It Could Happen Here — Cool Zone Media Book Club: Mutual Aid by Dean Spade, Part Two

Date: February 8, 2026
Host: Margaret Kiljoy

Episode Overview

This episode of Cool Zone Media's Book Club is the second part in a series unpacking Dean Spade's book Mutual Aid: Building Solidarity During This Crisis (and the Next). Host Margaret Kiljoy reads and discusses excerpts from the latter half of the book, offering listeners a digestible guide to effective and sustainable mutual aid organizing. The episode focuses on dangers and pitfalls facing mutual aid groups, organizational culture, consensus decision-making, burnout prevention, and the deeper philosophies of collective, participatory work.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Recap & Framing (02:41–05:17)

• Last episode reviewed Spade's definitions of mutual aid, its principles, and differences from charity/philanthropy.
• Main traits of mutual aid projects:
  • Meeting survival needs and building understanding about systemic causes.
  • Mobilizing people to build solidarity and movements.
  • Prioritizing participatory, collective action over waiting for “saviors.”

2. Dangers & Pitfalls of Mutual Aid (05:18–09:13)

• Four “dangerous tendencies” mutual aid groups can fall into:

  • Deservingness hierarchies: Replicating the charity model by deciding who is “worthy” of help (05:35).
  • Saviorism/Paternalism: Framing helping as “fixing” the needy, reinforcing superiority (05:58).
  • Co-optation: Becoming a patch for systems as the state/wealthy withdraw support (06:32).

    “If we don't design mutual aid projects with care, we can fit right into this conservative dream, becoming the people who can barely hold the threads of a survivable world together while the 1% extracts more and more.” – [Margaret/Dean, 06:36]

  • Collaboration with anti-public efforts: Replacing infrastructure rather than organizing for its improvement/expansion.

• Guiding questions for groups to self-assess:

  • Who controls the project and makes decisions?
  • Do funding constraints limit who can be helped?
  • What’s the group’s relationship to law enforcement?
  • Are stigmatized/vulnerable people being excluded?

3. “No Masters, No Flakes”: Building Sustainable Group Structures (11:52–20:00)

• Organizational problems to avoid:

  • Secretive or ambiguous decision-making and power concentration.
  • Overpromising/under-delivering due to ego or external pressure.
  • Scarcity and urgency mindsets leading to competition, burnout, and neglect of community needs.

• The importance of intentional group culture:

  • There’s no single way to “do group culture.”
  • Support, reliability, and flexibility should be balanced.
  • Quote:

    “Creating a group culture intentionally and having a shared vision about how we want it to be does not mean we all need to be just like each other.” – [Dean, 17:40]

• Mutual Aid Disaster Relief's Motto:

  • “No masters, no flakes”: Emphasizes both horizontal decision-making and dependability.
  • Accountability comes from wanting to be there, not from a boss.

4. Decision-Making: The Role of Consensus (20:01–25:57)

• Consensus decision-making as the gold standard for participatory groups.
  • Everyone has a say; “blocks” must be resolved before moving forward.
  • Encourages inclusivity, wisdom from all levels of experience, and collective buy-in.
  • Blocking should be rare; multiple meetings may be needed for big decisions.
  • Not every small decision needs to be made by the whole group (delegation is encouraged).
  • Benefits of consensus:
    1. Better decisions with more input.
    2. Stronger implementation—shared resolve.
    3. Greater retention and inclusion.
    4. Resistance to co-optation.
    5. Culture of valuing all participation.
  • Best facilitation practices:
    • Start/end on time, use clear agendas, rotate roles, encourage all voices, and create agreements for respectful interaction.

5. Leadership Redefined & Avoiding Burnout (28:48–39:30)

• Rethinking leadership:

  • True leadership is not seeking praise/status, but caring for a collective.
  • Striving for “ordinary” belonging, not fame or specialness.
  • Margaret’s commentary:

    “Having a fantasy of trying to be rich and famous is bad for you as an individual. Even if you're less concerned about the community, being more concerned about the community...is frankly better for you as an individual.” (Margaret, 30:15)

• Burnout—causes, symptoms, and solutions:

  • Often more connected to group conflict and disconnection than just overwork.
  • Symptoms: Resentment, competition, martyrdom, over-responsibility, flakiness, defensiveness, and withdrawal.
  • Preventing burnout:
    1. Prioritize and address internal group problems.
    2. Welcome and train new people to be co-leaders.
    3. Realistically assess workloads, enforce boundaries, and reject toxic heroism.
    4. Foster authentic connection—build group wellness traditions.
    5. Rotate facilitation and key roles.
    6. Name and discuss structural pressures causing overwork.

• Healing from overwork:

  • Seek supportive relationships for feedback and mutual growth.
  • Accept feedback as an investment in the group and oneself.
  • Personal healing is as vital as group tactics.
  • Self-care is not optional:

    “I need a healing path for myself if I want to be part of healing the world.” – [Dean, 46:45]

6. The Stakes and Call to Action (46:00–48:35)

• The magnitude and urgency of mutual aid work:

  “Everything is at stake and we are fighting for our lives. Mutual aid work plays an immediate role in helping us get through crises, but it also has the potential to build the skills and capacities we need for an entirely new way of living.” – [Dean, 46:08]

• Emphasizes both practical and systemic transformation through everyday collective care.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|-----------|-------| | 06:36 | Dean/Margaret (reading) | “If we don't design mutual aid projects with care, we can fit right into this conservative dream, becoming the people who can barely hold the threads of a survivable world together while the 1% extracts more and more while heroizing individual volunteers.” | | 17:40 | Dean | “Creating a group culture intentionally and having a shared vision about how we want it to be does not mean we all need to be just like each other.” | | 30:15 | Margaret | “Having a fantasy of trying to be rich and famous is bad for you as an individual...Being more concerned about the community...is frankly better for you as an individual.” | | 46:08 | Dean | “Everything is at stake and we are fighting for our lives. Mutual aid work plays an immediate role in helping us get through crises, but it also has the potential to build the skills and capacities we need for an entirely new way of living.” |

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Recap and context: 02:41–05:17
• Pitfalls in mutual aid (deservingness, saviorism, co-optation): 05:18–09:13
• Organizational tendencies, culture, and group structure: 11:52–20:00
• Consensus decision-making & facilitation: 20:01–25:57
• Leadership philosophy & individualism critique: 28:48–31:10
• Burnout and overwork: 31:11–46:00
• Final call to action and reflection: 46:00–48:35

Further Resources Mentioned

• Dean Spade’s bio: Professor, activist, podcast host, and author with extensive experience in queer, trans, and social justice organizing.
• Recommendation: Listeners are strongly encouraged to read the full book Mutual Aid for more practical charts, tools, and deep dives into topics only briefly covered.
• Related work: Margaret’s interviews with Dean on mutual aid and disaster preparedness available on the Live Like the World is Dying podcast.

Episode Tone & Style

Margaret’s reading is warm, thoughtful, and interspersed with personal reflections that reinforce Dean Spade’s core lessons. There’s a focus on practicality without losing sight of philosophy and vision. The episode aims to be both instructive and inviting for listeners who want to build or join mutual aid projects but may be hesitant or unsure where to start.

If you’re new to mutual aid or organizing spaces, this episode (and Dean Spade’s book) serve as both primer and masterclass—providing not just the “how,” but the “why” and “for whom”—urging sustained, self-aware, and collective commitment to a livable, just future.