CZM Book Club: Pathfinder: Dawn of the Frogs, Part Three

Summary

It Could Happen Here – CZM Book Club: Pathfinder: Dawn of the Frogs, Part Three

Date: November 16, 2025
Host & Players: Margaret Killjoy, Jason Bulman, Spite, Trant, Myrtie, Squash
Podcast Network: Cool Zone Media & iHeartPodcasts

---

Overview

This Book Club episode is the third part of a live-play Pathfinder 2e Revised campaign, “Dawn of the Frogs,” featuring both regular podcast cast members and Jason Bulman (Director of Games at Paizo, creator of Pathfinder). The session takes place in the swampy town of Bog Bottom following the group's recent triumph over villainous Boggards. The main focus here is a rescue-driven adventure as the characters try to save two villagers suffering from mysterious fungal poisoning.

Blending comedy, chaotic party energy, and creative roleplay with the rules and world of Pathfinder, this episode emphasizes both collaborative storytelling and tabletop shenanigans.

---

Main Characters & Players

• Margaret Killjoy (GM/Host): Narrator and coordinator.
• Jason Bulman (GM/Guest): Running the game, providing story and rules.
• Spite: (Revolutionary Melani worshipper, anti-cage crusader; played by Spite)
• Trant: (Explosives expert/“mad bomber”; played by Trant)
• Myrtie: (Sister Murdragona Bow, soup nun cleric; played by Myrtie)
• Squash: (Dog-person ex-bank-robber, recently rescued; played by Squash)

---

Key Discussion Points & Story Highlights

1. Recap and Introduction [04:19]

• Summary of last session: The party, stranded in Bog Bottom without money, rescued villagers from evil Boggards at a ruined mill, received loot, and enjoyed a hero's feast.
• Characters introduce themselves and recap their main quirks.
  • Spite: Fiercely anti-prison, with a penchant for hitting jailers.
    “I am very willing to hit people with spikes and stick until they stop putting people in cages.” [07:04]
  • Trant: Happy to blow things up when asked.
    “When you break into someone’s house and start setting off explosives... and everything ends well. And that’s the only moral lesson I need to take from this adventure.” [07:26]
  • Myrtie: Soup-powered healing.
    "Soup. That’s good stuff. I’m a soup nun..." [08:04]
  • Squash: Dog-person ex–bank-robber.
    "I'm a rowdy little dog man. I used to rob banks for the Revolution, a little bit for the Rev and a little bit for Daddy..." [08:21]

2. The Villagers' Ailment – Call to Action [08:39]

• Ledrusa (elven town healer) wakes the party:
  Halperin and Paneria (recently rescued) act strangely—obsessed with Boggards, amnesiac, wanting to return to captivity.
• Diagnosis:
  Ledrusa suspects a mind-altering fungus; needs rare ingredients for a cure.
• Party Comedy:
  • Wild, non-helpful solutions are proposed:
    • Fire, grenades, burning possible doppelgängers, and verifying identities via childhood trivia.
      “If someone’s not themselves, the best way to tell is by burning them, because that will burn away the false outer skin and reveal the true inner. Unless it’s just them, in which case they'll just get burned.” – Trant [14:59]
    • Myrtie suggests soup could work first:
      “Yeah, I hear you, but have you tried the soup?” – Myrtie [16:13]

3. Side Quests – Swamp Shopping & Gossip

Party splits to provision up before mushroom hunting:

A. Mudfly Supplies (Spite) [27:50]

• Spite buys swamp gear: waders, fishing nets, bug bombs, antidotes.
  "My plan is to leave here with a ridiculous amount of like, fishing nets...waders...I’m sort of in Pathfinder. I feel like a gold piece is worth a lot of money." [29:46]
• NPC Boggard shopkeeper hypes the importance of bait—eats it himself.
• Trant issues a nonsensical “bog survival guide” (short shorts, socks, no boots).

B. The Moss Pig Tavern (Myrtie & Spite) [32:11]

• Myrtie gathers rumors over turnips and mushroom soup.
• Local gossip: Water is rising more than usual (“Seems higher than normal” – Berna Cragborn, tavernkeeper [33:30]), hints of climate and environmental change.
• Swamp monster urban legend: Two Tusk, giant beast that drags travelers under (“…the terrifying swamp creature… size of a barge…many have lost their lives to Two Tusk…” – Berna [34:12])

C. Sinking Pony General Store (Squash & Trant) [36:19]

• Both stock up on bombs, alchemical fire, healing elixirs, oil, ceramic jug, and rope.
• Squash attempts to subtly score drugs, is rebuffed, but leaves with grog and other supplies.

---

4. Embarking on the Cure Hunt [45:39]

• Ladrusa provides a map and a barge: Party tasked with gathering three ingredients:
  • Lanternberries (faintly glowing berries on a hill)
  • Waning mushrooms (near a massive fallen tree)
  • Tomb flower petals (in a long-abandoned cemetery)
• Party chooses to head to the mushrooms first.

---

5. First Ingredient: Waning Mushrooms & Sentient Leshy Encounter [49:50]

• Colorful swamp imagery, vibrant with life.
• At the rotten tree, the party encounters Leathercap, a sentient fungus “Leshy” guardian.
  • Demands reason for harvesting kin.
  • Spite and Squash explain villagers need a cure; party offers to spread mushroom spores with future “corpses” as a trade.
    • “Oh, we do make a lot of corpses in our line of work.” – Squash [56:38]
• Diplomacy/favor system:
  Leathercap agrees, provided party warns townsfolk to stop casual mushroom harvesting. Spore samples are gifted in exchange for party promises.
  • “You would spread my kin?” – Leathercap [57:29]

---

6. Lanternberry Patch – Skill Checks & Deadly Combat [63:23]

• Myrtie expertly navigates to the glowing berry hill.
• Climbing, the party is ambushed by giant swamp flies (each 3–4 feet long).
  • Combat ensues:
    • Squash takes a critical hit, nearly killed in one bite (brought to dying 2 in Pathfinder terms).
      “Blood, spots, spatters everywhere. As the fly lands on your body to feast. Are you at zero?” – Jason [74:00]
    • Myrtie heroically heals Squash. Soup is again front and center.
    • Spite, wielding an improved Morningstar (with glued-on alchemist fire), lands a devastating critical, destroying a fly in an explosion of ichor.
      • "You slam the Morning Star right in the middle of that. The alchemist fire shatters and burns its wings...You do take one point of fire damage." – Jason [78:07]
    • Trant loads his shotgun with harvested fly chitin, in true mad bomber fashion.
    • Dead flies now host Leshy spores, via Squash's short shorts.
  • The post-combat mood is a mix of humor and mild horror as the party bandages up.

---

7. Berry Harvest and Discovery [91:43]

• Party safely picks the lanternberries for the cure.
• Bonus loot:
  • Find the skeleton of a past (unlucky) adventurer clutching a magical-looking scimitar.

---

8. Setup for Next Session and Ominous Hints [92:44]

• As dusk falls, the party prepares to seek tomb flowers in the old cemetery.
• Tension mounts:
  • “Somewhere out in the swamp, something is watching you.” [92:44]
  • Ominous references to Two Tusk, raising suspense for the next game night.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On party’s reckless logic:
  • "If someone's not themselves, the best way to tell is by burning them…Unless it's just them, in which case they'll just get burned."
    – Trant [14:59]
• Debate about healing powers:
  • “Yeah, I hear you, but have you tried the soup?”
    – Myrtie [16:13]
• Heroic moments:
  • “Blood, spots, spatters everywhere. As the fly lands on your body to feast. Are you at zero?”
    – Jason [74:00]
• After the devastating critical hit:
  • “I turn to Trant and give a big thumbs up. You are spattered just from top to bottom, boss.” – Spite/Jason [78:11]
• Swamp diplomacy:
  • “You would spread my kin?”
    – Leathercap [57:29]
• Chaotic energy:
  • “I cut my shorts even shorter and I hand them over to Leathercap.”
    – Squash [59:25]
• Foreshadowing danger:
  • “Somewhere out in the swamp, something is watching you. But that’s all we have time for here today, everybody.”
    – Jason [92:44]
• Meta-joke about future peril:
  • “If you come back next week, you’ll get to watch, I believe it’s called a TPK…just a terrible thing.” – Spite [93:35]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Recap, Character Intros: [04:19]–[08:39]
• The Villagers’ Ailment/Call to Adventure: [09:53]–[16:31]
• Town Shopping & Side Quests: [22:39]–[45:39]
• Setting Out (Raft Departure): [45:39]–[49:50]
• Leathercap Leshy Negotiation: [51:14]–[59:48]
• Lanternberry Patch Combat: [63:23]–[90:14]
• Aftermath, Dungeon Setup: [91:43]–[92:44]
• Closing Banter: [93:28]–End

---

Episode Tone & Style

Chaotic, witty, earnest, irreverent, cooperative.
The actual play is full of creative banter, genre-savvy jokes, anti-authoritarian humor, and slapstick party chaos. There’s mechanical crunch for tabletop fans, but it stays accessible and fun for newcomers.

---

Summary

This episode delivers a juicy mix of Pathfinder combat, roleplay, and anarchic teamwork. Listeners are treated to laugh-out-loud moments, heartfelt teamwork, and teases of greater danger—all without missing a beat (or a bowl of magical soup). With over-the-top personalities and clever use of game rules, the story sets up a tense cliffhanger as the party ventures deeper into the swamp’s creeping mystery… and perhaps toward their own doom.

Next time: Will the party brave the haunted cemetery? Will Two Tusk appear? Will the soup finally solve everything? Stay tuned for more Pathfinder mayhem.

---

Transcript

[Myrtie]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Ad Announcer 1]

Life gets messy spills, stains and kid chaos. But with anime, cleaning up is easy. Our sofas are fully machine washable inside and out, so you never have to stress about messes again. Made with liquid and stain resistant fabrics, that means fewer stains and more peace of mind. Designed for real life, our sofas feature changeable fabric covers allowing you to refresh your style anytime. Need flexibility? Our modular design lets you rearrange your sofa effortlessly. Perfect for cozy apartments or spacious homes. Plus, they're earth friendly and built to last. That's why over 200,000 happy customers have made the switch. Get early access to Black Friday pricing right now. Sofas start at just $699. Visit washablesofas.com now and bring home a sofa made for life. That's washablesofas.com offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

[Jason Bulman]

I turned off news altogether.

[Spite]

I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything.

[Jason Bulman]

It's the rage bait.

[Myrtie]

It feels like it's trying to divide people.

[Spite]

If we got clear facts, maybe we.

[Squash]

Can calm down a little.

[Jason Bulman]

NBC News brings you clear reporting. Let's meet at the Facts.

[Trant]

Let's move forward.

[Jason Bulman]

Forward from there.

[Trant]

NBC News Reporting for America, a Dudley.

[Ad Announcer 2]

Board certified ob, GYN and endocrinologist doctor, a naturopathic and licensed acupuncture doctor and a certified health coach Walk into a room. What do they talk about? GLP1, of course, but more specifically the difference between the synthetic version of your body's own hormone that are prescribed by doctors nationwide versus metabolism ignite product, which naturally increases your body's GLP1 by 55%. GLP1 slows digestion, leading to bloating and discomfort. Discomfort versus metabolism ignite, which supports your digestion and gut health. GLP1 side effects can lead to nausea, fatigue and muscle loss, whereas metabolism Ignite is powered by plants and there are no side effects. Some long term results of GLP1 links to weight gain after stopping the synthetic drug, which has been proven in multiple studies. In comparison to Metabolism Ignite, there is no weight regain and this product supports metabolic health. The prognosis these three medical practitioners all agree upon is visit verasityselfcare.com and receive 15% off your first purchase with promo code IHEART looking for a gift that's both magical and meaningful? The Story Dream Machine is perfect for birthdays, milestones and holidays. Each machine comes with three stories and even includes a white noise nightlight mode for bedtime. It's a beautiful way to introduce a new generation to the stories you loved growing up. Get this magical and meaningful gift for your little one today. Available at Walmart, Target, Amazon, Costco and LittleTykes.com bring story time to life with the story. Dream Machine.

[Spite]

Media Book Club. Book club. Book club.

[Trant]

Book club, Book clubs.

[Spite]

Hello and welcome to Cool Zone Media dawn of Frogs. The only dawn of Frogs where you don't have to do the reading because I play it for you with all my friends. That will make no sense if you're only listening to this and not the rest of Cool Zone Media Book Club, which is the feed that this one is in. Unless it's the future and it's in a different feed, I don't know what's going to happen. I'm wearing a very strange hat. I am your host, Margaret Killjoy, and we are doing tabletop role playing and we're specifically playing Pathfinder. We're playing Pathfinder, second edition revised for anyone who wants to nerd out about that kind of thing, which you should, because it's kind of my favorite tabletop role playing game. And I am very lucky because I'm joined by a bunch of my friends and also my friend who's the creator of the original Pathfinder and one of the people involved in the second edition revised, who's Jason, who I'm now going to hand it over to. Hi Jason.

[Jason Bulman]

Hi there everybody. I'm Jason Bulman. I'm the director of games at Paizo and I'm thrilled to kick off the third episode of dawn of the Frogs, our game night adventure. I hope you are all excited to for more fun here today. When we last left our intrepid band of adventurers, the four heroes found themselves in a tiny town called Bog Bottom on the north edge of the Isle of Cortos. After having been unceremoniously dumped on the shore by a captain because they had no coin in their purse whatsoever, you found yourself in this town desperate for a job, desperate for some action, desperate for some fun. When the townsfolk began to talk and murmur about a of their fellow townsfolk who had gone missing in the dark, dirty dank depths of the Dunmire Swamp, somewhere around the old mill. The four of you ventured out to this old mill to find its leaning, dilapidated structure sticking crookedly out of the swamp surface. You ventured inside, only to find it infested with beetles and a giant lizard. And upon reaching the top, you found that it had a pair of giant frog people. These creatures, known as Boggards, are a well known sight for those who live in the Dunmire Swamp. Most of them are peaceful, friendly, you know, swamp traders, merchants, people living their lives. But these two were not. They were holding a pair of villagers captive. And worse still, they were waiting to ambush the four of you. The battle was fierce. There were people falling through holes to the floor below. There were frogs running around trying to hit people with morning stars. And there was plenty of alchemist fire thrown about the room. But in the end, you managed to be victorious. And the four of you rescued a pair of villagers, one Halperin and Pineria, and you dragged their unconscious bodies back to town. There, in Bog Bottom, you received a hero's welcome, a feast, a celebration spontaneously thrown in your honor for rescuing these two. You also managed to recover a fair bit of loot, some of which you have already divvied up amongst you some magical weapons, including some scrolls and some potions and some bombs and all sorts of stuff, all sorts of goodies that you have already distributed amongst yourselves. But before we kick off today's story, why don't I throw it around the horn for everybody to introduce themselves briefly and their characters equally briefly. Spite, we'll start with you.

[Spite]

I'm Spite. I'm fresh from the creche of the revolutionary order that worships a God whose name I absolutely know, named Melani. And I feel very, very strongly that people should not be in cages. And I am very willing to hit people with spikes and stick until they stop putting people in cages.

[Jason Bulman]

That makes good sense. Trant, why don't you take next?

[Trant]

Well, I'm Trant. I'm an explosives aficionado and insurgent bomber. Some people call me a mad bomber, but I feel like I have a pretty good temper for the most part, and I more or less blow up whatever Spite says. It's okay to blow up. And right now I'm feeling pretty good because I think we all learned a valuable lesson, which is that when you break into someone's house and start setting off explosives and attacking people, and you wind up being a hero and everything ends well. And that's the only moral lesson I need to take from this adventure.

[Jason Bulman]

Boy, lessons are being learned, that's for sure. Murty, do you have a lesson to teach us?

[Myrtie]

Soup.

[Jason Bulman]

Oh, good.

[Myrtie]

That's good stuff. I'm Sister Murdragona Bow. I'm a soup nun, a half orc cleric. That's all you need to know. I got perpetual stew on a bindle, and it heals people.

[Jason Bulman]

And last but not least, squash what's up, gamers?

[Squash]

This is Squash here. I'm a rowdy little dog man. I used to rob banks for the Revolution, a little bit for the Rev and a little bit for Daddy. And then I got stitched up until my new best friends, they busted me out and here we are in Bog Bottom. It's a sword tail. You wouldn't be interested. Squash, that's me.

[Jason Bulman]

Well, I would hope that everyone's interested in our sword tale, because it continues right now. A larger meal and good night's rest cures most ailments. And so it is with the adventurers at the old mill yesterday, as the first rays of dawn creep across the Moss Pig. Bog Bottom's only in. There's an urgent knock at the door outside. Ladrusa, the town's healer, looking worried and rather exhausted, as if she did not sleep at all last night, impatiently waits for you to answer the door. Hurry, she says. Gather up your things. She goes on to explain, it's the villagers you rescued. They're awake, but they aren't acting as themselves. They want to go to the Boggards and they don't remember their lives in town here at all. And I fear if we don't cure them soon, they might forget us all forever. Ledrusa is knocking at each of your doors. Each one of you has your own room, I would assume. Or if you would like, you can rent the larger adventurer's suite in the Moss Pig. Guess we didn't figure that out. But you're all awoken by Ledrusa nonetheless and asked to come with her at your soonest convenience.

[Squash]

Squash definitely has his own room.

[Trant]

Trant's preference is probably gonna be to crash out in front of the doors of everyone else on a little cop on the ground.

[Jason Bulman]

So, like in the hallway or.

[Trant]

Yeah, like a dog?

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah, sure, okay, yeah, that tracks.

[Squash]

Both hands and a foot touching each of our doors. I like pull the door open just in a jockstrap and I say, halbren and Panaria, they're awake. And I like, rush down to go see what they have to say.

[Jason Bulman]

Yes, meet me at the House of rest as soon as you are ready. Ladrusa, who is a kind middle aged elven woman, she beckons you to come to this place, the House of Rest. It's actually where you took them last night when you arrived. You were asked to kind of help get them to this modest kind of house of healing in town.

[Spite]

Do you think it was the fault of the wheelbarrow? Do you think they were in the Wheelbarrow too long. I start looking to Myrtie and Trant and squash. Do you think that I didn't move the wheelbarrow over the path correctly and they maybe hit their heads and. Well, no, that doesn't make any sense, because could you imagine if we lived in a world where you went to bed injured and then you woke up still injured? That would be so terrible. What a terrible fantasy that would be. But we live in the real world.

[Squash]

Say that spite.

[Spite]

We live in the real world, so why aren't they better? I feel better. And I was hit by a lot of stuff last night. I'm worried about them. And then I start trying to say all this while also putting chainmail on, which is very hard to do with while talking.

[Trant]

Yeah, I mean, I got a medical theory here, which is like, you know, when people need to get up in the morning, they have a hot beverage, right?

[Spite]

Mm.

[Trant]

So maybe if we really need to wake people up, we need an even hotter thing.

[Squash]

Yeah.

[Spite]

You think it'd fire?

[Trant]

I'm thinking, like, maybe a grenade.

[Squash]

Yeah, I think you're cooking with gas.

[Jason Bulman]

The best part of waking up is alchemist fire in your pants.

[Myrtie]

I think we just give them some soup. They'll be fine. Soup heals all.

[Spite]

Well, we should get to the house of rest and hopefully that they got enough rest. Except what do we do if they've changed their personalities but they still genuinely want to go back there? Can we even tell them that they can't?

[Jason Bulman]

That's an interesting question. Funny you should mention it, actually. All of you, by the way, are fully healed and back to your full health and capacities like normal people. Yeah. But as you gather up your gear and make your way to the house of rest, it's literally you go downstairs in the moss pig and go outside. This is a swamp town, by the way, so all of the foot traffic and whatnot is generally on raised wooden walkways kind of above the swampy surface. Takes you just a minute or two to make your way over to the house of rest, and inside, you find Ledrusa in the main room of the place. There's a pair of cots there with halperin and paneria on the cots. And although they aren't exactly restrained, you do notice they have, like, heavy blankets and stuff on them, and they seem to be, like, trying to rise. And Ladrus is like, no, no, you're not well enough yet. Please, please just rest. And Ledrusa, she says, I'm glad you've come. It's. It's quite serious. If you'd like, I'd like to talk to you about it back in my office. And she walks back. Ledrusa has a couple assistants who are helping. And they're putting sponges on the foreheads of the pair of villagers. And although they are conscious now, they. They definitely look kind of feverish.

[Myrtie]

Yeah, I'll follow Ledrusa.

[Trant]

Yeah, I'll go in too.

[Jason Bulman]

Ladrusa escorts you back into her office. And she says, I've been treating them all night. And they only just roused a few hours ago. But almost immediately upon regaining their senses, they spoke only of the Boggards, and wishing to return to them, I tried to talk to them about their lives. I even considered summoning their family. But in their current state, I'm afraid that might be confusing or even frightening for their spouses and children. It is very troubling. And I also investigated that strange fungus you brought back that you found in the Boggard lair up in the mill. It is not entirely one that I'm aware of. It is very similar to some other funguses that I have seen that cause delusions and foggy memory.

[Squash]

Big raised eyebrows from squash on that. But I stay quiet.

[Jason Bulman]

I've managed to convince the pair of them to stay while they recover their strength, but I'm very worried. They don't seem to remember living in Bog Bottom at all.

[Spite]

Are you sure that they lived in Bog Bottom and these aren't maybe doppelgangers?

[Squash]

Are you sure that we don't have a. And there's a lit candle on our table that I pull underneath my chin? A body snatcher situation?

[Jason Bulman]

Well, I would certainly hope not. They seem to be the villagers we all know. They're still dressed in the clothes that they were seen in the day they went missing. There appear to be them. And all of my tests and care seems to be working. They seem to be human.

[Spite]

Trant once told me that body snatchers respond different to fire than regular people. And that the way to test. You know, now that I say this aloud, I think Trant was maybe incorrect.

[Trant]

I mean. No, no, no, definitely. Like, if someone's not themselves, the best way to tell is by burning them, because that will burn away the false outer skin and reveal the true inner. Unless it's just them, in which case they'll just get burned.

[Myrtie]

Well, speaking of skin, I like this fire idea, but maybe before we burn them, have we called in their identical twins to see if they have the same birthmarks?

[Trant]

You're right. We should be burning their twins first, what's the secret?

[Myrtie]

What did they get for their 12th birthday? Like, how much have we really investigated?

[Spite]

What was the name of their childhood pet?

[Squash]

What was the street they grew up on?

[Jason Bulman]

Ledrissa looks at all of your ideas, and she looks a little concerned about some of them, but says, well, perhaps we might try some of those. But I have another idea first. I believe that they have some sort of poison or toxin in their system that is clouding their minds. Now, I happen to know of a powerful alchemical palliative that will purge these toxins from their body, but unfortunately, I do not have the ingredients for them here. I was wondering if I could call upon you to aid us once again and retrieve the three ingredients that I need.

[Myrtie]

Yeah, I hear you, but have you tried the soup?

[Spite]

It is good soup.

[Jason Bulman]

I would be happy to feed them some of the soup that you have brought. I'd be happy to, but I also think that we should perhaps investigate finding these three ingredients. They would prove vital in attempting to purge them of these toxins.

[Spite]

It's like they're still in a cage and we need to get them out of the cage.

[Squash]

Well, I got some lysergic acid and some ergot fungus and some dilitha. I can never pronounce it.

[Jason Bulman]

You're the doctor, maybe. Are you a doctor?

[Squash]

Anyway, that'll probably cure him.

[Jason Bulman]

I'm afraid I'm unfamiliar with those ingredients, but what I am looking for are some ripe lantern berries. I could also use three pale, waning mushrooms and the petals from a tomb flower. Now, fortunately, I know where all of these ingredients can be found, but I myself must stay here to care for them. But if you could go and find these ingredients, I would be able to purge these toxins from their body and perhaps bring them to their senses.

[Squash]

Once Squash realizes these are like square chemicals, his frown is just like an upside down. Uh.

[Spite]

Okay, well, why don't we go get those? But I haven't eaten anything. Could I have some soup, Myrtie?

[Myrtie]

Sure can.

[Jason Bulman]

Yes, as a matter of fact, I shall draw you a map and arrange for you to have a raft. And perhaps while we're doing that, we can all enjoy some soup.

[Spite]

Oh, yeah.

[Squash]

Where's the soup today, Merdy?

[Myrtie]

Well, it's got a lot of lizard in it right now. I hope you like sweet and sour lizard soup. I don't know if I've said this into a mic. This is a perpetual stew that is kept alive by the members of my soup cult that has magical healing properties due to it being perpetual stew. I was wrong about food safety last time I said 165. Is the temperature real perpetual stew needs to be kept at 200 degrees minimum because boiling this one's fine.

[Squash]

That's just first day perpetual stew stuff.

[Ad Announcer 1]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Myrtie]

That's first day of perpetual stew school.

[Trant]

The one person who got deathly ill from taking your advice last time.

[Squash]

You goddamn you.

[Spite]

And is imprisoned from listening to your advice last time.

[Jason Bulman]

Your entire soup cult fell apart because of listeria.

[Squash]

Squash is lapping the soup up out of a bowl.

[Trant]

I'm drinking it out of one of my empty alchemist flasks and periodically reaching for the wrong one going, oh wait, no.

[Spite]

I'm just dipping my spoon that I keep on my belt into the main cauldron and just eating out of it.

[Myrtie]

I'm doing that. But with my soup ladle that I also fight with.

[Squash]

This ladle can do everything.

[Myrtie]

It sure can.

[Spite]

How's the map coming?

[Jason Bulman]

Ledrusa is preparing this map for you. She also explains that she can provide a barge for you to get around the swamp. The mill you were able to get to on foot. But if you're gonna go into the deeper swamp, you need to take a barge. Cause the vast expanses of the swamp are not traversable by land. And she says, well, I'm having one brought in for you. But most of them are in use right now. It'll take about an hour or so before it's ready. So if there's any last things you need to do around town, perhaps pick up some more provisions or ask around, you should do so now I have.

[Myrtie]

A last thing we need to do around town. Yeah, we gotta break for ads.

[Spite]

Yeah, we gotta go to the ads.

[Jason Bulman]

Woo.

[Spite]

The party barge is not free. You know the party barge that we're taking to get mushrooms? It costs money.

[Squash]

While we buy products in town, you buy products.

[Jason Bulman]

Buy some Soylent.

[Squash]

I don't know who advertises.

[Spite]

Probably why not? Here it is.

[Ad Announcer 1]

Time for a sofa upgrade. Introducing Annabe sofas. Where designer style meets budget friendly prices. Every Anibe sofa is modular allowing you to rearrange your space effortlessly. Perfect for both small and large spaces. Anibe is the only machine washable sofa inside and out. Say goodbye to stains and messes with liquid and stain resistant fabrics that make cleaning easy. Liquids simply slide right off. Designed for custom comfort, our high resilience foam lets you choose between a sink in feel or a supportive memory foam blend. Plus our pet friendly stain resistant fabrics ensure your sofa stays beautiful for years. Don't compromise with quality for price. Visit washablesofas.com to upgrade your living space.

[Spite]

Today.

[Ad Announcer 1]

Sofas start at just $699 with no risk returns and a 30 day money back guarantee. Get early access to Black Friday now. The biggest sale of the year can save you up to 60% off plus free shipping and free returns. Shop [e-mail] Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

[Ad Announcer 2]

Let's unpack The Myths Behind GLP1 Drugs Myth 1 GLP1 can be a long term solution for weight loss. True, they can. If you want to be on a drug that changes your body's natural instincts, GLP1 can fix your metabolism.

[Spite]

False.

[Ad Announcer 2]

GLP1s fix hunger and this leads to weight loss. Try the Natural GLP1 Therapy Metabolism Ignite. Get 15% off your first order with promo code [e-mail] V E R A C I T Y self care.com I.

[Myrtie]

Turned off news altogether.

[Spite]

I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything.

[Jason Bulman]

It's the rage bait.

[Myrtie]

It feels like it's trying to divide people.

[Spite]

We got clear facts. Maybe we could calm down a little.

[Jason Bulman]

NBC News brings you clear reporting. Let's meet at the Facts. Let's move forward from there.

[Trant]

NBC News reporting for America.

[Ad Announcer 3]

If you're looking for a gift that inspires confidence and adventure all year long, give them a Guardian bike. The number one kids bike. Easiest to learn on, safest to ride with USA made kid specific frames and patented safety technology. Kids are learning to ride in just one day. No training wheels needed. Guardian is America's favorite kids bike and the New York Times and Wirecutter's top pick three years in a row. This holiday season, Guardian is offering up to 40% in savings on all bikes plus $100 in free accessories. Shop [e-mail].

[Spite]

And we're back.

[Trant]

I'm just so proud of all of you. That was beautiful.

[Squash]

Thanks.

[Myrtie]

You've trained us well.

[Squash]

Yeah, yeah. We learned from the best.

[Jason Bulman]

Now in addition to those ads, I have several ads for places around town. There are in fact three places you may wish to visit.

[Spite]

Is one of them a casino?

[Jason Bulman]

I'm afraid not. There is no Bog Bottom casino, unfortunately.

[Myrtie]

Can we please take spite to the casino?

[Squash]

I'm walking down the street with Trant and I like pull on Trant's coat and I say hey, hey, hey bud. Look and there's a neon sign that says secret opium den. So you guys find us there three hours later. Anyway Jason, take it away.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah, yeah. You go into the Bog Bottom casino. Fucking four days later you come out, and they're like, the villagers left and everything's screwed now.

[Trant]

Thanks.

[Myrtie]

And we say four days. We thought it was two hours.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah. There's no clock in there? No. All right, so there are three places you may wish to visit around town. Pock Bottom is a very small place, to be clear. It's not exactly a large metropolitan community. In fact, you've really probably only got three places you want to visit. There's a place called Mudfly Supplies, and this is a shop that mostly caters to people venturing out in the swamp to do, like, fishing and gathering and stuff like that. There is the Moss Pig, the tavern and inn that you are staying in if you wanted to go get some food or perhaps hear local stories and get the kind of situation on the swamp. And then finally, there is a place, a small shop called the Sinking Pony that sells kind of generic goods and supplies.

[Myrtie]

Could I dance on the stage in my heels at the Sink Pony Club?

[Squash]

We're having fun here.

[Jason Bulman]

So those are the three places you have to visit for the sake of expediency. If folks want to visit some things, I'll let each one of you visit one of the places so two of you can visit at one place together or however you want to do it. Mudfly Supplies sells stuff for the swamp. Moss Pig is all about rumors, knowledge, getting some food, and Sinking Pony is more like generic supplies.

[Myrtie]

I want to go gossip at the kitchen of the Moss Pig.

[Spite]

I was thinking also about going to the Moss Pig because I spent all my money getting this new fancy rune put on my morning star.

[Jason Bulman]

Ah, yes. You took one of the runes from the weapon and had a transformation.

[Trant]

Yes, this rune. And there's a secret section function to the new Morningstar that I added. Now, it's pretty complicated, but what you're gonna want to do.

[Spite]

Is it the bottle that you taped to the tip?

[Trant]

Yeah. Well, it's a lot more complicated than just taping it. There was glue involved.

[Spite]

Oh, okay. But yes, yes, essentially, I'm excited.

[Jason Bulman]

By the way, Trant, can you please give me a craft check for your improvised explosive device? Sure Fire Morning star. Oh.

[Trant]

Oh, I got a 17.

[Spite]

Naturally.

[Jason Bulman]

Oh, no, it's great. Yeah, it's gonna work great. You're sure folks at home can't see my expression of uncertainty.

[Spite]

Anyway, you know, Trance has gotten me through a lot ever since we broke him out of jail, so I trust him implicitly.

[Trant]

Yeah, I trust me implicitly. Too, boss.

[Spite]

I trust most people implicitly. Unless they put people in cages, then I hit them with a stick.

[Jason Bulman]

That's fair. All right, so Spite and Murdy are gonna go to the Moss Pig. We got Mudfly supplies and the Sinking Pony.

[Squash]

I'm gonna go to the Sinking Pony because I need stuff there. And also a really good shop name. As a connoisseur of fantasy shop names, you knocked it out of the park, Jason.

[Spite]

I think I'm actually going to Mudfly. I think I realized that I'm like, well, what if we need waders? I'm actually really excited about getting the gear to go around. I've never been in the swamp before, so.

[Jason Bulman]

All right. So. So Spite's going to go to Mudfly. Sounds like Marty's gonna go to the Moss Pig. Squash is gonna go to Sinking Pony. Trent, you get to choose what place you're gonna double up at.

[Trant]

Sinking Pony. I gotta get some reagents to make more bombs.

[Spite]

I can't believe we're letting Squash and Trent go to the same place. I'm sure it'll be fine.

[Jason Bulman]

It's gonna be great.

[Squash]

What an opportunity.

[Trant]

Now, boss, before you go off to the reagent place, I'm an expert on bog survival. I haven't been to a bog, but I'm pretty sure I'm an expert. So you're gonna want high legged pants, like the shortest shorts that you can get, right? Really, really short shorts.

[Spite]

Okay.

[Trant]

And just socks. No boots. You know, if you have boots over your socks, then you're gonna get foot rot. But if you just keep putting on new dry socks over the wet socks, that's how you stay healthy in the bog. And that's about it. In terms of bog.

[Jason Bulman]

Trance just built different. Everybody okay?

[Squash]

That's all you need for the bog.

[Myrtie]

I put my hand on Spite's shoulder and say he's not technically wrong, but don't follow that advice.

[Spite]

Okay.

[Jason Bulman]

All right, so let's start this out at Mudfly Supplies. Spite, you make your way over to this wooden shack that sits near the swamp's edge. Atop the building is a large wooden fly that has been spattered with muddy moss. As you approach the shop, it's kind of. It's not really a shop you go into. It's more like a booth, kiosk kind of thing that you just walk up to.

[Spite]

Okay.

[Jason Bulman]

And sitting inside the place is a rather large and gregarious boggard who's like. And as you approach, he's like, hello, welcome to Mudfly Supplies. Hi.

[Spite]

I'M spite. I'm new to going around in swamps. We're going to be in a barge, which I'm really excited. I think it probably comes with a pole. I probably don't need a new pole. I think.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah, probably not.

[Spite]

What do you think we need for. I look around and look kind of. Is it just like waders and nets and.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah, it's stuff like nets and waders and he's got some other stuff too. He's got clearly some things behind him that looks like bombs or potions or something that you might want to ask about. But he's like, when you first ask, what would you need? He looks at you and says, bait. Bait. You want bait? And he holds up a sack of squiggling, worming bait, which he is also eating.

[Spite]

Okay, well, I'm not actually sure we're here to fish. We're actually here on kind of a scavenger hunt. And I'm sure it's going to be easy. I'm sure the only problem we'll have to deal with is flies. Except actually, now that I think about it, last time we went out, we had to fight a lot of people and objects, or not objects, but animals. But I guess. Well, if you think we need bait, then we probably need bait. But what's that stuff behind you?

[Jason Bulman]

The always need bait. And he's like his. His long tongue darts into the bag and pulls out and it's covered in like flies and worms.

[Spite]

To be clear, my plan is to leave here with a ridiculous amount of, like, fishing nets and like, especially like butterfly nets and like, waiters and like, I don't want to actually spend. I don't have that much money. I'm sort of in Pathfinder. I feel like a gold piece is worth a lot of money.

[Jason Bulman]

It is.

[Spite]

And so I'm planning on getting like a bunch of stuff we probably don't need that I'm willing to get upsold on.

[Jason Bulman]

So I will say this. One thing that I think we kind of glossed over at the end of the previous session is the townsfolk did actually give you a reward for saving the villagers. Oh, that was in addition to what you found. Everybody got 10 gold pieces.

[Spite]

Oh, I'm doing great.

[Jason Bulman]

So in addition to all of your money, you have 10 more gold to spend on stuff. Now, obviously you don't have to spend it all here at Mudfly Supplies. But he's like, well, if you're gonna deal with bugs, you want my bug bombs.

[Spite]

Oh, I bet our friends will be really excited about Bombs.

[Trant]

Now, I did send you off with a list. That's trance bog survival guide and creatures that are not in the swamp. It's just a list of everything that lives in a swamp. Different bugs.

[Jason Bulman]

So he's got these bug bombs that he's willing to sell for two gold each that make bugs sick. When you throw them, they make a pale blue smoke that makes bugs sick. Really good against bugs.

[Spite]

Well, I'll take two of those.

[Jason Bulman]

Those are two gold apiece.

[Spite]

Yeah. I'll take two bug bombs.

[Jason Bulman]

Also got antidotes if you get poisoned.

[Spite]

Okay. How much do those cost?

[Jason Bulman]

Three gold each.

[Spite]

Oh, this is going to get expensive. I was mostly hoping buying fishing gear and waders, but so a lot of.

[Jason Bulman]

The fishing gear and waders and stuff. If you want to say spend a gold on that, I will say you can come back with just an armful of fishing nets and waders and other nonsense.

[Spite]

I'm buy two antidote.

[Jason Bulman]

All right.

[Spite]

And I'm going to buy. I'm blowing all my money here.

[Jason Bulman]

Sure.

[Spite]

And I'm going to buy a gold's worth of fishing stuff and waders. And I'm absolutely walking back in the waders.

[Jason Bulman]

So. All right. You've got waders that come up to.

[Spite]

You know, about mid chest over my chainmail.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah, exactly. It's horrible.

[Trant]

Yeah.

[Jason Bulman]

Your arms are filled with nets. Inside the nets are like little like fly gauze and stuff. You know, stuff to prevent flies from getting in places and candles and all sorts of stuff.

[Spite]

Okay.

[Jason Bulman]

And in addition, you got two of these bug bombs and two antidotes. Okay.

[Spite]

That cost me a total of nine gold and I think I'm good.

[Jason Bulman]

All right. So at the moss pigmyrdy. So the moss pig is run by a family of dwarves. Mm. The owner and proprietor of this place is Berna Cragborn. She's very stern, but she's been very friendly to you and your fellow adventurers as you stay here. As you saddle up to the bar, she comes up and says, what can I get you? Would you like another pint of Mossy Stout?

[Myrtie]

It's 3pm why not?

[Trant]

Hey, it's 3:30 somewhere.

[Jason Bulman]

She pulls you off a pint of mossy stout and sets it down on the crooked, slightly warped bar. Says, I, I hear you're about to go out into the swamp on a barge.

[Myrtie]

Yeah, that's what they tell me.

[Jason Bulman]

Would you like some food and drink? I can pack you up a meal or two. No cost, no cost to the heroes of Bog bottom.

[Myrtie]

Yeah, I appreciate that, ma'. Am. Do you have anything that could go, you know, in a suit?

[Jason Bulman]

I've got a fair number of turnips and mushrooms.

[Myrtie]

Aw, that'll be perfect. Thank you. I take the vegetables and I start cutting them up on the bar and adding them into the bindle full of soup. Just there.

[Jason Bulman]

She's behind the bar, kind of cleaning out some glasses, using an old dish rag, and she's like, ah, the water seems higher again today. Shaking her head.

[Myrtie]

Oh, is it not usually this level?

[Jason Bulman]

It's been higher and higher for weeks now. Hmm. Soon we're all gonna be standing in it.

[Myrtie]

Yeah, that's true. Where I live, too. What do you think's going on? What are people saying?

[Jason Bulman]

Ah, there's lots of stories out about the swamp. I haven't heard many about the waters. Everyone in town, it's seasonal. It's fall. The waters rise and fall, so they say. I don't know, it seems higher than normal.

[Myrtie]

High water is the spring thing, no.

[Jason Bulman]

Mmm. Around here, it ends up being fall and spring. Our summers are low, the winters get cold, the waters get still.

[Myrtie]

Yeah, that makes sense. I buy that. What else do people say about the bog, though? You said they're stories. What should I be on the lookout for?

[Jason Bulman]

Ah, I wouldn't trouble you with them. You're going out in the bog. You don't need to be scared by any of my ghost stories.

[Myrtie]

No. Entertain me. It's fall. I'm a hero on a journey.

[Jason Bulman]

Do you have diploma?

[Myrtie]

Sure do.

[Jason Bulman]

Give me a diplomacy check.

[Myrtie]

All right, Jason. Well, that was an 8 on the die, but plus my 5 diplomacy modifier is 13.

[Jason Bulman]

Ah, well, I'll tell you a bit. Just a bit, though. I don't want to scare you. You need to keep your mind focused. You don't need to be thinking about the Legend of Two Tusk, the terrifying swamp creature said to dwell in these parts. Massive, it is the size of a barge. Come up out of the deep and pull you down into the slimy depths. Many have lost their lives to Two Tusks, including a knife fighter who came to town about a year ago, bragged he was going to track down a monster and kill it with his magic dagger. But he was never seen again.

[Myrtie]

I would like to act appropriately terrifying based on what I think that this bar wench would like. If I can tell that she wants me to look scared because she's doing a good job telling the story, I'll look scared. But if she doesn't want me to be scared, I will be like, no, I can handle it.

[Jason Bulman]

She's generally trying to tell a good tale, and you notice that as you're doing it, she, like, grabs your mug and refills it and puts it back in front of you.

[Myrtie]

I'll ham it up.

[Jason Bulman]

I'm like, oh, all right.

[Myrtie]

A nasty, nasty beast.

[Jason Bulman]

As she wraps up her story, you notice several other guests come in, and Berna goes off to serve them food and drinks. And your time is running short, so we'll call it good there at the Moss Pig. Unless there's something else you wanted to get.

[Myrtie]

I've got rations, I've got gossip. I think we can move on.

[Jason Bulman]

All right. The Sinking Pony. The sign for this small shop is a pony neck deep in the swamp muck that oddly fills both of you with a strange sort of melancholy. Anyway, the human shopkeeper is Alevina Etrigan, and their shop carries a variety of useful items. You see things like bullseye lanterns and rope and torches. It's kind of a place that sells kind of generic adventuring gear. Alevina looks at you as you enter and says, is there anything I can help you with?

[Squash]

I put my forearm right on the bar and I say, hello, Alevina. Yes, you can, but ask my friend Trant first.

[Trant]

Yeah, I'm just looking for about 6,000 pounds of ammonium nitrate, the largest carriage you have, and a map to the nearest government building.

[Spite]

Ah, Spike's fine with this.

[Jason Bulman]

That sounds like the sort of activity you might want to engage over in Absalom, but out here in Bonk Bottom, we don't have that sort of material. I do have alchemist fire, though, if you're interested in that.

[Trant]

Do you have any other things that I can throw? Like, you know, acid or electrocution or any other kind of throwable explosive damage doing things for self defense?

[Jason Bulman]

I do have two acid flasks, if you're interested in those as well.

[Trant]

Yeah, I'll take some acid.

[Jason Bulman]

So the acid flasks are three gold, the lesser acid flasks and lesser alchemist fire. Got both those for three gold each.

[Trant]

Okay, I'll take two of those.

[Squash]

Is Elevina keeping this under the bar, or is it sort of like in the back? More secured.

[Spite]

Oh, God. Are we gonna have to run out of town?

[Trant]

Oh, yeah.

[Spite]

What are you talking about?

[Jason Bulman]

If you're wondering if this appears that Elvina is selling you contraband. They are not. I mean, there's weapons for sale here, too. As it turns out, when you live in a world with dragons and skeletons and, you know, terrifying monsters that crawl out of the dark places, to eat you.

[Squash]

We also live in a world with skeletons, and I've been saying we need a lot more bombs.

[Jason Bulman]

But anyway, there's a lot of terrifying things in a lot of worlds, and many of them could be solved with bombs anyway.

[Squash]

So scary. Everywhere I look at Elovina direct in the eyes, I'm really barreling Elovina, and I say, I would love some alchemist's fire.

[Jason Bulman]

I'd be happy to sell you some.

[Squash]

But also. Wait, And I see that that's not translating. So I look between Trant and Elovina and I say, are you guys friends of Jerry?

[Jason Bulman]

What do you mean by that?

[Trant]

No.

[Squash]

Okay, no big deal. I'll just take some alchemist fire. But I want to look at the chemicals at the walls and see if there's stuff I can make drugs out.

[Jason Bulman]

Of that you don't see here, but you do actually see some minor elixirs of life. These are the healing potions that you already have two of. They do have some more of those.

[Squash]

I can make that work.

[Jason Bulman]

While they won't get you high, they will get you healthy.

[Squash]

Not the way I take them, buddy. I'll take two elixirs of life and two. Wait, how much are they?

[Jason Bulman]

The elixirs are three gold as well.

[Squash]

So two Alchemist's fire and two elixirs of life is exactly the amount of gold I got, right?

[Jason Bulman]

Yep.

[Squash]

I'll take them, please.

[Trant]

And then I just wanted to fill up my reagents. I'm not sure how much I used in terms of money, but.

[Jason Bulman]

So the great thing about being an alchemist is that refilling up your reagents is actually something. You did this. You kind of got up and while just kind of wandering around town, you literally just scavenge the components you need, because they're really kind of everywhere.

[Trant]

What do you have in the way of gunpowder, Firearms, ammunition? Any of that?

[Jason Bulman]

Nah, they don't have any of that here at the Sinking Pony. For that, you'd probably want to go to a bigger city like Absalom.

[Trant]

What else do you guys sell? What do you got that might be useful for heading into the swamp to do Abide by the law, the local and federal laws. You have anything else you recommend here.

[Jason Bulman]

Like bullseye lanterns, pints of oil, rope torches?

[Trant]

How much are these pints of oil?

[Jason Bulman]

Pints of oil are just a copper apiece. I mean, they're pretty cheap. But mind you, a pint of oil is not nearly as explosive as, say, alchemist fire. It'd be like trying to Light cooking oil on fire.

[Trant]

Okay. I'm gonna get 10 pints of oil.

[Jason Bulman]

You clear out.

[Trant]

Is there like a big cooking pot?

[Jason Bulman]

They don't have a cooking pot here. No, no.

[Trant]

Okay. Any large ceramic pot, any kind of container.

[Jason Bulman]

They do have a ceramic jug.

[Trant]

Okay, I'm gonna get that ceramic jug.

[Jason Bulman]

Okay.

[Spite]

This is gonna go great.

[Trant]

Is there like glue or something?

[Jason Bulman]

I know where this is going. Sure.

[Trant]

Yeah.

[Jason Bulman]

Would you like a fuse as well?

[Trant]

If you've got fuses, yes.

[Jason Bulman]

They do have rope.

[Trant]

I'll take some of that too. Okay.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah, yeah. Great.

[Trant]

I'm feeling pretty equipped that now. All right.

[Jason Bulman]

Okay.

[Spite]

So we're taking out two tusks.

[Squash]

I'm looking around on the shelves and I'm saying like, oh, wow, you got a lot of, got a lot of beautiful chemicals out here. Gorgeous chemicals, sexy chemicals out here. And I raised my eyebrows. But you know, I'm trying to get a little, you know, these frogs out there, I tell you, they hit me with their wavy gravy and I'm just looking for a little something to even me out. Catch my drift? Elevina, Wink.

[Jason Bulman]

Elevina looks at you like, I don't, I don't know what you mean.

[Squash]

Oh, Elavina, come on. I know you're cool and I just say, okay, I'll just take a bit of. What do you got there? Everclear.

[Jason Bulman]

They do have like, you know, grog, basically, you know, watered down rumors.

[Squash]

Give me a growler of grog.

[Jason Bulman]

Sure. Grr. Alright, so everybody does their shopping.

[Myrtie]

You know, who else can do shopping?

[Spite]

Wait, is it time? It is time. It's time for ads.

[Squash]

It's time.

[Trant]

Hooray.

[Spite]

We get to sandwich the shopping with shopping.

[Ad Announcer 1]

Time for a sofa upgrade. Introducing Anabe sofas where designer style meets budget friendly prices. Every anibe sofa is modular, allowing you to rearrange your space effortlessly. Perfect for both small and large spaces. Annabe is the only machine washable sofa inside and out. Say goodbye to stains and messes with liquid and stain resistant fabrics that make cleaning easy. Liquids simply slide right off. Designed for custom comfort, our high resilience foam lets you choose between a sink in feel or a supportive memory foam blend. Plus our pet friendly stain resistant fabrics ensure your sofa stays beautiful for years. Don't compromise quality for price. Visit washablesofas.com to upgrade your living space. Today sofas start at just $699 with no risk returns and a 30 day money back guarantee. Get early access to Black Friday now. The biggest sale of the year can save you up to 60% off plus free shipping and free returns. Shop now at washablesofas.com offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

[Ad Announcer 2]

Let's take a minute to unpack the myths behind GLP1. Drugs GLP1 is a long term solution for weight loss true GLP1 can potentially be a long term solution for weight loss. If you want to be on a drug that changes your body's natural instincts, GLP1 can fix your metabolism. FALSE GLP1s fix hunger and this leads to weight loss. But the GLP1s may actually slow down your metabolic rate as your body adjusts Adjust to consuming fewer calories. GLP1 leads to a loss of muscle mass True GLP1 can lead to a loss of muscle mass due to losing weight so rapidly that your body is pulling from both fat and muscle to make up for the energy gap from consuming so few calories. If you're looking for a natural GLP1 therapy without the needles, consider Metabolism Ignite. Metabolism Ignite is powered by plants and can help boost your natural GLP1, helping you burn fat in the instead of muscle. Clinically proven to help you lose £9 in 90 days. Visit veracityselfcare.com and receive 15% off your first purchase with promo code iHeart.

[Jason Bulman]

I turned off news altogether.

[Spite]

I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything.

[Jason Bulman]

It's the rage bait.

[Myrtie]

It feels like it's trying to divide people.

[Spite]

We got clear facts.

[Squash]

Maybe we can calm down a little.

[Jason Bulman]

NBC News brings you clear reporting. Let's meet at the Facts. Let's move forward from there.

[Trant]

NBC News Reporting for America.

[Ad Announcer 3]

If you're looking for a gift that inspires confidence and adventure all year long, give them a Guardian bike. The number one kids bike. Easiest to learn on, safest to ride with. USA Made Kid Specific frames and patent patented safety technology. Kids are learning to ride in just one day. No training wheels needed. Guardian is America's favorite kids bike and the New York Times and Wirecutters top pick three years in a row. This holiday season, Guardian is offering up to 40% in savings on all bikes plus $100 in free accessories. Shop [e-mail].

[Spite]

And we're back.

[Jason Bulman]

As a busy morning of preparation ends. Ladrusa approaches with a hopeful look on her face. I've secured a small barge to help you get around the swamp. If you leave now, you should be able to gather all three ingredients and be back by nightfall. I've drawn up a map that shows you where you might find the necessary ingredients. Hopefully the swamp doesn't give you too much trouble with that. She hands you a rolled up map and walks you to the dock where the barge awaits. So at this point in time, unlike our previous adventure where you kind of had to, you know, kind of experience things in the order that they came, in this one you do have three locations that you've been asked to visit. You've been told to go find some lantern berries which are kind of circled on one part of this map. You've got this kind of map of the swamp which has bog bottom kind of on the bottom. And then out in the swamp itself, you've got three locations circled. So the lanternberries are on there. There's also another location where the waning mushrooms are located. That one's not too far away. And then there is one final location which is circled and it says Tomb Flowers. And it appears that it's drawn around what looks like it might have at one point in time been a cemetery. So as you hop on the raft and begin making your way out into the Dunmire swamp, where do you want to go to first?

[Spite]

Mushrooms is closest, right?

[Jason Bulman]

It did look a little closer than the others. I mean, they're all relatively equidistant away, but yeah, you could go to Mushrooms first.

[Myrtie]

Seems like a fine enough place to start.

[Spite]

All right, as we get onto the barge, I drop a ridiculous number of nets and waders and all the things that anyone could need, and I point to my own waders and say, you probably want these. And then I pick up the pole and I start poling our way. It's a pole barge, I assume?

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah, it is. Yeah, you're gonna have to pull your way through the swamp.

[Trant]

What's with all this desert gear that you brought here.

[Spite]

Trent? I'm beginning to think that you might be incapable of determining one biome from another.

[Trant]

Well, I do have swamp blindness.

[Spite]

Ah. A common ailment.

[Jason Bulman]

Trent's been consuming too many of their own reagents.

[Myrtie]

They do say that deserts are the swamps of the sand.

[Squash]

So spite has made her haters her waiters, you know, and the swamp of success. And I laugh and I lay down on the raft.

[Trant]

All right, so I was just gonna make a comment about the nets and say, you know, boss, you look like a real Netanyahu.

[Jason Bulman]

Alright, you proud of that one?

[Trant]

I'm really not.

[Squash]

Editor, turn that up.

[Trant]

Can you make that one funny?

[Spite]

All right, I start pull our way to mushroom town.

[Jason Bulman]

All right.

[Myrtie]

Yeah, I'm gonna put on My waders and explain about the two fanged monster. That's why I'm putting on my waiters.

[Spite]

Two fanged monster.

[Jason Bulman]

So you all hear the tale of Two Tusk as you begin pulling your way into the swamp. Now, unlike, you know, most images of a swamp as being kind of gray and dour, the Dunmire is actually rather colorful. The greens are very vibrant. This is a very active, living swamp. There's lots of colorful mushrooms and fungus growing on things. There are iridescent insects buzzing around and making the whole place almost feel rather vibrant and alive. Polling between the locations is slow going work, to say the least. It does take you a few hours to make your way to the first spot. But before you get there, let's see if you can navigate these swamps carefully and simply. Do any of you have survival?

[Trant]

I think I do, actually.

[Myrtie]

Yes. I have a seven.

[Jason Bulman]

Seven is very good. That's probably the best in the group, I would guess.

[Trant]

I have a two, so I'm not.

[Jason Bulman]

The best in the group. Yeah, so my. You're probably the best one to be reading the map and guiding the raft along. So, Marty, why don't you give me a survival skill check?

[Myrtie]

All right, that was a 10. So 17 after my bonus.

[Jason Bulman]

No problem. You make it there in pretty good time. That is a success. And after about two hours of pulling through the swamp, you make your way.

[Spite]

I do take breaks to catch. I have butterfly nets. I do catch several of these iridescent bugs and put them in jars.

[Jason Bulman]

It's a lot of dragonflies, some larger, just kind of beetles.

[Squash]

Putting dragonflies in prison.

[Spite]

As soon as the squash says that they're in prison, I let all of them go. And I look shamefully at my feet.

[Squash]

It's like, oh, jeez, I'm sorry, guy. I know you were just doing nature checks and stuff. And I like, reach up as far as I can go to rub your shoulders.

[Trant]

I'm sorry.

[Squash]

I'm sorry.

[Trant]

Trant is just eyeing the jar you were using as the prison and then looking back to his explosives and then looking back to the jar.

[Spite]

All right, and then we make it.

[Squash]

And we're there.

[Jason Bulman]

So you do make it to where you're going. I'm getting everything set up here. You all should be able to see everything. It'll be kind of going towards the bottom of the page.

[Spite]

Wow, it's so iridescent. It's just like the stage design in that play that I saw called Annihilation.

[Jason Bulman]

The barge coasts up to a small island. The huge trunk of a Rotten tree looms ahead. The wooden behemoth lost its crown and most of its branches long ago, likely from a lightning strike. Now it leans precariously to one side, covered in mushrooms with a distinctive black cap and white rim, making them look like waning moons. These match the description Ledrusa gave you for one of the ingredients that she needs.

[Myrtie]

I'd love to harvest those mushies.

[Spite]

I stand guard with Morningstar out and shield, and I say, I don't know if I trust the.

[Squash]

The swamp squash does the keep on truck and walk and just walks directly up to the mushrooms and starts chopping them on down.

[Jason Bulman]

So as you make your way up to the tree, axe in tow, some of the mushrooms begin to move. In fact, what the. Some of the mushrooms aren't attached to the tree at all. As a matter of fact, they seem to be an entire body made up of fungus. This creature steps forward, its body made entirely of fungus and mushroom material. And it has this kind of broad head that is a large mushroom cap. Directly underneath the rim are kind of bulbous eyes that appear to be made out of fungus material, surrounded by fronds of fungus material that kind of writhe and shake as the thing before you begins to speak. I am Leathercap. Who are you and what do you want with my kin? They say in a low and ponderous voice.

[Trant]

Boss, I think that's some sort of dire elephant.

[Spite]

Trent, we really gotta get you out of Bog Bottom so soon.

[Jason Bulman]

This swap gas is not doing good for you.

[Spite]

Who did we decide is doing our face?

[Squash]

Pregame. We had a big talk about me being the face and the way I'm playing. I don't know. I don't know, gang. I think I got the highest charisma, but me, IO, I don't know about it, but here we go. Leather cap. Damn, this is beautiful. You've really made this house a home. What we want want is. I don't know, we're looking for a couple ingredients here. And if it's your kin, then I'm not with that. You know what I mean? And I, like, reach out for a handshake and I see that maybe he doesn't have any hands. And I, like, put my hands down and just give, like a big. A big wink.

[Jason Bulman]

I will say that it does not appear that they have a gender at all. They're made of mushroom, my man. They look at you with kind of a quizzical look.

[Trant]

Bleh.

[Jason Bulman]

These are markin my children. Why do you need them?

[Squash]

Is this. Wait, is this what we were looking for. And I look over at you guys with bleary eyes that you realize now I have done something to myself.

[Spite]

I step forward a little bit and I go, yes. We were sent to get three pale, waning mushrooms as part of what's needed to pour help. Oprah and Panera were taken captive and they were fed poisonous mushrooms, very much unlike you and your kin. And we're just trying to reverse the ill effects of those mushrooms.

[Trant]

We don't eat elephant either.

[Spite]

Yeah, we don't eat elephant. And so we've been sent to get waning mushrooms and lanternberries and tomb flowers. And I didn't know that the waning mushroom were your kin. But the cycle of life is a very strange thing, don't you think?

[Jason Bulman]

Thin skins often get sick from our gifts. Who are you to assume that I am not poisonous? I am proud of my poison. It makes thin skins very ill. Oh, that makes sense.

[Myrtie]

Can I roll a nature check to see if this is the mushroom we're looking for or if we maybe got to whack this guy?

[Jason Bulman]

Go ahead and give me a nature check.

[Myrtie]

Okay, that was a five on the die, but I do have a plus seven nature, so that's 12.

[Jason Bulman]

Marty, you look at this creature, and although you don't know the specifics, you do know that this creature is what's known as a leshy. Leshy are sentient plants. Basically, they come in a wide variety of shape and form. Form. This one appears to be a fungus Leshy. They're known to be rather dour, sometimes intransigent, but they're not overtly hostile.

[Myrtie]

Okay, but the other mushrooms, like on the log, are not also leshy.

[Jason Bulman]

These are what you need? Yeah, pretty sure of that. They match the description.

[Myrtie]

Okay. Mushroom bodies are complicated. Mushroom consciousness is complicated. Complicated. If I take some of the mushrooms, will he feel pain? Will he feel like part of his. I'm sorry, this leshy doesn't have a gender. Will this leshy feel pain or feel like part of their consciousness is being taken? Or is the consciousness of the leshy bound solely to the mushroom?

[Jason Bulman]

The leshy creatures are sentient and separate from perhaps non sentient versions. But they would consider them kin, right? They're definitely related.

[Myrtie]

Okay, so it's more of like a solidarity thing than a cosmic.

[Jason Bulman]

If leather cap is to be believed, that is very much the case. Yeah.

[Spite]

So I'm just gonna, like, ask. I'll be like, so if we need three of these strong, beautiful, poisonous mushrooms in order to help our thin skinned friends, is that possible? Is that something that you would be okay with?

[Jason Bulman]

Perhaps. If there's something you could offer me in return. Perhaps something in which they could grow more.

[Squash]

Oh, corpses.

[Spite]

Oh, we do make a lot of corpses in our line of work.

[Squash]

We make a lot of corpses. And, like, I mean, decay exists as an extant form of life. Am I right? And I, like, turn to Leather Cap.

[Jason Bulman]

You cannot kill me in any way that matters.

[Squash]

Fuck, Jason.

[Jason Bulman]

Damn you. Damn you.

[Squash]

I turned to Smite and I said, can you not feel your heart burning? I turn to Trant. Can you not feel the struggle within?

[Myrtie]

Show me the face of God, you fungal piece of shit.

[Squash]

The fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. Would you take, like, some corpses? Because I know, like.

[Spite]

Or we could bring the spores and put them into the next corpses we make.

[Squash]

Now you're talking my language.

[Trant]

Comment.

[Jason Bulman]

You would spread my kin?

[Spite]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Squash]

Crabsolutely we would.

[Jason Bulman]

Give me a diplomacy check, somebody.

[Spite]

I've got a plus four. I rolled a seven, so that's an 11. Maybe. I'm gonna hero point this. I didn't use my hero point last time. I'm just gonna hero point this. I want to not kill this thing.

[Jason Bulman]

Dig deep within to.

[Spite]

Well, I dug deep within and did worse. What happens when you do worse with a hero point?

[Jason Bulman]

Oh, you take the better of the great.

[Spite]

Then I have an 11.

[Jason Bulman]

11.

[Spite]

Goodbye, Hero Point.

[Jason Bulman]

All right, well, I'm gonna give you a bonus on that.

[Spite]

You were wasted.

[Squash]

I rolled a diplomacy check and got a total of 16.

[Spite]

And we were both talking, but I don't know.

[Jason Bulman]

Leathercap looks at you and he says, I will give you what you seek, but only if you tell the people of Bog Bottom not to harvest here without my consent.

[Spite]

Oh, that seems fair.

[Myrtie]

We were really into consent. That seems.

[Trant]

I mean, we can tell them anything.

[Squash]

That makes a lot of sense. Should we put up a sign or.

[Myrtie]

You want me to write a zine about it?

[Squash]

Yeah, people always read those.

[Trant]

I can set out some landmines. Now, you gotta be real careful because they will go off for just about any reason.

[Jason Bulman]

No, don't. No, thank you. Wait.

[Squash]

Spore mines. Hold on. And I, like, go off up by myself and think for a little while.

[Jason Bulman]

With Leather Cap's help, you harvest the three mushrooms you need and make your way back to the barge.

[Spite]

We get a little bit more to use to spread the spore into the next corpses.

[Jason Bulman]

Leathercap asks you for a piece of cloth.

[Spite]

Okay, great.

[Jason Bulman]

That they then soak in the swamp water and take over to some of the mushrooms. And he gently, almost delicately, with almost a lover's touch, harvests some spores and deposits them into the cloth.

[Spite]

That's a very specific image. That works very. It's a very strong image.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah.

[Squash]

I cut my shorts even shorter and I hand them over to Leathercap.

[Jason Bulman]

I'm working with the medium I have.

[Spite]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason Bulman]

No, it's all about the imagery. You're doing great.

[Squash]

Yeah. Mushrooms are the sexiest.

[Jason Bulman]

That's right.

[Squash]

Monsters you can find here.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah, boy. For those of you listening, just do a Google search for fungus, Leshy. And when you see the picture of what I'm talking about, you'll know how this all works out. Okay?

[Squash]

Yeah. Your tongue will roll across the table like a Looney Tune.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah. Yeah. All right. So you have harvested the first ingredient and can now make your way to the next. The question is, where do you want to go next? You have your choice between the berry patch to get the lantern berries, or you can attempt to go get the tomb flowers.

[Spite]

I feel like that one seems like it's the hardest is the tomb flowers. So maybe we should go to the lanternberries.

[Jason Bulman]

You can go get the lanternberries first.

[Spite]

I bet it's easy.

[Squash]

I bet it's fun. I bet we'll have a good time and we'll all grow closer as friends.

[Jason Bulman]

So you hop back on the raft and begin pulling your way through the swamp. As you make your way through. Can I get you all to give me a perception check?

[Trant]

Hell, yeah, you can. Oh, shit. 17.

[Myrtie]

That's a nat. 20, baby.

[Jason Bulman]

Nice.

[Myrtie]

Yeah, that's the 20 I have. 27.

[Squash]

13 plus 5 is a 21.

[Spite]

We get all of our good rolls here.

[Trant]

22 total.

[Spite]

I got an 18 total. I thought I was doing good.

[Squash]

We all did great.

[Jason Bulman]

You all did pretty well, actually. And after the story that Myrtie told you upon leaving town, you've all been kind of on edge looking at the swamp not just for its natural beauty, which it certainly has plenty of, but also for this supposed threat. And while up until now, you haven't really seen anything to give you any sense of pause as you make your way away from the mushroom stump and begin making your way towards the location of the buried patch, you all can't help but feel like you're being watched. It's just that sense, that feeling on the back of your neck, all of the hairs suddenly standing on end, that something is observing you. And out of all of you, Murdy, you can't help but remember the words from the dwarf at the moss pig. Berna talking. Talking about two tusks. Said that it was a massive thing dwells in the water. Biggest barge.

[Spite]

It's a hippopotamus.

[Jason Bulman]

You've been looking hardy and you can't help but notice that there is a wake in the water that seems to appear some distance off to your right now. And again.

[Myrtie]

Guys, it's like somebody's stirring the bog.

[Spite]

Or should we go. Go towards it or away from it?

[Trant]

I feel like towards.

[Spite]

Okay, I turn the barge towards it.

[Jason Bulman]

Without any second thought, you begin pulling in that direction. But as soon as Myrtie spotted it, it disappears. Whatever it is, doesn't seem. Maybe it's not there. Maybe it's just a fiction of my imagination. Maybe my was scared by the legend. But you don't seem to see any anything.

[Myrtie]

I'm not scared of anything, but I might still be drunk.

[Jason Bulman]

Did have a couple of the stouts before you left.

[Myrtie]

Emphasis on a couple.

[Squash]

Oh, my bad.

[Spite]

Murty. I don't think there's anything over here.

[Jason Bulman]

So can I get another survival check? As you make your way from one location to the other, and I believe this is my reading the map.

[Myrtie]

That was an 18 on the die.

[Jason Bulman]

Ah.

[Myrtie]

Plus 7 is 25.

[Jason Bulman]

You know, of the group, you are incredibly skilled at reading a map and making sure the but the barge is going in the right direction. You navigate to the next location in expert time. It doesn't even take you two hours. You're able to make it there in one. You don't even have to go through any cutbacks or reroutes. You make it straight to the next location.

[Myrtie]

Stew scouts say what?

[Spite]

What?

[Myrtie]

Hey, this one gets me.

[Jason Bulman]

Even from a distance, the golden berries faintly glow among the brambles at the top of the hill. These must be the lanternberries that Ladrusa needs to cure the villagers. So as you approach, this is kind of a hill, and atop it there are kind of these glowing berries on a trio of large berry bushes. It does look like some of the other bushes are also lantern berry bushes, but it looks like animals from the swamp have eaten them all away. So the only intact berries are up at the top. So these bushes do look very thorny. So you can make your way up to the top safely as long as you go slowly, no checks required. You just have to kind of be careful about it.

[Spite]

Whose waiters look dumb now?

[Jason Bulman]

That's right. So as long as you're willing to take, say, five minutes to walk up to the top and you're not really under a huge time pressure, you can make it up to the top without any danger.

[Spite]

I'm walking in front with shield raised and morning starret ready.

[Trant]

I'll get directly behind her and have a grenade in each hand.

[Jason Bulman]

Okay. So if you all take a look at the map, you've made it to the top of the hill. There are these kind of bushes that are just in front of you. As you've made your way up through the kind of thorny bramble berry bushes. Doesn't appear that there's anybody up here. This is kind of higher up in the swamp, and you're kind of up in the. Almost up into the fog that kind of hangs above the swamp at all times during the day. Occasionally, a bright shaft of sunlight will burn away some of the fog. But up here, it's kind of actually a little gloomy. You're a little overcast, Allowing these berries to really kind of glow in the misty gloom. And as you are approaching this, everybody give me a perception check.

[Myrtie]

That was another nat 20. 27.

[Trant]

That's a 14. So 19 total for me.

[Myrtie]

I promise. I'm not lying about these dice. I'm just using my lucky pink die.

[Jason Bulman]

It's all 20 on all sides. It's lucky.

[Trant]

Yeah.

[Spite]

I got a total of a six because I keep rolling my unlucky die. I'm gonna switch dice.

[Jason Bulman]

Nice, nice.

[Squash]

I got a natural one. I walk back into the river.

[Jason Bulman]

So spite and squash. The two of you kind of make your way up into the clearing. I'm gonna move you forward just a little bit. You don't see anything. You're making your way up to these bushes.

[Squash]

I don't see anything. What a verdant land.

[Jason Bulman]

Trant, my two of you, pick up some buzzing. There's some weird kind of buzzing coming from the mist up above. And as you get closer, the source of the buzzing becomes obvious as a pair of giant swamp flies come swooping down out of the mist. And at this point in time, I'm gonna need everybody to roll perception for initiative. Now, Trant, my. I will allow both of you to, like, draw a weapon or something real quick because you heard something going on. So if you want to have a bomb in hand or a weapon in hand, you can certainly do that.

[Trant]

Absolutely. I got a bomb in each hand.

[Spite]

I'm sad. I fully intended to give Trance the bug bombs, and I did not.

[Jason Bulman]

So you still have them. That's fine.

[Trant]

Don't worry. I've got a bug bomb.

[Myrtie]

Yeah. I've got my soup ladle out and my pot lid shield.

[Squash]

I'm Spinning in a circle, being like, what's going on?

[Jason Bulman]

All right, so go ahead and roll initiative, everybody, and hold onto the number. I'll come around and get it from you. All right, we'll start here. Spite, what do you got?

[Spite]

Total of a 16.

[Jason Bulman]

Sounds good.

[Spite]

And I'm switching out from a yellow die to a blue die. I'm sure it'll fix everything.

[Jason Bulman]

That is fair. Blue dye is more lucky. Use a red die if you want to go fast. Squash, what's your initiative?

[Squash]

I rolled a 17 for a total of 22.

[Jason Bulman]

22. Very good, Murdy, what do you got?

[Myrtie]

Well, I used up all my good rolls. I rolled a five on the die, plus seven is 12.

[Jason Bulman]

There we go. Trance, what do you have?

[Trant]

That's a 19 total.

[Jason Bulman]

Because I rolled a 19.

[Trant]

Yeah.

[Jason Bulman]

All right. And let me go ahead and grab my flies. Okay. So these flies come swooping down out of the mist up above you. And by big, I mean, I think it's important to understand these things are, like fully three and a half, four feet long. That's how big their bodies are. Their wingspans are more like 5ft. So these are very, very large swamp flies. There's a pair of them, and they look very angry that you have disturbed their favorite berry bushes, top of the order. Squash. Somehow you didn't see the flies at all. But now that there's one that's probably only about 10ft above you. Both of the flies that that you can see right now, they're about 10ft off the ground. So they're not down at your level just yet. Squash, you get to go first.

[Squash]

Well, it's a good thing that I've got a gun. I pull out my big machete gun, and I say, free your hand, you son of a bitch, and I shoot them.

[Jason Bulman]

All right, you draw your gun and fire.

[Squash]

Yep. And I rolled a total of 18.

[Jason Bulman]

The sound of thunder echoes through the hills as your gun unleashes its bullet that flies up through the air and clips one of the flies in the wing. Go ahead and roll. Damage.

[Squash]

I rolled two damage on this nasty fly.

[Jason Bulman]

All right. The bullet grazes its wing, clipping it, putting a hole in its iridescent wing. But it doesn't look like that affected it too badly. Squash, you do still have one action left. If you would like to reload your gun.

[Squash]

Might as well.

[Jason Bulman]

All right, Trant, you saw these flies coming. You were able to draw some bombs. It is your turn.

[Trant]

Well, I think I'm going to. I mean, this does seem like the kind of Situation that calls for a grenade. Do I think I can air burst this in such a way that it'll hit more than one?

[Jason Bulman]

So the two flies look like they're a bit too far, far apart for that. If they were closer together, maybe you could try and pull something like that off. But they're over 20ft apart, so best you can do is target one.

[Trant]

Okay, I'm gonna go to the one that's just to the right of squash, and I'm gonna hurl an alchemist's frost at it.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah. So these flies have kind of come swooping in around the berries on either side. They're still about 10ft up off the ground. And you throw a frost vial at that one.

[Trant]

Yes. So roll to hit. That's a 19 naturally. Plus I think a 5 is what I add to that. 24.

[Jason Bulman]

A 24 is a clean and solid hit. The frost vial slams into the fly. You deal full damage. Go ahead and give me the damage. And what's the splash effect on that? Is it just one more cold?

[Trant]

That's a great, great question. Yeah, it's definitely cold damage because it's frost bomb.

[Jason Bulman]

So it's going to do one D6 cold plus one cold splash. And it takes a minus five foot penalty to its speed until the end of its next.

[Trant]

That's what I was looking to do.

[Spite]

Okay. Is that going to slow down its wing so much it falls from the air?

[Jason Bulman]

No, but it'll slow it down moving very fast, which is useful.

[Trant]

And I rolled six, so max damage. So we're at seven total.

[Jason Bulman]

So the frost vile slams into the fly, dealing a total of 6,7 points of damage. It looks very badly hurt from that. It is still flying, but the frost is now clinging to its wings. And you can see that they're not. It's having to beat much harder to kind of keep it up in the air. It looks like the fly is slowed down by this attack. That was only your first action. You do still have a bomb in the other hand. What do you want to do?

[Trant]

I'm going to say, oh, sorry, are you cold? Let me warm you up a little bit. And then I'm going to throw an alchemist fire at him. All right, that's a three.

[Jason Bulman]

I don't know where it's going, but.

[Squash]

It'S not going on target.

[Myrtie]

Do you have a hero point?

[Trant]

Yeah, that's a good idea.

[Jason Bulman]

Damn, I was so close to getting away with it.

[Trant]

That's a five. That is no better.

[Jason Bulman]

The Curse of Hero points. I spend a hero Point. I get a worse roll. Oh, all right.

[Spite]

Yeah, I rolled in that one after my last hero point.

[Jason Bulman]

I can't tell you how often that happens. So you fling the alchemist fire. It goes wide and lands in the bushes behind it. Fortunately, everything here is so wet that it doesn't start the whole place ablaze. But the fly is unharmed. Alright, that was trance turn. Unfortunately, the flies get to go. Now, the first fly is gonna come swooping down at spite. It's going to come flying down out of the mist spiked and it comes straight up to you and attempts to bite you with its mandibles.

[Spite]

Okay, I'm not afraid of no fly. I had my shield drawn.

[Jason Bulman]

Nor should you be, as I have rolled a three to hit, which is not going to be sufficient.

[Spite]

Ah, that is lower than my armor class even.

[Jason Bulman]

Plus my bonus 11 is not going to do it. So it is going to attempt to spend its third action to bite you one last time. That is an armor class of 16.

[Spite]

Nowhere near my armor class of 19.

[Jason Bulman]

The fly was hopeful, but it failed. That is the end of the first fly's turn. Poor rolling for my poor flies. Next up, the other fly comes swooping down to squash.

[Trant]

What?

[Jason Bulman]

It's going to attempt to bite you with its mandibles. Does an armor class of 16 hit you?

[Squash]

Squash Abstuli. No it doesn't. Fat chance, you fucking fly. No, it's an armor class of 18 that you gotta miss, baby.

[Jason Bulman]

The fly attempts to bite you, but you are just too nimble. Dancing away from its mandibles, it will take its final action to attempt to bite you again. And I rolled a gnat 20 for a critical hit. No.

[Squash]

My chainmail crop top didn't protect me.

[Spite]

Who could have seen it coming?

[Jason Bulman]

I rolled maximum damage.

[Myrtie]

Oh my God.

[Trant]

Yeah.

[Jason Bulman]

Okay, take 18 as the fly swoops down and bites you in the neck.

[Spite]

So long, folks.

[Trant]

His neck. He's not supposed to get teeth in that.

[Squash]

No, I'm supposed to protect that.

[Jason Bulman]

So this fly comes down and bites you like square in the neck.

[Spite]

Oh my God.

[Jason Bulman]

And just like rips out a part of your throat. Blood, spots, spatters everywhere. As the fly lands on your body to feast. Are you at zero? Yeah.

[Squash]

I have exactly 18 hit points.

[Jason Bulman]

All right, so here's what happens. Gouache, you will move in initiative to right before the flies. So you now go right before them. You are unconscious and prone.

[Squash]

Makes sense.

[Jason Bulman]

And you gain the dying condition. Now, the way this works is if it gets back to your turn and no one has helped you we will roll a check to see if your dying condition gets worse or better. If it gets better and drops to zero, you become kind of stable and just unconscious. But if you roll poorly, it will get worse, and it gets worse and worse and worse until it gets to dying four, at which point you die. Now, I know I just said you were at dying one, but I forgot this was a critical hit, which knocks you immediately to dying two.

[Squash]

Of course it does.

[Jason Bulman]

So you were at dying two, which means on your next turn, if you roll a one on your save, you would fall two more spots and die. So hopefully someone will get to you before that.

[Squash]

Won't be good for the podcast. We'll see how good my friends are.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah, we'll see how much your friends are actually your friends.

[Trant]

Don't worry. I got something I can throw that'll help you.

[Squash]

Trent, save me.

[Spite]

I, like, ignored Murdy, the main healer and the backup healer.

[Jason Bulman]

He only has one way to heal you, and it's with fire.

[Trant]

I kind of have a bomb of healing. Yes.

[Jason Bulman]

That is the end of the Swampfly's turn. Spite. We are over to you.

[Spite]

All right. Knowing that my dear friend Murdy has the situation of squash well in hand, I decide in Squash's name to squash this fly.

[Jason Bulman]

Very good.

[Spite]

And because my morning star is already drawn, I really want to throw a bug bomb at it. I have bug bombs, but this thing is right in front of me. I'm already holding a pointy stick. There's no thing I could possibly remember.

[Jason Bulman]

You get three actions, and your third one's at such a penalty. You might as well throw a bomb.

[Trant]

Yeah.

[Spite]

So I am going to use. Use a focus point to do a weapon surge and call down the mighty Milani to infuse my spiked bat. The holy spiked bat. And do additional damage. And so I will take a swing, roll a nat 20. I'm very glad I switched dice for a total of 28.

[Jason Bulman]

So a lot of things happen here simultaneously. Cause if you recall, Trance glued alchemist fire to the scent of your morning star.

[Spite]

I'm gonna do more damage than I'm gonna do for the next five levels of my character, including to me.

[Jason Bulman]

And there's no way I'm giving you critical damage on the alchemist fire, but I will give you full damage on it. Okay, so go ahead and roll damage for the weapon. We're gonna double that. Yep. Then we're gonna roll a D6 for the Al.

[Spite]

Splash, which I will do.

[Trant]

Yeah.

[Jason Bulman]

Just gonna be a lot.

[Spite]

Yeah. So because I did my Weapon search. I get an extra D6 to the damage. And so that is a. I rolled a 5 and a 2 plus 4 is 11 damage. So 22 damage with the Morning Star and then the fire. I rolled a five, so 27 damage to the fly.

[Jason Bulman]

So you slam the morning star into this fly, and it hits it square in the middle of its two giant. You know, they've got those hundred lens eyes, and these things are big. They're like the size of beach balls. And you slam the Morning Star right in the middle of that. The alchemist fire shatters and burns its wings to a crisp. This fly kind of explodes in a ball of cooking ichor as fire and bug juice spike spatters you from head to toe. You do take one point of fire damage.

[Spite]

Oh, that's fine. I turn to Trant and give a big thumbs up.

[Jason Bulman]

You are spattered just from top to bottom, boss.

[Trant]

Next time, I'll put two on there.

[Jason Bulman]

Great.

[Spite]

I still have one action left. Drawing a bomb or a javelin is an action, correct.

[Jason Bulman]

So you can get something out, but you couldn't use it.

[Spite]

I'm raising my shield.

[Jason Bulman]

Okay, you're gonna raise your shield?

[Squash]

Yeah.

[Jason Bulman]

All right, so I'm gonna go ahead and remove that particular fly from the map since it is super dead. Yeah, you are just splattered in bug juice from top to bottom.

[Spite]

I haven't played a DPS character in a very long time. It is very satisfying.

[Jason Bulman]

That was impressive. All right, that was Spite's turn.

[Myrtie]

Merdy, I would like to heal squash, which will automatically take care of those dying conditions. I'm gonna spend two actions to do this, meaning that spell has a range of 30ft. And I'm targeting squash and gonna roll D8. Do you want me to roll D8 or squash? Do you want to roll your own healing?

[Squash]

Oh, please. I trust you more.

[Myrtie]

Okay, that heals for five. So you're back to five hit points.

[Squash]

I love it.

[Jason Bulman]

So it's plus eight. So that is a total of 13. You're still prone. You'll wait your turn and be laying on the ground with the fly sitting on top of you, lapping up your blood.

[Squash]

No, my blood.

[Myrtie]

And then my last action, I'm gonna mutter some shit to myself that no one else can hear and cast guidance on myself. And I'll proudly say this. This wasn't supposed to be this way. I'm supposed to just be doing soup.

[Jason Bulman]

So, Trance, you now get to go again. Squash. Squash now goes after you, not before you. Because squash don't like.

[Trant]

All right, squash Try to stay real flat. And then I'm going to whip out my shotgun and just blast. All right, that's not great. That's gonna be A total of 13.

[Jason Bulman]

Total of 13. What was your roll? Cause those weapons do misfire.

[Trant]

An eight.

[Jason Bulman]

Oh, that's fine. Okay, so you roll a 13, which is gonna miss. Let's see. Drawing it and firing it. You do still have one action left.

[Trant]

I guess I'll draw one of my pistols.

[Jason Bulman]

Okay, so, Squash, we're back to you now. The fly is directly above you. Like I said, it's been lapping up your blood. You can stand up if you want.

[Spite]

I could have stopped you from getting killed. My reaction would have been made you take less damage. That realization just hit me.

[Jason Bulman]

So. You're absolutely right. But remember, you hadn't gone yet, so you can't take reactions until you've gone.

[Spite]

That's right. Okay, yeah. No, I totally would have done it. I totally was on top of it. Okay, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Please continue.

[Jason Bulman]

Hey, everybody listening at home? That's why Spike didn't save their friend.

[Trant]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Jason Bulman]

It's because they couldn't take a reaction yet. That's right.

[Squash]

It's not because they're a terrible friend to me.

[Spite]

Squash.

[Jason Bulman]

Squash. It's your turn.

[Squash]

For my first turn, I do a Jean Claude Van Damme jump up from a prone position. And I say, the fabulous, funky, funny Mr.

[Jason Bulman]

Squash.

[Squash]

And then I stab the fly with my cool new rapier.

[Jason Bulman]

So when you did get bit last turn, by the way, because you fell unconscious, I didn't bother with the Fortitude Save. You also needed to make from the swamp fly bite.

[Squash]

Ah, crumbs.

[Jason Bulman]

If you could just make that for me real quick. Quick. I just kind of want to see what's going on with you.

[Squash]

I rolled a 14.

[Jason Bulman]

What do I have? It's a fortitude save. 18 total. So, yeah, that didn't do anything. So you stand up then. What were you gonna do?

[Squash]

I skewer this nasty bug.

[Jason Bulman]

All right, go ahead and make me uncool, new rapier.

[Squash]

All right. I rolled a seven plus eight, which is a total of enough to kill the fly, I hope. 16.

[Jason Bulman]

The fly is going to take a reaction called avoid the swat. And it is going to get a bonus to its ac, which causes your attack to miss. And then it's gonna move away.

[Squash]

That's classic fly stuff. I hate these nasties.

[Trant]

Yeah, this is exactly how real flies work.

[Squash]

They got flies dead to rights in Pathfinder.

[Jason Bulman]

I tell you, I happen to know my flies, so I had this same.

[Trant]

Problem with a fly in a shotgun the other day.

[Squash]

What a game.

[Jason Bulman]

So you have one action left. But the fly is no longer within reach. You've stood up and you've attacked.

[Squash]

And I got one more. And that.

[Trant]

You know what?

[Squash]

I just came back from the dead. I am gonna. I'm gonna shoot it. I reloaded my gun. I'm gonna shoot the. Shoot this bastard.

[Jason Bulman]

All right. This will be at a penalty. It's your second attack. So it's gonna be at a -5 from whatever your normal bonus is, which I think is like a seven.

[Squash]

Well, I roll the five.

[Jason Bulman]

Okay. So you crack off a shotgun, it goes wide, landing in the bushes. Now, the swamp fly gets to go next. And flies are not exactly known for their tactical acumen. So it's gonna fly up despite.

[Spite]

No, no. Don't fly at the full hit. Point person with their shield raised.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah, well, like I said, it's a fly. It's not a skilled soldier. It's attacking whatever's nearby, which happens to be you.

[Spite]

Great.

[Jason Bulman]

And it's going to fly up and attempt to bite you with its mandibles. Here we go. Well.

[Spite]

Oh, that's really good.

[Jason Bulman]

I'll say this, my dice are on fire. That's a critical hit.

[Spite]

So is a 20 always a critical in Pathfinder?

[Jason Bulman]

So the way it works is that a 20 is always one step better in the result. So in this case, the total die roll is a 28. Now, if a 28 was a miss on you because your armor class was really high, rolling a 20 would take it from a miss to a hit. In this case, it's probably a hit which is going to take it to a 20.

[Spite]

It is. It's not 10 over, but I see that. Yeah, we're rolling the 20. Okay.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah.

[Spite]

Okay.

[Jason Bulman]

So that is going to hit you for 14 damage. Now you. Now you do have your shield raised and you do have a reactor. Yeah.

[Spite]

However, if I do that, it'll destroy my shield.

[Jason Bulman]

It will definitely damage it quite badly. Yes.

[Spite]

My shield is 20 hit points. But it becomes damaged at 10. So it becomes unusable at 10.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah, you can't use it to raise your shield, but you could fix it. Like on the next boat journey between here and the next thing. You could work the finish.

[Spite]

I'm just gonna take the 14 damage.

[Jason Bulman]

Okay, you take 14 damage.

[Spite]

Okay.

[Jason Bulman]

You do also have the champion reaction. Can you use that on yourself?

[Spite]

No, I don't think so.

[Jason Bulman]

What is it? Liberating step.

[Spite]

I believe it's an ally within my aura. 15ft is the. @ least that's what I wrote down.

[Jason Bulman]

All right, so you take 14 damage.

[Trant]

Okay.

[Jason Bulman]

The swampfly has one action left. It's going to attempt to bite you again. Can I roll another natural 20? I cannot. That's not gonna hit. This fly, however, has a taste for bonus blood. It keeps going for next.

[Spite]

I hate to ask this, but do I have to roll the fortitude save?

[Jason Bulman]

Ah, yes. Look at you being honest. I'm going to grant you a hero point for being honest for taking the damage and being honest. But however, you do still have to give me that 42.

[Spite]

Yeah, that's fine. I passed it. I think I got a 21 after a 13 plus 8.

[Jason Bulman]

Oh, that's definitely gonna make it. All right, let's fight. It is up to you.

[Spite]

All right, I am going to, you know, I was going to do a create a diversion and then try and hit it. Well, I still haven't done that yet, so that's what I want to do.

[Jason Bulman]

Okay.

[Spite]

So I'm going to use this action called create a diversion, which is a deception check versus its perception, to give it a minus 2ac. This is probably not the most op thing I could do, but I'm just kind of curious.

[Jason Bulman]

Sure.

[Spite]

And so I'm making a deception check at it.

[Jason Bulman]

So how are you attempting to deceive the fly? I'm kind of curious.

[Spite]

Much like with a regular fly, I'm going to hit above it. Instead of hitting it, I'm going to get it to fly into my morning star. That's the plan because that's how I kill flies in real life.

[Jason Bulman]

Okay.

[Spite]

I wasted my nat 20. This die rules. I really am glad I switched dice. I got a 24 on my deception versus its perception.

[Jason Bulman]

You did roll a natural 20. I don't think that there's a critical success on that, but it is still good. Okay.

[Spite]

And then I am going to try to hit it with my Morningstorm.

[Jason Bulman]

All right, so basically, you kind of distract the bug, which kind of looks in the other way and is flying around erratically and kind of showing you its whole bug ass.

[Spite]

Cool.

[Jason Bulman]

So you're able to hit it more easily.

[Spite]

And I also have this feat that makes me stay hidden after I use Create a Diversion. It's a feat because my background is insurgent, and it's a feat called lengthy diversion. The created diversion lasts past the end of the round. So it. I think the idea is that it's, like, still confused by me.

[Jason Bulman]

That would work until you attack it. So that Would be really good if you were trying to destroy distracted and get away. But if you're just gonna hit it, it's gonna know where you are.

[Spite]

Okay, I rolled an 11 plus 8, so a 19 to hit. And it has a minus 2 to its AC, I believe.

[Jason Bulman]

So the fun part about this is that my cool ability to avoid being swatted does require me to use it on an attacker I can see. And I can't see you right now, so I can't use it.

[Spite]

Yes.

[Jason Bulman]

So that is. Is actually not a bad tactical move at all. You are keeping me from flying away from you, so that is gonna hit. Go ahead and deal Damage.

[Spite]

Okay, I rolled a two on damage, so six damage.

[Jason Bulman]

Six damage. This fly looks very badly hurt. One of its wings is definitely broke and not flying the right way. It's leaking kind of a pale yellow ichor out of its cracked abdomen. Cracked thorn thorax. I guess it's a fly.

[Spite]

Yeah. Okay.

[Jason Bulman]

Okay, go with that.

[Spite]

I'm gonna try and hit it again. I am not smart enough to know that this means it's gonna get to fly away from me.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah, but it won't get to do so until after you attack, so.

[Spite]

Okay, great. Because I rolled a. Let's see, it's at a minus five, so that's only a 22.

[Jason Bulman]

Well, it doesn't matter that I use my ability. You're still going to hit, so go ahead and roll. Damage.

[Spite]

Oh, good. Seven damage.

[Jason Bulman]

So it begins to try and fly away, but your diversion has completely confounded it and it is killed. You splatter it across the field. Spite is a fly killer. Let it be known, legends throughout the land. The flies are dead.

[Spite]

I look kind of in amazement at the spike stick, my morning star, and I'm like, look at the rune that's etched in it now. And I'm like, cool. I'm really badly wounded. I was pretending like it was all fine.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah, that really hurt.

[Spite]

It ripped out a good chunk of my neck. I'm looking down at the stick, and you can see blood coming out of my neck with each beat of my heart.

[Myrtie]

I come over and I put my hand on their shoulder, and I give you a bolt. Thanks. I will heal you up.

[Spite]

Does the soup actually heal?

[Myrtie]

Yes. Okay, that's the bit about the cult. We accidentally made a soup that heals, and we keep it going in perpetual stew style.

[Spite]

How many hit points does that heal?

[Squash]

100.

[Myrtie]

100?

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah.

[Spite]

Jason is.

[Jason Bulman]

I'm beginning to think the cult just thinks they have a professional healing soup.

[Myrtie]

Oh, we talked about this. The soup heals. It's mechanically that he'll spell.

[Jason Bulman]

Oh.

[Myrtie]

But the fiction around it is, Ah.

[Jason Bulman]

So you're eating the soup and you get the benefits of a heal. That makes perfect sense.

[Spite]

Okay. And it uses one of your heals.

[Trant]

Okay, yeah, yeah, that seems fair.

[Jason Bulman]

That's perfectly fair. I'm definitely in game with that.

[Spite]

What does that heal?

[Myrtie]

Out of combat? How does this work?

[Jason Bulman]

So out of combat? It works the same way it works in combat. You can cast it in any one of the three ways. Obviously, out of combat, I suggest you use either the two or the three action version, because those are the best. The one action version is only for emergencies, right? Yeah.

[Myrtie]

The two action one gets me an extra eight hit points, so I'm gonna do the two action version.

[Jason Bulman]

It's best when you're only really healing one person.

[Spite]

There are two of us who are badly wounded right now.

[Myrtie]

Oh. Who else is badly wounded?

[Jason Bulman]

But spite, you're much more badly wounded than squash is right now. Squash has got a few scratches.

[Spite]

All right.

[Squash]

I'm only down five now.

[Spite]

Okay.

[Jason Bulman]

That's not nothing. But you're down 14.

[Myrtie]

Yeah, yeah. I can heal for 13 for one person or five for multiple.

[Spite]

Okay, I'll take the 13.

[Trant]

Jason.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah.

[Trant]

While they're doing this and healing, I'm gonna muck around in the fly corpses and find the hardest pieces of the flies.

[Jason Bulman]

Okay.

[Trant]

Like, whatever. The hardest, sharpest bits of the flies, and I'm gonna kind of chop them up into bits, and I'm gonna use that to reload my shotgun.

[Jason Bulman]

Oh, okay. Sure. Nice. Yeah, I mean, the fly, like, you know, chitin, especially around their mandibles and whatnot, is very dense, very hard.

[Trant]

Oh, I saw what it did to some throats. I'm looking to do that to some throats of my own.

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah. You fill your shotgun full of bloody fly pieces.

[Spite]

I look to squash, and I'm like, squash, we made corpses. We should use your shorts.

[Squash]

Yeah. I start ripping up pieces of my. My fungused up shorts, and I place them deep within the caverns of these open flies.

[Jason Bulman]

All right. In addition, you're able to gather up the berries you need without too much trouble.

[Squash]

Oh, yeah, we had a mission.

[Jason Bulman]

The bushes are thorny, but outside of combat, you can just kind of take your time. In addition to this, you notice that there is kind of buried underneath one of the berry bushes, you spot a skeleton. Looks like some poor traveler may have died up here, perhaps to the the flies. And it is clutching a scimitar. That looks in good Shape.

[Squash]

Wow, that's so scary.

[Spite]

Does it have a very similar rune as the rapier in my Morningstar?

[Trant]

Could I use a Knowledge Arcana on it?

[Jason Bulman]

Yeah, you can figure it out. Yeah, go ahead.

[Trant]

Yeah, okay, let me try. 9.

[Jason Bulman]

I mean, you can't be certain, but there's a decent chance it's a magical weapon. It seems in way too good of shape to not be magical, because if it were just sitting out here in the elements, it would have kind of rotted away.

[Trant]

Yeah, boss. My guess is that this is special, like the other stuff we found. So we could probably. I mean, if nobody wants a scimitar, we could find something else to do with it, like we did with the other thing.

[Spite]

Okay, I put it in my pack.

[Jason Bulman]

All right. So you make your way down from the hill and back to your raft. You now have two of the three ingredients that you need. And you begin pulling off into the swamp to find this soggy cemetery located in the distant corner of the swamp. And as you begin to pull through, the murky depths begins to get. Later on in the day, the sun begins to dip low, the shadows are growing long, your time is running short. And somewhere out in the swamp, something is watching you. But that's all we have time for here today, everybody. So that's gonna be the end of this episode. I wanna thank you all for playing once again.

[Spite]

It's so good.

[Jason Bulman]

Thank you.

[Trant]

I only wanna thank some of you, but it's a secret.

[Squash]

I sure do appreciate it.

[Spite]

And I wanna thank everyone for listening to dawn of the Frogs. And if you come back next week, you'll get to watch, I believe it's called a tpk. And if you don't know what that is, you can Google it. And that's not a. It's just a terrible thing.

[Squash]

Tpk. Margaret, you said this wasn't dirty.

[Spite]

Oh, no, you spelled it goatsy.

[Trant]

Bye, everyone.

[Ad Announcer 2]

It Could Happen Here as a production of Cool Zone Media. For more podcasts from Cool Zone Media, Visit our website, coolzone media.com or check us out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts you can find sources for. It Could Happen here updated [e-mail] sources. Thanks for listening. Let's take a minute to unpack the myths behind GLP1. Drugs. GLP1 is a long term solution for weight loss. True. GLP1 can potentially be a long term solution for weight loss. If you want to be on a drug that changes your body's natural instincts. GLP1 can fix your metabolism. False GLP1 spikes hunger and this leads to to weight loss, but the GLP1s may actually slow down your metabolic rate as your body adjusts to consuming fewer calories. GLP1 leads to a loss of muscle mass True GLP1 can lead to a loss of muscle mass due to losing weight so rapidly that your body is pulling from both fat and muscle to make up for the energy gap from consuming so few calories. If you're looking for a natural GLP1 therapy without the needles, consider Metabolism Ignite Metabolism Ignite Ignite is powered by plants and can help boost your natural GLP1, helping you burn fat instead of muscle. Clinically proven to help you lose £9 in 90 days. Visit veracityselfcare.com and receive 15% off your first purchase with promo code iHeart.

[Jason Bulman]

There's no championship league for small business owners, but if there was, you'd be.

[Spite]

At the top of the standings because going pro with Lenovo Pro means you've got the winning formation. One on one advice IT solutions and customized hardware powered by Intel Core Ultra processors help you stay ahead of the competition. Business goes pro with Lenovo Pro Sign up for [e-mail] pro.

[Ad Announcer 1]

This is Bethany from Just Be with Bethenny Frankel. This year I'm skipping the generic candles and impulse buys. I'm gifting skincare that actually works like Primally Pure's Eucalyptus plus Lavender Body Wash. It smells like a spa and makes your shower feel like a reset button and their blue Tansy deodorant. It's clean, it's chic, and yes, it works. These bundles are toxin free, female founded and ready to wrap. Use code JUSTBE for 15% off at www.primallypure.com. that's P-R-I M A L L Y P U R E.com this is Jacob.

[Squash]

Goldstein from what's yous Problem?

[Jason Bulman]

When you buy business software from lots.

[Squash]

Of vendors, the costs add up and.

[Jason Bulman]

It gets complicated and confusing.

[Squash]

Odoo solves this. It's a single company that sells a suite of enterprise apps that handles everything.

[Jason Bulman]

From accounting to inventory to sales.

[Squash]

Odoo is all connected on a single platform in a simple and affordable way.

[Jason Bulman]

You can save money without missing out on the features you need. Check out [e-mail] that's O D O.

[Spite]

O.com this is an iHeart podcast.