Loading summary
Transcript1 lines
- [00:00]
A
If you've ever sent the text, fired off the email, or said something in the heat of the moment and right away wished you could take it back, this video is going to fix that. I'm going to show you how to be so calm in your reactions that it actually makes other people nervous. Not fake calm, but the kind that comes from understanding your own brain so well that nothing can hijack you in the moment. I used to react first and regret it later. Once I figured this all out, everything shifted. So let me show you exactly how it works, starting with how an emotion actually moves through your body. Hey, it's Renee. And welcome to into the Wild. Beginning with point number one, the 92nd rule. Dr. Jill Bolt Taylor, a brain scientist from Harvard, had a stroke at 37 and watched her own brain shut down in real time. She wrote about it in her book called My Stroke of Insight. She found that when something triggers you, the amygdala, the part of your brain that runs the fight or flight, lights up and dumps cortisol and adrenaline into your body. And that whole chemical surge lasts only 90 seconds. After that 90 seconds, the emotion is no longer the issue. The story you keep telling yourself about it is. The discomfort you sit in during those 90 seconds is the whole point. That's how you actually get through the emotion. But knowing the science isn't the same thing as living it. So here's why most people stay stuck. Which brings me to point number two. If you're reacting to everything, you're not really living. Most people, especially entrepreneurs, they're not living. They're reacting to every situation around them. The hater comment, the random email, or the bounced payment in their bank account. It's the reaction and the stress that causes dis ease and makes them snap on the people closest to them. And here's the thing. It's because the people that we love the most, that are closest to us, maybe our colleagues, our neighbors, our kids, if we react with them, we have this story we tell ourselves. Regardless of how we treat them, they'll still always be there for us. And that's really not the way we want to show up for the people we love the most. And this happens in business all the time, too. A couple months ago, we had spent, I don't know, the better part of an hour and a half capturing reels. And when we were done, we realized we had forgot to press record on the audio. And I looked at the clock and I realized I. I have 20 minutes left to do this work. And so I could have reacted in that moment. I said, Nope. Guys, 20 minutes. Let's go. Let's get this done now. We had spent an hour and a half rehearsing. We got it done in 20 minutes. Most people would have spent that 20 minutes reacting, getting mad, saying, did you follow the checklist? So when you actually take those couple seconds to feel the emotions and then realize you have one thing to do in that moment, for me, it was just sit down and record. Again, just being aware isn't going to regulate your nervous system. There's a step between knowing and changing, and that step is the pause. Here's the first shift you actually need to make. Stop calling yourself stressed. That's not what this is. You're stuck in reaction. Start naming it for what it actually is. The minute you know what it is, you can start doing something about it. And here's the thing. When you're constantly reacting, you can't actually see your business clearly. You can't tell where it's strong, where it's leaking, or where you should be focusing your time. That's exactly why I built the scaling structure stack worksheet. It gives you the clarity. Follow me on Instagram Renee Warren and DM me CEO, and I'll send it over. Now, I know this sounds great in theory, but you're probably wondering how you can apply this when you're in the heat of the moment. Which brings me to point number three, what calm actually looks like in real life. Calm isn't the absence of emotion. It's what you do with the emotion when it comes out. People who have mastered this, they look like they're operating on a completely different frequency. Because they are. It's not a personality trait. It's a trained response. And the people who do this well know that they have less than two minutes to feel the emotion and move on. Let me tell you a story about our world tour. My husband, Dan, love him to death, had been asking me for a decade if we could take the kids out of school and world school them. And I said, no, no, no, no, no. Until finally one day, I agreed. Long story short, I was traveling solo through a city to get to our destination. We were meeting him in another city. Well, as luck would have it, our very first flight of the 16 flights that we took in that world tour, was canceled. Very first flight. So sitting there on the plane on the tarmac, when they said, hey, we have to get a new plane, so everyone has to get off, I thought of this. Two things hit me. One is what a great Excuse to stop. I don't have to do this because the very first flight is canceled. This is God saying, don't do it. Or I could do one thing in that moment. The flight is canceled. We have to get to the next city. My kids are looking at me, our educators looking at me in that moment to make the decision. Less than 90 seconds. They said, what are we doing? And I said, we're gonna get off the plane and we're getting on the next flight. Like I said, it was such conviction that I actually believed it myself. But they believed it because of that. They were calm. Everyone was cool. There was no issue. And we did get on the next flight. There were four seats available on that next flight. And we got on it, the four of us. And I do believe it's because I stayed calm in that moment, just knowing I have one thing that I have to accomplish before anything else is get on that next flight. You see, the calmest person in the room isn't the one who doesn't have any feelings. They're the one who knows what to do with that feeling. Here's what to do when you feel that wave of emotion coming in. Pause, walk away. Take some deep breaths. Don't pass any shame or judgment. Your feeling is valid, but it's only valid for those 90 seconds after that. You need to move on. Name that the emotion is real. Say it out loud if you have to, sit in it, but don't stew in it. It's not going to help anybody if you stay stuck there. And here's why. This isn't just important to you. It's important to the people around you. Which brings me to point number four. Calm is contagious. The calmest people in the room can help bring down chaotic energy. This is why calm makes people nervous. Most rooms run on shared reaction. And the moment you stop participating, you become the one everyone else recalibrates to. You can't be a great leader, a great parent, or a great partner if you can't regulate your emotions first. Every level will ask more of you, and you can't avoid it. It's like those grueling mornings, you know, the shift when you have to bring the kids to school or to the bus stop. I'll never forget the morning when it was like, I don't know, two years ago. The boys were younger, and this was like the morning after. I asked them, hey, how can I be a better mother to you? And they said, just don't get angry at us. In the morning. I reflected on what that looked like. And I realized the mornings were always so chaotic. It was getting the lunchbox ready, the water bottles, hats, sunblock, you name it. And then getting the kids in the car to bring them to school, not be late. And that one morning I'll never forget, sitting in the car in the driveway, waiting for the boys to jump in, and we were already running behind, and I was gripping the steering wheel, and I was looking straight ahead. I was like, renee, you have to become the woman that can deal with this. You have to become the woman that can deal with this. And it was dealing with the chaos. So as I started to recalibrate and calm my nervous system, the boys got in the car. They were already waiting for me to unload on them, and I didn't. It was hard. It was so hard because I was so angry that they could have done this stuff the night before and got ready. So they sat there waiting for me to yell. And I said to them, what are you looking forward to the most today? They couldn't believe it. I will tell you, the energy in that car went straight to holy crap. You know what we did that morning? We created a playlist. We created a drive to school playlist on my account. And every morning we listened to those same songs. I'll never forget that. It's kind of like it unlocked the next version of us recalibrating together as a family. So here's how I think about all this. When someone challenges you or comes at you, you don't have to react in the moment. You can take a breath, process what they're actually saying, and even ask yourself what they might be going through. And then you respond from a totally different place, or you don't need to respond at all. And here's what you will realize very quickly, that the more you do this, the less reactive you will become. Which brings me to point number five in the pause, you choose who you are. One single pause changes one moment, but a thousand of them changes your entire life and your identity. Every time you choose, you become a slightly different version of you. Calmer, clearer, more creative, more present. The hard moments don't stop showing up. You just stop being knocked over by them over and over again. Let me tell you about a time that I got knocked over. I had my agency, I had my team, and I had a team member that was absolutely stellar. She was like the best performing person on the team. The problem was that she was toxic. And I kind of knew it, but I didn't. But I could see it. But I Was ignoring it, I was avoiding it. And I knew I had to let her go, but I didn't want to because she was doing great work. And so I always kept giving her the work that she wanted to do and removing the tasks that she hated to do to the point that where her entire workday was only stuff she loved to do. Not really fair to the team, not really fair to the stuff they had to work on that they didn't want to do. What example was I setting? And so I had to make a decision to dismiss her. And I did. And when I did, it wasn't a week later I get a phone call. Ring, ring, cell phone. Hello, is this Mrs. Renee Warren from Blah Blah Blah Company? And I said, yes, it is. And it was a representative of hers telling me that I'm being sued for wrongful dismissal. That is one of the hardest things I ever had to face as an employer, because the one thing that I do and I cherish the most is my team. That's why I didn't even sell my last agency, was because I was worried that the team wouldn't be happy. I was so triggered. I was so reactive to this. Sad, happy, angry, frustrated. All the emotions. I didn't even know what to do with them. I happened to be sitting with a friend, a colleague of mine, and he said, renee, calm down. There's one thing you need to do right now in this moment. You can cry about it later right now. And he told me what I needed to do. Here's what happens when you become reactive. You feel like the world is just closing in on you. You feel like no one gets you or you're all alone or you're not organized. But when you can think of one thing you need to do in that moment to save yourself, to save the moment, to save the situation, it kind of gets you out of it. So 90 seconds. Cool. Sent the email. We were on to the next thing. In that 90 seconds that nobody sees, no one sees that recalibration, you become the person everybody else gets to know. Now, here's how this actually becomes who you are. You stop counting the wins, Start counting those pauses. And every one of those are proof of your progress. Watch for the moments you would have reacted in the past and didn't. And that's evidence. Trust. The version of you you're becoming is showing up in every small decision. Here's a reminder. This isn't a tactic. It is the work. You can't grow into a version of you you're becoming without any of this. You don't need a new system. You need just 90 seconds and the willingness to work at it. You can't regulate your emotions. You can't regulate anything else. And this shows up everywhere in your relationships, your business, and in your leadership. And if your business has started to feel heavier than it should, follow me on Instagram. Reneewarren and DM me the word CEO. I'll send you the SK Healing Structure Stack worksheet. It's free. Wait. Before you go to support this show, please rate and review and share it with your business besties. It means the world to me to get this message in front of more women who are also on the pursuit of greatness. Tune in wherever you subscribe to podcasts, watch us on YouTube and follow me on Instagram. Reneewarren this show is produced in partnership with Martell Media. Sam.