EP 103: Best of Season 2: 2025 Recap

Summary

In Totality with Megan Ashley

Episode 103: Best of Season 2: 2025 Recap

Released: January 13, 2026

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Overview

This special “Best of” episode, hosted by Megan Ashley, compiles the most resonant and impactful segments from 2025. Through raw vulnerability and deep theological wisdom, Megan and her guests revisit key themes around wholehearted devotion to God, real faith in difficult seasons, sanctification, Christian community, obedience, and identity. The episode is rich with scriptural insights, honest storytelling, and memorable moments of encouragement for believers navigating life’s complexities while striving for holiness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Fasting and Dependence on God

[00:00–08:00]

• Megan shares how fasting strips away her distractions and reveals her dependence on God, exposing where she seeks satisfaction apart from Him.
• Quote (Megan, 02:53):
  "Every single time I would get before Him and get in His presence, something miraculous would happen. I would not be hungry, I would not be bored, I would not be anxious... I was getting the living water, the bread of life."
• Megan emphasizes that spiritual maturity means seeking God not for the feelings, but out of reverence—He deserves our consecration regardless of how we “feel.”
• Examining biblical figures not as role models but as testimonies to God’s consistent, trustworthy nature.

2. Discernment in Receiving Correction & Walking the “Slow Way”

[08:05–14:00]

• Yana explains that wise correction should come only from those who themselves receive correction ("someone who doesn’t receive correction should never be allowed to correct you" - [08:43]).
• The value of the wilderness journey, using the Israelites’ 40-year trek as God’s way of building trust and faith—"The faithfulness of God builds man’s trust in God." ([10:19])
• Shortcuts in spiritual life are contrasted with "the slow way" God often chooses for deeper dependence and readiness for bigger spiritual leaps ([11:04-12:20]).

3. God’s Love and Desolation Seasons

[14:21–21:00]

• Megan shares honestly about spiritual dryness and “desolation,” learning that pursuing God is about His worthiness, not simply for emotional highs ([21:00]).
• We are called to lay down our will for God’s, echoing the story of the rich young ruler: "You want the benefits of eternal life, but you don’t want the disciplines of what it means to live with an eternity mindset" ([22:37]).

4. Learning Through Suffering & Vulnerability in Grief

[25:00–26:28]

• Megan shares her heartbreak through her son Caleb’s autism diagnosis, wrestling with anger and doubt, but also testifying to God’s presence in the midst of her grief.
• "There is a fruit that we can only eat during grief... nourishment that we can only get in grief." – Paraphrased from a John Piper quote ([24:50]).

5. Relational Wisdom, Pacing, and Godly Dating

[26:28–34:38]

• Yana recounts her story of meeting her husband, illustrating intentionality, patience, and pacing in relationships as a counterpoint to cultural hurry.
• "Our culture doesn’t know pace…You don’t give time to discover mystery" ([29:28-29:40]).
• The beauty of waiting and honoring commitments before God shines through in Yana’s wedding story ([32:29-33:13]).

6. Parent-Child Dynamics & Faith in the Darkest Times

[35:38–41:31]

• Candid conversations between Megan and her mother about battling severe anxiety and suicidal ideation.
• The importance of humility, a “sober mind,” and praying God’s word, especially in seasons overwhelmed by fear and comparison ([40:22]).

7. The Goal of True Holiness; Friendship with God

[41:31–44:50]

• The aim of the Christian life is holiness, not perpetual happiness—friendship with God is cultivated through both the resurrection and the suffering ([42:38]).
• "You can’t just glory in the resurrection but also in the fellowship of His suffering. That’s how you become friends with God." – Yana ([42:44]).

8. Integrating God’s Word and Emotional Health

[45:00–56:01]

• Deep dive into how idolatry of emotions, entitlement, lack of patience, and self-reflection all challenge spiritual growth.
• Guarding your heart is presented as an active, vigilant process—"The heart is more deceitful than anything else" ([57:47]), emphasizing that cultural mantras like “follow your heart” are dangerous.

9. Conviction, Shame, and the Fullness of the Gospel

[59:56–63:14]

• Handling conviction versus shame—knowing God as Savior, not just Judge ([60:57]).
• "I don’t think we’ve been trained and discipled to know that we have to go to war on shame. That is just as demonic as sexual sin." – Yana ([63:09]).

10. Christian Content Consumption & Responsibility

[64:00–68:53]

• Megan and Yana confront the problem of Christian content that doesn’t foster true love for God or neighbor—highlighting accountability not just for content creators, but also consumers ([65:12]).
• "If you’re not living your true worship, then what you are experiencing is emotionalism." – Megan ([69:00]).

11. Worship Beyond the Surface & True Discipleship

[69:18–72:13]

• The call to integrate worship into daily life, not just Sunday gatherings—serving, forgiving, and honoring others showcases real worship ([70:08–70:28]).
• "It’s just like take yourself out of the center of your life…He wants to be the center of everything." ([72:13–72:21])

12. Dangers of Self-Discovery vs. Finding Purpose in God

[73:15–77:42]

• The story of the Prodigal Son is used to illustrate the peril in seeking identity apart from God.
• "Sin is not just breaking the rules, but putting yourself in the place of God." – Tim Keller (Megan relays at [77:15]).

13. Idolatry, Diluted Gospel & The Need for Discernment

[77:42–81:15]

• Lena dissects how culturally relevant, “mixed” worship creates idolatry, paralleling Aaron and the golden calf—the devil’s strategy is often mixing falsehood with truth.
• "The devil isn’t trying to eradicate Jesus. He’s trying to bring something else with Jesus. A diluted Jesus." – Lena ([80:28]).

14. Endurance, Suffering, and the Christian Life

[81:50–90:00]

• Megan’s analogy of the electric bike ride illustrates endurance: the Spirit empowers the difficult journey of sanctification, but we must still participate. It’s not easy, but future glory makes the suffering incomparable ([84:57-86:26]).
• "The Christian life is not just hard, it’s impossible. Only Christ can live it through you." – Adrian Rogers, quoted by Megan ([85:00]).

15. Sacrificial Worship & The Priority of Christ’s Presence

[90:53–93:41]

• Worship is costly, and real worship involves sacrifice—time, resources, and obedience, not just songs or gatherings ([90:59]).
• Megan shares God's response: "I just want you at my feet…keep returning, keep running back to My feet" ([93:02–93:41]).

16. Building Safe, Transformational Communities

[94:52–99:16]

• Yana introduces the four S’s of community: Seen, Soothed, Safe, Secure.
• "For some odd reason we think we stop needing the four S’s when we become adults... we’re still growing and learning." ([95:54])
• The vital role of safe relationships in church and life, avoiding betrayal of trust and gossip.

17. Discipleship and Modeling Faith for Our Children

[100:19–103:21]

• Discipleship begins with parents modeling delight and authenticity in loving and following God.
• Obedience should be rooted in love, not fear, and lived out daily—“my mom’s example taught me more than her words.” ([100:19–101:30])

18. God's Faithfulness in Our Weakness

[103:21–106:42]

• Profound reflections on God being “for us,” not only in victory but in brokenness—His power is made perfect in weakness ([105:25]).
• "He didn’t die to make us perfect. He died to make us holy." – Yana ([105:25])

19. Resolving Shalom (Peace) after Hurt—The Fight or Flight of Forgiveness

[138:36–144:07]

• Shalom-avoidant vs. shalom-demanding responses after being hurt: are you protecting your peace or seeking repayment?
• "We're not called to protect our peace. That's not a command in scripture. We're called to make peace." – Yana ([139:55])

20. Identifying the Voice You Listen To

[144:07–148:10]

• Whose voice shapes your identity—God, self, others, or the enemy?
• "Distractions begin to look like opportunities when you are not listening for God's voice." – Lena ([145:26])

21. Sanctification: Process, Pain, Participation

[133:45–164:11]

• Sanctification is cooperative—you participate, but only the Spirit transforms.
• Megan wrestles with the “frustration” of sanctification’s slow pace and pain, ultimately learning to delight in obedience and stewardship.
• "Delight in obedience. It is a privilege that we get to participate in the work God is doing in the earth." – Megan & Yana ([161:56–164:13])

22. Filtering Life Through the Gospel

[164:35–168:41]

• Real discipleship means evaluating every response, emotion, and action through the lens of the cross—“What would Jesus do?” isn't just a slogan but a posture of heart ([167:14–168:41]).

23. Hope Anchored in Eternity Amid Suffering

[121:46–128:48], [152:20–155:54]

• Theological hope is not wishful thinking for present circumstances but confidence in ultimate restoration (“there will be no more tears, no more suffering” – [153:51]).
• Suffering is formative for character, and the Western church must re-embrace this truth for spiritual maturity ([126:26–127:06]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "He's after the holiness and for us to be holy as he says, 'Be holy as I am holy.'" – Megan ([07:09])
• "Someone who doesn’t receive correction should never be allowed to correct you." – Yana ([08:43])
• "The shortcut will never teach you that kind of trust." – Yana ([12:41])
• "We have God's history in our hands … you can be trusted." – Megan ([05:00-07:00])
• "God is maturing you so that you will pursue Him because He's holy, not just for the feelings." – Megan ([20:30])
• "Sin is not just breaking the rules, but putting yourself in place of God." – Tim Keller, relayed by Megan ([77:15])
• "The devil isn’t trying to eradicate Jesus. He’s trying to bring something else with Jesus. A diluted Jesus." – Lena ([80:28])
• "Our purpose is to love God, love our neighbor, make disciples of all nations. Your assignment may look different, but the purpose is the same." – Megan ([120:13])
• "You are not supposed to trust this heart because it is deceitful. I don't even know the contents of my heart, only God does." – Megan ([57:47])
• "There is a fruit that we can only eat during grief that stores all the nourishment we need.” – Megan ([24:50])
• "Delight in obedience ... it is a privilege that we get to participate in the work God is doing in the earth." – Megan & Yana ([161:56–164:13])
• "We're not called to protect our peace. We're called to make peace." – Yana ([139:55])
• "If you're not living your true worship, what you are experiencing is emotionalism." – Megan ([69:00])
• "He didn't die to make us perfect. He died to make us holy." – Yana ([105:25])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Fasting & Spiritual Hunger: 00:00–08:00
• Correction & Spiritual Growth: 08:05–14:00
• God’s Love, Desolation & Willingness: 14:21–22:37
• Grief & Suffering: 25:00–26:28
• Intentional Dating & Pace: 26:28–34:38
• Parenting & Faith in the Dark: 35:38–41:31
• Friendship with God & Holiness: 41:31–44:50
• Guarding Your Heart & Emotions: 45:00–57:47
• Shame, Condemnation, Gospel: 59:56–63:14
• Christian Content & Worship: 64:00–72:13
• Self-Discovery vs. God’s Purpose: 73:15–77:42
• Idolatry & Diluted Worship: 77:42–81:15
• Suffering, Hope, Fortitude: 121:46–128:48
• Sanctification & Delight in Obedience: 133:45–164:11
• Filtering Life Through the Gospel: 164:35–168:41
• Hope in Eternity & Present Suffering: 152:20–155:54

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Conclusion

In this “Best of” Season 2 recap, Megan and her guests model the process of wrestling authentically with faith’s challenges—holding fast to God’s faithfulness, forming Christian character through suffering, and shining as wholly devoted, hope-filled believers “in totality.” The encouragement to delight in obedience, endure sanctification, and anchor hope in eternity rings constantly: Christians are called to live for God and with God, whatever the cost, for His glory alone.

Transcript

[Megan]

What's up in totality Family? Listen. Today's episode is super special because we're taking a look back at some of the amazing conversations we had in 2025 with some of my amazing guests and communicators who I love. And so I hope you enjoyed this episode as we take a look back at some of the impactful conversations that we had last year before we continue into 2026. I hope this blessed you, and I'll see you soon. There's something that happens when you're fasting, because especially when you're fasting food, right? Which is what a real fast is abstaining from food. But when you're also eliminating everything else. I didn't have anything to satisfy me. I had nothing else to make me, like, to distract me or to fill a vo. I had nothing. All I had was him. All I had was his word. And so it was literally making me get on my face. Every time I was feeling hungry, every time I was feeling irritated, every time I was feeling anxious, every time that I was, you know, bored, every. Every time I was feeling anything that would. I would normally go get some food, go watch tv, go play Block Blast. Do y' all know how much time Block Blast will fill up? Like, y'?

[Yana]

All.

[Megan]

I was pl. I. I keep pushing this point, but I need. Something's in that game. I don't know who created. I was filling up hours of that. Like, I would look up, and I think there was one night Jordan and I, we had went to bed, and we're like, all right, good night. It's like three hours later, two in the morning, and we both, like, I hit a high score. It's like, go to bed. Like, I was filling up so much time, but couldn't spend 20 minutes praying without being distracted or without, you know. And so it was just showing me how much I actually needed God. Like, I. I actually needed him because I didn't have anything else. I didn't have any other distractions. And so every ounce of my weakness, it was making me yield to his presence. Because what would happen is every single time I would get in his presence, say, I would wake up in the morning, I would pray, okay. But come noon, I'm hungry. I'm anxious because I have at least nine more hours of the day. Y'.

[Yana]

All.

[Megan]

Fasting will put you in a good. You will be in bed so early, fasting. I usually go to bed at, like, midnight. 1. I was in bed every night at, like, 8:30. My kids. I was going to bed before my kids. Okay, like, fasting will really make you go to bed early. But it come noon, noon, I'm like, man, I'm starting to get anxious. I got eight more hours left of the day. What am I gonna do? I'm hungry already.

[Yana]

It's noon.

[Megan]

I'm starving, you know. But every single time I would get. I would get before him and I would get in his presence and something miraculous would happen. I would. I would not be hungry, I would not be bored. I would not be anxious. I. I would get in his presence and it was like everything just stopped because I focused my attention on him. And maybe it didn't start off that way, maybe in the first five minutes of prayer, but when I was really yielding myself and being honest with the Lord and being like, man, I'm hungry. Like, I am hungry, Lord. And I don't want to be hungry. I don't want to be distracted. I don't want to replace my time with you. Help me. I want you. And so I would just cry out to the Lord and be honest with him and be in his presence. And the miraculous thing would happen where I would not feel hunger, I would not feel bored, I would not feel anxious, I would not feel tired. I was in his presence. I was getting the living water, the bread of life. I was getting fullness of joy because I was in his presence. And it was the most miraculous experience just being in time of. Of fasting. It was showing me also how much we actually need him. He what's beautiful to me like Abraham. Abraham's faith was accounted to him, right? And that always blows my mind because Abraham didn't have anything prior to rely on. God spoke and he believed and it. And his faith was accounted to him, right? But he didn't have this. He didn't have the history that we have. We have God's history in our hands. We have. We have the history of his nature, the history of his works through flawed human beings, just like you. Again, the goal of this is not to platform the people in the Bible, but it's to see the consistent nature of God. He's the main character. The point of this is not to read it and be like, oh, God, make me like David, oh God, make me. No, God, I. You are to be trusted. Because I saw what you did with Abraham. I saw what you did with. With Jacob. I saw what you did with Ezekiel. I saw what you did with Isaiah. I saw what you did with Jeremiah. I saw what you did with the prophets, the major and the minors. I Saw what you did with the disciples. I saw what you did with Paul. I saw what I, I, I have your history. I, I know your consistent nature. You can be trusted. This is why I can go to you with all of my heart and trust my ways to you and trust all of my heart to you. Because you have history of consistency. The goal is holiness. That's what he's after. He's after holiness. He's not after, you know, us to feel good all the time. He's so after the holiness and for us to be holy as he says, be holy as I am holy. And like we'll say that and we'll read it, but not really want to accept the process of that and in, you know, sharing like I think a helpful tool and you can give me any additional tools that would be helpful of knowing where and who to receive correction from. Because that can be hard too sometimes because there are going to be people not sent by God that just want to point out every little thing wrong in you and, and you know, hold you to the worst parts of yourself, hold you to the worst moments of yourself, the worst seasons of your life. And then there are those who, godsends and that, that point out maybe some, some hard stuff. You know, I have people in my life that point out hard things about me. And as much as it doesn't feel good all the time, it's, it's helpful and needed. So what are some ways that we can discern the two?

[Yana]

Yeah. Jesus said wisdom is shown to be right by its children, depending on what translation you read or by its results. So first I look for a spirit of wisdom in someone that did not come cheaply. That's one of the first things. The second thing, I don't ever receive correction from someone who does not receive correction. So going back to the person you painted that picture, those type of people spend all of their time correcting others because it's the way they occupy their time not to receive correction themselves.

[Megan]

Hello.

[Yana]

So I, I shut the door to people who try to correct me but are walking and have been walking in the complete wrong direction for a long time. Don't.

[Lena]

What did Jesus say?

[Yana]

Stop going at somebody for a spec when you got a plank. If someone doesn't receive correction, they shouldn't give it because they will weaponize correction. And that, that's not safe. Yeah, I can't grow in an unsafe relationship. I cannot, I can be in an unsafe relationship, but I cannot grow. That's because I in an unsafe relationship. You're protecting yeah. In a safe relationship, all your walls are down. And now I don't use any energy to play defense. I can go on the offensive.

[Megan]

That's good.

[Yana]

I can grow. So someone who doesn't receive correction should never be allowed to correct you. That's good. It is the slow path through the wilderness where God does his best work in my life. And a trip that should have lasted.

[Lena]

The Israelites, it should have taken two years maximum.

[Yana]

Took them 40. And I know part of it was punishment from lack of belief. I get that. But it was also a divine setup. 40 years of a resume of God's faithfulness.

[Megan]

Yes.

[Yana]

So that when he took them in to start occupying the land of the promise and they were going to have to fight, it wasn't just two years, 24 months.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

It was four decades of quail, of manna, of water.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

When there was none in the middle of the desert.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

40 years of confidence in God. The faithfulness of God builds man's trust in God.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

And that is something built over a long period of time.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Lena]

This is why he loves to go the slow way.

[Yana]

Because if we fast forwarded on, onto the height of the mountain, quote, unquote, that God wants to take us, we went the fast way, and he'd go, okay, now I need you to jump off of the top of this mountain to that other mountain over there.

[Lena]

I'd be like, are you crazy?

[Megan]

Are you crazy?

[Yana]

You lost your mind? But if we went the slow way and it took 40 years and I had had to jump multiple times, and we get to the biggest jump I've ever made, and he goes, okay, now it's time to jump. I'm gonna go.

[Megan]

You've been faithful every other time you've helped, you've helped.

[Yana]

I got 128 jumps already because we went the slow way. But if we fast forward, I only get in one or two jumps and get to the biggest jump he ever asked me to make, I'm probably not going to make that jump. My flesh is going to go, that's not possible. Correct. But if I have seen 128 moments, miraculous moments of God's faithfulness and power, I'm making that jump. I don't care if I have a parachute. I'm making that jump every time.

[Megan]

Because your confidence is not in you.

[Yana]

That's 100%. I have seen his faithfulness, man. When the waters of the sea parted, I couldn't do that, man. And I can't make this jump. But partnering with him.

[Megan]

Yep.

[Yana]

I know his power in me.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

Is capable, if that is his will for my life.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Lena]

And I've been tearing this.

[Yana]

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I've been tearing this apart lately for people because they're like, that means I can do anything I want to do.

[Lena]

As long as I believe Jesus can do it wrong.

[Megan]

For sure.

[Yana]

Wrong anything. According to the perfect will of the.

[Lena]

Father, I can do by the power.

[Yana]

Of Jesus, with the divine enablement of the Holy Spirit at work within me.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

If he wants me to make that jump, I can make that jump.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

And when I've gone the long way and we've made all of the slight increase of a jump here and here and here, when he says, hey, I need you to make the scariest jump you've ever made in your life, I just go, are you with me? I am. Is this what you want? It is.

[Megan]

I'm jumping, then I'm doing it. Easy. Easy as yesterday.

[Yana]

The shortcut will never teach you that kind of trust.

[Megan]

And again, I think that that's. It makes it hard. When we do live in a culture that everything is the shortcut. Right. We have kids that are millionaires just because they propped up their phones.

[Yana]

Yeah.

[Megan]

Right. We have that. Never took a class, never went to school. You know, and there's. There's nothing wrong with that. But I think that if we. If we constantly engulf ourselves with that type of mentality and we try to project that context onto our walk with the Lord, we'll be wildly disappointed.

[Yana]

All of life never works the way one area of life works.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

So imagine it like this. So for the person who. It's amazing. If a young person picked up their phone and. And they're making seven figures, God's blessing it. That's incredible. But to think that's the way the rest life works. Because one area of your life works that way, you will be severely disappointed. That would be like if I'm the CEO of a company and I come home to my wife and I expect to be able to tell her what to do the way I might have to in a work environment.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Lena]

How's that going to go?

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Lena]

My wife's going to look at me.

[Yana]

And go, I'm sorry, sir.

[Megan]

Right.

[Yana]

We are doing this together.

[Megan]

Right. Right.

[Yana]

You are not my boss. Right. All of life never works the way one area of life works. That's good. So I think we've got to be mindful.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

That you just can't take that one thing and make that the lens for your whole life. Well, everything should be this easy.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

Because it's a shortcut. No, it's a divine enablement.

[Megan]

Yeah. He loves you and there's nothing that you can do. There's nothing that can happen that will separate you from that love. It's present with you. Because I know, I don't know if you're like me. There have been times where I'm like, man, like, is God mad at me? Does he not love me? That type of mentality will start to put you into a works mode. Or I'm just going to keep. I'm going to do more. I'm going to do more. I'm going to do more so that I can feel God's love more, so that he'll love me more again. There's nothing you can do to make him love you more or less. Making him love you less. Right. This is just part, this is just part of, of, of the spiritual journey is that you're gonna, you're gonna feel his manifested president, and then there's gonna be times where you don't. And in that, I'll talk, I, I'll just share my personal. I'll be vulnerable and, and share my personal experience with this. For me, I get an attitude when I'm on that desolation, when I'm experiencing the desolation of my, of my spiritual journey and walk where I'm going to the Lord. I'm praying, and I'm still not hearing him, and I'm still not experiencing his manifest presence. I'm like, man, like, what is it for then? What is it for? I'm praying. I'm doing the things right. I'm living a consecrated life. I'm not doing stuff I shouldn't be doing. I'm going to church. I'm watching the podcast. I'm listening to sermons, and I'm still not feeling God's manifest presence. I'm still feeling like I'm. I'm missing Him. What's the common thing in what I'm saying? Listen to what I'm saying. This is how the Lord checked me. He's like, listen to what you're saying. What's the common thing in what you just said? You. I, I want. I, Me, me. God is. God is maturing us in that. In those desolation seasons and that part of the cycle. Understand that God is maturing you that you are not in this to feel anything. But you're in this because he's holy. You're in this because He's Righteous. You're in this because that's what he deserves. He deserves that. He deserves the intimate time that you spend with him. He deserves for you to live a consecrated life. That's what he deserves. But if you're constantly going into this so that you can feel something, so that you can have a word, so that you can have something to go back and be like, oh, yeah, my time with the Lord, I got a revelation. So that. So you can prop yourself up and boast in you. No, no, no, no, no. Understand that God's word is his word. He's with you, right? We are. We. We said that in his word he's with you. Nothing can separate you from his love. He said he'll never leave you nor forsake you. And you should want to be intimate with the Lord and spend intimate time with him, just because that's what he deserves, because he's good. This is this and, and this part of the cycle, the spiritual journey, that desolation cycle. When you're in that, that. That really proves what you said the last time he got you out of a hard time, where you said, God, if you get me out of this and you never do a thing, I will. I will praise you, I will serve you. I will give my. If you do nothing else. Well, in these seasons where you're on this desolation, downward hill cycle, this is where you get to really make that true. What if you never feel all the feels? Does that make him less worthy? Does that make him less. Less deserving? No, He's God and He's good all the time. Before you get to the parable of the rich young ruler, Jesus says right Here in Luke 17:33, whoever tries to make his life secure will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it. You can't have your will and God's will. You can't have what you want for your life and what God wants for your life. You have to be willing to say, God, I might have all these ideas and plans and whatever, but not my will. Your will. I'm going to stay committed to this altar. I'm going to stay committed to laying my life down. Because if you think that you're going to have the endurance or going to have the spirit, like the discipline to pick up a cross that he's asking you to carry, when you have not been committed to dying to your will, dying to your way, when you haven't been committed to presenting yourself as a living sacrifice, I'm telling you, when the time comes where you got to pick up this cross. You won't have it. You won't have the endurance. You'll question, you'll. Oh, God, I don't. Just like the rich young ruler, he had met all the command. He said, I don't do any of those things. Yet walked away grieving because he did not want to give away the very thing that God was asking for. The Lord told him, if you give this away, you'll have treasures stored in heaven. And he still, he. He wanted eternal life, but he didn't live with eternity as a mindset. You want the benefits of eternal life, but you don't want the, the disciplines of what it means to live here with an eternity mindset. So whatever God is asking me to do, I'mma do it because I don't live for, for what I can hold on to in this world, but I live for eternity with him. And so if he tells me to give away all my possessions, I'm going to give it away because truly I want, I truly want eternal life with the Lord. This stuff, you're not going to take whatever he's asking you for, give it to him. Don't be like the original. Learn from the rich young ruler. And, and, and let's keep it. Like, like we might see this and might judge him and be like, dang, bro, you had Jesus in your face telling you to. He was right there. But we're the same way, guys. We're the same way. We're the same way. Have a zeal to, to, to do all the right things. We're doing all the right things. Right? We're living a consecrated life. We're not committing adultery. We're not lying, we're not stealing, we're not doing, we're not breaking the Ten Commandments. And in the way that we see the, the rich young ruler isn't. But yet he still missed it because he didn't want to give up the very thing that he was holding on to, the thing that Matt. It proved what mattered to him the most. And it wasn't eternal life with the Lord. It was his possessions. Because if God meant more to him, then he would have let it go. Wouldn't have mattered. I'm telling you, you have to be willing to lay your life down and set like I am a living sacrifice. I do. I don't think about, you know, I don't live my life for me. I live it for the Lord. There is a quote by Martin Luther, and he basically is saying that there are deep, deep things that God reveals to us through prayer, through the meditation of God's word, but also through trials. And I was listening to John Piper and he was saying how, like, there is a fruit that we can only eat during grief that stores all the nourishment that we need, that we can only have and only get in grief. And when I look back on my experience with Caleb being diagnosed with autism and how that felt like such grief to me, I look back and I see how much God exposed so much of himself to me out of his mercy and his kindness. Because I truly believe during that time, my heart was growing far from the Lord, mainly because I was so angry at him for allowing this to happen. But I remember. I remember sitting on the floor with Caleb, and Caleb used to do this thing where he would just scream all the time. He would just scream. Like there. Like there was nothing that you could say or do to calm him down. He would just scream and not scream in a way where he was like, being like, violent or angry. But he would just. Like when he would cry, he would just cry and cry and cry and cry and cry. And it was like he wouldn't. He wouldn't be able to stop. And I remember at, you know, by the time Caleb got his second diagnosis, I was a stay at home mom. And so Eli and, and Jonah and Caleb, they're all in the house and they're all under five at this point. And, you know, so you can imagine how chaotic my life was and how chaotic the home was because I had all these young babies and Caleb was in his. In one of his moods and he just couldn't. I couldn't soothe him. And so I'm sitting in the middle of the floor and I'm just, you know, kind of rocking Caleb. And I couldn't get him to, to, to calm down. I couldn't get him soothed. And I remember sitting there and I just started crying. I just. I ran out of options. I felt like I. I could not get him to calm down. I just felt like everything was just out of my control. You know, I'm looking around and there's toys everywhere, there's dishes in the. In the sink. And life just felt chaotic. And this beautiful child that I prayed for, I cannot get him to settle. And I remember just so loudly in my heart asking the Lord why, like, it. I don't. I don't remember it coming out of my mouth, but I remember how loud it was inside of my heart. Why. Why did you let this happen? Why are you letting this happen? I. Like, I thought we were good now. I didn't. I thought we were good now. Like, I got married. We're. We're active and involved at church, you know, I thought we were good. And I feel like you're punishing me. Why are you punishing me? And why are you deciding to punish me through this baby who had nothing to do with anything? This poor, innocent child? You're causing him to suffer, and I don't know why you're doing this.

[Yana]

He said, he may not look what. Like what you're thinking. And I said, well, I did meet this man of God in Africa that he has so much character. He's so fun. And I'm saying all this stuff. I go, but he's cute.

[Megan]

But it wasn't like, you know.

[Yana]

And he's like, that. Deal with that. Deal with that. And I'm like, well, start praying about this guy with me, dad. So we start praying about him, because I have one year left now. So CD Calls me, and he's like, hey, I just want to make sure you got home safe. You know, Just so kind, you know? And so he starts calling me a lot, and I'm like, hey, you know? And then he just stops calling me. And I'm like, I'm not going to pursue him. He stopped calling me. Fine. So he calls me a month later. He's like, I am so sorry. I lost my phone. I had to find your number. And I'm like, he's pursuing me. He looking for me. And so he said, hey, I just want to share my intentions with you. Come on, man.

[Megan]

Who share intentions? You better have intentions. I know that's right. Do any man got intentions? I'm just out here. Do you have an intent?

[Yana]

Good God.

[Megan]

Who sent you?

[Yana]

Hello, Mr. Intentional, right? And he said, I know that you have a year left of your vow, and I think what you are doing for God is beautiful. First man to ever say that.

[Megan]

Some unicorns. Y' all get on my nerves.

[Yana]

And he said, you have to finish this commitment to the Lord. First man who says that. And he said, so I just ask, can we be friends for a year and see where this goes? Because I honestly feel like we would be a great team. When he said team, that's like a code word in my journal.

[Megan]

You said buzzword. Hello.

[Yana]

And so I was like. But I was learning about how, as women of God, we need to watch our mouth. We be saying too much, talking too much, saying too much too fast. Stop.

[Megan]

Doesn't the proverbs talk about that? Like, be quiet.

[Yana]

Be quiet. Hold it in your heart. Hold it in your heart. Not like, well, I got this journal and I wrote team, and you're the man.

[Lena]

Stop.

[Yana]

You have a dream. You're like, you're the husband. No, write it down.

[Megan]

If it's tested. Yeah, test it.

[Yana]

You don't gotta do.

[Megan]

Doing too much.

[Yana]

If it's. God, you don't gotta do too much. And so I was like, yeah, we could be friends. And so I said, but you can't call me every day. And he said, oh, okay. What days are good for you? Not fighting me.

[Megan]

Not.

[Yana]

Why can't I call?

[Megan]

No.

[Yana]

He's just like, okay, what days? I'm like, Tuesdays are good. Okay. And he would call me those two days. Those two days. And I want to say that because our culture doesn't know pace we in the DMS. We're. We're on FaceTime. We're. It's too much.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

You don't give. Like, how are these last two days for you?

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

How you been?

[Megan]

So you believe distance can make the heart grow fonder in some type of way? Not too much distance.

[Yana]

But I think.

[Megan]

But I think. Yeah. A little mystery.

[Yana]

A little mystery.

[Megan]

Lisa Mystery. And so we just know everything where you location on posting. It's like, I know everything before I even. There's nothing. Yeah. There's nothing to ask.

[Lena]

Yeah.

[Yana]

I saw it on Instagram. Yeah.

[Lena]

We know people who. They. They track each other's location.

[Yana]

Yeah.

[Lena]

I'm like, y' all not even married, but you need to track her location for.

[Yana]

Right.

[Lena]

To develop some trust.

[Yana]

Yes.

[Megan]

That's good.

[Yana]

So we're getting to know each other. And that's another long, beautiful story, because now we're getting to know each other, we're asking these questions, and things are confirming for the both of us.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

And because we both come from a divorced home, my heart was. When I marry. That's it. That's it. Yeah.

[Megan]

It's.

[Yana]

We're going to work it out or we're going to work it out. Yeah. So that's it. And so now I'm like, lord, please show me if this is my husband. So one of the big ones, I call them my God moments. One of the big ones is my dad's like, hey, my job is sending me to Phoenix for work, for a conference. I'm like, that's where that guy.

[Megan]

You said, I will be on that flight. I couldn't go.

[Yana]

I couldn't go. But I said, yeah, CD lives. There he goes. Tell him I want to meet him for lunch.

[Megan]

I said, that's so cool.

[Yana]

My dad would like to meet you for lunch. He's like, he's going to be here. I said, yeah, for work. He goes, I'd love to meet your father. It's our wedding day and my friend is working for cnn and she's like, I want to do a story on you. And I'm like, okay. So she writes, 28 year old Latina remains a virgin till her wedding day. Not only is she saving sex for marriage, she's saving her first kiss. And so she just throws up this press release out there. It's the week of my wedding. I don't know if this is going to fight, you know, she's like, melanie, Chicago Tribune wants to go to your dress rehearsal. I'm like, what? She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're going to be there. So they interview us at our dress rehearsal. Then that little article goes out. It starts catching wind. Chicago Sun Times calls us the morning of our wedding. We'd like to be at your wedding. And I'm like, what is going on?

[Lena]

These are the two major newspapers in Chicago.

[Yana]

Yeah. And I said, as long as you don't look like paparazzi at my wedding. Just look like a photographer. So they hid their stuff. We have 500 people at our wedding. Wow. Everybody can't wait to see the kiss. Everybody can't wait. They're like, you're gonna kiss. I'm like, I know. I'm so excited. Which I will give you the clip of our first.

[Megan]

Yeah. So we can add that in there.

[Yana]

And so I am giddy.

[Lena]

I'm like, you know, like the butterflies are there now.

[Megan]

Yes, they are.

[Yana]

And so here's my husband in this white suit because we've been made new in, period.

[Megan]

Come on. Period.

[Yana]

We are both in white. And everybody's like so happy. So, you know. And I could feel like all the lies, right?

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

You ain't never going to find a man that's going to wait for you. One in a million. What? Like, I feel like I'm like, oh, my God. All those words. The devil lying to me. My cousin's talking about, ain't no man going to. Why you think that you can't wait. That ain't even. I'm like, we waited. God, we did. Like, it's like all hitting me.

[Megan]

My makeup would have been tore.

[Yana]

Oh. I'm like, I'm walking down the aisle and that's what I'm feeling. Like one in a million. I found your One in a million, Melody. And I'm like, you did, God. You did it. God. So I'm like, tears coming down. My dad grabs my husband and he says these words to him.

[Lena]

He grabs me close now, just. I just want to tell you how much I love her father. He dated me about half amount of time that I had dated Melody.

[Megan]

That's hilarious.

[Lena]

He took me out on all the coffees and conversations that we had. He tested me a lot. He would tell me all the time, like, I'm testing you and I'm training. He said, I'm testing you and I'm training you. I want you to know how to love my daughter. And so anyway, he walks her down the aisle, brings it to me, and he transfers the authority and the responsibility he had of her, and he passes it to me, and he says, she's yours now, and thank you. I can sleep well tonight.

[Yana]

I can sleep well.

[Lena]

We just weeping for a little while.

[Yana]

For sure, I'd have been on the floor sobbing. So it's our wedding. And I said, CD you don't know this, but I've been writing letters for you and prayers for you for the last four years in this journal. And I want to present this journal to you because today my prayers have been answered. I love that. And then another beautiful thing is we had a pastor from Africa come to our wedding. He presented us a lamp from where.

[Lena]

We met in Uganda.

[Yana]

He said, I. I say to you, you are a light to this world. Yeah, you are a lamp post to this world. I mean, it was beautiful. It was so beautiful. And so now they're like, and now you may kiss the bride.

[Megan]

Did everybody go crazy?

[Yana]

Everybody.

[Lena]

It was like, nuts. It's like we won the Super Bowl.

[Megan]

It was like the Super Bowl.

[Lena]

That deal erupted. Everybody stood up. Our pastor was very good at officiating that. And. And I pulled out breath spray because.

[Megan]

I know that's right.

[Lena]

You said, yeah, that's the girl in almost seven years now. And I sprayed it. I took the veil and unveiled her. I drew her close.

[Yana]

And it was just so sweet and beautiful. And it was just so beautiful. We had a wonderful wedding. I love my wedding. I love my wedding. And so now we're on our honeymoon. Hey. And he goes to get a coffee in a newspaper the next day, and he's like, babe, you're not gonna believe this. I'm like, what?

[Megan]

He's like, we're on the front cover.

[Yana]

Of the Chicago Sun Times.

[Lena]

And I'm like, the Sunday paper.

[Yana]

What?

[Megan]

I'm kind of Interested in what your experience has been. Just as my mom going from. Because 20, 21, boy.

[Yana]

So when you, when your kids are going through, you're going through. Yeah, I was living in hell because I. Every other day I'm getting a call that you want to enter your life. Like, every other day. It's not like.

[Megan]

And she's not being. She's not exactly.

[Yana]

I'm not being dramatic. It was true. Like, and I'm in. I'm 450, 80 something miles away and I couldn't touch you. Like, that was, you know. Yeah, it was. It. It was very hard for me because I wanted. Going back to what I said. I wanted to fix you. I said, God, my child can't leave here. She got kids. And I, you know, it was just. It was hard. Yeah, it was hard. It was. And I said, you got to tell me what to do. So I did a lot more praying. Like, lord, I need to know how to handle this. Because at any moment something could happen. I mean, you know, it. It was. It was dark.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

Yeah, it was. It was a dark time. And I feel like if I didn't have the Lord. Yeah. If I did not have God, I could have lost it at that time too. Yeah. Because I didn't know what to do. I felt like I was helpless. I was help. Helpless and. And. I felt a little lost at that time and. But because God is so faithful.

[Megan]

He.

[Yana]

He's so faithful that he still teach me how to minister to you. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

[Megan]

Because here, like, when she says, like, every other day, it really was. And the only thing I would have, like, I would call my mom. I remember probably almost every single time I was at the airport or about to leave somewhere, I would have like a massive anxiety attack. And it was the, like, the only thing that could get me to calm down would be to call you. And you would literally have to like, literally, like, walk me off the ledge. Either through text or I'm like talking, talking in the bathroom in the back.

[Yana]

Like, you have my desire.

[Megan]

I was having. I was just tormented for years. Like, tormented.

[Yana]

Those conversations still sometimes hunt me. Like I can think back on them. And I'm like, lord, this is what, what God did with me in this time. This is what. Where things kind of shifted with me and you. I really, really went before him on. Tell me what to say. Yeah, just tell me what to say. Because sometimes it was just to listen. Yeah. And pray. And other times it's like, tell her this. Say this. So I was. There was a. There was something happening with me during that time with the Lord as well as you going through, like he was taught. He was teaching me. People too much compare themselves to other people when you really should compare yourself to Jesus. That's it. And then when I think people also. The Bible tells us never to think more of yourself than you all in the church. We are thinking way too much of ourselves still. God is not at the wheel, really.

[Megan]

I mean, because we got to have a sober mind.

[Yana]

You got to. And you cannot be on the throne of your own heart. Jesus has to be on that throne. And don't think more of yourself than you should. That's humbling. When that happens, then you don't. You're able to just deal with people in a. In a peaceable way where it's really out of love. I asked God too, because I think people are really fearful too. And I think fear has a lot to do with the way people react. Yeah. And the Bible says, perfect love cast out fear. So pray that God perfects his love in you. You know, pray stuff like that. I try to teach people too, to pray. The word of God, like, created me a clean heart. Oh, God, renew a right spirit in me.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

I want to be more like you.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

Quote those words and mean it. Be sincere when you go before God.

[Megan]

And to have the humility of what.

[Yana]

That brings, of what it's going to bring.

[Megan]

Because when you ask the Lord, don't just be praying these, these. These beautiful scriptures. Right.

[Yana]

And.

[Megan]

But not really. If you're asking for the Lord to create in you a clean heart and you're praying the way David said to say, lord, search my heart and if.

[Yana]

You find any wicked way in me.

[Megan]

Lead to the way of every lack. Don't just say that and then be offended about how he shows you stuff. Because what I'm learning is that the more I am approaching the Lord in intimacy with him and the more we're having this relation and I'm seeing Him, he's showing me me that's what he gonna do. And everything that I'm saying ain't like him. Right. But he's showing you because he wants you to be like him. He's. I'm not pointing this out to you so that you can be in condemnation.

[Yana]

Right.

[Megan]

I'm not pointing this out to you so that you can be in shame. I'm pointing this out to you because I'm after your holiness.

[Yana]

Yes.

[Megan]

I'm after you to look like me.

[Yana]

He. And he wants To. He wants you to be his friend as he's your friend. And he don't call everybody friend. Okay. So some of the people that I. I want to be like. I want to be like Ena, who walked with God till he wasn't like that. He got close.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

He just. He could. His body could not anymore contain perfection. He was so close. Yeah. That he just had to go on. Like, I admire that.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

Like that. Because God wants that. I think he created humanity for himself because he wanted something that was so close to him that he could fellowship with. And that's what we are here for, is to be. To fellowship with God and to be his friend. And he. And let him be a friend to you. And the way you do that. And this goes back to something else me and you have talked about. You can't just glory in the resurrection, but also in the fellowship of his suffering. That's how you become friend. Friends with God. You have to. You have to be willing to embrace both. Take up your cross daily.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

Like he did.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

And that's how you get to be like it.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

It's not all in this. Making me happy every day. Yeah.

[Megan]

Because he ain't after your happiness. He wants you. He's after your holiness. And I think that I remember going through the awe of God with. With the Patreon community. And I remember John Bevere talking about what friendship with the Lord looks like. And he was like, he wasn't everybody's friend. Come on. In the. In the. In the. Like, he was a friend to those who had reverence of him. He was a friend to those who fe. And I think that because we project the context of our culture and our. In our society onto the context of God and how we're supposed to live as Christians. You cannot do that because culture tells you you can't love somebody that you fear. But this word tells us that fear is the first step to wisdom. Like, if you want wisdom, you gotta fear the Lord. How can we help people define what God's good is?

[Yana]

Yeah. I mean, I think the most important and basic answer is, do you know the narratives we've been given? Do you know. Have you read through the text that God calls his holy word for a reason? And do you understand the weight of. In the culture, in the context that's happening within those stories? Because in that place, when you grow up in a Christian context, you become numb to all the terms that are used. You're like, I know Pharisees are bad, but I don't Know why? I know the woman at the well was scandalous, but I don't know why. I know that tax collectors were frowned upon, but I don't know why. Right. Like this is why I love the Word of God, is because when you dive into that and you become a student of the Word, it's mind blowing. The layers of truth and.

[Megan]

Just.

[Yana]

Is just profound. What is in there.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

And so I think especially in the Old Testament, when you open up the Old Testament, it is rife with abuse and suffering and injustice all throughout.

[Lena]

All throughout.

[Yana]

All throughout. And the crazy thing that I think about two, I think when I get a little like, I don't know, sometimes when I have a pity party for myself, I'm going like, oh, but I have the Holy Spirit. And a lot of those people just had, they, they didn't have. They had a person who had it or a pillar or a sign, but they didn't have the Holy Spirit.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

And so I think one yet go to the Word and become a student of the Word to see how God walked with people through those things. I think the other thing is just be willing to like when I think about myself as a 10 year old, I needed someone to lament with me.

[Megan]

Yep.

[Yana]

Like I just needed someone to be broken, to recognize that what took place. Place was not right.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

Was not good. Was not holy. Was not God's desire for his creation.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Yana]

I needed that recognition. And then I think this sense of just being willing to. We are quick to run from a situation when we don't know the answers. Right. And the average Christian is like, I'm not a theologian or I'm not a Bible scholar. I'm like, you know what people really need in that place which is like such a simple but profound gift, is faithfulness. When God models faithfulness to us perfectly. Which is insane by the way, because it's like, hey, I'm going to make a covenant with you. You're not going to keep it, but I'm going to keep mine. Right?

[Megan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Yana]

That's insane. But then going like, this person has these profound questions about their faith that I don't even know where to start with. Like when that person asked me that question, I realized, oh, it's a question for me too. And that can scare you because it's like, but I know God has all truth, but I don't know what the truth is in this situation. Like what's the answer? But there's a humility and I think a beautiful witness and a path that God wants to take us on when we commit in faithfulness to this person saying, I don't know what the answer.

[Megan]

Is in your Christian walk. One of the most important things I feel like I've had to learn is learn how to be weak, right? And this isn't new, y'.

[Yana]

All.

[Megan]

Like, let's go over to Deuteronomy, right? When they're in the wilderness, the Lord is allowing them not to have food and not to have water. And he's weakening them for what? So that they can be dependent and not self reliant. He takes them through a season where they, where He. He's weakening them so that they learn how to depend and on the Lord and not be self reliant in themselves, right? So this isn't new. The Lord is always after that. He's always after his strength in our lives, his strength to be made perfect in our lives, right? The Bible says that we are jars of clay, right? We, we have treasure in this jar of clay. Well, what is, what does that mean, the jar of clay? Well, if you go over to Genesis 2, right? We're made from the dirt. That's what clay is, right? We're just dirt. But on the inside of us there's treasure. Because what the Lord does with our weakness is that he produces great treasure on the inside of us, right? You look over in, in Judges when you look at Gideon's army and he, and he, he tells them to have fewer. He weakens their, their army, he weakens their numbers. Why? So that God's glory can be on display. So that they cannot boast in themselves, but only in the Lord. This is a common, a common thing I even think about, like what Job went through, even being a righteous man, right? Because sometimes, sometimes the, the. The trials that we experience in the Lord weakening us is so that he can things to us reveal. He can be revealing sin in our heart and he could be revealing a level of his, of his nature and his character that we do not know yet. And so, and even when I look at, when I look at Job, it's like he was a righteous man. He did not sin to the degree of what his friends were accusing him that he sinned of. But then he comes to the end. And in job, job 42, this is @ the end of the, of the, of the book of Job. And in chapter 42, verse.

[Yana]

Five.

[Megan]

Through six, he says, I have heard reports about you, but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I reject my words and I am sorry for them. I am dust and ashes so he, so he goes through all these things and he's like, I've heard reports of you, but now my eyes have seen you. So after all the trials, all the, the suffering, all the weakness that Job experiences, he says, now I have seen you, now my eyes have seen you. And so I, I guess what I, what I want to, I'm going to be repeating the same point is that the Lord, the Lord wants to reveal himself to you. And there are ways that he reveals him there. There's level he reveals himself to you. That can only come through weakness. He is always after our depend like he wants us to be fully dependent on him. The Bible tells us to go and make disciples of all nations. And I'm limiting my human encounters because I want.

[Yana]

Convenience. So.

[Megan]

Good. And we're not even thinking about the long term effects of that, of.

[Yana]

How this is going to impact the.

[Megan]

Gospel. Cuz. Cuz now, because I rather be convenient. I'm not leaning in cuz what if the Holy Spirit's like, no, I don't need you to go to Kroger cuz there's somebody that I'm. That I might need you to bump into that I need you to witness to because I need you to make.

[Yana]

Disciples. Right, right, right, right. That's so.

[Megan]

Good. I'm saying that even for me, that conviction, even for me. Cuz don't think cuz you got this podcast, that's the only avenue that the Lord is going to use.

[Yana]

You. Yes. Speaking to.

[Megan]

Me. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm like, we, we have to be mindful of leaning into being convenient, like the convenience of.

[Yana]

Life. What you're saying is so good because even in terms of convenience, your emotions are convenience. Right. Your ammonia like yeah, yeah. You feel offended, be convenient. Convenient for me. What do you mean? I want to block them. It's convenient. It's convenient. But the reality is you have emotions, but don't let emotions have.

[Megan]

You.

[Yana]

Yeah. Because once emotions have you, the enemy will have you.

[Megan]

Too.

[Yana]

Yep. Like God has emotions, but God is not.

[Megan]

Emotional.

[Yana]

Yeah. Because if God was emotional, I'm telling you, we'll be seeing meteors and everything hitting every country. America maybe first. I don't know. Because.

[Lena]

America's. A lot is going on in.

[Megan]

America. You said we're the first ones to be.

[Yana]

Judged. I don't know. The UK will be. The UK will be. And Canada, child, I don't want to go into Canada. But there's a lot happening in the world. The meteors will be in Every different.

[Megan]

Place.

[Yana]

Right. But something that I'm constantly learning, even with my emotions, because I'm getting to a place of a lot of self awareness and a lot of self reflection and regulating my emotions because my emotions have deceived me many times. Can we talk about it? Oh, sis, we can talk about emotions. It's just. Wait. I'm not allowed to sing emotions on here. But I just need shout. And I haven't listened to it for a long time. But I wanted to sing this song. It's.

[Megan]

Just. I think that is such a good point that you're saying about emotions being convenient. Like, oh, like, yeah, that person made me mad. So the convenient thing is to have an attitude. Ooh, that's convenient because you made me mad so now. Or you irritated me. So the convenient thing would be to have an attitude, but the godly thing would be to do what? To lean into love. To lean into humility. Right. But I think, I think what we have, number one, we have an entitlement issue. So we're entitled. However, I feel I got the right because that's what culture tells.

[Yana]

Us. Yeah. The entitlement is.

[Megan]

Dangerous. It's the entitlement. But then we lack patience.

[Yana]

So. Good. And that's a.

[Megan]

Discipline. Patience, a discipline. I'm telling you, I think we have to. Really? Because when you said like, you're taking accountability and doing a lot of self reflection, I've been like, knee deep into the Lord being like, yeah, let's talk about.

[Yana]

You.

[Megan]

Sorry.

[Yana]

Yes. The way God speaks to, you know, got to be the way God is.

[Megan]

Direct. We. I understand, but let's talk about you. We gonna, we gonna put a flashlight on your heart. Right. So let's, let's deal with your heart and, and in. I think it exposes or I'll say for me, what is exposed is that you have a self control. You have lack of self.

[Yana]

Control. That's for.

[Megan]

Me. You have lack of.

[Yana]

Patience.

[Megan]

Mm. You have lack of humility, you have lack of love, you have lack of generosity. And I think for me, I'm like, I am the most generous person. No, you're not. You're generous in a convenient way. It's, it's, it's. It's convenient for you to buy.

[Yana]

Stuff.

[Megan]

Wow. And you think that you're generous because. Oh, yeah, here, that's convenient. But are you generous with your love? Are you generous with your.

[Yana]

Patience?

[Megan]

Good. Are you generous with your.

[Yana]

Time? So.

[Megan]

Good. Guarding your heart means that I am on my post and I'm not getting off I am protecting this thing because why? Because from it flows the issues of life, right? And so when I, when I, when I look at the word guard and when I was, when I was looking at Commentary and I was just looking up Scripture and I was looking up, like what this, the context of this, of this scripture is. When it says guard, it means keep watch, keep, over, keep, protect, observe. So I want to, I want to. I want to. I want to overemphasize that, that we are keeping watch, that we are keep. We're watching over, that we're, we're keeping from evil, right? To guard your heart means that you're keeping it from something. You're protecting it. The heart isn't just the location of your emotions, but it's also the location of your knowledge and your decisions. So I think a lot of times we think of our heart and we think with our emotions, but it, but the Bible says that from it flows the issues of life. Not just the flow, the issues of feelings, but everything comes from the heart, right? And so we have to keep in proper context why it's so important to guard this heart. And what the Bible says gives us context of what our heart is. What is, like, what is our heart. What does the Bible say about our heart? Well, then if you go to Jeremiah 17:9, the Bible gives us context about our heart. The heart is more deceitful than anything else and incurable. Who can understand it? Well, that's so interesting to me because we hear so much language in our culture about following your heart. Follow your heart, just whatever your heart tells you to do. Well, my Bible tells me that my heart is deceitful. So I probably should not be always following my heart. I should probably follow Scripture, right? I should probably be following the will of God. And According to Proverbs 3, I need to be guarding my heart. Because if I leave my heart to itself, it's evil. If I let my heart just do whatever it wants to do, it's not going to lead me down the path of the will of the Lord if I'm not submitted to God. If I'm not. I'm not disciplined in my spiritual practices. Like I, If I just leave my heart to itself, it's deceitful. I can't trust my heart in, in the, in a, in a. In a literal chapter before it says, trust in the Lord with all your heart. It doesn't say trust your life with all your. With all your. Or trust your heart with your entire life. No trust in the Lord. I am not Supposed to trust this heart because it's deceitful. I don't even know the contents of my heart. Only God does. Right. So that's just giving us a framework of. Of about the heart, about our hearts. Right. There's a scripture that's in Matthew, in Matthew 15, that gives us a little bit more context about our hearts. Right. And so in Matthew 15, starting at 18, it says, but what comes out of the mouth comes from the heart, and it. And it defiles a person. Right? So they're talking about, you know, can we eat this, can we eat that? And Lord, Lord is like, what goes in the stomach stays in the stomach, right? It goes in the stomach, it comes out the body, whatever. But what comes out of the mouth is an indication of what is in the.

[Yana]

Heart. This is why knowledge of God is so important. Because when you feel conviction, where you have an awareness of a law that you've broken, if you don't have scripture in your heart that says, not only have I sinned against him as judge and lawmaker, but he is also a savior and a high.

[Megan]

Priest.

[Yana]

Yeah. You might just stay on the sin and not move towards him because you don't think that he's also able to save, saved and able to deliver and able to forgive. It's very much like Genesis 3, where it's like, no, I'm a hide behind this tree. Because we. We. We heard you in the garden and we were afraid. It's like, yeah, but he's Messiah. Yeah.

[Lena]

He's.

[Yana]

He's. He's deliverer. He's king. And so you have to also have a knowledge of God that says, I can come to him with this and trust that if I'm in Him, there actually is no condemnation for me. So he. All he wants to give me is grace. Yeah. You know what I'm.

[Megan]

Saying? Because I think.

[Yana]

That. I think it's the flesh and the enemy. Because the flesh opposes the spirit, the enemy opposes us. All of it is working together to say, God does not like you. God does not want to be near you. God, like, he wants us to believe that we are still his enemies, even though we exist as.

[Megan]

Justified.

[Yana]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And that's why we got to read Romans to get that stuff in our system where it's like, no. Like, if he is for.

[Megan]

Me.

[Yana]

Yeah. No one can be against me.

[Megan]

Not even my own self, not even me. Literally, the very knowledge of God's. And I think I've talked to you about this in ways that I've struggled. It's like, because I know his holiness, the Lord. I feel like the Lord created me in a way where it's like when Megan knows truth, she knows truth, but in knowing truth, the enemy leverages truth against.

[Yana]

Me.

[Megan]

Okay. So where the truth should actually produce more reverence in me and more like gratitude because he's holy and yet he's merciful and kind and I'm in Him and there is no condemnation and he. There's grace and all the things the enemy in works in my mind to be like. Like you said, there's no way that this holy God can like.

[Yana]

You.

[Megan]

Yeah. There's no way this holy God wants to be near your raggedy.

[Yana]

Self.

[Megan]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And it's like the very knowledge of his holiness, like the enemies telling me the truth and lying to me at the same.

[Yana]

Time. It's.

[Megan]

Shame. Yeah. It's like I want. I. I want you. Like, I want you to be defeated in thinking that the Lord is for you. Once you. Loves you and has a plan for you, to prosper you and not to Like, I don't want you to believe that that's.

[Yana]

True.

[Megan]

Yeah. And it's all wrapped up in the truth of his.

[Yana]

Holiness. Because you. Because here, here's the thing. It's like we, I think we are been. Have been trained and discipled to know that we have to go to war on sexual sin. I don't think we have been trained and disciple to know that we have to go to war on.

[Megan]

Shame.

[Yana]

Yeah. That is just as.

[Megan]

Demonic.

[Yana]

Yep. As sexual.

[Megan]

Sin.

[Yana]

Yeah. It's a perversion. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you are in Christ, there is no condemnation, neither death, nor life, nor principalities, nor this, nor that will separate you from the love of God. And I remember I called you, I was like, what that mean, though? Yeah, like, what does that actually mean? And I was thinking about, like, love. What. What is love? Love means God is always moving towards me. God is always for me. God is not my enemy. God is not working against me. And so it's like if he. If God, the creator of the universe is for me, and not in an arrogant sense, not in a. But if he is for me, then I, like, I can move towards him and know he'll receive me. Yeah.

[Megan]

Right. Yeah. The Lord isn't just going to judge the content creators, but also the content consumers. So please believe that if you're a Christian, you also will be judged by what you kept.

[Yana]

Consuming. Say.

[Megan]

More.

[Yana]

Hello.

[Megan]

Goodbye. Because you're, you're, you're the one feeding the, you're feeding the.

[Yana]

Algorithm. So what is it about the consumer that is intrigued by this.

[Megan]

Content? Because it's, It. What is it? In Timothy second one. Timothy second. One of them, where he's talking about they will.

[Yana]

Acquire. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Megan]

Yeah. Teachers suit their own to suit their own passions. Because you don't have the courage to say it, but you'll watch a bunch of people to say it, and then you'll be like, well, they said it. I didn't say. But you watched it. You got your notifications on, you ran to the comments. You, you, you, you, you subscribe to the channel. You like that, you like that type of content. And you think that because that person created it, that people that, that they're the only ones that are going to get judged by it. You will.

[Yana]

Too. Christian consumer, which is Romans 1, where it talk. Let me read it just so they don't think you talking outside of your neck. It says, though they know this is Romans 1, 20, 32. Because you'd be having a little scripture at the bottom like that. Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die. So they are aware of that is wrong, that's unrighteous. They not only do them, but give approval to those who practice them. So our approval, our affirmation matters. It does. And I think some of it is ignorance. And so I hope this conversation brings awareness to the problematic nature of it. So you have to ask the question of, is what I'm watching, even if it's Christian content, is it helping me love God.

[Megan]

Better? The two greatest commandments, which is.

[Yana]

Love the lawyer God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and love your neighbor as yourself. So that's the second question. Is it helping me love my neighbor more? And I know some of y', all, some of you, where's the camera? I know some of y' all are sitting here. I got comfortable. Some of y' all are like, yeah, it's making me, you know, they're watchmen. They're helping me have discernment. They're helping me, you know, know who's false and who's, who's, who's wrong. Jude could help you with that, too. Ephesians can help you with that.

[Megan]

Too. Yeah, but that also wasn't the question. What is it helping you love.

[Yana]

God more, But they think it's helping them love God more and helping them love their neighbor for specifically content related to the you know. You know how I feel about the whole. False prophets and people so called having words from the Lord at 2:30 in the morning. All the stuff like, how is this cultivating godliness? Love for neighbor, love for Christ. It's like the way we be talking about monitoring spirits and you don't even know what lamentation says. The way we be talking about astral projection and you ain't sat through one book of Revelation yet. The way we be talking about all these different dimensions and different realms, but you are still mean to your husband. The way we be talking about demons and authorities and principalities and powers, but you don't know what justification is. You can't explain to me propitiation. You ain't never mentioned atonement ever. And neither has the prophet. I ain't never heard them preach the gospel. I ain't never heard them pray for the people they call out. Interesting. Even Stephen prayed for people stoning him. So to me, that gives me insight. I'm just irritated, but we can move on. This is why I'm irritated. I just have to be.

[Megan]

Honest. I think sometimes you just gotta pause. Give her a second, she'll jump right back.

[Yana]

In. Good. I guess. Because it's all deception. I think that's what's here.

[Megan]

That's. Yeah. It's like we talked about that. The craftiness of it.

[Yana]

All. It's just. Yeah. And it's like y' all don't see.

[Megan]

It.

[Yana]

Yeah. I guess I think that's what concerns me is that we're getting caught up in Starbucks cups and Nike shoes and we're just. We're getting so distracted by the stuff we don't see. Like. No. Like if people are not training me to love God and love my neighbor according to scripture, in a way that looks like Jesus, in a way that cost me something. In a way that I have to deny myself. In a way that I had to probably fast. In a way where I got to forget. If they are not training me to do that, I should not listen to them. I don't care how powerful they seem.

[Megan]

Period. If you're not living your true worship, then what you are experiencing is.

[Yana]

Emotionalism.

[Megan]

Okay. The songs are just good. It's tickling your emotions because you didn't. Living it is different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that will. Then. Then when you're worshiping, it comes from an overflow of the true worship that you lived Monday through.

[Yana]

Saturday. That's.

[Megan]

It. That's it. But if you're not doing your true worship, your reasonable service Monday through Saturday, what you're experiencing is emotionalism, because guess what? As soon as that song's over, them tears dry up, you walk out, and you're the same. You walk out, you're still mad. You pick up your attitude right where you left off, right in the.

[Yana]

Car. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Megan]

Yeah. Right. But when there is a reasonable service that is worked out Monday through Saturday. Right. There's. There's an overflow of it. Yeah. And guess what? Regardless if your favorite worship leader is on the platform or not, regardless if they're singing your favorite song, because there's an overflow from what you have lived Monday through Saturday, your hands are lifted. Regard. Like, you're not waiting for someone to invoke an emotion out of you. You're already.

[Yana]

There. You're.

[Megan]

There. I've worshiped all.

[Yana]

Week. All week.

[Megan]

Literally. I've been worshiping all week. Sunday isn't the first time I.

[Yana]

Worship. Come on.

[Megan]

Megan. I've worshiped all week. I've outdone with somebody in.

[Yana]

Honor.

[Megan]

I've. I've. I've forgiven. I have done good to my neighbor. I have served. Yeah, yeah, right. That's.

[Yana]

Worship. Yeah, yeah.

[Megan]

Yeah. Not you getting you waiting for somebody to hit a good run, and it's.

[Lena]

Like, wait till the bridge.

[Yana]

Comes. Wait till the bridge comes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, not at all. Yeah, yeah. That's a word, Megan. That's a.

[Megan]

Word.

[Yana]

Nah. Yeah.

[Megan]

Yeah. I. I've been. I've even been convicted about the Lord being like, nah, don't even wait till you get to church. Because even Sundays, it's like, oh, well, I'm gonna go to church. I don't need to pray. No, get before me before you even get to.

[Yana]

Church. Worship before.

[Megan]

Worship. Worship before.

[Yana]

Worship. That's.

[Megan]

Good. Yeah. Yeah. Pray for your. Pray for your pastor before you go to.

[Lena]

Church. Yeah, yeah.

[Yana]

Yeah.

[Megan]

How. How much are we. How many times are we praying for our pastors? How often are we praying for our worship leaders? How often are we praying for our parking lot.

[Yana]

Volunteers? That's.

[Megan]

It. Yeah. Our children's ministry.

[Yana]

Volunteers. Yeah. That's good. Yeah.

[Lena]

Yeah. And that prepares your heart even. It's like when you're in the.

[Yana]

Car ride listening to worship.

[Lena]

Praying.

[Yana]

You're.

[Lena]

You're. You're creating an atmosphere for.

[Megan]

Expectation.

[Yana]

Yes. Like, okay, it's not even about me.

[Megan]

Anymore.

[Yana]

Yeah. You start praying for your pastor, the parking lot volunteers. You realize, like, church isn't set up to serve you. It's not about.

[Megan]

You. It's not.

[Yana]

About. It's about.

[Megan]

Him. It's about.

[Yana]

Him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You might go and the pastor might give a word. That is irrelevant to your season. Are you still going to.

[Megan]

Worship?

[Yana]

Hello. It's.

[Megan]

Not.

[Lena]

Hello. The sermon isn't about.

[Megan]

You.

[Lena]

Hello. The sermon is supposed to get you to see Christ. And if what you see that.

[Yana]

Day isn't applicable to your season, just put in your back pocket. You're going to need it one.

[Megan]

Day. You sure.

[Yana]

Is.

[Megan]

Yeah. You're going to need it at some point. That's.

[Yana]

It. That's.

[Megan]

It. I think we. It's just like take yourself out of the center of your life.

[Lena]

Good. That's.

[Yana]

Good. That's.

[Megan]

Good. He wants to be the center of.

[Yana]

Everything.

[Megan]

Yeah. It's not about.

[Yana]

You. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Megan]

Never. It's just.

[Yana]

Not.

[Megan]

Yeah. It's not about how you feel. It's not about what you want. It's not about. It's about him.

[Lena]

Period. Yeah.

[Megan]

Yeah. We were created for him by.

[Yana]

Him.

[Megan]

Yeah. That's.

[Yana]

It. That's.

[Megan]

It. You are created for. By him. For.

[Yana]

You.

[Megan]

Yeah. Like, thanks for creating me. I got it. I'm gonna do my, you know.

[Yana]

No. Yeah.

[Megan]

Yeah. And that's why this has been like a thing for.

[Yana]

Me. That's good. That's good. Yeah. I heard somebody once say that you were saved from God. By.

[Megan]

God. For.

[Yana]

God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So for sure.

[Lena]

Saved. It starts with him, it ends with.

[Megan]

Him. For sure. Jesus is showing them, I'm here to save.

[Yana]

You and.

[Megan]

Them. Why aren't you rejoicing? What I found so interesting as I was just studying and. Yeah. Studying this. And as I've just again, I've been reading a lot about the prodigal son and reading a lot about this parable and what it means. One thing that, that Tim Keller brought out, a few points that he brought out when it comes to the younger.

[Yana]

Son.

[Megan]

Right. Is that the younger son is the one who is far from the Lord through self discovery. He wants to do his own thing. Right. And I think that a lot of us can identify with that. I know for me personally, I can identify with that. There was a. A season of my life for a number of years where I was. So I had become. My heart had become so hardened towards the things of God. I became so bitter and prideful and all the things where I just was like, I'm just going to do what I want. I'm just gonna do what I want. I'm not gonna do it God's way. I want to do it my way. I want to discover who I am apart independent of God. I'm just gonna do my own thing so I can identify with that. I can identify with wanting to discover who you are outside of God. And we clearly see the danger in that, right? Remember, you were created by him for Him. You don't know you apart from knowing him. The real you, the true you, the one that he created you to be, the person that he created you to be. You can't know that person apart from God. You are the creation, he is the Creator. So the Creator has to give the purpose to the creation. I can't know myself independent of God. He's the one who created me. So there is a danger in self discovery, something that we have to be mindful of, right? Trying to seek fulfillment through autonomy is dangerous. That's a dangerous thing to do. Doing anything apart from God, doing anything independent of God is dangerous. And I can, and I, and I promise you, I can tell you firsthand, I, I, I know how dangerous it is. I know the consequences to doing life and, and doing me independent of, of God, independent of Christ. Right? Proverbs 14:12 says, There is a way that seems right to a man, but ends in, but its end is the way to death. There was a way that seemed right to this prodigal son, but look where it ended him up in. That's why the Bible says, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. The Son, the prodigal son. Just like many of us, we lean on our own understanding. We, we, we try to do things our own way and look where it ends, where we end up. Remember the Father said, this son of mine that was dead and is now alive because there, if we do our own thing, we out of our own flesh, out of our own understanding, it leads to death. Tim Keller gives an insight to, to the younger son and saying asking for inheritance early is a form of rebellion in an attempt to define, to control and define happiness apart from the Father. So again, trying to have fulfillment and autonomy apart from the Father, apart from him is rebellion. And this is what that young, that the, the younger son is doing. Tim Keller said that sin is not just breaking the rules, but it's putting yourself in place of God. Pause and ask yourself, in what ways have I put myself on the throne where God.

[Lena]

Belongs? The Bible says Aaron made the calf, presented it to the people. The Bible says when he saw how they reacted, they did a praise break. They shouted, they screamed, they, they bucked. Huh? Oh ta ta. They shouted, they Screamed they buck. The Bible says when he saw that, get this, Megan, he then made an altar to it. My God, he was gauging their response. Meaning I'm not going to preach what makes God.

[Megan]

Excited.

[Lena]

Yeah. What makes God happy. I'm going to look at what makes them.

[Megan]

Excited. And I'm a preach.

[Lena]

That. And I'm a preach that, and I'm going to make an altar to it. Meaning you sacrifice for this, you yield for this. This is why we have a warped understanding of what denying ourself is. You think denying yourself only works for work ethic. You need to deny yourself some sleep so you can get some money, so. So you can go do what you got to do. And it's preachers that preach what excites people, and they built altars to it. And you are worshiping a God that is culturally relevant, but it sounds like the real God. Why? Because I can be smarter. I am smart enough as a Bible scholar. All right, whatever. I can trick people into believing whatever I want them to believe because I know how to make it sound so good and so biblical, and it's not God. I'm not preaching Bible. The only reason I can do that, though, is because I know you don't.

[Yana]

Read.

[Lena]

Right. I know. I know you don't. You don't.

[Megan]

Study.

[Lena]

Hello. I've spent more time this week studying than you. And. And because my heart is wicked. Because. Because I. I love to please.

[Megan]

Man.

[Lena]

Yeah. Because I need to get money. Because I need all these things. I'm going to trick you into believing that this is. This is God. And that's. That's literally all he.

[Megan]

Did.

[Lena]

Yeah. And they. And they worship that God. This is powerful. Because in Exodus 32, it says the next day they had a festival for God. Right? The Lord. And then after they had the festival for the Lord, they had the festival for the calf. I think. I think we're confused as to the. As to what the enemy's strategy is. He's not trying to take away Jesus. He's trying to get Jesus. And he can't trick us that way if he just takes away Jesus. Let's stop worshiping Jesus in church. Who gonna go there? Yeah, let's worship Jesus. And let's. Do. Mind you, the only reason this is working is because it's nothing wrong with the other stuff I said. Right? But when I mix in my.

[Megan]

Worship, Jesus needs something.

[Lena]

Else. I'm saying he.

[Megan]

Needs. He needs something added to him, and he.

[Lena]

Doesn'T. The devil is not trying to eradicate Jesus. Out of the church. The devil is trying to bring something else with Jesus. A diluted Jesus. And. And this is. This is just how it works.

[Megan]

We. It's Genesis 3. Did he really say. It's just like.

[Lena]

This. Really say. And I'mma mix in what's true with what's.

[Megan]

False.

[Lena]

Yes. We think the devil is a liar because he's always.

[Megan]

Lying. Sometimes it's facts, but it got some lies in it too. Like all of it ain't completely a.

[Lena]

Lie. You know. You know what makes the devil a liar more than.

[Megan]

Anything?

[Lena]

Yeah. He's not saying what God is saying. That's what makes him a liar. He's not saying what God said.

[Yana]

Liar for.

[Lena]

Sure. Your facts is not what God is saying about.

[Megan]

You. Not true.

[Lena]

Yeah. It's a fact that you slept around. The truth is you are righteous and.

[Megan]

Redeemed.

[Lena]

Hello. You're not a. Hello. That's a fact to the world. He's lying because he's not saying what God said. What did God say? So he always says. Did God really say. That's the. That's the beginning of the.

[Megan]

Line.

[Lena]

Yeah.

[Megan]

Right.

[Lena]

Yeah. But it's like we, we've. We've. We've mixed in these other things. We're worshiping Jesus.

[Yana]

And.

[Lena]

Yeah. And it's all from gods we.

[Megan]

Created.

[Lena]

Yeah. With our.

[Megan]

Ears. Yeah.

[Lena]

Yeah. What we want to.

[Megan]

Hear.

[Lena]

Yeah. What we want to.

[Megan]

Get. You got to work it out yourself. You have to participate in the work. You have to work out your salvation. You don't have to earn your salvation, but you do have to work it out. You cannot earn it, but you must work it out. With fear and trembling, knowing that it is he that is working in you the will to work and do his good works. He's working that will and that desire in you to endure and. And persevere and to do what he has called you to do. He's working that will in you. You're not always going to want to do it. The second we started pedaling is the second that it. That we could get further. Doesn't mean that the work wasn't still hard. Doesn't mean that. That the circumstances changed, but the way we were experiencing, the circumstance changed. If we would have took that same route with no battery, no motor, it would have been a lot worse. It would have been impossible for me, maybe for Lance. He could have did it. Not Megan. I could not have done it. What I was experiencing on that bike ride was so parallel to what I've experienced in my Christian walk and it's so. It was so fascinating to me because I had put this, this little question out on threads and I asked everyone, I said, what were your expectations when you became a Christian? And when. And did those expectations align with the biblical expectations that we should have of Christianity? And almost every single person said, I thought it would be easy. I thought it would be easy. I thought it would be easier. And looking at that, the bike advertisement I thought the same thing. Oh, I thought, this is gonna be fun. It's gonna be a breeze. We're gonna be by the ocean. We're gonna, we're gonna have a beautiful scenery and we're gonna be on mopeds with our feet up. But no, we. The reality was, is that we were going to have to participate in the journey. We were gonna have to press towards the mark. We were going to have to endure, we were gonna have to persevere, we were gonna have to suffer. We were gonna have to be uncomfortable. Doesn't mean the entirety of that. That ride was that way. The majority of it was. But there were some beautiful parts of that ride. In the beginning, it was great. There were some parts in the middle that weren't as bad. The end was beautiful. And it also reminded me of one of my favorite scriptures in Romans for the, for the sufferings of this present time doesn't compare to the glory that would be revealed to us. Let me tell y' all one thing right now. Nothing. The second we got down that hill and we were headed towards the ocean and that wind came and I didn't have to pedal as hard because we're just kind of gliding and cruising down the hill, I couldn't even. I mean, I remembered the suffering, but it wasn't like it. All I could do was just enjoy the fact that I wasn't in suffering anymore. The Christian life is so much like this, this bike ride experience. There were a few quotes that I was thinking about in regards to the Christian life, and I just want to read a few of them. One is by Adrian Rogers. The Christian life is not just hard, it's impossible. Only Christ can live it through you. Just like that bike ride. Had we not had the battery in the motor, that, that, that two hour bike ride would have been impossible for me. It would have been impossible. But because we had the motor and the battery in the bike to advance our pedaling, to advance us, it made it possible. This is the same thing. You're, you, you're, you're not going to end well without Christ life. The Christian life is Impossible when you try to do it independently of the Holy Spirit. You need Christ to be a Christian. Tell us about your relationship with Caleb and what that has done for you in your life and what he means to.

[Yana]

You. Caleb is literally my best friend. Like, I mean, I might not be his. Everybody think I am, but like, I think it's definitely one sided. But no, you.

[Megan]

Are. You are Caleb's.

[Yana]

Best. Well, Caleb doesn't. It's a love and hate. He doesn't know that I act the way that I do because I love him and I want to see better. So I'm not gonna let you run amok. Yeah. But yeah, Caleb, he is, he's my road dog. I think it's divine. Yeah. I ended up here with Caleb because before even moving to Georgia, like, my plan was always to be occupational therapist, just specializing in special needs children. So moving here and then ending up being with you and the boys and me being so attached to Caleb, it was just like, like when I moved in the house and I like started doing stuff with Caleb for a slight, I had a slight thought. I was like, oh, I don't even have to go, go to school anymore. Like this. I got it. Like, I know I just need the degree to like, you know, actually work with other kids. But like, all the stuff is here. He got the poster boards, he got the marks. Like, what do I need the degree for? But yeah, I just think that's crazy how that fell into place. And Caleb is just so. He's so different, but like, he's not different because I've been around a lot of special needs children or children with special needs, but they all, they all, they all are different, but they all prove to me that, that, oh, you're actually very capable. You actually. And so living with Caleb because I've never lived with a child with special needs, but living with him, it's like it made me realize that the world really just don't care. And it's like, yeah, it just take a little bit of effort and consistency and a heart and it's like, wow. Like the things that when you first like, like introduced me to Caleb and expressed to me, like what the doctor said and what his diagnosis, like, what all that entails, it's like, okay, but then you get to live with him and it's like you forget that. It's like, what were y' all talking about? Because like the first thing that always is like, he'll never talk but sings like, yeah, what you should lose your, your license for telling a Parent that. Because that. It's literally a.

[Megan]

Lie.

[Yana]

Yeah. What is that then? Yeah, so it's like. Like, it was just. It really did open. And Kayla's probably the first person that actually, like, I had to be patient with because I lived with him. So, like, you know, dealing with.

[Megan]

Kids and that's an area for.

[Yana]

You. I'm not patient. I've never been patient. And I get that from my father. But, like, even my brother, like, we'd be looking at each other. We'd be like, our patience, Jordan's patience. But with. With kids with special needs, it is. It does bring out, like. Like, it's not even hard to be patient, but I think it's because you have a reason. Other things. It's like, this actually could have been prevented. Like, we can get it together. But you. I'll give you a pass. So. And I just think that's the calling that the Lord has placed on my life when it comes to special needs children. Because some things just. It just click for me. Like, it don't take all the books and stuff like that, which is why, like, yesterday I had to, like, open up my notebooks and stuff like that, because I'm like, a lot of stuff. It does just come natural, like. Yeah, that's just. Yeah, that's how you're supposed to. But me and Caleb, we click like a.

[Megan]

Magnet.

[Yana]

Yeah. Like, that is my boy. Yeah, I love.

[Megan]

Him. Romans 12 says that we are to present ourselves, our bodies, as a living sacrifice. We see that the first time that worship is introduced to us is. Is when Abraham is sacrificing Isaac. Right? So. So worship is supposed to be sacrificial. And Mary displays this. She has this beautiful display of sacrificial worship at the feet of Jesus. She shows us that worship is costly. When's the last time that. That you. That you had a worship that cost you something? Whether it was time, relationships, finances, pleasures, conveniences. When's the last time that you. That you worshiped? And I'm not talking about sitting in. In.

[Lena]

A. In.

[Megan]

A. In a gathering on a Sunday with. With beautiful music and work. Yes, that is an expression of.

[Yana]

Worship. But.

[Megan]

What. When's the last time that your life displayed a sacrificial.

[Yana]

Worship?

[Megan]

Where. Where everything stopped so that you could worship him? That you had to lay some things aside to worship him? This was beautiful. And I. And again, the Lord dignifies this. He dignifies Mary. He says, no, like, this is beautiful. Yeah, I. I think as I was just kind of processing, and the Lord Was kind of just revealing my own heart posture to me. I. I love that, that he showed me so much of my heart in. In the heart of Martha and then. And then gave me such beautiful correction through the example of Mary is that Mary prioritizes being at the feet of Jesus. No matter what she's doing, how she feels, what's going on, she's prioritizing being at his feet. And it was interesting, too, because this morning I was praying, and I feel like the Lord provoked this question on my. On my mind. I feel like the Lord provoked this question on my heart. And it was like, you know, I heard myself say in prayer, like, in my heart. I. It was like I was saying, you know, this would be a lot easier if you were just physically here. You know, like, this would be like. If you were, like, physically here, the way they had you, like the way the disciples had you and the way that they had you in the Gospels, like, physically be like, man, I feel like it would be. It would be so much easier. And I feel like the Lord was like, what would be different? And I was like, I wasn't expecting you to answer. I was just kind of just talking out, you know. But I feel like I sensed and felt like the Lord was like, what would have been.

[Yana]

Different? Like.

[Megan]

What. What's the difference? And I was like, if he. Like, if. If I was physically here, what would be different? I was like, I feel like I just would never leave your side. Like, I just would wanna. Yeah, I guess I would be like, Mary, I just would want to be at your feet all the time. I just want to learn from you and hear from you. And like. And the Lord, I felt like the Lord was like, so do that. Keep running back to me. Be at my feet. Prioritize being at my feet. Prioritize being in my.

[Yana]

Presence. And.

[Megan]

Then. And then when I tell you something to. To do, when I give you instructions, I want you to go do it. And then when you're done doing whatever the instruction is, I want you. Like, I just want you to get into this habit and rhythm of. Keep returning, keep running back to my feet. And when I send you out, I'll be with you. And when you're done with the. The. The busyness and the serving and the ministering and the this and the that and serving your family and your children and your friends and ministry. And when you. And as soon as you're done doing the activities, I want you to run right back to my feet. And I feel like that was the answer that I had been waiting for. Like, may. Like, I feel like maybe that was the answer that I've been waiting for. Like, when I'm asking, like, lord, what do you want me to do? What do you want me to do? What do you want me to do here? What do you want me to do there? And I feel like the Lord is like, I just want you at my feet. In your book, you talk about the four S's. Yeah. And I love the four S's. So tell us about the four.

[Yana]

S's.

[Megan]

Yeah. And why was that. Why was that important to you to include in this book about.

[Yana]

Community? Yeah. So the four S's are to be seen soothe, safe and secure. And the way that Dr. Kurt Thompson unpacks this is that we all come into this world looking for someone, looking for us, and our innate needs are to be seen. Soothe, safe and secure, whether we like it or not. I mean, when a baby comes out, they're just like, what is happening? Does anyone know? They're like turtles without a shell, you know? And they're looking to be found. They're looking to be seen. Like, help me. Soothed. I want to be burped and fed. Like, that's. I mean, that's what a little bitty, tiny baby needs. Secure attachment. Everybody's talking about, like, attachment stuff and all the things, but it starts off it. I mean, secure attachment is formed from 0 to 13, so we need, like, safe people that's processing through information. Parents should be processing their information, doing all the things. For some odd reason, we think we stop needing the four S's when we become adults. We're like, okay, I was raised.

[Megan]

No.

[Yana]

Yeah. Our whole life. I mean, we are just continuing to be raised. Yeah. Raised up to look like Jesus. Raised up to be moms and dads and husbands and wives. We are all still growing and learning and doing all the.

[Megan]

Things.

[Yana]

Seriously. So we actually still need to be seen. Because how many times have we entered a room and been like, oh, my gosh, I don't know anybody here? Is anybody. Oh, girl. Lord, I thought I was here by myself. Hey, girl, you was a little late. How many, like, we want to be soothed whether we like it or not? How many times have we had those moments where we're like, hey, girl, you okay? I'm fine. I'm good. And they just put that little hand on your. It's okay, girl. Come on. When we're in pain, we don't want correction. We want.

[Megan]

Comfort.

[Yana]

We. We still need to be soothed and we still need to be safe. And not like, oh, I'm creating a safe space. Spaces are not safe. I don't know what anyone's talking about at this point. It's very weird to me that we have said in this church is a safe space. No. What are y' all talking about? I could set on fire at any moment. What are you.

[Megan]

Saying? And it's filled with.

[Yana]

Humans. And it's filled with humans. What we're really talking about is safe human beings, safe people. People that can hold your stuff and stop gossiping. It's why it's so freaking important for us to stop telling everybody's business. Because we're breaching the trust of people. And it. We're literally costing them their future healthy friends. We. Because we are not healthy and we are not safe. Safe.

[Megan]

People.

[Yana]

Yes. That's what we're actually talking about. We're not creating safe spaces and.

[Megan]

Environments.

[Yana]

Yeah. What we should be doing is being a safe person so that we can create safety for.

[Megan]

People. I love.

[Yana]

That. And when you have those three S's, you feel seen by someone deeply. They know you for real, for real. Everything that you've done. And they love you the same when you feel soothed, like, I can come to you with my stuff and you ain't gonna be like, girl, get over that. Dang, you still crying? He wasn't even that.

[Megan]

Cute. No.

[Yana]

Way. Yes, he.

[Megan]

Was. He was.

[Yana]

Fine. I'm ghost following him. Okay. And when we feel safe, then it creates secure.

[Megan]

Attachment.

[Yana]

Yeah. And I could go on and on about this. Secure attachment is so important because we have a propensity as people to project our earthly relationships on our Heavenly Father. And we are making it really difficult for people to trust an unseen God. Because the people that we see are not safe and not good. And they say that they're gonna be. They love Jesus all. And we are tainting people's ability. Like I get, I mean, 21, 22 year old Tony, who believed the good in people. When I saw that they were just really mean people, I started to project that on God. We must be mean too. I mean, good Lord, like all these people, they say they love him and they're pastors and they're doing all this stuff. Then if this is what holiness looks like, then, oh my gosh, that's really. Maybe a really mean God. God. And I'm not saying we have to coddle believers, but I am saying that our faith grows. It starts off super small and fragile, the size of a mustard seed. And we have to, like, care for the people that are just exposing.

[Megan]

Them. And I think, you know, I think it's really hard to be that for people when you haven't accepted that from the God. Do you see what I'm saying? And I think that people hurt people because they haven't. They haven't received that security and that soothing and that. That safety and that. That attack. They haven't received that from God. And it's available. It's.

[Yana]

Available. And from that you get to.

[Megan]

Overflow. Yes. And now, because I've received that from our Heavenly Father, let's go into this school year making discipleship a priority. As much as we are their education, as much as we are their sports and their. Their talents and all the things that I'm sure your kids are gifted to do, let's also make. Make sure as believers, we are prioritizing, discipling our children, right? For this is what the Lord has commanded us to do. And so I. I think the biggest part of this in the beginning, where it says, love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. These words are to be in your heart, right? And so I think it's really important that in order to disciple our children, like, we also have to put a demand on the intimacy and the relationship that we have with the Lord. The Bible says, John 14:15, that if you love me, you'll follow my command. Right? Commands. And so we. If we love the Lord, then we also have to be obedient to the.

[Yana]

Lord.

[Megan]

Okay? It's. It's our love for the Lord that should drive our obedience. Not coming from a place of fear. And I think that we have to be mindful of this because we can. We can display this and then pass that down to our children. If we're not coming from a place of delight and we're coming from a place of. If you don't, God's gonna do that. Like, if it's coming from a place of fear, then we raise our children up like that, and they don't delight in the Lord and they don't know that the Lord loves them and cares for them and wants them to delight in. In him and be satisfied in him and not just coming from a place of fear. So I think it's really important that we. We. We posture our hearts in a way that we are loving and delighting in the Lord and in our relationship with him first. First, so that we can give that to our children, so that we can exemplify that for our children. And model that for our children. Right? Discipleship is important because it, it's not just in the ways that you, you know, you say things or you instruct, but it's also in the way that you live. I tell you guys all the time, my mom, she was so great at being an example. Like, I learned so much from my mom, not, not so much by the things she just sat down and taught me, but how she lived her life. I saw her pray, I saw her walk around the house and, and, and, and prayer and, and communicating with God all the time. I, I. You guys know how many times I have woken up and my mom has had her hands on my head, laying hands on me? I told y' all about one time I had pink eye. My mom then put olive oil on my eye, woke up with, I said, now I'm blind. First I had red eye, now I got blurry vision. But it only lasted for a little bit because when I woke up, when I. When I woke up, I didn't have pink eye anymore. Right? And so, like, my mom trusted in the Lord. I saw the times that she struggled and remained faithful. I saw the times that she was hurt and she forgave. I saw the times that she was betrayed and she still loved people like, she exemplified. I saw her delight in the things of the Lord. I saw her enjoy reading her Word. I, she. She didn't listen to all types of music. Right. She didn't watch all types of shows. When certain conversations we would be at, like, kickbacks at, like, my godmother's house or whoever, friends, whatever. And if there were certain conversations, my mom would either direct that conversation in a way that glorified the Lord, or she would walk away from certain conversations. I just saw her live it out for real. And that's part of discipleship, is that it's not just in, hey, I. We're going to church on Sunday, and that's it. But it's living it out in totality. But that song, you kept saying, you are for me. Walk us through what that meant for you. Like, why, like, why was that in the song? And what does that mean, like, him being for you?

[Yana]

Wow. I think. It was. It was just a realization.

[Megan]

Of. What the word of God really says, not what religion has made it.

[Yana]

Yeah. To.

[Megan]

Be.

[Yana]

Yeah. Like, in my.

[Megan]

Brokenness, that he was found in that. Right. And that he's saying, like, just let me love you to put you back.

[Yana]

Together. I am for you. I am for you in your weeping. I am for you in your rejoicing. I am for you in your heartbreak. I am for you when you get it right. And I'm even more for you.

[Megan]

When you message it.

[Yana]

Up. Yeah. Like.

[Megan]

Man. And just me realizing that my weakness didn't make God less.

[Yana]

Powerful. He actually became more powerful when I was honest.

[Megan]

Enough. Yeah. With myself. Yeah. With everybody else. Yeah.

[Yana]

Yeah. Hey, I don't have it all.

[Megan]

Together.

[Yana]

Yeah. I. I'm not this, you know.

[Megan]

This girl who can do it on her.

[Yana]

Own. Yeah. I.

[Megan]

Can'T. Yeah.

[Yana]

Yeah. You know, and in realizing. And I've always known it, but.

[Megan]

When you go through something, it becomes real Rockshare world. Yeah.

[Yana]

Yeah. You know how good he is.

[Megan]

How kind he is, how loving he is.

[Yana]

Yeah. And he didn't die to make us.

[Megan]

Perfect. He died to make us holy. That's good. Yeah. And realizing that in all of.

[Yana]

That, I think difficulties in our lives will do one of two things. They will either lead us to.

[Megan]

The Lord, or they will make us run from God. And when we choose to run to the Lord, he then says, okay, I'm going to take this and I'm going to replace it.

[Yana]

Yeah. With something.

[Megan]

Better.

[Yana]

Yeah. And I'm going to shape you.

[Megan]

And mold you into the likeness of my Son through this. That's what Romans 8, 28, and 29 really.

[Yana]

Mean.

[Megan]

Right?

[Yana]

Yeah. All things work together for the good of them that love him and.

[Megan]

Are called according to his purpose. But then the next verse says, to be conformed to the likeness of the.

[Yana]

Son. So some difficulties I think we bring on ourselves, and then some difficulties I think God.

[Megan]

Brings. Whether God brings it or we bring it it, or life brings it, he uses all of it to make us more like.

[Yana]

Jesus.

[Megan]

Yeah. Yeah. So in that you are for me. Yeah. God was there, and he is for me. Yeah. Okay. So from Bria, when. How do you know when you're being led by God or by your emotions? Oh, wow. I think that this is a. That's a good question. I'm trying to think of how to answer it. I think that for me, my emotions have always led me to fleshly responses. I think that you can feel what you feel. And then taking that before the Lord, like, okay, I feel this way now, Lord, you tell me what to do with these feelings. Do you know what I'm saying? Because feelings are indicators. Feelings, you feel something that's indicating. That's a. It's an indicator. Like you. I'm sure you guys have heard the example of. It's like that little check light engine that come the light that comes on your car. Well, that, that, that warning isn't. Is a indicator that something's going on with the engine or when you're low on gas. That warning is telling you you're low on gas. Right, Right. And so your feelings are, are similar to that, where you have feelings and it's, and it's showing you something that's, it's an indicator of something that's happening in your heart. Right. That question I feel like, how do you know if it's, if it's God or how do you know if it's your emotions? I feel like emotions are fleeting. They come and they go. Right. If it's something that the Lord has placed on your heart that he won't let it, just like, it's not just going to go away way. It's like, okay, this is something that I'm feeling. I'm sensing that the Lord has placed on my heart and not just I'm being emotional because your emotions come and go. They're fleeting. And so if it's something that just comes and goes, I think regardless of whatever the feelings that you have, you should always take that before the Lord. Right. But I feel like if it's a constant thing that's coming up, then it's like, okay, maybe the Lord is impressing on my heart something that I need to explore. This is where healthy discipleship and community can help. Praying and seeking answers and clarity in God's word, wise counsel. Hey, this feeling keeps coming up. Or this, this thing. I, I'm sensing this thing strongly in my heart, like, wise counsel. This is why you need community. Like, I think that's a thing to help, help kind of decipher or discern, like if this is God or if this is me, does these feelings agree with His Word? Like, can you find agreement in God's Word regarding that feeling? And so, yeah, I think that there are ways to kind of navigate and to discern whether it's you or God. I just know for me, my, my flesh, God, like almost never agrees with my flesh. So it's like he just doesn't. And so I think that seeking the Lord, seeking His Word, praying like, just pray without ceasing. If you keep feeling this thing, just keep praying and asking the Lord for clarity. The Lord isn't. What I do know is that the Lord is kind and he is not manipulative or what's the word? He's not petty. Like, he's not trying to hide something from you, you know what I'm saying? He's not trying to keep something from you that He. Like, he's not hanging a carrot over your head. You know what I'm saying? Like, he's a kind and faithful and good shepherd. And so I think presenting your. Your cares, your worries, your feelings to him, you can do that with confidence that he cares for you and that he will lead you in the right way. Right? Proverbs 3. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not into your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will direct your path. So I think it's like, know that the Lord loves you. Trust that he loves you. Right? Take everything before him and trust that he will direct your path. Like, he will give you clarity. He will give you discernment. He will give you wisdom. The Bible says that he gives wisdom generously if for those who ask. So just ask.

[Yana]

Him.

[Megan]

Him. Ask him. Keep seeking Him. Get in his word. Get some godly counsel, get some godly community, and then allow the Lord to speak to you through. Through those.

[Lena]

Means. So that's the beauty of the Gospel. It's not just cultural, it's.

[Megan]

Countercultural.

[Lena]

Yeah.

[Megan]

Yes. So give me. Okay, give me. Because this is so good to me. Give me another example of something that is that we as the church, that would be part of representing ourselves correctly to the world that we need to speak to. Like, what do we need to be countercultural to? What's something that we are. We're getting.

[Lena]

To. It's a.

[Megan]

Bunch. You said, name.

[Lena]

It. White Evangelical Christianity should have been countercultural by fighting against slavery. You say you love Spurgeon. You'd say you love.

[Megan]

Spurgeon. Spurgeon was not about that.

[Lena]

Life. Spurgeon was not about that.

[Megan]

Life. No, he.

[Lena]

Wasn'T. He was.

[Megan]

Countercultural. Yep. He wouldn't even come over here to.

[Lena]

Preach. Yeah. And they said if he came over here, they wrote letters that said they're going to kill.

[Megan]

Him.

[Lena]

Wow. That's.

[Megan]

Countercultural. Got.

[Lena]

It. Countercultural. Jonathan Edwards is called the most brilliant intellectual in the last 300 years. And he owned slaves. I mean, so he was not countercultural. When black codes came, the white church was not countercultural. They were lynching. Listen, in Missouri, they lynched a guy on the Saturday before Easter Sunday and then went back after Easter service and went and took pictures with.

[Yana]

Him. You can go.

[Lena]

Online. Springfield, Missouri. And took parts of what he had on as souvenirs for them after Sunday, after the resurrection Sunday. That's not countercultural. Like, and so what? I would talk to some of my White siblings about is, I would say, so why didn't y' all fight against racial injustice, slavery and all the things? They were just men of their times. So you mean conform to this world? You mean like a simple verse in Romans chapter two? I mean Romans chapter 12, you know, and so when we talk about that in Jim Crow and systemic racism, all the things like that, those, those are ways. And so, so that, that's. I think that there's a way to be counter cultural. There's another side, even for blacks. Now. How, how can we be countercultural? We have to be careful as black people in America of responding to the trauma of racism by acting like white Christians who are. Aren't our.

[Megan]

Siblings. Got.

[Lena]

It. To please blacks who aren't.

[Megan]

Christian. Got.

[Lena]

It. So it's so many layers to. It's just so many layers to being countercultural. You know what I'm saying? And so I think that like the other ways of being countercultural, you know, I did it for a while instead of moving to a certain location, we incarnated in a particular community for a while to live there, even though we didn't have to in order to understand, know and empathize with the issues of that community. So there's so many ways to be countercultural. But I think that the, that's what made like they were giving away their stuff in Acts, chapter 2, verse 42, 47, where they were business owners were selling portions of their property to make sure that was countercultural. And so I, I just see that we, we haven't struck the nerve of, like, people expect of us innately, things they don't expect from other.

[Megan]

Faiths.

[Lena]

Correct. I never heard somebody say, you're supposed to be a Muslim. I never heard.

[Megan]

That.

[Lena]

Yeah. You know, unless you eat some pork. But, you know, but they don't care about that. I always say, you're supposed to be a.

[Megan]

Christian.

[Lena]

Yeah. You're supposed to be a woman of God, you're supposed to be a man of. You're supposed to be a preacher. Right. Nobody said you're supposed to be an imam. You know, you're supposed to be a Dawah. Right? Right. They don't say that. And so I think that there is a general revelation expectation innately wired into all human beings to expect those connected to the true and only wise God to expect better of them. They expect counterculture. They want counter cultural. And so what is countercultural fundamentally? The question is, now we talked about enjoyment earlier. Now another part of that spiritual discipline of enjoyment is laying down your.

[Megan]

Rights. How can we be united as the church? And how important is that for us to be unified in.

[Lena]

Christ? I remember as a young believer and I know you churchy, so I know you won't be able to get this one right. We don't fight for victory, we fight from victory. So churchy. I knew you was churchy. Listen, we're not trying to be unified. We're already.

[Megan]

Unified. Got.

[Lena]

It? When you are baptized in the body of Christ, we're baptized into one body. The problem is we're not practically walking in the unity that he secured for us on the cross. That's what Ephesians 4 is about. That's what Ephesians 2 is about. That's what First Corinthians 12 is about. In other words, he's like, you're already, you're already united. The question is, is realizing that you are. And so in answering your question and framing it around that reality is, is how can we be more united? First off, we have to know, we have to distinguish what's Christianity and what's.

[Megan]

Not. Got.

[Lena]

It? Because we're not talking about uniformity, we're talking about unity. Right. And so if we don't establish that, because if you try to unite with people that don't believe the same thing, it's going to still be disjointed because we're not. If you, if you believe, you got to be baptized, coming out, speaking in tongues to be saved. And I believe in by grace alone, through faith alone, through Christ alone, that person ain't a Christian. So in other words, I think getting on the same page with one another and understanding what we stand on and what non essentials can we live.

[Megan]

Without?

[Lena]

Yeah. Like does my non essential make me view myself as a better Christian than you? Because you have to have a. When I say non essential, we're talking about anything that's not that big. We talking about the Godhead, the inerrancy of scripture, Christ dying on the cross for salvation, all the things, the resurrection, all that. But when you start saying, well, I believe Saturday is the Sabbath, it's like, eh, it's still technically the day that God set aside. But is it a requirement for.

[Megan]

Salvation?

[Lena]

Correct. Can you be a Christian and you say I celebrate the.

[Yana]

Sabbath.

[Lena]

Sabbath. But I don't believe that a person that doesn't celebrate the Sabbath on Saturday is not only not violating scripture, but I do believe they're saved. And so yeah, and so I believe that. Honestly, you believe in women, elders and pastors and you don't I'm not fighting you about that. Like, I'm too old to fight about. Y' all speak in tongues. We don't speak in tongues. I don't have time for none of that. And nowadays those are not issues for me. And so once you minimize those things without it having all the character things. And I think now we need to begin to say, how can we be on the same page about making sure that we understand that every sector of the body has its sector of an assignment that may be different than mine. And so I don't have to and I can, but it's the same mission. That's why I think on the last podcast, I talked about purpose versus assignment, because I think people view their assignment as purpose. And then when they have viewed their assignment as purpose and they don't realize that they're on an assignment, that's on a bigger purpose. If you see somebody that they may be doing God's purpose through the assignment they have, but the assignment is different. You believe they need to be doing your assignment because you believe you're in God's purpose versus an assignment that's going towards just one.

[Megan]

Purpose. And that, I promise you, it is one of the most ask questions that I.

[Lena]

Get.

[Megan]

Yeah. From people in my DMs, my Patreon community. How do I know my purpose? How do I know my.

[Lena]

Purpose? I have a whole chapter on rebranding purpose and.

[Megan]

Dreaming. I. I'm like, this was. That was such a good chapter where you talk about identity and you talked about. I literally wrote this down. Identity, significance, dignity. I think all of that is so important because we, like you said, we have now determined our assignment as our purpose. When our purpose is to love God, love our neighbor, make disciples of all nations, that is our purpose as a Christian. Your assignment may look differently, but the purpose is this. So in my assignment, am I loving God? In my assignment, am I loving people? In my assignment, am I making disciples? I'm not saying you got to be in a pulpit, but when you're working at Arby's, are you loving God? Are you loving his people? Are you making disciples? Are you sharing the like? I don't think you have to be in a pulpit to do the.

[Lena]

Purpose. When you understand purpose, you can discern so much. If you and I do not fix our gaze on eternity, if we do not have a hope that goes beyond this life, yeah, we will not have strength for the sufferings we endure in this life. The scriptures point us to having a hope that goes beyond this life. And if the believers who are watching right now, Megan, gets a hold of the teachings of Paul and the teachings of Christ and develop in their heart a hope that goes beyond the clouds, they will have greater fortitude. You hear the word fortitude. To endure the sufferings of this life, we will go through immense pain and look at the sky and say, lord, I know a day is coming when everything I'm going through right now will give way to both joys, endless rewards. Endless. And me being able to see your face and being able to take the crown that you have bestowed upon me and lay it at your feet, and I will find rest for my labors. If that's not a part of our theology in the west, we will only see our sufferings now. And we will attach that scripture to say, man, God must deliver me from everything right now. And if I hope terminates in this life, it's going to rob the heart of the type of fortitude it's supposed to have. I actually think the devil will be hard pressed. What is he really going to.

[Megan]

Do? Yeah, let's.

[Lena]

Yeah. What is he really going to manufacture for the believer whose heart is anchored in eternity? Yes, you can lose spouse, child, business, platform, health. And if you have a hope that goes beyond this life, you can endure almost anything if you have a hope that goes beyond this life. And I think the Lord wanted us to be wired that way so that the trials of this life does not sink us when we go through. This is why Paul said we should set our affections that are above. Yeah, but that is not preached in our.

[Megan]

Culture.

[Lena]

Right. So all of our affections, Megan, are attached to the temporary things of this life. And if they shift, God forbid, some of us can't.

[Megan]

Survive.

[Lena]

Yeah. If you lose your job, you lose your title, you lose a relative, you lose a platform. If something shifts, we can't.

[Yana]

Survive.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Lena]

Yeah. And so we have to have a hope that goes beyond this.

[Megan]

Life. I often think about, and I've shared this story before. I don't know if I've ever shared it with you, but I remember my mom telling me that when I was young, when I was a baby, she was a single parent. She was so scared, all the things. And she said she used to obsess over, like, if I was okay. So she would like run in my room, in my crib and look like, watch me sleep. She would barely get any sleep. And she said, the Lord at one point in time said, I need you to imagine Megan in a casket. In your mind, imagine she's taken from you, will you still serve me? And I think. And I take that, and I. And I think about how. How Stephen in the Book of Acts, how he's being persecuted, literally being stoned, but his eyes were fixed on. He saw the King of glory and is standing like, this is the only time in Scripture where we see Jesus standing at the right hand of the Father. But he had his gaze fixed on him. And Scripture says he had a face like an angel, like he was, but his gaze was fixed. And he's even so much so fixed on him that as he's being stoned, he's praying for those who are stoning him and persecuting him. And so I think about how like. Like the Lord had to give my mom a certain vivid image to say, like, basically, will you fix your eyes on me? Even if you lose the most precious thing that you have, will you keep your eyes on.

[Lena]

Me? And I think what's powerful about what the Lord did for your mom, and I think the Lord has tried to do this for all of us, is give us glimpses of the end. So if we. If we read all the way to the end, and I encourage people read the book of Revelation or listen to it, there is a blessing on it. He's already shown us the end, right? So he's already given us a glimpse into life beyond right now, both so that we can have confidence in where we're going and what we're going to inhabit, but both so we can understand that this is not the end. All which gives us a type of inner fortitude that maybe the unbeliever may not have to navigate the trials of his life. Read the New Testament carefully. The driving goal is that we, We. We come out of this life with our robes washed in the blood of the Lamb, with our character looking more like the person who saved us. This is why Paul said him. We proclaim warning, teaching with all wisdom that in the end we may present everyone mature before Christ. The end goal is that when our preaching is over and when our labors are over, those who have been under our ministry will look like their Savior. And then we can lay them at his feet and present them. Look, Lord, they look more like you mature before Christ. Now watch. There is no maturation without suffering. Pause. We in the west, right? There is no maturation without suffering does not exist. There is no maturation without pain, without hardship, without trials. It does not exist. And if we would embrace that in our.

[Yana]

Country.

[Lena]

Watch. We will not only thank God for the things that we consider.

[Megan]

Blessings. Yeah, that.

[Lena]

Part. Car, house, job, money, wife, husband. We will get to the place of maturity where we look over our shoulder and be like, Lord. Thank.

[Megan]

You. Yes.

[Yana]

Yes. This.

[Lena]

Is. No, this is serious. Thank you for what you allowed me to go through in that season or what you're doing in me right now. Because you have formed something in me that would not have been formed had I not gone through that. Listen to me carefully. Man. Man, listen to me. The majority of us who are strong and have grown in character, we cannot separate our suffering from what has happened in our character. Probably more than anything, most of our trials, our pain and our hardship have probably done more to perfect our character than our.

[Yana]

Mountaintops.

[Lena]

Yes. You understand what I'm saying to you? Listen to me carefully right now. My ministry is a mountaintop. Any metric that can be measured. I already said is exploding in 2019. Right. Right. That has not brought me. Right. Complete satisfaction in my soul. None of it. You know what brings me the most satisfaction in my soul? Intimacy with Christ and my prayer closet. Right. And. And watch. And the character it takes to sustain a ministry at this level and the influence at this level. You know, it takes a certain kind of character to sustain this and not be corrupted by.

[Megan]

It.

[Lena]

Correct. Where do you think that character came from? It came from the 12 years of pain when nobody knew my.

[Yana]

Name.

[Lena]

Yep. 12 years of hardship, 12 years of betrayals, 12 years of loss, 12 years of difficulty, 12 years of relational difficulty, 12 years of poverty, 12 years of grinding, 12 years of strife, 12 years of trials, 12 years of immense pain and suffering for Lena and I in obscurity. So before somebody tried to come for me for where I am or come for my wife for who I am. Let me walk you through the resume of the 12 years of scars. You want my platform, but you don't want my suffering. They want in totality, but they don't want the suffering of Megan Ashley. Man, let's stop all this foolishness. Right. So this is why people should not be jealous of people's platforms. You don't know what they had to pay the. You don't know the price they paid to sit on that couch or stand on that. We don't know that price. Like you, we. I feel heat right now. I'm.

[Megan]

Sorry. No, by all.

[Lena]

Means. We need people to get delivered from covetousness, which the Bible says is at the end of idolatry. We be coveting people's platform, but you don't want what they had. You don't want what they had. To go through, to get there. Some people would not survive what people had to.

[Megan]

Survive.

[Lena]

Hello. To be where they are right now. All you do is throw stones at people on mountaintops. All you do is critique, throw stones, trash, and make endless YouTube videos about people on mountaintops which you have not seen what God walked them through to put them there. You understand what I'm saying? Like, there is no anointing without a price paid. Let's get this real right and strong. Men and women are not made on mountaintops. They are made in the secret.

[Megan]

Place. Matthew was written in a way where it brings. Brings life and. And visibility to those who are on the spectrum. And Matthew is such an interesting character and fun character. I think he brings such a. Just. Yeah. Brings such life to the chosen in so many different ways. And you laugh at Matthew and times and then. And then he. And then he does things where your heart is just completely like. Like broken for him and sat. Like the. How he. How you guys dealt with him and his family. I think. I think the way that you dealt with him as a tax collector and gave the cultural implications of that was just fantastic. It brings so much knowledge to what they actually like. Because for Matthew, that was it. I mean, this is a big thing for a tax collector, you know, to be a follower of Christ and what he had to endure with Peter and. And the other Jewish disciple, like, that was a big thing. So I love that you guys did that, but talk to me about giving him autistic characteristics and making his character that.

[Yana]

Way. Yeah. I think if we were gonna have a Mount Rushmore, of the decisions we've made that have had the most resonance or impact, Matthew's character is there for sure. When we first sat down, my co writers and me, to plot out the show, we. You put up sheets on the wall and you start writing things out, plot lines, and we're looking at scripture for the stories that we think are resonant. And then we start doing what's called a character profile as you go. Okay. We're going to make Matthew one of our main characters. Why? Well, think of how interesting it is that he was a tax collector and tax collectors were.

[Megan]

Hated. I mean, Jesus even talked about.

[Yana]

Tax collectors, put them in the same category as prostitutes and other sinners. Right. And so we knew they were hated, and yet. So that would have been interesting to have a tax collector join this group of this brotherhood. Right. We also know that when Jesus walked past his booth, he said, follow me, and he just dropped everything and did.

[Megan]

It.

[Yana]

Yeah. Let's explore.

[Megan]

That.

[Yana]

Yeah. And so we're writing out all of his characteristics. And that's what you do with when you're writing a book or writing a show or whatever. You want to understand your character and start writing. He's okay, he's a numbers guy. He's. Because he's a tax collector. All right. He's a facts guy. Like, his opening chapter is a genealogy divided into three sections of 14 names apiece. He's very precise. He chose a profession that made him a social outcast. And I'm going like, I got.

[Megan]

Some experience in this.

[Yana]

World. I'm a little Asperger's ey myself. I got a touch of the tism myself and then our daughter, of course. And we've done a lot of work in the special needs community. We're just very, very familiar with it. And I'm like, I, I, I know this, like, this is starting to like, it's. The light bulb went off. Yeah. I was just like, that's interesting. And I thought, what if we gave him that, you know, again, back then there weren't diagnoses. But I'm like, what if we just looked at him through that lens and, and have him on, on the spectrum. And I remember immediately realizing how that's going to speak to families with special needs, people with special needs themselves. And we've, and we just skipping ahead for just one second, we have seen people all over the world who, some of whom are non verbal and who don't watch television. But the chosen, they literally get focused in on and it's God's just doing something transcendent. And they all love.

[Megan]

Matthew.

[Yana]

Yeah. And how many times we've heard people say, like a kid say to his, his parent or her parent, oh, Matthew's like, me, like, God can call me too. If he can call Matthew, you can call me. So we just knew that it would speak to a lot of people. People. But also I thought this is one of our key ways into the humanity of this.

[Megan]

Story.

[Yana]

Yeah. How many times have you seen a Bible project that just didn't feel.

[Megan]

Human?

[Yana]

Yeah. Like, yeah, we always see these people as stained glass windows or statues. And then you watch a movie or a miniseries and they still feel like stained glass.

[Megan]

Windows.

[Yana]

Yeah. They're like formal. Everything's presented, everything's like in the King James. Yeah. It's like, yeah. And it's oftentimes like white people, people who like Europeans, you know, portraying like Jewish people or minorities. And, and you're like, what is.

[Megan]

This?

[Yana]

Yes. There's a. There's a very. There's a huge gap between reality and. And it's like. And I'm someone who loves the Bible and I love Jesus, and I'm like, I don't know that I love any of the.

[Megan]

Portrayals. Right.

[Yana]

Yeah. But we thought this. The humanity of this show is. Is essential. And we wrote in big words on the wall, authentic. Like that needs to apply to every decision we make. It needs to be authentic. Tick. And having someone who's on the.

[Megan]

You know, it would.

[Yana]

Be. It would make sense that, yeah, autism has existed.

[Megan]

Forever.

[Yana]

Forever. We just haven't had a diagnosis for.

[Megan]

It.

[Yana]

Yeah. And we thought that that would be something that could be. Really could speak to a lot of people, but also isn't.

[Megan]

Unrealistic. Yeah. Sanctification is what we have. The. The ongoing process that we live in on this earth. Right. So we're going to walk through sanctification. And here's the thing. The reason why I'm walking through this is because I realize that a part of my frustration is that I don't want to go through the process of sanctification. I don't want to go through the pace at which I am being sanctified by the Spirit, and I don't want to go through the pain of sanctification. I am irritated with the sanctification. And. And it's really because I know that when the Lord comes back, he is going to immediately give us these glorified bodies. Like he can do it right now. And I think sometimes with that tension, it's like, I know you can do it right now, but you're not doing it right now. You can give us glorified bodies, like you can just make us sinless. He has the power to do that, but he's not going to do that until the day of the Lord. And so now we have to live with a sanctification. And I think we have to remind ourselves why sanctification is important. We have to remind ourselves what. What happens in the life of a believer through sanctification. Right. Sanctification, the ongoing process of being made holy, being made holy, transformed in the likeness of Christ by the work of the Holy Spirit. Now we're going to talk through all the things of sanctification. And, and I'm not saying that I'm going to. I am the. A theologian, and I'm going to give you every thing that the Scriptures say sanctification is, every commentary. I'm not going to do that, but I want to give us enough Context that we can wrestle with this maybe, and again, maybe even give you language to some of the things that you've been feeling. Feeling. Right. Okay. For me, personally, I have been struggling with the, the process, the pace and the pain of sanctification. For me, I just want to get to the finish line, right? I just want. I just want to be done with. With growing, right? I just. I want to be perfected. And I. And I believe that there are scriptures that talk about how. How all of creation groans, right? As we're waiting for the day of the Lord, as we're waiting to be united with Him. Com. Like finally, in totality, all the things. And so we know that this process, there are frustrations that come along with this.

[Yana]

Process.

[Megan]

Right? Okay. So sanctification is a cooperative process, right? So we have to participate in sanctification, yet we are not the ones that sanctify us. It is the work of the Holy Spirit. Okay? We participate, but even our participation is powered by the Spirit. So let's walk through some scripture. Let's go to Second Corinthians. I'm going to treat this episode like we're on Patreon, right? And if you guys know my Patreon community, we just, like, I tell them all the time, I'm like, get your passports ready. We're traveling, right? We're going through scripture. We're going through scripture. We're not going to be traveling to. To Old Testament. We're going to stick into the letters of Paul, but we are going to be going through Scripture. So 2nd Corinthians 3:18. I want to read this. We. We all with unveiled faces are looking as in a mirror at glory of the Lord and are being transformed into the same image. From glory to glory. This is from the Lord who. Who is the Spirit. Now, two things that I want to point out is that we with unveiled faces are looking as in a mirror. What is the mirror? The word of God. Right? So as we look into this Word, we're looking into a mirror. So this. So this word reveals things about ourselves. It shows us. Us, right? And then the other thing I want you to be. Be mindful of, of hearing is and are being transformed. Not and are transformed, but and are being transformed. So we are in a constant state of being transformed. And because we are being transformed, we are not the ones doing the transformation. It is the work of the Holy Spirit that is transforming us. So, yes, you are saved by grace through faith. However, that it. It. It doesn't stop there. You are consistently being saved Shalom.

[Yana]

Is the biblical idea of wholeness and thriving. When someone sins against us, they disrupt our sense of shalom. They disrupt our wholeness, our well being, our sense of security, our sense of safety, those kinds of things. And in our attempt to get our shalom back, we can either become shalom avoidant or we can become shalom demanding. Another way to put that is that we can either go into a flight response where we try to protect ourselves from the pain, or we can go into a fight response, which is shalom demanding. And we're like, yo, you got. You gonna pay me what you owe me. And not only you gonna pay me what you owe me, but I'm gonna get my lick back. Right? Right, I'm gonna get my lick back. Cause I want your shalom to be as disrupted as you disrupted mine. And so we retaliate against them. And so I think that, that shalom avoidance is when we are sort of in this, this desire to protect our peace. You know, good vibes only get ridding, you know, getting, getting rid of toxic people in our life. And if we're honest, sometimes those people aren't toxic. They're just human. They're just weak. They just get on our nerves. They just annoy us. It's not necessarily that they're toxic, meaning they're not abusive, they're not manipulative, they don't actually lie. They just get on our.

[Megan]

Nerves.

[Yana]

Yeah. And.

[Megan]

So.

[Yana]

Really? And so, so and so. But we're in that we're trying to protect our shalom versus trying to make shalom. And that's what we're called to do. We're not called to protect our peace. That's not a command we see in scripture. That's good. We, we are called to make peace. And biblical peace isn't the absence of conflict, it's the harmony of shalom. That's Dr. Timmacki's definition. And so how do we not allow sort of our defense mechanism to become that? We just recoil from things that.

[Megan]

Are hard and that are.

[Yana]

Difficult. And we kind of raise what my sis, Kobe Campbell talks about our distress tolerance so that we can move towards those people to repair the ruptures that naturally occur in our relationship. And so I think in the book, I think I have you, I ask the question of like, you know, are you more shalom avoidant? Are you more shalom demanding? But then also another qualifier in that, are there certain scenarios and relationships where you find yourself being more shalom avoid or more shalom demanding? Because I think we.

[Megan]

Both. We all have the capacity to.

[Yana]

Do. To do both. But how do we have enough sort of self awareness to know when we tend to do one more more over the.

[Megan]

Other? What would you say to the person who is in either category? So say I have more of a tendency to be more shalom avoidant. How do you speak and disciple that person? And then for the person who's more shalom demanding, how do you speak and disciple that.

[Yana]

Person? Yeah, I think for the person who's shalom demanding, I would probably walk them through Psalm 37. I'll walk them through Romans where it says to be kind and tender hearted. And then also where it says like vengeance is mine, said the Lord. So it's like, hey, like that's not the justice part. Part isn't, isn't your business. That's the Lord's business. Your, your part is the forgiveness part. Can you trust God? Yeah. To take care of you. Can you trust God to cause your righteousness and your, your justice to shine. Shine like the noonday sun? Because I appreciate how you said that in some cases our. Well, in a lot of cases when it comes to the command of Jesus, it's a matter of trust. And I think forgiveness is one of those too. Can you trust God to take, take care of it? And then for the person who's more shalom avoidant. And that's, that's definitely me. I don't like conflict, but some of the things I often have to say to myself is 1, I rehearse Ephesians 1, 9 and 10 a lot where it says, this is the mystery of the Lord's will to unite all things in the heavens and the earth in Christ? And so then I'm asking the question, how can I live as a shalom maker in the world by pursuing my brother or sister who has sinned against me so that I can be eager to maintain the unity of the peace. And so that's me just immediately trying to grab hold of like the gospel and what God is doing in the world to motivate me and to help me to take the steps that, that I need to make. And then also what helps me is remembering. And this is probably something that just resonates with me because of the whole nursing and caring for people. People, but recognizing that when someone sins against me, they also sin against God. That part. Yeah. And so I'm not necessarily going to them to get, get stuff off my.

[Megan]

Chest.

[Yana]

Yeah. I'm going to them so that we can have a conversation of what's.

[Megan]

Going on in their heart.

[Yana]

Right. That caused them to move in this direction. Yes. We're going to talk about the pain and. And the anger that I feel about that. But really my goal in that is to see the. See them not just reconcile back to me, but to be reconciled to God. And so I'm often saying to myself, like Yana, you have to make God's goals your goals. And God's goals is for your brother or sister to be restored and to be whole in Christ. And so how can you partner with God to make shalom versus trying to avoid something that's difficult in.

[Lena]

Life? We can listen to one of four voices. You can listen to the voice of others. And if you do that, you're always banned to what people want to see out of you. You will live for the affirmation of the people around you. You can listen to your own voice. And your own voice is fleeting because we have a tendency to lean towards our emotions instead of the plan of God. You can listen to the voice of the enemy. And the voice of the enemy will never lead you into truth, because it can't. So we'll always skew who you are. It will always make you skew your perspective of who you are. But then you can listen to the voice of God. The voice of God will always lead you closer to his presence, will always lead you to become more like him. It would always lead you to make greater sacrifice than what your flesh wants to make. And oftentimes we want to listen to ourself or we want to listen to others because we can see, we can feel those people. We can touch. And we think in our mind. They hold instant.

[Yana]

Fruit.

[Lena]

Fruit. But so often we make people idols. We make their opinion idols. And we start making decisions based off of what other people want to see. If I'm not careful, that breaks my focus for sure. And the danger in that is when I'm not anchored in the voice of God, distractions begin to look like opportunities. And so it doesn't mean that it's a bad.

[Megan]

Thing.

[Lena]

Yeah. It's just not God. God's thing for me in this particular season in life. And so I have to constantly hear the voice of God, the word of God. Spend time hearing the. The word of God so that it can build my.

[Megan]

Faith.

[Lena]

Yeah. And really starve that doubt in.

[Megan]

Me. Yeah. And because I think that when it comes to. And I've talked about this before, but when it comes to the enemy, he's not necessarily. I mean, he's lying because he's not telling you the whole.

[Lena]

Truth.

[Megan]

Right. But everything that he says to us is, isn't always a.

[Lena]

Lie.

[Megan]

Right. In the. Like some. Because he's an accuser of the brother. Right. The things he's accusing you of, in fact are like things he be accusing me. Absolutely are in fact.

[Lena]

True.

[Megan]

100. But if I don't abide, if I don't lean into the word and know truth, then I can't, I can't speak against like I, I'll just consume the facts of whatever the enemy is telling me.

[Lena]

Right?

[Megan]

Yeah. And then I just meditate on those things. And instead of doing what Christ did is that when Satan tried to tempt him with something, he spoke the.

[Lena]

Word.

[Megan]

Absolutely. Like, and like. And he. Because he knew the word. He was the word. Right. So he spoke the word. And I think that that is an easy temptation. Like, and I know we talk about it all the time, like, oh, read your word, read your word. But I don't think we. Like that's a real.

[Lena]

Thing.

[Megan]

Absolutely. Because those voices are so loud all the time. All the time. Especially if you're a person like me who's like extremely sensitive and. Yeah, just sensitive to everything. That voice can be so loud where it can overwhelm me. Do you know what I'm saying? If I'm not constantly filling myself up with the truth of God's word. You know what I.

[Lena]

Mean? And so often, you know, one of the things that I discovered in walking this bumpy road is the enemy will always call you by the things you feel most self conscious.

[Megan]

About.

[Lena]

Sheesh. From your past, but he knows your name. God knows the things of your past, but he always calls you by your name. And so I can always tell who's speaking to me based upon how they address me. And one of the things that I think for our viewers and our listeners to know own each one of us. I have both a king and a fool on the inside of me. You have both a queen and a fool on the inside of you. The one that is addressed is the one that will respond. So I have to be very careful not to lean into that and to cast that thought down, to cast that voice down, to cast that idea down so that I'm not responding as to how the enemy is addressing.

[Megan]

Me. Yeah, we can look at the Lord and how he's moving in our life and how he's moving in other people's life. And we can see our situation and think that our situation is more urgent than something else. And we can be like God Why are you not responding to me when my situation feels more dire? But you're responding to them when their situation doesn't seem as dire. But we have to remember who he is. And that's what I love about being on this side, right. Of Scripture, is that we, we know who he is and we know that, that Jesus has power over death, hell in the grave, right? Like he has resurrection power. And so it is. No, it is not harder for Jesus to raise the dead than it is to heal your broken heart, to, to get you a new home, to get your children saved, to, to mend a relationship, to get you married, if that's his will. Like, nothing is hard for him. Nothing is impossible for.

[Yana]

Him.

[Megan]

Him. It's just a matter of his will being done. Because at the end of the day, Jesus is always after his glory. He's after his glory, period. And though your situation may feel urgent to you, the. The Lord is after his glory. And we don't see the full picture. Gyrus didn't see the full picture. We have it now because we have scripture, but Gyrus didn't have it in that moment. Moment. I'm sure he's sitting there like, listen, she can wait. My daughter's dying. And then as this lady is telling her whole story, because remember, scripture says she tells Jesus the whole truth, so she's giving her whole story. Here comes the people coming up to Jairus saying, hey, it's too late. Your daughter has died. Don't even bother bringing Jesus to the.

[Lena]

House.

[Megan]

House. She's dead. I don't know what the look on Gyrus's face, but I do know that Jesus turns and looks at him and says, do not fear, just have faith. And I love how Tim Keller talks about this in one of his sermons, but he says that Jesus in that moment, he was like, I can imagine Jesus in that moment is looking at Gyrus, but also looking at us and saying, do not fear, just have faith. Faith this. I am the same God that stopped the raging sea. I am the same one who cast out demons. I am the same one who healed the blind. I am the same one who healed this woman of a 12 year ailment. And I am the same one that can raise this girl from the dead. That is the God that we serve. And so as I am looking at this story, as I'm reading through chapter five 21, all the way through 43, I am couraged that God loves me, that he's not just looking to do one thing, but he's looking to make me whole. He's looking to touch my life in totality. He's looking to restore me in totality. He's looking to, to give me love and comfort and peace and dignity. And he's looking to make sure that I, I know what my identity. Identity is. And it is as his daughter. I'm encouraged by that. I'm encouraged that, that I can sit and, and, and, and be patient with the pace and the time of, of God's timing. I can, I can, I can have faith knowing that God's timing is not my timing, but his timing is always good and it's always perfect and that there are no delays in Him. Him. And that everything that he does, he does to bring him glory, he does to bring Himself glory. And that although I might have to be patient, although it, that even my patience can feel like a suffering, I have to remember who it is that I'm waiting on. It's like, do I really have hope in God? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I have faith. I.

[Yana]

Believe.

[Megan]

Yeah. Like, I believe that God sent his only son to die on the cross. He lived a sinless life, born of a virgin, lived a sinless life, died on the cross, was buried, rose from the dead, and he's coming back 100%. Have faith in that. Yeah. But when you start asking me about my hope, when you, when you start asking me, do I hope? Like, do I hope in God, do I have a. Because when you and I, I. The only thing that I can like, really point this to is the struggle that I've had with my mental health and my son having two incurable diagnosis. And it's like when you're faced with that, do you still have hope that he can do what seems impossible, impossible? And can you still hope in him when he tells you? No.

[Yana]

Exactly. Because it's not.

[Megan]

Guaranteed. Because it's not guaranteed. But I think what you said is key. It's having this accurate knowledge that again, whether God heals Caleb tomorrow, next week, I have got to white knuckle the fact that there is going to come a day where he's going to wipe away every. Every tear. There will be no more autism. There will be no more fragile X. There will be no more enduring. There will be no more suffering. There will be no more.

[Yana]

Hope.

[Megan]

Yep. I won't even have to.

[Yana]

Hope. There will be no.

[Megan]

Need. There'll be no need for.

[Yana]

It. It will be.

[Megan]

Complete. Everything will be complete and perfect. And I think, I think for the Christian right, that is the thing that we have to constantly. Like, my hope is in that. That. Yeah, not so much that I believe that you'll do it tomorrow, but even if you don't do it tomorrow, that you will do it one.

[Yana]

Day. You will say it is finished.

[Megan]

It. You.

[Yana]

Will. You will say it.

[Megan]

Again. And I think that's the hope that we have to constantly put in the forefront of our minds. Is that is what my hope is in. And I think sometimes that can be hard because it's like, yeah, I. I unders. I might have an understanding of that, but I live. Live here in the here and now. And here hurts.

[Yana]

Yes. And I will say I have.

[Megan]

For the last, like, year and a.

[Yana]

Half, been going through a crazy health.

[Megan]

Battle. Like, absolutely insane. It is the thing I have.

[Yana]

Prayed to God to free me from. And it doesn't ever seem like it's going to.

[Megan]

Happen. And I realize I have a lot of hope for people, not a lot for now when it comes to.

[Yana]

Me. Same. That's when I have to wonder. I'm like, is this hope real? Like, you know. And I think the Lord allowed me to go through the trenches of that health battle and still in the.

[Megan]

Middle of it all to show me that help my hope can't be dependent on my.

[Yana]

Health. My health may fail me. David even says, my health may fail me, but you are the strength of my life, like, help me, Lord, to.

[Megan]

Believe. Believe that my hope is not dependent on my circumstance. And this is why I think.

[Yana]

It'S so important to tell people everything may not be okay, but you will.

[Megan]

Be. You will.

[Yana]

Be. You will.

[Megan]

Be. Yeah. Because I can't guarantee that I.

[Yana]

Will be healed here and.

[Megan]

Now.

[Yana]

Yeah. I can't guarantee that in this lifetime I will see healing in the way that my brain perceives it to be. But I know that my soul is being healed, and I know that my soul is.

[Megan]

Whole. Yeah. And.

[Yana]

That'S.

[Megan]

That's. It's a hard thing to grapple, especially when it comes to health, when it comes to things like autism, when.

[Yana]

It comes to all of these different factors that feel like they affect you.

[Megan]

Deeply and they affect everyone around.

[Yana]

You. And it can be so weighing on your mental.

[Megan]

Health. On top of that, I have.

[Yana]

To choose to believe, even when I.

[Megan]

Don'T see it, that it is still possible for God to do it. That's my hope, is that it's.

[Yana]

Possible. Even if he doesn't do it, it's possible. I feel like it's easy to be deceived about your own Heart and where you are in.

[Megan]

Sanctification.

[Yana]

Yeah. When you have personalities and giftings that look like the.

[Megan]

Spirit.

[Yana]

Yikey. You know what I'm saying? So as a, as a person who is hospitable, who is servant hearted, how have you worked through the Lord even showing you like how. Tim, Tim Keller. We often keep saying this, how Tim Keller said, like real Christians don't just repent of bad stuff. They repent for the reasons why they did good things. How have you worked.

[Megan]

Through? I have lived. I have lived that because I can be nice and not kind. I can be. I can be giving and not selfless because again, because the Lord has graced me particularly to be hospitable. He has gifted me particularly to be hospitable. Because the gift comes without repentance. That means that I can do the gift apart from the Spirit. So I can do this independent of the Spirit. Even though it was God who gave me the gift. I can do this thing because it comes without repentance. I can do this thing apart from the Spirit. Right? Every good and perfect gift comes from, from above, from the Father of Right. So you can have a gift to sing doesn't mean you're a Christian, because God is the one who gave you that gift, Right? So I can have a hospitable gift and be hospitable apart from the Spirit. And so anything that I do independent of the Spirit is coming from a wrong motive. It's coming from sin, a selfish place. And because your heart is deceitful and will lie to you, you will think a good thing is good. But is the good thing holy? Is the good that I'm doing holy? Or is it just good? Is God looking for. For good people or is he looking for holy people? Because the, because Christ said, many will say, lord, Lord, didn't we speak in your name? Didn't we cast demons out? Didn't we do all these things? Those are good things. And he responds and says, depart from me, you worker of iniquity. I never knew you. And they did, did good things. So don't confuse your good stuff with God's stuff. Anything. I know for me. And, and again we talked about this. I'm. I'm really good at serving. And I did it for a long time and I did it with selfishness. It was about how it brought glory to me, about how it fulfilled a void in me, not about this good that I do for the glory of God. I'm serving you because serving you brings him glory. I'm kind to you, even when you're not kind to me because it brings him glory. I turned the other cheek, and I keep turning the other cheek and I forgive seven times seven. And I keep forgiving because it brings him glory. Do you understand what I'm saying? Like, we have to be. We have to have a heart posture that is after glory. And anytime that that is, that is because the Bible says where there is selfish ambition, there is every vile practice. We have to be vigilant at killing the selfish ambitions in us, even when we think those selfish ambitions are good things. Right? Well, I'm going to post a scripture. I'm going to post me doing my devotional. Did you post that for.

[Yana]

You.

[Megan]

Or did you do that for the Lord? Did you do it to lift him up so that he would draw people to himself, or did you do it so that you would look away? What. What's the real motive? And this is why you have to guard your heart with all vigilance. Like, you got to interrogate this thing because you will think that good things are God's things and they're not. For me, I have to fight the pride in the. Well, I gotta do it because. And the Lord is like, first of all, I don't need.

[Yana]

You.

[Megan]

Huh? Let's get that straight. I don't need you. You need to also delight in.

[Yana]

Obedience. Yes, That hit me. Delight in obedience is.

[Megan]

Crazy. But you. You know what I'm.

[Yana]

Saying? I think you see, that was the Holy Spirit. When we talk about. That was the Holy Spirit. Do you know what you just said? How about you Delight in obedience. That was crazy.

[Megan]

Work. But do you know, wow. But I. That's how I feel. I feel like the Lord is like, no, you need to delight in being obedient to what I've called you.

[Yana]

To.

[Megan]

Yes. So. Because I don't need you to do it. But the fact that I have, that I've. I want you to participate in the work that I'm doing in Earth. You need to delight in.

[Yana]

That. This, which is different than running it, controlling.

[Megan]

It. It's not ownership, it's.

[Yana]

Stewardship. We cussing ourselves out right.

[Megan]

Now. You know what I'm saying? That's the thing. It's like, no, you don't own nothing. You are a steward over this. And I want you to delight in the obedience. You know what I'm saying? You like, I'm over here doing this Bible study. I'm like, it's like, no, no, no, no, no. Wrong. And let me be clear. The work that I am calling you to Is also for you, because.

[Yana]

You ain't doing me no.

[Megan]

Favors. This word that you're studying that you think is for them is also for.

[Yana]

You.

[Megan]

Yes. Do you know what I'm saying? And so we, like, I think we have to take, Take a pause. Take a.

[Yana]

Pause.

[Megan]

Yeah. You're not on a, you're not trying to outrun someone else. Stop looking at everybody else's race and run your.

[Yana]

Race. Come on, Come on.

[Megan]

Paul. And, and, and down. And when you don't feel the moment that you're not delighting in the things of the Lord in all the ways, like I said, I wasn't delighting in going to church. I'm not delighting in relationships. I'm not delighting in my work. As far as I'm not delighting in the podcast. I'm not delighting in, in the village, in the Bible. I wasn't delighting in any of it. And I had to pause and be like, okay, Lord, instead of, you know, murmuring about it and complaining about it, let me confess it and ask for help.

[Yana]

Help. Come on, help me, Come on.

[Megan]

Help me delight in this amazing work that you are doing in and through me. Help me delight in this. Because at the end of the day, it is a privilege to steward what you have given me. You get to, I get to do.

[Yana]

It. You get to do it.

[Megan]

Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? And that's hard for me because I, you know, I'm such a, you know, worker, be servant, I gotta do and whatever. And the Lord is like, nah, like, like I've called you to this, but I've, I, I, I, I want you to delight in, in being obedient to what I've called you. To delight in.

[Yana]

It.

[Megan]

Yes. Because it is an honor. It is a privilege that we get to participate in the work that the Lord is doing in the earth. What an.

[Yana]

Honor. It is.

[Megan]

Honor. Do you know what I'm.

[Yana]

Saying? And it's like, you just punched me with that. You just punched me with that. That's not what I came here for, man. We supposed you say.

[Megan]

Listen.

[Yana]

What? Nah, I'm so stuck on delight and.

[Megan]

Obedience. For real, though, you should be working to be like.

[Yana]

Him.

[Megan]

Yes. The one who was on the cross and prayed for those who were actively persecuting and killing.

[Yana]

Him. Come.

[Megan]

On. Prayed for them when he was reviled. He didn't revile against them like he did. He did not do to others what others did to.

[Lena]

Him.

[Megan]

Yep. He loved them in spite of how they treated him, he prayed for them. He like, do you know what I mean? We gotta constantly be living with this gospel as the filter through what we think, through what we see, through how we wanna respond, through what we're listening to, everything. Okay, I'm gonna take that feeling. I'm gonna filter that through the gospel. Before I.

[Yana]

Respond.

[Megan]

Yes. Before I react. I'm gonna filter this thing through the gospel. What would the God, after thinking of the cross, what then is my.

[Yana]

Response. Yes. Come on, come.

[Megan]

On. We gotta think, we gotta be gospel, gospel minded, Christ minded.

[Yana]

Believers. Yes.

[Megan]

Yes. And not.

[Yana]

Sometimes. All the.

[Megan]

Time. All the time. And not that you're gonna be perfect. But I'm saying you're, you're quickly to course.

[Yana]

Correct. For sure. Like what we were talking about earlier, it's that you have, you have the experience. Paul, Paul had that experience. Remember last time, Romans 7, Paul had that experience. Paul is wrestling with his flesh and he's like, man, the things that I know I should do, I can't.

[Megan]

Do every time I want to do. Right. Evil is present, you know what I'm.

[Yana]

Saying? And so evil's always going to be present. But again, yo, it's the, it's the moment that, that and thank God for, for, for those moments that, that the evil was present because is then it convicts us and it leads us to hopefully.

[Megan]

Repentance. Yeah.

[Yana]

Yeah. So that we can continue to be conformed to the image of Christ. You know what I'm saying? But that's exactly what it is. Like yo, in our life we have. Who knows how long we're going to live because you know, the, the lifespan is growing greater and greater. Baby, I'm almost 40, looking like I'm 18. Okay. So I might just be 109 and I'mma spend 109 years being conform to his image. You know what I'm saying? Like I just. There is so much more wickedness in me that the Lord has yet to reveal. But the, but the question is, are you submitted and surrendered enough so that when that wickedness rises up he can convict you and you can receive the discipline and that you can then repent and actually turn from your ways and then help in your shepherding bring other women into that.

[Megan]

Enlightenment?

[Yana]

Yeah. You know what I'm.

[Megan]

Saying?

[Yana]

Yeah. So it's like what? Like are we doing it or not? Like, are we Christians or are we not? Are you asking them bracelets y' all be wearing? What would Jesus do? What would Jesus.

[Megan]

Do? You really need to go, we need to bring Those like, bring it back, bring it back. Wwjd bring it back. Because that was like a movement for a minute. Like, we need to bring it back for real. What would he do? But truly, the.

[Yana]

Hope. But the purpose is that you would actually ask yourself that. Yeah, it's meant to actually be a reminder that when you are in an experience, you, you would say, what would Jesus.

[Megan]

Do? And, and, and again. And you know, I love the braces. I think it's fine. But we need to work on branding it in our hearts. Come on, let me brand like the, the. When the scripture says this word that I have hidden in my heart so I don't sin against you. Come on, let me take this word and brand it in my heart so that when I'm going through things that might offend me, things that might hurt my feelings up my triggers and my traumas, I am going to filter that through the lens of Christ. What would Christ do? How would he.

[Yana]

Respond?

[Megan]

What. And ask yourself, okay, in this moment, what would bring him honor? O what would bring him glory? Not what would make me feel better, not what would vindicate me, but what would bring him glory? What would bring him honor? And if you're, and if you're asking yourself those questions, then I'm telling you it's going to re. Redirect. Recourse you back to doing what a Christian is supposed to.

[Yana]

Do.

[Megan]

Yes. And everything that we do, we need to be asking ourselves, does this bring him.

[Yana]

On? Does it bring.

[Megan]

Him. Does him bring it? Does it shepherd more people closer to.

[Yana]

Him? Or is it making people go away from him? Because again, your greatest ministry is your.

[Megan]

Life. What's up, you guys? I hope you enjoyed this episode. Thank you so much for listening and I hope you felt encouraged in some way. Be sure to like and follow Into Totality Podcast everywhere you listen to your favorite shows, follow into Tality on Apple podcasts or Spotify, and be sure to turn on your post notifications so that you can be the first to listen whenever there's a new.