Infamous Podcast Episode Summary: "Why Do Influencers Want To Be Trad Wives?"

Release Date: May 22, 2025
Hosts: Vanessa Grigoriadis, Natalie Robehmed, Monica Hesse
Produced by: Campside Media / Sony Music Entertainment

Introduction

In the latest episode of Infamous, titled "Why Do Influencers Want To Be Trad Wives?", hosts Vanessa Grigoriadis, Natalie Robehmed, and guest Monica Hesse delve deep into the burgeoning trend of "trad wives" dominating social media platforms. This episode explores the multifaceted phenomenon, its historical roots, cultural implications, and the personal and societal impacts of embracing traditional domestic roles in the modern era.

Defining the “Trad Wife” Phenomenon

Vanessa opens the discussion by referencing a previous story about a traditional wife on the Main Line, highlighting how contemporary "trad wives" differ from historical counterparts. She notes, “If you're on social media, you know that trad wives have basically eaten the Internet for the past year or two” (02:00).

Natalie Robehmed connects the dots between the story of Cami Verney—a non-influencer crafting a fantasy home life—and the widespread online depiction of trad wives, suggesting that Cami’s presentation mirrors the curated domestic bliss seen across social media.

Expert Insights: Monica Hesse on Trad Wives

To provide a comprehensive understanding, Monica Hesse, a Washington Post columnist specializing in gender studies, joins the conversation. She offers a nuanced definition:

“A trad wife is somebody who embraces the lifestyle of being a stay-at-home mom or a stay-at-home partner, but not just the duties of that, the kind of patriarchal history of that… it’s a flashback to the 1950s, both in terms of the aesthetics and the clothing and also in terms of the belief system.” (02:29)

Hesse emphasizes that while many women choose to be stay-at-home parents for modern reasons, trad wives specifically adopt a retro aesthetic and a belief system that reverts to traditional gender roles.

Historical Context and Evolution

Hesse provides a historical backdrop, tracing the concept back to the 1950s when societal norms predominantly placed women in domestic roles. She explains the cyclical nature of societal attitudes toward women's roles:

“By the time we get to the 80s and 90s, you know, women, you can have it all. You can be a man in the boardroom and you can, you can still have this at home.” (14:56)

The hosts discuss how this led to movements advocating for women’s rights and the backlash that birthed contemporary trends like the trad wife movement.

Modern Social Media Influence

The podcast examines how platforms like TikTok propel the trad wife aesthetic. Hesse highlights the intersection of various cultural niches, such as organic living and traditional homemaking:

“You see a lot of trad wife videos, not only of them… but also, like, my children wanted golden Grahams for breakfast. So here's what I did.” (05:26)

Natalie notes the predominance of white women in these portrayals and the pipeline from being a "stay-at-home girlfriend" to adopting the trad wife identity.

Cultural Overlaps and Influencer Examples

Hesse discusses the popular Instagram account Ballerina Farm, showcasing a seemingly rustic lifestyle supported by significant financial resources:

“She's wandering around barefoot… the kids fed and ready for school, which is in a little schoolhouse we have here on the farm… her husband is the heir to a kind of enormous fortune.” (06:29)

This example underscores the performative aspect of the trad wife lifestyle, questioning the authenticity behind the curated content.

Financial and Personal Implications

The conversation shifts to the economic and personal ramifications of embracing trad wife roles. Hesse raises critical questions about financial dependency and the sustainability of such arrangements:

“Do you have your own money? I don't want to sound like a, like a recruiter robot, but like, have you thought about how you would go back to work if you needed to?” (17:40)

Natalie echoes this concern, emphasizing the importance of financial independence and the potential vulnerabilities if relationships falter.

Societal Structures vs. Individual Choices

Hesse argues that the trad wife trend is, in part, a reaction to broader societal issues such as burnout from trying to "have it all." She connects this to historical movements and the current disillusionment with conventional success narratives:

“It's just throwing our hands up in the air, throwing their hands up in the air and saying, I'm opting out. I'm just rejecting…” (14:26)

Natalie adds that the inability to balance professional and domestic spheres has led to a resurgence in traditional roles as a perceived "life hack."

Potential Solutions and Societal Change

When asked about solutions, Hesse advocates for societal and governmental support rather than relying solely on household arrangements:

“We need paid parental leave not just for women, but I think we need equal parental leave for men too, so that they can become invested and trained in the domestic arts…” (15:03)

This, she suggests, would foster more equitable partnerships and alleviate the pressures that drive women toward trad wife identities.

Personal Narratives and Emotional Impacts

The hosts explore the emotional toll and personal challenges faced by those adopting trad wife roles. Hesse shares insights from popular media, such as the reality show The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, highlighting the hidden financial independence of some trad wives:

“There's an uncomfortable stare exchanged among the women… they have actually made successful businesses out of being trad wives.” (09:19)

This reveals the complex interplay between appearance and reality in maintaining traditional roles.

Positive Perspectives and Relationship Building

Shifting to a more hopeful tone, Natalie and Hesse discuss the importance of love and partnership despite the challenges associated with traditional roles. They interview Eliza Ben Shalom, a renowned matchmaker, who emphasizes rebuilding and finding healthy relationships post-heartbreak.

“Before somebody can move on, they need to rebuild.” (27:22)

This segment underscores the value of supportive relationships and personal growth in overcoming past relational traumas.

Conclusion

The episode concludes by acknowledging the allure of the trad wife aesthetic while critically examining its feasibility and implications. The hosts advocate for a balanced approach, emphasizing the need for societal support systems to enable truly equitable and fulfilling partnerships.

Natalie wraps up with a poignant observation:

“We've gone to college, we've done all the things we're supposed to do, and yet we're still struggling. And I don't know that that allows me to have a little bit more empathy because I don't blame anyone.” (22:33)

This sentiment encapsulates the episode’s central theme: the search for balance and authenticity in an evolving societal landscape.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• “A trad wife is somebody who embraces the lifestyle of being a stay at home mom or a stay at home partner, but not just the duties of that, the kind of patriarchal history of that.” – Monica Hesse (02:29)

• “We can have it all. You can be a man in the boardroom and you can, you can still have this at home.” – Monica Hesse (14:56)

• “Do you have your own money? Have you thought about how you would go back to work if you needed to?” – Monica Hesse (17:40)

• “I'm opting out. I'm just rejecting, I'm rejecting this concept totally.” – Monica Hesse (14:26)

• “We've gone to college, we've done all the things we're supposed to do, and yet we're still struggling.” – Natalie Robehmed (22:33)

This episode of Infamous skillfully navigates the complex terrain of traditional gender roles in contemporary society, offering listeners a blend of historical context, cultural analysis, and personal insights. By unpacking the allure and challenges of the trad wife phenomenon, the hosts encourage a deeper reflection on the evolving dynamics of modern relationships and societal expectations.