Episode Summary: "It's Always A Genitalia Thing"

Podcast: ill-advised by Bill Nighy
Host: Bill Nighy (EYEPOD Studios)
Date: March 19, 2026

Episode Overview

In this quintessentially idiosyncratic and endearingly meandering episode, Bill Nighy offers his wit and singular charm as he responds to listeners’ dilemmas and questions—ranging from fear of belly buttons to the etiquette of squeezing out from overcrowded restaurant tables, while sharing musings on sock length, swearing alternatives, and ban-worthy words and phrases. As always, Bill supplies a playlist and book of the week, all in the spirit of giving the awkward and the introverted a gentle spot to squander some time.

Key Discussion Points

1. Introduction and Mission Statement

[01:04]

• Bill welcomes listeners to Season Two, reiterating the podcast’s aim: “to provide something for you that is entirely inconsequential…a refuge for the clumsy and the awkward.”
• Notes his own lifelong skill at “loafing”—a superpower most useful during long stretches of actorly unemployment.

2. Question 1: Fear of Belly Buttons

[03:05]

• Listener Gigi from Brazil describes belly buttons as “ugly…freak me out, and they are completely unnecessary.”
• Bill is charitable and poetic:

  “I find belly buttons rather moving…just an indication that in the end, we are creatures and we are all more or less built the same.” [04:02]

• Reveals the terms ‘omphalophobia’ (fear/dislike of belly buttons) and ‘alvinophilia’ (attraction to belly buttons), proud to identify “as one.”
• Anecdote: Recounts being “deeply unsettled” as a 12-year-old when seeing Kim Novak with a diamond in her belly button in a pre-Gigi-era film.

3. Question 2: Restaurant Table Squeeze—Genitalia or Bottom First?

[06:09]

• Listener Michael (a Brit in Shanghai) faces the “London restaurant dilemma”—which direction to face when squeezing between closely-set tables.
• Bill muses:

  “Nothing personal, Michael—although there couldn’t be anything more personal than asking you about your bottom.” [07:15]

• Shares a heartfelt anecdote involving his big brother defending him during a past table-squeeze mishap—a rare moment of fraternal support.
• His final (tongue-in-cheek) answer:

  “It’s always a genitalia thing. People are going to be less offended by genitalia than they are if you point your ass at them...with no disrespect, as I say, to your ass, which I’m sure is comely.” [08:55]

• Affirms that such social conundrums are under-acknowledged.

4. Question 3: Acting, Music, and Never Saying Never

[10:12]

• Actor Phil Daniels asks if Bill ever considered a detour into music and the “rock and roll lifestyle.”
• Bill admits to previous musical attempts—his 1970s band “The Love Ponies”:

  “I thought you had to throw shapes that sort of suggested you were good in bed, and I wasn’t entirely convinced that I was…” [12:48]

• Finds singing “very exposing and very tricky,” and doubts he could take himself seriously enough for rock stardom, but still dreams of “the album before I die”—with new fantasy band name: “The Overlooked.”
• Introduces new segment “I’m With the Band,” calling for listeners’ own band names and lyrics.

5. Question 4: The Absolute in Sock Length

[16:13]

• Dan from Niagara wonders if sock length is generational or situational.
• Bill’s rule: “You don’t want to see any of your leg…my legs haven’t seen the light of day this century.” [17:20]
• Remembers wardrobe staff laughing at his calf-length socks when he was about 49—and the dawning realization of aging, similar to when a film crew clapped at his ability to sprint down a corridor.
• Short socks for men “make me sad, make me unhappy…But for women, short socks, fine.”

6. Question 5: Creative Swearing without Naughty Words

[19:55]

• Gemma from Perth wants alternatives to swearing around her young son.
• Bill’s take:

  “Funky alternatives to real swearing are hard to come by without sounding actually worse than if you were swearing…my mother used to do something like that...I can’t bear it.” [20:50]

• Suggests real profanity in moderation is preferable to awkward substitutes—except for “the one word we all know you can’t use.”
• Shares a friend’s perfect comeback for the forbidden word.

7. Banned Words and Phrases

[22:35]

• Listener submissions:
  • “It is what it is”—phrased banished for meaninglessness.
  • “Heritage” (now tainted by “heritage tomatoes” and marketing).
  • “So” as a sentence opener—retired from English except in Irish context.

8. Playlist of the Week: "Shake, Don't Shiver"

[23:57]

• Features songs with a certain “vibe”—now a safer word after decades of ironic laundering.
• Picks:
  • Mink DeVille “Spanish Stroll”
  • Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds “More News From Nowhere”
  • Prince “The Holy River”
  • Ike & Tina Turner “Crazy Bout Your Baby”
  • Raheem DeVaughn “Marvin Used to Say”

9. Book of the Week

[25:36]

• Zadie Smith’s Dead and Alive (essay collection), highlighted via a reading from “Kilburn, My Love”—a paean to unapologetic, multicultural Kilburn.

Notable Quotes and Moments

• On loafing as an actor:

  “Loafing unconcerned is another matter, but I’m pretty good at that now. But that’s because I made some money so you know, that’s not so tricky.” [01:44]

• On aging and self-awareness:

  “You live in a trance where you’re still 28, but in fact you’re 49. And it’s those occasions when you’re reminded of the reality of your age.” [17:59]

• On invented generational differences:

  “Lots of things are invented as generational when they’re not at all, but that’s usually for marketing purposes.” [18:52]

• On fake swear words:

  “It just sounds—there’s something about it—I absolutely hate it…they actually end up sounding more squeamish-making than the real thing…” [21:05]

• Book Excerpt by Zadie Smith:

  “I thrill at so many drivers and pedestrians treating traffic lights as obscure suggestions. When I’m walking the high road, I enjoy a truly staggering variety of physical and sartorial beauty, most of it undreamed of in the philosophies of fashion magazines.” [25:54]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction & Mission Statement: [01:04]
• Q1: Belly Button Anxiety: [03:05]
• Q2: Table Squeeze Dilemma: [06:09]
• Q3: Music Vs. Acting & “The Love Ponies”: [10:12]
• Q4: Sock Length Discourse: [16:13]
• Q5: Swearing Without Swearing: [19:55]
• Banned Words and Phrases: [22:35]
• Playlist of the Week: [23:57]
• Book of the Week (Zadie Smith reading): [25:36]

Tone and Style

• Bill’s voice is wry, self-effacing, and gently bemused; he approaches every question with humility, humor, and a dash of irreverent wisdom—a blend of rambling charm and candidness that’s both comforting and disarming.

Closing Thoughts

This episode is a balm for the socially anxious and the overthinkers among us, with Bill Nighy dispensing advice, anecdotes, and literary moments all while encouraging listeners to “waste at least a part of your day” in delightful inconsequence.

“Remember, it’s nice to be important, but it’s important to be nice.” [26:09]