EP 101: Wrestling with Insecurity & Obedience ft. Dinorah Peña

Summary

Podcast Summary: In Totality with Megan Ashley

Episode 101: Wrestling with Insecurity & Obedience ft. Dinorah Peña
Date: December 16, 2025
Guests: Host – Megan Ashley | Guest – Dinorah Peña
Theme: Navigating insecurity and obedience in the Christian walk, the role of the Holy Spirit, and the importance of both studying and delighting in God's Word.

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Overview

In this deep, vulnerable conversation, Megan Ashley reunites with her friend and fellow minister Dinorah Peña to discuss the ongoing journey of wrestling with insecurity, learning obedience, and cultivating delight in the Lord as Christians. They candidly explore what it means to trust the Holy Spirit in daily life, the nuance of sanctification, the reality of discouragement—even for leaders—and the often overlooked importance of finding joy in simple intimacy with God.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Growth Between Episodes: Finding Her Own Voice

• Dinorah’s journey: The first time she was on the show (Aug 2024), Dinorah was nervous about expressing her own thoughts after years of elevating others' voices in her career.
  • “The invitation to sit on this couch was the first invitation that I had to exercise my own voice. And that was very uncomfortable for me.” (05:11 – Dinorah)
  • She now carries a different ‘good nervous’ rooted in wanting to honor and represent God well.
• What changed: Learning to pray that her words would edify and shepherd, rather than obsess over perfection.

2. Insecurity & the Necessity of Dependence on the Holy Spirit

• Balancing healthy caution and paralyzing anxiety: Megan confesses how striving to do what's pleasing to God can quickly provoke anxiety and perfectionism.
  • “I just want to say and do what is pleasing to him…But I realize in myself…it quickly comes with anxiety for me.” (07:00 – Megan)
• Dinorah’s insight: Her insecurities, especially around language as a bilingual woman, highlight her deep dependence on the Holy Spirit for everything—including writing school papers after returning to academia.
  • “There is nothing that I can do without the Holy Spirit. Nothing.” (08:11 – Dinorah)
• The biblical perspective: Even biblical giants like Moses, Jeremiah, and Sarah confessed deep insecurity, and God still worked through them.
  • “The Lord will still do a work in and through you with the insecurity.” (11:46 – Dinorah)
• Obedience through dependence: Dinorah emphasizes choosing to be obedient and trusting the Holy Spirit over her own preferences or fears.
  • “I have just made a decision that I want to be obedient and that I’m going to place what He's calling me to above what I want.” (11:48 – Dinorah)

3. The Danger of Performance and the Call to Surrender

• Megan: Focusing too much on her own ability leads to prideful self-reliance.
  • “The Lord is like…that's your pride. That's you trying to rely on you?” (12:45 – Megan)
  • “There's only one seat on the throne, and it belongs to one person, and that is God, not you.” (13:22 – Megan)
• Advice: The Christian’s task is to “lay yourself on the altar every day,” practicing Romans 12 by offering yourself as a continual sacrifice rather than trying to control outcomes.

4. The Holy Spirit: Person, Power, and Practicality

• Misunderstandings: Many Christians either ignore or misconceive the Holy Spirit as mystical, failing to rely on Him practically.
  • “I think people often ignore the Holy Spirit as…just this thing that floats around…” (14:39 – Dinorah)
• Invitation to intimacy: They both stress the need to intentionally invite the Holy Spirit into everyday moments, from reading Scripture to responding to conviction.
  • “Invite the Holy Spirit into everything, into every conversation, into every…in your home, wherever you are, in your car.” (17:31 – Megan)
  • “When you invite the Holy Spirit and ask Him to permeate the space…everything in the space is under Him.” (17:31 – Dinorah)
• Memorable phrase: “Throw your weight around, Holy Spirit…Boss up, Holy Spirit.” (18:14–18:19 – Jordan & Megan)

5. Sanctification: The Ongoing, Honest Wrestle

• Sanctification process: It’s not instant. After the high of justification, Christians enter a lifelong process of being made holy, often through wrestling with temptation and failure.
  • “Sanctification is such a hard wrestle…especially for baby Christians.” (20:03 – Megan)
• Encouragement: The struggle itself is evidence that sanctification is happening:
  • “The fact that you are wrestling is the evidence that sanctification is happening.” (24:14 – Megan)
• Dinorah’s practical discipling: She encourages others to recognize conviction as evidence of growth, to repent quickly, and to pray for those who have wronged them.

6. God as Just Judge

• Expanded view of God: Dinorah shares how God has shown her His role as Judge, not just as loving and merciful:
  • “What if justice in your life is that you have peace? …that your health is restored?” (28:24 – Dinorah)
  • She urges listeners to trust in God’s definition and administration of justice, not their own.

7. Knowing God: More Than Just Reading the Bible

• Slow down and savor: Both stress the necessity of moving beyond skimming Scripture for knowledge to slow, patient study and simple delight.
  • “There’s a difference between reading and studying your word.” (31:03 – Dinorah)
  • “When we don’t sit down with the thing that we don’t understand…this is why we don’t understand the fullness of God.” (32:22 – Dinorah)
• Cultivating delight: Dinorah shares her practice of keeping a non-study Bible by her bed, reading it just for pleasure.
  • “So I do my Bible studies at a different time…and at night…just read to delight.” (36:11 – Dinorah)
• Megan’s worship experience: Instead of prepping or studying, she felt God prompt her to just worship and read Psalm 86, which brought her comfort and nourishment. (38:05–38:21)
  • “I wasn’t trying to exegete…I was just reading it and I was encouraged and I felt my strength come.” (38:21 – Megan)

8. Wrestling With Discouragement (Even as Leaders)

• Honest confession: Both admit to experiencing discouragement, lack of delight—even in ministry. They emphasize the importance of confession and asking God for help.
  • “I'm not delighting in any of this. There’s been a few times where I’ve been in church lately, and I'm just like, I'm just here.” (40:27 – Megan)
• Community matters: Ministry leaders go through the same fights as anyone tuned in for Bible study—the struggle doesn’t disappear with a platform (41:06 – Dinorah).

9. Delighting in Obedience: Stewardship, Not Ownership

• Key revelation: Megan is convicted that serving God is not about drudgery or obligation, but about finding joy (“delight”) in obeying Him.
  • “Delight in obedience is crazy.” (42:46–42:51 – Jordan)
  • “It's not ownership, it's stewardship, babe.” (43:24 – Megan)
• Megan: The work God calls us to is also for us, not just for others.

10. Singleness: Contentment, Desire, and Trust

• Dinorah’s honest journey: She’s learning to allow God to “tame” rather than “take away” the desire for marriage, asking for contentment while remaining open.
  • “Until he presents that to me, can he help tame the desire?” (49:34 – Dinorah)
• Real contentment vs. resigned acceptance: Dinorah admits that sometimes she’s tried to convince herself she’s content because she doesn’t trust God to answer with a yes.
  • “I realized that I tried to convince myself that I was content because I just didn’t trust the Lord to give it to me.” (52:47 – Dinorah)
• Ultimate fulfillment: Regardless of what God gives, Jesus is enough—He remains the “ultimate prize.” (54:58 – Megan)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “There’s only one seat on the throne, and it belongs to one person, and that is God, not you.” – Megan Ashley (13:22)
• “The Lord will still do a work in and through you with the insecurity.” – Dinorah Peña (11:46)
• “When you invite the Holy Spirit and ask Him to permeate the space…everything in the space is under Him.” – Dinorah Peña (17:31)
• “Delight in obedience is crazy.” – Jordan (42:46)
• “It's not ownership, it's stewardship.” – Megan Ashley (43:24)
• “What if justice in your life is that you have peace?” – Dinorah Peña (28:24)
• “I'm not delighting in any of this…I had to pause and be like, okay, Lord, instead of…complaining about it, let me confess it and ask for help.” – Megan Ashley (44:47)
• “Until he presents that [relationship] to me, can he help tame the desire?” – Dinorah Peña (49:34)
• “He is the ultimate prize. He is…and He's enough.” – Megan Ashley (54:14)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Returning, nervousness, and finding her voice – [04:48 – 06:56]
• Leaning on the Holy Spirit, insecurity & obedience – [08:11 – 13:07]
• Self-reliance and pride vs. surrender – [12:39 – 13:38]
• Understanding and relying on the Holy Spirit – [14:05 – 19:05]
• Sanctification, temptation, and spiritual struggle – [20:03 – 27:11]
• God as Judge and redefining justice – [27:27 – 29:34]
• Reading vs. Studying vs. Delighting in Scripture – [30:08 – 39:46]
• Honest struggle with discouragement and confession – [40:27 – 44:08]
• Learning to ‘delight in obedience’ and stewardship – [44:47 – 45:24]
• Navigating singleness, taming desire, and contentment – [47:13 – 53:53]
• Ultimate fulfillment in Christ – [54:14 – 54:58]

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Tone and Final Thoughts

The episode is marked by sincere vulnerability, relatable humor, and a deep longing for authenticity with God. Megan and Dinorah encourage listeners to be honest about their struggles, to cultivate intimacy with the Holy Spirit, and to allow themselves space for both discipline and delight in their faith walk. Their message is clear: every part of life—insecurities, struggles, study, worship, and obedience—finds its place when surrendered fully to Christ.

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Listen if you want:

• Real talk on spiritual insecurity and performance
• Practical advice on inviting the Holy Spirit into everyday life
• Encouragement for dry seasons in faith and ministry
• Support for singles seeking contentment and honest community

Next week: Part two of the conversation with Dinorah Peña!

Transcript

[Dinora Pina]

Quick Choose a meal deal with McValue, the five dollar McChicken meal deal, the $6 McDouble meal deal, or the new $7 Daily Double meal deal, each with its own small fries, drink and four piece of McNuggets. There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's for a limited time only.

[Megan Ashley]

Prices and participation may vary. Not by Albert McDelivery what's up fam? Listen, if you've been blessed by In Totality the podcast, then I want to personally invite you to go deeper by joining our Patreon community called the Village. Every Tuesday morning, the Village members get early access to the full episode of the podcast two days before it drops publicly on YouTube. So while everyone else is waiting, you're already soaking it in. But that's just the beginning. As a Village member, you get exclusive access to the In Totality docu series. It's a behind the scenes look at how I walk on my faith in real life. No filters, no fluff. Just real moments of me trusting the Lord, processing life and growing in truth. We also do live book club club zoom calls where we read and grow together in the Word. I'm not just talking at you worth walking through it together, asking questions, wrestling through scriptures, learning to follow Christ more fully. You know, like that Romans 12. You'll also get bonus content, extra conversations with podcast guests that go even deeper, plus moments that didn't make it to the episode but were just too good not to share. And one more thing, when you join the Village, you get first access to merch before drops public. So if you love the message and you want to rep the movement, you'll get first dibs every time. But more than the content, the Village is about community. It's a safe place for believers to connect and grow and be reminded that you're not doing this walk alone. You're a part of something real. We're building something special and we would love for you to be a part. So hit pause, go to www.patreon.com meganashley and join today and I'll meet foreign what's up you guys? Welcome back to another episode. Listen, this is going to be a part one and two with my girl Dinora. We are talking about all the things delighting in the Lord, sanctification, not raising good things into idols. Listen, you do not want to miss this conversation. This is part one and part two will be next week. We be going through the same stuff at the same time.

[Dinora Pina]

Time Megan and I were on the phone for literally like three hours the other day because. And this. Is this the conversation like, yo, we are feeling so discouraged.

[Megan Ashley]

Am I God or are you God? Which one? We both can't be God. We both can't be God and we both ain't.

[Jordan]

And huh?

[Megan Ashley]

Holy Spirit, you're welcomed, baby.

[Dinora Pina]

Commune with me, huh? Permeate the space, huh?

[Megan Ashley]

But you, you, you know what I'm saying?

[Jordan]

I think you see, that was the Holy Spirit. When we talk about. That was the Holy Spirit. Do you know what you just said?

[Megan Ashley]

What's up, you guys? Welcome back to another episode of In Totality. I am your host, Megan Ashley. And today I have my girl, the one and only minister, Pastor Deaconess Eldris. I don't even know that's a word.

[Dinora Pina]

Not Eldris.

[Megan Ashley]

Preacher teacher. My sister Nora is back with the.

[Jordan]

Thank you, Pastor.

[Megan Ashley]

Don't start.

[Jordan]

Thank you.

[Megan Ashley]

Don't start you Pastor.

[Jordan]

Now listen, I just want to say Target may have canceled the ei, but not Megan Ashley. Baby, it is Hispanic Heritage Month. She said, she said, hey, we got 30 days to bring you on this show. Bring the Dominican from the Bronx back.

[Megan Ashley]

I really have had such a multicultural season.

[Jordan]

DEI is in full effect. Okay?

[Megan Ashley]

She's so stupid. It's like had a 30 day window. I said before the end of the year. I need Hispanic representation. Okay? I had nobody of the Hispanic culture on the pod. I know who to call. Dinora Pina, because that's her name.

[Jordan]

Listen, I'm so happy you're here. Me too.

[Megan Ashley]

Thanks for coming all the way back from Cali.

[Dinora Pina]

Thank you. I will come.

[Megan Ashley]

I know you will.

[Dinora Pina]

9 million miles for you, my friend. I love you all the time.

[Megan Ashley]

I'm so excited because we were just talking about last time you were here. You were so first of all, you were just in a different place and we can get into all things. You were just in a totally different place. And when did you come last time?

[Dinora Pina]

August 2024.

[Megan Ashley]

So it's been a year since you. Since you've been back on the pod and things have changed.

[Dinora Pina]

My entire life has changed. My entire life has changed.

[Megan Ashley]

Your entire life has changed. But the difference that we were talking about just a second ago is like you were so nervous when you came and then now it's just different. Tell me about that.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah, I'm still nervous, but it's a different nervousness.

[Megan Ashley]

Okay.

[Dinora Pina]

Like when I came, the invitation to sit on this couch was the first invitation that I had to exercise my own voice. And that was very uncomfortable for me.

[Megan Ashley]

Got it.

[Dinora Pina]

Because as we talked about in that episode, I have a lifetime. Every single facet of my career was me pushing somebody else's voice forward. And even when I exercised my own, it was on behalf of somebody else. Yeah. And so it was the first time that I'm like, well, these are my.

[Jordan]

Thoughts and this is what the Lord.

[Dinora Pina]

Is doing in my life. And it was nerve wracking because you're, you're not used to hearing your own thoughts out loud. You're not used to formulating opinions or.

[Megan Ashley]

Without representing someone else.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah. Like, you're just not. It was just very different. And I remember I, I came here and I was literally shaking. I was crying. You went into full blown intercessory prayer for me. And, and yeah, I was very, very nervous. And so this experience now this second time, I'm still nervous, but it's a different nervous. It's a nervous that I know you'll really relate to, which is like, I just want whatever I say to be pleasing to the Lord and.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

Right. It's, it's. I want to make sure that everything that I say is edifying.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

That can hopefully prayerfully shepherd other people closer to the Lord and that it's honest and in and true. Right. And so that's the nervousness now, which I know that even as I experience it, I know that it's good nervousness. And I, and I pray that the Lord recognizes that. Oh, you love me and you want to represent me really well.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

You know.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. What, what do you. Because I. We talk about this.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

And I struggle. Were just talking about this the other day. I was like, we, we have, we be going through the same stuff at the, at the same time time. And, and we were talking the other day about how much of a blessing it is because you have somebody that you can like lean on and be like, girl, me too. But you know what? I'm going to encourage you and you want to encourage me and we just going to stand shoulder to shoulder and we gonna figure this thing out. Right. That is so. But when you talk about like the nervousness of like, I just, I just want to say and do what is pleasing to him. I, I share that same heart. But I realize in myself that it, it quickly comes with anxiety for me. Like, there's a huge opportunity for me to become anxious. So how do you balance the difference for you, at least? How is that? Like, how do you navigate through. I just want to do what's pleasing to him without that, without that becoming an obsession where it get. Gives you anxiety and, and, and keeps you from doing anything. Because for me, sometimes I can think on that too much and it keeps me from actually being obedient for sure.

[Dinora Pina]

I think honestly for me it's the recognition that there is nothing that I can do without the Holy Spirit. Yeah, there is nothing. Like what that continuously teaches me is that my entire life was created to be fully dependent on him. Even for the small things like life Update. I'm in school, right? And going back.

[Megan Ashley]

She's a min. Theologian. Theologian.

[Jordan]

I'm only in my second semester.

[Dinora Pina]

But it's the, it's the fact like I'mma age myself right now. But like going back to school after almost two decades of not being in school. What do you mean, write a 20 page paper?

[Jordan]

Girl, I barely know how to speak Spanish or English. You want me to write a paper? You want me to have grammar? I don't know grammatically if I'm speaking English or Spanish to you right now. Like what do you mean write a 20 page paper?

[Megan Ashley]

20 pages sounds crazy. And you did it. I'm so proud of you.

[Dinora Pina]

And I got a 94. But here's the thing, but here's the thing. Like I remember looking at. Because last. Not last year, I was going to say last year, this spring, 2025 was my first semester and I took three classes being all ambitious. The overly ambitious person that I've always, that I've always been only to very quickly after getting the syllabus, realize, girl, ma', am, why would you do this? You have not been in school in almost 20 years. Yeah, right. And so, but I was like, well, we're gonna power through. And literally as I'm reading the syllabuses for these three classes, I'm like, oh, if I get through this ain't gonna be nothing but the Holy Spirit for sure. And I like when I tell you just leaning. I mean I leaned, I leaned on the Holy Spirit. To even watch a lecture, I leaned on the Holy Spirit. Like every single moment was me. Purely like when I tell you all of that has been nothing but the work of the Holy Spirit.

[Megan Ashley]

For sure. For sure.

[Dinora Pina]

And so that's, that's what it is for me. That even when. Because one of the things, and I think you and I talked about this previously, like one of the things that I battle as a bilingual woman is insecurity with my speech. Because like I'll be speaking English, but my grammar's in Spanish or vice versa.

[Megan Ashley]

Got it.

[Dinora Pina]

And so when I was in school in the Bronx. It like. It was like, okay, whatever. But then when I got to college and I'm at a PWI and people are like, oh, my God, you got an accent. Where you from? I'm like, way to have an accent. And then I got to. And then I'm like a part of the newspaper on the features team. And, like, having the features editor fully criticized my writing. Right. And so I. I've. I've. There's. There's an insecurity, like, I think so much about the words because I'm afraid.

[Jordan]

I mean, I think Jordan was laughing with me yesterday because I did a story and I didn't even know how to say the English. I was like, what is a cicadora in English? It's a hair dryer. Okay. I do not. I did not. I did not remember. You know what I'm saying?

[Dinora Pina]

And so, funny enough that even that is something that prevents me oftentimes from even putting my face on stories and just speaking on stories, because I'm like, I don't even be knowing what these words are. You know what I'm saying?

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

But I'm like, yo, what the Bible continuously teaches us, even with people, it's like, look at the insecurity that Jeremiah confessed to the Lord. Look at the insecurity that Moses confessed to the Lord. Like, look at the insecurity that Sarah even confessed.

[Jordan]

She was like, baby, I am like, 150.

[Megan Ashley]

What you mean? What do you mean? Yeah, for sure.

[Dinora Pina]

And so it's like the. The Lord will still do a work in and through you with.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah, that. With the insecurity.

[Dinora Pina]

With the insecurity. Right. And so I say all that to say that I just. I 1 have just made a decision that I want to be obedient and that I'm going to place what he's calling me to above what I want.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

And I just trust my. I just trust the Holy Spirit enough to carry me through it. Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

And so all I have to do is make a decision to lean on the Holy Spirit.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. And I think. I think what's the biggest thing that I guess I'm learning in this, too, is that when I think too much on my insecurities or when I get. When I get too focused on or allow myself to be anxious about. Oh, I just want to do the right thing. I just want to do that. The Lord is like, and as pride.

[Dinora Pina]

No, wait.

[Jordan]

Clock it.

[Megan Ashley]

Because he's like, and. And that's your pride.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

That's you trying to rely on You?

[Dinora Pina]

Yes. Oh, that's so good.

[Megan Ashley]

You know what I'm saying? And. And, And. And that's the thing. It's like even. We have to be even mindful of that. Of being so worked up in you doing a thing.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

That you forget it. Is he that is doing the thing in you. It's him that's doing the thing through you.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

So it's like, just rely on me. Just trust in me. Don't be anxious for what I'm doing. Let me do it. You're anxious because you're worried about what you're doing.

[Dinora Pina]

Let me be God because. Why are you trying to be God?

[Megan Ashley]

Why are you trying to be God? Am I God or are you God? Which one? We both can't be God. We both can't be God, and we both ain't. Huh? There's only one seat on the throne, and it belongs to one person, and that is God, not you.

[Dinora Pina]

Absolutely.

[Megan Ashley]

You know what I'm saying? So it's constantly. It's constantly having the discipline to. To act out Romans 12 all the time. To lay yourself on the altar every day.

[Dinora Pina]

Sacrifice.

[Megan Ashley]

Not on the throne.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

And when I start to get too anxious about the deliverables of the thing, then I realize, like, oh, okay, I'm. I'm in the wrong position. I'm on the throne when I need to be on the altar.

[Dinora Pina]

Come on. Do you think that some of that for people has to do with people not understanding the person of the Holy Spirit?

[Megan Ashley]

I. I do. I don't think that we rely on him as much. We don't acknowledge his power as much. Like, he is a present that dwells. Dwells within us. He is our helper. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, he help. He is our helper. He is our like. And I think that we don't acknowledge the third.

[Dinora Pina]

I think that people don't know what to do.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

I genuinely do believe that people don't know. Don't even understand the Trinity one, which I understand. It is very complex. Yeah, it's very complex. But, yeah, I do think that. I think that people often ignore the Holy Spirit as, like, this answer. Oh, it's just this thing floats. That floats something around, you know, like.

[Megan Ashley]

Cast for the ghost.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

He's just like.

[Dinora Pina]

Like, yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

Mystical and. Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah. And it's like. And. And I will say that what this has done. And I will honestly say it more in, like, the past two years. I have strongly felt in the past few years the presence and my relationship with the Holy Spirit.

[Megan Ashley]

That's good.

[Dinora Pina]

Like, really understanding. Like, again, even with the small things, like, you'll just see a difference. Like, I might have a reading assignment. And I'm like, what does this say? And I'll recognize. Bro, you didn't even invite the Holy Spirit to read with you people.

[Megan Ashley]

Do you know how important it is that we open up scripture and ask the Holy Spirit to illuminate the word of God for us? Like, help.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

Don't open up this thing and just be like, okay, boop. A doo would do.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

You know what I'm saying? It's like, nah, you need to open this thing up and be like, holy.

[Jordan]

Spirit, teach me the scriptures.

[Megan Ashley]

Illuminate. Teach. Help me understand.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

Lead me and guide me through this word. Because if you're trying to lean on your own understanding, baby, let me tell.

[Dinora Pina]

You, you going to isog the whole thing is.

[Megan Ashley]

I mean, just read yourself into the text. That's what I wanted to say.

[Jordan]

Yeah. You know, like, the people that. That think that I will give you the desires of your heart means that he's going to give you the Bentley people.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. Or when they read. When they read David and they're. David, it's like, that ain't no, no, no, no. You need to read this scripture with the help of the Holy Spirit, focusing on the. The. The main character, which is Christ.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

Do you know what I'm saying? And so I think that that's a huge thing, and that's why I. I pray this and because I heard my mom pray it a lot, but I understand it now that I'm an adult and I have my own relationship with the Lord. But she used to always say, holy Spirit, stand up fully in me. Stand up fully in me. Like, stand up in me. Be present in me. Lead me, guide me. Like, help me make the right decisions. Give me the power to do what you are commanding me to. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, stand up fully in me. And I think that we need, like, I was praying before we got started. Invite the Holy Spirit into everything, into every conversation, into every. In your home, wherever you are, in your car. Right. Holy Spirit, you're welcomed, baby.

[Dinora Pina]

Commune with me, huh? Permeate the space, huh? That's my favorite one. Because I just get these. This visual anytime. I just. When I pray and I ask the Holy Spirit to just permeate the space, I get, like, this visual of, like, his consuming power in the space. And I'm like, yo, once I invite the Holy Spirit, because when you Invite it. He comes. And so when I invite the Holy Spirit and I ask him to permeate the space. Space. Everything in the space is under him.

[Megan Ashley]

Yep. And that's what you want. And I love. I, I. The first time I ever heard it was through Dr. Serita and Dr. Mason. But then when they would pray, they would say, throw your weight around.

[Jordan]

Oh, I like you better. Boss up, Holy Spirit. Boss up.

[Megan Ashley]

You know what I'm saying? I love that. Throw your weight around.

[Jordan]

Come on, champ.

[Megan Ashley]

I like that. Right?

[Jordan]

I like that.

[Megan Ashley]

Don't lose weight around you. It's like, throw your weight around. Like, do what you do.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

You know what I'm saying? Show your power.

[Jordan]

That's crazy.

[Megan Ashley]

You take control, and that's what we need to be like. I just. Yeah. I think that, to your point, I don't think that we. We acknowledge and rely on the Holy Spirit as we should.

[Dinora Pina]

I think people just don't. I genuinely do believe that it's. It's ignorance.

[Megan Ashley]

Right.

[Dinora Pina]

It's. It's a. It's a lack of knowledge of who the Holy Spirit is. Meanwhile, again, if you are in Christ, you actually experience the work of the Holy Spirit every day.

[Megan Ashley]

I just don't think that we're acknowledging.

[Dinora Pina]

We're acknowledging that. That's what it is. I feel like you have a series coming up, right? Like, on the Trinity.

[Megan Ashley]

I. What?

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah. No, no.

[Megan Ashley]

Okay. I don't got a series coming up on the Trinity. The Trinity, Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

I feel like teachers on the Holy.

[Megan Ashley]

You're in theology school?

[Jordan]

No, no, I'm in Theology one.

[Megan Ashley]

I haven't been in a class. I am still working on my admissions. Okay.

[Jordan]

You don't want to admit.

[Dinora Pina]

I.

[Megan Ashley]

No, I am. I, I actually, I'm starting my application for school right now. The school that I'm applying to, you know, I have to write this paper and. But the paper that I'm writing is on sanctification.

[Jordan]

Oh, that's perfect.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. Right. Which I'm excited about. But. But the Trinity. No, let me get into.

[Dinora Pina]

Okay.

[Megan Ashley]

Two years into school. Because the Trinity is a hard topic.

[Dinora Pina]

It is very hard.

[Megan Ashley]

You don't know how to describe it. You don't know how to get. Like, I'm. Yeah, I'll leave that for like. Yeah, let Jackie do that. She can do it.

[Jordan]

Jackie.

[Megan Ashley]

Let Jackie do the Trinity. I. Sanctification.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

Now I might do a series on sanctification because I think sanctification is what I was telling you about the other day. I think sanctification is such a hard wrestle. That we have with Christians. And I think especially for baby Christians, like you go from receiving justification and I feel like you're on this high and you're like, oh, I'm justified. Like all the things. And you think that you're immediate about to be glorified in the glorification. And it's like, that's not how. Say that's not how it works. You have to go through a process, a lifelong process. Lifelong process of sanctification. And. And we were just talking about a story that you were saying with somebody that was wrestling with some sin.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

In their life. And I think that that isn't. I think that we need to do a better job encouraging people. Because there is a lot of rhetoric that if you are struggling with temptations, with sin, then you're not saved. That God hasn't done a work, that you haven't fully accepted the Lord in all the things. And that's just not true.

[Dinora Pina]

It's not biblical. Nowhere in the Bible did any one of these authors, by the power of the Holy Spirit, tell you that you would be live a life free of persecution, free of suffering, free of temptation. You mean the very thing that Jesus experienced his entire life that God would send him like. That God would send him to be incarnate here on earth with us to experience what we experience so that he would be a merciful and faithful high priest.

[Megan Ashley]

Correct. Interceding on our behalf. Huh.

[Dinora Pina]

And that you would think that temptation. Like it left.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

When. But it's.

[Megan Ashley]

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[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

When you wrestle with things. I know, it discourages me.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

When, when I'm, when I'm, you know, tempted to feel that God isn't with me, when I'm tempted to, you know, have an attitude, when I'm tempted to be depressed, when I'm like those things or whatever. Whatever you struggle with that can feel discouraging because it's like, lord, I thought we've gotten over this by now or whatever. But I think the encouraging thing is like we were talking about is the fact that you are wrestling is the evidence that sanctification is happening.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

Do you know what I'm saying?

[Dinora Pina]

Absolutely.

[Megan Ashley]

So when you, so when you talk, because I, you have a ministry that you, you, you shepherd and you disciple lots of women. When you have women that struggle with that, what is your encouragement and how do you disciple somebody through that?

[Dinora Pina]

I mean, it's exactly what you said. You know, I had a conversation two days ago, actually yesterday with a woman who is going through some things in a friendship, and she found herself feeling good about the other person, experiencing some challenges because she felt betrayed by that person. Right. And so she's like, dinora, why did I feel like this? Like, she was so hard on herself for even feeling like that. And so immediately I encouraged her because I'm like, wait, but one, number one, you felt that way because you are a human person who has human experiences. Right. And so that's why you felt that way. But here's what you need to acknowledge. You need to acknowledge that as you felt it, you were immediately convicted.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

That is the evidence.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

Of the sanctification that the Lord is doing in your life. Yeah. And so now what. How do you respond to that is what's important too.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

So wait, I felt so happy that I felt like, oh, you're getting your leg back immediately. As I felt it, I felt convicted. Repent. Pray without ceasing that the Lord will remove the wickedness from your heart and intercede on behalf of the person that you felt that for.

[Megan Ashley]

Yep, that's good.

[Dinora Pina]

Intercede on her behalf. Because you know what? There was a betrayal here. Right. And so that. That you feel and you believe that you've been a victim of. And so pray for your enemy and.

[Megan Ashley]

Those who persecute you.

[Dinora Pina]

And those who persecute you. And so right now, in this scenario, she's your enemy. Intercede on her behalf. Yeah. Ask that the Lord would reveal to her her wickedness.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. So that she would come to a place of repentance.

[Dinora Pina]

So that she can get to repentance.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. I think that's something that's. We. That's hard for people because when you've been portrayed, you feel justified in feeling something negative. Somebody else, man. Somebody does something wrong to you, we immediately feel justified in, you know, well, I don't forgive your. Well, that doesn't apply to this situation because of how the magnitude of how they've hurt me. And it's like there is no clause. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, there's no clause that says, well, if they've done X, Y, and Z, then you have the right to respond in this way. And it's like, no, like you said. And what. But what I realize is, is that. And I feel like the Lord kind of convicted me about this is like, you can't control the pace at which God sanctifies you. We can't control the pace at which he is sanctify us. However, I can control the pace in which I confess and repent.

[Dinora Pina]

Come on. That's good.

[Megan Ashley]

I can control that.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

So when it does come up, and we have to be mindful to. To not. To not ignore the promptings and the convictions of the Holy Spirit, when that thing comes up, we need to quickly confess and repent.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes, quickly. You said something earlier that reminded me. You said something about justice. And one of the things that I experienced over the past two years is God really revealing himself to me as judge. Because here's the thing. A lot of the things that we mostly think about God, they're all true. Yes. He's good.

[Megan Ashley]

Yes.

[Dinora Pina]

He's loving. Yes. He's kind. Yes. He's merciful. Yes. He's faithful.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. Yes.

[Dinora Pina]

And he's also judged.

[Megan Ashley]

Hello.

[Dinora Pina]

And we don't think about God as judge.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. Or we try to put it.

[Dinora Pina]

Or we try to put it in the bag. Right? And so one of the. One of the ways that the Lord really revealed himself to me over the past few years was how he is judged, who administers justice and who determines what justice looks like.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

And so here's the thing. I was fighting hard for justice. Right. In the earthly way. Fighting hard for justice. Fighting hard for justice. And one day I felt the Lord, that was like, stop, Stop. What if justice in your life is that you have peace? What if justice in your life is that you haven't had another suicidal ideation? What if justice life is that you're no longer anxious? What if justice in your life is that you're sleeping? What if justice in your life is that your health is restored?

[Megan Ashley]

Hello.

[Dinora Pina]

You're worried about justice the way that you see it.

[Megan Ashley]

Come on.

[Dinora Pina]

Come on. I see justice differently. And I. When he. And. And here's the thing. A lot. A lot of how we want justice is also wrapped in pride.

[Megan Ashley]

Hello?

[Dinora Pina]

Because I was like, nah, nah.

[Megan Ashley]

Cuz I want them to suffer.

[Jordan]

And God is like, stop.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah, don't worry.

[Dinora Pina]

And so then there's also a trust that you have to have that in however the Lord chooses to administer justice. He is just in that.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

He is merciful in that. And so that. That's. That's also a thing. Like, yo, we also have to. It's like, yo, we have to have.

[Jordan]

All of these attributes of God present in our mind.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. And think through all of them. I think that's the thing too, is have the patience to think through all of who he is. Not just one aspect, but think he is always who. The fullness of who he is. He's always that all the time.

[Dinora Pina]

But we don't know the fullness unless.

[Megan Ashley]

Huh?

[Dinora Pina]

Huh.

[Megan Ashley]

You got to get in the book. You gotta get in the book.

[Dinora Pina]

This is why we don't know the.

[Megan Ashley]

Fullness of God, because we not. We're not reading our Bible. Huh? Huh? You gotta listen. This is for me.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

Megan, you gotta know the reason why you so anxious is because you're not reading and knowing the fullness of who I am. The reason why you're doubting is because you're not reading the fullness of who I am and allowing it to deposit to be deposited in your heart. You know what I mean? I realized so much of how I just. I was telling Jordan this the other day that I just would be reading a word and I'll be just flipping it, and he's like, sit and meditate on this for A minute. Sit and. And meditate on that for a minute. Chew on it for a second.

[Dinora Pina]

Didn't I just said that to Jay earlier? I'm like, yo, I feel like as a society where, like, especially as, like, Christian influencers have taken a rise, like, there's almost like this thing of, like, I. We just got to know everything right away and this and that and.

[Megan Ashley]

And.

[Dinora Pina]

And you're powering through, like, the entire book of the Bible in 365 days. And here's the thing. Let me be clear. I'm there. Like, there's nothing wrong with wanting to. To. To read the Bible. Like there's Bible plans. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. I want to be clear, but I also want to be clear that there's a difference between reading and studying your word. Ma', am, can I tell you I was in Hebrews. I've spent like the past two or three months in Hebrews. Do you know that? I could not move past Hebrews. It took me. I'm gonna tell you right now how long it took me. Notes she got, baby, they just be falling out. It took me. Look at this. This took me like 17 days. Because you don't want to know what I could not move past. I could not move past verse seven. He says of the angels. He says he makes his angels, winds, and his ministers a flame of fire. What do you mean? A minister is a flame of fire.

[Megan Ashley]

For sure.

[Dinora Pina]

I spent no lie. Four days researching what you mean by you make your ministers a flame of fire.

[Megan Ashley]

For sure. For sure.

[Dinora Pina]

And so it's moments like that when we don't sit down with the thing that we don't understand that we don't understand.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

This is why we don't understand the fullness of God.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

Because we will read past. We'll be reading scripture and we'll read past words that we don't even know the definitions of and just.

[Megan Ashley]

Just keep going.

[Dinora Pina]

Insert our own presuppositions. I'd be like, oh, that. That got to be what this means and all that.

[Megan Ashley]

And then just listen. I'm. I'm reading. Listen for. So. For the book that I have the. The paper that I have to do, I have to read this book.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

And I literally. And this. It's a. It's not the easiest read. Right. It's a bunch of run on sentences.

[Jordan]

Maybe just keep that dictionary right next to you, girl.

[Megan Ashley]

I had my Bible, and it was scripture words. I didn't know what was happening. I had my Bible, I had My phone so I could look up definitions. There was words that I didn't know I had. I had my Bible for scripture, I had my iPad so that I could look up different versions of Scripture. It's like take. I think that we have to be patient.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

I think that is the biggest thing, is that there is. We don't exercise enough patience to study the word, ask questions and wrestle, pray, take a break, come back, pray again, read through the same. If you got to read through the same sentence ten times, that's okay.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

There is no rush to read through the entire. It. It's. And there's. Again, like you said, there's nothing wrong with if you have a Bible plan. Yeah, I'm gonna read through the Bible in a year. Cool. There's nothing wrong with that. But like you said, there's a difference between reading something for sure. Studying something. And studying means I. I'm gonna read this. I'm gon to pull out questions. I'm going to question the text. Not question God. I'm saying question. What is.

[Dinora Pina]

Ask the text questions.

[Megan Ashley]

Ask the text questions. What is this text saying? I'm going to take my time to say, okay, if I'm reading first Thessalonians, what. Who wrote it? Yeah, who are the Thessalonians? What is the error? What is the culture? I'm going to take time so that I can fully understand what it is I'm reading so that I can put myself in the opportunity to fully get the revelation that God wants to give me.

[Dinora Pina]

And here's the thing, you're going to. Because we know this, we have a lifetime of reading the same scriptures, and every single time we get a new revelation. But man, when you just to your point, just get the context. Just get the context. To start with the most immediate revelation. Just get the context and listen, here's the thing. Because one of the things that I have had to fight is for every moment to be a Bible study. Yeah, I have to fight that. Because here's the thing, if I'm very honest with the village, I have to fight it. Because why? You know this, our Bible study processes. You said it over here, it's 900 commentaries, the Bible on the iPad, the. The Bible in 900 different versions, like the dictionary here, all these things. And so what happens is, is that it can. It makes every Bible study, every experience.

[Megan Ashley]

Feel.

[Dinora Pina]

What's the word that I'm trying to say here?

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah, it feels like. It feels more. It feels heavy like, or edge or not educational. But it's like, it's not. Yeah. I don't know a word for that.

[Dinora Pina]

But I want to say that it takes a joy out of it, but.

[Megan Ashley]

But, like, there's no delight. I think it takes away the delight.

[Dinora Pina]

The delight.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

See? Thank you for coming in for your Latina friend.

[Jordan]

It is a delight, right?

[Dinora Pina]

Like, it. It can not always.

[Jordan]

Because, you know, we be in there and we're like, oh, just eating it up.

[Dinora Pina]

Right.

[Jordan]

There'd be those.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

But then when you program yourself that every single time you sit, it has to be that it can take the delight away. And so one of the things that I have started to do, I have this. I have a Bible that's not a study Bible. And I literally, when I make my bed, I put it on my bed so that at night when I'm about to go to bed, I take it and I just read to delight.

[Megan Ashley]

Light.

[Dinora Pina]

Right. And so I do my Bible studies at a different time where I'm at a desk and I'm studying and st. You know, so I. I want to be conscious of that, because I don't want to.

[Megan Ashley]

You need both. I don't think it is this or this. I. That you take time in your day to just delight in the Lord. Yes. Pray, spend time, worship. Like, this morning, I felt I was like, really just, you know, and I told you, I just been in, like, a weird space, you know what I'm saying? Just trying to fight a lot of discouragement. And. And anytime that I have to do anything, whether it's podcasting, whether it's a speaking engagement, whether it's the village doing a Bible study with them, whatever I have to, have to do, I am immediately discouraged.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

Immediately flooded with all types of anxiety. The enemy is just screaming accusations in my mind. Like, it. I am. It's over. Sometimes it can be overwhelming. And so this morning here, I'm. I'm like, fine. And then all of a sudden, here I start to. I'm like, okay, Lord, like, here we go. We're another day, another podcast day. And immediately, a wave of discouragement. And so I just laid in my bed and I felt like the Lord was like. Like, I don't want. Because. Because me again. I gotta prep. I gotta study, you know, commentaries and this, and I just wanna make sure. And. And. And I started to do the to do list in my mind, and I felt like the Lord was like, I just want you to worship me. I don't want you to do anything but just worship me. That's it. I want you to Worship me. And so I. I turned on a song that. That ministers to my heart often. And so I just played this song and I just sat in my bed. I literally put the pillow on my face and I. And then I felt like the Lord was like, I want you to go read Psalms 80. What is it? 86. I want you to go read Psalms 80. Like, that immediately just came in my heart. Read Psalms 86. So then I open up Psalms 86.

[Dinora Pina]

Oh, what he told you?

[Megan Ashley]

And I am just weeping. I, like, barely could see this. The pages because I'm just crying as I'm just reading the Word. And that's the difference. I wasn't reading it to study. Yeah, to. To study. I was just delighting in.

[Dinora Pina]

You got your mana, baby.

[Megan Ashley]

You know what I'm saying? And it was like, I just read it and I was encouraged and I felt. I felt my strength come. I felt encouragement come. I felt the comfort of the Lord. I felt his love. Like. And I wasn't trying to exegete, you know what I'm saying? And like, here's my five points to Psalms 86. And da, da, da. No, I was just reading it, and I'm like, Like, the first thing it says is, listen, Lord, and answer my prayer. And I'm like, this is exactly what I'm about to say. I am poor and needy. I'm like, I am poor. You know what I'm saying? And so just like, I think we. I just want to encourage. And I think what we're saying is we want to encourage people to. Yes. Take time to study your word.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

But also take time to delight.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah. And here's the thing. Delighting in the word. Word will help you delight in the study.

[Megan Ashley]

Yes.

[Dinora Pina]

Delighting in the study will help you delight in the words. Right. And so I had.

[Megan Ashley]

Together.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes, I had to do that because I was. I found myself going through a couple days where I was like, let me go pull out my iPad.

[Megan Ashley]

Let me go do this.

[Dinora Pina]

Let me go down. Let me get the commentaries over by. And I will start to be like, you know what? Come back to this tomorrow. But. And then. And I really felt the Lord say, you just take the tediousness out of it. Just delight in it. Yeah, just sit and delight.

[Jordan]

And I mean, maybe I'd be in my bed like this, rubbing my feet real. My little word, you know what I'm saying?

[Dinora Pina]

Not.

[Jordan]

Not little one, but, you know, big word, but, you know.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And it changes everything.

[Megan Ashley]

And I think that there's nothing wrong to say, you Know God, I haven't been delighting. I'm not delighting. I think when you feel that way, acknowledge it, confess it. Lord. I am not delighting in you. Yes. I'm not delighting in my time with you. I'm not delighting in my intimacy with you. I'm not delighting reading your word. I ain't delighting your people, babe. I'm not, I'm not delighting in fellowship. I'm not delighting in church.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

I'm not delight. And I've been going through that season. No, you're fine. I've been, I've been in that season where I'm just like, I'm not delighting in any of this. There's been a few times where I've been in church lately, and I'm just like, I'm just here.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

You know what I'm saying? I'm just here.

[Dinora Pina]

I'm so glad that you're saying that because I think it's so important for the village to hear people that they perceive as like, oh, they're always right. They never go through discouragement. They never this, like, Megan and I were on the phone for literally, like.

[Jordan]

Three hours the other day because.

[Dinora Pina]

And this is, this was a conversation like, yo, we are feeling so discouraged.

[Megan Ashley]

We are, like, struggling.

[Dinora Pina]

And this is just the truth of what it is like, on this side too. Like, you are on the other end, tuned into the Bible study, participating in the Bible study, baby. The fight that you go through to get your scripture, but you find motivation when you're doing it in community with us. We went through the same fight on our own.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

And it is not easy. And I think that there's a degree that I, I, I'm not trying to compare it, but I, I, I, I know, at least for you, and I personally ask people, as people not about oh, ministry, that we feel it heavier because we recognize what we've been called to correct. And so it often feels like disobedience for us when we are, when we are going through the discouragement. And then we're like, we give into the discouragement. We're like, okay, so then I' ma.

[Jordan]

Just like, you know, and I'm beyond tick tock. Lord, for hours.

[Megan Ashley]

Rolling, bro.

[Jordan]

Baby, look at, looking at Kev on stage. Rapture videos.

[Megan Ashley]

Literally.

[Jordan]

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm still here, right?

[Megan Ashley]

Like hours.

[Dinora Pina]

Just like, kev, what's the next one?

[Megan Ashley]

Literally. Yeah. But I also think too, that, that I have, for me, I have to fight the Pride in the. Well, I gotta do it because. And the Lord is like, first of all, I don't need you.

[Dinora Pina]

Huh?

[Megan Ashley]

Let's get that straight. I don't need you. You need to also delight in obedience.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Jordan]

That hit me. Delight in obedience is crazy.

[Megan Ashley]

But you, you know what I'm saying?

[Jordan]

I think you see, that was the Holy Spirit. When we talk about. That was the Holy Spirit. Do you know what you just said?

[Dinora Pina]

How about you?

[Jordan]

Delight in obedience. That was crazy work.

[Megan Ashley]

But do you know?

[Jordan]

Wow.

[Megan Ashley]

But I, that's how I feel. I feel like the Lord is like, no, you need to delight in being obedient to what I've called you to.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

So, because I don't need you to do it. But the fact that I have that I've. I want you to participate in the work that I'm doing in these earth. You need to delight in that.

[Dinora Pina]

Participate. Which is different than running it, controlling it.

[Megan Ashley]

It's not ownership, it's stewardship. Babe.

[Jordan]

We cussing ourselves out right now.

[Megan Ashley]

You know what I'm saying? That's the thing. It's like, no, you don't own nothing. You are a steward over this. And I want you to delight in the obedience. You know what I'm saying? You like, I'm over here doing this Bible saying, I'm like, it's like, no, no, no, no, no. And let me be clear. The work that I am calling you to is also for you.

[Dinora Pina]

Cuz you ain't doing me no favors.

[Megan Ashley]

This word that you're studying that you think is for them is also for you.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

Do you know what I'm saying? And so we, like, I think we have to take, Take a pause. Take a pause.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

You're not on a, you're not trying to outrun someone else. Stop looking at everybody else's race and run your race.

[Dinora Pina]

Come on, come on, Paul.

[Megan Ashley]

And, and, and be. Slow down. And when you don't fit the moment that you're not delighting in the things of the Lord and in all the ways. Like I said, I wasn't delighting in going to church. I'm not delighting in relationships. I'm not delighting in my work. As far as I'm not delighting in the podcast, I'm not delighting in, in the village, in the Bible, I wasn't delighting in any of it. And I had to pause and be like, okay, Lord, instead of, you know, murmuring about it and complaining about it, let me confess it and ask for help.

[Dinora Pina]

Come on, help me.

[Megan Ashley]

Come on help me delight in this amazing work that you are doing in. And help me delight in this. Because at the end of the day, it is a privilege to steward what you have given me.

[Dinora Pina]

You get to.

[Megan Ashley]

I get to do it.

[Dinora Pina]

You get to do it. Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

Do you know what I'm saying? And that's hard for me because I, you know, I'm such a, you know, worker bees servant I gotta do and whatever. And the Lord is like, nah. Like, I've called you to this, but I've. I. I want you to delight in being obedient to what I've called you to delight in it.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

Because it is an honor. It is a privile that we get to participate in the work that the Lord is doing in the earth. What an honor it is. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Dinora Pina]

And it's like you just punched me with that. You just punched me with that. That's not what I came here for, man.

[Jordan]

We suppose.

[Megan Ashley]

You said listen. What?

[Jordan]

Nah, I'm still stuck on delight and obedience.

[Megan Ashley]

For real, though.

[Jordan]

Oh, how you keep your knees like that?

[Megan Ashley]

I think.

[Dinora Pina]

Sorry.

[Jordan]

I met the intrusive thoughts.

[Megan Ashley]

What is wrong with her, man?

[Jordan]

But how. How you been sitting like that this whole time?

[Megan Ashley]

It hurts. Currently in pain. Okay. But it just gets stuck. And I know that it's for sure on the altar, but if I unlock it, it's gonna hurt worse. So I'm just like, let me just keep it. But you didn't stretch your leg out right here, baby. Me?

[Dinora Pina]

No. I've stretched it out.

[Jordan]

I've been moving.

[Megan Ashley]

We. Listen, y', all, we in our 30s, okay? We ain't.

[Jordan]

I'm closer to 40 than I am.

[Megan Ashley]

We. We. We out here. Okay? Speaking of 30s, last time you were here, you had everybody in tears for what? Talking about your mind when it comes to men. Single.

[Jordan]

Ain't it funny that.

[Dinora Pina]

That. Cuz. I remember. I remember I talked about.

[Jordan]

I can't listen to Cardi. She just dropped an album, too.

[Megan Ashley]

And I'm here, and that's crazy. Cardi just dropped the album, and here you are. But we. We don't. We. We stay away from. We got to stay away from all the. All the music that. That puts our minds in certain places. But how are you. Because now I'm thinking about being 30. And even just in obedience, like, how are you navigating through. Cuz you're all the way in Cali, away from your family, right? Consecrating your life to the Lord, being obedient to what he's called no, the.

[Dinora Pina]

Lord has consecrated my life, period.

[Megan Ashley]

He is doing that. But you're. Do you know you're doing all the things you've submitted your entire life to him, and you're like, whatever you tell me to do, I'm gonna do it. But I also know that you desire relationship. Just like we talk about this all the time. I told you. I don't know if I told. I don't know if I told them about when I called you. Was it the earlier this year?

[Dinora Pina]

No, this was last year. Before. Before Acts.

[Megan Ashley]

Was it before Acts when I text you and I was like, I'm about to get on a dating.

[Jordan]

Yeah, that was before Acts.

[Megan Ashley]

Okay. I did.

[Jordan]

I. I text and I was like. I was like, ma', am, this is clearly a distraction abort mission.

[Megan Ashley]

Like, she was like, okay, so let's, let's process this through. Why do you want to do this? But I think that those waves do come sometimes where we have to navigate. Like, there are times where I'm like, I'm like, Paul. Where I'm like, I'm content. Like, I really am. Like, I'm really cool. Like, if. Even if the Lord never brings somebody in my life, like, I'm content. But then there are these moments for sure where I'm like, all right, Lord.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

Have you really called me to this Paul? Paul. Paulina.

[Dinora Pina]

Paulina.

[Megan Ashley]

You know? Have you really called me to this Paulina. Pollyanna lifestyle?

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

Where it's just like, I don't want to. So how do you navigate? Because. Because singleness and dating is. It's just a conversation that I know I've been having a lot recently. How do you navigate and shepherd your people? Because you, you, you shepherd a lot of single women.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah. You know, I'll be honest. As far as ministry wise, we haven't spoken a lot about singleness. We did read our very first book club was Tony Evans Book Kingdom single.

[Megan Ashley]

Oh, okay.

[Dinora Pina]

And so during that time, we talked a lot about singleness. And. And we haven't honestly really since then. But I'll say for myself, yes, very single. I mean, very.

[Megan Ashley]

Me and Dinora would get on the phone, we was like, it is so dry, bro.

[Dinora Pina]

Ma', am.

[Jordan]

I don't even know what male interaction feels like or sounds like.

[Dinora Pina]

I just.

[Jordan]

What is that? It's foreign to me.

[Dinora Pina]

But. But I'll say that at. At first I felt it heavier. Like, it felt so much more heavy. It felt heavier before. And so what I've asked the Lord is that until he presents that to Me, can he help tame the desire?

[Megan Ashley]

That's good.

[Dinora Pina]

You know what I'm saying? That, that, that. Because for a while it was like a pressing loneliness that I felt like it was like, you know, I get home and. And I thank the Lord for my dog because at least she keeps me busy. She has me out.

[Megan Ashley]

I'll be on the phone with her every other minute. It's Sunday.

[Dinora Pina]

Sunday, like literally just disruption. But I'm grateful for her because it's a presence.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

Right. And so I don't get home to a truly empty home. But it is very challenging that when you are going through things, it feels like you're navigating these things literally by yourself. Especially because I'm 3,000 miles away from my family and some of my closest friends are 2,000 miles away. Right. And so it is very hard. But I've had to be intentional about praying to the Lord that he would just help tame the desire.

[Megan Ashley]

That's good.

[Dinora Pina]

And he has tamed the desire. Like I don't.

[Megan Ashley]

That. That I like that you're saying tame and not take away.

[Dinora Pina]

Oh no.

[Megan Ashley]

Do you know what I'm saying?

[Dinora Pina]

The desire is there.

[Megan Ashley]

I think that there's a. I think that that's honest. Yeah. And I think because I think for me, I lean more to like, just take it, bro. Like just take this desire away from me. But I like what you said. It's like, no, like tame it and give me control for sure over that desire.

[Dinora Pina]

So. So that. Because there was a point that it was. It felt like it was consuming me in the way that I just felt like it was everywhere. Right. Like you turn around and here's a couple walking down the street with you go to the supermarket and here's a mom with her son.

[Megan Ashley]

Right.

[Dinora Pina]

Like it's everywhere. You scroll on TikTok and here's a new engagement or here's a new wedding.

[Megan Ashley]

Or a baby announcement. Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah. Or here's another video of like another really beautiful act of kindness that a man did for his woman. And so it's so present. And in order for me to not become bitter or to even the.

[Megan Ashley]

The temptation to covet it. Cuz let's. We have like, that's real. Let's be real.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

When. When we. When we don't pray In. In what you said, Janora, in Lord taming the desires, you open yourself up for the opportunity to covet.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

Where now it's like now I'm. I'm wanting what you want.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes. Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

You know what I'm Saying, yes, that's good.

[Dinora Pina]

And so I had to be intentional about that, about just asking the Lord, like, cuz the truth is I don't want the desire to go away because I want to desire it. Right. I want that, that when the Lord sends him to find me that I can also recognize him.

[Megan Ashley]

Right.

[Dinora Pina]

So I don't want the desire to go away, but I just need it to be tamed.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah, I think that's great.

[Dinora Pina]

You know what I'm saying? And so, man, the Lord has done it. The Lord has done it. Where I can see those things and not see what I'm lacking.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

I can just see them as like, like for instance, when I see a mom with her son, I can say like, oh God, my man, I can't wait for it to be my turn.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Dinora Pina]

But I want to address something else that you said, which is like the contentment piece. Because there was a point in my life that I was there, but I realized that I was. I. I con. Tried to convince myself that I was content because I just didn't trust the Lord to give it to me. And so it was like, well, let me just.

[Megan Ashley]

Was it real contentment?

[Dinora Pina]

It wasn't real contentment. It was like. And if I'm even more honest, it was, I don't even want to pray for a family or a husband because I don't know if that's what the Lord has for me. And so I don't want to pray for it and then experience the disappointment of the Lord not answering my prayer.

[Megan Ashley]

Because that's real.

[Dinora Pina]

And that's the actual excavated truth of that. Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

And I think that that's. I think, I think that what I, what I appreciate about that is the honesty and transparency to that. Because I think that there are so many people that struggle with that.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

Where it's like, I don't want to pray. And you tell me no, because I actually don't know. Because really. But even in that, it shows that. Okay, I'm lacking trust and faith in you.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

There's. There's a lack.

[Dinora Pina]

It.

[Megan Ashley]

It uncovers that there's a lack of trust and there's a lack of faith that I have in you. Or, and, or that there is a lack of. And maybe it goes back to, to delight that I have just in you.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

That if you don't bring me any of the things that you are still good and kind and perfect and holy and I can still delight in you, even if I don't get the things that I want from you. I've gotten the best thing from you, which is you sending your son to die on the cross for me so that I can be justified and in the family of God.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes.

[Megan Ashley]

And so that I could spend eternity with you. You. At the end of the day, I have to remind myself that he is the ultimate prize. He is. Yeah. And he's enough. He's enough. I remember watching in season five of the Chosen, they, you know, it's the Last Supper, but they kept doing this thing, and I don't even know what it's called, and. But they kept repeating, do you remember what we were. What it's. Do you know what it's called, Jordan? I forget what it's called, but it's like a Jewish. They recite this thing over and over again, but they basically say, if you. If you only parted the Red Sea, it would have been enough. Or if you only did, it would have been enough.

[Dinora Pina]

Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

And I think that's the thing. It's like remembering that at the end of the day, what he did on the cross was enough.

[Dinora Pina]

Yes, absolutely.

[Megan Ashley]

I've already received the greatest gift that I could ever receive. All the other things are just.

[Dinora Pina]

Yep.

[Megan Ashley]

What's up, you guys? I hope you enjoyed this this episode. Thank you so much for listening and I hope you felt encouraged in some way. Be sure to like and follow into Tality podcast everywhere you listen to your favorite shows. Follow into Tality on Apple podcasts or Spotify and be sure to turn on your post notifications so that you can be the first to listen whenever there's a new episode.