B (2:39)

You bet. Talk about just right off the bat, why the whole principle never split the difference. Why is that so important when it comes to negotiating?

C (2:47)

There's two really big reasons. Number one, there's an old saying. The person who wants to meet you in the middle is usually a poor judge at this.

B (2:54)

Oh, wow, that's a good one. Love that. Love that.

C (2:58)

Yeah. So splitting the difference, if the other side's offering it, it's probably a scam. It's probably a con. They probably. They move the goal post on you to get you to feel like it was fair. I mean, it's an experimental move. An awful lot of the cuts or negotiators do it because it's quick, easy, simple, and works. You know, people sucker for it on a reg. That's the first problem, probably a con. Second problem is, let's say the other person's not a con artist and neither are you. Unfortunately, with the way we're wired as human beings, we can never split the difference and feel okay about it. And the reason for that is Danny Kahneman won the Nobel Prize in 2002 for some called prospect theory. And prospect theory says a loss thinks twice as much as an equivalent gain. What does that mean? It means if I give up $5, I'm gonna feel like I g. Which now means since I feel like I got the short end of the stick, I got to get you back for an equal amount that I felt like I lost. And then it becomes a death spiral because if I hit you for 10, you're going to want to get me back by 20. And it just goes on and on. So you can never have a great relationship. You can't have a great relationship splitting the difference. You just can't.

B (4:12)

And how much would you say understanding people is the key to negotiation?

C (4:17)

Yeah, it's an ongoing process, and it becomes the critical issue. I mean, you can never stop learning about understanding people. You know, people, smarts, emotional intelligence, whatever you want to call it again, as long as you keep realizing that you got to keep getting better at it. There's always another insight. You know, it's a cliche to say, but somebody says, dude, I know people. They're telling you they stop learn.

B (4:43)

Yeah, yeah.

C (4:44)

Which means by definition, they're stagnant.

B (4:46)

Mm, yeah, no doubt. I was just thinking, the thought came to me, you must be a nightmare to sell a car to. How does that work? Tell me. Come on, just describe. Everybody struggles with buying a car. How do you go about buying a car? You must be the worst.

C (5:02)

I gotta say, it's one of my favorite stories from the book.

B (5:05)

Yeah.

C (5:06)

You know, because the first brand new SUV I ever bought. Tell the story in a book. It says Toyota 4Runner, and it was the sexiest red color you ever saw in your life is salsa red pearl, you know, and I go in and just do the opposite because, you know, what's the other side's arguments? Hey, man, you love this. It's a beautiful truck. It's worth everything. So I went in to talk to these guys and I hit him with a really low offer. But then I said, look, man, your truck is worth everything what you're asking for, you know, It's a beautiful truck. I love it. I can't find it. Everything this guy would have hit me with, I just set it for him. And then I hit him with the. How am I supposed to do that question, you know, the late night FM DJ voice. How am I supposed to pay that?

B (5:59)

Is that what the.

C (6:00)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. And when you articulate their arguments, that leaves them speechless. I mean, they kind of. They look at you and they blink, you know, he looked at me, blinked about four times. He went in the back and he got a lower price and it came back out again and I went, oh, my God, you're so generous. I mean, that was so nice. He says, it was worth what you were asking for before. Now you're gonna offer me even less. I mean, I'm in love with it. I just went back and I laid out his whole case again. And I said, how am I supposed to do that? And, you know, he gives me about four or five more blanks, then say a word, runs back in the back and goes and gets another lower offer. And I got him going back and forth until he comes down to my number.

B (6:39)

Right? Yeah. How am I supposed to do that? Can we get into some of your favorite techniques you outline in the book on how to work through a negotiation so that it is the type of solution you're looking for?

C (6:51)

Yeah. I gotta tell you something. And that mirror one, I mean, that is so easy. Mirror is just repeating the last three words of what somebody just said. It's not adopting our body language. It's not adopting a tone of voice. It's not doing any of the body Language stuff that most people in mirrors. A hostage negotiated mirror is just repeating the last one to three words of what somebody just said. And it just gets people talking. And the other thing that's important about getting somebody talking to is you need them to expand. You need them to paraphrase themselves. And if you say, what do you mean by that? What people have a tendency to do is repeat what they just said word for word, as if the words, you know, they got the words on a stone tablet, they walk down on a mountain. But there's something about a mirror that causes people to reword what they just said and to go on and expand. And now I just gathered tons of information. The other great thing about a mirror, it's a great habit to build. And once it becomes a reflex when you get caught off guard and the other side says something that you just cannot compute, like you have no idea what to say, you're going to be able to mirror the last three words of what they just said. It's actually one of the great defensive skills out there, because the other side says, you know, you guys have been attacking us for years, and you want to think to yourself, you know, what the heck are you talking about? Attacking you for years? And then you just say, attacking you for years. And that's when they start to talk. You need the other side to hear themselves out loud, where they didn't even notice. They went from thinking the thoughts to expressing the thoughts. It happens an awful lot of time when what they're saying makes no sense. It makes sense in their head. Now, as soon as they say it out loud, they hear themselves and they go like, oh, yeah, okay, talk a.

B (8:36)

Little bit about curiosity and how you've used that in some of the most intense situations and the most unbelievable negotiations you've had to face.

C (8:45)

Yeah, well, curiosity does a lot for you. First of all, curiosity is a positive frame of mind. Your brain actually works faster and more effectively in a positive frame of mind. There's a pretty good source out there. Harvard psychologist Sean acker says you're 31% smarter in a positive frame of mind. So curiosity immediately is your mental capacity increases because it's highly positive. You see patterns more quickly. You focus in, you listen more, you're interested, and you can take in more information. Now, the other thing about that, too, is your demeanor.

B (9:21)

Then.

C (9:21)

Now you're much more likable. Now, there's a difference between being like a bull and needing to be liked. If I need you to like me, you can take me hostage and I'VE got no control over that. But I have complete control over whether or not I'm likable, which then is going to resonate with your emotional system, your neural system, your limbic system. It's going to incline you towards me, which then in reality gives me even more influence.

B (9:53)

You know, you mentioned him, Shawn Achor. And here's a guy that does books on happiness and what's an FBI negotiator reading books on that? What I hear is you are a personal growth and development guy. You're an ongoing grower. You're pursuing, and in that you're able to develop it into a sharpness in your expertise. And it's interesting how many people in common we've shared here today because ultimately success leaves clues. And what I find is the successful people are all doing the same things and a lot of times reading the same books and having the same conversations because we're all on the same path on trying to find a way to get better and be better and be of more value.

C (10:32)

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's two things at the same time. It's fun and it is the only sustainable competitive advantage.

A (10:43)

Well, we hope you enjoyed this. Quick cut. Head to the show notes to listen to the full episode. If you'd like to elevate your business to achieve your goals, talk to one of our experts on a free business consultation. Visit it'sagoodlife.combc to schedule yours today.