← Impact Podcast, Mentorship with Eddie Wilson
Impact Podcast, Mentorship with Eddie Wilson
30 - Love Your Fate | The Stoic Secrets to Mastering Your Narrative
00:34:07
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A
Welcome to the Impact Podcast. I'm Eddie Wilson, here to help you visualize what others cannot see, create opportunities where others have failed, and push you to build empires where once there was empty space. Let's embark on this journey together and make a difference in this world. Thank you so much for joining us today on the Impact Podcast with Eddie Wilson. It is exciting to be here today, and today we're going to talk about things that actually govern my own personal life. If you ever wonder how I've created success in my life, I'm going to give you the secrets. And the secrets go back to ancient philosophy. I am a huge fan of the Stoic philosophers, and I don't necessarily agree with everything that they teach or they preach. But there are so many good things. And so what I've done is I've broken down the hundreds of Stoic laws, Stoic suggestions, into the four that I use in my own life that I want to share with you today to try to help you get more out of your life. So let's jump into some Stoic philosophy today. Again, I always give props to my friend Ryan Holiday, who writes some amazing books on the Stoic philosophers. If you haven't picked up his latest books, make sure you pick them up. The latest one I read was about the concept of stillness. Many of you've heard me talk about ego as the enemy, and to me, stillness is one of those concepts that I've been trying to practice in my own life and one that I have read recently. So let me break down the four that I think are most impactful in my life today. Number one, the first philosophy. And these are not necessarily in order of importance. They're just the four that out of the hundreds of them that I've gained from Marcus Aurelius or Seneca or a lot of the Stoic philosophers, these are the four that make the most impact in my life. Number one, the first principle is control what you can and accept what you can't. Control what you can, accept what you can't. Oftentimes in the life of an entrepreneur, there's power in what we can control, and there is a lack or a loss of power in trying to get involved in the things we can't control. So we make the best use of what is in our power, then the rest begins to just fall in place. You know, there's so many times in my daily life where I have to just let go of the things that are out of my control and accentuate the things that are in my control and the Core stoic philosophy here teaches that we should only focus on what's within our control, our actions, our judgments, and our character. Actions, judgments, character. I can control how I act or react to a situation. Oftentimes I'm presented, I'll go into a manager's meeting, or I'll go into a finance meeting, or go into a marketing meeting. And I can only control my own actions, judgments, and character. I can't control what's happened in the past. I can only control my own actions, and my own actions oftentimes dictate the actions of those around me. It's not that I don't wanna correct, change, make adjustments, but the thing is, is that oftentimes I can't control or get angry about the things that have already previously happened in the past. Getting angry about those situations oftentimes give power to a situation that provides you very. And so the things that I can't control, things that I have to just let go of, are anxiety about other people's opinions, external events, or the past. And that's a huge point that most of the stoic philosophers will dive into, is that I can't really control people's opinions of me. And oftentimes people's opinions of you are an exaggerated version of what's actually true. So when you're trying to control something, it's an exaggerated version of what's what's not actually true. Then you're dealing in a situation that is in untruth. And so I want to live in truth. Capital T, truth. And in capital T, truth provides alignment for me, which is who I actually am, what is actually the case. And so I don't want to spend time or effort or energy on the things that are untrue, right? And so I can't control other people's opinions or I can't control external events. There are things that happen that, that I can't control. I can only adjust my own actions to it. You know, we are in the live event space. Many of you have seen us with the Aspire tour, it's the nation's largest business tour, and every single event, we've done 30 events in a row, 30 months in a row, 2, 3, 4, 5,000 people every single month. And I can tell you that every single event in the live event space, there are always situations that are outside of my control. Somebody shows up late, the crowd isn't exactly what we thought. The crowd shows up late, the crowd shows up early, the crowd wants once in early, the food isn't just right. Whatever it is, at every single event there is going to be something that happens and you can't control it. All you can do is control your reaction to it. And based on the control of your own reaction, creates the experience of others. If you adjust, if you make adjustments to these issues, then oftentimes it creates the right experience for someone else. So, number one, control. You can accept what you can't. Number two, second Stoic philosophy that I want you to consider for your own life is live according to nature. Live according to nature. And this is a big one. Marcus Aurelius talked a lot about this and he even takes it further and he says that's within the guidelines or the kind of the structure of reason and virtue. The goal of living life in agreement with nature is believing that a good life is aligning yourself with reason and virtue, qualities unique specifically to human nature. And this is important because for me, one of the, and I'll take it a little bit more personal is that what I know is that when I'm in alignment, when I'm in alignment, and what I mean by alignment is I believe in a creator God, and I believe that I was created for a purpose. And so when I live in that alignment, I live inside of what I was created to do, created to be. There's ease, there's a natural process. That doesn't mean that there's not heartache, that doesn't mean that there's not bad things that don't happen. What that means is when I'm in alignment, things come easy, they come natural, they come with intention. When I'm trying to strive against all things that are not natural, oftentimes that's just me living outside of alignment. So that's kind of what the Stoic philosophers are saying, is that when you live according to nature, you're living with what was already intended, right? Like you're living with what was already intended. I go deep into this when it comes to my food right now. I've really been diving deep from a, from a nutrition standpoint into all things that are whole and natural versus things that are man made and created, right? And so what I know is that I feel 10 times better when I'll eat whole foods or things that are natural versus eating things that are processed. While it's easier, it's more convenient to maybe eat something that's processed. I naturally feel a degradation in my body when I don't eat things that are natural and whole. That's the same philosophy. Just in life is that in living according to nature, there is a natural path that when you follow that natural path, you don't feel resistance. Think of it as like a river. When a river fights against the natural curves and bends of its banks, right? What it does is it creates erosion. It pulls the soil into the water, right? It begins to expose things that didn't once exist. And that's typically what happens in our own lives when we're going against the very nature of what we're created for. It creates an erosion and it creates resistance. Right? So this means acting with wisdom, with courage, justice, and self discipline. Self discipline is actually natural, right? Self discipline is resisting things that could ultimately hurt you or harm you, or it's creating a path that's going to give you a better future. That's self discipline. We think that, well, it's easy just to grab that candy bar off the shelf and eat that candy bar because it's convenient. However, self discipline says, this is going to naturally begin to erode at my own personal energy and the nutrients that are in my body. It's going to give me a future that I don't want. And so self discipline is actually more natural than a lack of self discipline. So living according to nature is a huge, huge principle that a lot of the Stoics believed in. And inside of that they would create self discipline and habits in their life that gave them a better future. They gave up the inconveniences or the conveniences of today in order to know that it was going to give them longevity or a better future tomorrow. All right, number three, and this is one that you've probably heard many times. You may not understand what it means, but it's this concept of memento mori. It's this idea that tomorrow we may die. And a lot of the Stoic generals and philosophers that fought in the Roman army would live this motto. They realized that today is all that I really have. Today is the. This moment I'm in right now is the only thing that is guaranteed. Marcus Aurelius says, you could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do, what you say and what you think. There's a story that many people have said is morbid about Marcus Aurelius, where he said that every night as he kissed his children good night, he said, tomorrow you may die. In his mind, he would look at his child and he would kiss them good night, and he would say, tomorrow you may die. Tomorrow you might die. What he was doing was he was forcing himself into the moment to feel love and gratitude and grounding specific to his child in that moment. And while others call that morbid, I think it's a. A very specific and intentional reminder that tomorrow isn't promised somebody. You know, like in my situation, I've lost to a brother and I've lost a sister. And that feeling, that notion, that idea drives me to love deeper. It drives me to connect deeper. It drives me to be more present. And that's what this concept of memento mori is, is that it's a remembrance that we will die, that what we are experiencing right now may be fleeting, it may be gone tomorrow. So it's this idea of living for the moment, living for the day, giving everything that you have to make sure that the experience you have in this moment isn't pushed off to some future experience or some future desire. It constantly reminds you that time is the one asset that you have that you cannot get back once it is spent. And so instead of holding onto trivial things or grudges, you began to live in alignment with who you are and in the moment. And here's number four, one of my favorites, and you can pronounce it different ways. I'm just gonna say it's Amor Fatih or Fatih. And it's this idea of loving your fate. This is an important one, and it's not one that you hear talked a lot about, but it's one that I've written down as to me, one of the key Stoic philosophies. And Marcus Aurelius said it this way. He said, a blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that's thrown into it. And it's this concept that if you love your fate, if you give yourself to it, that you'll be better off. That no matter what happens in your life, good or bad, it's just a part of your path. And your perception of that path is what allows you to either grow or to stagnate. So instead of just tolerating our existence, tolerating the problems that we're having, tolerating in the situations we've been thrown into, love them, actually embrace them, Give yourself to them. Be passionate about it. Now, this is very, very different. And to me, this is a feeling and a thought that I think is so outside of the human experience. To love our fate, to fall in love with it, to actually look at the things that we're struggling with today, and to love it, to possess it, to give yourself to it, because what it creates tomorrow and is a more refined human experience, right? Like, it's that idea of the Fire, everything goes into the fire, and it just creates a brighter flame. Right? And that's what he's saying is like, if today, whatever is thrown at you, good or bad, you love that thing. Not just accept it, not just tolerate it, but you love it, you desire it, you give yourself to it, that what is created tomorrow is essentially a better human experience. It's a better version of yourself. Now, there's a lot of thought here, and I know that there is a constant push to avoid the things that have caused you harm or problems or issues in your life. But when you embrace it, when you have a more Fatih or Fatih, it's like you have this idea that fate was created for you and the experience was given to you by God. And so therefore, embracing it is God's alignment for you, which creates a better version of you. And what that does is it changes the narrative. What I want you to do for one second is just think about, what if everything in your life was a gift now? Not just the good things, go to the bad things. The worst thing that's ever happened to you. Can you picture in your mind, can you picture the day that you lost a loved one? Can you picture the day that something just horribly and horrific bad happened to you? What if you could change the narrative on that? And what if you could change to not just, I tolerated it, I'm overcoming it, but I love it, I'm embracing it. I believe that I was created for it. What would that change in your life? And to me, I think it changes everything. It's why I think it's one of the core fundamentals that are rarely talked about, but so vitally important in the Stoic philosophy. Because if you can love your fate, if I'm to die today, if I'm to suffer today, and I can embrace it and love it, what does it do for me tomorrow? What does it create for me? Right? And so those are the four core Stoic philosophies that I want you to consider and think about it. How does it actually integrate with your own life? Control what you can, accept what you can't. Live according to nature, reason, and virtue. Memento mori. Remember, you will die and Amor fati. Love your fate. Those are my four. Cassius, what do you think?
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B
Man, I love these. I resonate the most with Control what you can, accept, what you can't. I had questions for each of these principles, starting with the first one. I'm curious. Do you give yourself a few moments to be sad or to kind of, I guess, Take in what's happening in a situation that you cannot control.
- [15:47]
A
Sure. I think that it is important to, in the human experience, feel all emotions, but also understand that emotions oftentimes are part of the human experience. But oftentimes they're the. They're the greatest distraction to what we are trying to accomplish. And they're also. Our emotions are typically liars, Right? Like, they give us an experience that isn't necessarily always real. I often think about anger, like, and I'll get angry about something. Anger is usually something that's tied to my own choice about what I believe about a situation. If I change what I believe about a situation, oftentimes the anger subsides. But I think it's important to feel it, right? Like, when you feel it, feel it, understand where it comes from, why it comes from, and then make a choice. Is this something that I want to actually experience or deal with? Do I want to be sad? Do I want to be angry? Does this serve me in any way? What I find is that specifically with anger, it's like when I'll just embrace it, okay, I'm angry. This situation really made me angry. But let me go back to the root. Why did it make me angry? What do I want to be my experience out of this situation? Do I want to walk through the situation with this negative angry feeling? Or do I want to choose a different emotion to associate with it? Because oftentimes anger doesn't serve me for the future. But if I can choose, I think that there's a great Bible verse that says that there's more to learn in the house of mourning than in the house of feasting or laughter. And so I think that there's lots to be learned in understanding our emotions. So I think you embrace the emotion, and then you choose, is this the emotion that best serves me in this situation?
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B
Okay, and so in that same vein, then, do you have any tools? Is it breathing in the moment that you know you can catch yourself before you get to.
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A
So I mentioned a book at the very beginning of this thing where I talked about, like, stillness is the key. And that concept, stillness is important because stillness, what stillness does, is it in any situation, allows me to pause and choose the next course of action. Oftentimes, we're so reactionary, and we allow our. Our emotions to dictate the action. What I want to do is, in stillness, feel the emotion, pause, feel the emotion, and then choose my action. It's that split second that changes everything. It's like when something bad happens to you. And somebody says something to you as opposed to reacting, choose stillness, you know, and that it's such a. But if you. I mean, you see me a lot in even business settings. It's like I am calculated and I'm slow intentionally because it's that speed that allows me to choose the right outcome, that I want to choose the right emotion that serves the situation best versus intentionally. My dad used to say this, and it was an interesting thought. He used to. My dad is very, very calm. My dad is very calculated and my dad is not emotional. However, I would see him get frustrated and angry and then he would walk away from the situation. All of a sudden, he's calm again. I'd say, what was that? He'd say, well, sometimes you just have to cloud up and rain. What he was saying is, sometimes you have to choose an emotion that gives you the outcome you want. And sometimes you have to show them that there's emotion inside to create the right activity. So he would cloud up in rain and he'd walk away and he's totally back calm and normal. Right. Like it was an emotion. He chose to create the right outcome.
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B
In terms of living according to nature. I had a question. In terms of justice, would you say it could be argued that justice is up to interpretation?
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A
I think that there's two types of justice. We have what we would call natural justice, and then we would have man made justice. I think God's order on this planet has a natural justice to it. Right. And I think oftentimes justice is served whether man serves it or not. A lot of the stoic philosophers used to say the worst judgment typically comes in the mind of the offender, where true justice is actually served, meaning somebody that gets away with something. You know, I'm a firm believer that the energy that's created inside of the human experience oftentimes is the greatest deterioration. So, like, you know, I'll say something that's probably somewhat controversial, but I think that oftentimes ailments in the body are created by negative energies, by things that we have chosen in our life, cancer, things like that. It's like, I think that there are people who have lacked human judgment, who natural judgment, because they got away with something on the mind, their conscience has eaten them up, will create a negative energy that then. Then gives them, to me, a true justice, a natural justice. And so I think that the stoic philosophers believed that justice would take place. They very much believed in kind of their liberties, but they also believed in their government and things like that. And they wanted their government to serve justice. But they also believed that they shouldn't try to control justice, that justice would take care of itself, that even if somebody was let off or wasn't found out or there was no true justice, that it would be met and it would be. It would happen. When you live outside of alignment, right? I think that's where justice naturally begins to take place and that. And sometimes that's just in the. In the concept of consequences, right? Like when you live outside of natural order, there are always consequences just happen. And so when you see yourself outside of alignment, it's a constant correction. And I think it's an awareness of what's happening and giving yourself to it. There are times where I've seen my. You know, I'll give you, for instance, this last week, we're in a. When you get to the size business we have, there's always some. Somebody trying to sue you, somebody trying to take something off of you, somebody that's, you know, creating injustice, right? And they want what you have. They're coming after it. And, you know, there's always a perpetual someone that's coming after me. It's been that when you get. When you get to 50, $100 million, like, it's just the natural order, right? So there was somebody last week that, in my opinion, was asking for something that was unjust and using the court system to do it. And everything inside of me wanted to go destroy this person because I knew that I could, right? Like, I hold their reputation in my hand and I have a big enough pen and a big enough audience that I could create the narrative that destroys that person. I started down the path, and then I decided, you know, that justice is not for me to serve. Only thing I can do is live in alignment, in truth, believe that our court system will see that, you know, that I did what was right, that I did everything intentionally and according to law and allow it to happen because I don't want to create that negative energy in my own life. To me, that's living out of alignment. That's not my purpose. My purpose isn't to go tear somebody else down no matter what choice they make. Like, they may hate me, they may want everything from me, but in the end, it's not my job to judge them. Let the court system do it, or let the natural order do it and just live in alignment myself. And so I think I had to recenter be like, okay, it's not my job to create justice. It's not my job to determine that person's future or fate. Like I can only live in alignment to myself and am I living in true alignment for how I was created or what I was created to do?
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B
Okay, so then I'll ask, do you believe in a blanket yes or no, that at some point throughout history and life, justice will always be served?
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A
I do.
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B
Okay.
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A
It goes back to my greater belief about God and that is that I believe that God in his, let's just say his essence is love. And I think that love, while love kind of can cover a lot of things, love always also serves justice. I think love has a righteous side to it as well. And I think that if you as a parent. I have three sons, but two sons that maybe would argue about something and you'd see something unjust and I don't hurt one of them or take something from them because I don't love them or oftentimes I can see the entire situation and I can make right the situation. And I think that that's where I leave it in God's hands.
- [24:42]
B
Okay, moving to number three. The concept of remember you will die. From a personal side, when I was younger, I used to at night constantly think about, man, what if I die tonight? Or thinking about death. And that would keep me up in. In this principle it talks about, you could die at any time. So how do you find that balance of not too deep into the fear of death, which causes anxiety, versus living your life like it is your last day?
- [25:11]
A
It's a great, great point. I think that, you know, to your, to your question, it is just that it's isolating away fear and living in love. Living in love says, you know, what am I pursuing today? Living in fear says, what am I avoiding today? I'm not thinking about avoiding death. What I'm thinking about is pursuing life at a level that if I did die today, that it was a life worth living, that I would have seized the moment, that I would have, you know, had. Had the day that was intended for me. And so I think it's about living in love or living in fear. And it's like, if I live in love, I'm pursuing something, I'm living in fear that I'm avoiding something.
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B
And then lastly, number four, I was curious what you would say to people who would say loving your fate can create complacency. Like you're at a place of success right now. I know you personally, you always want to reach for more, but you could easily be happy with where you are. So how do you find that balance with getting complacent And I think that.
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A
Again, it goes back to alignment. I believe that God has created all humans for some things, some purpose. I believe that we all have a responsibility, and I think that that responsibility does not stop until we die. Right? And I believe that in loving our fate, whatever is put in front of me, I should pursue with the pursuit that it was created for me. It was created with my, you know, with intention for me. And so I could. Yeah, I could retire today. I could walk away, just go sit on the beach and do nothing. But it's like I was created for more. And in that, I have began to experience that more. And when you have more, you want more, and not more like a possessions thing. But it's like, I. What I want more of today is impact on other people. My old nonprofit's called Impact Others. And we have. We feed and educate about 5,200 children a day right now. It's like, I want 10,000, right? Like, I want more. Not because it's a. Not because it's a, you know, a selfish thing. I mean, like, I do feel great the more kids we feed, but. But it's because I believe I was created for more. Like, why would I stop? I'm 46 years old, and so, like, is that the pinnacle of my life? And I think that that's what people have to keep in mind, is that whatever you were created for, you have not hit the pinnacle or the peak of it, no matter what age you are, until death, then you complete your mission.
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B
Okay, so then at what extent do you feel like you can take control of your fate?
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A
So I actually don't believe that I am in control of my fate. I believe that I have to accept my fate. I can't control the good or the bad that happens to me. I can only go back. I can only control what I can, and I have to accept what I can't. Fate is one of those things where I walk into every day and every situation trying to be present, not trying to control the situation. Right. I can only control myself, not the situation.
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B
So then where does free will come in then?
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A
Right? This is a concept that I love to talk about. And most people, like, if you. If you believe that there's a God, like, if you're listening to the podcast and you're like, you align with me, you believe there is a God, I believe that then God has a will. Right? I think if you take the concept of God out and you just say fate, these are the series of events that are going to happen to me, whether I like it or not. I would go back to. I believe that there's a God, and I believe that the God of the universe, you know, has a will. But I do believe that it's expansive, not exclusive or all inclusive. Meaning, like there's only one path. Like here. Here's what I think about God, is that God is sovereign. He knows all things. He's omnipotent, he has all power and he's omniscient. He knows all things. And I also believe that he exists out of the concept of time because he's a spirit. Right. We have this human experience that's finite. I believe that. Let me say it this way. God is the ultimate chess player. The ultimate chess player isn't going to be concerned with your next move, because the ultimate chess player knows the nine moves that are possible based on your next one. And so when Bobby Fischer is playing chess, one of the greatest chess champions of all time, they said he would know eight to nine moves past whatever move you chose. And then he knew the reaction that he would take. I think God, in creating this human experience for us, allows us free will. Because without free will, I don't believe there's actually love. Right. Choice brings love. So free will then allows us to make human choices and begin to essentially create our human narrative. But I believe God is so omniscient, so omnipresent, so omnipotent that he's the ultimate chess player. So whatever move I choose, he can still enact his will through whatever choice I make. But think about that exponentially, through every human, every exponential choice that we could make. Right. And I think that's how powerful he is, is that he actually knows all things, you know, like. And he exists outside of time. So it's like, it's this fascinating concept and you get deep into the. To the will of God because I feel like there are natural places where we say, well, this was going to happen regardless. I think that there are some of those things that do happen regardless of what choice we make. Yeah, I think that there are things that we also impose on ourselves because of choices we make. And in the expansiveness of God, he allows those things to happen.
- [30:43]
B
Let's say, obviously part of your purpose is impact others. Right. If you today just decided to stop, do you feel like God would find another person?
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A
I do.
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B
Okay, so you think it's the action itself that would come to pass rather than the person that's used to.
- [30:57]
A
I really do, and I've seen that happen. So much there. I have so much evidence of that in my life that it's like when someone chooses not to walk in their purpose, it's like it becomes a purpose for someone else. And again, it goes back to. I think that that's where our finite minds struggle in the infiniteness of an omnipotent deity.
- [31:19]
B
My last thing I'll have with number four is for those who are in a fate currently that is not optimal, not ideal, how can they learn to love rather than hate that situation?
- [31:32]
A
Love oftentimes starts with a choice, not a feeling. It's allowing yourself to experience something in a different way. If you walked into the gym today and you picked up a weight and all you did was feel the weight of the resistance of that pain, and you said, wow, this feels horrible, or you could make the choice that this is going to make me better. This resistance is going to cause the reaction I want. That's what you have to do, is you have to get yourself out of. You know, And I've been in some horrible situations where it seems like in the moment, this is the worst possible thing you could ever go through in your life. If you can pick your head up, it's a practice of stillness. Again, if you can pick your head up for just a second and think, if I could learn to accept this, if I could learn to grow through this, if I could learn to be better because of this, no matter how horrible the situation is, if I could. I mean, think about. Think about the worst things that have ever happened. I don't know that there's anything worse than a child being taken advantage of. Right. Some of the most powerful people I've ever met on the entire planet are people who have been, you know, where we had the chance to rescue them out of sex trafficking. Now they're, you know, creating a life that they like. I can't physically say that that was a good thing to happen to them, but they get the choice at some point in their life to frame it in a way that either gives them power or it takes every power away. And that's that victim mentality. It's like if we sit inside of it, then it steals all power. But man, the people that have gone through the worst thing in their. Like, I can't imagine, you know, like, I've gone through some rough things in my life, but there are far worse things, right? Like, way worse. However, if that same person who's gone through that horrible thing chooses to change the narrative, the power they have increases at a level that I would never experience. You know, it's like their mission, their ability to help people, their story, like, the power is limitless. And so to the degree that someone's been hurt, I think I've heard it said that oftentimes for someone to be used significantly, they have to be hurt significantly. And that's because if they can reframe that, they can reframe that narrative, it changes the power that they possess. Okay, last thoughts. If you are going through this episode and you like these, I'd love to hear any others that you think that maybe I've left off. I know a lot of you read a lot of the stoic philosophers. There's any that left I've left off. I'd love to hear your thoughts on which one should be added to this list. And if you don't have a list, I'd love for you to consider these 4. Control what you can, accept what you can't. Live according to nature. Memento mori, remember you'll die. And amor fate. Love your fate. Thank you guys. Thanks so much for being a part of the podcast and for listening today. Love to connect with you further. And you can connect with me on social media at Eddie Wilson official on any of the social media channels.