Podcast Summary: "I’m Not Disappearing – A Candid Conversation About Aging"

IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson (Higher Ground)
Date: November 19, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode brings together Michelle Obama, her brother and co-host Craig Robinson, fashion icon Bethann Hardison, legendary actor/activist Jane Fonda, and designer Jenna Lyons for a deeply candid, witty, and moving conversation about what it means to age as a woman—particularly in the public eye. With stories, laughter, and vulnerability, the group tackles expectations around aging, societal pressures, evolving identity, and the gifts that come with each decade.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Early Perceptions and Fears of Aging

• Michelle Obama reflects on her childhood view of aging, associating her current age (61) with the "old" age of her grandparents, who often stopped caring about self-presentation or aspirations once they reached their 60s.

  “It just seemed like aging was off a cliff.” (03:14)

• Both Jane Fonda and Bethann Hardison admit they never thought they’d live very long.

  Jane: “I didn’t think I'd live past 30. I was sure I was gonna die. ... So the fact that I'm almost 88 is astonishing to me.” (03:47)

  Bethann: “Like Jane said, I thought I wasn't gonna live past the age 26.” (05:15)

The Emotional Work of Aging—Regret, Forgiveness, and Acceptance

• Jane Fonda marks her 60th birthday as the start of her “third act,” focusing on living so as not to die with regrets, influenced by witnessing her father’s regrets at the end of his life.

  “If you don't wanna die with regrets, then you have to live the last part of your life in such a way that there won't be any regrets.” (06:28)

• Forgiveness—of self and others—is essential to her well-being in later life. (06:56)

• Michelle Obama speaks about the challenge of acknowledging mortality, particularly the discomfort it causes in younger people, but emphasizes the importance of mindfulness as time accelerates.

  “If you don’t acknowledge that at 60, we do have maybe one more chapter, then it starts slipping away. I want time to slow down.” (08:52)

• Both Bethann and Michelle share how their mothers prepared them for mortality, instilling self-reliance as a way to ensure their children would be equipped to thrive.

  Michelle: “She wanted us to know that we could make it with or without her.” (10:41)

  “You can be sad, but be sad for a minute.” (11:40)

Health, Habits, and Self-Care: The Foundation for Enjoying Aging

• All guests agree that health is the key variable that allows one to feel young and vital, regardless of chronological age.

  Jane (as quoted often by Bethann): “You don't feel old as long as you're healthy. If you're healthy, you don't feel old.” (09:14)

• Michelle Obama elaborates:

  “A healthy baseline ... is important. That's first and foremost.” (13:52)

• Enjoying life and pleasure is essential, balanced with health—Barack Obama’s love of ignoring dietary restrictions when dining out embodies this philosophy. (17:15)

Style, Height, and the Evolving Language of Fashion

• Michelle and Jenna discuss their experiences as tall women, once self-conscious but now embracing height as powerful and stylish—especially with supportive partners.

  Michelle: “Now that I'm glamorous ... I love my height. I love a 4-inch heel—as long as I’m just walking from here to there.” (18:31)

• Fashion as Self-Expression evolves:

  • In public roles, Michelle’s style “had a role”—to represent the nation, culture, and inclusivity as First Lady.

  “A lot of my fashion choices … were about using the language of fashion as a way to send a message … about beauty, about culture, about the American spirit, about inclusion.” (47:26)

  • Post-White House, her fashion is “selfish,” joyful, and celebratory of personal freedom.

  “Now … fashion is about me. It is selfishly, it’s completely about what I like and what I want to do.” (48:52)

• Jane Fonda shares a formative encounter with Katharine Hepburn:

  “She took my cheek like this and said, ‘This is your box. This is how you present. What do you want it to say?’” (20:04)
  This shaped Jane’s awareness of intentional self-presentation.

Aging, Dating, and Intimacy

• Bethann underscores her independence and the joy of having companions rather than dating in a traditional sense.

  “I have people who take care of me and very nice people … At different places in the world.” (24:05)

  • She encourages women to be open to intimacy in many forms, beyond the sexual.

• Jane Fonda credits women friends as her true source of support and strength:

  “My girlfriends are the world to me…women friends are very different than male friends. … We’re not afraid to be vulnerable with each other. It feeds our soul.” (25:40)

Anti-Aging Pressures and Gender in Beauty Standards

• Bethann and Jane discuss how, in their fields, they never personally internalized industry pressures to look younger, but acknowledge those pressures exist for many.

  Bethann: “I'm gangster...I don't think you'd notice pushback if it pushed you in the face. I think you'd look and go, what's your problem?” (27:01)

• Michelle addresses the double standard between men and women, especially in public life.

  “There is crazy pressure that we're not supposed to evolve, you know, and men have a different kind of pressure...” (28:18)

Activism, Representation, and Making Space for the Next Generation

• Bethann’s 2013 letter challenging racism in fashion had major impact:

  “No matter your intent, the result is racism…if you continue to use one or no or two models of color per season.” (52:14)

• Michelle contextualizes the push for diversity and inclusion as a necessary corrective, not a handout.

  “A lot of the fighting for equity and equality and inclusion is about the fact that DEI was happening in the reverse, that there was a lot of blackballing happening throughout the country.” (53:56)

• Jane reflects on sustained activism and finding one’s voice and courage as a process that continues with age.

  “We have to rebuild movement of resistance ... creative, nonviolent, nonconforming.” (62:46)

• Michelle on legacy: the importance of "moving out of the seats" to make space for young leaders, even before they feel perfectly ready.

  “You’ve got to have a plan in this next chapter to move out of the seats to let the next generation lead. And sometimes you have to let 'em lead, whether they know all the answers or not.” (68:22)

  • The panel discusses the dangers of individualism versus the power of solidarity and collective action. (71:36–72:27)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Regret:
  Jane Fonda: “I’m afraid of dying with a lot of regrets ... if you don’t wanna die with regrets, then you have to live … so there won’t be any.” (06:12)
• On Mortality and Preparation:
  Michelle Obama: “My mother … was preparing us for her death when we were 10.” (10:32)
• On Self-Ownership and Wisdom:
  Michelle Obama: “It wasn't until now that I feel like I can own my wisdom. … As women, we aren't ready to own our wisdom until now when we are sure that we've learned the lesson…” (43:45) Jane Fonda: “Wisdom doesn’t come from having a lot of experiences. It comes from understanding what they are.” (44:31)
• On Body Image:
  Jane Fonda: “I had body dysmorphia most of my life ... but at almost 88, I’m happy to say I don’t give a flying fuzzy rat’s ass.” (31:38)
• On Friendship and Support:
  Jane Fonda: “My girlfriends are the world to me. … It feeds our soul. … That’s why I think it’s one of the main reasons why we live longer.” (25:44)
• On Intergenerational Leadership:
  Michelle Obama: “Sometimes you have to let 'em lead, whether they know all the answers or not. … I don’t think you ever know that you’re ready to lead. I think you just have to start doing it.” (68:25–69:28)
• On Joy in Aging:
  Bethann Hardison: “The freedom it gives you to be older, right?” (42:48)

Important Timestamps

• 00:41–01:32 – Introduction; overview of the topic: women aging in the public eye.
• 03:00–07:10 – Early perceptions of aging; fears about getting older; impact of family.
• 07:57–09:13 – On time, mindfulness, generational differences in talking about mortality.
• 09:51–11:39 – Talking about death and preparing children for independence.
• 12:58–14:01 – Michelle on pushing back against unrealistic aging standards; baseline health.
• 17:15–18:22 – Finding balance between pleasure and good habits.
• 18:31–19:55 – Michelle on tall-girl style, fashion, and support from partner.
• 20:04–21:02 – Jane Fonda’s career-changing advice from Katharine Hepburn.
• 24:04–25:32 – Bethann on companionship and reframing loneliness in aging.
• 31:20–32:35 – Jane’s candor about body image and self-acceptance at 88.
• 38:25–41:15 – Bethann’s early confidence, gang story, and the roots of resilience.
• 43:44–45:16 – Claims to wisdom; the process of “owning” one’s journey.
• 47:26–49:19 – The evolution of Michelle’s own self-presentation before and after the White House.
• 52:14–53:37 – Bethann’s industry-changing activism in fashion.
• 59:15–62:46 – Jane on activism, courage, and the value of collective movement.
• 66:25–67:48 – Reflections on courage, speed of change, and organizing for the future.
• 68:18–69:28 – Michelle on preparing the next generation to lead.
• 73:17–73:39 – Importance of community for health, fulfillment, and resilience in later life.

Closing Reflections

The group closes on the importance of sharing vulnerability, honoring wisdom, and moving into the next chapter with intention and courage. Their candidness offers encouragement and practical wisdom for all listeners facing the complexities of aging and changing roles:

Michelle Obama: “This is like a ministry of conversation ... if these women think this way, feel this way, have lived this long, or growing this way, then there’s still important [work to do].” (74:34)

Final Thought

This conversation radiates humor, solidarity, hope, and inspiration. Listeners of any age are left with new ways to celebrate purpose, friendship, authenticity, and the lifelong project of self-understanding.