Pathfinder: Dawn of the Frogs, Part One

Summary

It Could Happen Here – Pathfinder: Dawn of the Frogs, Part One

Date: November 2, 2025
Hosts/Players: Margaret Killjoy, Jason Bulman (GM), Hazel Acacia, IO, Robert Evans
Podcast Theme: Collapsing worlds, anarchic humor, community-building—now applied to a fantasy tabletop roleplaying adventure in the Pathfinder universe.

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Episode Overview

In this special “Book Club” spin-off (really a live-play RPG session), the Cool Zone team embarks on a Pathfinder 2nd Edition campaign called Dawn of the Frogs, guided by special guest and Pathfinder designer Jason Bulman as Game Master (GM). The usual anarchic, collapse-punk humor of “It Could Happen Here” meets fantasy heroics as characters with revolutionary, anti-authoritarian, and questionable life skills tackle their first adventure: investigating mysterious disappearances in the swamp town of Bog Bottom.

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Key Discussion Points & Episode Flow

1. Show Introduction & Tabletop Setup ([03:11]–[07:08])

• The regular hosts gather around for their first ever live-play RPG podcast.
• Margaret: “This week we are doing something new...and we’re going to be doing it for more than just this week because, I don’t know if you all have ever played a role playing game, but it lasts longer than an hour.” ([03:11])
• Margaret (Host, “Spite”): Introduces guest GM Jason Bulman, lead designer for Pathfinder.
• The group jokes about the number of books involved in RPG prep. Hazel quips about the “book club” premise actually being a fake-out for gaming.

2. Game Master Jason Bulman Introduces the Adventure ([07:08]–[09:36])

• Jason paints the swampy setting of Bog Bottom and the hook: missing townsfolk near an old ruined mill (“The Dunmire is a gloomy and foreboding swamp, yet beauty can be found within...” [07:08]).
• The party are implied ne’er-do-wells fleeing recent exploits—and seeking coin and redemption.

3. Player and Character Introductions ([09:36]–[16:45])

Each player delivers a vivid backstory in their own words. Notable intros:

• Spite (Margaret): Young human, raised in a commune, revolutionary-worships Melani, wears chainmail with a candle on her helmet. Socially odd, “Morningstar is practically a fidget spinner.” ([09:36])
• Squash (IO): Shoony (canine halfling-like), “shaped like a friend” but with a “fucked up scull shape,” all heart and rogue energy. Wears a chainmail crop top, wields a ludicrous sword-gun, “used to be a gentleman bank robber for the revolution.” ([10:51])
• Sister Mer Dragona Bow / Myrty (Hazel): Half-orc cleric, leans into “soup nun” identity, face-casts as Denise Crosby, wields a chef’s knife and ladle, perpetually carries a cauldron of magical stew. [13:19]
• Trant (Robert Evans): Human alchemist from a gunpowder family, specializes in bombs (“My whole life was living in a fucking slum making gunpowder...I make bombs and allegedly other things”). Scarred, anonymous, prefers distance tactics. [14:56]
• The group establishes in-character rapport and jibes, dropping anarchic, lefty, and queer-coded jokes.

4. The First Encounter: Outside the Ruined Mill ([17:00]–[22:54])

• The party arrives at the mill, finds entrance blocked by thick vines.
• Attempts to use bombs, knives, and muscle—chaotic teamwork, much banter about Molotovs and failed dice rolls.
• Squash: “Every time I throw a Molotov, there’s one problem, and boom, right away you get a different problem.” ([23:11])
• Eventually, brute force (and some luck) clears the way.

5. Inside the Mill: Combat with Swamp Beetles ([25:54]–[51:44])

• The floor is rotted; massive millstone sunk into muck; stairs look dangerous.
• Three dog-sized swamp beetles ambush the party, leading to everyone’s first Pathfinder 2e combat.
• Myrty casts Bless to aid the party. Spite and Squash both roll critical failures at first, while Trant hurls bombs (“That’ll teach you to be an animal I just met,” Trant after incinerating a beetle, [37:37]).
• Spite: “Can we switch dice?” ([36:49])
• Beetles fail to hit the party; group’s banter merges with tactical gameplay, joking about Beatles (the band) puns.
• Final blows splatter acid goo on those nearby, prompting:
  • Myrty: “Do you think we could eat this? Does any of this look edible? Like a lobster?” ([50:52])
  • GM Jason: “All three of you get spattered with this caustic beetle goo. All of you take one point of acid damage...” ([51:00])

6. Exploring the Mill & Party Hijinks ([53:15]–[67:39])

• The party recovers, cracks jokes about gods, soup, bombs, and pamphlet-distribution. Myrty hands out soup zines; Trant offers bomb-pamphlets (“Now, do you have some pamphlets about this—’cause this...oh, you absolutely have some pamphlets.” [57:22])
• Listening upstairs, Spite hears croaking—likely frogs.
  • Spite: “I think that there’s a bunch of frogs upstairs. They probably got trapped here by the beetles. We liberated those frogs...” ([54:32])
• Preparing to ascend, group repeatedly fails to scale a dangerous staircase. Multiple pratfalls ensue:
  • Trant: “I got one option here, and it’s blow things up. That is not climbing inclusive.” ([65:40])
• After more shenanigans and some rope-and-pulley teamwork, all make the climb (eventually).

7. Cliffhanger Ending ([67:39]–[69:51])

• The party reaches the second floor, spies a slumbering dark shape in front of a ladder to the top floor.
• GM Jason: “...Before you can find out what that is, I think we’re going to break this episode and you will have to tune in next time to learn what is slumbering at the foot of the ladder.” ([68:37])
• Speculation: is it a giant beetle? Totoro? Frog industrialist? More Beatles references and anarchic jokes cap the session.

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• Margaret ([03:06]): “The only book club where actually it’s a bunch of podcasters playing roleplaying games instead of reading books.”
• Jason (GM) ([07:08]): “The Dunmire is a gloomy and foreboding swamp, yet beauty can be found within...”
• Spite (Margaret) ([09:36]): “She has a helmet with a candle stuck to the top, so she can see where she’s going. I don’t know why everyone thinks that’s so strange.”
• Squash (IO) ([10:51]): “He’s a sturdy trunk of a boy, three feet tall, and shaped like a friend...”
• Myrty (Hazel) ([13:19]): “I have found myself as part of an erstwhile soup cult to the God... Maybe like Food Not Bombs..."
• Trant (Robert) ([14:56]): “The only thing they taught me that was of much use was how to make gunpowder. And I got too good at that...”
• Party combat banter ([23:11]):
  • Squash: “Throw a Molotov and boom, right away you got a different problem.”
  • Trant: after critting, “That’ll teach you to be an animal I just met.” ([37:37])
• Margaret ([36:49]): “Can we switch dice?”
• Squash’s Beatles puns ([42:43]): “And I get right up close to its ear and I say, it’s been a hard day’s night and I’ve been working like a dog.”
• Party’s dangerous stair climb sequence:
  • Trant: “I got one option here, and it’s blow things up. That is not climbing inclusive.” ([65:40])
  • Myrty: “I did go to climbing school; I went to scouts!” ([65:41])
  • Party eventually has to pulley Trant up after falling through.
• Margaret/Spite ([54:32]): “I think there’s a bunch of frogs upstairs. They probably got trapped here by the beetles.”
• Margaret, closing ([69:25]): “If you listen next week we’re going to wake up the Totoro giant beetle and blow up John Lennon...”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:11] – Show / RPG Setup
• [07:08] – Jason Bulman introduces setting/adventure
• [09:36] – Character introductions (Spite, Squash, Myrty, Trant)
• [17:00] – Entering the swamp; approaching the mill; party dynamics
• [22:54] – Gaining entry, failed bombs, and teamwork
• [25:54] – First combat: massive swamp beetle fight
• [51:44] – Battle aftermath, loot, and (failed) foraging/consumption attempts
• [53:15] – Climbing the rickety staircase (party slapstick)
• [67:39] – Cliffhanger: mysterious sleeping creature on upper floor

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Summary Tone & Takeaways

• Tone: Joyful irreverence, anarcho-whimsy, in-character riffing; the group’s offbeat humor (and dice failures) are as much a feature as actual combat.
• Community & Collapse Themes: The party brings their familiar anti-authoritarian, mutual-aid sensibilities into the Pathfinder universe—soup cults, bomb zines, and all.
• Tabletop Play: This episode serves as both an introduction to the Pathfinder system and a playful parody of RPG tropes (critical fails, failed teamwork, accidental comedy).
• Memorable Running Jokes: Beatles/“Beetles” puns, pamphlets for soup & bombs, anti-fascist (and anti-cephalopodic) asides, the group’s inability to climb basic obstacles without drama.
• Cliffhanger: An as-yet unrevealed threat (or friend?) awaits on the upper floor, teeing up the next installment.

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Recommended for:
Fans of TTRPGs, anyone who craves a blend of collapse/anarchist humor and RPG chaos, listeners seeking a character- and banter-driven actual play.

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Next Episode Tease:
Will the “Cool Kids at the Table” outwit the sleeping creature? Will they bomb, soup, or lecture their way into (and out of) the next predicament? As Margaret says: tune in next week!

Transcript

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[B]

Cool Zone Media.

[C]

Book Club. What have I done? Hello and welcome to Cool Zone Media Book Club. The only book club where actually it's a bunch of podcasters playing role playing games instead of reading books.

[F]

It's not at All a book.

[C]

That's right. We are trying out something new.

[D]

Yeah, fuck that library shit.

[B]

It's a lot of books.

[C]

I have so many books on my table. Because we're playing a role playing game. This week we are doing something new and we're going to be doing it for more than just this week because I don't know if you all have ever played a role playing game, but it lasts longer than an hour. I'm your host, Margaret Killjoy, But I'm not actually the game master of this game, because the game master is none other than Jason Bulman, who's the lead designer of one of the best things to happen to Tabletop roleplaying Pathfinder. If you're not familiar with Pathfinder, Pathfinder is like. But it's not, because instead I like it better than we're going to be playing fantasy characters running through a world full of, I think frogs, because the game is called dawn of Frogs. That's right.

[F]

I don't know.

[C]

There's an exclamation mark because I don't have the book because I'm not the one running it, but I like to believe there's an exclamation mark after each and every word.

[A]

Oh, there's definitely jazz hands.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Can we call them frog hands?

[B]

Yes, we sure can.

[D]

Webbed.

[C]

I have a frog hat. Why am I not wearing a frog hat?

[A]

Why are you wearing the frog hat?

[C]

This is.

[A]

You're wearing. You are wearing chainmail.

[C]

Well, it's on my character sheet. This is what I've been trying to explain to everyone the whole time when they're asking why I'm wearing chainmail. It's on my character sheet. I have chainmail. So this isn't book club. We're going to call it the Cool Kids table or Cool Kids at the table. This is not actually agreed upon. I just threw this into the script. But without further ado, I would like to introduce Jason, Hazel, IO and Robert. Who are our players and game masters? Only one of them is the game master.

[B]

Well, I guess that's my cue then. Hi there, everybody. I'm Jason Bulman. I'm the director of games at Paizo. And boy, a long time ago, I wrote a little game called Pathfinder. These days, I'm the team lead for Pathfinder second edition and all of our board games and card games and stuff. So, yeah, and I'm excited here today to be running dawn of the Frogs. It's a new adventure that I wrote, actually. So I'm excited to run all of you through it, and I'm sure you'll all do just great.

[C]

I keep calling it Rain of Frogs in my head, but rain like R E, I G H N. But that's because of Rain of Blood.

[F]

I just keep thinking there will be no dawn for the race of frogs like Gothmog and Return of the King, but instead some guy poisoning frogs.

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[C]

Yeah, that's probably what's gonna happen.

[A]

Hello, my name is Hazel Acacia. I am mostly just an assistant on this podcast. I help pick out the stories every week and write little script and write ad transitions. But I'm excited to be in front of the mic today.

[D]

Hey, I'm IO I have a cv and wouldn't you like to know it? I love to play the Game of Life and I'm a they them. And over to you, Robert.

[F]

I'm Robert. I sit on the Internet and do podcasts and sometimes, like right now, I play video games. Or not video games. Games via podcasts. That's me. There's my introduction.

[C]

We're actually just. We should just live play video games.

[D]

I've been trying to sell Margaret on this for years.

[F]

No, but without streaming Margaret, I do want. I don't know if there's a co op option for Cyberpunk 2077, but we could have some fun.

[D]

I think you'd like it, Margaret.

[F]

Mm.

[C]

I tried to play it and I hate when the game tells you what to do, but when the story's already in the game, it's not as fun to me. I like the game where you have the giant map and then everything is complicated and you run like 16 different economies and you. You can do evil things if you want to, but I actually can't bring myself to ever.

[D]

Yeah, you love like Stock Market Simulator, but in space games.

[C]

Yes, yes. Stellaris. Uh huh. Yeah.

[B]

Oh yeah, Stellaris. There were three weeks of my life.

[C]

I'm totally neurotypical. But yeah, those are the players. What's the game, Jason?

[B]

Well, today everybody, we're going to be playing dawn of the Frogs. And without further ado, I think I'm gonna just get us going. The Dunmire is a gloomy and foreboding swamp, yet beauty can be found within. In some spots, the sun's light rarely reaches the water through the foliage above, while in others, brightly colored swamp flowers and insects seem almost to sparkle. The town of Bog Bottom isn't a big place, but it's one the locals have called home for generations. Yet now that some of the townsfolk have gone missing near an old mill deep in the swamp. Someone needs to find out what happened to them. Spoilers. That someone is you. The journey to the crumbling landmark takes several hours, and while arduous, it's uneventful. Many predators lurk in the swamp, but there's been no sign of their presence so far, far off. Frogs chirp and croak, and flies buzz dreamily. The crumbling wooden mill stands amid the mist, half sunken into the swamp. The front door has been rotted away, but the entrance is mostly blocked by thick vines. Someone could possibly squeeze through these vines or perhaps try and cut them loose. Perhaps a clue to the villagers fate lies within. Now, the group of you have been in Bog Bottom for some time. You arrived there several days ago, having just fled from your most recent exploits. And when news came to you that these villagers were missing, you saw an opportunity, perhaps to earn some small amount of redemption, or perhaps even more importantly, to earn some coin to fill your empty pockets. The four of you have been traveling for a few hours. This old crumbling mill is not too far away from the swampy community of Bog Bottom. And now you stand with the mill somewhere up in the distance. It's perhaps, you know, a hundred feet away or so, looking at each other, sizing up the situation and preparing for adventure. But before we do that, I think we're gonna throw it around the horn and let everybody introduce their characters. Maybe tell us a little bit about what you look like and kind of what you're kitted out with. What do we see when we look upon you? Spite. Why don't we start with you?

[C]

Well, Spite is my name. It's my given name. I've been named much like everyone else. Where I grew up, we get named after the virtues. You know, I probably talk about my sister Malice a lot. I really look up to her. Spite is probably all of 19 or 20 years old. She's not 100% certain. And the Kressh doesn't keep really exact dates. She's wearing chainmail. She has a helmet with a candle stuck to the top, you know, so she can see where she's going. I don't know why everyone thinks that's so strange. And she does a lot of things that she doesn't realize people realize are strange. All of her outfit is completely black and red, just like normal outfits should be. And she's wearing chainmail. She has a Morningstar that she almost always has out because it's practically a fidget spinner. There's a couple javelins strapped to her pack, and that's spite. She's human. Yeah, she's pretty sure she doesn't actually know her birth parents are. That kind of stuff is a bourgeois. Like keeping track of actual birth parents does not fly. Or spite is from squash.

[B]

Why don't you go next?

[D]

Well, imagine a halfling. Great, you're doing it. Now imagine a dog. Not so fast. This dog stands like a man does, but with thumbs, the whole thing. He's a shoony, which are nasty little dog men. He's a sturdy trunk of a boy, three feet tall and the shape like a friend. He has a canine face, but if you like smush down the snoot until the sinuses were kind of a dead end, where the air would go in and spin around the brain and shoot right back out. Fans of phrenology listening may describe his skull shape as fucked up. He has piercing green eyes positioned somewhere between predator and prey, often facing the same direction. His friendly face is positively littered with jowls and folds and tufts of unruly bad boy cowlicks that were you to see it in our world, you would think, ah, a monument to man's hubris or maybe some sort of joke that God is playing on wolves. But in this crazy mixed up world of pathfinder, he's a New York 8. He has long flowing hair that can only be described as bitchin'. And he wears a military style beret right on top of his damn head. A belly button so deep it touches his skin. Spine. He wears a half cape and a chainmail crop top with a Mediterranean chest hair situation trailing down to leather. Cut off breeches to cut a figure we can all agree is really, really sexy. He's got a big knife that's also a gun with the serial number filed off so it looks like the fucking buster sword taped to a derringer. He used to be a gentleman bank robber for the revolution until he got caught because he kept shooting his name into the side of banks. But these fine adventurers all busted him out. What else? His pronouns. Any pronouns, despite exclusively referring to himself as a he. Yeah, he's one of those kinds of guys, but don't let that fool ya. This guy's great and podcast listeners across the nation agree he's got a lot of heart, a lot of chutzpah, and what the French call a certain. I don't know what his name is. Squash. Please don't wear it out.

[C]

I'm so glad I'm not following you.

[B]

Myrty. I do not envy you, but you can follow up That.

[A]

I didn't write myself a script for how to introduce my character. So listeners, please bear with me. I am playing sister Mer Dragona bow, also known as she. Uses she her pronouns. I am a half orc cleric for you nerds out there. Technically, I worship erastal. However, I have found myself as part of an erstwhile soup cult to the God. You know, we're all about taking care of the community. We hand out food, we give alms. You know, maybe like food, not bombs. Maybe like a catholic worker. Who's to say I would face cast meridy if I was making the HBO special as tng era Denise Crosby. I've got light green gray skin and jet black straight hair. Got triangle bangs, you know the kind, slick back, low bun, if you care about that kind of stuff. I'm wearing a black linen dress, which is a line and sensibly swooshy. I got leather pouches and pockets on a belt around my waist, Sort of like a waitress apron. Again, fitting with the. The soup nun theme. Got leather armor, so sort of like a cute tight fitting crop top out of leather. Just imagine it. Draw me some nice fan art. Yeah, and I got one cool pauldron. Very important. You can often see me wielding a soup ladle and a chef's knife. And I also have a cauldron full of a magical perpetual stew on a bindle for easy carrying Murdy.

[D]

We love murdy.

[C]

Sup, nun?

[A]

Soup nun.

[B]

Last but certainly not least, Trant, introduce yourself.

[F]

Well, yeah, so, you know, unlike the boss, where I come from, they didn't name us for our virtues. So I got named for my dad. And he was not a guy with a lot of virtues. Alkenstar is a nice city for some people, but not my family. My dad and my dad's dad made gunpowder. And they raised me not to make waves, not to complain, not to have an issue with the fact that, you know, my whole life was living in a fucking slum making gunpowder. The only thing they taught me that was of much use was how to make gunpowder. And I got too good at that. And then I did some things with it that made me have to leave town in a hurry, which is how I met up with this crew who had some ideas for how to use the stuff I knew how to make that I preferred to the things I was raised to do. So that's what I do. I make bombs and allegedly other things that all have more or less the same goal, which is to cause problems for anyone in an area that I don't really like what's going on there, or I'm just kind of bored and I want something loud to happen. All of these things are acceptable. I'm about six foot, nondescript looking, which has been helpful in the past because it's really nice not to get recognized. I try to wear a mask whenever I'm doing anything particularly interesting. I keep as many bombs on me as I feel like I can wear without exploding, and I usually avoid that, although not always. As you can tell from the scars on my hands and, and my neck and a couple other parts of my body that I don't generally share with other members of the adventuring troupe because it's a bad idea to shit where you eat. I keep a couple of holdout pistols, one under each shoulder, and I keep a blunderbuss on my back in case, you know, I need faster solutions to problems. But I really prefer to solve things with the mix of gunpowder and alchemy. It's just easier that way. You don't have to be there, you don't have to see what happens afterwards. You can just watch the pretty lights and then run like hell.

[C]

The reason we're in a backwater like Bog Bottom is because, as people might have guessed from what they heard, we blew up a jail and let everyone out. And we thought everyone in town would treat us like heroes. And shockingly they did not.

[F]

In my experience, they never do when you blow something up, even when you give them soup.

[D]

I really can't thank you enough.

[B]

So for the people of Bog Bottom, they might see four fresh faced adventurers, but in reality they have four dangerous malcontents in their midst. But there are villagers that need rescue. And as I mentioned before, your coin purses are very light right now. In fact, the sea captain that brought you to the isle of Kortos dropped you off at the shore when he found out you didn't have enough money to make it all the way to Absalom. So you were just kind of left at the shore. You're lucky he didn't drop you off in the middle of the inner sea.

[F]

I offered to pay him with a bomb and he took that as some sort of threat. I don't know.

[B]

As it turns out, boats don't really like bomb payments.

[D]

Bombs ain't cheap.

[B]

Not good for him.

[F]

We're gonna pay him later anyway, possibly with a bomb.

[D]

Oh, I'll pay him.

[C]

Uh huh.

[D]

That's Sourpuss.

[C]

He's oppressing people. I'm a champion. Just by the.

[B]

Yeah, he's oppressing people by demanding that you pay him.

[C]

Uh huh. Yeah.

[D]

Fucking fascists. Everywhere I look.

[B]

So the four of you are currently standing outside of this old mill. The base of this mill is made of fieldstone. The upper floors look like they're made of wood. The entire thing is tilting kind of dangerously to one side. This is a windmill, and most of its blades are fallen off. There's like the fragment of one and the skeleton of another still attached to the front of the building. Although you can't imagine that the mill's inner workings are intact at all. In fact, you can see one of the kind of blades laying in the swamp muck next to you. Up ahead, you can see the darkened entrance that goes inside the mill's interior. You're here primarily because the people who went missing were out in this area doing some swamp fishing and they just never came back. So you've arrived at this kind of old crumbling mill. As I mentioned before, the way in looks kind of blocked. There's vines. You could maybe squeeze through it or perhaps you could cut them away. There are, I'm sure, other options as well. This being a swamp, it is pretty damp and muddy around these parts. The ground underneath you kind of makes a squelching noise with every step. But as you get closer to the mill itself, there is a bit more firmer ground.

[C]

Does it look like anyone's been here? Like, does it look like, like, Are the vines disturbed in any way?

[B]

It definitely looks like the vines haven't fully grown over the opening. So it's quite possible that something's been going interact. But if you want to know more about whether or not perhaps anybody's been coming this way recently, I would ask for one of you to make me a survival check to look for tracks.

[C]

Any of us any good at that?

[D]

I got plus three.

[A]

I'm decent at that. I've got plus four.

[B]

All right, go ahead and give me a survival skill check then.

[C]

All right, first roll of the game.

[A]

That is a 10 on the dice. So a total of 14.

[B]

Looking around, you can tell that there are definitely some tracks in the muck, but it's a little hard for you to make out whether or not they're humanoid tracks or perhaps animal tracks. The ground here is just so soft that the recent rains and mists have kind of worn it into just kind of a morass. It's clear that there's been some traffic, though.

[C]

Hey, Squash. Every time I step, it sounds like your name.

[B]

Squash. Squash Squish.

[D]

The swamp is alive with the Sound of squash Is this mill. This mill's pretty dilapidated.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it doesn't look like this mill has been in use for several years at least.

[D]

Is there some, like, crumbling infrastructure? Maybe a cool dog could do a flip into like big holes in the.

[B]

Roof that's way too high up. I mean, the mill itself is probably about 40ft tall.

[D]

You don't know this dog, but.

[B]

Point taken. Your acrobatic skills are truly legendary. But you're pretty sure you couldn't flip up that high. Your best bet is going to be to try to wiggle through the vines or cut them away or something.

[C]

I take out a dagger and walk up and start cutting vines.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

This is going to take forever. Trance.

[F]

You know, I could do that faster.

[C]

Good point, good point.

[F]

I step back, I'm going to grab one of my. What are they called? The bombs? No, no, I've got. I've got bombs. I don't want to use them. I've got a versatile flask. Can I use one of those to make a lesser alchemist's fire and try to burn the shit away?

[B]

Yeah, you can give that a shot. So you, you break out your versatile vial and using some of the reagents that you have on, you, kind of squirreled away in the many pouches that you have.

[F]

See, this is why I've been collecting and drying pee, everybody, by the way. Oh, saltpeter doesn't just grow on trees.

[C]

I thought you just were composting it kinda.

[A]

The issue isn't that I didn't believe you. The issue is that I did believe you.

[B]

So why don't you go ahead and throw a bomb? So go ahead and make an attack roll.

[F]

Yes. Okay. Okay, I got my D20.

[C]

I'm standing back, by the way. I know I was up there with a knife a moment ago, but I leave.

[F]

That's a good move because that roll did not turn out great. That's a four. And then, let's see here. What am I plus plus five. So nine.

[B]

Well, it doesn't quite hit the mark. The bomb kind of hits the wall next to it. And while it does sear some of the vines a bit, you're gonna wager that they're so damp and kind of swollen with swamp muck that your bomb really probably isn't gonna have too much of an effect. Unless you wanna use a lot of them.

[C]

You know, there are problems that Molotovs don't solve. I say.

[F]

All right, I think I've got. I mean, we could try a reverse Molotov. I could freeze him.

[C]

Oh, I thought reverse Molotov was, like, drinking it or something.

[F]

That's called a good Thursday.

[D]

Every time I throw a Molotov, there's one problem, and you throw a Molotov and boom, right away you got a different problem. Definitely stole that jump anyway.

[C]

Yeah, team, I'm going to cut it with my knife.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Let's go back to sword.

[B]

All right, so this isn't going to be an attack roll. It's more like, can you pry it open and use your blades and weapons to destroy it? So we're going to call it an athletics check. Anybody got athletics? You can try that.

[C]

Oh, I'm good at that.

[B]

Yeah. Why don't you give me an athletics check?

[C]

In the Kressh they make us. I mean, we choose to run every day and do a lot of exercises for the revolution and the glory of God. I am too busy saying that to actually be paying attention to what I'm doing. So I rolled a two, and I got a total of nine.

[F]

Off to a great start.

[C]

Yeah, I have a seven at this goddamn thing.

[B]

The dice rolling here is just phenomenal.

[D]

We're really screaming.

[C]

This is actually a historically cursed die, but it's the prettiest, so I always use it.

[D]

Aesthetics will be the death of you.

[B]

I can't fault you. So you begin working at these vines, but you're just not having much luck. No matter how you try. There seems to be just more vines. There's just more and more here. Would someone else like to try? Someone with less cursed dice?

[C]

I think this is actually impossible. I say, there's no way they could have gone in here.

[D]

I spit on both my hands and rub them together, and I say, like, let's see your God try this. And I pull out my big goddamn sword and try and pry this bad boy open.

[C]

I step back again.

[D]

Wait, what am I rolling?

[B]

An athletics check.

[D]

Okay, that's a 14.

[B]

So you continue to work away at these vines, and after a bit of struggle, you've managed to clear a wide enough way that you think everybody could possibly squeeze inside.

[D]

That's right, baby.

[B]

It might take a little bit of effort, but you're wagering that everybody could kind of worm their way in there.

[D]

I raise my arms and say, squash, and I wriggle on inside.

[C]

I use the mud to say your name.

[F]

I'm just saying we could have used more bombs.

[C]

Ice. Making squishing noises. And then I follow you.

[F]

Yeah. I head in.

[A]

Yeah, I'm also following.

[D]

You're right. We should have used more bombs and everyone gets inside and they see Squash pissing freely into a empty soda can and giving Trant a big thumbs up.

[B]

So you all manage to squeeze inside. The floor inside the old mill has rotted away and the massive millstone has sunken halfway into the muck. A sagging staircase nearby leads up to the floor above. Suddenly the mud stirs as a trio of dog sized swamp beetles erupt up from the filth.

[C]

Oh neat.

[D]

Oh brother.

[B]

Alright everybody, we are about to go into our first combat.

[C]

It's too late to already have my shield and morning Star out.

[B]

Yeah, I'm afraid it is.

[C]

That's how it goes.

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For almost a decade, the murder of an 18 year old girl from a small town in Graves County, Kentucky went unsolved until a local homemaker, a journalist and a handful of girls came forward with a story.

[C]

I'm telling you.

[B]

We know Quincy killed her.

[E]

We know a story that law enforcement used to convict six people and that got the citizen investigator on national TV.

[F]

Through sheer persistence and nerve. This Kentucky housewife helped give justice to Jessica Curran.

[E]

My name is Maggie Freeling. I'm a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist producer and I wouldn't be here if the truth were that easy to find.

[B]

I did not know her and I did not kill her or rape or.

[D]

Burn or any of that other stuff.

[C]

That y' all said.

[B]

They literally made me say that I took a match and struck and threw it on her. They made me say that I poured gas on her.

[E]

From Lava For Good. This is Graves County, a show about just how far our legal system will go in order to find someone to blame.

[B]

America, y' all better wake the hell up. Bad things happens to good people and small towns.

[E]

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Michael Lewis here. My book the Big Short tells the story of the buildup and birth of.

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It follows a few unlikely but lucky people who saw the real estate market for the black hole it would become and eventually made billions of dollars from that perception. It was like feeding the monster, said Eisman. We fed the monster until it blew up. The monster was exploding. Yet on the streets of Manhattan, there was no sign anything important had just happened. Now, 15 years after the Big Short's original release and a decade after it became became an Academy Award winning movie, I've recorded an audiobook edition for the very first time. The Big Short story. What it means when people start betting against the market and who really pays for an unchecked financial system is as relevant today as it's ever been, offering invaluable insight into the current economy and also today's politics. Get the Big Short now at Pushkin fm Audiobooks or wherever audiobooks are sold. So we've got three of these massive swamp beetles. Like I said, these things are about two and a half feet long and they just come burrowing up out of the muck. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna ask each of you to roll initiative. And in Pathfinder, you can roll a lot of things for initiative, but for this first fight, we're gonna have you roll perception. So go ahead and give me a perception check. Keep the number to yourself here just for a moment, and I will go around and collect it from you.

[F]

Great. Ooh, yeah.

[C]

I don't think I'm gonna go anywhere without my shield out in the Future.

[B]

That is certainly something we can know tomorrow. All right, why don't I go around and collect everyone's initiative. Murty, what did you get?

[A]

I got a 15 on the dice, so that is 22.

[B]

22. All right, that's pretty good. Squash, what do you got?

[D]

Also 22.

[B]

Which one of you would like to go first? It's your choice.

[A]

I can give everybody like a pretty decent boon. We want to take advantage of that.

[D]

I love a boon share.

[B]

All right, we'll leave it like that. Trance, what do you got?

[F]

I got a 17.

[B]

17 and spite, what did you get?

[C]

Rolled a 15 for a total of 19.

[B]

Well, you all beat the initiative of my poor, poor beetles, who did very poorly. All right, everybody, here we are in the first round of combat. So we've got three beetles that have come burrowing up out of the muck. It looks like crawling up out of this swamp. Goofy has really slowed them down, giving you all quite the edge at the top of the order. Squash, you get to go first.

[F]

Squash.

[D]

Trying to pull his pants up after trying to make what was sure to be a beautiful bomb. One hand shoots from the hip. His big sword, that's also a gun. His gun sword shoots whichever beetle's closest.

[B]

So you're gonna draw your weapon and you're gonna fire. So that's two of your actions.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Bang. Looking at where you're at, it looks like you're gonna be firing at that first beetle over there on the left. It's kind of crawling up around the millstone. Between the millstone and the ruins stairs. So go ahead and give me an attack roll.

[D]

It's not what I want it to be. So I rolled a six plus seven, for a total of 13.

[B]

The bullet from your pistol goes gliding right past the beetle, just barely missing it, impacting the muck right behind it. Now I believe you're gonna have to reload that pistol so you cannot fire it again for your third action. But you could reload. Ugh. Ah. Oof.

[D]

I'm reloading. This guy's gonna fucking get it next time.

[B]

Alright, so you take a shot with your pistol. It comes up a hair short. And then you take a moment to reload. That is the end of Squash's turn. Next up, Murdy. We've got beetles all around you. They are uninjured. Their mandibles are clicking menacingly. What do you do?

[A]

They seem nasty. So I am gonna raise my shield and I'm gonna cast bless. Which as a spell counts for two actions. And it's Gonna give myself and my allies a one status bonus to all attack rolls, as long as you stay within 15ft of me.

[B]

All right, so that is currently everybody, because you just clustered in after crawling through the vines. So everybody has that bonus on attack rolls. And after calling down the blessings of Aristyl to the group, that is the end of Murdy's turn Spite, we're turning it over to you. Will your namesake hold up?

[C]

I'm going to use my defensive advance that is blessed upon me. I learned it in school when I worshiped Melani, the goddess that I worship. So I'm going to raise my shield stride confidently forward, right out of range of the bless spell, right next to that beetle to my right. And also, oh, before I do this, I'm drawing my Morningstar, and then I'm using this two action thing that lets me raise my shield stride and strike. All right, so that's what I'm doing. And when I mentioned that this die does not roll particularly well, I would like to say that the total I got was an 8, but the number I rolled was a 1, so that.

[B]

Would be a critical failure. You swing wildly around your Morningstar, flailing through the air, nearly hitting Trent right in the face because he's right next to you and just within a hair's breadth of his nose. But you otherwise don't suffer any ill effects. The beetle kind of looks at you like, were you trying to hit me?

[D]

Did I fucking hit?

[C]

I rolled max on my damage. I rolled Max damage because I rolled at the same time you nearly did.

[B]

Max damage to your friend's face. But the beetle is unscathed.

[C]

That's my turn.

[B]

Well, Trance, we're down to you. Next up, the Beetles. Go. The rest of your cohort has bravely not damaged any beetles yet, so it's down to you.

[D]

All right, Save me, trains.

[F]

Don't worry, boss. I got this. Fire in the hole. And then I'm gonna throw an Alchemist fire at the nearest beetle right in front of spite.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Now, I do happen to know that you are a bomber. And being a bomber means that you do have the option of having the splash damage from your bomb only hit the beetle. Because when you throw a bomb, it causes splash damage, so it damages the area around it. But you don't have to use that ability. The question I have for you is whether or not you are.

[F]

Yeah, yeah, it's the boss.

[B]

All right.

[F]

Unless I miss. Unless there's a mistake.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Oh, I rolled a natural 20.

[B]

Well, that's definitely gonna Work.

[C]

Can we switch dice?

[B]

The beetle, who was entirely missed by the previous attack, is kind of just looking around and kind of disoriented. And you, from just right over Spite's shoulder, toss this alchemist's fire directly into its little beetle face. So go ahead and roll damage. D8 for the Alchemist Fire. Just roll one.

[C]

It snatches it out of the air.

[B]

With its mouth, reflexively, as if trying to play fetch.

[F]

7.

[B]

Seven points of damage, which is entirely doubled, plus the splash damage. You immolate this beetle. The alchemist's fire lands on the beetle, shattering across its carapace and cooking it thoroughly. In one moment, the beetle has been destroyed.

[F]

That'll teach you to be an animal. I just met.

[C]

Oh, we are in its house. I hadn't thought of the moral complications of this before. Oh, gosh.

[F]

Fast. If your God wanted that beetle alive, I wouldn't have hit it so hard.

[C]

That's a good point.

[B]

So that was only your first action because you have quick bomber. So you do still have two more actions.

[F]

Can I throw another bomb?

[B]

You can, but remember in Pathfinder, each attack you make in one turn after the first takes a penalty. That penalty is usually 5.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

I mean, but if you keep rolling 20s, it doesn't.

[F]

Yeah, I think I'm gonna throw it at the one most directly in front of me. I guess I can step up in front of Margaret and then take a throw.

[B]

Yeah, you could move forward a hair if you want. Yeah, no problem.

[F]

Then I'm gonna hurl another bomb.

[B]

One of the beetles is crawling up over the half sunken millstone, and you just lob the bomb directly at it. So go ahead.

[F]

I brought a housewarming present. I did not. That's gonna be an eight for a total of. I guess it's minus five plus. Plus your bonus plus my bonus, which with these, is five. So just an eight. That just cancels out.

[B]

Well, that's convenient. So this bomb goes soaring over the beetle, landing just behind it. Now, because it's a bomb and you missed, you didn't critically miss. It still explodes right next to the beetle and does the splash damage to it. So it is still gonna take one point of fire damage.

[F]

There you go. I got him started.

[B]

So the beetle has been slightly singed. And that is the end of your turn.

[C]

My moms did always say they hated the beetles. This must be what they meant.

[B]

Clearly, the beetles, having seen one of their ilk burned down to the exoskeleton, are clicking with furious anger as the first one comes marching up to squash its mandibles clicking wildly. And it is going to come up to squash and attempt to bite you with its mandibles.

[D]

Good luck.

[B]

So I'm gonna get a grand total of eight, which is not going to be enough to hit you. I can't imagine. Your AC is undoubtedly better than an 8.

[D]

Absolutely it is.

[B]

So that is not going to do it. And with its final action, it's going to attempt to bite you again, even though it has a remote chance of getting hitting. No, that's definitely not going to do it either. So that beetle comes up and furiously attempts to catch you with its mandibles, but frankly, you're able to dance away from its bite without too much trouble. The other beetle, this one was lightly scorched by the alchemist fire, is going to crawl up to the front of this millstone right next to Trant, its beetle legs clicking across the stone surface. And as it makes its way up to you, Trant is going to attempt to to bite you with its mandibles. Do you have an armor class of 16 or less?

[F]

Nope. 17 baby. Better beetles than you have tried.

[B]

The beetle desperately tries to get a hold of you, even getting so close as to get its mandibles around your overcoat, but it does not manage to connect, and you pull away safely.

[F]

You gotta learn how to move fast when you make bombs.

[B]

With its final action, it's going to attempt to attack you once again. Terrible. Does a terrible job. Its mandibles close around nothing but air with a roll. A grand total of a.

[C]

Four first level fights, baby.

[B]

Yeah, you know, hey, you live by the die, you die by the die. In this case, the beetles are not looking too good. All right, we're back to the top of the order. Squash. It's back to you. What do you do?

[D]

I'm gonna draw my glaive and I'm gonna run this little bastard through.

[B]

All right, so you draw your glaive. That's your first action. And for your second action, you're gonna go ahead and make an attack. So. So why don't you go ahead and give me an attack roll?

[A]

Hmm.

[D]

Well, it is one, is the thing. I rolled a one, so it is.

[B]

It is a complete miss then. So you bring the huge glaive down, attempting to crush the beetle, but the glaive is so long, you actually miss the beetle entirely and hit the muk behind it. You can make another attack, but that had no effect.

[F]

Mmm.

[D]

It's better than nothing.

[A]

And you are still close to me, so you're taking plus one or less.

[C]

So a total of a plus three, I think.

[B]

Great. All right, one more.

[C]

Again.

[D]

I rolled a 14 for a total of 17.

[B]

All right, this one is going to connect. Your glaive does manage to catch the beetle's carapace. Go ahead and roll. Damage.

[D]

That's a five and I get a plus two on my glaive. So seven Damage.

[B]

Your glaive catches the beetle in the back of its carapace and it splits open, spilling a sickly white goo into the swamp. The beetle is dead.

[F]

Yes.

[D]

And I get right up close to its ear and I say, it's been a hard day's night and I've been working like a dog.

[C]

But do you know what else kills?

[F]

I mean, the real Ringo who killed, you know, or was killed by the fake Ringo, I guess. So the fake Ringo. The current Ringo killed the real Ringo. Sorry, who?

[C]

Also, I believe it's one of the Ringos that sponsors our show. Is that correct?

[F]

It's the dead Ringo.

[C]

The dead Ringo sponsors our show.

[F]

It was the only thing in his will.

[C]

Yeah, and I think some other ads too. But the most important thing is that dead Ringo has sponsored this show.

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[B]

All I know is what I've been told and that to have truth is a whole lie.

[E]

For almost a decade, the murder of an 18 year old girl from a small town in Graves County, Kentucky went unsolved until a local homemaker, a journalist and a handful of girls came forward with a story.

[B]

I'm telling you, we know Quincy killed her.

[E]

We know a story that law enforcement used to convict six people and that got the citizen investigator on national tv.

[F]

Through sheer persistence and nerve, this Kentucky housewife helped give justice to Jessica Curran.

[E]

My name is Maggie Freeling. I'm a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist producer and I wouldn't be here if the truth were that easy to find.

[B]

I did not know her and I did not kill her or rape or.

[D]

Burn or any of that other stuff.

[C]

That y' all said.

[B]

They literally made me say that I took a match and struck and threw it on her. They made me say that I poured gas on her.

[E]

From Lava for good. This is Graves County, a show about just how far our legal system will go in order to find someone to blame.

[B]

America, y' all better wake the hell up. Bad things happens to good people and small towns.

[E]

Listen to Graves county in the Bone Valley feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to binge the entire season ad free. Subscribe to Lava for Good plus on Apple Podcasts.

[C]

I'm Jonathan Goldstein. And on the new season of Heavyweight.

[B]

I help a centenarian mend a broken heart. How can a 101-year-old woman fall in love again?

[C]

And I help a man atone for.

[B]

An armed robbery he committed at 14 years old. And so I pointed the gun at him and said, this isn't a joke. And he got down.

[F]

And I remember feeling kind of a.

[C]

Surge of like, okay, this is Power Plus. My old friend Gregor and his brother.

[B]

Tried to solve my problems through hypnotism.

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We could give you a whole brand.

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New thing where you're like super charming all the time, being more able to.

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Look people in the eye, not always.

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Hide behind a microphone, listen to heavyweight.

[B]

On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or.

[C]

Wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back.

[F]

Yeah, a quick correction. It was actually Pete Best that sponsored the show.

[B]

Sorry, apologies.

[C]

We make mistakes all the time. Unfortunately, there's no way to go back and edit, so.

[F]

Just like the Beatles when they replaced Pete Best with Ringo anyway.

[C]

Or when they recorded those songs. Yeah, I actually have nothing against the beat. I don't actually care one way or the other about this.

[B]

These swamp beetles beg to differ. Speaking of which, we are back in the middle of combat. Two of the three beetles are now dead, and all that remains is one perched atop the millstone, slightly singed by a bomb. My. It is your turn.

[A]

All right, I am paying very close attention to my bless spell to keep it up. I am going to run right up to the beetle next to Trant. Let's see if I can get this thing to move on. Roll 20 and that should be within my 25 move.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

And then because the beetle's like, up on the millstone, I want to take my souplatal and, like, try to deck it and get it to fall off of the thing. I'm just gonna roll my club. I rolled a 17 on the die plus my 3.3bonus is 20.20Connects right with.

[B]

Its little beetle face.

[A]

Okay, And I did two damage.

[B]

Two damage. Not enough to drive it from the millstone, but plenty enough to irritate it. The beetle looks at you menacingly, its mandibles snapping. You still have one action left.

[A]

Yeah, I'm doing the eye point thing. I've got two. I don't know how to describe this real podcaster.

[B]

You're matching its gaze with your fingers.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a peace sign, but for violence.

[C]

All peace signs are for violence. That's how we get peace.

[B]

Spite. You are up next, ready for some more peaceful violence.

[C]

I'm going to pacify this beetle. I'm going to use defensive advance. I'm going to step up to the left of Mirdy. All right, And I am going to raise my shield, stride forward confidently, and this time, remember how to hold the morning star and get a 17 on the die for a total of 24. Oh, 25. 25. Is that a crit?

[B]

25 is a critical hit. You bring the morning star down, cracking it right in the middle of its carapace. Go ahead and roll damage and double it for me.

[C]

Alright, So I got 3 plus 4 is 7, times 2 is 14 damage.

[B]

There is now a gooey smear where There was at one point in time, a beetle.

[C]

Oh, that's kind of gross. I say.

[F]

Ew.

[D]

Yuck.

[A]

Do you think we could eat this? Does any of this look edible? Like a lobster.

[B]

Well. So there's one thing I need to resolve real quickly. When you smash this beetle, this beetle spatters when it dies, and it splashes all three of you. That would be all three of you that are right up next to it. That is spite. Murty and Trant. All three of you get spattered with this caustic beetle goo. All of you take one point of acid damage as the beetle's innards scorch and burn your skin.

[F]

You calling that acid? I've taken worse acid damage from me.

[B]

It is really more of a love singe at this point.

[D]

I have a big handful of goo that I shake off my hand. It's just like, no goo for squash today.

[B]

Yeah, you're lucky because technically, squash. I forgot they had that ability. You should have taken a point of damage as well when you killed the beetle next to you.

[D]

What are you gonna do?

[B]

I forgot. So I guess you're immune.

[D]

You heard it, everyone. That's canon forever.

[B]

No, I'm gonna errata that right now.

[A]

I have so many rags in all of my pack and my cookware for wiping down surfaces. We can get this taken care of. No big deal.

[C]

I just, like, hold out my arms in hand for you to clean off.

[B]

Fortunately, the acid, the moment it's exposed to air, it apparently neutralizes pretty quick. It's just that initial exposure that burns for a moment. But yeah, the three beetles have now been defeated. The last of the beetles lies dead on the floor, leaving this area open for exploration. Although the ground floor of the old mill is now quiet and still, somewhere above on another floor, two creatures are having a conversation. The only way up appears to be a rickety staircase that sags off the nearby wall, looking like it might collapse at any moment. So now that combat's done and you're inside the mill, you can. There's a lot of things you could do, right? You could take a look around, see if there is anything to be discovered down here on the ground floor of the mill. You could perhaps listen in on these voices and see what there is to hear. You could take a look at the stairs. You could even start trying to climb the stairs, but there doesn't seem to be any active threats down here on the ground floor.

[F]

I'm going to prep another couple of alchemist fires from of my quick stashes while we Were searching around.

[B]

You're gonna get your versatile vials back because you're down at least one of those.

[F]

I'm down one and yeah, another. Well, two more actually.

[C]

So, yeah.

[A]

Does anybody care to be healed for a single healing point?

[C]

Oh, I'm okay. It just stings a little.

[F]

I kinda like it.

[D]

Can I listen in to what the conversation is or is it just too faint?

[B]

You can attempt to give me a perception. Sure.

[C]

I'm gonna do this also.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I would also like to try to listen.

[D]

That's a 10 plus 5 for a total of 15.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I have 8 plus 7, which is also 15.

[C]

I have a 19 plus 4 for a total of 23.

[B]

So my squash. The two of you kind of listen in, but between you're kind of squelching in the muck below and just the general sounds of the swamp, you don't make out much, but spite your hearing is just a hair cleaner. And although you can't make out what is being said, you can make out what sounds to be like a low rumbling kind of guttural sound. It almost sounds like croaking.

[C]

When you say croaking, am I able to be like that sounds like a giant thing frog, or is this like more of a. I don't think those are people talking. I think that there's a bunch of frogs upstairs. They probably got trapped here by the beetles because if they came down, the beetles would have killed them. And so we were saving the innocent frogs by killing those beetles. We liberated those frogs upstairs.

[D]

Yes. Great work, spite.

[F]

Yeah, whatever you say, boss.

[C]

Sure.

[D]

That's what happened.

[B]

So Trance still needs some time to finish making his vials. So while that's happening, the rest of you can look around the area, Take a look at the stairs. If there's anything else you want to do, you have a few moments to do it. Trance. Vials takes 10 minutes to make.

[F]

I'm making one of them. One of them's acid. I'm just scooping up some beetle goop for it.

[C]

If it's a 10 minute thing, then I might heal myself with lay on hands and then refocus. Sure.

[B]

That could be what you do. Yeah, that's easy.

[C]

And so I. I reach down and I touch my hand and I whisper, melanie, I got burned, but I was doing good. And then Melani magically heals my hand. And then I sit down and I take off my helmet and I light the candle and I pray over my helmet for about 10 minutes, silently staring at everyone who gets too close.

[D]

Squash is looking at this and it's just like, damn, maybe I should get into God or something.

[B]

Maybe I should find religion.

[D]

That seems pretty, pretty bitchin'. I turn to Mirdy and I say, you worship? What is it, a rascal? I'm a bit of a rascal myself. What's this guy's deal?

[A]

What's a Rastal's deal or what's Melani's? I don't know shit about Melania. Honestly, I don't even know that much about Arastal. I'm just kinda here for the soup, dad.

[D]

My kinda guy.

[B]

Show up for the prayers about family and home and hearthstone. Stay for the soup. All right, so it sounds like Spite and Trent are busy. That leaves Murdy and Squash. You've had a bit of a discussion about religion. Do you want to take a look around? Do you want to take a look at the stairs? Is there anything you want to do before we just kind of move forward?

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Do we want to try to climb the stairs? I have a climbing kit on me and I could try to rig something to make it safer to climb the stairs.

[D]

That's smart. I'm in the middle of being like, what do you think about, like, God? Like I've been hearing about God 2, the sequel to God. Oh, you're getting out okay. Yeah, no, let's go up the stairs. But let's be really, let's be stealthy about it.

[A]

Yeah. The God that I'm into is into doing things and not so much into thinking specific thoughts.

[F]

I mean, if you're looking for something to believe in more powerful than yourself, I can suggest bombs.

[C]

I glare at everyone for talking so loudly.

[B]

They're very trustworthy.

[D]

Now, do you have some pamphlets about this?

[F]

Because this second I absolutely have some pamphlets. Now if you get caught with one of these pamphlets, you will get in a lot of trouble.

[A]

But yes, I do have zines in my inventory and I will hand one to Squash about how to make soup for 300.

[F]

I have a similar pamphlet about bombs.

[D]

I'm unzipping my backpack and taking a bunch of. A bunch of zines. I'm taking out lembis bread and stuff.

[F]

Now this is a How to make bombs for 300 pamphlet. So you just gotta divide the amount of fertilizer by 300 to make a one person bomb. Don't fuck that part up.

[D]

Okay, taking notes.

[C]

Are we gonna make the food and bombs joke now?

[D]

Why can't be both?

[B]

That depends on how much chili you can make. Merty, can you give me A perception check as you're taking a look at these stairs.

[A]

I sure can. That was a 13 on the die, plus 7 is 20.

[B]

So you take a look at the stairs, and you notice that one section in particular looks kind of dangerous. The rest of it, it looks safe, and you can just climb it. I mean, it's stairs. Like, you don't have to make a check to go up a set of stairs. But there is one part of it that looks frankly, kind of rotten and rickety. And you're gonna wager folks could either jump over that or they could just kind of risk going across it quickly. Now, I'll say this. You have a climber's kit, you said?

[A]

I sure do, Jason.

[B]

So if you wanted to break out some of the pieces of your climbers kit and make me, let's say an athletics check to kind of scale through the area and put in some pitons, I'll give everyone that comes behind you a bonus.

[A]

Jason, could I talk you into letting me do a crafting check instead?

[B]

No damn good strategy unless you're gonna go and start whittling out some new stairs. That's not a crafting check. I'm gonna need you to make an athletics check.

[A]

I disagree, but all right.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Get him. Get him.

[A]

I'm gonna think really hard about my time in the equivalent of Boy Scouts, but for a rastle. But I'm gonna cast guidance, which gives me a plus one.

[B]

Good idea, which.

[A]

Cause I don't have any acrobatics at all. As the cleric. We're rolling my nice die, listeners. That was a six on the die. I have rolled a seven.

[C]

I'm looking and trying so hard not to get distracted because I'm like, I could do that better, but now I'm busy.

[B]

So you're trying to make your way up these stairs and play some pitons, but you end up standing on one of them. That. That's pretty rotten and broken and it starts to give away. Can you give me a reflex saving throw?

[A]

I'm gonna. I'm still thinking back about Boy Scouts. Aristotle. Yeah, I'm taking plus one on this, too. That was a 14. Plus three. Plus one is 18.

[B]

Well, you didn't need to think about your days back in the Boy Scouts at all, because you made it. So you managed to. To kind of skip across. You haven't really helped anybody, but you have made it across yourself. You did kind of stumble across and make your way over. Now that you're there, you could at least toss a rope back so that Anybody trying to make their way across would have at least a little guidance. I'm following close behind. Okay.

[C]

Has it been 10 minutes? Where are we at?

[B]

We're getting close to that point. The two of you will be able to come and help them after we find out what happens to squash. So, squash. You can either just attempt to walk across the stairs and make a reflex save, or you can make an athletics check to try and kind of jump across the rotten section.

[D]

Could I talk you into an acrobatics check where I do a fun flip over it?

[B]

Sure.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

That's right. It's not like you're trying to craft your way across.

[A]

I'm sorry, is tying knots not crafting? I've climbed trees before. That's all knots. I'm not really using my body.

[D]

I look at Murdy and I say, watch this shit.

[B]

I roll.

[D]

Oh, thank God it worked out. That's a 16. 7. 23.

[B]

Yeah. You vault across easily. Ta da. So just as this kind of wraps up, the two of you down below have finished making your versatile vial and praying to your deity. So the two of you are now free to attempt to join the others. You're kind of left with the same situation. You either have to jump across with an athletics check or just attempt a reflex save to avoid kind of falling.

[C]

And there's a rope that's been tossed.

[B]

There is a rope that's going to give you a bonus. I'm just going to take that off the difficulty, though, so don't worry about it.

[C]

Okay.

[F]

I mean, boss, I could set up some explosives behind us and then the detonation of that will propel us upwards onto the ledge.

[C]

I appreciate your willingness to think outside the box, but I think that actually what we need to do is just jump over these couple stairs.

[F]

Is this one of those things they trained you to do in God school?

[C]

Oh, jumping around. It's very important. We do jumping jacks every morning.

[F]

All right, all right. I don't understand your faith, but, you know, you haven't led us wrong often.

[C]

It's so that we can be ready to kill the oppressors.

[F]

Yeah. Or whoever.

[C]

And the bourgeoisie. I don't know how to spell that one. I speak two languages and I don't know how to spell that one. But the important thing is we can just jump across. And then I jump across. Roll a 10, for a total of 17.

[B]

So you easily are able to clear the distance and make your way to the other side. Trant, that leaves only you. I'm a little Sad we're not going to get to see the explosion behind you. I'm assuming you've got at least a handful of, like, doves inside your jacket to release at the same time that you jump.

[F]

I got a total of seven with my athletics. Not great.

[B]

All right, so Trant attempts to jump across, but instead misses the jump entirely and falls through the stairs into the muck below. Take four points of damage.

[D]

Okay, I grab spite by the lapels. Why'd you talk about using the bombs?

[C]

A single tear rolls down my cheek as I see my friend hurt.

[A]

I set the bindle down and start stir the soup, making sure it's still going. Very important. Key thing about perpetual stew is it does need to be kept at an even 165. I think that's true in real life, too, but it's definitely true about magic soup.

[C]

I'm gonna jump back over and go down and lay on hands.

[B]

Well, I'm assuming Trant can get up and make his way back. Can I?

[F]

Yeah, I will attempt to do that.

[B]

Okay, so if you didn't want to jump down, you can wait and see if Trant can make it across.

[C]

Oh, no, my character would absolutely back down.

[B]

In that case, give me another athletics ch.

[C]

If my friends are jumping off a cliff, spite is jumping off a cliff for a total of a 13.

[B]

Well, you join Trant faster than you had hoped as you fall through the stairs as well and also take four points of damage.

[F]

All right, this doesn't seem to be going well.

[C]

Well, now we can go back up together.

[A]

Myrtie always looks tired, but Myrty has never looked more tired than this moment. I'm furiously stirring the soup.

[B]

I can't wait for the other two of you to join them down there making the same mistake. I'm just excited for it.

[A]

Oh, I love you.

[C]

Can I toss? How strong am I? I am very strong. Can I toss?

[B]

I would let you kind of give him an assist. Like, you know, as he's about to jump, you kind of push him to give him a bonus.

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna try and toss him.

[B]

All right.

[C]

Or assist him.

[B]

Spike, can you give me an athletics check on the assist?

[C]

Yeah. 14 plus 7, 21.

[B]

That is an assist.

[F]

Cool. All right, I'm gonna roll. Yep, I got a five this time plus anything, plus my strength. So eight, and then whatever the assist is.

[B]

Okay, well, so you end up back down in the mud again.

[F]

Look, I didn't go to climbing school. I didn't go to any kind of school.

[C]

Can you just toss Us a rope.

[A]

I say I did go to climbing school, I went to scouts.

[F]

I got one option here, and it's blow things up. That is not climbing inclusive.

[D]

I drop a rope down.

[B]

So the other way that you could do this, now that you have two people across and quite conceivably Spike could get across as well, is that you could just tie a rope around Trant and pull Trant up.

[C]

Yeah, I think that that's the plan.

[D]

I'm pulling up.

[A]

Trent, I have pulleys. We can't rig like a four to one pulley.

[B]

I mean, make me a craft check.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Oh, my God, this feels dangerous.

[B]

Ooh, finally.

[A]

All right, that was a 9 plus 4 is 13.

[B]

Sure. Spike, can you give me an athletics check to jump back across?

[C]

Yeah. 19 plus 7 is 26.

[B]

No problem.

[C]

Can I like, kind of jump back and forth like three times, but with the one check just to be like, eh, heh heh.

[B]

Yeah. Bouncing back and forth. And then the three of you haul Trant up to the top. It's not the most glamorous way to reach the second floor of the tower, but it does get the job done.

[D]

Hey, there's my guy. And I pat Trance on the back. But then I sneak up the stairs.

[C]

I lay on hands on Trant to heal six points of damage.

[F]

Thanks, boss.

[C]

Or do you want to heal instead?

[A]

Murdy, I have four slots of heal. That's up to you about which spells you want to.

[C]

I get mine back if I hang out for 10 minutes.

[F]

This is the wake up call I needed. I'm working on some sort of climbing bomb. Next.

[B]

There are, in fact, you have heard of mutagens that make you better at, like, athletics and climbing. They make you more animalistic, allowing you to kind of make some of these checks easier.

[F]

Is there some explosive delivery system for these mutagens?

[B]

I mean, you kind of drink them.

[F]

But I'll have to get creative.

[B]

Yeah, we'll have to do some experimentation.

[C]

So I am going at half speed to have my morning star and shield at the ready.

[B]

At this point in time, considering the dangers of this place, I'm assuming everybody has their weapons drawn and shields out.

[D]

I have a hand out ready to shake in friendship.

[B]

So you continue making your way up the stairs up to the second floor of the old crumbling mill. A wooden shaft once pierced this chamber, connecting the machinery above with the millstone below. But now it lays ruined on the floor. On the other side of the room, a ladder goes up to what must be the top floor. But in front of that ladder, there is a dark shape slumbering in the gloom. But before you can find out what that is, I think we're going to break this episode and you will have to tune in next time to learn what is slumbering at the foot of the ladder.

[C]

Oh, no. All of us have to wait a week.

[F]

Yes. That's how we're gonna do it.

[B]

Yes, absolutely. It's going to be a whole week.

[D]

Can't wait that long to find out it's a Totoro or something.

[C]

It's probably a Totoro. I don't.

[D]

I think it's a Totoro. Guys.

[A]

My money's on big beetle that snores somehow.

[C]

Snoring beetle.

[B]

There were four.

[C]

I don't know how many beetles there are.

[F]

You say big beetle. I'm now imagining, like, a beetle CEO of some sort of, like, a beetle industrial complex that we're gonna take down, which makes me feel better about the fact that we just killed all those guys.

[A]

I heard you say big beetle and thought you were going like 20 foot tall.

[F]

John Lennon, but I'd blow him up, too. Fuck it with David Chapman on his ass.

[C]

Well, that's it for episode one of whatever we're gonna call this. I'm still calling it Cool Kids at the Table, because there's a joke there about how actually it wasn't cool to play these games when I was younger, but it's cool now. And if you listen, next week we're going to wake up the Totoro giant beetle and blow up John Lennon. But in the meantime, does everyone want to plug anything here at the end of the first episode? I don't. Y' all listen to me.

[F]

Every week it's okay to break into people's houses and kill them, as long as they're not humans.

[B]

Ah, yes. The message of Pathfinder comes through.

[C]

I believe that's probably legally true, unfortunately.

[D]

Second that I'm on the Internet at Bumlung. In some places, that's probably it.

[A]

I'm not on the Internet. Don't try to find me. But you can find my zine about how to self manage an [e-mail], it's called how to Do It Anyway. Print it out. Give it to your friends.

[B]

And I'm Jason Bullman. I'm the director of games at PI so you can find me all across the Internet, usually. JasonBohlman. That's B U L M A HN that H likes to wander on me so get it right yeah, that's all I got right now. Thanks for listening everybody.

[C]

All right, Bye everyone. See you next week.

[B]

Byee It Could Happen Here as a production of Cool Zone Media. For more podcasts from Cool Zone Media.

[A]

Visit our website coolzonemedia.com or check us.

[B]

Out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts you.

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Can find sources for.

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It Could Happen Here updated [e-mail] sources. Thanks for listening. In the heat of battle, your squad relies on you. Don't let them down.

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This.

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Is the story of the One as head of maintenance at a concert hall.

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He knows the show must always go on. That's why he works behind the scenes, ensuring every light is working, the H.

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Plus 24. 7 customer support. His venue never misses a beat. Call quickgranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

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Hello, America's sweetheart.

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Johnny Knoxville here.

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I want to tell you about my.

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From Smartless Media, Campside Media and Big Money Players. It's a wild tale about a gang of high functioning nitwits who somehow pulled off America's third largest cash heist.

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Kind of like Robin Hood, except for the part where he steals from the rich and gives to the poor. I'm not that generous.

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It's a damn near inspiring true story for anyone out there who's ever shot for the then just totally muffed up the landing. They stole $17 million and had not.

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Bought a ticket to help him escape.

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So we're sitting like, oh God, what do we do?

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What do we do? That was dumb. People do not follow my example. Listen to Crimeless Hillbilly Heist on the.

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[A]

I live below a cult leader and.

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I fear I've angered her. Wait a minute, Sophia, how do you.

[C]

Know she's a cult leader?

[B]

Well, Dakota, luckily it's I'm Not Afraid of a Scary Story week on the OK Storytime Podcast. So we'll find out soon. This person writes, My neighbor has been.

[A]

Blasting music every day and doing dirt rituals and now my ceiling is collapsing.

[B]

I tried to report them, but things keep getting weirder. I think they might be part of a cult.

[C]

Hold up a real life cult? And what is a dirt ritual? No clue, Dakota. Find out how it ends.

[B]

Listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever.

[C]

You get your podcasts. This is an I heart podcast.