EP 49: The Gift of Rejection (Ft. Nona Jones)

Summary

Podcast Summary: In Totality with Megan Ashley – EP 49: The Gift of Rejection (Ft. Nona Jones)

Release Date: October 8, 2024

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Introduction to the Episode

In Episode 49 of "In Totality with Megan Ashley," host Megan Ashley welcomes repeat guest Nona Jones to delve deep into the nuanced topic of rejection. This episode, titled "The Gift of Rejection," explores how rejection, while painful, can serve as a catalyst for personal growth, deeper faith, and fulfilling God’s purpose.

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Nona Jones' Journey: From Corporate Executive to Full-Time Ministry

Nona Jones shares her transformative journey from a high-powered corporate executive at YouVersion to embracing full-time ministry. She recounts how a divine calling led her to step away from a stable career to serve as a beacon of light in secular spaces.

Nona Jones [03:56]: "The reason why I even stepped out of work is the Lord literally said, I've called you to be a light in dark places."

This transition was not merely a career change but a profound redefinition of her identity, moving away from deriving self-worth from professional achievements to anchoring her identity in God.

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Understanding Rejection: Trauma and Spiritual Growth

The discussion pivots to the pervasive nature of rejection and its impact on personal identity and faith. Nona highlights how rejection is a common form of human trauma that, when processed correctly, can lead to spiritual growth.

Nona Jones [19:08]: "Rejection is the most common form of human trauma. God can use it as something that can actually be a blessing to us if we know how to steward it."

She emphasizes that recognizing rejection as a gift allows individuals to navigate pain without falling into bitterness or sin, fostering a closer relationship with God.

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Biblical Examples: David, Joseph, and Paul

To illustrate the theological foundation of her message, Nona references key biblical figures who experienced rejection yet rose to significant purpose through their trials.

1. David and Goliath:

   David's rejection by his own family becomes the bedrock for his confidence in defeating Goliath, showcasing how rejection can prepare individuals for greater destinies.

   Nona Jones [23:21]: "Rejection reveals people's role in your destiny. God prepared David while others walked away."

2. Joseph:

   Joseph's familial rejection led him to Egypt, where he ultimately saved his family, demonstrating how rejection can position one for divine purposes.

   Nona Jones [25:15]: "Rejection put Joseph in a position to save his family and bring redemption."

3. Paul:

   Despite widespread abandonment, Paul maintained his faith and mission, drawing nearer to God through his suffering.

   Nona Jones [27:24]: "Paul experienced deep rejection but it drew him closer to God, maintaining his hope even in hopeless situations."

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Impact of Rejection on Identity and Relationships

Nona and Megan discuss how rejection can distort self-perception and strain relationships. Rejection, particularly from primary relationships like parents or close friends, can lead to insecurities and generational trauma if not addressed.

Nona Jones [40:30]: "Rejection in families creates bitterness that affects generations, but knowing who you are in Christ can break that cycle."

Nona underscores the importance of redefining one's identity through Christ to prevent rejection from shaping negative self-worth.

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Processing Rejection: Tools and Steps

Nona introduces practical tools for processing rejection, inspired by her book "The Gift of Rejection." She outlines a framework consisting of:

1. Observe: Recognize and identify the emotions and thoughts triggered by rejection.
2. Pray: Surrender the pain to God, seeking His guidance and peace.
3. Explore: Understand the underlying reasons and lessons from the rejection.
4. Name: Determine actionable steps to move forward constructively.

Nona Jones [45:12]: "Use the Open Framework: Observe, Pray, Explore, Name. These steps help transform rejection into a purposeful journey."

This structured approach helps individuals acknowledge their pain, avoid destructive responses, and align their actions with God’s will.

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Forgiveness and Healthy Boundaries

The conversation delves into the necessity of forgiveness, not as an obligation to reconcile with unrepentant offenders but as a means to liberate oneself from lingering bitterness.

Nona Jones [52:19]: "Forgiveness is not for the other person; it’s for our own peace."

Nona emphasizes setting healthy boundaries, especially with those who persistently reject or harm, ensuring that forgiveness does not equate to compromising one's safety or well-being.

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Rejection in Different Contexts: Professional, Personal, Familial

Nona discusses how rejection manifests across various domains of life:

• Professional Rejection: Losing a job or not getting a promotion can challenge one's professional identity but also open doors to new opportunities aligned with one's calling.

  Nona Jones [66:06]: "Rejection positioned me for purpose, leading me to speaking opportunities I wouldn’t have pursued otherwise."

• Personal Rejection: Endings of relationships can lead to personal growth and a clearer understanding of one's value beyond external validation.

• Familial Rejection: Rejection from family members can lead to long-term emotional scars, but redefining one's identity in Christ can mitigate generational trauma.

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Gifts of Rejection: Lessons and Purpose

Nona articulates the "gifts of rejection," emphasizing that each rejection carries inherent lessons that, when embraced, contribute to personal development and spiritual maturity.

Nona Jones [63:39]: "Rejection is a gift because it positions you for purpose, bringing opportunities you wouldn't have otherwise."

These gifts include:

• Self-Discovery: Understanding one's true identity and values.
• Resilience: Building strength to face future challenges.
• Purpose Alignment: Realigning life goals with God's intended path.

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Practical Takeaways: Journal Prompts

To help listeners process rejection, Nona provides journal prompts at the end of the episode:

• Open Framework Prompt: "What is my next step in processing this pain? What do I need to change or do differently?"

This exercise encourages active reflection and strategic action towards healing and growth.

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Conclusion and Book Promotion

The episode concludes with heartfelt reflections on the transformative power of embracing rejection as a divine tool for growth. Nona promotes her upcoming book, "The Gift of Rejection," available for pre-order on October 1st, aiming to equip believers with the necessary tools to navigate rejection effectively.

Nona Jones [71:56]: "This book is going to change so many people's lives by helping them see rejection as a gift."

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Notable Quotes from the Episode

• Nona Jones [05:05]: "When you are fully dependent on the Lord, it doesn't matter what your plan is. If it isn't His plan, it's not going to happen."
• Nona Jones [19:43]: "God can use rejection as something that can actually be a blessing to us if we know how to steward it."
• Nona Jones [43:39]: "Proverbs 18:21 says, 'Life and death are in the power of the tongue.' The words spoken over us shape our identity."

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Final Thoughts

Episode 49 of "In Totality with Megan Ashley" masterfully intertwines personal testimony with biblical wisdom, offering listeners a comprehensive guide to understanding and embracing rejection. Nona Jones’ insights provide valuable lessons on transforming pain into purpose, reinforcing the show's mission to guide Christians towards a wholly devoted life to God.

For those seeking to redefine their relationship with rejection and harness its potential for spiritual growth, this episode serves as an empowering blueprint.

Transcript

[Megan Ashley]

Hey there, In Totality fam, we need your help. We're running a quick audience survey and we love to hear from you. Head over to Gum FM Totality. It's super simple and we want to keep bringing you content that you love. Let's be real, guys.

[Nona Jones]

You know it, we know it.

[Megan Ashley]

There are ads on our podcast and we want to make the experience better for you. We need to learn a little more about who's tuning in. By filling out this short survey, you'll be helping us improve the show. It's quick, easy, free, and it'll take you just two minutes. Your feedback makes a huge difference to us. So head over to Gum FM Totality. That's G U M F M T O T A L I T Y. And let your voice be heard. Thanks for being such an amazing part of our community. Let's get back to the show with.

[Unknown]

The $5 meal deal at McDonald's. You pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink and a four piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price of participation may vary for a limited time only.

[Nona Jones]

Feels like maybe not the antidote because I think rejection can come. Like we can all be rejected. Yeah, anyone can reject us, you know, but I feel like with David, he had such a confidence in the Lord that it didn't affect.

[Unknown]

That's it.

[Nona Jones]

His, his, how he moved.

[Unknown]

Even in our rejection experiences, you know, God made us a promise that he will never leave. He will never leave us nor forsake us. To leave someone is to physically separate yourself. To forsake someone is to emotionally separate yourself. God said, I will never physically nor emotionally separate myself from you. But what happens is we get so focused on who walked away that we forget who never left.

[Megan Ashley]

Hey, you guys.

[Nona Jones]

Welcome to In Totality, a place where we celebrate authenticity and openness. We're here for those who are willing.

[Megan Ashley]

To accept, explore those who embrace imperfections.

[Nona Jones]

And for those with open hearts and minds. I'm excited to embark on this journey with you. And while I can't predict every twist and turn, I'm certain that God will be by our side with every step of obedience. Welcome to In Totality with me, your host, Megan Ashley.

[Megan Ashley]

What's up, everybody?

[Nona Jones]

Welcome back to another episode of In Totality. I am your host, Megan Ashley. And listen, I'm going to cut straight to the chase. I got my sis back. This is.

[Megan Ashley]

This is actually the first repeat guest.

[Nona Jones]

So everybody, welcome back. Nona Jones, you're the first repeat.

[Unknown]

Oh, that really fully reached. I feel so special.

[Nona Jones]

I'm so excited that you're back. How are you, girl?

[Unknown]

I'm good.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I am so good.

[Nona Jones]

So much has changed since the last time you were here. Like, I feel like last time you were here, you were on, like, the start of a whole new. So catch us up. What's been going on?

[Unknown]

So let's see. Since I was here last, I'm fully in ministry now. So how's that at that point? It's amazing. And it is also. I feel like I'm living in that season where, you know, the Israelites, they're, like, coming out of Egypt, and it's like, we're hungry. What's going on? And God's like, I got you. Here goes some quail. You want some, man? Like, what you want, you know? And so I feel like I'm in that season where I'm just like, all right, Lord, what's next? Yeah, And God's like, don't worry about it. I got you. So. But it's. It's. It's a good, good season. I think I might have told you, or maybe I didn't, but, like, the reason why I even stepped out of work is the Lord literally said, I've called you to be a light in dark places. And, you know, I was working at YouVersion, loved working at the Bible app. God was like, that's a light in lit places. And I was like, but, Lord, I know what I'm doing, right? I want to stay here. And it's been awesome. He's just been calling me into different, you know, secular spaces to take the light of Jesus. And so that's fun. It's been really, really cool.

[Nona Jones]

That's awesome. Has it transitioning? Like, do you feel like before where you kind of knew, like, you had a groove, right? You're in a groove. Like, you know what you're doing. You kind of know.

[Unknown]

But here's the thing. The difficulty for me was not just knowing what I was doing. The difficulty for me was that I derived my identity from that. And I didn't know it until God called me out of it.

[Nona Jones]

Wow.

[Unknown]

Like, I, you know, I was known that I'm the executive. I have this large team, it's global, blah, blah, blah. And it was like, naturally, you gonna just do what I say? And it was like, wait a minute. But if I'm not. I remember the question that came across my mind when the spirit told me to leave was like, well, if I'm not an executive, then, like, who am I? And so that I believe more than anything, what God has done is he's really helped to anchor my identity in him. Because, you know, we can say the things, right? Oh, yeah, I love Jesus. Jesus is my all. But then it's like, when you are literally only defined by what you do for Christ, is that enough? And so that's the season I'm in now. And that's why I say I love the season I'm in, because it's new, it's unfamiliar, but it's all God.

[Nona Jones]

Do you feel like your relationship with the Lord has changed? Yes.

[Unknown]

Yes. Because I think before. And I'm a very introspective person. And so, like, before, I could say things like, I fully rely on the Lord, but the reality is I'm relying on that paycheck. Oh, you hear me? I'm relying on. I'm relying on the bonuses and all of those things. But now it's like, no, really, really. I'm relying on the Lord. And so my faith has just been pushed into places that I don't think it could have gotten there had I not continue to have that, like, safety net. I call it a faith safety net. It's like, lord, I'm trusting you. Yeah, but I got a little egg over here just in case.

[Megan Ashley]

So I just want to dig into.

[Nona Jones]

That just a little bit more because it's so interesting to me, because, like you said, like, when you have security, like, especially job security, financial security, where it's like, I know where my money's coming in. Every single month, it's the same. And then God changes your. Like, he shifts things and he's like, actually, I want you to leave that job. I want you to leave that, you know, whatever. And that dependency is so interesting. But do you feel like. Because now you're more dependent on the Lord, has it caused any frustrations with you in your relationship with God?

[Megan Ashley]

Because I don't feel like people talk about that part.

[Nona Jones]

It's like, yes, faith, yes, I'm going to be obedient. But that doesn't mean it. That is not frustrating because his ways.

[Unknown]

Are not always right. And so when you are fully dependent on the Lord, it doesn't matter what your plan is. If it isn't his plan, it's not going to happen. And so that's where the frustration comes in. It's like, okay, when I'm bankrolling my life, I can say all day that I have faith in God.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

But if God Closes a door that I want to open. I'm just going to throw some money at it. I'm going to open that door. Right. It's going to be mess on the other side of it, but I can make it happen. When you get into a situation where you literally have to stand on just what God has provided and what God has said, it can be very frustrating because you realize just because I want it doesn't mean that God's going to make it happen. But even in that, I think that's why I have like a new texture to my faith, which is, okay, Lord, I can only have what you want me to have. Like, I can only have that. And so I get to the place where I'm like, there was a time where I would pray, lord, this is what I want to do. I pray you bless it. I was gonna make it happen whether he bless it or not. Right. But now I'm in a place where it's like, lord, I really want this thing. Nevertheless, not my will. Your will.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And I will receive. I will literally accept.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

That if this is not your will. And he's shown so many times, he's like, are you serious? Okay.

[Nona Jones]

Okay. Test you. He test you?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I'm gonna test you. Yeah. So it's, it's added a new texture to my face.

[Nona Jones]

So, because you, because I feel like you have so much wisdom, especially because you've been in like the secular executive world and now you're in full time ministry, what would you say to those people? Because you know, they're out there that are like, you know, the Lord has called me to full time ministry. I'm quitting my job. How do you know when it's really the Lord saying, quit your job and.

[Megan Ashley]

When people are just like, you know what I'm saying?

[Nona Jones]

Because there are those people out there and I don't ever want to give like permission for people to just, yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

Quit your job and trust the Lord.

[Nona Jones]

And it's like, but you have to use wisdom too there.

[Unknown]

Because there can be like this zeal, right? Where it's just like, I want to serve God. So I'm going to cut all the things. But one thing I will say on that is I do believe that many of us are called to ministry in marketplace. Like, ministry is not something that just happens within four walls. You do not have to be on the staff of a church. As a matter of fact, statistically, the people who need Jesus are not the ones coming to church. I mean, I remember when I worked at Meta like, I think 80% of the workforce was either atheist or agnostic. Right. These are people who are not going to church. And so my ministry was knowing in my mind I am here as an ambassador for Christ. So what that means is, am I going to walk in with the Bible, like, hey, y'all, I got a Bible? No. But my life is going to be such a light that is going to draw people. And I had conversations with many of my colleagues who did not believe in church, didn't believe in Jesus, none of that. But because of the way I carried myself as a public believer, I was not hiding it. I was not being like, hey, y'all, I go to church on the weekends, but don't tell nobody. I was like, no, I believe in Jesus. I love the Lord.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

It actually caused them to ask questions about faith and what I found. Megan, this is so funny. I would say people who are not Christian don't have a problem with Jesus. They have a problem with the people who profess to be Christians. Right? So, like, they. They were just like, look, Jesus, I'm cool with Jesus. What I know of Jesus, he seems like he's really cool, but it's like, Christians, man. Y'all don't be living that stuff. Yeah, I'll be living it. So I would just tell somebody who's considering it first, seek God for real, and ask God, did he place you in that space, in that role, to be a light for him before you hit the eject button? Because ministry is not just standing on a platform preaching. Ministry is how you live your life every day. You take ministry with you to the grocery store. Your ministry is who you are. It isn't preaching on a platform.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah. I remember my mom telling me she works for the government, and she had.

[Megan Ashley]

Two co workers who.

[Nona Jones]

They were married, and they did a lot of mission work. And in certain countries that they did mission work in, they're not allowed to say that they're Christian unless someone asked them. But it was the way that they loved the people, the way that they served people, the way that they lived. Right. Caused people, because if they asked, they were allowed to then tell them their faith. And so they would get so many people that would be like, I want to know what your faith is because of how kind you are, because of how you served us, because of how generous you are, because of the fruit. Fruit, yeah. And so I think that if you are in the secular world and you're thinking about, like, you're not sure, does God want me in ministry full time? Or whatever. I think just where you are. Be faithful where you are. Do you know what I mean? I think that we, like, we are, like you said, our zeal can cause us to, you know, maybe act outside of wisdom, but it's like, just be faithful where you are.

[Unknown]

Because I think we think of ministry as a vocation, right? I think of ministry as a lifestyle, truly. It's like. And that's why I said earlier, your ministry is who you are, which is why you have to be very careful that you are representing Christ in every situation, not just when you're in a church with a Bible, somebody preaching.

[Nona Jones]

Because, look, I have to. I, I, I like when I work, I tell this story all the time. But when I worked at Chase, like, we had to be. They were so strict about us wearing our uniform outside of our, our office. Because now you are a representation, literally, of our company.

[Unknown]

Literally.

[Nona Jones]

If you're going to wear this sweater on, this is how you're going to have to act. And this is so I, I feel like we have to adopt that as Christians, as believers. It's like, I'm putting this on every single day. And because I am a representation of Christ. So that doesn't mean that we're not human, but that means that we're mindful. Like, I'm mindful to say thank you and how are you and have a good day. Because it's just the little things, even.

[Unknown]

When you want to pop off, it's like, the thing I think about is like, okay, this person could show up in a church service that I'm preaching at.

[Megan Ashley]

I think about that.

[Unknown]

That was the one that was rude. Right? And I don't want that. I love the analogy you gave about the uniform, because I often. I do think it also relates to the fact that we do sometimes want to be seen a way that we're not representing. Right? So it's like, if you literally wear the uniform of the world and people think that you are of the world, but you're like, no, wait, I'm a Christian. It's almost like wearing a police officer uniform and somebody be like, oh, my God, there's a fight. Officer, come help. And you're like, I'm not a police officer.

[Nona Jones]

Well, why? You got it on.

[Unknown]

Why?

[Nona Jones]

Yeah, yeah. You're a liar.

[Unknown]

Yeah, you're an imposter. You're an imposter. Exactly.

[Megan Ashley]

Okay, so I want to ask you.

[Nona Jones]

I have icebreaker questions. I know I'm not that good at icebreaker questions because they're usually, like, super.

[Unknown]

Deep I love it.

[Nona Jones]

But this.

[Megan Ashley]

This is.

[Nona Jones]

I feel like a.

[Unknown]

You should call it a glacier breaker question. O.

[Nona Jones]

That's like, yeah, it's like, question. I'm going to adopt that.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Nona Jones]

Like that. Okay.

[Megan Ashley]

So what would people be surprised?

[Nona Jones]

Like, what's a human trait about you that people would be surprised to know? Because people feel like, you know, you.

[Megan Ashley]

See public figures and, like, you see.

[Nona Jones]

Them in a specific. Like, in a certain type of way. But it's like, we're. We're human and we do goofy stuff. And, like, what's one thing that people would be, like, caught off guard if they knew about you?

[Unknown]

I. There's so many things, but, like, you talk about being goofy because you're goofy. Listen, goofy. Like, I just. I love to have a good time. I love to laugh. I don't like super stuffy situations. So, like, even when I'm preaching somewhere, it's so funny because, you know, if you've experienced this, people can be so serious. Right? Like, you come in the car, they're just like, oh, my God. And I'm just like, it's all good. They're like, can I serve you? Can I get you anything? I will get it for myself. I love to have a good time. I love people. I love to dance. I love just. I love to dance. I used to be a dancer.

[Nona Jones]

I feel like I need to see more TikToks of you dancing because I.

[Megan Ashley]

Feel like I might have saw one.

[Nona Jones]

But I'm like, I need to see. I feel like I saw one, but.

[Megan Ashley]

I'm like, I need to see more of these.

[Unknown]

That's why I do like, dancing Funny Friday reels occasionally. Just because I love to have a good time. I have some things saved in my Instagram account.

[Nona Jones]

I need to see it.

[Unknown]

I'm praying about those, because people, they be like, is that too.

[Nona Jones]

Are you serious about the Lord?

[Unknown]

No, I love. I'm just. I'm goofy. But I have had people actually say, like, I've had people DM me.

[Nona Jones]

Really?

[Unknown]

Because I'll do, like, a Funny Friday, and my Funny Fridays are always, like, clean stuff. But they'll be like, I cannot believe you would post that as a woman of God. I'm like, I think God invented humor.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah, I don't think we came up with that.

[Unknown]

I don't think so.

[Nona Jones]

You're like, I think it's fine.

[Unknown]

I think it's okay. Yes. I'm super glued.

[Nona Jones]

Okay, so hopefully we'll see some more. Yeah, Some more Funny Fridays.

[Unknown]

My team will tell you, like, I'm not. I'm not a serious person, really. I'm serious when it comes to, like, the word, and I'm serious when it comes to, like, sharing the word of God. But, man, outside of that, you, like, I'm straight. Yeah.

[Nona Jones]

Okay. So the last time you were here, we were talking briefly about your book that's coming out in October. And. And what's crazy is, is like, if you. If you guys remember from the first time Nona was on, I was introduced to you. The first time I heard you speak was on this subject. And I remember sitting there and it. I mean, when I say it was like, oh, my gosh, she's literally giving language to all the things that I have felt. Because rejection is a big thing with me. And I think. I think rejection is probably a big thing with a lot of people, but I think it hits people differently. And I'm. I feel like I've naturally just been insecure a lot in my life. And so when you experience rejection, it just enhances that insecurity. And so that was the first time that I was introduced to you and I DM'd you. And I was like, I just need you to know that this completely changed my life. And then when my life kind of changed last year, you were so kind to reach out to me and just be like, hey, I'm praying for you and I got you if you need anything. And. And so we talked about your book coming out. So now we're getting closer because it comes out October 1st.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Nona Jones]

How do you feel?

[Unknown]

I feel really good. And like, I've been taking the message all over, like, around the US I've taken it internationally. And what's been amazing, this is why I know it's a God breathed message. I've shared it at churches, I've shared it at business conferences. I'm talking with, like, C level executives, people who ain't thinking nothing about God.

[Nona Jones]

Wow.

[Unknown]

I've shared it to teenagers, college students, and the response has been the same. I'm talking about tears. I had a man, CEO of a very large company come up to me after I shared a business conference, and he was in tears. And he was like, I did not know that so much of my life has been defined by rejection.

[Nona Jones]

Wow.

[Unknown]

And just even pursuing positions and, you know, going hard after business deals and all that. He was like, he's like, I now can see how rejection fueled that. And so the conclusion I have come to, and you kind of alluded to it, is that rejection is the most common form of human trauma.

[Nona Jones]

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[Megan Ashley]

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[Nona Jones]

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[Megan Ashley]

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[Nona Jones]

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[Megan Ashley]

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[Nona Jones]

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[Megan Ashley]

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[Unknown]

And part of the reason why I'm even sharing this message is I do believe that rejection is a root that actually leads people into a lot of sin because. Because you're trying so hard to fix a wound that you can't even give language to that you can't even identify. You're trying to heal something that you don't even know what to call it.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And so you're in relationships you shouldn't be in. You're addicted to things. You're, you know, pursuing things because you're trying to heal something that God actually intends to use as a gift. I don't believe that God causes rejection, but I do believe that he can use it.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

As something that can actually be a blessing to us if we know how to steward it.

[Nona Jones]

Well, yeah, I I think what I love is that what I love about the Bible is that it doesn't hide anything from us. And we see rejection in so many different forms, which tells us that rejection is going to come.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Nona Jones]

There's a possibility of it showing up in our lives in so many different forms. But I was. I was thinking about just some things that I wanted to talk to you about, and I wrote down a few questions. But what. Why do you feel like right now? Like, what is the impact you think this book is going to have on society right now? Like, why is it important? Why is this message important?

[Unknown]

Now we literally have an epidemic of rejection. And, and I will say, having worked at Meta for six years, I do think that social media is part of the problem for sure, because I think there is this, like, you get exposed to so many people's highlight reels all the time. If you already have a rejection wound, it's like it gets hit all the time. Like, everybody's doing better. Everything's working out for everybody else. I need to make something happen. I need to get in a relationship. She's getting married. And it can end up propelling you into a place that God did not call you to. And so I hope. My hope for this book is that it will give people not only language for what they're experiencing, but also an actual toolbox for how to begin to process the gift of rejection. And let me tell you the title. The pain of rejection is not a gift. It's not right. It's real. It hurts. But pain is only rejections wrapping paper. The gift is on the inside. And the gift is what it can teach you about yourself and other people. That is the gift of rejection. There's a lesson in it. And I believe that God wants to equip people to discover the lesson in every rejection because it can truly make you better. Yeah, but if you don't discover it, it'll make you bitter.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And that root of bittern ends up defiling many, including yourself.

[Nona Jones]

What do you feel like is the common knowledge that rejection shows us about other people?

[Unknown]

Well, one of the gifts of rejection is that it reveals people's role in your destiny. And so I'll give you, you know, so in the, in the. The book, the kind of. The thesis of the book comes from the story of David and Goliath. Right. And so I think we all know David and Goliath. We know this young shepherd boy goes out to this battlefield. He's not even in the army, you know, but he happens to be Taking lunch to his brothers, and he overhears Goliath taunting the Israelites. And so he overhears that, and he's basically like, who is this uncircumcised Philistine to even say anything against the people of God? And he says to Saul, hey, I'll go and fight him. But here's the thing. David's brother, David's brother Eliab, when David came out to the battlefield, he was like, why are you here? I know how conceited you are. Why don't you go tend to them little sheep in the. In the field over there? And so he basically is talking down to him. But the very thing that he basically looked down on David being a shepherd tending sheep, that became David's justification for why he felt he could even defeat Goliath. He said to Saul, he was like, look, I know you look at me and think that there's no way I could defeat him, but I've been keeping my father's sheep. And when a lion or a bear would come and take one away, I would strike it and I would kill it. And then he said, the Lord, who protected me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will protect me against this Philistine, right? And so he ends up defeating Goliath because he's out in this field by himself, day after day, week after week, doing this work that his brothers even look down on. And the Lord prepared him. But here's the beauty of it, and I'm kind of getting ahead of myself.

[Nona Jones]

No, that's good.

[Unknown]

So we know that David became king of Israel, right? The Bible says. As a matter of fact, Let me read it. Let me open up. Open up the book.

[Nona Jones]

I love it.

[Unknown]

So this is in 1st Samuel, chapter 16. So God sends the prophet Samuel to Jesse, David's father. And he basically tells Samuel, he's like, look, I've chosen one of Jesse's sons to be the next king. So Jesse brings seven of his sons to Samuel for Samuel to take a look at them, right? And Samuel's like. Like, God hasn't chosen any of these. And he's like, are these all the sons you have? Jesse's like, no, they're still the youngest. He's out in the field tending sheep. So Samuel says to Jesse, he was like, send for him. We will not sit down until he arrives. So all the brothers and Jesse, they're standing, waiting for David to come. He comes in. Samuel anoints David in the presence of his brothers, including Eliab, the very person who was like, who are you supposed to be? The very person who is, like, rejecting him. The Lord has Samuel anoint him in his presence. And so I think rejection, in many ways, it reveals the fact that not everybody in your life is for you. And that's okay. Where we falter is we hold grudges. Right. Oh, you didn't show up for me. I'm not showing up for you. And we kind of return energy for energy. No. God knew where David was. He was out in the field by himself. Just because they left him there. God knew where he was. So we have to get to a place that we're not holding grudges against people just because they don't support us, Just because they talk down to us.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Because God can use even their rejection to position us for purpose.

[Nona Jones]

Yep. And we see that also in the story of Joseph, which I love. I love that, like, his brothers literally want. Wanted him dead. They were going to kill, like, kill him. And he. That rejection puts him in a position to actually save his.

[Unknown]

His.

[Nona Jones]

His family, save his brothers, and actually bring redemption and reconciliation back to his family, which I really love. But the qu. Like, I think the thing that I. That I find beauty in, and especially about the story about David, is it feels like the. Maybe not the antidote, because I think rejection can come. Like, we can all be rejected.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Nona Jones]

Anyone can reject us, you know, But I feel like with David, he had such a confidence in the Lord that it didn't affect.

[Unknown]

That's it.

[Nona Jones]

His. His. How he moved. He was like, I still, like, yeah, like, I still. Because God was with me.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Nona Jones]

In the fields.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Nona Jones]

So I know he'll be with me even through this rejection.

[Unknown]

And that's the part is, like, even in our rejection experiences, you know, God made us a promise that he will never leave. He will never leave us nor forsake us. To leave someone is to physically separate yourself. To forsake someone is to emotionally separate yourself. God said, I will never physically nor emotionally separate myself from you. But what happens is we get so focused on who walked away that we forget who never left. And so God is with us in that rejection. Like, yes, they walked away. They humiliated you. They embarrassed you.

[Nona Jones]

They talk about canceled.

[Unknown]

Listen, listen.

[Nona Jones]

You talk about embarrassment, but God is with you.

[Unknown]

And so I do believe one of the gifts and rejection is that if you let it, if you learn to let it, it will draw you nearer to God because you realize that when everyone walks away, you finally realize the one who never left.

[Nona Jones]

Because that's what I Was going to ask you, do you feel like rejection can affect your closeness to God? Like. Like, what is that process like? Because I know that especially when it's been someone that. That holds a deep, significant place in my life. Like even going back to childhood when there were times where I felt rejected and abandoned by my father, that affected how I saw the Lord. It affected how I perceived his goodness and his love. So how do we. How do we navigate through that? When you're hurt and by that rejection, how do we maintain our closeness to the Lord?

[Unknown]

I think we have to first recognize that people don't do what they do because of you. They do what they do because of them. And because we don't have the tools. That's literally why I wrote the book, is to give people the tools. Because we don't have the tools to explore that and understand that what we do is we internalize another person's choice as our fault. And so we think, oh my gosh, you know, what could I have done differently? What could I have done? And that's why I said rejection can actually be a gateway into sin. Because now I am trying to figure out how I can please this person. Not God, this person. So I end up compromising myself. I end up in spaces and places that I don't need to go in. And so you have to recognize that, look, they made a choice. The rejection was their choice. That's not an indictment on your worth. And that is why it can draw you closer to God. Without this toolbox, it can draw us further from God because we think, well, they, they abandoned me. Lord, why did you let this happen? The gift, again, is that it reveals people's role in your destiny. When someone abandons you, that's because the role they played in your life has ended. But what do we do? That abandonment triggers our insecurity. And so now we do one of two things. I think we respond to rejection by either imploding or exploding. When we implode, we implode into self harm. That's where you see addictions. That's where you see things like deep depression and insecurity. Because we've now accepted that person's decision as our fault. We can also explode into hostility and anger, drunkenness. Now we're out there sleeping with whoever and whatever will give us a crumb of attention. Right. Both of those are the wrong response.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

The response should be, lord, what is this supposed to be teaching me about myself? What is this supposed to be teaching me about that other person?

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And it's a lesson I can carry into the future. But the enemy has blinded us to the point where we literally just turn inward.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

When the response should be looking upward.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So you had your father's rejection. I had my mother's rejection. For years. I was like, what did I do that was so bad that she chose her abuser over me? She became my abuser. She would go months and years without speaking to me. I was like, what did I do that was so bad? And that rejection pain became the thing that I tried to anesthetize with horrible relationships, with pursuing achievements and accomplishments, but it never took away the pain because the only solution is drawing nearer to God.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Period.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And you see that in. I gotta go over to Second. It's in second Timothy, chapter four, where the apostle Paul, Right. Like, so he's in. He's in prison as usual. He's in prison per usual. And he's. He's writing this letter because he's basically trying to warn Timothy. He's like, look, you got to be on your guard because everybody has abandoned me. You was like, Alexander the metal worker. He did me a great deal of harm. But the thing that I love about what he wrote, which I think blessed me so much, is even though all those people abandoned him, he said, let it not be held against them. Because he said it was the Lord who protected me. Why did he protect him? He protected him so that the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. He said, and I was delivered from the lion's mouth. He said, the Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen. When he was experiencing his deepest rejection, it drew him nearer to God. That's how he was able to maintain his hope in a hopeless situation. And that's what I hope to equip people to do is look, rejections are going to happen.

[Nona Jones]

Yep.

[Unknown]

It's just the nature of life.

[Nona Jones]

Yep.

[Megan Ashley]

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[Unknown]

But you can either let it draw you nearer to God, to the source of, of love and peace, or you can let it draw you further away into sin. One of the other is going to happen. Yeah.

[Nona Jones]

I think what I've learned about like in my journey of rejection and again, I think addressing that really started the first time that I heard you preach this. That was the first time I actually like addressed rejection and what rejection was like for me. But I feel like a lot of it was because I allowed situations and other people to define me.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Nona Jones]

And I didn't allow the Lord to define me. And I think like you said, rejection, it's going to happen. Like it will happen. You'll be rejected by something, someone, somewhere. Right. But I think having a deep rooted security and knowing who God says that you are. So like, even though you might reject me, it's not shattering my world because I know who I am. And I think like, even with my children, I'm like, it's so important that we are the ones to tell our children who they are.

[Unknown]

Absolutely.

[Nona Jones]

I'm the one, I'm the one that's responsible for making sure that you have an identity.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Nona Jones]

So that way when you walk outside of these doors, you have been so trained and loved to know who you are that it doesn't matter what anyone else says about you. Now does it mean it doesn't hurt? It might. But it's not shattering your world. Do you know what I mean?

[Unknown]

A girl. Listen, I had. This was maybe a couple months ago, I was at a board meeting and a couple of the board members were, we were getting ready to wrap up the meeting and they were like, oh, are you heading to this other meeting that was happening? It was like a bunch of people, like a bunch of peers in ministry and I hadn't heard a thing about it. Right.

[Nona Jones]

I hate when people think, I hate when that happens about it.

[Unknown]

And I, I could say was, oh, no, now it just so happened that I actually had to go preach somewhere. So I was like, no, I have to go to New Jersey to preach. But that thing, I was like, and I know the person who was hosting the thing now, why don't you tell me? In the past, in the Past what I would have done is that would have happened. It would have landed on me in a way that would have hit a wound, would have hit my rejection wound. It would have maybe been like, wow, so I guess I'm not good enough. Wow. You know, they left me out. I've been overlooked or whatever, because the Lord has given me wisdom on this, and I've been able to truly get free from this. I was able to kind of pause in that moment, and I was able to, like, actually think about, okay, what am I feeling right now? Like, what is this that I'm feeling? I was able to pinpoint the emotion, which I kind of talk about in the book, too, is I was feeling sad. But the true root of that sadness was humiliation, because it was like, oh, all these other people been invited. I wasn't invited. Yeah, Specifically wasn't invited.

[Nona Jones]

Right.

[Unknown]

Like, I'm like, you invited everybody but me. So I was really humiliated. But even in that, I was able to just pray, and I was like, all right, Lord, I surrender this feeling to you, because I know that you have the power to open the right doors. You have the power to close the wrong doors. And so I surrender this feeling to you. And then from there, I was like, all right, Lord, give me wisdom on how to handle this so that I can experience freedom.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So what I did, which I would never have done in the past, as I reached out to the person who was hosting it, and I was just like, hey, I don't know if I was meant to be invited, but just so you know, some people asked if I was coming. I didn't receive an invitation and just wanted to make sure you're aware I'm not there just because I didn't know about it. And the person was like, I'm so sorry. I thought you were invited. I meant to invite you. And don't do. Don't go there. I'm trying to hang on to my freedom. Don't go there. Don't go there.

[Nona Jones]

So notice that. Look, I'm trying to be humble now. Don't lie to me. Okay?

[Unknown]

I was like. I was like, okay. But the thing. Okay, girl. The thing about it was I. I was able to process it differently. Whereas in the past, I would have just internalized it.

[Nona Jones]

I would have sat with that and stewed doing it. Oh, my God, Listen.

[Unknown]

It would have been on Instagram, going to everybody. Let me see the immediate sub.

[Nona Jones]

Immediate subs on thread.

[Unknown]

Like, what's it? Yeah, but no, I was able to leave that situation literally unscathed. Emotionally, because I know now what to do about it. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to quit. People.

[Nona Jones]

Do you feel like rejection lands differently when it's professional or personal? Because, like, you know, like, people, people deal with personal rejection. You don't get the job, you don't get the position, you don't get the promotion, all the things. Does that, does that type of rejection land differently on us than like somebody not wanting to be your friend anymore or somebody not wanting to be in a relationship with you anymore?

[Unknown]

I think it. So it depends. That's such a really good question. I've never been asked that because I think rejection at its root is the same substance. Right. It's not being chosen. And the thing about it, too, God helped me to understand in order to even experience rejection, you have to first have even had the hope that you were accepted. Right? Like, you don't. You don't feel rejected by a job you didn't apply for.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

You don't feel rejected by a guy you aren't even attracted to. As a matter of fact, you're like, thank you for not.

[Nona Jones]

Thank you being interested.

[Unknown]

Right. You don't feel rejected because your friends, parents don't view you as their daughter. You feel rejected because the job you had your heart set on, you didn't get it. The man that you gave the best years of your life to walked away because your parent abandoned you. And so when rejection happens, I think in any context, it doesn't injure our pride, it actually can break our heart because it required hope. So it shatters hope. And so for me, I do think, think that whether it's professional or personal, there's also familial rejection. Right. Like the people that should accept you unconditionally when, when those primary relationships, when those people don't accept you, I believe that there is a rejection that if you don't get healed from that, it could literally create generational trauma. And I think that's what we see now.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Is we see where there is rejection in families, mothers, fathers, siblings, that have created so much bitterness that generations have been affected by it. So it's rejection after rejection. I have a friend of mine who she was seeing a guy, and the guy, he. His father left him, abandoned him when he was a child. And he was like, man, you know, when I have children, I will never do that. Well, she ends up getting pregnant. He immediately disappears.

[Nona Jones]

Jesus.

[Unknown]

Right. Because he didn't realize that there was a root of rejection within him that he had not extricated and if you leave it there, it'll.

[Nona Jones]

It'll.

[Unknown]

Will grow into something that you don't even want.

[Nona Jones]

I noticed that when I, like, now that my mom. Now that I'm older, me and my mom have more candid conversations. She's more. She's like, been more vulnerable with me about just the things that she has experienced in life. And when. When she talks about certain things, it's interesting to me that I'm like, oh, yeah, I think I've felt that way too, most of my life. And then when I listen to my oldest son.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah.

[Nona Jones]

Like, he doesn't like being left out. And so he's. He's experiencing friendship. Like, we're having these conversations about how he's experiencing friendships. And he has two friends at his church that he's kind of close with. And when they kind of go off and do something, it feels like rejection and like he's being left out. And like, that sense of loneliness kind of comes up for him. And it's so interesting because I'm like. Like I'm listening to my mother say that she's always felt that way too. And then I'm realizing myself how I've felt lonely and, you know, left out of things. And so you. You can really see a pattern in it.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Nona Jones]

In. In families. You know what I mean?

[Unknown]

And it's. It's. It's identity. Like, it's. It's identity. And that's why I think it is, again, generational. And it can. It gets passed down.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

But the. The solution truly is knowing who you are in Christ. Because once you really, deeply, truly know who you are in, you can be left out. And you will be like, not just fine. You'll be grateful. You'll be like, oh, I got more time on my hands, you know, So I. I do think that that is the solution. And that's why I point people over and over again in the book to Christ and identity in Christ. You know, at the root of so much rejection is shame. And people tend to.

[Nona Jones]

Shame is hard, man.

[Unknown]

It is, because it's about identity. And we talk about guilt and shame like they're the same thing. But guilt is the idea that I made a mistake. Shame is the idea that I am a mistake. And so if I am a mistake, that is my identity. That's who I am. But then that's why we become a new creature in Christ. We have to have a new identity in Christ. You cannot bring your old identity to who you are in Christ. You know what I Mean. And so I do think that is, that is the solution.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah, you talk about, you talk about using rejection purposely.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Nona Jones]

And personally tell us the difference. And how can we make that rejection purposeful? Like, how can that be a purposeful thing?

[Unknown]

Yeah, so I think you kind of mentioned it a little bit earlier, but yeah, when rejection happens, we do tend to take it personally. Like, oh, it happened because they didn't like me, or it happened because I'm not good enough. What, what could I have done differently? What could I do? So we, we kind of turn inward and become like super self critical. And what I am offering to people as a new way of thinking about it is again, what is the purpose in it? What can I learn about it? And I think the way that rejection can be taken purposefully is by beginning to actually observe, number one, how do I react when I am rejected? What are the emotions that are kind of governing my heart? Like, what am I actually feeling? And then what am I thinking? Because I believe there is a talk track. There's like a rejection talk track that runs through our minds and we don't even realize it. It's almost automatic. So Proverbs 18:21 says, Life and death are in the power of the tongue. That word power is a Hebrew word, yod. It means hand. And so if you think about it, what we say, if you think about a hand does. A hand creates, a hand shapes, a hand molds. And so if life and death are in the hand of the tongue, the words that are spoken over us are actually shaping what we believe about ourselves. They're molding the way that we see ourselves. And we have to actually pause and be like, wait, why is it that when I'm abandoned or humiliated or blamed or whatever, why is it that I immediately start to think these things? And if you actually start to actually write it down, you'll realize that you literally say the same things over and over again. The question becomes, where did that come from?

[Nona Jones]

Yep.

[Unknown]

Where did this idea that I am not wanted come from? That my talk track came from my mother. Because my mom told me over and over, I wish I never had you. You're a burden. I should have never had you. Over and over. And so I would think when rejection would happen, I was like, of course they would reject me. My own mother doesn't even want me. So, like, why? Why would I expect to be accepted? So those talk tracks are like, if you go to the museum and the docent hand you a set of headphones and you go to an exhibit you press play, it's going to give a talk track. Narrating the exhibit. If you listen to that enough, you don't even need to press play because you'll have it memorized.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

So we have to get to the place that we actually pause to figure out what's the talk track.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And then once we know what the talk track is, that's the lie.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Now we can begin to replace it with God's truth.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So it really is about identity. And identity is shaped by the words that are spoken over us.

[Nona Jones]

That's good. Do you think that rejection, like, do you think it's important to be able to identify if you've been rejected or not?

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah.

[Nona Jones]

So, like, because. Because there might be people that don't even realize. Like, actually, no, that's rejection. Like, what does that look like? Or how. How can we identify what rejection really is?

[Unknown]

Well, I will first say the reason why it matters is because you cannot get free from a bondage you haven't acknowledged. Right. So you're like, oh, yeah, I'm good. I'm fine. And that's what we do. Rejection happens and our pride picks up. Oh, I'm over it, child. I don't care about that. Yeah, he left the girl. I'm on to better things. No, it hurt you. And you have actually accepted responsibility for it because you believe you're defective, but you're not willing to say that. And so you end up in other relationships that repe the same cycle because there is a primary belief there that attracts the people who agree with what you believe. Yeah. And so we have to be willing to say, you know what? That thing hurt me. Start there. It hurt me. Now that I can admit that it hurt me, I can start to actually give it to the Lord.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

To help.

[Nona Jones]

Oh, cast the cares.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Cast the care. But you can't cast cares you haven't acknowledged. Just. So we just deny it. Yeah, I'm good. I'm fine. I don't care. No, I do care.

[Nona Jones]

I care. Yeah, it hurt.

[Unknown]

It hurt. But the hurt doesn't have to be the end.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

The hurt is just an awareness and acknowledgement because we are flesh and spirit. Our flesh is going to hurt. Our spirit wants to experience the healing and deliver the healing, but our flesh is hurt by what people do.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Acknowledge it. Surrender it to God so you can begin to replace the lies with the truth of the word of God.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And work out your salvation.

[Nona Jones]

I. I was. Was. I've gone through some significant rejection in the last year. And I remember being in the car after a situation and I was just so sad. I was just like, God, like, you know, why is this happening and why you know all this stuff? And I feel like the Lord was like, you really think this is about you? And it started to, I, it started to. He made me more aware of how self centered I was being, even in my rejection. Like, you think this is a. You think that, like you're taking it, like you said, personally. And really they're doing this and it has nothing to do. You're just the, the avenue of which they've decided to release their anger or whatever. But it's like this is really not even about you. What you could be spending your time doing is praying for that person.

[Unknown]

Yeah. And that's why I said earlier, people don't do what they do because of you. They do what they do because of them.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

But we take it personally now, here, Now I will say this, and I think this is important for me to say. If you are acting a fool, then they may be doing what they're doing because of you. Let's just.

[Megan Ashley]

Yeah.

[Nona Jones]

There's accountability for a minute.

[Unknown]

Right? There is accountability. There is accountability because sometimes people will hear that and be like, that's right, child. It's because.

[Nona Jones]

No, no, no, no. You, you check yourself.

[Unknown]

But, but we have to be, we have to be mature enough.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

To own our stuff. And that's another thing I talk about in the book is like when a rejection happens, there is a lesson about the other person for sure. But there's also a lesson about yourself.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And that is okay. What did I do to contribute to it? What, what should I have done differently? What can I learn from this? Because if we don't learn from it, we're going to repeat it again. That's just, that's just how it goes. And so, yeah, I think we have to recognize that's how we take it purposefully is we allow it to teach us. We allow God to show us ourselves as well as the other person. It could very well be that that person's role in your destiny is over.

[Nona Jones]

And that's okay.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Nona Jones]

Do you know what I mean? I feel like that is okay. Every rejection doesn't have to destroy you. You know what I'm saying? It doesn't have to destroy you. It might just be that season may just be up for that relationship. Okay, so, so how can we focus on. Because I feel like pain is such a. I quote this movie all the time. I don't know if you've seen the movie, Lucy. It's a great movie. It's one of my favorite movies. And so Lucy, spoiler alert, she goes up to one of the bad guys and she stabs him in the hands. And he's sitting there and, like, she stabs his hands and she looks at him and she says, all you know right now is pain. That's all you know. You know, nothing but pain.

[Megan Ashley]

Right.

[Nona Jones]

And it made me think, like, yes, when something hurts, that's all I can focus on. Like, if I have a headache, all I know is that pain. I can't even focus on anything else in, like, that's going on. So when. When rejection happens, that pain of that rejection, how can we, like, focus on the purpose of it when that pain is so. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Present. When that pain is so strong, how can we navigate through that?

[Unknown]

Well, I think we have to first give ourself license to actually experience the pain. Because pain denied doesn't go away. Yeah, Pain denied simply gets absorbed and it ends up coming out in other ways. So that's why I believe that there are people who have personalities that are actually not their personalities. They're just pain that's expressing itself through them. And so people who maybe have little attitudes all the time, and they're like, if you were to ask them why you have an attitude. I don't have an attitude. No, honey, you really do. So I think we do have to just give ourselves license to just sit with it for a minute.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And actually name what we feel.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

What is it that you feel? Because until you name it, you can't even surrender it to God.

[Nona Jones]

Right.

[Unknown]

You can't even. It's like, lord, I just. I don't like what happened. Well, how do you feel about it? How is it making you feel? Okay, I surrender that to you. Now I can begin to do the work. So give yourself license to sit in the pain for just a minute. Not forever. We're not going to tarry. We're not going to pick up the phone and call everybody and tell them what so and so did. But we are going to give oursel license to actually, actually acknowledge it and admit it so that we can seek freedom from it. And one of the first things we have to do, and this is one of the hardest things, is we have to forgive our offender. Man, that thing is hard, especially when they don't apologize. But here's the thing.

[Nona Jones]

Forgiveness is hard.

[Unknown]

Listen, it is like, I call forgiveness like a faith Gym. Because it's hard and it's heavy and it's not something that we want to do. But there's power in it.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Because forgiveness is not really for the other person. It really is for us.

[Nona Jones]

Yep.

[Unknown]

But here's the thing. Forgiveness does not mean access. Just because I forgive you, that doesn't mean that you're going to have access to me. Because you may not be safe.

[Nona Jones]

Yep.

[Unknown]

And in order for there to be a healthy relationship, there actually has to be two things present. We tend to focus so much on forgiveness, and that is necessary. But a healthy relationship requires equal access to forgiveness and repentance. And if the other person is not in a repentant state, if they do not see the wrong in what they did, you can forgive them. But they are not safe.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

They're just not safe. And that's how I had to come to a conclusion with my mom. And it was really hard. But for years, for years, years, years, I would forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive. And she would blame me. She would say I was the problem. She would constantly re. Injure me. And the Lord gave me that revelation. Like Nona, she's unrepentant. An unrepentant person isn't safe.

[Nona Jones]

You can't. So do you believe that you cannot be in a relationship with someone who consistently rejects you? Because, like, for people who have family members. Right. Or. Or even maybe chill, I don't know, children or whoever, like, you can't really like their family.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Nona Jones]

Can you have a relationship with someone who is unhealthy in that way that constantly rejects you?

[Unknown]

I think it has to be a different type of relationship where you have to acknowled where they are and they simply, there's simply, there's parts of you that they just can't have access to because they will injure it.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Right. So like with my mom, for example, I take care of all of her physical needs. Whatever she needs. Whatever she needs. If she's in the hospital, I make sure she has the best care. If she has bills that are due, then I make sure that they're paid. I take care of her physical needs. I cannot be emotionally vulnerable with her because she will weaponize that. And when that is weaponized, that ends up hurting me. And then that makes me susceptible to doing things that dishonor God. And so I see it as a cascade. So someone who constantly rejects you, they are not repentant about it. They don't even think it's anything wrong with it.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

There's probably a level of access to you that they just cannot handle.

[Megan Ashley]

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[Unknown]

Because they're not safe.

[Nona Jones]

So I have a question on that you can tell me. This is too personal. If you don't want to answer, because I'm just interested.

[Megan Ashley]

Do you?

[Nona Jones]

Being that you have, you know, God has allowed you to do this work with rejection and you're still taking care of your mom. Is that not awkward? But is there. Is there tension? Is it hard to navigate through the fact that you're so open about your history, your life with her and she's still alive, you're still taking care of her, you'll have a relationship. It may not be like that vulnerable, sure. Relationship. But does that make things hard? Like to be that vulnerable and honest and transparent with someone who is your, you know. Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

So I was.

[Nona Jones]

Because I was scaling like, oh, I know there's. There's some stories I could tell, not so much about my mom, but about some other people. And.

[Megan Ashley]

But I tr.

[Nona Jones]

But I'm like, that's. That might be hard.

[Unknown]

So I. I do think it is something that you have to be called to do because there's a level of grace that is required in order to withstand the blowback. Like, yes, I have dealt with that. I think anyone who has abused somebody would prefer nobody to know. Right. Like, I think especially. And it's. But the tension that I had to walk through, it's so funny because the way I even started sharing my story was accidentally. It was in college. My roommate ended up getting raped and she was extremely Depressed, as you can imagine, she was suicidal. It was really, really bad. And one day I just shared my story with her and I told her what happened to me and how my mom's boyfriend, you know, abused me and how she let it happen. And I was like, but I will tell you this, you gotta hang in there because God can redeem this. And I said, listen, I'm committing myself that I'm going to be here with you for whatever you need. I know right now it seems like this is the end of your world. Look, I tried to end my life at the ages of 9 and 11, so I get it. I said, but I promise you, this is not the end of your story. And so. So she. Because of what I shared, I could tell that there was like a glimmer of hope in her. And I had never shared my story at all, but it was just one on one. And then from there, God started to open doors where I started to share my story in other contexts. And so many people were like, that happened to me. I've never told anyone.

[Nona Jones]

Wow.

[Unknown]

I've been carrying this secretly because I'm afraid of offending somebody.

[Nona Jones]

Wow.

[Unknown]

And I realized that that is just part of a ministry that God has given me, is to shine a light, hate on something that we do not talk about. And it's something that has literally created the perfect conditions for people to live in sin. Secret shame, all of this. And people are living in sin. And so it's hard. My mom has voiced, of course, that she doesn't like it. I've even had some family members say things like, I can't believe you would talk about your mom. But the way that the Lord has helped me to kind of reconcile it, though, is these are people who weren't there. These are people who have never asked what happened to me. These are people who really don't care about me. What they care about is protecting an image.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And so I'm like, you know, I think it's more important that I'm an agent that the Lord uses to help set other people free than for me to be in bondage to people who don't even care about the fact that I was abused.

[Nona Jones]

And I think it's such a testimony that you're still support, like, you still love your mom, you're still taking care of her, even though those things happen. I think that that's a huge part of that.

[Unknown]

Well, and that just goes to show, again, just the grace, the grace of God. My mom, she literally said to me, she was like, well, it wouldn't have happened if you would have just kept your legs closed. Okay. I was 5, 6, 7, 8. Not like, I don't, I don't know. But again, it's the grace of God. I don't have bitterness toward her because I know hurt people. Hurt people.

[Nona Jones]

That's a fact.

[Unknown]

She, I mean, she has her own stuff, her own issues going on. He had his own stuff, his own issues going on. Hurt people, hurt people. But healed people heal people. And so I'm in the business of helping people heal.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And if that requires me to be a case study, then I'm. I'm happy with it as long as God gets glorified.

[Nona Jones]

So I'm interested in this question because we've seen how. We're seeing how the Lord has brought you through rejection and how you're using it to glorify him and to help people heal from rejection. But what are the dangers in becoming the rejector after you've been rejected so much?

[Unknown]

Yeah. So that is part of the. Hurt people. Hurt people. I believe with all of my being that the reason why people reject is because they were rejected. Like, we literally pass it on. We just kind of passed it along, but that's because we haven't processed it, we haven't acknowledged it, we haven't admitted it. So I know there's this like, like red pill community, like, of men talking about how, you know, women, women are horrible and you just need to use them and they shouldn't disturb you and all this. I guarantee you, every single one of those men has been rejected.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Completely. Like, what happened was I, I guarantee you they've all had this story. They gave their heart to a woman and she. And she rejected them.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And so they have decided to take that pain and pass it forward.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

You know, and so that is the danger is you can become the very perpetrator of the pain that you experienced. Which is why you've got to learn to see it as a gift. And you've got to learn to open the gift because like I said, if you open it, it'll make you better, but if you don't, it'll make you bitter. And so you have a lot of people walking around bitter because they were rejected.

[Nona Jones]

What are the. So tell me the gifts that you have been able to discover that have come out of rejection. What are the gifts of rejection?

[Unknown]

So give us.

[Nona Jones]

Some of you don't have to give us all, because I know they're about.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will say one. And I'll tell you a story because I think it's actually salient to what I'm doing now. So I never thought of myself as a speaker. I never aspired to be a speaker. I was actually licensed into ministry when I was 17. I thought that I would just like teach Sunday school. You know, maybe I would like preach on you Sunday once a year or something, you know what I mean? Like that. That was my thought. It's just in a local church context. Well, I was working for a really large global company some years ago, and I was not hired as a spokesperson, but they. And I did a presentation internally. And one of the communications people saw it and they were like, you're a really good speaker, you know, you should be a spokesperson for the company. And I was like, okay, cool. And so they started to have me speak at conferences for the company, like conferences and events. And at first, like, my manager was like, you're doing such a great job. Apparently I was, because they sent me out more and more. But when performance review season came around, she was like, okay, you get an exceeds expectations rating for your work work, but we're going to have to shut down the speaking because you need to focus on your core work now. I was like, like, what is wrong? Am I doing something wrong? What's the problem? And she was like, no, it's just a distraction. So I went to the communications director and I was like, what? What happened? And she said, no, no, look. She came to me and basically said that she wants to be the spokesperson and she thinks that she should be doing it and not you. And so I remember when that happened, you talk about hurt, because I actually loved what I was doing. It was like for the first time, I was, you know, traveling, speaking. And I was so hurt that she could close that door. But even in that, God proved to me one of the first gifts that I talk about is that the gift of rejection positioned you for purpose. Because what happened was, you know, it got to the point I couldn't speak for the company, right. People were still emailing me, asking me to speak at conferences.

[Nona Jones]

Wow.

[Unknown]

And I told them, hey, I can't do it. I can't speak on the behalf of the company. And they were like, well, can you just speak as you you? And I was like, I don't think so. I was like. And so they were like, yeah, can you just speak as you and just come as Nona Jones? And I was like, well, let me ask. So I asked, and the communications director was like, well, yeah, if you don't use your title or the company name. You can do it. So here's the thing. When I was speaking for the company, I couldn't get paid. But when I started to speak as Nona Jones Incorporated, okay, I could get paid. And so it got to the place where I was making as much in speaking fees as my corporate salary.

[Nona Jones]

Wow.

[Unknown]

And from there, it's like doors kept opening. And first I was speaking, you know, corporate, then ministry doors started opening. Because I would always find a way to talk about my faith. I've always found a way to talk about Jesus, even in business, Right. So there would be someone like a pastor or someone in the audience who would just invite me to speak at a conference or a women's thing. And from that all those years ago, here I am today because of the door that she closed. If she had not closed that door, I would still be speaking for the company. I promise you.

[Megan Ashley]

Crazy.

[Unknown]

I promise you, I would not be doing this. So rejection positioned you for purpose. And so what I suggest in the book and what I tell people is when rejection happens, pray, lord, what are you positioning me for?

[Nona Jones]

That's good.

[Unknown]

And I even think about the conversation that we had, like, you know, early on when things were still going on, and it was like, okay, what is God positioning you for? Right? Like, this is not what you would have asked for. This is not what you would have wanted.

[Nona Jones]

Not at all.

[Unknown]

But obviously God is positioning you for something, and now look at what he has done. He has done something that you would never have done on your own, for yourself, at all. At all. But it took something that was so deeply painful. It took a bridge that was burned, Right? No, no, crier. I mean, everything. You know what I'm saying? For sure. But look where you are now. And it wouldn't have happened had it not been for rejection. So I believe that is a gift because I am literally sitting on this couch today because of rejection.

[Nona Jones]

That's why both of us ain't that crazy. Look at that.

[Unknown]

Look at that. Look at that.

[Megan Ashley]

So tell me. Before we wrap up, I have two things.

[Nona Jones]

One, I want you to tell me what you pray that people get after they read this. Like, what do you. What do you pray? The responses, personally. Like, that person that gets this book, that reads it. What do you want? What do you hope that they. That they get from this man?

[Unknown]

I pray they experience peace. Peace. Because rejection is going to happen. It just is. It's just life.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

But I pray that they experience peace in the pain.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Because that's possible. It's like, look, it's gonna happen.

[Nona Jones]

It is.

[Unknown]

But when it happens, can we access the peace of God in the pain? And Philippians 4. 6 tells us, Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God. Be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind through Christ Jesus. But what activates peace? It's the Thanksgiving. It's not the request.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

It's not making our request known. Yeah, it's Thanksgiving. So even in the midst of that rejection, when that pain happens, there is something that we can be grateful for.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And it's accessing that that's going to give us the peace that surpasses all understanding.

[Nona Jones]

That's good. At the end of every episode, I try to do journal prompts because, you know, I like to journal.

[Unknown]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Nona Jones]

Journaling is important to me. And so I always try to give a journal prompt to our audience. So what would be a good journal prompt after discussing rejection? And I'm sure there's so much from this episode that people are going to be enlightened to and more aware of. So what. What's a good way to kind of process this? What's a good journal prompt for them?

[Unknown]

So I talk in the book about what I call the open Framework, and that's how I encourage people to process rejection. And it's observe, pray, explore. Name. Name is name your next step. So once you process the pain, once you process the experience, you get the insight, and you kind of learn what it wants to teach you about yourself and others. You then have to name your next step. What are you going to do with what you have now figured out? I would encourage people to use that as a journal prompt. What is my next step in processing this pain? What do I need to change? What do I need to do differently?

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

As an example that I gave in the book, like, let's just say you didn't get invited to an event. Happens all the time.

[Nona Jones]

Right.

[Unknown]

You didn't get invited to an event. Well, there are some people who will be like, yes, because, you know, they don't want to be an event.

[Nona Jones]

I don't want to get dressed. No way.

[Unknown]

Right. I don't want to get. But there are other people who will be like, man, I really feel like I want it to go, okay, well, that just taught you that you value social connection.

[Nona Jones]

Okay.

[Unknown]

Since that taught you you valued social connection, maybe you need to Reach out to that person who's been like, hey, can we get together for lunch? But you haven't found the time to do it because you've been so focused on everything else. Everybody else.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Maybe your next step in that is to reach out to them and schedule lunch.

[Nona Jones]

That's good.

[Unknown]

You know, practical stuff. Just practical.

[Nona Jones]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Name your next step.

[Nona Jones]

I love that. Thank you for coming back. My first repeat. Oh, my God.

[Megan Ashley]

I didn't know that that was so special.

[Nona Jones]

I love it and I'm really excited for what this book is going to. To do for people because, like I said, that message, it changed so much in my life when I first heard you speak on rejection. So I just know that this book is going to be super impactful and powerful for so many people's lives. And I'm really excited and I'm grateful.

[Unknown]

Thank you for having me.

[Nona Jones]

I love you so much.

[Unknown]

And I love you, too. I'm just. I'm so proud of you. I know I said this the first time I was on, but I'm so proud of how God is using you. And the fact that you are stewarding this with humility means that he can continue to enlarge your territory because he can trust you. So just stay where you are, girl.

[Nona Jones]

Yes, ma'am. You remind me. You. I look. I'll be appreciating that you like, what. What do you need?

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Nona Jones]

What can I pray about? I'll just be appreciating that that makes me. That. That gives me a lot of security and encouragement. So I appreciate you and I love you so much. Thank you guys for watching another episode of In Totality. Make sure you check out Nona Jones book is coming out. The Gift of Rejection.

[Megan Ashley]

It is available October 1st.

[Unknown]

October 1st.

[Nona Jones]

Finally.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Nona Jones]

What are you gonna do afterwards?

[Megan Ashley]

Like, after you've been promoting this for.

[Nona Jones]

You're like, what are you gonna do? Are you on vacation? Go back to the Maldives?

[Unknown]

I wish, I wish, I wish.

[Nona Jones]

No, she has been on the road. You guys, listen, I'm gonna make sure to add this book. Y'all know I'm like the Christian Oprah out here.

[Unknown]

Come on. Christian Oprah.

[Nona Jones]

I'm like the Christian Oprah out here, but I'm going. This book is going to be a part of my Amazon storefront, so make sure you guys get it. Make sure you guys pre.

[Megan Ashley]

Is it.

[Nona Jones]

When is it pre sale? Oh, pre orders happen pre orders now.

[Unknown]

So you guys.

[Nona Jones]

Right now. Yeah.

[Megan Ashley]

Go pre order this book.

[Nona Jones]

It comes out again October 1st. Make sure you support this book. Is going to change so many people's lives.

[Megan Ashley]

And yeah, thanks for watching.

[Nona Jones]

Love you. See you next time.

[Megan Ashley]

Hey you guys, before you go, I.

[Nona Jones]

Just wanted to say how grateful I am for your love and support. If you've enjoyed enjoyed this episode, please take a moment and share it with a friend or a family member. If you could do me one huge favor, head over to Apple Podcast and leave a five star rating and a heartfelt review. It helps others just like you discover the podcast. You guys, let's continue to spread the inspiration. For more about me and the podcast, visit ww themaganashley.com until next time. Stay encouraged that you are so valued and so loved.