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Jennifer
McCrispy strips are now at McDonald's. Tender, juicy and its own sauce. Would you look at that? Well, you can't see it, but trust.
Angie
Me, it looks delicious.
Jennifer
New McCrispy strips now at McDonald's.
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Jennifer
Stop.
Narrator
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Jennifer
So we're supposed to start the podcast ready.
Pumps
1, 2, 3 patriots gaytriots they trio.
Jennifer
Black triots Listen up, people of the United States and international listeners. We're still here on Asshole island and we will not cede one inch, not one inch to these fascist mfers. We are going to stand together for everyone all the time. Sometimes we're going to have petty grievances. Sometimes we're going to have big grievances. But we're going to do it together as an asshole island family. Pumps. What have you had it with?
Pumps
What I've had it with? It's two things. Number one, I've had it with this bang that I can't get to stand down. It just sticks up all the time. I've had it with that. I've also had it with lies coming from the press secretary at the White House. I've had it with the questions that they have plants in the press briefing that ask them xenophobic questions. I've had it with all that. I'm tired of lying, especially from the White House. And I know that's a big ask, but I would just like a tiny bit of truth and not so much propaganda.
Jennifer
I just think that's, you know, I just think you're asking too much. I know you have 40 something percent of the population that voted for a man that is a convicted felon. So they're okay with crimes, they're okay with lies. And a percentage of the American public, the triple, triple Trumpers are okay with immoral behavior because these people are morally flawed. I saw on, it was Instagram, I think that somebody wrote, maybe triple Trumpers, maybe they're nice to their pets, maybe they're nice to their families, but these are deeply flawed, toxic people and that's the truth. We cannot make excuses for these people. All of us have Trumpers in our lives. I think all of us would say these are the most toxic people in our lives. The most, the lowest emotional intelligence, the lowest intellectual intelligence. Earth, these people, they're broken and they're damaged and they are 100% fine with the lies coming from the White House press secretary because she hates the same people they hate.
Pumps
It's really sickening. And you know what I was thinking when you were talking? I agree with you. All of these people, they're okay with lies, they're okay with criminals. But I have family members that are triple Trumpers. And if I brought home a boyfriend, fiance, and said, here's my fiance, he's got 34 felony convictions, they would immediately tell me this was a bad idea. So how do you reconcile that you're okay with the most powerful office in the land being a criminal, but yet you wouldn't want your daughter to be engaged to somebody that had 34 felony counts. And I. 100% no.
Jennifer
Let me, let me tell you this. Say the guy, the hypothetical guy you're bringing home to your mom and dad was a billionaire and he said he was a Christian and that he had learned his lesson and he hated the same types of people that they hated. I think you'd find a caveat. Carve out.
Pumps
You do.
Jennifer
Well, fuck yes you do. If he was a billionaire and did a, you know, little praise Jesus, read a Bible, white, maybe said a couple of off colored remarks about minorities, they'd be hook, line, sinker, all in on it. And that's the thing, that's the big lie of Trump and that's the exposure of Trump to these people. If you're rich and you're white, you can be a piece of shit. But if this was a poor guy or a black guy that you brought home, you're goddamn right Your family would take issue with it, but if you brought home some born again billionaire who was a bullshit artist, he'd tap dance all over them and win them over, hook, line, sinker, just the way Trump has.
Pumps
I'm afraid to say you might be right.
Jennifer
Yeah, it's a burden being right all the time.
Pumps
It really is.
Jennifer
All right, let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with Jesus Christ advertising on television.
Pumps
There are so many.
Jennifer
What? I saw this, this ad keeps popping up and it's like, Jesus, he gets us.
Pumps
Yeah.
Jennifer
And I'm like, okay, stop, stop. This is the most famous person of my lifetime. You cannot go a block in the state of Oklahoma without seeing Christ, Christian or Jesus or something. Now we're running ads. Jesus Christ is advertising. Like, what stage of capitalism meets religion? Are we at right where Jesus Christ has to advertise on television to promote his brand? Is it me or is that just the weirdest, most American late stage capitalism, late stage democracy, pre Christian nationalist handmaid tale arrival you have ever seen in your life?
Pumps
Completely agree with all that. I'll tell you what I found interesting because I don't usually watch TV that has commercials, but during the super bowl, which those ads are exponentially more expensive than normal, I saw three or four different, like, Jesus loves you. Jesus gets you at the highest rate of the entire year to pay for those ads. And that's what I was struck by. So they're paying triple plus premium for these ads.
Jennifer
Well, the part that they're paying for that doesn't surprise me one bit because these people don't pay taxes, so of course they can afford.
Pumps
Right?
Jennifer
You know, I mean, look at Joel Olsteen. Lives in like a 50,000 square foot house, has five or six private planes. My thing is the insecurity security that you would feel like you need to advertise. And when you dig deep into the people behind this, it's the people that own Hobby Lobby, the Green family, which is from Oklahoma. These are the people that famously opposed birth control being in the Affordable Care Act. Imagine that as a Christian, a billionaire Christian at that. That one of your number one platforms isn't to help people, isn't to give health care to people who can't afford it. Maybe open up a hospital for free to poor members of the society. Nope, it's to make sure those damn sluts, if they're around, they're going to get knocked up. We're not paying for their birth control. That's their number one cause. And These are the same that are running commercials for Jesus Christ on the television. I think this is pure grifting, charlatan propagandizing. And it is why, among many other reasons, I detest with every molecule in my fiber in my. In my being, evangelical Christianity. I think it is a cancer. I think it is a dumb factory that breeds dumb people that don't critically think that electricity dumb corrupt leaders that worship money and like to bully gay people and belittle black people. And I think it is an absolute cancer. White evangelical mega church Christianity cannot stand it. I have had it. And Jesus Christ quit running ads for sake. You've had the best selling book for like 2,000 years. Had it. I'm telling you, I'm still not over the dumb factory. It is. Evangelical Christian is a dumb factory. They go to these dumb schools, they go to dumb Christian camps, you know, and then their number one thing is that what they want kids to do is not. I'm like, that's gonna work.
Pumps
Bravo. Well, abstinence is such a great plan.
Jennifer
Bravo. Yeah. Tell a bunch of hormonal teen. Hormonal teenagers that they have sex, they're bad and they're devil's gonna torture him forever. That that's good. That's healthy. That seems like a rock solid idea. It's just stupid. It's stupid idea on top of other stupid ideas that then materializes in them. Running an advertisement for Jesus Christ. That's just weird. It's weird. It's weird.
Pumps
It's completely strange.
Jennifer
Welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer.
Pumps
I'm Angie, the HBIC head beaver in charge. Because beavers with you when you're not watching. And it's the mascot of Canada.
Jennifer
And I do think beavers have premarital sex. And I think it's shame free.
Pumps
They do.
Jennifer
They have absolute shame free. And they mate for life.
Pumps
They mate for life.
Jennifer
Yeah.
Pumps
They're soulmates. Beavers are.
Jennifer
And you know what? They don't have to run commercials.
Pumps
No, they're not running commercials. That beavers love each other forever.
Jennifer
They don't have to grandstand like, hey, I get you. I'm a beaver. I get you. And running like multimillion dollar advertisements. I think it's pathetic. I think it's thirst trapping. I am not a Christian, but if I were one, I would be like, why is Jesus advertising? This is beneath his messaging. I think it is the trashiest American white evangelical dump truck dipshit maga. Shit. I hate it. Kylie, have you seen those ads?
Kylie
I have they're everywhere. I don't know if it's just Oklahoma or if it's international, but everywhere.
Jennifer
It's not international, I guess. National.
Pumps
Yeah.
Jennifer
I think that probably our European listeners are like, wait a minute. So y' all advertise for medication, which they think is really weird. And you're Jesus Christ is running ads on television. It's. It's weird. And here's the thing. All of these religious groups do all this with impunity and nobody ever calls it out. Like, I have an idea. The Jesus commercial people, why don't you take all that money for your advertisement, put your money where your mouth is, and go help the homeless situation? Because I don't know about you, but most of the evangelical Christians that I know, when homelessness comes up, they act so disgusted, they'll say, ugh, I don't want to go out to California. Just so many homeless people. I'm like, oh, yeah, like, they're living so well, right? Like, have some fucking compassion with your little Christ cross on. So maybe instead of spending billions of dollars on an advertising campaign, coordinate with state and local governments and say, hey, we were about to do this huge multi hundred million dollar advertising campaign for Jesus, but then we realized, oh yeah, he's already famous and he has a best selling book for like 2,000 years. So what we thought we'd do instead of being assholes trying to impose our views on everybody else, is we would just partner with you all and figure out what kind of homes and communities we could build to tackle this homeless homelessness crisis that you have. Are they doing that? No. And guess what? When they do do it, they go to foreign countries and they have to do all this mission stuff and manipulate people into believing their religion to give them clean water. It's bullshit. I'm whistleblowing on the whole thing. I've had it.
Pumps
Well, you know, that's a really, really good idea you just had. But you know where you wouldn't find an idea like that?
Jennifer
A white evangelical mega church or dumb factory? No, because they're dumb factories. They are dumb factories.
Pumps
That's like my favorite thing you've said in a long time.
Jennifer
Kylie, what did you think when you saw the Jesus commercials?
Kylie
Honestly, I think I'm pretty desensitized to it. Because like you said, every billboard, when we drive around, it's just everywhere. It doesn't even phase me anymore. It's like background noise.
Pumps
Yeah, it doesn't phase me either. But what phased me is when I saw so many during the super Bowl. And I thought, God, they're paying a premium for that.
Jennifer
I just, I think it's just. I think it's somewhat pathetic. I think it's just if your product is so good and if I were to meet white evangelical Christians in the city that I live in, where they're abundant here, and they were so good and compassionate to where I said, God, I just think you're a really great person. You always are in a great mood. You show so much kindness to the marginalized. What is that about? And they're like, oh, it's my faith. Well, what religion are you? They're like, well, I'm a follower of Jesus, but I don't want to push it on you. Now that would be attractive, right? There's nothing that these people do that's attractive. They're out there talking in tongues, holding up rattlesnakes, taking Venmo, building new churches, growing, growing, growing, ripping off the public. Just like the MAGA Republicans do.
Pumps
Yeah, it's kind of crazy when you think about the correlations between MAGA and religion. Evangelical religion, straight down to the leader being what I'm told is charismatic and Donald Trump, but like the real hellfire damnation. It really is. When you step back from it, it's chilling.
Jennifer
Well, and then look at how he's decorated the Oval Office. It's full blown Christian, you know, nouveau riche vibes. You know, it is. That's like there's a. Remember that house where, where I grew up in? The evangelical preacher who, you know, got all those millions of dollars, he built this gaudy, tacky nouveau riche mansion. Look at Joel Olsteen's mansion. Trashy. Look at the Oval Office. Trashy. Look at Mar A Lago.
Pumps
Trashy.
Jennifer
Trashy. Look at Trump's tower penthouse. Utter gutter snipe. I mean, it's just. It's just trashy. And I just, I think that Jesus running ads is just a bridge too far for me. Live by example, Jesus, live by example. You don't need to be buying ads. It's just too far.
Pumps
It's just too far.
Jennifer
I mean, if there was. If I was like 99.9999-9999 percent. Never going to be a Christian. Jesus running the ad put the nail in the crucifix. It's never happening. This is never going to fucking happen. It's the most unattractive, braggadocious picks pick me thirst trap bullshit I've ever seen.
Pumps
And here I thought you were so close.
Jennifer
At this point, after those ads, I Think I have a better chance of, like, Scientology? Yeah, I haven't seen any Scientology yet.
Pumps
I have, but maybe on streaming.
Jennifer
Oh, really?
Pumps
Because I Google stuff about it all the time.
Jennifer
All right, Kylie, what's going on on the Internet?
Kylie
I've got some hate comments for you today.
Jennifer
Oh, good, good.
Kylie
This one is one star review titled Nails on a Chalkboard. And they write, if you like the sound of two aggressive pigs bullying their guests and showcasing really uninformed opinions as rudely and unhinged as possible, then this is your show. I'm a woman, and I had to turn this show off because it's cringy and embarrassing. This is a good example of just because you can doesn't mean you should. You have been warned.
Jennifer
Been warned by what? Like, what's she gonna do?
Pumps
By her, like, oh, she's warning at the beautiful listener.
Jennifer
Yeah, I think she must have heard my conversation with Rahm Emanuel.
Pumps
Probably.
Jennifer
I mean, I think that's what that is.
Pumps
Yeah.
Jennifer
Pulling guests. I mean, that's the only. That's the closest it gets to.
Pumps
Yeah, but it says two pigs. I don't think she'd call Josh a pig, do you?
Jennifer
But she probably only. This is a person who has never listened to a full podcast. This is a person who's seen the clip online or better yet, saw the clip on Fox News.
Pumps
I forget when they did the news.
Jennifer
Story, when they did their takedown of me and, like, two or three different shows did, like, a Fox News takedown. And, and every time we're featured on Fox News, you guys, my DMs, my email box, my business phone line ring, and the, the depths of evil spit that comes out of the Maga cult is. It's unbelievable how deranged these people are. I mean, I just know for sure when I'm on Fox. Coming. It is coming. The fucking hate parade. This dumb factory is on its way to my inbox.
Pumps
And you know what's so amazing about that? 95% of them are evangelical Christians that have God, Jesus, pray, whatever, in their bias, always.
Jennifer
But that doesn't surprise me at all, because the meanest people I know are evangelical Christians. White evangelical Christians are the cruelest, most toxic people I've personally ever met in my life.
Pumps
Well, it shows itself off on Fox News.
Jennifer
Yeah, for sure. Kylie, what's next?
Kylie
This one is another one star review. It's titled tds, which we know stands for Trump Derangement Syndrome. And they write, please get help. You're off the rails.
Jennifer
Here's the thing. I, I, the Only part I disagree with that is the Trump derangement Syndrome. But the get help. You're off the rails. I totally agree with.
Pumps
Right, Yeah, I relate the rails. Yes.
Jennifer
And they'll not for everybody, but I take issue. I think the Trump derangement syndrome is just classic projection.
Pumps
Well, yeah.
Jennifer
They're the ones that are deranged by him and they're projecting that other people aren't because we critically think and don't believe the lies we. When we hear a man say, why don't you just stick bleach, inject bleach into the veins and just clean it all out. I'm able to deduce that that is a bad idea.
Pumps
Right. When I hear a presidential candidate talking about Hannibal Lecter and sharks being electrocuted in windmills, I immediately know that's not somebody I want to put my faith and trust in. But not these people.
Jennifer
Did we get a bunch? I haven't. I never. Look at that. Did we get a bunch of 1 stars?
Kylie
We have an influx recently due to the aforementioned Fox. Yes.
Jennifer
Yeah.
Pumps
Hey, it reviews a review.
Jennifer
Yeah, but I don't want him to tank our rating.
Pumps
Has it tanked our rating?
Kylie
No, but I thought I would end on a high note. Here's a five star true allyship and Jade writes, my wife and I never miss an episode. The head beaver in charge and her younger partner are the true definition of what it means to be an ally. Even when we want to cry, they give us something to laugh about. Thanks for being our favorite DEI podcast. These lesbians truly love you both.
Pumps
Yay.
Jennifer
Yay. I forgot to say, welcome to America's top DEI podcast.
Pumps
We're DEI Podcast.
Jennifer
Yeah. And actually at this podcast, we. Seth, our other editor, is a heterosexual white male and I call him our dei. Right.
Pumps
He's our DEI hire because we like female lesbians.
Jennifer
That's correct.
Pumps
Because as we all know, as you've said, lesbians should rule the world.
Jennifer
Okay, listen up. I've had it. Ladies have the biggest, best hack for nailing. I mean, stick the landing Mother's Day gift race immediately to Aura and buy this frame for your mother.
Pumps
For Mother's Day, I have this frame and I love it. What's so great about it is you can upload pictures constantly, so they're changing all the time and you get to recap your memories every time you see it.
Jennifer
Aura Frames was named the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter and featured in 495 gift guides last year. So the next time you need to call Your mom. You can also send her a new pic of you from that trip you were telling her about, right from your phone. Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their best selling Carver mat frame. That's a u r a frames.com be sure to use our promo code. Had it support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Attention renters, if you haven't heard of bilt, you're about to thank me. Earn your favorite airline miles and hotel points through BILT just by paying your rent on time. Now let me explain. There's no cost to join. And just by paying rent, you unlock flexible points that can be transferred to your favorite hotels and airlines, a future rent payment, your next Lyft ride, and. And so much more. Bilt's neighborhood benefits are things like extra points on dining out, complimentary post workout shakes, free mats or towels at your favorite fitness studio, and unique experiences that only BILT members can access. So if you're not earning points on rent, my question is, what are you waiting for? Start paying rent through BILT and take advantage of your neighborhood benefits by going to joinbuilt.com hadit that's J O I N B I L T.com had it make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. Joinbuilt.com had it to sign up for Bilt today. Okay, I have some news stories I would like to review with the class today. A study has found that one in five corporate executives are psychopaths. The same rate among prisoners. I'm surprised it's not higher.
Pumps
I'll tell you what, I would have been surprised about this 10 years ago. Now I'm not at all surprised. I can't believe it's not higher after what we've seen. You know, just in the last. And maybe it's just because I've started paying attention as I've gotten older, you know, in my 20s, I didn't give a fuck.
Jennifer
But are you saying that you were in your twenties ten years ago, speaking of lies? No, I mean that is lies.
Pumps
I want to go.
Jennifer
I'm not saying the older Beaver is lying. I did not mean that.
Pumps
But I'm just saying as you go through your life like you're not interested in what's going on with executives or whatever, until you start being a consumer and an adult. You know what I mean? So in the last 10 years, I've really noticed. How? Well, probably longer than that.
Jennifer
All right, next up, we have deleting your long paragraph and texting back. Okay. Is a different level of self control. It's a sign of emotional regulation, the ability to manage intense feelings without reacting impulsively. When you're healing, you begin to realize that not every trigger deserves a full emotional response. Sometimes you write the paragraph to process your feelings, but delete it to protect your peace. That simple. Okay. It's not about shutting down. It's a conscience boundary. It's the moment you choose self respect over emotional chaos. It's the shift from needing to be heard to being okay with not being understood by everyone. That's not cold, that's clarity. That's healing. I found this and I thought, okay, this is so true. Because I used to just fucking go hot. Like, if something triggered me, I would just blast back.
Pumps
Yeah.
Jennifer
I mean, I would just be like. And I'm sure that comes as a huge surprise to our listeners, but I would say probably like the last five years I've really liked. There are just certain things that happen where I'm just like, I just, I don't care enough. I don't care enough to respond. And I do agree with what this, this is. Mr. Underscore, psychologist on Instagram, says that you can write your ass chewing text and then you can go up and delete it and replace it with an okay. Because sometimes it's just cathartic to get it out of you, but not deal with the aftermath and then having to manage that person's emotions anymore when you send them how you really feel. Sometimes how I feel about somebody is just my business and I don't really need that person to know that I think they're a piece of shit.
Pumps
Sometimes you do, though. We have always had these fantasy chew outs and fantasy letters, like hate mail that we'd write to people and chew out conversations that we'd role play. And so this to me is the same thing. I'll tell you why I don't text it. I'm so worried they're going to see the bubbles. So I do all the imaginary role play in my head, but I'm.
Jennifer
Why do you care if they see the bubbles or not?
Pumps
I don't know.
Jennifer
I mean, I'm 55 years old. Like, why do you give shit to see?
Pumps
I just don't like people to know. I just don't like people to know when I'm responding. I like to let it ride, but I like to just say okay or just not respond.
Jennifer
I always. For the most. There is one lady recently, she had this. She started the conversation with me, and she'd been listening to Tucker Carlson's podcast and started all this crazy, like, pro Putin conversation. And she sent me a couple of texts, and I just. I've completely ghosted her. Because I'm just like, life's short and I don't want to hang out with somebody who gets their news from the dumb factory. I just don't. Like. I don't want to have a conversation with you about Tucker Carlson's theory about Vladimir Putin because it's a waste of time. It's a complete waste of time. I'm thinking, this woman, she's a wealthy white woman. She knows better, and she chooses to spend her time trafficking in Tucker Carlson's podcast. You know, like, that's just. You're just not a candidate to be my friend. You're not a candidate to be my text buddy. Sure as fuck never playing pickleball with you ever again. I don't hate you. I don't like you. You're just simply not worthy of any response from me. Because life is too short to spend.
Pumps
It with the dipshits from the dumb factory.
Jennifer
From the dumb factory. All right, my last one is. People who use profanity tend to be more honest and show higher levels of integrity. Studies show that people who curse more often tend to be more honest. Those who use profanity more frequently may be less likely to deceive or lie in social interactions. And I want to say to that. You're goddamn right.
Pumps
Fuck yes is what I have to say.
Jennifer
Yeah. And I want to say this. I notice sometimes that people in our comment section will say, I love this show, but these ladies shouldn't cuss that much. And these are from liberal viewers. Liberal listeners. And if you get on the Internet long enough, you see that, like Pod Save America, Joe Rogan, any. Any other podcaster, they can throw an F bomb if they're male, and it's never a thing. But even within the progressive movement or the centrist movement or leftist movement, there's this expectation that women shouldn't cuss, but everybody else. All the men get to cuss all they want to, and I've had it with that. I think it's such bullshit. Furthermore, I think it was William Shakespeare that said in Romeo and Juliet, a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. Talking about the last name of the Montagues and the Capulets and just how strong, stupid it was to put so much emphasis on that. And haven't we evolved past, like, the word and it being that big of a deal? We have a convicted felon in charge of the United States of America that's intentionally face planning the, the, the economy and deporting people to a concentration camp. But Jennifer and Angie, the DEI podcasters, say, and we got our panties in a wad and we're going to clutch our pearls. Stop listening. Go find another podcast. I can't deal with it.
Pumps
Yeah, no, I agree. I think it's a lot of sexism and the ladylike. And I think that as we're evolving, you know, the gender stereotypes are incrementally, hopefully getting a little better. I feel like there's a backlash right now with all the trad wife stuff. But that's just sexism, pure and simple.
Jennifer
It totally is. And there's this expectation that women, you know, oh, they're supposed to be ladylike and little girls and blah, blah, blah. And it's just this infantilizing of women is something that I think is such a dangerous thing. And you see, like little girls and their parents just completely infantilize them, even when they're up to 25 or 30 years old. And it just, it doesn't help your daughters, it doesn't help the movement. Societies are much better, much, much better when women and men can equally say fuck with either the same amount of judgment or the same amount of acceptance.
Pumps
Right. Well said.
Jennifer
Thank you.
Pumps
You didn't go to the dumb factory.
Jennifer
I didn't go to the dumb factory. I refused to go to the dumb factory. My whole life I fought off against it. Being an atheist in the buckle of the Bible belt, constantly recruited, told how I was going to hell. Here's something else I think is nuts. I think it's nuts to tell people you're born a sinner, you're born a up. I don't think that's a very healthy thing to say to people. Yeah, I think people are inherently good. I don't think people are inherently bad. I think people are inherently good. And I think a religion that goes around telling people you're inherently bad, I think that's kind of abusive to children. Because you know what an advocate for children I am, right?
Pumps
I mean, we are children advocates around here. I would say that's how I was always taught my whole life. And it is a burden that you carry without even realizing you carry it, that you're a sinner, that you might go to hell, all that. I mean, it's Just when you're indoctrinated with it from a young age, you do carry it. I do. I did. Less so now you don't care.
Jennifer
You don't think you're bad anymore?
Pumps
I mean, I think I can be a real dick sometimes, but I think that's completely irrelevant to who I am as a person.
Jennifer
But you don't have this feeling like I was born bad of sin.
Pumps
No.
Jennifer
No. Shed every ounce of that.
Pumps
No.
Jennifer
Yeah. No, but I mean, don't you think that's kind of. I mean, having been told that, don't you think that's pretty screwed up to tell little kids?
Pumps
Yeah, it's way too. Way too harsh and way it. With people. You know, you're putting your kid in a situation that they shouldn't be in at such a young age.
Jennifer
Yeah. I think that's just. I think it's better to be like, I know deep down you're a good boy or you're a good girl or you're a good person. If the per. You know, whatever. I know deep down that you want to do the right thing. I think that's a better starting point than saying you're an absolute sinner and Satan has a stronghold in your heart, but this is the only thing you have to do to be a better person. I also think it's kind of skirting the system.
Pumps
There's so much skirting, so much skirting in evangelical Christianity. You fucked this up. You fucked 50 women. You did all this, but you're saved again, so all's forgiven. You're good. So much skirting. No personal growth required.
Jennifer
Kylie, what do you think about all that?
Kylie
You know, I agree 100%. I think we always say some of the worst people are the Christians we know. And it's because they know that they can get away with it. There's. There's a loophole. They're told, confess to a priest. You know, all religions just get baptized, you're good to go.
Jennifer
Yeah. You know, I always picture, like, you know, because you hear from your. We hear from our gay friends. They're on Grindr, right. And there's all these guys that are married to women and go to churches and all this stuff, and then they're going over, doing gay stuff with gay men on Grindr. And then I wonder, like, after they get their rocks off, you know, like when they get home, do they have like a prayer, like, God, I'm so sorry. I'm not going to go chase that anymore. I know I'm bad. I know I shouldn't do it. You know, like, what is the process through that? Because then they think God forgives, you've been saved, you've been born again. So all you have to do is just say sorry. And here's the thing. I don't really care that somebody goes and have gay and has gay sex. What I care about is that that person will attend and be a part of an organization that marginalizes and demeans gay people. That's where I. I have. There's no oxygen with me and my allyship to the gay community. I will give no space, no oxygen to any church institution, politician, that even suggests that gay people are wrong. There's no space for that. It is the biggest deal breaker for me on the planet. The biggest.
Pumps
Well, and that's the thing about the hypocrisy and why it's so easy to point out the hypocrisy of evangelicals because they're running around on Grindr and then they're minimizing people that do the exact same thing. They do, and they think they're better than them. They think that they are inherently better.
Jennifer
Now that there's all this, you know, like, tech stuff, I think that we need to have, like, hackers for good. And we need all of these evangelical preachers and, like, the people that work in the youth group, all the people that are in the, like, offices of these megachurches that just completely rip off the public, and we need to hack into their Google search histories, pornhubs, social media accounts, DMs, and then just release it all.
Pumps
Oh, well, that would be fantastic.
Jennifer
But here's the deal.
Pumps
I guarantee you, those, like the Joel Olsteen and the Scientology, those leader guys, their security is so much better than Pete Hegseth. Like, we can get on a signal app and do war plans before we'd be able to get these search streets, I promise you.
Jennifer
Right.
Pumps
But it's so guarded.
Jennifer
But a lot of this leads to, like, it starts when you. When you have shame about doing something. Like, a lot of these evangelical preachers are probably gay and. Or bi curious in my world. And in your world, there's no shame in that, but in their world, there's horrific shame. I mean, one of the singular motivations of all of evangelical Christianity is to protect all of these wonderful marriages with the straights.
Pumps
Right?
Jennifer
Right. Like, that's their big, big movement. And so I think when you have something that you feel shame about and you do it on the DL all the time, it can turn into an Addiction. And all addictions escalate each time. Like you have that. There was this guy, he was a mega church guy in Colorado. I can't remember his name, but he was all this anti gay from the pulpit and then he ends up doing poppers with some gay escort. They're, they're doing butt stuff and poppers and you know, and then it's all over the news. And then you got that senator Larry Craig that was trying to get laid at like the Minneapolis airport, right? And so yes, they have, you know, they probably have some security. But I do think when you are doing something that's normal for you, that should be normal for you, but the societal and religious constructs tell you it's naughty and terrible and it's a sin and there has to be a human sacrifice in order for it to be atoned and all this crazy shit. Then I think it can turn into higher risk, higher risk, higher risk behaviors and it gets demented within that prism. And I think they're so jealous of all of these gay people and the gay parades and they get so triggered by the pride parade because deep down they envy that kind of honesty and that type of authenticity, but they're incapable of living it because of all of the religious and societal constraints that they don't have enough conviction to stand up to.
Pumps
I completely agree with all that. But I just think the level of security they've built in to keep their secrets. You know, like the Jerry Falwell thing that eventually or junior fell apart because the wife's banging the pool boy and he's watching and all that, at some point they crack. But I just feel like these super high mega church with all of the money, they protect the money at all costs.
Jennifer
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Pumps
I just had no idea how much your hair thins as you get older. So I pop mine on when I'm watching a show or when I'm doing chores. It's so easy. And I really have noticed a difference.
Jennifer
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Kylie
We've got voice memos today.
Jennifer
Let's go.
Kylie
Up first we've got Tavi.
G
Hello, old hag.
H
Second favorite lesbian. And Kylie, this is Tavi here. Huge fan of the podcast. I'm gonna quickly share and I've had it because I'm fresh out of the situation that made me think about it and that is I have had it with full body mirrors across from the toilet in public restrooms. This is the third or fourth time in the last month I've seen seen this in New York City. And I want to know who was sitting on the thinking, you know what? We need a full body mirror in here. We need a shot of me in my most vulnerable position. What the are you thinking? You just want to straight shot up your cooter or looking at your and balls hanging in the bowl. What the is going on? The only connection I can think here, aside from Trumpism and Stanley cups, is these are the same designers who look at a strip mall and think, you know what this needs to be a church. What the do you mean you're having church in an old Sears? I grew up going to a church. I'm not kidding you. In Amarillo, Texas. That was an Albertsons before. What the is going on? These mega church designers, I, I mean, I have seriously had it with that. I just want to look one of them in the eyes and say, hey, quick question. Are you kidding me?
Jennifer
Me?
H
Don't piss me off.
Jennifer
I love him. I feel like, I feel like that's like a soulmate potential for me.
Pumps
That's an A plus plus.
Jennifer
That's just like, that's my love language. Just brow beating the insanity and the horrible taste of evangelical churches and even and probably people on the coast or international listeners don't get it. You don't get what a toxic poison evangelical Christianity is in places like Oklahoma. And then look at all those red states in the South. I mean, it's like large percentage white evangelical Christians and all of these churches, every single one of them, not only is it bad architecture, one of their number one platforms, go to all their websites. We believe that marriage is between a man and a woman.
Pumps
Yeah, no, they absolutely. And you know what else runs through the common of all that? Lowest education, highest gun ownership, murder. Like all, all the bad things.
Jennifer
Lowest pregnancy rates.
Pumps
That's the amazing part about it. That's the abstinence doesn't work. Because if you look through the buckle of The Bible belt, highest teen pregnancy rate. Also abortion.
Jennifer
My favorite was Sarah Palin. Okay, so John McCain's running against Obama in 2008. Right. And so Steve Schmidt was his like campaign manager. Now he's a, he's a part of the, he's like a never Trumper Lincoln project type guy. But he realizes like, oh fuck, John McCain's an incredible candidate. He's a moderate Republican, Vietnam vet, the whole nine. But he's up against this once in a generation. Good looking, smart, sharp as attack, well spoken as Barack Obama. And there's this movement building, so he has to have a game change candidate.
G
Yeah.
Jennifer
So he pick Sarah Palin. Who she and she and George W. Bush. To me, like they set the groundwork to, they set the psychological soil for the American public to accept dumb people in charge of stuff. George W. Bush and Sarah Palin. So she's dumber than a box of hot rocks. Right. And she has all these kids. It's like twig, leaf, branch. I remember root, you know, it's like all these whisper willow, you know, chrysanthemum. Those are her kids and she's got like 10, right. And so she's all about like, I believe in traditional family values and I believe in abstinence only. And she's a huge, you know what white evangelical megachurch hand waving Christian. Well, chrysanthemum or one of her kids gets knocked up during the campaign.
Pumps
Right.
Jennifer
I can't remember if it was during the campaign or right after. And as a teenager. And then, you know, now her other son I think is like roughed up a girl and been in, possibly arrested. I think she and Todd Palin are her husband at the time. You know, they were supposed to be America's family that looked like all American. They're divorced.
Pumps
Right.
Jennifer
You know, it's just a total hypocritical show. And I think the government has no bloody business telling people how to be families. Agree. Especially, especially those families.
Pumps
Right. Do not exalt those families.
Jennifer
Especially. I mean you named your kid all the after a bunch of tree parts.
Pumps
Well, you have. I'm just start with that from the giant. I mean like too many kids is a huge red flag in my opinion. I, I, I just think it's a huge red flag.
Jennifer
I do too.
Pumps
Case in point, Elon Musk.
Kylie
Okay, up next we've got Matt.
G
Hi, Kylie. Hi. Head beaver in charge. Hi, Jenny W. It's Matt. I haven't submitted anything for the POD in a little while, so I'm back. Riddle me this. I pulled over to send this voice memo to you guys because it's not even 5pm I'm driving to work and I've seen two. I do live in a beach city. I want to preface that now to make sure that, you know, I understand that people want to be enjoying the sun. It's a sunny day. But explain to me why I've seen two men in their 70s without a shirt on letting their boobs fucking collect dust on the public sidewalk, taxpayer, taxpayer concrete with a MAGA hat on with their fucking ugly fucking red MAGA hat on. Give me a fucking break. Like, seriously, Seriously, babe, when you get to that age, like, you have to come to terms. I need you to sit down and I'm gonna hold your hand when I say this. It is time to put a shirt on. Because you cannot be subjecting the community to your fucking not so pleasant body and your Trump hat. And the best part, to me, the most amusing part is that they can't seem to put a shirt on. But that fucking Trump hat is snug as a damn bug on their damn head. On their fat ass fucking head, their big ass forehead. So anyways, if you see another man in their Trump hat, no shirt on, in your town, Oklahoma, wherever you live in Oklahoma, I want you to run in the window and say, put a fucking shirt on.
Jennifer
A go.
Pumps
Thanks.
G
Have a good day.
Jennifer
I tell you what, you guys, Pumps and I have seen two MAGA hats together in two years, two and a half years. That's it. One was we were leaving Walmart, which Pumps likes to shop at Walmart. And I went with her. And there's a woman that walked in with a MAGA hat. And the other time was Inauguration day, and we were at this cafe that we eat breakfast at like two or three days a week. It's like a greasy spoon American diner. And on Inauguration Day, this woman is in there and she has like American flags and she has on her MAGA hat and pumps. And I. I mean, I felt like I wanted to do violent things. Like, I felt like I hate her. And I stared at her accordingly so that she knew, like, I know. I know what's in your heart, bitch. I fucking know. And you can go to your mega church and you can put live Laugh Love on your with a Christian cross on your profile and you can free base Fox News out of your goddamn Stanley Cup. But I know, I know you're a racist. I know you're a homophobe. I know you're a hypocrite. I know you were produced in the DumbF factory and participate in the Dumb factory every day. But other than that, I have not seen any MAGA hats in Oklahoma City.
Pumps
No, I haven't either. Yeah, seems like that's it. Yeah. Yeah, we saw that one in California, but we were in la, which made it even more shocking. But I will say this. The. The wearing no shirt old man with the MAGA hat is less alarming to me, which there is nothing grosser. Don't get me wrong, it is less alarming than you seeing an 18 year old with a MAGA hat on. That terrifies me more than the old man that I can picture watching Fox News. It's the young kids wearing MAGA hats. That's what scares me.
Jennifer
No, that's a great point. It's a really good point. That's far more terrifying. It really is. Yeah, it is far more terrifying. Okay, Kylie, last one.
Kylie
Okay. The last one is from Bridie. Hi girlies.
I
This is Bridie from England. And today I will be dragging out a dead horse and beating it to a pulp because my I've had it is like crunchy granola mums that are just a public menace, a complete nuisance. This is inspired by the fact that two days in a row at my work, for context, I work in a cafe. Two mothers allowed their children to sit down on a potty in the middle of the cafe and just go about their business. And then when they were confronted about it by my manager, they didn't see an issue with it. They were confused as to why we were complaining. That is disgusting. It's unhygienic, it's weird. And you are putting your child in like a crazy unsafe situation. Also, I thought the point of potty training was teaching them to go appropriately and run to the toilet. I don't know. Love you guys. Bye bye.
Jennifer
That sounds like something that would happen in America, right? I'm shocked. In the uk.
Pumps
Yeah, I'm shocked.
Jennifer
I'm very disappointed.
Pumps
I could see that happening here in Oklahoma City, but I'm shocked it's going on there. That is the most obnoxious, rude, most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Jennifer
It's. This is why I don't think children. For their benefit, for their safety, for their safety. They don't need to be out in public as much as these parents are dragging them out. They. That mother put that child in a very unsafe position because had somebody been a little liquored up a little emotionally unhinged a little bit, woke up a little bit cunty that day. That kid could have gotten the brunt of something.
Pumps
Absolutely. And that's, that's just offensive and gross. And how about the woman or the mother acting like she's offended that you're offended, like, shut the fuck up. Nobody wants to watch anybody else shit while they eat, regardless of age.
Jennifer
I always, when my kids were really little, when somebody would roll their eyes or think they were loud, I always gave deference to that person. Always. And was like, I'm sorry. Like I'm in this position. I know it fucking sucks. I'm sorry. But this is the best I can do in this moment with these kids.
Pumps
Right.
Jennifer
It's the parents that think that project that everybody is going to think their kids is, are as cute as they do or care about their kids. You know, it takes me back to people putting the signs in the yard about their kids going to, attending school.
Pumps
Did I tell you I saw one for 2027?
Jennifer
Yeah, we discussed it two years.
Pumps
I mean, like, shut the up. It's Power mom on a whole new level now we're in public. I can't take it. Power mom should be outlawed. Should be law.
Jennifer
I know, I know. All right, that's all we have for today. Make sure you pre order our book. The link is below. It's called Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches. It drops May 27, so make sure you already pre ordered it so you can get all the tea on pumps and me buy our merch. Subscribe to all of our stuff. Leave us a five star review because that was two one stars and I think Yin yang. Yin yang.
Pumps
Although we admit to being.
Jennifer
And Jesus, quit running commercials. You're already famous enough.
Pumps
Your book's already a bestseller.
Jennifer
Your book has been a bestseller forever. My life is a lazy Susan of shit sandwiches. Pumps.
Pumps
Tell him we will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. I'll tell you what I've had it with.
Jennifer
Let's hear it. I've had it with that. Listen up patriots, Gay trio and Natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called Ihip News. It's Monday through Friday. Every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America. Always served with a side of petty grievances.
Pumps
We are on all the available platforms. Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcast and YouTube.
Jennifer
Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps. Pumps. What does an eagle say? Cacao. A little bit more enthusiasm.
Pumps
Caca.
Jennifer
That's it. That's. That's ca.
Pumps
Caw.
Jennifer
That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.
Angie
Pluto TV has all the shows and movies you love streaming for free. That means laughter is free with gut busting comedies like the Neighborhood Boomerang and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Bueller Free Mystery is free with countless cases to crack from Criminal Minds Tracker and Matlock.
Jennifer
I'm a Lawyer like the old TV show.
Angie
And thrills are free with heart pumping hits like the Walking Dead and Pulp Fiction. Correctamundo. Feel the free Pluto TV stream now pay never.
Podcast Summary: "I've Had It" - Episode: "Jesus Christ Super Capitalist"
Introduction
In the May 8, 2025 episode of "I've Had It," hosts Jennifer Welch and Angie “Pumps” Sullivan delve deep into the intersection of religion and capitalism, focusing on the commercialization of Christianity in modern America. Through sharp wit and unabashed honesty, the duo critiques the pervasive influence of evangelical Christianity in political and economic spheres, highlighting the troubling blend of faith and financial gain.
1. The Fusion of Evangelical Christianity and Capitalism
Jennifer and Pumps kick off the episode by addressing the unsettling trend of religious figures and organizations embracing capitalist practices. They scrutinize how prominent evangelical leaders, such as Joel Osteen, employ massive advertising campaigns to promote their messages, effectively turning faith into a brand.
2. Advertising Jesus: The Capitalist’s Dilemma
A significant portion of the discussion centers on the alarming presence of Jesus Christ advertisements on mainstream television platforms, including high-profile events like the Super Bowl. The hosts question the necessity and authenticity of commercializing a figure central to billions of believers worldwide.
3. Hypocrisy within Evangelical Leadership
Jennifer and Pumps expose the contradictions within evangelical leadership, pointing out how these leaders preach moral virtues while simultaneously engaging in questionable personal behaviors. They cite examples of hypocrisy among church leaders who publicly condemn immoral actions yet privately partake in them.
4. The Impact of Evangelical Christianity on Society
The hosts discuss the broader societal implications of evangelical dominance, such as opposition to birth control, high gun ownership rates, and low intellectual engagement. They argue that these factors contribute to a toxic societal environment that stifles progress and inclusivity.
5. Emotional Regulation and Communication in a Polarized Society
Transitioning from political and religious critique, Jennifer and Pumps explore the importance of emotional regulation in today's polarized climate. They emphasize the value of not reacting impulsively to triggers and maintaining self-respect over engaging in emotional chaos.
6. Gender Stereotypes and the Use of Profanity
The episode also touches upon the double standards in society regarding profanity. Jennifer and Pumps challenge the expectation that women should refrain from cursing, highlighting the sexist underpinnings that allow men more freedom in their language without facing the same backlash.
7. Listener Engagement: Voice Memos and Feedback
Throughout the episode, the hosts engage with listener feedback, reading and responding to voice memos and reviews. They address concerns ranging from mundane annoyances, like full-body mirrors in public restrooms, to broader societal frustrations, reinforcing their commitment to voicing grievances that resonate with their audience.
8. The Role of Hypocrisy in Evangelical Communities
Jennifer and Pumps delve deeper into the detrimental effects of hypocrisy within evangelical communities. They argue that the disconnect between preached values and actual behaviors fosters an environment where immoral actions are easily forgiven, perpetuating a cycle of deceit and lack of personal accountability.
Conclusion
In "Jesus Christ Super Capitalist," Jennifer Welch and Angie Sullivan deliver a compelling critique of the commercialization of evangelical Christianity, exposing the inherent hypocrisies and societal impacts of this fusion with capitalism. Through candid discussions and listener interactions, the episode underscores the urgent need for authenticity and moral integrity in both religious and political leadership.
Key Takeaways:
Notable Quotes Recap:
This summary captures the essence of the episode while respecting the requested structure and content guidelines.