It's a Good Life with Brian Buffini

Quick Cut: S2E335 – Own Your Past, Change Your Future with Dr. John Delony
Aired: October 2, 2025
Host: Brian Buffini
Guest: Dr. John Delony

Overview:

In this Quick Cut of “It’s a Good Life,” Brian Buffini sits down with Dr. John Delony to discuss the profound impact our personal stories and beliefs—especially those inherited from our families, communities, and culture—can have on our future success and satisfaction, both in business and in life. Together, they explore practical steps for “owning” your past, the science behind self-talk, the critical importance of connection, and the path to lasting transformation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power and Weight of Our Stories

• Inherited Stories: Dr. Delony illustrates how we unconsciously internalize stories from family, community, and cultural institutions, which shape our beliefs about ourselves and what is “right” or “good.”
  • “There's a set of stories that we're born into and these are the ones our church passes along to us... We don't even realize we're downloading those pictures into our minds. They just are, right?” —Dr. John Delony (01:00)
• Personal Anecdotes: He shares examples both subtle and overt—from comments about appearance to unspoken expectations in family roles—that shape self-perceptions and behaviors.

2. Self-Talk and Its Consequences

• Why Self-Talk Matters: Brian recalls working with Dr. Shad Helmstetter on the importance of internal dialogue.
  • “When we say negative things to ourselves, we believe them.” —Brian Buffini (02:54)
• Not Just Psychological—But Physical: Dr. Delony explains that negative self-talk triggers physiological responses, putting the body into stress and passing those patterns down generationally.
  • “These things aren't just thoughts. They have a consequence in our bodies. And we pass them on to our kids, and they pass them on to their kids. And these stuff roll downhill through generations.” —Dr. John Delony (04:00)

3. Changing the Internal Narrative

• Identify the Origin:
  • “Ask yourself, where's my picture of mom? ...Who put this picture of mom or parenting or right and wrong? Where did I get those stories?” —Dr. John Delony (05:00)
• Acknowledge Reality & Grieve: Acceptance and sometimes grieving or forgiveness are required before moving forward.
  • “You gotta own reality. ...That takes grief. Sometimes we have to forgive, which is hard.” —Dr. John Delony (05:31)
• Community is Essential:
  • “No life change of any sort that is sustainable can happen by yourself.” —Dr. John Delony (06:39)
  • He stresses the myth of the “self-made” individual, emphasizing that transformation requires connection—whether with friends, counselors, or coaches.

4. Thoughts and Actions: The Pathway to Change

• You CAN Change Your Thoughts:
  • “I'm going to be about changing my thoughts. And we don't know that we can change our thoughts. And you can. Absolutely.” —Dr. John Delony (07:03)
• Controlling the Controllables:
  • “The only two things on planet Earth I can control: my thoughts and my actions. Period. And I'm going to do this over and over and over again.” —Dr. John Delony (07:15)
• It's a Repetitive Process: Life will always present new challenges, so this work is ongoing.

5. Buffini’s Personal Experience with Transformation

• From Audience to Impact: Brian shares his own transformation—learning from mentors and realizing that true impact requires more than speaking on stage; it’s about creating communities and sustained connection.
  • “Standing ovations weren’t my currency... For me, it had to be tangible, which is six months, a year from now, I wanted to see some kind of change.” —Brian Buffini (08:05)
  • “People had to get connected. And once you’re connected, then that lays the groundwork, I believe, to change your thoughts.” (09:06)
• Practical Application: Training, connection, and positive “input” gradually shift thoughts—and then, actions.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. John Delony:
  • “We think in pictures, but we speak in words.” (04:44)
  • “You cannot do life by yourself, period.” (06:49)
• Brian Buffini:
  • “Garbage in, garbage out. We never have the opposite, which is good stuff in, good stuff out.” (09:22)
  • “Once you change the thoughts, you can change the actions. And I know this to be true.” (09:40)

Important Timestamps

• 00:24 – Introduction to “owning your past” as the key to changing your future
• 01:00 – Dr. Delony explains how family and cultural stories shape self-perception
• 02:54 – The critical role of self-talk, influenced by previous research
• 04:00 – Physiological consequences of negative beliefs
• 05:00 – The importance of questioning inherited “pictures” and confronting reality
• 06:39 – Why community is vital for sustainable change
• 07:03 – You can (and must) change your thoughts and actions
• 08:05 – Brian’s reflections on transformation and long-term impact

Takeaways for Listeners

• Your self-concept is shaped by generations of stories—recognize and challenge the ones that limit you.
• Changing your future requires honest reflection, sometimes forgiveness, and always community.
• Sustainable growth (whether personally or in business) rests on continually changing your thoughts and actions—never in isolation.
• Real, lasting transformation is a journey—not a solo sprint.

For further details and the full conversation, check out the full episode in the show notes.