringe on Arbor Day. What about. There's got to be something for you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Let's see.

[Michelle Collins]

President's Day. You look like you could say I.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Could get slutty on President's Day.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm not Irish, so I don't get St. Patrick's Day.

[Michelle Collins]

What's your background?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Scottish, English? German.

[Michelle Collins]

Can you get your English back? Passport.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I should look into that.

[Michelle Collins]

You really should. And then marry me. Sorry, boyfriend. We'll have this episode as proof. When we fell in love. When we show to the government, I'm like, no. This was the moment.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sparks flew.

[Michelle Collins]

We cut the pride stuff out. I'm like, no. He. We locked eyes in our jersey sweatshirts. And we knew it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We consummated the marriage with this audio in the studio. Well, I'm gonna look into a holiday to get slow. I'll find it. Yes. I'll find Easter.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, that's an easy one. Easter is an easy one.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Rabbit costume now.

[Michelle Collins]

You know what? Even saying that, I'm like, wait, maybe I do need to sled it up on Halloween. I'm gonna be in Miami on Halloween.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What was the last Halloween costume you had?

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, my God. I gotta rack my brain. What was the last Halloween? I remember that I spent a lot of time. I was going to a party. This was years ago, probably pre Covid.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Michelle Collins]

And I thought it would be funny. Now, mind you, this was in, like, 2019. I have to defend myself, but I thought it would be funny instead of being a basic bitch to be a basic witch. So I bought Uggs. I went to a T shirt shop, and I made the Starbucks logo with a witch hat. I was like, girl, you are so funny. In my mind, it was the only time I've ever really put effort into a costume. Couldn't have been a bigger loser on Halloween. I mean, it was, oh, I put a Starbucks cupper on a broom. I was like, this is so funny. People are gonna love my basic witch. And then even having to say basic witch was a humiliation ritual.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Awful tough to hear.

[Michelle Collins]

Hated every second of it. I was like, this is why I hate this holiday. When I was little, I had some cute little costumes. I was a freaky kid. Okay, so I was Skeletor one year.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, I like a Skeletor.

[Michelle Collins]

Classic Garfield. I was Pee Wee. Like, I was like, a bit of a little weirdo.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, right, right.

[Michelle Collins]

Still am.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, you should dress up this year.

[Michelle Collins]

I know. What should I be? Pee Wee again. I love me some peewee.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Gotta buy a suit, though. I mean, it requires. That's an expensive costume, actually.

[Michelle Collins]

I know. Back in my day, it was from Toys R Us. It was like an April tie on it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. Potentially a plastic Paul Rubens face.

[Anneliese Nelson]

Or something.

[Michelle Collins]

Literally, what I had.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right?

[Michelle Collins]

It could be Ed Gein. I don't know what's in the news these days.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What did Ed wear?

[Michelle Collins]

Skin.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I thought, you're making a big mistake here. Which is going topical. Don't go topical on Halloween. You will regret it every time. Cause you'll look back and be like, oh, my God. What was I thinking?

[Michelle Collins]

Remember when I was Michael Dukakis? No one liked that. Everybody went, what is she thinking? And I said, this is gonna be it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is the year you should be Michael Dukakis.

[Michelle Collins]

Actually, yes. This is Marilyn Quayle. That's a good one.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There you go.

[Michelle Collins]

Spraying hairspray in my mouth. I'm like, I'm a drunk. What was her thing? I mean, I was like 10 when that happened. So this is me. Really?

[Bridger Weiniger]

What did she do?

[Michelle Collins]

She was an alcoholic, and she used to drink Hairspray. Oh, wow. Yeah. I remember, even as a kid, I was like, bad bitch. I love it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And you would drink Hairspray with the aerosol?

[Michelle Collins]

Yes. Because I think that they were. This is. By the way, I'm now lying. I don't know if this is what happened at all. She definitely drank Hairspray, that I remember. But my theory is obviously that she. She was dangerous around the sauce. And so they sauce freed the house. And then she was like, well, gotta get a work can. And then grabbed a White Rain can and went to town.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And we don't consider that huffing.

[Michelle Collins]

No. Cause it's spraying. She was drinking it. Have you ever killed a bug with hairspray? I have.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I haven't. But it's.

[Michelle Collins]

It works.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It seems kind of humane.

[Michelle Collins]

I think so, too. Make them beautiful and then stomp em out.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Freeze them in time.

[Unidentified Guest (possibly a character or intro voice)]

Yes.

[Michelle Collins]

Stunning. What are you gonna be for Halloween, Bridger?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I have no plans this year here. Not in the movies.

[Michelle Collins]

Come to Miami. I have a big apartment. I'm doing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We can lie under the covers in our jeans.

[Michelle Collins]

Wait, I would love. Perfect for the government. They'll love that. Be like we were cozied up on Halloween. Hold on. We're getting somewhere. Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We're building a story. We're building a narrative.

[Michelle Collins]

Everyone has a story. Love her. I could be Kathy Lee Gifford. What would be a good costume? This is hard.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Last year, I went as Jessica Chastain. Just trying to run a few errands, and it worked perfectly.

[Michelle Collins]

Funny.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It worked perfectly. All I had to do was essentially put on a wig and some athleisure and get a target bag. Bam.

[Michelle Collins]

That is good. Were you her in Molly's game or which version of this game.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I was her out on the town. Just everyone leave me alone. I just need to do a quick target trip. That's who I was. And it worked. I mean, I did have to explain it to every single person, which has its ups and downs, but I think I got the costume correctly.

[Michelle Collins]

Yeah, I like that a lot. I think it's hard being a celebrity, though.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Not for me. I pick a red headed woman and I'm on my way.

[Michelle Collins]

I gotta pick a lady with big bones. Who would that be? Don't say it. I'm gonna be mad. Whatever you say, I'm gonna be offended.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We should have a quick conversation. I feel like there should at least be an annual reminder to every single person on earth no one ever wants to hear who they look like.

[Michelle Collins]

No, don't say it. Honestly.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Why in the world would you ever tell somebody that?

[Michelle Collins]

Let me tell you something. It backfires every time I think the. Like sometimes people will say when they think is nice and I'm like, all right. But I won't even. I'm not gonna say. But it's like. It's tough, right?

[Bridger Weiniger]

You just don't like to hear it. And then you start thinking like, oh, what feature are they zeroing in on? It will unsettle you for weeks.

[Michelle Collins]

Weeks.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Unless it is objectively the most beautiful person alive.

[Michelle Collins]

No one wants to hear a thousand percent.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And it's shocking how many people don't know that.

[Michelle Collins]

Listen, I've done it, I said to people, I'm sure, because sometimes. But in my mind, it's always someone I find attractive.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Everybody has their type. And your type might be unattractive to.

[Michelle Collins]

The person, by the way, to most. Now we're getting somewhere. Actually, yes, that is my type.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's just a trap. It's a trap for everybody. So that's a reminder. How did we get here? No one ever knows on this podcast.

[Michelle Collins]

Where do we go from here? Did you see Rachel Ziegler singing at her concert at the Palladium? Interesting.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No.

[Michelle Collins]

Good. Very good. I mean, she's a real born and bred talent, that Rachel. She's very good. Really Blew her pipes on every song, you know, there was not a moment of. She sang stars from Les Mis.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You know, I love it. Okay, sure, sure.

[Michelle Collins]

I know every word.

[Bridger Weiniger]

My boyfriend was toured with Les Mis. No.

[Michelle Collins]

As who?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thenardier.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh my God.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Master of the house.

[Michelle Collins]

He's that funny.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He's a funny man. Yeah.

[Michelle Collins]

Whole on. I'm seeing Les Mis tomorrow night here in LA? Oh, no way. Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The 20th 20's not in it.

[Michelle Collins]

I was saying, wouldn't that be so exciting? I love it. You wanna come?

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, you're busy. I've seen it once. That's enough for me. It's a long show.

[Michelle Collins]

Woo, not long enough. Call up Schoenberg and Boublil. Cause I've got notes I say more songs, more pain. I need, I need. You know what I saw? Can I say one last thing and only. Cause I really love the show. I spread the gospel of the show to every show I go on. Everyone I meet. Are you gonna be in London anytime soon?

[Bridger Weiniger]

No. I wish.

[Michelle Collins]

Why not?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I have no reason to be there.

[Michelle Collins]

Well, anyway, next time you go to London, listener and you. You gotta see Oliver Bridger.

[Bridger Weiniger]

People love Oliver.

[Michelle Collins]

I hate children, you know that. I thought I don't want to see it. I don't care. And I went, almost as a favor, I went because a friend had tickets and said, do you want to go see it? And I thought, well, I guess for free. I'll go to anything for free. And I went. By the end, I was buying merch. I was crazed. I was like out of my head at Oliver. I think it might be. Hello Dolly is one of the greatest shows I've seen live.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Did you see what? That I was too poor.

[Michelle Collins]

I saw it with Donna Murphy, but it was just as good. I saw it with Gavin and Beanie and everybody. But it was Donna. Donna was great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I got to see Bette. Sheer luck. Unbelievable.

[Michelle Collins]

I mean like a birthday party. You're so. It was. I couldn't afford the tickets.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Were like.

[Michelle Collins]

I was like, we got a deal.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We got a deal.

[Michelle Collins]

Thank God I have no connections, so I had no deal. But I saw hello Dolly. Les Mis is one of my top of all time. But it was top three easily of best live shows ever.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, I'm gonna have to look into all.

[Michelle Collins]

You have no clue what you're getting.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yourself to listen to.

[Michelle Collins]

Listen to the original with Jonathan Pryce. It'll really get you in the mood. And I gotta say everyone. Those kids. I would have a child. I would. If I could guarantee talent. I'm being deadly serious. If you could tell me, Michelle, have a child and then in 5, 6 years, 10, 15, 20 years, your kid will be blowing hole. That's not what I want to say. Blowing their pipes on a West End stage. Forget it in a second.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Roll the dice. See if it happens.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, I couldn't possibly. Thank God for our parents are so blessed.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Of course they get to watch us.

[Michelle Collins]

Do what we do.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Shine. This is my parents, Oliver. This podcast.

[Michelle Collins]

I love it so much. Okay, I'm done. We can wrap now. Thank you. I got the extra time I needed.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I'm so happy.

[Michelle Collins]

I had the best time.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank you. So. I'm so happy to have the sweatshirt. I'm so happy we actually got to do the podcast.

[Michelle Collins]

Me too. I want to ask you, though, when you get gifts, do you ever not like the gift that people give you?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, I get a lot of crap.

[Michelle Collins]

And you say it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

If it's really a bad item, we'll discuss how bad it is.

[Michelle Collins]

Got it. Okay, good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You know, usually it's, like, at least something cute or interesting enough to display or something, but occasionally it's something that just has to be shoved in a cupboard. I hate that there have been some real. There have been, like, I think, three bomb gifts, which I won't say. Which. No, leave that up to the listener to guess. I. But otherwise, it's something to talk about.

[Michelle Collins]

What's the best gift you've gotten?

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's a very good question.

[Michelle Collins]

Have you always been. Is that, like, a common one?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Probably. I feel like it's a tie. I would say for practicality. I got a car garbage can from the comedy writer John Milstein, and it's changed my life. The other thing that felt. I'm never getting married. I have no interest in getting married, and I'm so jealous of people who get married and get to get appliances. They don't need Cola Scola gave me a very nice waffle maker.

[Michelle Collins]

Wow. We love us some cola Scola. I mean, of course Cole brought the best gift.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's truly one of these things where she's like, I would have never considered purchasing this waffle maker. And now I have this. Nice.

[Michelle Collins]

You use it?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I've used it a couple.

[Michelle Collins]

I mean, I've on. Now. You're gonna use this more than. I don't care who has won a Tony on the show. I don't care what awards Cole has won. They'll have meaning. I'm sorry. I've won an award in my time, and I think that you will get more use out of your New Jersey sweatshirt than I am.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm gonna make a waffle in this sweatshirt. All right. I'd like to see it do everybody proud.

[Michelle Collins]

That's sweet. Okay, I'll accept. Thank you. Well, thank you so much for having me. And I adore you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I adore you plenty of.

[Anneliese Nelson]

Before we exit, let it be known. Let the record show that you're both incorrect. And that decorating tree for Halloween is, in fact, a gift really completely forgotten.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Michelle Collins]

We should be so selfish. Go on.

[Anneliese Nelson]

No, listen, I am. I am a big Halloween head, though, so I. I don't. I really do have a horse in this race. I love being able to celebrate it for a little bit longer than we have.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like a string. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

[Michelle Collins]

Can I ask the following question?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Well, it's up to Anneliese.

[Michelle Collins]

You get some.

[Liz from Milton, Delaware]

Cool.

[Anneliese Nelson]

I have some good incandescent lights that are purple and orange. I get some spooky decorations.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You think because you're behind that glass, you're safe.

[Michelle Collins]

Oh, I know I am.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I know I am.

[Michelle Collins]

Annalies, can I ask you a question? Sure. Are you particular about where you buy your Halloween accoutrement or decor? Like, will you go to Michaels, or is that beneath you?

[Anneliese Nelson]

Are you kidding? I love a Michaels.

[Michelle Collins]

I figured she did. Isn't that funny? And I want to ask another question. Do you think your obsession with Halloween is connected to any trauma from your childhood?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think it is for everybody.

[Michelle Collins]

It has to be. I mean, that's why I don't like it. You know what I mean? Probably. Yeah.

[Anneliese Nelson]

I. I think everybody has their own reasons for liking scary things. I think for me, it is a little bit of like, I am an anxious person, and it is like it's controlled fear. It's like it's. And honestly, to bring it full circle to the beginning of the podcast, surprised you don't like it more because Halloween in a lot of films are all about standing up for yourself, so.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, interesting.

[Michelle Collins]

There you go. We're gonna have to talk about that on a later episode because I'm not seeing the connection there, but I adore and I love you and thanks for having me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank you for being here and listener the podcast. You know, it's over, you know, yet you kind of got tricked. But this is the final part of the podcast where I say goodbye. I kick you out of the boat, and you learn to swim. I love you. Goodbye. I said no Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer is Anneliese Nelson, and our episode are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolliday. The theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. And we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cotner. You must follow the show on Instagram at isaidnogifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see the gifts.

[Unidentified Guest (possibly a character or intro voice)]

Clear when You're a guest in my home. You got to come to me empty handed. I said no guest. Your presence is presence enough. And I already had too much stuff. So how do you dare disobey me?

[Michelle Collins]

Sa.