Loading summary
Transcript1 lines
- [00:00]
A
The rest of us got this exactly backwards. We assume the more successful you get, the less you need to be taught. So we slowly stop asking. We protect our ego. In rooms where we're supposed to know things, we get quiet exactly when we should be the loudest. The women at the top did the opposite, and that is the whole game. They know what they don't know, and they keep asking the questions to keep growing. Hey, it's Renee, and welcome to the into the Wild podcast. Each week I'll unravel growth, mindset, methods, authority building techniques, and the secrets to living an integrated life, plus chat with expert guests to teach you the fearlessness needed to step into your greatness. Are you ready for it? Let's get wild. This podcast is a Martell Media production. Hey, you wild thing. Welcome back to into the Wild. Oh, my gosh. I always get so excited to be on here, but today I am talking about and I'm still pinching myself in these moments of sheer gratitude, of being invited into the most magical rooms. My friend Jess Kuzweg and Natasha Willis hosted a CEO goddess gathering in Nashville the beginning of this month. So it was April, the time of this recording, and it was like a pinch me moment to be invited, but then to actually be in that room sitting next to some of the most exquisite human beings, these most magnetic women whom of which I've bought their books, I've studied their programs, I just could not believe it. I sat there and I quietly watched. Essentially, I felt like these are the people that I've watched in the cheap seats for years. I mean, like I've been the one in the cheap seats for years. And I've watched these women grow. These are the women who built things from scratch, the women who created entire categories, women whose names are synonymous with what's actually possible for the rest of us. And I left with a notebook full of observations I haven't been able to stop thinking about. And so today I want to talk and walk you through what I saw, because I think there's a story we keep telling ourselves about the women at the top, and most of it isn't true. Here's what I'm promising you. By the end of this episode, you're going to know exactly what separates the women who keep climbing from the women who stay kept. And it has very little to do with talent or hours worked or how much money they started with. It has everything to do with the room that you're in, the room that they're in, and the way that they think and the speed at which they move. I'm not pulling this from a podcast that I listened to or studied, something that I read or an audiobook that I listened to. I've been in a lot of rooms over 25 years of building businesses. I've been in the cheap ones and the elite ones and the inspirational ones and actually transformational ones. I've sold an agency I scaled to seven figures. I've produced a 350 plus woman event, having never produced one before, and learned the hard way which rooms you move forward in. And the rooms that quietly hold space for you are the game changer. And this particular weekend that I had in Nashville was the kind of room that rewires you in your sleep. I'm going to walk you through the 10 things that I noticed and then we'll talk about what this all means for you. Because the real question isn't what these women have. The real question is what room you're choosing to be in right now and whether it's the one that's going to take you where you say you want to go or it's going to hold you back. So grab a pen, get ready to take some notes. This one's going to be good. The 10 things I learned about being in this room in Nashville with the likes of women like Adley Kinsman, Maria Wendt, Stacy Tushel, Amy Porterfield, Jasmine Starr. Those are just some of the names. Every single woman like Jamie C, Kate Northrup, they all contributed in a way I never thought possible. Who was I to be invited to be in this room? What did I get from this room? I don't know. Selfishly, probably more than anybody else did. But it was an honor. And Here are the 10 things. Number one, doubt doesn't disappear at the top. You just stop letting it drive. The first thing that surprised me, and I want you to really sit with this, is that the doubt is still there. I sat across from a woman who is changing the industry and mid conversation she said something offhand about a launch she was nervous to do. Not performative vulnerability for the room, just genuine wrestling with it in real time. And something cracked open for me because if she still feels it, then doubt was never the thing keeping me from the next level. Doubt is actually just a soundtrack in everyone's lives. And we are, and I'm guilty of this too, treating it like a stop sign. The women at the top, they're not fearless. They're just trained. They feel the doubt. They name it as a normal part of being who they Are for a woman who keeps reaching for the next big thing and they keep moving forward anyway. Number two, even category creators let their emotions take the wheel sometimes. This one thing actually humbled me the most Because I've held the women I admire to a standard I don't even hold for myself. I assumed they were emotionally untouchable. They were bulletproof, somehow above the messiness that the rest of us live day in and day out. And they're not. I watched these women have hard moments over the weekend. A complicated text from home or a piece of feedback that landed sideways. You could see something heavy was sitting on them. They felt it fully. They're not robots and they're not pretending to be. That's what I loved about this room. The difference is they don't let one emotion run the next 48 hours of their business. They give it space, they process it and they make the decision the business actually needs. The emotion gets a seat at the table and it never gets the steering wheel. What I thought about these women before I actually got the honor of meeting some of them was that they never had these emotions. They were always level headed. They were always making the right decisions and hardly ever doubting themselves. And so it surprised me to be in that room listening that we're all still human and we all still have the same range of motions. Number three was the setbacks aren't problems. They've taken enough hits to know it's just part of the work. This is one thing that hit me the hardest because I think most of us are still treating setbacks like actual verdicts. A launch maybe underperforms and we spiral about whether we should even keep going or you launch something and no one buys it and we're like, we're stupid. A piece of content flops and we question our entire positioning inside that room. Setbacks were a non event. Not because they didn't sting or didn't keep you up at night. Sure, they still cry some tears, but because every woman in there has been hit enough times to know that it's part of the cost and the kind of business that they're actually building. It's what you have to do to me, to you, stuff like this. A setback feels like proof to them. A setback is the day before the comeback. Same data, completely different story and a completely different outcome for them because they have the balls. Number four is that they're coachable. Every single one of them. That's what got them there. They don't play the victim mentality. They get Feedback from the right people. They get the right advice from the right people, and they actually implement it. And this was the through line of the entire weekend. Every woman in that room, no matter how high she climbed, was the most coachable person at every table. One of the most accomplished women in the group asked a real question with humility in front of everyone. Not the kind where you're really showing off how much you already know. Just a real question about her own business. And the table didn't blink, because that's the standard. The rest of us got this exactly backwards. We assume the more successful you get, the less you need to be taught. So we slowly stop asking. We protect our ego. In rooms where we're supposed to know things, we get quiet exactly when we should be the loudest. The women at the top did the opposite, and that is the whole game. They know what they don't know, and they keep asking the questions to keep growing. Number five, speed is the difference. The faster you decide and move, the more likely you win. If you've listened to my episode, Ali Webb. One of the distinguishing things that allowed Ali Webb to sell dry bar for, like, $255 million was how fast she can make decisions in her business. So the thing I couldn't stop watching all weekend was just how fast these women decide by a lot. Not recklessly, but not even impulsively. Just faster than the rest of us. They go, yes, no, or, I'm going to ask my assistant to process this. They've built the muscle of moving information into action without sitting in the swirl for three weeks, if not months. Sure, there's a research on this. Like, leaders who decide faster outperform their peers, even when the decisions themselves aren't measurably better. Because every day that you're stuck deliberating is a day that business doesn't grow. The offer doesn't ship, the call doesn't get made. If you want to know what's actually keeping you stuck, look at the gap between the moment you knew what to do and the moment you actually did it. The gap is the rent you're paying to live at the current level. It's costing you more than you think. Make decisions fast. Trust yourself you're going to get it wrong. You're gonna get it wrong a lot, and that's okay. Most of the time, you can backtrack. Most of the time, you can convince them to change their minds, make the damn decision, and stick to the outcome of that decision. Number six, they don't think they're at the top. They're always reaching for the next thing. Like that just blew my mind. When I'm sitting there across from some incredible women that are pivoting in the industry. It's like they created the industry, that made them known for that industry and millions of dollars in the industry. And not because anything's wrong, but because they want to try a different path. Maybe because they're getting bored of the work they were doing. They understood there's an opportunity still to grow and be at the top. Not one woman in that room walked in like she had arrived. They were all hunting for the next level, the next stretch, the next room they hadn't earned access to yet. They were competing with their own ceiling and not comparing themselves to other people. And it reframes something for me because I think we have this idea that one day we'll hit a number or a milestone and finally feel done. But we won't. We won't ever feel done. The women that I admire most haven't earned the right to coast and decide to coast. They earn the right to coast and decided they'd rather keep climbing. And that's the part that I think is the most important thing for you to hear in this moment. The reaching is not a sign you haven't arrived. The reaching is the whole point of this. It's the life. It's like the reason for business, it's the reason for growth. There is no arrival. There's just the next thing you're brave enough to want. So when you get to the quote top, these women just understand there's a whole other mountain to conquer. And that's okay. It's the point. You never stop. Number seven. And the things I learned from these incredible women in Nashville is they give like crazy. Like crazy. Like access, advice, all this stuff. Usually locked behind a paywall. They give, give, give, give, give. The level of generosity in that room would have cost you or me five figures behind a paywall at least. And they were just giving it away casually. They were hand feeding their friends. They were spoon feeding these ideas to us and say, oh, here's free access to my portal, free access to my community. Here's a free reading, Here's a free resource. I wanted to help you do this. I'd love to help you get clarity around your messages, introductions to people most of us would spend a year trying to meet, tactical advice that could have been a paid consultation. There was no gatekeeping. There was none of that scarcity energy where you hoard what you know in case Sharing it makes you less valuable. They've already decided they're abundant, so the giving doesn't cost them anything. And that's what abundance actually looks like in practice. A woman so secure in her ability to keep building that she can give the playbook away, because the playbook is yesterday's homework and her power lives in what she's going to build next. And these women wanted to see every single person in that room thrive and grow. And sure, there were maybe some competitors in that room, but they never looked at each other as competition. They looked at each other as opportunity for growth, for expansion, and for giving. It is bonkers when you think you're in a room with these women that are making multi millions of dollars and they're giving away their stuff for free, maybe even to their competitors, because they believe in abundance so much. Number eight, they want to see you win more than you believe you can win yourself. That's not just networking or strategic generosity. That's a woman who has so deeply internalized the fact that another woman's win does not subtract from hers that she's actively rooting for you harder than you're rooting for yourself. And the reason most of us don't have that yet in our circles, in our friendships, in the rooms we're paying to be in, is because we're still operating on a scarcity model where someone else's win quietly threatens us. And that's not a them thing, that's a you thing. And that ceiling is the room. You can't break it from inside the room, reinforcing it. You have to leave. And so if you're stuck in this perpetual state of hating your competition and feeling so threatened because maybe somebody else is doing a similar event in your town, how dare you? That's not a them thing. That's a you thing. That's the work you gotta do. If you're triggered by competition. That is probably the deepest work you gotta do as a founder or CEO is not internalize that. Become so busy focused in your lane and building what you're doing that you don't even know what's happening outside that level of success. And that's what these women, they don't even pay attention to the news. They have perspectives and opinions on things, but they're not looking at their close competition and trying to calculate whether or not what they're doing is the same or trying to beat them. They are so focused and honed in on their vision and their North Star and their truth that the world could be melting around them. And they're like, nope, I know my work, I know my lane. Here we go. And that hyper focus is why they're successful. Number nine. Their circles are small but mighty. And I feel this one, this is the part I think will be the hardest for some of you to hear, because it was the hardest for me to really fully understand the friendship circles around these women are small, sometimes shockingly small for women with so much access. And it's not because they're cold or exclusive, which is what I thought originally. I'm like, how dare you get together and you don't invite other people in. It's because they have done the math on their time and energy and they have nothing left to spend on small talk. They have nothing to give for social climbers or relationships that drain more than they pour. They are quick to say no to people coming into their circle. These women, they're warm to everyone. They're gracious. There's no hierarchy, energy. They'll talk to anyone. But the inner circle, the people who get the late night text and the in the trenches voice notes. That group is so small, it's protected. Probably count these friendships on less than two hands and every woman in it is on board with each other's success. There's no quiet competition. There's no friend secretly hoping to stay where you are. That alone changes a woman because they keep their inner circles small. Number 10. They know nobody owes them anything and they don't owe anybody else. I want to be careful here because the sentences can land harder than I mean. It doesn't mean they're cold or transactional or absent for the people they love. It means they have stopped operating from the invisible economy of obligation that most people are drowning in. The economy where you say yes because you feel like you have to. Where you over deliver because you're scared of disappointing. Or you bend yourself around someone else's expectations because somewhere along the way you decided their comfort was your job. When you really know that nobody owes you anything, you stop waiting for the world to hand you what you've earned. You go and you get it. And when you really know you don't owe anybody else, in the way that's been weaponized against women, especially for generations, you stop spending your life paying back debts that were never yours to pay. So if you take one thing away from this conversation, let it be this. The women at the top aren't superhuman and they're not certain in some way you'll ever, never be. That makes sense. They're human the same way that you are. They have fears and doubts and fears of failures and shame and judgment, just like you and I do. The difference is they're in rooms that hold them to a standard they wouldn't hold themselves in private. And that standard, applied over years, is the thing that makes them the women you assume were born that way. Look around at what you're spending and who you're spending your time with. Who is in your DMs, who are you texting on a Sunday night when something hard is happening in your business, that's the ceiling you're building inside of whether you like it or not. If those women are still letting doubt drive, still treating setbacks like a verdict, still gatekeeping who they know, still operating from scarcity, that energy is shaping yours. You can love them, you can stay friends with them, you can wish them every good thing in the world while also knowing they might not be the person who will take you to the next version of yourself. The room is the work. The room is also the shortcut, if you'd let it be. So here's the question I want you to sit with this week. If everyone you spend time with this year stayed exactly where they are, would you be okay with the version of yourself you become? If your answer is anything other than yes, hear me on this. The next move isn't harder. It's not a harder push or a new strategy. It's a new room. And if you've been craving that kind of room, what I've been describing, the small, mighty, no small talk, no gatekeeping kind of room. That is exactly why I built the Pink Skirt summit. And it's happening July 9th and 10th in Kelowna, BC. And I want you there because some of these women that I'm talking about that I met in Nashville are speaking on stage. Adley Kinsman, Maria Went, Jen Gottlieb, and then other exquisite humans that weren't there. Lori Harder, Patrice Washington, Jen Pike. There are so many women. Go check them out. The Pink skirtproject. Com if you want instant information on this, go to Instagram and follow me. Reneewarren and DM me the word summit and I'll send you all the details. You don't have to keep doing this alone. There's a room for you, and it's closer than you think. And it is the reason why I created the Pink Skirt Summit, because I wanted to create an inclusive room where we get proximity and access to incredible energy and great talks and great speakers and so much possibility that didn't exist when I was starting out and I want that for you. Message me on Instagram Renee Underscore Warren the wordsummit and I will send you the details. Hope to see you there. Until next time sista. Peace out. Wait. Before you go to to support this show, please rate and review and share it with your business besties. It means the world to me to get this message in front of more women who are also on the pursuit of greatness. Tune in wherever you subscribe to podcasts, watch us on YouTube and follow me on Instagram. Reneewarren this show is produced in partnership with Martell. Sam.