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Host 1
I sold my car in Carvana last night.
Host 2
Well, that's cool.
Host 1
No, you don't understand. It went perfectly. Real offer down to the penny. They're picking it up tomorrow. Nothing went wrong.
Josh Pumps
So what's the problem?
Host 1
That is the problem. Nothing in my life goes as smoothie. I'm waiting for the catch.
Josh Pumps
Maybe there's no catch.
Host 1
That's exactly what a catch would want me to think.
Host 2
Wow.
Josh Pumps
You need to relax.
Host 1
I need to knock on wood. Do we have wood? Is this table wood?
Josh Pumps
I think it's laminate.
Host 1
Okay. Yeah, that's good. That's close enough.
Josh Pumps
Car selling without a catch.
Pumps
Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up. These May apply.
Host 2
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Josh Pumps
All right.
Pumps
Cash Patel is using his power as FBI director to fly his girlfriend around on a government PJ and intimidate journalists. Let's pop this up. New and breaking. The FBI began investigating New York Times reporter Elizabeth Williamson earlier this year after she published a story about how Cash Patel was using FBI personnel to provide his girlfriend with government security and transportation. FBI agents interviewed Patel's girlfriend about Williamson, queried databases for info on the reporter, and recommended Moving forward to determine whether the reporter broke federal stalking laws. These guys are such babies. They are such bedwetters. And I just want to remind. Before I get pumps and Josh take on this, I want to remind you, the sitting director of the FBI, Josh Pumps and I. This is one of our favorite tweets out of the administration. I just want to get your take on this. Pop this up. Cash Patel tweeted. I am so proud of the work of this FBI. We're taking violent criminals off the streets in record numbers, crushing the fentanyl crisis, dismantling cartels, saving children, hunting down terrorists, and so much more. Let me be clear. We will not be distracted by baseless rumors or the noise from uninformed Internet anarchists and the fake news. I've always said, criticize me all you want, but going after the people doing great work, my personal life or those around me is a total disgrace. The disgustingly baseless attacks against Alexis, a true patriot and the woman I'm proud to call my partner in life are beyond pathetic. Pathetic. She is a rock solid conservative and country music sensation who has done more for this nation than Most will in 10 lifetimes. I'm so blessed she's in my life. And then he goes on, on about clickbait, haters, etc. Etc. Josh, what do you think about sitting FBI director? And this is just his girlfriend. This isn't a fiance, this isn't a wife. She's a lot more attractive than he is. A lot. She's a patriot in a country music sensation.
Host 2
Josh.
Pumps
What you're taking that pumps and I just. We could read it all day long
Criminal Defense Lawyer
if you put this up on a Saturday Night Live skit. I, I would say that this, this is not real. This isn't possible. And here's the thing. So, so in my other life, I'm criminal defense lawyer. I, I appear often in federal court, as do many, many FBI agents. As mortified as I am or you am you are about that particular statement from this particular person, there are thousands of agents and or Assistant U.S. attorneys across the country that are just as mortified that that is the leader of the FBI. A former podcaster who is dating a 27 year old country music center, country
Pumps
music and great patriot. And pop that back up, Kylie. This is this. I just. I'm sorry. Here we go. She is a rock solid conservative and a country music sensation who has done more for this nation than Most will in 10 lifetimes. That is really quite an accomplishment. She's done more at the age of 27, despite being a country music sensation, she has done more for this country than Most have in 10.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
So she's done more for the country in addition to her contribution to country music.
Pumps
Is there in addition as a side hustle. She's a Patriot, to be fair, I
Josh Pumps
would not give Cash Patel a blowjob for my nation in the name of patriotism. There's just no way that would happen. Here's the deal about this whole stalking thing. I went to the statute about federal stalking because I'm like, how would he get any kind of federal stalking charge on this? In stalking cases, according to U.S. code, you have to be in a dating relationship, a domestic partner, or have some type of familial relationship. So this was bullshit from Jump. And our FBI agents were taken off what could have been real criminal white collar cases even. But they're not because they're dicking off with Cash Patel's girlfriend because he has
Pumps
to secure the bag for Alexis. And here's the deal. I believe it was this article. Maybe it was a different one. It was revealed that the FBI was driving around Alexis when she is not being the aforementioned country music sensation and or a patriot that is more patriotic than most people in 10.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
It would be hard to find.
Pumps
They're driving her and her friends around as her as their dds. Cash has FBI agents driving around a drunken country music sensation and esteemed patriot Alexis and her friends. So they don't get DUIs, probably while
Criminal Defense Lawyer
she's doing community service for veterans in between countries.
Pumps
Right?
Criminal Defense Lawyer
Homeless veterans.
Maria
Yeah.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
I want to say one thing that was sort of skipped on this story, which was this was presented to the U.S. attorney's office and it says that they sort of summarily sort of sent this back and so I can see how this would go. They bring this to the U.S. attorney's office and they say, hey, we don't have a federal statute that's been violated here, okay? So don't send me this anymore. There's no charge. Even if we wanted to invent some charge here, we don't even have that. So that's really what happened here.
Pumps
Well, cash money. Cha ching ching. When he is not offering Internet support for the aforementioned country music sensation and patriot of the year, Alexis, he goes on to Sean Hannity to address this. Start the clip.
Maria
Going after you. That you use the FBI because you didn't like a story about your girlfriend. And is there any truth to that? Because I've known you a long time. It just doesn't sound like you.
Pumps
Absolutely not.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
The reality is. Thanks, Sean. Is that the same reporter delivered a
Pumps
baseless story which caused a direct threat of life to my girlfriend. And that's what a. I mean, it's just. It's a light and the bedwetting and here's the thing. Like we are having to watch Cash Patel desperately cling on to continuing to get laid. Let's just cut through all the. All of this. The tweet, the Sean Hannity appearance, the investigation into the journalist is because this is the best piece of ass and that Cash Patel has ever gotten. And he is clinging on to it for dear life and bringing down the United States of America with it.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
In addition, it's not just enough that he's the director of the FBI. She's saying, hey, you're going to have to throw in a fucking plane for me to stay in this view.
Josh Pumps
Yeah.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
I mean, I'm not just doing it.
Pumps
You're not buying commercial.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
Yeah. Your title alone is not doing this.
Josh Pumps
I want a private plane.
Pumps
I'm not doing tsa.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
And the fact that Sean Hannity gives him a character endorsement. I've known you a long time. This just doesn't sound like you, Cash. That. And I mean, you're just a breath of fresh air and someone who's got such moral clarity.
Pumps
Integrity. Yeah. That I got such integrity.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
These rumors and stuff.
Pumps
We.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
Please shore this up for. For our listeners and tell them how good of a person you are.
Pumps
Jesus. Okay.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
Circle jerk city.
Pumps
All right. The House Democrats are demand demanding Cash Patel answer for his drinking. Pop this up. House Democrats demand Cash Patel complete the Alcohol Use disorders identification test as part of their investigation into his drinking. These glimpses of your relationship to alcohol would be alarming to see in an FBI agent. For us to see them in the FBI director himself is shocking. Josh.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
Well, can you put that clip back up? I. I want to see this again. What is an Alcohol Use disorders identification Test?
Pumps
Starters, I would think that you took one, you were admitted into rehab
Josh Pumps
to
Pumps
be abundantly familiar with the test.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
He just whip out those breathalyzers on Cash in the middle of the day and say, hey, blow into this thing. Have you been drinking or not?
Pumps
Well, I know Alexis would blow it,
Josh Pumps
but it cost a private plane.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
The fact.
Pumps
Okay, all right, moving along. All right, all right. Republicans. Oh, God, you guys, this is terrible. Okay, pop this up. Midas touches reporting breaking. A Republican appointed Virginia judge has struck down the Democratic backed redistricting amendment in full ruling it unconstitutional from and void from the start. All votes from the April 21 special election are now invalid and the state is permanently blocked from using or implementing the new maps. AG J Jones says he will immediately file an appeal. Josh has done some legal research on this. Explain to us in the listener what's going on here.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
Well, there's a backstory here, of course. And it all starts with our good friends at the rnc.
Pumps
Of course.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
So they file a lawsuit the following day after this election. They take it to a friendly, conservative, God fearing, patriotic judge in a small county, pedophile supporting. Pedophile supporting. He grants their wish that, that this election was invalid, improper, unconstitutional, blah, blah, blah. Ultimately, the good news is that this case will work its way through the Virginia Supreme Court and, and it's going to pass. It's going to pass.
Pumps
Let's, let's review pumps, shall we? Let's review all of the things that MAGA is right now. Okay. They are pedophile supporting and. Or cover covering up. They are anti family.
Josh Pumps
Yeah.
Pumps
Anti child. They appear to be a death cult. It seems like they're constantly cutting funding and or providing policy that will lead to more deaths. The deaths, the dismantling of the epa, letting Elon Musk tear down USA Ideas already caused hundreds of thousands of deaths. And now they are the anti democracy party as well, which we've known. But they just keep going more and more on record. Pumps. What's your take on this?
Josh Pumps
You know, I look at all of this and I think it's so interesting that this was the best idea in the world. Fox News couldn't get a hold of it quick enough when Trump called Greg Abbott in Texas and said, do it contrary to law. Do it get you some. And then Governor Newsom, Governor Spanberger from Virginia, they go in, they do it exactly according to their constitution and MAGA doesn't like it. And here's the thing I just want to add to your what pro Republicans are. They're pro inflation, they're pro corporation, pro war. Pro war, pro everything bad, everything they say they're for, you immediately know they're against it by their actions.
Pumps
Or we can, or we can just go by Josh's when he doesn't know where he stands on an issue, he goes, where does Ted, where is Ted Cruz on this? And then he knows he's the opposite.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
He's not. Barometer.
Josh Pumps
Count me out.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
Yeah, just in this episode alone, we've seen that with the first story we covered with cash that if you print anything negative about a member of this administration, you're going to be investigated. So we see the use of the Department of Justice for that purpose, which is improper, of course. And we've seen now that we love free and fair elections. We love the will of the people. Unless they vote a certain way and it's against our interest. And then we don't want the will of the people to be heard. We don't want people to vote.
Pumps
All right, and here we have, you know, Trump's older sons, Dumb and Dumber. Here we have dumber celebrating a $24 million contract with the Pentagon. Play the clip. I know this is a lot about national security, but sadcat's talking to us
Josh Pumps
about other use cases.
Pumps
Tell us about that. And how did you get involved? What attracted, attracted you to this company?
Maria
Well, think it's been a friend of mine. I walked into his factory and I couldn't believe what I saw. You know, coming from hospitality, the uses are unlimited. But, you know, Maria, you're just talking about China. You know, we are America first. We have to win this race. We've had to win a lot of races. Right? You know, I got involved with crypto in a very big way because we had to win that digital revolution. We have to win robotics.
Pumps
Okay, I don't even know what he said, but I will let you all know that Eric Trump was appointed chief strategic advisor to Foundation Industries in March and is also an investor in the company. And the company makes humanoid battlefield robots. And he, you know, he says he's got to win. You know, he came from hospitality. Now all of a sudden, he's into drones. Why is he into drones? Because his dad and the people surrounding him, his dad said, hey, dip and dip, get in here. There's a way where we can trickle down the wealth and we want you in on it, you two dipshits. And so we're going to set up this whole thing for you guys to invest in. And of course they do it. And these are the same people, the bedwetter over Hunter Biden. These are the people that lost their minds over Hunter Biden. And I have a personal Freudian theory on why they lost their minds about Hunter. There is on his laptop, there was a picture of his penis, and it was rather large. And the meltdown from that computer to current date is still going on. And these dipshits are so corrupt. Dumb and dumber are just breathtakingly corrupt. The corruption is off the chart. Imagine if Malia and Sasha Obama were engaged in some sort of drone technology, investing in it, while Barack Obama is drone striking people in the Middle East. Everybody would be furious. And they have would have a right to be furious. But here he is on Fox with Maria bragging about the corruption.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
Maria asked him this question. What attracted you to this company, Eric? And what Eric should have said was, here, here, here would have been the Proper answer. Well, Maria, I thought I could make so much money on this deal that you wouldn't even believe it. And that's why I got involved in this. And everything you see where you hear America first, we heard that everything you just know that someone's making a shitload of money. This is all about the money trail. Every story that we cover is about money. It's all money, money, money. They disguise it with America first and saying, you know what, Maria? I'm a shitload of money off this stupid thing.
Pumps
Off of Americans, off Americans.
Criminal Defense Lawyer
And that's what this is about.
Pumps
Okay, Pumps, this, this is for you. Meanwhile, Dumber's father is tweeting about the ratings of the Apprentice for more than 20 years ago. Pop this up. Last season of my Apprentice juggernaut. And it links an article from 2004. The Apprentice scores ratings top for the season. So while all of this shit's going on the straight of Hormuz has like literal active minds in it. An impending energy crisis is, is looming. And Dumb and Dumber are making, you know, millions upon millions of dollars while Witkoff and Kushner are making millions and millions of dollars while we are funding Israel. That's killing Journal and we are killing journalists and children too, by proxy. The United States is. He's posting about his ratings from 2004. Pumps.
Josh Pumps
Okay, here's what I think on this. You know, when someone has dementia, they. Their short term memory, they can't get it, but they remember stuff from a long time ago, like with clarity, like, it happened yesterday. And so when I saw this, I thought, oh, he thought this was yesterday because he can't. He has no idea what's going on in reality. This is his, his dementia acting out.
Pumps
Yeah, dementia plus narcissism. Right. You know, because a person with dementia, with narcissism, of course the, the memories they remember are going to be like, oh, look at this rate. Because he's all about ratings. And you know, this is obviously some sort of Freudian posting too, since he has historically low approval ratings. All right, that's all we have. I just want to personally thank Alexis Cash Patel girlfriend for all of her patriotism and the hard work 10 lifetimes worth that she's doing for the USA. Make sure you subscribe and we'll see you all later.
Episode: FBI Director Whines To Fox News; MAGA Kash Patel Clearly Regrets Lawsuit
Date: April 23, 2026
Hosts: Jennifer Welch & Angie “Pumps” Sullivan
Additional Voices: Josh, Maria, Criminal Defense Lawyer
In this episode, Jennifer and Angie—along with Josh and friends—bring their trademark biting humor and progressive lens to the week’s political news. The crew dives into the latest scandal surrounding FBI Director Kash Patel’s misuse of power to benefit his girlfriend, the escalating culture of MAGA corruption, and the hypocrisy of the right. The episode is packed with memorable rants, sharp legal and political commentary, and plenty of comedic jibes aiming to keep spirits up amidst alarming headlines.
(01:36 – 08:55)
Context:
Kash Patel, now FBI Director, is alleged to have abused his power by providing government security and transportation for his girlfriend (Alexis, a 27-year-old country music singer) and by having the FBI investigate journalist Elizabeth Williamson, who reported the story. The hosts highlight how the FBI was used to query information about the reporter and potentially intimidate her under questionable accusations of federal stalking.
Mocking Patel’s Defense & Social Media Statements:
Kash Patel’s defensive tweet is read aloud and satirized. The hosts lampoon his effusiveness towards his girlfriend, especially the proclamation that she’s “done more for this nation than most will in 10 lifetimes.”
Legal Insight on ‘Federal Stalking’:
Josh, who practices criminal defense, points out there was never a legitimate criminal statute that could apply, noting the standard for federal stalking doesn’t remotely fit.
Highlighting Absurdity and Corruption:
The segment crescendos with the crew quipping about FBI agents chauffeuring Alexis and friends as de facto designated drivers (“dd’s”) and the use of government resources for personal benefit.
(07:43 – 09:27)
Media Reaction:
The group lampoons Sean Hannity’s fawning interview of Kash Patel, noting the lack of accountability and over-the-top character endorsement on Fox.
Underlying Motivation:
The hosts agree the situation is motivated by Patel’s desperate clinging to his relationship—“this is the best piece of ass that Cash Patel has ever gotten. And he is clinging on to it for dear life and bringing down the United States of America with it.” (Pumps, 08:17)
(09:27 – 10:27)
(10:27 – 13:06)
Big News in Virginia:
A Republican judge in Virginia invalidates a Democratic redistricting amendment and throws out all recent votes, blocking new district maps.
Legal Analysis:
Josh contextualizes the case as a partisan maneuver by the RNC, noting that the Virginia Supreme Court will ultimately decide, and remains optimistic for reversal.
Broad Attack on MAGA Politics:
The crew runs down the list of current GOP/MAGA positions: anti-family, anti-child, “death cult,” anti-democracy, pro-inflation, pro-corporate, pro-war—highlighting the hypocrisy between their rhetoric and actions.
(13:52 – 17:58)
Eric Trump and Defense Contracts:
A segment from Fox News features Eric Trump (dubbed “Dumber”) bragging about a $24 million Pentagon contract awarded to his company for battlefield robots. The hosts are incredulous at the open nepotism and grift.
Comparison to Hunter Biden:
The segment contrasts Fox’s outrage over Hunter Biden with their silence about Trump family self-dealing.
Bottom Line:
The real driver is unabashed money-making, with “America first” as a fig leaf.
(16:56 – 18:21)
On FBI Misconduct:
“This is just his girlfriend. This isn’t a fiancée, this isn’t a wife… She’s a patriot in a country music sensation.” (Pumps, 03:56)
On Media Complicity:
“Circle jerk city.” (Pumps, 09:25)
On MAGA’s Culture War:
“They are pedophile supporting and/or covering up. They are anti family. Anti child. They appear to be a death cult.” (Pumps, 11:43)
On Nepotism:
“‘What attracted you to this company, Eric?’ …Well, Maria, I thought I could make so much money on this deal that you wouldn't even believe it. And that's why I got involved in this.” (Criminal Defense Lawyer, 16:10)
On Trump’s Priorities:
“Dementia plus narcissism… Because a person with dementia, with narcissism, of course the memories they remember are going to be like, oh, look at this rate[ing].” (Pumps, 18:21)
With their signature blend of outrage, irreverence, and legal insight, Jennifer, Angie, and crew connect patterns of corruption across the Republican establishment—from the FBI to Fox News to the Pentagon. They relentlessly call out hypocrisy, mock the powerful, and remind listeners to “knock on laminate” and stay vigilant, all while finding moments to laugh at the absurdity of it all.
Noteworthy timestamps for quick reference: