Show Me Your Friends I'll Tell You Who You Are

Summary

The Brian Buffini Show

Episode: Show Me Your Friends I'll Tell You Who You Are
Host: Brian Buffini
Date: May 12, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this episode, Brian Buffini explores the profound impact of the people you surround yourself with—emphasizing that “show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.” Drawing on personal experience, classic wisdom, and business insights, Buffini explains how associations shape character, success, and mindset. The episode offers practical guidance on building a positive support system, setting boundaries, and limiting the influence of negative people, especially in business and personal life. Listener call-ins add valuable, real-world perspectives and questions.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power of Associations

• Family Wisdom & Ancient Truths
  • The episode opens with Brian quoting his mother's version of an old proverb:

    “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are. It turns out she was right.” — Brian Buffini, [00:11]

  • He connects this to ancient scripture:

    “Bad company corrupts good character.” — Brian Buffini, [00:38]

• Napoleon Hill’s Mastermind Principle
  • Buffini references Hill’s Think and Grow Rich, highlighting the multiplier effect of positive associations:

    “He stated that 1 plus 1 equals 11... The power of the mastermind goes to work for you.” — Brian Buffini, [00:56]

2. Environmental Influence & Personal Growth

• Koi Fish Analogy

  • Environment shapes potential:

    “The fish will grow directly in proportion to the size of the pond it’s in.” — Brian Buffini, [01:54]

• From Small Thinking to Big Dreams

  • Buffini details his journey from a limited mindset in Dublin to finding ambition and possibility after immigrating to America—reinforcing how changing your circle changes your trajectory.
    • Memorable moment: Buffini returns to Dublin on his own Learjet, reflecting on the transformation driven by new associations ([03:48]–[07:04]).

• Isolation in the Post-Covid Era

  • Buffini observes increased cultural isolation and the need to intentionally rebuild connections:

    “Not only can people not name how many friends and influences they are, but we’ve become naturally more isolated...” — Brian Buffini, [08:35]

  • He stresses that, despite the challenges, “people are the greatest things in life and people are the most difficult things in life.” ([09:44])

3. Formal & Informal Growth Groups

• Birds of a Feather
  • “Birds of a feather flock together and you have to seek out a tribe of like-minded people that can help you grow.” ([10:17])
• Buffini Company Model
  • The episode describes Buffini Company's intentional small group formation (350+ groups), where members encourage and brainstorm with each other monthly ([10:47]).
• Life-Changing Stories
  • Brian shares moving testimonials of transformation sparked by small group support and positive peer influence, including the ripple effect of recovery and growth ([11:10]–[13:56]):

    “The first lady who was in a small group, was met by another lady in a small group with the same problem. They shared each other's burdens, and because they shared the solution, they were able to impact one another...” — Brian Buffini, [13:51]

4. Setting Boundaries with Negative Relationships

• Understanding Boundaries

  • Buffini candidly discusses his Irish upbringing, which lacked “boundaries” and normalized codependency and dysfunction ([11:46–13:56]).
    • Memorable quote:

      “No one puts the dysfunction in the family like Irish people. We put the fun in dysfunction.” — Brian Buffini, [11:47]

  • He highlights Dr. Henry Cloud’s book Boundaries as essential reading, naming Cloud as both a mentor and model for learning healthy relationship limits ([14:11]).

• Relationship Categories

  • People are identified as:
    • Indispensable: Invest deeply
    • Incremental: Maintain
    • Indifferent: Distance or let fade
  • “Family is most important...but people can be toxic, and we all have our patterns, especially families of origin.” — Brian Buffini, [15:10]

• Practical Handling of Conflict

  • Buffini chooses relationship over ‘winning’ arguments, avoids toxic patterns, and values tolerance (“At the end of your life, winning an argument will not be something you treasure.” — [16:22]).
  • He does not fully ‘ghost’ people but will intentionally limit exposure to those who repeatedly harm:

    “Anger is eating poison and hoping the other person gets sick. So I just won’t do that at all.” ([17:59])

• Actively Seeking Positive Connections

  • Brian proactively schedules time with uplifting, low-maintenance friends, building a support system by design, not default ([18:06–18:40]).

• Dealing with Toxic Family or Friends

  • When repeated efforts fail, Buffini prays for difficult people and chooses to protect his heart rather than carry anger ([18:06–18:23]).

5. Building Genuine Business Relationships

• Avoiding Transactional Interactions
  • “The relationship itself is the value... I’m just investing in the relationship... making a deposit in the emotional bank account.” — Brian Buffini, [19:06–19:44]
• Playing to Your Strengths
  • Find and use your preferred way to connect—social events, notes, calls, social media—as long as it’s genuine ([19:50]).

6. Growing a Business Without Losing Touch

• Listener Q&A: Texas Tammy (Timestamps 20:38–26:21)
  • Challenge: How to grow business aggressively without alienating clients.
  • Buffini describes hiring a personable assistant (Jim Beachler) to help serve his expanding database, preserving personal touch for top clients while extending team warmth to others ([21:22–25:10]).
    • Memorable moment:

      “My absolute favorite, best advocates, they heard or saw me every month.” ([21:22])

  • Integrate both in-person and social media engagement; make sure team members are socially skilled, not just online ([25:04–26:00]).

7. Comparison Culture and Social Media

• Listener Q&A: Jody from Arkansas (Timestamps 26:24–32:57)
  • Issue: Social media-driven comparison undermining real estate agents’ confidence.
  • Buffini reframes social media as entertainment, not reality:

    “Everybody has their highlight reel on social media and then we judge their highlight reel based on our actual, you know, drama we’re living.” ([27:29]) “Comparison is the thief of joy.” — quoting Shakespeare, [29:14])

  • Real success is in building trust and delivering results, not amassing likes or influencer status ([30:51–31:34]).
  • Social skills trump social media:

    “We need to be social... real business is had, real success is had... last time I checked, there’s very few Kardashians in the real estate business.” ([31:06–31:34])

  • Buffini calls on leaders to model authenticity and focus on real client relationships over digital posturing.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If your circle complains, cuts corners, or settles, you slowly shrink without noticing it. If your circle grows, learns, takes responsibility, and dreams bigger, you expand without forcing it.”
  — Brian Buffini, [01:17]

• “You don’t just hang out with your friends. You actually become each other.”
  — Brian Buffini, [01:41]

• “No is a complete sentence, but it’s not an easy one.”
  — Listener B, [11:32]

• “At the end of your life, winning an argument will not be something you treasure.”
  — Brian Buffini, [16:22]

• “Anger is eating poison and hoping the other person gets sick. So I just won’t do that at all.”
  — Brian Buffini, [17:59]

• “The relationship itself is the value... making a deposit in the emotional bank account.”
  — Brian Buffini, [19:41]

• “Everybody has their highlight reel on social media and then we judge their highlight reel based on our current actual, you know, drama we’re living.”
  — Brian Buffini, [27:29]

• “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
  — Shakespeare, quoted by Brian Buffini, [29:14]

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–04:40: Power of friends, mindset, and environmental influence
• 07:04–09:44: Reflection on life changes, isolation post-Covid, necessity for connection
• 10:17–11:46: The principle of ‘birds of a feather’ and Buffini Company’s group approach
• 13:10–13:56: Emotional story of growth from small group support
• 14:11–18:23: Setting boundaries, handling toxic relationships, the importance of relationships
• 18:43–20:26: Forming genuine (not transactional) business relationships
• 20:38–26:21: Listener Q&A: Growing a business without losing personal touch
• 26:36–32:57: Listener Q&A: Handling comparison culture and the reality of social media versus real business

---

Conclusion: Actionable Wisdom

• Proactively choose and nurture positive associations that align with your values and goals.
• Set and maintain healthy boundaries, especially with those who are negative or toxic.
• Look for or initiate peer groups where mutual growth, accountability, and encouragement are standard.
• Make relationship-building intentional and play to your strengths—whether it’s notes, parties, calls, or social media.
• Keep perspective: Focus on real-world impact and relationships, not the illusions of social media or fleeting comparison.
• And remember, in Buffini’s words:

  “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.” ([00:11], [08:45], [14:10])

---

For listeners:
This episode delivers actionable strategies and heartfelt encouragement to become the architect of your own circle, pursue personal and professional growth, and reach your potential by building up, not shrinking, your environment.

Transcript

[A]

Give me just a minute. I'll show you how to limit the negative people in your life. You know, my mother used to say, show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are. It turns out she was right. Maybe that's why I hated that phrase so much as a kid, because I knew she was right. And the older I get, the more right I realized she was. You know, the ancient scripture said it long before my mom, they said, don't be misled. Bad company corrupts good character. You might be a person of good character, but if you're hanging out with bad characters, you're going to get corrupted over time. Napoleon Hill spent 25 years writing his seminal work, Think and Grow rich, studied the 500 most successful people on Earth and broke it all down to 13 principles. And one of the principles was the power of the mastermind. And he stated that 1 plus 1 equals 11. If you get one good character and you hang out with one more, the power of the mastermind goes to work for you. You limit the negative people in your life, and you surround yourself with the positive. Top of the morning to you. I'm Brian Buffini. When you spend enough time around certain people, you start to talk like them, think like them, normalize what they normalize, accept what they accept, and aim for what they aim for. Not because you're weak, but because you're human. If your circle complains, cuts corners, or settles, you slowly shrink without noticing it. If your circle grows, learns, takes responsibility, and dreams, bigger, you expand without forcing it. That's why choosing friends is less about popularity and more about alignment. You don't just hang out with your friends. You actually become each other. So let's get a little uncomfortable and break down choosing friends and how to cut some others loose. So let me ask you something. Who do you spend most of your time with? My mentor, Jim Rohn used to say you're the average of the five people you spend most of your time with. So who's in your top five outside of your family? I'm going to encourage you to write their names down. You know, I love to go to Hawaii. And in Hawaii, they have koi fish. And you know, what they've discovered is that the fish will grow directly in proportion to the size of the pond it's in. So if it's in a bowl, they might just be 4, 5, 6 inches long. They can be up to 4ft long. In fact, one koi fish just sold in Japan for $3 million. And it's all about a how Big the pond is. And B, who else is in the pond with them? You know, I got to experience this firsthand. You know, I love being an Irishman. I'm very, very proud of my heritage. But growing up in Ireland in the 1970s and the early 80s, Ireland was a very poor place. And inner city Dublin was a very poor place. If you ever want to watch a great movie with great music, check out the Commitments. Well, that was shot six years after I left Ireland. And if you see the Commitments, you'll see how dirt poor that city was growing up. The mindset of an Irish person, or a Dubliner especially is if you saw a Rolls Royce or a fancy car going down the street, one of your friends would say, I wonder who they had to screw over to get that. That was the mindset. Someone asked Bono one time the difference between growing up in Ireland and growing up in America. And Bono was on the Tonight show and he said, if someone American looks up at a house on the hill and they say, one day an American will say, that's going to be me. And the Irishman will look up at that house on the hill and say, I'm going to get that bugger. So I grew up in an environment that was small minded, small thinking. So then when I emigrate to America, I saw at that time a much more growth focused community. I got into real estate and started hanging out with a lot of ambitious people. I remember meeting my first millionaire, asking them all kinds of questions, the books they read, the habits they had, and I started instituting that stuff into my life. I remember meeting my first billionaire. What do you do? How do you do it? And bit by bit, putting these patterns and things I learned and the things I grew in, into my life. I've mentioned before, I spent many, many years having my own plane. Well, to come full circle, about 15 years after I emigrated to America, I flew home to Ireland on my own Lear 45. I parked the plane in Dublin airport. I was with some friends and a couple of my brothers and we were home for actually just take an enjoyable trip together. While I was there, it was at an fbo, which is where you get your plane refueled. A gentleman was driving over in the gas car and he's driving over with the jet fuel and he's ready to refuel the plane and he shouts over across the tarmac, hey, Buffer, how are you doing? Now Buffer was my nickname growing up when I played ball. And turns out this is a kid I played ball with. In fact, we'd won A college national championship together. And we had a great chat. His name was Smitty. We talked back and forward about good times and old times and so on and so forth. And then he starts putting the jet fuel into the plane. Now, The Buffini Co. Logo was on the back of the plane. The call sign for the plane was BC395. So BC for Buffini company. And he goes, buffer, is this your plane? And I said, yeah. And he said something to me that, you know, I really didn't really brag about that stuff. I wasn't even thinking about it. But he said to me, you know, the Irish government has one of these. And I said, what? He goes, yeah, the Irish government has one of these. And I said, what do you mean? He goes, the Irish government has two planes. One's broken and one's working. The other one's a Lear 45, just like you. He goes, buffer, you've done so well in America. You have the same number of planes as the Irish government. The instant reaction I had was not any sense of pride or ego or whatever else. It was just a point of reference of how much a change in my thinking had taken place. The lad that I was who was fueling my planes, a good fella, good character, he was better in school than I was, still has the same buddies, still drinks in the same pub every Friday and Saturday night, still does the same job he had when he got out of high school. But his flock of friends are all the same. His buddies are all the same. Nothing's changed in his circle. A lot had changed in my circle, and that circle of friends had elevated me to fly home to my own country and have the same type of airplane as the government of the country I came from. That's what I took from it. And that can happen for me. That can happen from you. You know, I always say, my mother used to say that, show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are. And she was just so right. What has happened post Covid is we've become an isolated culture. Not only can people not name how many friends and influences they are, but we've become naturally more isolated. We're comfortable being by ourselves. It's more difficult being around people. Here's the thing. People are the greatest things in life, and people are the most difficult things in life. We've learned to kind of. Every slice has become magnified, every word of criticism has become harsher. And so what's happened is we've retreated from people. The fact of the Matter is when we lean into great associations, they help us become more than who we are. In business, we have self employed people. We have to take the self out of self employed. You can't just do this alone. There are formal and informal ways to do this. So for example, in your business life, you could join groups like BNI Latipe, the Chamber of Commerce, if you like speaking. Maybe it's Toastmasters, or maybe if you're in a church, make sure you join that small group. The real principle here is that birds of a feather flock together and you have to seek out a tribe of like minded people that can help you grow. We do this intentionally at Buffining company. So for example, even though we're this for profit coaching company we built over 30 years ago, small groups. Why? Because people who were growing writing goals, ambitious people who wanted to change their lives found they were in a minority position in their companies and offices. So they wanted to seek out people who were on the growth journey themselves. People, by the way, were also experiencing bumps in the road. So Befining company has over 350 groups that meet in the US and Canada once a month. One of our clients will lead the group and 10 to 12 people get together every month and they brainstorm and they encourage one another. I'll tell you a great story. We had this event for many years called Mastermind. It was like our national convention. So I had a lady walk up to me and introduce me to her son. She shared a story that her son had struggled with drugs and alcohol for many, many years. And that 14 months ago he had come to our Mastermind Summit. She said a year before that she'd been in a small group and she'd come to her wit's end. Her son had struggled with drugs and alcohol in his entire high school. And she just felt like she'd lost him. And so someone in her small group said, I had the same problem with my son. And I told him, come to Mastermind. I'm not going to ask any more of you. Come to this one event. I want you to hear these two days of setting goals, this positive environment. Listen to these speakers. I'll never ask you for anything again. Just please come. And her son came and he set some goals for the first time in his life. He got clean, he got into a program. He ended up going back to college and just started on this total different trajectory. So this lady, because she's in a small group, shares with her friend. Her friend is standing in front of me. Before she had the same Conversation with her son. She was at her wit's end, but she'd heard from a colleague that I can do this. So she asked him to come. And a year before, he had set some goals at Mastermind, got into a program, changed his life, and was now working and had been promoted three times. He turns around and he introduces me to a friend of his. And he turned around and he said, this is my friend. He's been struggling with drugs and alcohol for a long time. And I asked him, I'll never ask you for anything again. Can you give me two days and come with me now? I'm telling you, I had the tears streaming down my face. The mom had the tears streaming down her face. And the two young men were sitting there, standing there with the tears down their face. Here's what I can tell you. The first lady who was in a small group, was met by another lady in a small group with the same problem. They shared each other's burdens, and because they shared the solution, they were able to impact one another. And now this gal, her son is doing well. Her friend, his son is doing well. And he, on his own volition, paid for his friend to go to this very same event. And in the homes, he could change his life. The fact of the matter is we need to limit the negative people in our life. We need to intentionally seek out the positive, connect with small groups, connect with like minded people, connect with birds of a feather. And if we do that, we really will be a blueprint to limit the negative people in your life and increase the positive people in your life.

[B]

Like you've said before, no is a complete sentence, but it's not an easy one.

[C]

How do you set boundaries in your

[B]

relationships and associations to protect your time and energy?

[A]

So you talk about setting boundaries. Well, that was not something I was aware of at all growing up. And someone says that no one puts the dysfunction in the family like Irish people. We put the fun in dysfunction. So the classic Catholic Irish family was groomed to be codependent and our family fell into that for sure. But my whole neighborhood was like that. And that was just a culture. And so I didn't even know there was anything off with that until I got married. And your mom had a different experience growing up and a different culture she came from. And then you start bumping into certain things and certain patterns you have and habits you have. So I realized, okay, relationships and people are the most important thing in life. They're the most precious thing in life, and they're the most hurtful thing in life. So I'm gonna have to learn about this. I'm not predisposed to it. And even though Everybody thinks I'm 10ft tall and bulletproof, you know, and I'm very pragmatic. I'm, you know, I'm just wired to be a little tougher, but that's my soft underbelly. And so my natural reaction to being hurt is to withdraw. I think that's the human state. And so I have made it my business to try to work really hard at that. You mentioned Boundaries. The book that's indispensable is Dr. Henry Cloud, who wrote Boundaries, and he wrote Boundaries as a young man. Now, the great gift in my life today is Henry Cloud's a friend of mine, and I've had a chance not to have him just at our events, but to have him on speaking terms, to go see him, to go play golf with them, and to ask him these questions personally. So that's a gift. But if you have never read the book, it's just indispensable. I think there. There are people in your life that'll fall into different categories. There's people who are indispensable, and you want to cultivate those relationships. There are people who are incremental, and then there's people who need to be. It needs to become. You need to become indifferent to. And so let me walk through that a little bit. Obviously, family is the most important thing, so I'm going to fight harder, tolerate more, and do more to be engaged with family than anywhere else. Having said that, I have a pretty large family and extended family, and family of my own. People can be toxic. And then we all have our patterns, especially families of origin. So, for example, you know, politics in Ireland is a sport. Politics in America and worldwide now has become toxic. So, like, people will say, here's how to prepare for your Thanksgiving dinner. Here's the talking points. Or people will wear clothing or paraphernalia, like to tick off a family member. So I would just say this at the end of your life, winning an argument will not be something you treasure. So I have some people in my life who have completely different views of the world than I do. And I make it my business not to get engaged in A, those conversations, or B, even commented on, I don't need to be right now. I like to be right. It's the family business. You know, this growing up and seeing my family, I just. I value the relationships more than I do anything else. And so I have very good relationships. With people who are completely diametrically opposed to me. Secondly, don't get rid of all your goofy people. I have some golfing buddies that are absolute quack of characters, just nuts. It's the Kelly's Heroes assembly. And so don't get rid of all your goofy friends. You need them. And then I would say this. There are people who don't just hurt you once in a while, they hurt you. And it's almost like a game show. It's an intentional thing. Those people I've just become more distant with. And I think. I don't know if your generation calls it ghosting or whatever else. I don't necessarily ghost people. But I will not extend myself and I will not repeatedly expose myself to people who repeatedly go out of their way to offend me or get under my skin or I find myself carrying their weight with me. And so what I won't do is I won't stay angry with anybody because anger is eating poison and hoping the other person gets sick. So I just won't do that at all. Your mom and I never participate in that. I've never done that with each other. And so I just think I treasure the relationships that are closest to me. I've learned to build tolerance for myself and others with those relationships. And I will go to the nth degree for those. And there'll be cuts and bruises and umps alongs along the way, because it's to be human. The next piece is I seek out those that bring life to me. I talk about Henry Cloud. I have a number of relationships. You know, what I've had to do is to put into my schedule all these people who are authors and speakers and writers who I've become buddies with over the years. And we only ever talk when we're at an event together. Well, I've made a commitment not to do that. An example of that would be John o'. Leary. And I reached out to John. I just put him on my schedule. Well, I happen to have a FaceTime appointment with a friend. And I'm just checking off, going through my list of friends, and it happens to be two days before his dad dies and he's on the porch. And I have this magical moment with John o' Leary, which sealed our friendship for life. I was able to be there for him. I didn't know his dad was in his last days. I just said, I gotta stop being so distant with people. So bit by bit, I've started making an appointment and reaching out to people that are not high maintenance. That are not causing me difficulty, that are actually people I really like, and I'm forcing my way to put them back on my calendar. Does that make sense? Yeah, some great things have happened from that. And then I will just say this. People who are not family, who prove to be toxic. Am I talking about my immediate family? I just distance myself. I just intentionally distance myself. I just won't take it on board because it becomes a fight. I don't need to fight. So I don't withdraw from everybody, but I also don't seek out to save everybody. And I really. I'll fight harder for family. But eventually, if it gets to the point where you have a family member who's just repeatedly. Repeatedly. Toxic. Toxic. I think that's where you ultimately have to protect your heart. And, you know, you still try, like, you still got to talk to them. You got to. If you're going to. If you're going to distance yourself from a family member, you got to have the talk or the talks. But if they're just broken and just can't get past it, I love them. And one of the things I'll say the last thing about this, I pray for the difficult people in my life. I do. I have a list, and I'll pray for them. I'm at the top of that list. But I find that when I pray for people, I tend to be kinder to them as well.

[B]

That's awesome. Okay, so you mentioned reaching out to your buddies, maybe past coworkers. For a lot of people watching this, creating relationships in the business, how do you work on relationships without it just seeming transactional or fake?

[A]

Yeah, that's huge. I think. Look, you know, hopefully a person's doing something that they like and so. Or some aspect of they like. A great example is when we're coaching somebody. We had a couple, and they just weren't the most disciplined at writing the notes or doing the phone calls. They love to throw parties, so that was their specialty. So we had them throwing parties all the time for different aspects of their database because it was something they love to do. If you like to play golf or do something socially, go do that with people. And here's the thing. Most people, the reason they're reluctant to call someone or be engaged in business is because they're trying to. In their mind, they think I'm calling to take something from them. The relationship itself is the value. When I'm doing a Popeye, I'm just investing in the relationship. I visualize they have a big bank account and I pop by with, you know, flowers for Mother's Day or, you know, some peeps for Easter or whatever it is, a pie for Thanksgiving that I'm making a deposit in the emotional bank account. And so I think find something you like to do, then you'll be genuine at doing it. Some people just like to write the notes, some people are great at the calls. So find something that you like to do, do it well. And they get to be, let's say, on social media, let's say somebody's good at social media and you take an interest in the people you have relations with. Well, you're sending out DMs and you're commenting on their stuff. Well, if you're good at that, find the joy in that and do that. And so this is a relationship based business and you gotta be, you gotta find a way to be the best version of yourself with your relationships. So hopefully you do something you enjoy with people you enjoy.

[B]

Awesome. Love it.

[A]

All right, top of the morning to you. Welcome to Coach Em up on the Brian Buffini Show. Who have I got in this morning?

[C]

Howdy, Brian. This is Texas Tammy, how are you?

[A]

Texas Tammy, how are you? Whereabouts in Texas are you?

[C]

I'm in the north DFW area.

[A]

All right, we know DFW very well. What can I do for you this morning?

[C]

Well, sir, my question is, how do you grow aggressively without people feeling like they've lost access to you?

[A]

Mm, great question. Well, let me ask you, what's your business look like now? How big's your database? How many transactions would you be doing?

[C]

Yeah, so last year alone I did close to 12 million in sales. Currently, right now I've got 10 in my database, Active Pipeline, and I have over 200 in my CRM.

[A]

Lovely, lovely, great. So here's one thing I did as I grew, my business is I actually hired a gentleman by the name of Jim Beechler. And Jim Beechler was a retired IBM salesman, actually out of Dallas. And back in the day, you know, IBM was known for their great training. So he was a super personable guy, real friendly and had retired and he was looking to pick up a little bit of extra income, but he wanted to be around more people. So what I would do is I made sure that I called my A pluses or saw my A pluses every month. My absolute favorite, best advocates, they heard or saw me every month. And then what happened is as my database grew the A's and the B's, well, they'd hear from Jim Beachler and Jim would Just check through the database. Hey, how's it going? And he had this great way about him. He'd go, hi, this is Jim, can you hear me? And the people's first answer to him was yeah, so it's great when you get a phone call that starts with yeah. And he would go, Brian just asking me to check in on all of his favorite people and want to know how you're doing and if there's anything we can do to help you. If you need a plumber or a painter or a roofer, any service at all. You know, Brian's so connected. We just want to make sure that we're a full time resource to you all the time. And then when things bubbled up, real estate wise, sometimes they had a more a serious question, sometimes they were like, hey, we actually thinking about selling next year, that type of thing. Then they bubble up to me. So Jim was kind of like a part time person I had in my database that allowed me to leverage myself. By the way, I do the same thing today. So for example, in our database we have our one to one members and I have my coaches that talk to you and all of our other great clients. And then when things bubble up, it gets to me. Next I have our mentors. We have 3,500 mentors who have, who facilitate their training programs throughout their offices. They use the 100 days to greatness or they're facilitating the blitz, that kind of thing. So I have a team of six people that call those 3500 to offer that same service, to offer that same value. So the same principles I did in my real estate business. I do a buffining company today. Now you might not be quite ready for that next step, but maybe, maybe you can start to have somebody come in on a part time basis who could handle, you know, you could handle the closest 50. And they can start to do that and it's like, hey, I'm calling. Brian asked me to check in. We want to know we're here for you, we're here to help you with anything you got. And when things bubble up, they get to me right away. People love that. People love that. So I did it in my real estate business and again I had, I had 18 A pluses, 300 days and 420 Bs and Cs. And so Jim helped me with basically everyone outside the top 18 because the 18A pluses are mine. And then the rest I was able to serve, help, connect, interact with. And I'd see them at parties or when I Did the big, long popeyes. Okay. And so that's the last thing I'd say to you, is that when you're still doing your popeyes, get out and about. You know, it was Mother's Day. I'd take a week, you know, and I might have 50 listings at the time. And I take a week and I deliver all the ladies in my database flowers and to their home, to their offices, no matter what. And that gave people that very personal touch.

[C]

I love it. That's a great idea. Thank you, Brian. I appreciate that.

[A]

So how's your business doing right now? Are you in a position where you feel like you're about to grow and expand?

[C]

Yes, sir, I am. I have a TC already and I'm about to get a marketing manager because social media is. I can't do that as well.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And yeah, just trying to grow. And then next is getting a teammate on my team.

[A]

Great, great. Well, everybody's doing the social media stuff and it's great. I see a massive amount of commitment to us, which is, you know, like the Vaynerchuk's of the world is, hey, you got to be on all 10 platforms and post three times a day. And the next thing you know, people are either having to hire someone full time. I would say this. I would. If I have someone on my team, if it's a full time person, I want to make sure they also need to do the social and the social media. And the reason being is like, my daughter Anna heads up our social media team, but when we go to events, I want Anna with me. And the reason is I want her talking face to face and voice to voice with the people in the marketplace that mean so much to us, our members. Otherwise you end up just being like a version of everybody else. So the key is make sure they're both social and social media.

[C]

I love it. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[A]

So great way to do that is, is promote a client party through social media, through your regular marketing, then through calls, and then have your whole team be there. And so then you start to combine it all. So sounds like you've got. You got a great plan. Sounds good. I'm excited for you. And let me say, Texas Tammy is going to be building up that team because everything's bigger in Texas, Carl.

[C]

That's right. That's right. I appreciate it, Brian.

[A]

Well, thanks for joining me today. Well, top of the morning to you. Welcome to Coach Em up on the Brian Buffini Show. Jody, why don't you tell everybody who you are and where you're calling in from.

[B]

My name is Jody Huffmaster and I'm calling in from Arkansas.

[A]

Arkansas is right. And Jody just set our social media fire here recently. We just featured her and her family in one of our good life stories and apparently that struck a nerve with a lot of people. Jodi. So I'm glad you were joining me today. What's a question I can help you with?

[B]

So the question that I have is more about comparison. What advice can you give to leaders who are having trouble with their agents comparing themselves to other agents in the market via social media? Lots of noise. Social media noise. They may say they've written four offers today, but all four of them are not going. And people don't look at that. But with all of the noise and that makes agents not really want to, to stay their eye on the prize for their goals. So, so gets them distracted.

[A]

Great. Well, we're living in a time of the comparison culture and again, you have a brokerage and you're trying to lead people, but this is the same for your family, this is the same for our neighbors, this is the same for ourselves. And what I like to say is everybody has their highlight reel on social media and then we judge their highlight reel based on our current actual, you know, drama we're living. And you know, they have these things with the social called filters. You ever heard of those? Yeah, right. I mean, those filters can give me a 28 inch waist, but that doesn't mean that's what I got going home. Jody. So the thing about it is I think people need to view social media for what it is. It's an entertainment channel and that's really what it is. And it's, it's kind of a low level entertainment because it gives you just enough entertainment to keep you glued in. It's, it's a phenomenal form of distraction. I'm a pretty proactive guy with a very busy schedule, but if I find myself scrolling, I don't stop. And the problem is like, I'll give you an example. So here I've been, I've been out doing seminars. I presented a 4 million people in 47 countries. And one of these social media influencers reached out to me over and over and over again. And he's everywhere on my feed and everywhere I go. And he's like, you got to come to my event. So I'm like, okay. And he's, he's got all this stuff. And again I'm, you know, we do a lot of good social media stuff, but it's just not my primary focus. So I go and do this guy's event. It would have been the smallest event I ever spoke at in my life. But the way he filmed it, the way he made it look, it looked like this was a stadium full of people. And it's not like I fell for it. My team was like, oh, this guy's really a big name. You need to go do his event. And I got there and I went, this is Mickey Mouse, man. So everybody's in this place. So Shakespeare said, comparison is the thief of joy. The fact of the matter is people will say things online. They present themselves a certain way online. And it, it just ain't necessarily so. So if you communicate with your team, hey, as long as you understand this is a form of entertainment. As long as you understand, you know, these people might be influencers. Your job is to be a person of influence. And a person of influence is that trusted advisor, that person who's counted on when things are tough, when the market's difficult, when someone has to sell their home, when someone wants to get their kids into a different school, when someone's perhaps going through a divorce. I have nowhere else to turn. I need someone to sell my house. They're not calling a bloody influencer, they're calling a person of influence. And I just think what's happened is since COVID people have gone and working from home. We've become isolated and there's algorithms. So whatever we search, it gives us more of and it actually isolates us further and further and further. Now let's just. So I say my daughter Anna is the head of our social media department. Okay. We spend money. I have a team of people involved in this. I'll just say this. I have a couple hundred folks of a feening company. The vast majority of my team is focused on the nuts and bolts of the relationships we have with our customers. And this is a relationship business. And what's true is the look in your customer's eyes when you hand a set of keys to a first time buyer who never thought they'd own a home. When you hand a set of keys to someone who just bought their dream home. When you got someone out or sold a property that they didn't think was going to sell. That's what's real. Referrals are real. Because that means someone trusts me enough to tell their friends, their family about me. They put their name to mine. That's real. That's real. What we need to be is social. Social media is a totally different thing. We need to be social. And that's where real business is. Had real success is had this other stuff over here. Like, here's the thing, the Kardashians might make a boatload of money. I tip the cap. Congratulations. But last time I checked, there's very few Kardashians in the real estate business.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Okay. And so what's happened is like the three largest real estate companies in America this year put on their conferences and made them all about social media. And I've been inundated with agents going, I'm supposed to post 30 pieces of content today on 10 different channels, three pieces of original content. And I'm like, you don't have any time to sell houses. You don't have any time to see people. You don't have a time to write offers. You're too busy being a TikTok star. The average first time buyer is 40. The average repeat buyer is 64. They're not choosing their real estate agent, their trusted advisor on TikTok. They're just not. I appreciate social media for what it is, but I'm not bought into what it's not. Don't let your agents get caught up on comparison. We have this all new Brian Buffini show. Make sure they check it out. We've done an episode just specifically on comparison. We've gotten them some great how to's and some great input. The last thing I'd say is this. You're a great leader. You're living the good life. We sent a film crew to study your life because you've become such a success story. Share with them how you've done it. Share with them what's real. Be social with them and let social media take care of itself.

[B]

Okay. Thank you.

[A]

You're winning and you are a winner. Many of your agents are winning. They just don't know us because comparison said so. And that's why we did an episode on the Brian Buffini show all about this. Thanks for joining me today, kiddo. You're a champ.

[B]

Thank you.