In Totality with Megan Ashley – Episode 67: The Ache and the Anchor

Release Date: April 22, 2025
Host: Megan Ashley
Podcast Description:
"In Totality," hosted by Megan Ashley, guides Christians toward living a life wholly devoted to God. Through vulnerability and transparency, Megan shares wisdom rooted in God's word, exploring themes like faith, prayer, obedience, and living out God's purpose. The podcast creates a safe space for listeners to reflect, grow, and draw closer to God, offering valuable insights and practical advice for both seasoned believers and those new to their spiritual journey.

Episode Overview: The Ache and the Anchor

In Episode 67, titled "The Ache and the Anchor," Megan Ashley delves deep into her personal journey with her son, Caleb, who was diagnosed with autism and Fragile X syndrome. This episode, released during Autism Awareness Month, combines Megan’s heartfelt narrative with profound reflections on grief, faith, and the Christian understanding of suffering.

1. Introduction and Intentions

Megan begins the episode by setting the stage for a deeply personal and sensitive conversation. She emphasizes her commitment to transparency and vulnerability, aiming to help listeners feel seen and supported in their own faith journeys.

Megan Ashley [01:03]: "I try to do a really good job at being transparent and vulnerable with this platform and using myself and the experiences and the lessons that I have learned to maybe help you feel more seen and help you navigate through your journey and your faith walk with the Lord."

She requests grace from her audience as she shares her most personal experiences, acknowledging the potential for divisive discussions but reaffirming her intent to provide hope and honesty.

2. Autism Awareness Month and Personal Journey

Megan highlights the significance of Autism Awareness Month, recognizing the daily challenges faced by individuals with autism and their families. She introduces her son, Caleb, diagnosed with autism at age two and later with Fragile X syndrome, adding complexity to their lives.

Megan Ashley [04:45]: "This child is different... I just knew that something was different about him."

3. Family Background and Initial Struggles

Megan shares her backstory, detailing her unplanned pregnancy with her first son, Eli, outside of marriage. Coming from a church background, she faced shame, ridicule, and disappointment from her community and loved ones.

Megan Ashley [07:20]: "I greatly grieved the Lord by stepping outside of his divine order."

Her longing for another child is rooted in a desire for redemption and restoring her relationship with God.

4. Caleb’s Diagnoses: Autism and Fragile X Syndrome

At age two, Caleb was diagnosed with autism, a neurological disorder affecting individuals differently across the spectrum. Megan describes the initial shock and confusion upon learning of the diagnosis, compounded by Caleb's later diagnosis of Fragile X syndrome—a genetic condition leading to intellectual disability.

Megan Ashley [17:35]: "When Dr. Robbins said autism, I don't really remember hearing anything else that he said. I just remember autism and it sounding like an echo in a hollow room."

The dual diagnoses introduced a profound grief, challenging Megan's faith and understanding of God's plan.

5. Grappling with Grief and Faith

Megan explores the concept of grief beyond just the loss of life, encompassing the loss of envisioned futures and the life Caleb was "supposed" to have. She defines grief as a natural response to significant loss or life changes, emphasizing its role in connecting individuals to God.

Megan Ashley [21:10]: "Grief is something that we all experience, right? Grief is something that I am learning that that connects us to God in a way that we can't experience in any other way outside of grief."

She recounts her deep anguish and questioning of God's intentions, feeling abandoned and punished by Him.

Megan Ashley [25:50]: "Why are you punishing me through this baby who had nothing to do with anything? You're causing him to suffer and I don't know why you're doing this."

6. Finding Solace in Scripture and Faith

Amidst her turmoil, Megan finds comfort in Scripture and the reaffirmation of God’s plans.

Megan Ashley [30:30]: "He knows the plans that I have for you... and you have to believe that I also know the plans for Caleb."

Drawing parallels to Biblical figures like Martin Luther and Paul, Megan emphasizes that trials and grief can deepen one's relationship with God and foster personal growth.

Megan Ashley [35:15]: "There is a fruit that we can only eat during grief that stores all the nourishment that we need that we can only have and only get in grief."

7. Practical Reflections and Lessons Learned

Megan reflects on her initial inability to grieve properly due to the overwhelming demands of her children's needs and the urgent interventions required for Caleb.

Megan Ashley [22:40]: "We just have to figure it out. And when your child gets diagnosed with autism, they are thrusting you into all the things."

She advises parents experiencing similar diagnoses to allow themselves time to grieve alongside addressing their child's needs.

Megan Ashley [24:05]: "Give yourself time to grieve and feel and process what is extremely painful and extremely complex and extremely hard to process and navigate through."

8. Encouraging Church Support and Inclusivity

Understanding the rising prevalence of autism, Megan challenges churches to become more accommodating and supportive of families with special needs children. She advocates for:

• Sensory-Friendly Services: Adjusting church environments to reduce sensory overload for children with autism.
• Resource Availability: Providing sensory headphones, special needs therapists, or volunteer support.
• Continuous Support: Ensuring that support extends beyond Autism Awareness Month.

Megan Ashley [58:40]: "Do you have a church and this isn't even crossed your mind, maybe it should. Should."

She calls for a collective Christian responsibility to embrace and support autistic families, fostering a more inclusive community.

9. Hope and Future Outlook

Despite the hardships, Megan expresses unwavering hope anchored in her faith. She highlights Caleb's achievements, defying medical expectations, and underscores the transformative power of enduring faith.

Megan Ashley [59:50]: "Caleb's had the same girlfriend for about four years now... he can point them out and say who they are."

Megan reiterates the Christian belief that while current circumstances are challenging, ultimate healing and restoration await in the divine plan.

Megan Ashley [61:20]: "I have to have faith that God is going to make all things new and that when we... there is no more crying, there will be no more grief."

10. Closing Encouragement and Prayer

Megan concludes the episode by offering prayers and encouragement to listeners grappling with similar struggles. She emphasizes the importance of community support, personal faith, and the presence of God amidst grief.

Megan Ashley [62:55]: "I pray that you know that you can have hope that it will not always be this way."

She extends a heartfelt blessing for continuous compassion, support, and recognition of autistic families within the church and broader community.

Notable Quotes

• Megan Ashley [21:10]: "Grief is something that we all experience... it connects us to God in a way that we can't experience in any other way outside of grief."

• Megan Ashley [30:30]: "He knows the plans that I have for you... and you have to believe that I also know the plans for Caleb."

• Megan Ashley [58:40]: "Do you have a church and this isn't even crossed your mind, maybe it should. Should."

• Megan Ashley [61:20]: "I have to have faith that God is going to make all things new and that when we... there is no more crying, there will be no more grief."

Conclusion

Episode 67 of "In Totality with Megan Ashley" is a profound exploration of grief, faith, and resilience in the face of her son Caleb’s autism and Fragile X syndrome diagnoses. Megan's candid storytelling offers solace and understanding to listeners navigating similar paths, while her call to action urges churches and communities to foster inclusivity and support. Through her journey, Megan exemplifies how faith can serve as both an anchor and a beacon of hope amidst life's most challenging moments.