So… After writing this article, I watched a documentary on child labor in Philippine gold mining. It put things in perspective and my problems now feel so puny. If you can, please take the time to watch it. 💕

Public speaking has always been a gut-twisting source of cringe. Around strangers, self-consciousness and the pressure to sound articulate bubble up to a boil then leave me and my nerves in shambles.

The aftereffects include a wealth of new “why’d I say that” memories that make me go “D’oh!” at random times—while washing dishes, crossing the street, drinking with friends…😖

“D’oh! Why’d I say thaaat?!”

It’s why I started the podcast I Suck at Smalltalk. It's also one of the darker reasons for turning to writing, which serves as a comfort zone because it allows me the time to find the perfect words.

Strangely enough, I’m less self-conscious speaking broken Spanish than fluent English. Not being a native Spanish speaker is the perfect excuse for my lack of eloquence—a card I can’t pull in English. I'm a writer, for crying out loud!😩

ICYDK, the two official languages of the Philippines are Filipino and English.

Shutting Down My Inner Critic

“Just shut up, Janine.”

This ultra-annoying and mababaw (meaning shallow) rant about my long and winding public speaking struggle is brought to you by my recent new side hustle: being a legitimate tour guide in San Sebastian. (I've only completed 2.5 official tours for an agency and I’ve already spiraled into self-loathing. WTF?!)

My first tour solo was a tough one. Everything seemed to go wrong, from bars closing at odd times to my brain short-circuiting. I regretted words as soon as they spilled out of my mouth. Geez!

I’m getting flashbacks of the tour followed by awkward moments as a Myx VJ and events host.🤪 Time to whack myself with the cringe-stick!

I also remember working in sales, interviewing and pitching to executives. And the time I had to take the microphone in a radio show with former senator Bam Aquino because his usual co-host was out… My goodness!

There are too many embarrassing public speaking moments haunting me from my memory bank. 👻 Social anxiety is real. 😮‍💨

I cling ever-so-tightly to the kind words of those who believe in me and see my potential. 🥰 Eskerrikasko to Tita Bettina and Tito Jojo, who cheered for my touring skills when they came to Donostia to get hitched. Gracias to former boss-man Bobby and his lively expat crew who braved the rain to pintxo-hop around the Old Town with me. Special thanks to Osane from Devour Tours for taking a chance on this wannabe-extrovert…

I will also cling on to my day job as a content writer. Ha!😅

So what kung barok?!

Barok. It's a Filipino word that means "broken" or "unrefined" in the context of speaking. Basically, it's speaking with grammatical errors. 🙊 It doesn’t just describe a sentence, but a person.

Not just: “You speak barok-ly.”

But: “You are barok.”

I've been guilty of judging people based on how they speak and write, which is probably why I punish myself for every grammatical error.

But learning a new language has taught me that the manner and form in which someone speaks (grammar, accent, words chosen, etc.) should come a distant second to the ideas they're communicating.

There have been companies, teams, and amazing people that have looked passed my lack of eloquence, even my barok-ness, to see the value of my ideas and stories. Why shouldn’t I do the same?

Not to say that I’ll stop trying to perfectly shape a message for its audience. It’s what I do; and it’s important work!

But in my day-to-day conversations, I hope to consciously look past the manner in which people speak and seek to understand what they are trying to relay. And if you ever think I'm not following through, I'd appreciate you kindly calling me out on it. 🤗 Keep me accountable!

Embracing Imperfectionism

I didn't realize how many thoughts I had about writing and the struggle to find the perfect words. 👈 That perfectionism has become a debilitating barrier to me putting myself out there. I tend to hide away when I feel like I’m not at my best.

But perfectionism can hold us back from evolution. So it’s something I should work on. There are too many amazing stories that need to be told and smile-inducing ideas to share! So here I am kickstarting this blog again. Thanks for your patience, support, subscription, attention, and acceptance of my imperfections.❤️

Whew! Developing a growth mindset is far easier said than done.🌻

Other Random Updates

* I’ve been freelancing since February this year. Currently working with a few clients and my agenda is full (Yay!), but if you know anyone needing a content writer, connect me puh-lease.🙏

* Wrote two articles that I didn’t email to you ‘coz I’ve been in my lonesome cave for the past months (reach out with virtual hugs please kthxbye). Will leave a link below!

* Recorded some new short eps for I Suck At Smalltalk, but I’ve no time to upload ‘em! If you haven’t seen or heard these ones yet, I’d appreciate your listen!👇👇👇

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