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- [00:00]
Brian Buffini
Give me a minute on how to avoid the comparison trap. I always say, don't compare your behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight reel. People ask me all the time, been interviewed hundreds of times, tell us your story, tell us your success story. And I go, do you want the story or do you want the whole story? From people on the outside looking in, looks like I never made a bad move in my life, never made a bad decision. I got a great business, built a fortune. I got a fantastic marriage, great family. So from the outside looking in, I have it all. The truth of the matter is it never feels like you're winning when you are. You need to know that most of my life in business has been a life and death struggle. You need to know that I've made financial and personal mistakes all the time. Just learn from them. So if you really want to know what's up, understand that life is a struggle, but it's a struggle worth winning. Top of the morning to you. I'm Brian Buffini. We've got a great show lined up for you today. Have you ever felt great about your progress until maybe you scrolled social media? Then you're familiar with the comparison trap. It's kind of sneaky. You can be building a solid business, a solid life, making steady progress, doing the work, and then one scroll later, you're behind. Someone's making more money, launching faster, parenting better, aging backward, and abs are showing and somehow they're doing it all before 7 o', clock, laying on a beach. So many solid questions I'll be exploring a little bit later in the show with Anna about separating performance from identity, competition versus comparison, and a whole lot more. But first, we're diving in today's edition of Brian's Blueprint. Teddy Roosevelt said comparison is the thief of joy. You know, comparison has a way of stealing the joy from our own journey and replacing it with pressure you never signed up for. But here's the truth. Comparison doesn't inspire excellent. It distorts perspective. It pulls you out of your lane and into someone else's highlight reel. And you can't win a race you were never meant to run. I will say this. In our coaching program, we've seen this thousands of times. In fact, one of the challenges we have is we'll often put out our numbers of what our average client earns and how much time they take off and those kinds of things, and it can often depress somebody. Sometimes a person's got a much lower average sales price, a much smaller market area, or they've been in the business a shorter amount of time. I think one of the great ways to understand comparison is to understand your own story and understand that everybody else has a story themselves. Everyone you deal with has a story. And that story is far more than anybody knows. And in the clickbait world we live in today, all that's presented is just these positions of how somebody's doing, these perspectives on how somebody's doing. I play golf right here in La Costa in Carlsbad. And there's a gentleman there who's one of the top photographers in the world. People will pay him $150,000 for a photo shoot. So he was recently working with one of the most influential people on social media. And she paid $400,000 to him and his team for four days of shooting. $400,000 for less than a week. Now he has 20, 25 staff. They're doing all this image work and she's doing all these glamour shots. She's selling makeup and other products that she has. So this guy, who's a genius by the way, he brought his daughter along. He's in the conversation with his daughter the next day and she had been crying and he's like, what's going on? And she was looking at the original pictures of that, what he had taken. And she goes, dad, I can never meet these standards. And he turned to her and said, honey, you were there all day, you know that she doesn't look like this. She doesn't look like this. That's why she pays dad. It was actually interesting because some months later we had a conversation. He was kind of having an existential crisis of his whole career because he said, am I causing young girls all over the world to set an impossible standard? That is actually not true, he said, because I'm creating this artificial standard. And it impacted him because for the first time ever, his own 11 year old daughter was trying to compare herself. Well, we know we have body images and what it looks, you know, what does it mean to be a woman? What does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a success? Let me say this. I haven't spent very much time in my life focused on the competition. In fact, I would say a weakness for my company is many of my staff don't even know we have competition. And it's always important to know what other people are doing in the marketplace. So I'm really not built that way. I've always competed against myself. And this is something that's a real strength of mine. But I'm going to share with you a story of how I got caught out in something I didn't even think I suffered from. Now again, can sound very self aggrandizing. For 17 years I had my own private jet. And the reason being was because that allowed me to go to do seminars all over North America and be home for dinner. It wasn't practical, it wasn't economically sensible for a company of my size to have a jet. But I wasn't going to do the work unless I had a way to put my family first. So that was always behind us and that was what I did. And the plane I had for the longest was a Lear 45. And we could fly up to 51,000ft. So one day we're at 45,000ft and Edgar, my lead pilot, comes over the radio and says, brian, if you look to the left, you'll see a plane coming at our same altitude. So I look out the window and you can see this condensation trail coming towards you. Now, we're going about 560 miles an hour and this plane is coming towards us. And normally you see a plane moving, it looks like it's hardly moving at all in speed, but when it's coming towards you on a similar line, the planes literally zip past one another in a supersonic speed. And I was like, what in the world? And I remember I got up out of my seat and I walked up to the pilot's cabin and I said, edgar, what in the world was that guy flying? What was he flying like? He is going so much faster than us. Because when we looked outside the window, it looked like we were barely moving. We looked at this plane, he zipped past us and Edgar kind of got this wry smile and he said, brian, he's in Lear 45, the exact same plane I was on. It's just I looked out my window, it looked like we were barely moving until such time as I saw the other plane. He looked out his window and he probably said to his pilot, man, what's that guy flying? It's just very easy. No matter what you're doing or how you achieve in life, there's always someone with a bigger plane. There's always someone with a tighter set of abs. There's always someone with better skin or whatever it is. But how do we compare ourselves with the thing that really matters, which is who we are and who God made us to be? So let's talk about how to avoid the comparison trap. Not by lowering our ambition, but by anchoring our Identity and clarifying our purpose on what really matters. Learning how to measure our progress against who we are and who I was yesterday, not someone else, is really what it's all about. Yeah, I was embarrassed that day because I got caught in the fact that I was comparing myself at the peak of my success, flying on his own jet at 47,000ft. But apparently someone else was going faster. So the last thing I'd leave you with here today is I think it's important to have a scorecard for yourself and your family. That's why goals are critical. I think where contentment comes in is when you're content achieving and pursuing your goals, not someone else's goals. Like here's my goal for myself. You know, I have different goals at 58 years of age than I had at 28 years of age. So the only person I really want to compare myself is to the Brian of yesterday. You know, we started this brand new venture of the Brian Buffini show. We were 10 years with hit podcast on our hands. So why change it? Well, we took in feedback, we heard what people wanted more of and we endeavor to take a risk and go do something to show something new. We're not comparison to someone else's show. I have no idea what someone else's show looks like. We're comparing to ourselves. We're listening to our audience and we're saying how can we serve you more and do better? People said, I want more original content like this. Here it comes. People want to hear more gritty Q and a. Here comes Mr. B. People want to know how can they get involved and participate in the show. Here comes Coach Em up. This show is an example of not comparing ourselves to anyone else's show. This format doesn't look like anyone else's show that's out there. We've decided to do what we feel is best, to go and reach your needs and make our show better and make it better than what we did before. So whether it works or not, we'll see. I'm enjoying it. I hope you are. I hope you're subscribed to the Brian Buffini show and you come see me in person when we do these programs. It's a great honor to do this every day. These blueprints are designed for you to change your mind, to change how you think, to change how you approach some of the challenges and opportunities you have in your life. So hopefully today's blueprint will leave you with this. Don't compare yourself to someone else. Compare yourself to the gifts God gave you and the opportunities that are in front of you at the stage of life you're in today, try to get just a little bit better than who you were and what you were yesterday. In my book, you are a winner. And that is of no comparison.
- [10:01]
Anna
How do you stay ambitious without constantly measuring yourself against your peers? I think a lot of people talk about my generation comparing ourselves on social media, but I think it happens at every age.
- [10:11]
Brian Buffini
No, it does. I mean, envy's, you know, the first murder in the Bible was done out of envy. Envy is as old as time. So that's where comparison comes from. Now, it's not a particular weakness for me because my ambition, which is what you led with, is really about fulfilling who God made me to be. So I really have not spent much of my life thinking about the competition. In fact, probably in the culture of my company, it probably has not served me tremendously well because I've had people who worked for me for 20 years who didn't even know our competition was. And the reason being is I'm busy competing with myself. So, oh, we're the best coaching company in real estate. Well, compared to who? You know, and I always said, well, we're like the best football team in Alaska. You are, but who, how many other teams are there? And it's one of the reasons I've also been hired to work for because most of the people working for me do want to compare themselves to somebody and say, hey, we're doing well. And I just like, to me, I don't have to win. Like, you have the conqueror attribute, I have the Olympian attribute. I just want to compete as long as I know we're doing our best. I'm at peace when I know we're not doing our best. Yeah, you don't like it. I'm not fun to be around. So I think that's my thing is I compete with the guy shaving the mirror every day. I am fascinated because, you know, more and more young people are showing up at our events now and into our coaching. I'm curious to know how you view it because you grew up with it, you grew up with social media from day one and comparison is everywhere and it seems like young people, especially young women, have such pressure on them. I just curious, I was curious to know your take, actually on it.
- [11:52]
Anna
Yeah, I mean, I think it's really important that the parents are very involved in the kids lives. Honestly, like you and mom really set the standard for how we should talk to ourselves and talk about ourselves. I think if I didn't have that foundation. It would have been really difficult because it is all about looks and social media. And even I was so disheartened to see, and I respect her so much. But Serena Williams, she's one of the faces of GLP1s now, and she's one of the biggest athletes in the world, one of my biggest role models. And now she's telling a lot of young girls that you can't lose weight without extra help, and a lot of people need it. But I feel like someone like her is someone who could try and encourage us to work hard, work out, eat healthy, try and get to our goals. So I think there's so much noise out there, especially for young girls right now. And I think the voice of the parent or the voice of the guardian, whoever's in their life, it's so important for them to champion them and encourage them and to give them a good foundation.
- [12:54]
Brian Buffini
But I see, like, sometimes we're comparing ourselves against a false narrative.
- [12:58]
Rita Gamill
Yeah.
- [12:58]
Brian Buffini
You know, I remember reading a story of someone one time, and she had launched a brand, and she was a billion dollar brand for makeup, and she was like, 21 years old. And I'm like, I've been busting my ass for decades. What's going on here? Well, it turns out, like five years later, that that was a big hype machine. It wasn't a billion dollar company. It didn't have these kind of results. And that momentary thought that I actually. Now, why am I comparing myself to some, you know, makeup design influencer? You know, it's like kind of the most opposite to me in the world. Right? But like, that thought, because what happens? Comparisons. The thief of joy. For that moment, I was deflated about my progress as opposed to. No, no. Okay, what is it I do? Why do I do it? Okay, the truth of the matter is, if someone had offered me a billion dollars to do a business that didn't involve impact and improve and change in people's lives, I wouldn't have done it. That's the juice for me. Like, that's what's carried me forward. I'm 30 years in this business. I'm still jacked up and fired up. You guys are all like, dad, you need to work less. Right? But that's the juice for me. Like, that's it. But all of a sudden, you hear something like that. It can take you off your purpose, take you off your calling, take you out of your gifts. And the real thing is, what's my calling? Like, what's my destiny? And, you know, not everybody's supposed to be a billionaire. Not everybody's supposed to be famous. Not every. You know, and by the way, even in churches today, a lot of churches are spinning that everyone's going to be rich, and God wants everyone to be there. That's not true. You know, there's thumbs and there's pinky fingers. We're all made for the purpose we're made. The two greatest days in a person's life is the day you're born and the day you find out why. And I think those two things keep you in a space of gratitude, contentment, where you can be ambitious towards who God's made you to be. Yeah.
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Anna
What is one of the most practical ways someone could stop comparing right now?
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Brian Buffini
Well, we have the real strengths profile, Right. So we have people. Okay, here's your natural gifts and abilities. So one of the ways our coaches do really well is they're constantly reminding people of who they are. And I think that's good. Having a set of goals that are authentic, your goals not influenced by somebody else. But what are your goals? When you're in the pursuit of your goals and you achieve your goals, if you're not experiencing contentment, you're experiencing comparison. The last thing I would say is this. I have six kids, and two of them are twins. And every one of my kids is unique and totally different. And I remember when we used to live in Escondido, there was a mall across the street, and you guys were really small. There was a store in there called Build a Bear, and apparently it's kind of a famous thing.
- [15:41]
Anna
Loved that.
- [15:41]
Brian Buffini
And we used to bring you guys in there, and for one of the reasons I liked that was that to me, everyone is a Build a Bear, and God's made every bear different. And even my twins are different. And so it's like, no, God made you to be who you are. This is the bear. And, you know, you guys, when you were kids, would all build your own bear. And it's like, because you built and put your stamp on who your bear was supposed to be, I think that's the real purpose of life, is to fulfill that calling, to fulfill that design. You know, I just had two new grandbabies born, and I just believe God knitted those babies together in their mother's womb. He knows those kids. He loves those kids, and he's designed those kids for a purpose. Those two kids who were born just a week apart have different destinies, different callings, and different gifts. And the goal is for them to be their own version of that, build a bear for the rest of their life and to survive the hurts and the setbacks and challenges in life and to end up at the end of the day. And they go, yeah, I'm the teddy bear I was supposed to be.
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Anna
So good. You are, I think, the king of glass half full. Turning something negative into positive. How would you say to turn comparison into something someone can turn into a positive in their life?
- [16:56]
Brian Buffini
I think compare yourself to the best version of yourself. Like, one of the things I do all the time is I kind of forget what I've done. You know, I'm always onto the next thing, and it's like, oh, that's right. I did do that. Oh, yeah, that's.
- [17:10]
Anna
Proud of yourself.
- [17:12]
Brian Buffini
You know, I don't do it very well, and I don't do it very often, but I look at those things and go, okay, here's the things I accomplished in my life. And a pretty cool, you know, getting your mom to marry me 35 years ago and then getting her to stay married to me. That was like, that's a great achievement. That's a great salesmanship there. Right? I got six amazing kids. I'm working with my kids today. I mean, this is kind of wild. I never thought this would happen. There's a lot of things that you can neglect and forget just because they occurred. So I think the comparison is compare yourself to the best version of yourself, and as you grow and as you get older, you have a chance with more wisdom and more experience to be an even better version of yourself again. Top of the morning to you, Tyler. Welcome to coach him up on the Brian Buffini Show. Where are you calling in from today, buddy?
- [18:05]
Tyler
Calling in from beautiful Whidbey Island, Washington.
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Brian Buffini
Oh, I know it well. Beautiful. That's great. What can I do you for?
- [18:12]
Tyler
Well, the question is, I've been doing real estate now for about 14 years, using the Buffini program the entire time.
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Brian Buffini
Wow.
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Tyler
And it's a relationship business, as you know. And a lot of my clients know me very well, going back many years over multiple transactions. The last couple years, we've been building up a team, and we have a buyer's agent now, which is very exciting. A lot of my older clients, when I try to, you know, encourage them to work with my buyer's agent, they kind of, like, they want to hold on to work with me. It's kind of hard to get them to, like, fully work with our buyer's agent. So how do I. How do I help them to work with my buyer's agent to support her, and then also to allow me to focus on listings.
- [18:53]
Brian Buffini
Yeah. So it's part of. It's a transition. Okay. It's a transition that we want to do. And so part of it is, for example, when I expanded my practice, I went through this several times. And so I became. And I'm all, you know, all energy and action, and people want to be around the charisma. Right. All that stuff. So what I let people know is, you know, when you. Have you ever dealt with a medical practice or a legal practice or a CPA firm, they hire specialists. And so what's happened is, just so you know, I've expanded my business and I've expanded, and I have specialists now. So, for example, I do a lot of work on the listing side. I now have a specialist who just focuses on the buyer side. Now, just like the lead attorney, I'm still very much involved, but I want to introduce you to my buyer specialist. Who's there. Their fingers on the pulse every day. They know exactly what's coming up every single day. They're searching the market every single day. And now, just so you know, I'm involved, and you can. You can always reach out and talk to me at any given time. I meet with the buyer specialist regularly, so I'm surveying your progress all the time. But I've expanded my business so I can offer even better service to my clients. And so I've been at this now for 14 years. And thanks to you and people like you, we've become very successful. And I've expanded now so that I can offer even a greater level of service than I have in the past. So that buyer specialist, like it says, they're a specialist just in buying, looking for homes, seeing what's available, even seeing what's not available. And they're kind of. They have the time to go, you know, look up under every bush, left, right and center. But I'm all just, you know, I'm always here. I oversee what they're doing, and I'll be. I'll be brought in, and I'm always available for you. But this is a great expansion of my business. Not. You don't get to talk to me anymore. It's actually the opposite. Okay.
- [20:42]
Tyler
I think that'll be helpful.
- [20:43]
Brian Buffini
It will be. And what you'll see is people will start to gravitate towards it. Okay. And then the key component is. Is to. As best you can have. You know, what I would do is, like, when you do a client Party. Have them come with you. During Popeye season, I actually would have my buyer specialist come with me for the Popeyes. And they just. So they got to see us together. A lot of times in the marketing, I would have our faces together, okay. So they would always see it or the picture of the team. So I had. I actually had a graphic of my team. It was like in a cartoon. And I was like the orchestra leader and I had all them laid out that way. So it just gives people, oh, this is expansion. This is more personalized. This is more customized. And I'm actually getting better service. It's not. I'm being taken care of by the minor leaguer, okay? So you have to believe that. And by the way, you have to believe that personally, you know what I mean, that they really are a specialist and they're really going to help. So I've done this many times. I had to. As I grew my team, I had to do this with each member of my team. And eventually my favorite thing was this. I never forget this. One of my best ever clients called me one day, Tyler. And I picked up the phone in the office. And again, back in the day, you can imagine the old school office, right? I pick up the phone and one of my best ever clients goes, oh, Brian, that's great. Can I talk to Donna? They didn't want to talk to me at all. You know what I mean? They had a question on the buy side and I remember going, oh, but it was like, oh, I have a business now. And so that's what really helps. You know, you've been. You've been with us in the program, like I said, 14 years. Right? And you in the coaching program?
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Tyler
Yeah, one to one coaching from the very beginning.
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Brian Buffini
That's great. And who's your coach?
- [22:30]
Tyler
Scott Malcolm.
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Brian Buffini
Scott Malcolm. Okay. Can you imagine if I built a business where only I could coach the work and buy referral system? I would have had very, very few people. Oh, by the way, Scott Malcolm coaches people every day. Today is the coach him up session. And I love this. But Scott Malcolm knows you personally. In fact, if you get a chance to get onto our two on one programs we're doing, I get to do some coaching like this. And then the coach knows you personally and how to apply it personally, and that's what this is for you. So just like Scott is my buyer's agent, if you will, when it comes to coaching, and he's better at it now than I am. So that's what you've got in your business. And you got to communicate that to your clients and eventually they'll be calling up and they won't be wanting to talk to you. Cool. That's great. Tyler, thanks for joining us today in the early days of the Coach him up section at the Brian Buffini Show. So I'm glad you made it. Top of the morning to you. Welcome to Coach Em Up. You're on the Brian Buffini Show. Rita, tell everybody who you are and where you're calling in from today.
- [23:33]
Rita Gamill
I'm Rita Gamill from sunny Orange County, California.
- [23:38]
Brian Buffini
That's great, Rita. How long you been with me in the coaching program now?
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Rita Gamill
I want to say one to one coaching for 14 years.
- [23:46]
Brian Buffini
14 years, that's great stuff. Super. Well, it's great to see you. What's the one thing I could help you with today?
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Rita Gamill
Okay, my question is finance and it's part three parts I'm going to need your help with. Thanks to you, I've been saving just like you tell us to do. And that was a foreign language to me at first. So now my question is number one, I want to build an adu, which is additional dwelling unit.
- [24:12]
Brian Buffini
Yep.
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Rita Gamill
I have half of it saved. It's not cheap. The other half, I'm thinking, should I. Number one question, should I wait till I have the whole thing, cash? Number two, should I do the HELOC or a loan? And number three would be, would it be better for investment if I save a little bit longer? As you know, Orange county is not cheap here in California. Should I wait, save more and buy a 4 Plex or a triplex or duplex?
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Brian Buffini
Okay. Great stuff, Rita. So let me ask you this. What's the ad you going to cost?
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Rita Gamill
Let's say range 300k.
- [24:45]
Brian Buffini
300k. And you have half of it saved.
- [24:47]
Rita Gamill
Correct.
- [24:48]
Brian Buffini
What's the revenue you're going to receive from that rent?
- [24:52]
Rita Gamill
Right now we're looking at about 2600.
- [24:55]
Brian Buffini
2600amonth. Okay. So my only downside on the HELOCs is that the rates don't seem to come down when the mortgage gets come down. Right. They seem to be a high rate. And so let me ask you this. Do you have a first trust deed on your house? Do you have a mortgage on your house now?
- [25:14]
Rita Gamill
I do. About 20% is the loan, 80% is equity.
- [25:18]
Brian Buffini
Great, great. So you have huge equity on your house. Do you have a real low interest rate on that?
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Rita Gamill
Yeah, very.
- [25:25]
Brian Buffini
Yeah. Right. So you're not going to mess around with that.
- [25:27]
Rita Gamill
Touching that.
- [25:28]
Brian Buffini
Yeah. So I would say this, what's Your average sales price, Rita, Right now we're a million. We're at a million. Right. So how many homes extra do you need to sell to pay for that adu?
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Rita Gamill
All cash.
- [25:44]
Brian Buffini
Yeah. So how much, how many extra deals would you need to do to get an extra 150 grand?
- [25:51]
Rita Gamill
Well, let's just say 10 just to make it rounded it up.
- [25:55]
Brian Buffini
So your average commission is say, let's say what, two and a half percent, right?
- [26:00]
Rita Gamill
Yes.
- [26:01]
Brian Buffini
So two and a half percent. Let me just do my little calculator here.
- [26:04]
Rita Gamill
Yep.
- [26:05]
Brian Buffini
I'll get me in my real estate mode, hun. Okay, good. So let's say we got a million bucks. 2.5% puts you right at 25 grand. Okay. Right. And so seven deals give you 175 grand additional. So I would say six deals by Janadu. I would do one extra deal every two months and set that money aside for an ADU. Rita.
- [26:35]
Rita Gamill
Yes.
- [26:36]
Brian Buffini
You've been at this a long time. You're really good at working by referral, Rita. You're really good at real estate, Rita. Why don't you set a new goal, Rita? You follow me?
- [26:48]
Rita Gamill
I hear you.
- [26:50]
Brian Buffini
So how many, what's your goal for the year? How many transactions you trying to do?
- [26:53]
Rita Gamill
It's a dollar amount and it's not a transaction. So if I do goal is 25 families.
- [26:59]
Brian Buffini
Great. So let's take it to 30. And 30 you're going to set aside. I would take a portion of every sale and put it towards your ADU fund. Okay. So I would take a portion of every sale which would be by the way, five grand per transaction. 30 deals gets you an extra 150 grand. You know what Rita? The day you build that ADU and you pay cash for it and you're sitting now on 20% down payment on not only your beautiful house with the really low mortgage but now an income producing ADU on the back. That's $2,600. You are killing it girl. Killing it. And here's why. Instead of focusing on the heloc, taking the energy on the loan application, the energy and the worry on the debt, you take that same energy and pour it into the calls and the notes and the popeyes. The same energy that you can defocus that diffuses your focus, you pour back into working by Referral. You take $5,000 from every commission check you make for the rest of the year and at the end of the year you're going bill me an ADU for cash. That's your reward. Your reward for Busting your hump. This year is going to be a brand new ADU that's paid for free and clear, that provides $2600 additional cash flow.
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Rita Gamill
So being rapid, that I am.
- [28:26]
Brian Buffini
Yeah.
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Rita Gamill
Waiting to do that a year compared to now. How do I get the mind so
- [28:32]
Brian Buffini
great now Rapid goes to work on how many notes am I writing today? How many calls am I doing today? How many popeyes am I doing today? Here's what I'm going to do. There's three blitz programs as part of your program this year. And for the rest of this year, there's a 75, 45, 60 days. You are going to hit every one of those days. That's where the rapid goes. And you put that focus and that power into that. I know your kids are out of the house now. So mama has more mental space, she has more energy. And what's she going to do? She's going to take that mental space, that energy and put that rapid energy into doing more of the activities. I'm going to tell you this. That ADU will bring you more satisfaction when it's paid off. And every time you close the doors, you know you paid cash for it. It will bring you a sense of accomplishment. It's a really worthy goal. It's a really worthy goal. And you take your rapid energy into your daily activities, you're going to have that adu. It's going to be paid for, it's going to be cash. Your net worth just grew substantially and your monthly revenue and future retirement is closer at hand.
- [29:42]
Rita Gamill
I didn't think you were going to say that, but okay.
- [29:44]
Brian Buffini
That's why we call into the Brian Buffini Show. Thank you.
- [29:48]
Rita Gamill
Thank you.
- [29:49]
Brian Buffini
Really appreciate you, girl.