Let Them be A**holes

Summary

Podcast Title: I've Had It
Episode: Let Them be A**holes
Hosts: Jennifer Welch and Angie “Pumps” Sullivan
Release Date: January 21, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Let Them be A**holes," hosts Jennifer Welch and Angie “Pumps” Sullivan dive deep into the frustrations and challenges posed by difficult individuals in our lives. Through personal anecdotes, expert insights, and engaging discussions, they explore strategies to cope with negativity and maintain personal well-being.

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Online Stalking Gone Wrong

Mel Robbins, an acclaimed guest, opens the conversation by sharing a personal mishap with online stalking:

• Mel Robbins [01:20]: "What I've had it with is when Internet stalking goes so wrong. And this happened to me very recently."

She recounts liking a post from a stalker account for amusement, only to have her action exposed, leading to uncomfortable confrontations.

• Angie Pumps Sullivan [01:56]: "Do not double tap at Pumps. Pumps. Do not."

This humorous exchange highlights the pitfalls of passive internet behaviors and the unintended consequences they can bring.

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Accidental Text Messaging Fiascos

The hosts transition to the common frustration of sending texts to the wrong recipients:

• Mel Robbins [02:33]: "You have to get it back."

• Angie Pumps Sullivan [04:20]: "There is nothing more terrifying than sending a text to the wrong person."

They discuss various scenarios where accidental texts lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships, emphasizing the importance of mindfulness in digital communications.

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Angie’s Cat Conundrum

Angie shares a heartfelt and humorous story about her elderly cat, Kitsky:

• Angie Pumps Sullivan [05:00]: "I've had it with my cat and listener. I just have to go through this with you all again..."

After a medical bath meant to address Kitsky's health issues, the cat returns home unexpectedly hairless, causing both concern and laughter among the hosts.

• Angie [09:03]: "When I came home from work and I hear her going, meow, meow. So I go over to see her and I'm just like, wow, what happened?"

This segment underscores the unpredictability of pet care and the emotional bonds between pets and their owners.

---

Listener Engagement: Poems and Reviews

The episode features uplifting interactions with listeners, showcasing their appreciation for the podcast:

• Listener David Franklin [15:03]: "With voices strong and humor so real, the I've Had It podcast gives you the feel of truth and laughter..."

• Five-Star Review [16:05]: "This show is such a bright spot in my otherwise curmudgeonly day."

These contributions highlight the podcast's impact and the strong community it fosters.

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Political Rant: Navigating Narcissism in Leadership

Hosts express their disdain for the incoming president, characterizing his behavior as narcissistic:

• Angie Pumps Sullivan [17:08]: "It's humiliating, it's embarrassing, and I just want everybody to know we will not pre surrender."

They discuss the challenges of dealing with a narcissistic leader and the importance of maintaining personal boundaries and resilience in such political climates.

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Understanding Dark Humor and Emotional Stability

Mel Robbins introduces a study linking dark humor to higher emotional intelligence and stability:

• Angie Pumps Sullivan [26:35]: "Dark humor often combines satire, sarcasm, and irony, weaving together deeper social or cultural commentary."

• Mel Robbins [19:17]: "That makes me feel smart."

This segment explores how appreciating dark humor can be indicative of cognitive and emotional strengths.

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In-Depth with Mel Robbins: Coping with Narcissistic Behavior

A significant portion of the episode features Mel Robbins discussing strategies to handle narcissistic individuals using the "let them, let me" philosophy:

• Kylie [27:30]: "So there's two basic ways. Either there's a complete overindulgence of the child..."

Mel elaborates on how narcissistic traits develop and offers actionable advice:

• Mel Robbins [28:09]: "The power's never in the other person. The power is in you and your response to the other person."

• Kylie [30:33]: "Responsibility is just the ability to respond and responding differently to immature people..."

This conversation emphasizes personal empowerment and the importance of controlling one's reactions rather than attempting to change others.

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Personal Growth and Relationships Amidst Addiction

Angie opens up about her tumultuous relationship with her husband’s addiction and how applying Mel's strategies helped:

• Angie [39:51]: "My husband is a recovering drug addict. And he's been to rehab five times..."

• Kylie [45:08]: "If roles were reversed... I would have fucking bad mouthed him to those children."

They discuss the balance between setting boundaries and maintaining family integrity, highlighting the emotional maturity required to support loved ones while safeguarding one's own well-being.

---

"Had It or Hit It" Game Segment

The hosts engage in a playful segment where they categorize frustrations:

• Angie [55:48]: "Helicopter moms."

• Kylie [57:09]: "You are making them dependent upon you and making them doubt themselves."

They debate the merits of being the "bigger person" versus retaliating against perceived injustices, reinforcing the episode's central theme of managing negative interactions constructively.

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Manifesting and Vision Boards: A New Perspective

The discussion shifts to the concept of manifesting, with Mel Robbins offering a refined approach:

• Kylie [60:49]: "Everybody does them wrong..."

• Mel Robbins [64:13]: "The way she explains it, I kind of. I'm kind of in on manifesting. It's a huge turnaround..."

They explore the importance of visualizing the process rather than just the end goal, advocating for a more realistic and effort-focused method of achieving aspirations.

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Conclusion: Embracing Resilience and Community

As the episode wraps up, hosts reflect on the insights shared and encourage listeners to take actionable steps in managing difficult relationships and personal growth:

• Angie [65:37]: "What does an eagle say?"

• Mel Robbins [65:43]: "Caca."

Ending on a light-hearted note, the hosts reiterate the importance of resilience, community support, and maintaining personal boundaries in the face of adversity.

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Key Takeaways

• Empowerment Over Control: Focus on controlling your own responses rather than trying to change others.
• Emotional Maturity: Avoid badmouthing loved ones to children; maintain integrity and support.
• Mindful Communication: Be cautious with digital interactions to prevent misunderstandings.
• Healthy Boundaries: Set and uphold boundaries to protect personal well-being.
• Constructive Coping Mechanisms: Utilize humor, personal growth strategies, and community support to navigate challenges.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Mel Robbins [28:09]: "The power's never in the other person. The power is in you and your response to the other person."
• Angie Pumps Sullivan [55:41]: "I would hit it every day, sometimes twice a day."
• Kylie [57:25]: "Remember, people only get sober when being drunk is harder than doing the work to change."

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This episode of "I've Had It" offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and expert advice, equipping listeners with the tools to handle difficult individuals and foster personal resilience. Whether dealing with online mishaps, navigating complex relationships, or seeking personal growth, Jennifer, Angie, and Mel provide valuable insights to empower their audience.

Transcript

[Jennifer Welch]

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[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

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[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

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[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

So are we supposed to start the podcast?

[Mel Robbins]

Pretty. One, two, three.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

All right, listen up. This is the rebellion. And what we say here is patriots. Gaytriots. They trots. That's right. Pumps. What have you had it with?

[Mel Robbins]

Okay, what I've had it with is when Internet stalking goes so wrong. And this happened to me very recently. I have a few accounts that, just for my own personal amusement, that I stalk because I'm just like, I cannot believe this is on the Internet. Like, they put it on there, not like hidden camera. And the other day, I was going through one of my stalker accounts, and I liked it. I liked it. And now they know that I stalked them. And it's.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

So you liked their post?

[Mel Robbins]

Yes, I was trying to enlarge it, and I liked it.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

See, this is my worst nightmare with you.

[Mel Robbins]

It's horrible.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I'll be like, oh, my God, look at what such and such posted. And you're like, oh, my God, let me see, let me see. And you're grabbing your glasses, and I just immediately start, like, cringing, throwing a kegel for good measure. And I'm like, do not double tap at Pumps. Pumps. Do not.

[Kylie]

I won't.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I won't. Sure enough.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah. And see, I've done that to Emily's phone, my daughter's phone, like, two or three times. And she gets so mad.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Child abuse.

[Mel Robbins]

And I'm just like, o.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Whatever.

[Mel Robbins]

Who cares?

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

That is child abuse.

[Mel Robbins]

But when I did it to myself, I was just like, okay, I owe her an apology because it's really bad. Because it's like the minute you see.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

The heart, you're like, oh, it's humiliating.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, my God. Did I ever tell you about the time one of my dearest Girlfriends Forever was when email first came out and she was emailing at work and an email from a guy that she dated came in. And at the same time an email from her friend saying how was the date came in. So she accidentally responded to what she thought was her friend and started describing how she didn't think she could go out with him again because he had this weird odor that he had this smell on his breath that was like vomit. And he was cute enough and entertaining, but it was just this reek smell. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Just goes. And if you knew her, you would know that she would go on and on in describing exactly the smell. Then she hit sinned and she realizes it was to him. And she runs into like the computer room. It's like, you have to get it back.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

You have to get it back.

[Mel Robbins]

Like you can't get it back. And he just responded, I guess we won't be seeing each other again. I mean, that's bad.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

There is nothing more terrifying than. Than sending a text to the wrong person. Oftentimes during the day, I have my text pulled up on my desktop or on my laptop, because then I can use full 10 digits to fire off texts from my keyboard. And it's. So I'm looking at an email, looking at a website. Texts are right there. Oftentimes you see one come in and you just respond, but you're not in the right thread.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

So I haven't had anything that bad, but there have been some that I've sent and then I just like. I'm like, oops, sorry about that. That was intended for another thread, but.

[Mel Robbins]

And normally they're fine. You just, hey, sorry, that was the wrong text thread. I have talked about somebody. Like we were in a group text and then I went off with another person in the group text and started talking about one of the people on the group text and accidentally sent it to the group text. So she knew what I was saying about her. Yeah.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

You know what happens?

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

That might have been a hashtag blessed blessing. Because now this person that you didn't like knows for sure we don't like each other. Yeah. And you don't have to feign.

[Mel Robbins]

Right.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

It's just like, she trashed me in the group text. I hate her. She hates me. We're done.

[Mel Robbins]

Right?

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

There's something tidy, clean, and respectable about that.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah. I wasn't near as upset about it as the other people I was texting with that were just like, I did it. And then I hopped in the shower and I Get out. And my phone is blown up. Oh, my God. You sent that in the wrong text. And my phone's ringing and I'm like, well, all right.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

How bad was it? What'd you say?

[Mel Robbins]

I think I said she was cheap and obnoxious. Which, to be fair, she was.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Well, of course, yeah. I mean, if you say it, especially being, you know, the world class attorney that you are, you're not going to slander yourself in some tech stream unless, in fact, she was cheap and obnoxious.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

All right, let me tell you what I've had it with. I have had it with my cat and listener. I just have to go through this with you all again because Pumps is aware of some of it. Y'all aren't aware of all of it, but I have the cat. She's female. Her name is Kitsky. And we adopted the cat. We had. Adoptdonshop. I adopted the cat for my children because I had another cat that hated the children and loved me. And so I got this cute little black and white cat named Kitski. She's had a lot of problems. We've had asthma. Asthma's in remission. We had diabetes. Diabetes was in remission. Diabetes comes back. Diabetes goes back into remission again. Well, just the other day last week, as a matter of fact, Pumps and I are at lunch, and the mobile veterinarian swung by my house to do her, quote, senior blood work, because she is, like 16 or 17 years old. And they called me while Pumps and I were dining to give me the update on her blood work. And it just goes like this. I'm like, hello? And they're like, great news. Kiski's diabetes is still in remission. And I hear Pumps hears them say this, and she goes, oh, for fuck's sake. Because everybody knows Pumps wants to kill my cat. And so they go on and on that there's possibly a kidney marker, possibly not. She has arthritis, all of these things, right? But the main thing they're zeroing in on is that the cat needs a medical bath. Because as established on this podcast, she's let herself go and she's not grooming herself. So I said, okay, I. I consent to the medical bath. If you pick her up, take her somewhere and bathe her and then drop her back off. I can't have any part of it. I can't get scratch. I don't want to go the trauma of it. I've got this podcast I got to record. I just need for you all to do the bath. Fine, no problem.

[Mel Robbins]

Can I just interject. She had the bath because she has mats and dandruff, Right?

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

She needed a bath. Okay.

[Mel Robbins]

But dandruff.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

She has dandruff. She has cat dandruff. Okay? So vet calls me, hey, I'm going in your house to get the cat. I'll have her back by the time you get home from work. Great. Thanks so much. I say to her, I get home from work and I have a hairless cat. My cat's completely bald. She is. I have a bald cat. I literally have a cat that is in asthma remission twice. Diabetes remission. Used to be a fluffy cat. Not like a Persian, but a lot of hair. You know, an American short hair. Now I've got a hairless cat. I've got a hairless cat on my hands here. She's got hair on her face, and she has a little ball of hair on her tail. But other than that, she's bald.

[Mel Robbins]

She's bald. The medical bath was a shave job.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

It was.

[Kylie]

It.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

There was no.

[Mel Robbins]

No, baby.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

It was a haircut.

[Mel Robbins]

It was a haircut. And I just thought it was so funny because it was startling. It was like, oh, my gosh.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Well, you can imagine my surprise.

[Jennifer Welch]

Yeah.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

When I came home from work and I hear her going, meow, meow. So I go over to see her and I'm just like, wow, what happened? Medical bath did not in my brain equate to shaving. Right.

[Mel Robbins]

It must have been bad.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I think the vet was just like, fuck it. And then, of course, it snows for, like, two days here. So she's freezing, and I'm not completely heartless. I'm going to cover her up, you know, make sure she's all warm. But I just want to take a little stroll down memory lane that this cat we adopted in, like, 2008, and it is a she, and her name is Kitsky, around, I would say, 20, 16, 17, possibly 18. So we've had the cat well over a decade at this point. The mobile vet wasn't able to do everything she needed to do in the house. So I told Josh, I'm slammed today. I need for you to drop that cat off at the vet. And here's the address, and you'll have to fill out the paperwork for her. So, again, I just want to remind everybody, Kitsky and a she. And at this point, we've had the cat for over 10 years. The vet calls us and leaves this voicemail. Kylie, play it.

[Mel Robbins]

Hi, this is Allison calling from Gleneagles Pet Hospital.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

And we were Just calling to let you know that Caskey is a she.

[Kylie]

So we have a female cat.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

And also to let you know that we're gonna. Okay, so I just want to say that all Josh had to do was walk in and fill out the paperwork, right. That it was a female and the cat's name was Kitsky, and he reported the cat as Catsky and as a male. So the vet called us to tell us that our female cat that everybody bloody well knew was a female, was in fact a female.

[Mel Robbins]

I take exception to the term everybody because we have one person in your house that didn't.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I know.

[Mel Robbins]

Tell him what he. He said to the vet when they came to do our senior blood work.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Okay. So I had to leave the day that they came. That led up to the bath. I had to leave super early in the morning. So I left around 7. Josh probably left around like 8:30 that morning. And the mobile vets coming into the house and they're like, hey, we're here to check on. Kids can hear any. Any improvements. What's going on? How's her, you know, how's the diabetes? How's the asthma? And Josh goes, I'm just going to stop everybody right there. I don't know anything that's going on with that cat. I don't know if she's better. I don't know if she's worse. I don't know if she's okay. I don't know if she's not okay. I just live here with her. And the vets were kind of like, okay, okay. So, yeah. And then I came home that night. We all came home to a hairless cat.

[Mel Robbins]

I mean, it's pretty funny. The hairless cat.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I have a hairless cat.

[Kylie]

You do.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

And here's the thing. Like, I. I keep thinking one of these senior blood work checks is going to come back. We've got stage five cancer. I don't even know if there is a stage five. I think it only goes to four. Right.

[Mel Robbins]

But.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

But I'm thinking that's what we're about to get. Nope.

[Mel Robbins]

She's great. In fact, when I heard the vet talking, I was hoping she said, we checked for kidney markers. And I thought, there we go. Yeah, kidney failure, kidney. We got some kidney issues with the old cat.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Nope.

[Mel Robbins]

Came out smelling like a roast. Strong kidney.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I will note to you the exact year ago, senior checkup, blood work checkup. We did have a kidney issue. And I believe now that's in remission.

[Mel Robbins]

I didn't even know diabetes could go in Remission. To be real honest, this cat is amazing.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I'm just. It's. I'm curious if now she's going to get hypothermia because she's hairless. Welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer.

[Mel Robbins]

I'm Angie.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

She wants to kill my cat.

[Mel Robbins]

See, I think. I feel like that's strong.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Do you think I should put the cat down? Yes. Yes.

[Mel Robbins]

But that doesn't mean I want you to kill the cat.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

That's exactly what that.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, it means to go to the vet.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

It's exactly the vet. You just give it the. I just.

[Mel Robbins]

Just don't.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

What is euthanasia? What is it?

[Mel Robbins]

I mean, it's death. I get that, but it's not.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Okay, let me. Let me say.

[Mel Robbins]

With her ghost, go strangle the cat.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Let me tell you what the kids on the Internet say.

[Mel Robbins]

What?

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Pumps wants me to un. Alive my cat.

[Mel Robbins]

Not you personally, but I think you should just hurry the vet along.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

This vet. You remember the movie A Few Good Men? Did you order the Code Red?

[Kylie]

I did order.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Did you order the Code Red?

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Pumps ordered the Code Red.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah, I would.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Pumps has ordered a code Red on Kitsky, who's now Hairless.

[Mel Robbins]

Hairless Kitsky.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Kylie, you think I should kill the cat?

[Listener]

I don't know about killing it, but I do really hate cats, so I have a hard time empathizing.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I really feel bad for. I think she's kind of embarrassed now that she doesn't have hair, she's naked and knowing that Pumps ordered the Code Red.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah.

[Listener]

It's also so much worse that she has hair on her face. That's like when someone's naked but with socks on.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Yeah.

[Listener]

It's like way more naked somehow.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

You know what you're supposed to say? Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholas.

[Mel Robbins]

Goddamn right I did.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

No, you're Goddamn. Yes. Say it again.

[Mel Robbins]

You're goddamn right I did.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Yeah, that's it.

[Mel Robbins]

I ordered the Code Red.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Do you know that movie, Kylie?

[Listener]

I do not.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Oh, my God.

[Mel Robbins]

You've not seen a few.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

You don't know A Few Good Men?

[Listener]

I. I know it exists.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Tom Cruise.

[Mel Robbins]

It's a great movie to me. More Jack.

[Listener]

I love Demi Moore.

[Mel Robbins]

Or is it Nicholas?

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Jack Nicholson? Is it Nicholson? Whatever. Somebody's a gol. Nicholson.

[Mel Robbins]

Nicholson.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Jack Nicholson. Yeah, he's fabulous. The golfer?

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah. Demi Moore's fabulous.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

What about Jack Nicholson in here's Johnny.

[Mel Robbins]

I haven't seen that movie forever.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Okay.

[Listener]

Okay. I have a poem that I'm going to read you.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Wait, did you write it? Did a listener write it? Where'd it come from?

[Listener]

A listener wrote it. A listener named David Franklin emailed this to us.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Okay.

[Listener]

And he writes, dedicated with love and respect to Jennifer Welch and Angie Pumps Sullivan.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Okay.

[Listener]

With voices strong and humor so real, the I've had It podcast gives you the feel of truth and laughter and honest flair. A space to vent, to let down your hair. With every episode, a new rant begins about the little things that make our heads spin. From pet peeves to moments that frustrate They've got the stories we can all relate from everyday annoyances to bigger gripes they speak for us all no sugar or types with sharp wit and wisdom they take the lead turning life's troubles into what we all need they'll call out the quirks the things we all know the things that we see but never quite show no topic too big, no gripe too small On I've had it they cover it all so tune in and listen Let them share the truth for we all need a place to voice our proof In a world full of noise They're a welcome sound that I've had at podcast where honesty is found.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, my gosh. That's like the nicest thing ever. And it's so well done.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I mean, that is like an ode.

[Mel Robbins]

That's what I was just gonna say. It's like an ode.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

It's an ode to us. And I don't know. I mean, you ordered the code red, but you still get that much love.

[Mel Robbins]

I know.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

That's how dynamic and magnanimous you are. That's why you're the star of the show.

[Mel Robbins]

Thank you. David Franklin.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Yes. Thank you so much. It's amazing to take the time and the care and the creativity. It's just. That is love.

[Listener]

I thought it was breathtaking.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

It really is. It really is breathtaking. Any reviews?

[Listener]

Yeah, I've got one. Five star review I want to read you. Like a balm to my soul is what it's titled. This show is such a bright spot in my otherwise curmudgeonly day. Y'all are going to carry me through this hellscape that will be the next four years. Thanks for all you do, for all the laughs and for saying what many of us think. Every time Jen says riff raff and knick knack, my life is extended by a year, so I'm going to live forever, I think. Anyway. Love, y'all.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

You know, that's.

[Mel Robbins]

I.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

That just. I love that review. Thank you very much for the five stars. And I just Want to revisit for just a second that the incoming president of the United States runs a flea market on the Internet, and it's full of riff raffs and knickknacks and that just there are so many things to focus on that are so immoral and awful and depressing and daunting to think about. So sometimes I just grab something that just. I can completely wrap my hands around and I'm like the President of the United States that told debris I'm a billionaire. I don't have to beg people for money. I'm so rich, I'm so hot, I'm so tan, I have great hair, yak, yak, blah, blah. Literally runs an online flea market where he sells bibles, cologne, Christmas ornaments, talking Trump fish, all sorts of crazy shit. And it's so trashy. We have, like, white trash president. It's humiliating, it's embarrassing, and I just want everybody to know we will not pre surrender. They will have to drag us off in cuffs. We will never give up our First Amendment right, and we will bash this motherfucker until our dying days.

[Mel Robbins]

Starting with this makeup, everything else.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

All the way to the flea market.

[Mel Robbins]

All the way to the flea market.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

All right, I have some news I would like to share with the class today. People who enjoy dark humor are smarter and more emotionally stable, study says. According to a study, fans of dark humor tend to have higher education levels, lower aggression, and better emotional regulation. Why? Because understanding this type of humor is no simple task. It takes abstract thinking, emotional intelligence, and the ability to process contradictions. Dark humor often combines satire, sarcasm, and irony, weaving together deeper social or cultural commentary. And I love dark humor so much.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah, that makes me feel smart.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Yeah. And I would say, I would argue that our listeners. Because we provide a lot of dark humor, I think listeners, what we are doing here is confirming that we are, all, it says here, smarter and more emotionally stable.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, I don't think there's any question about that. Here's the only thing that kills me, about the only thing I'm not good at in terms of what that list was like, really terrible at, is determining what satire and what's real we've become. This world where half the shit that's real, I think is satire, you know?

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Well, I mean, yeah, when you see, like, somebody like Marjorie Taylor Greene say that Democrats are controlling the weather, you think she fucking with us, Right? Is Ashton Kutcher about to come in and tell us we're getting punked and she's actually a congresswoman or. Or you hear Moses Mike Johnson talk about, yeah, God's waking me up every night, tell me I'm Moses. And you're like, he's joking, right? No, they're dead serious. So it's. Sometimes I think it is difficult to know, but like the onion, they're, they're great. Oh my God, it's so funny. I love it.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah. In Trump's America, it's hard to know facts from fiction.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

All right, Listener, we have a guest today. You probably know her or have heard of her. If you haven't, we'll introduce you to her. Her name is Mel Robbins. She is an award winning PODC New York Times best selling author and one of the most followed and sought after experts in mindset, behavior change and life improvement. Anyway, let's welcome to I've had it. Mel Robbins, Listener. This may come as a total shock to you, but Pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid. In fact, we used to be rather screwed up. Wouldn't you say? Pumps?

[Mel Robbins]

I would say damn near psychotic.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Totally. And we have written a cell phone expose. One could even say it's a manifesto. And the book title is Life is.

[Mel Robbins]

Lazy Susan of Sandwiches.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show notes to pre order your copy now. Pumps My son facetimed me the other day in this dry winter weather. I didn't realize that I looked like a raisin until I saw myself on the FaceTime screen. And that's why I'm so grateful that I've discovered Apostrophe. It is an online platform that connects you with an expert dermatology team to get you customized treatment for your unique skin. I was able to order ultra hydrating skin and that's why you see this supple look about my glow today.

[Mel Robbins]

I did notice you were glowing. What I really like about Apostrophe is you put your skin goals in an online consultation and then they tailor the plan for you and you get access to an expert dermatology team. And it's so simple to sign up for a visit.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

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[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Okay, let's welcome to I've had it. Mel Robbins Mel how are you today?

[Kylie]

Today I'm actually really good. How are you two doing?

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

That's really good. But we need you to get kind of cranky for our podcast.

[Kylie]

Oh, get fucking ready. Because I haven't eaten, so it's about to be, like, cranky and hangry, and I'm ready.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

All right, let's. I'm just gonna. I'm gonna start it. What have you had it with, Mel?

[Kylie]

Oh, my God. I've had it with the headlines. I've had it with narcissistic and inconsiderate and immature behavior. I've had it with. Oh, I've had it with the number of freaking cardboard boxes that come in the house and that are so hard to. You know how hard it is to, like, flatten those things. It drives me freaking crazy. I've had it with my barking all the time. I've had it with certain people's moods in my life. I've had it with how tired I am at the end of the day and how that's impacting my sex life.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Let's see.

[Kylie]

Like, do you want me to keep going?

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Let's start. Let's start dissecting those one by one. Let's.

[Kylie]

What have you had it with today?

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I'll tell you. I'd like to hone in on this narcissistic behavior.

[Kylie]

Okay, let's go.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Because I'm very reminded of it all of the time. And segueing over to the first thing you mentioned, which was the headlines, and the headlines perfectly dovetail into narcissistic behavior. And I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

[Kylie]

Here's how you're going to get through it. You're going to let them, and I'm going to tell you why. So narcissistic behavior and personality styles. This blew my mind when I learned this. And I Learned this from Dr. Ramani Diversola, who's the world's leading expert on narcissism. Did you know that narcissists are not born that way?

[Mel Robbins]

Really?

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I did know that.

[Mel Robbins]

I didn't.

[Kylie]

So there's two basic ways. Either there's a complete overindulgence of the child, and there is a messaging that we are better than. And so that is the narcissistic style that you see in people that are over the top and completely rude to other people and completely entitled. And there's so much of that in our society today. And it is. I'm done with it. I've had it. Right, right. But you've Got to let them be who they are. Because the number one rule about narcissistic behavior is that they're never going to change.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Right?

[Kylie]

Most people who have a narcissistic personality style do not know that they do because it's all they've ever known since childhood. And that brings me to the second way that narcissistic personality styles are cemented in childhood. And this is the very sad way it is through emotional neglect and abuse. See, there's a certain behavior range during which empathy develops in a human being. And once that range actually passes in terms of the age range, where this thing called attribution and empathy, you're able to actually understand it and practice it, if you pass that window, it's not coming back. And what happens for kids that are emotionally neglected or abused is that because they're not seen and because they feel invisible and because they're not getting their needs met through no fault of their own, because they're a child, they put up these walls with the world around them to protect themselves. And they never develop this ability to step into somebody else's shoes and consider how they might feel. And this explains a lot of our parents, A lot of our parents never actually got the emotional kind of nurturing or their needs met. And that brings me to saying, let them with anybody in your life, that's narcissistic. And this is particularly true with family members, is there is nothing that you can do that will ever change who this person is. And the more that you play into the dynamic with them, the more stress it's going to create for you because you keep showing up, hoping, hoping that they will change. And I'm here to tell you, the power's never in the other person. The power is in you and your response to the other person. And that's how you take responsibility for yourself. That's how you take responsibility for the relationship. Because responsibility is just the ability to respond and responding differently to immature people, inconsiderate people, stressed out people, or narcissistic personality styles, that changes everything.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Okay, so let me just give you a hypothetical here.

[Kylie]

Get it.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

We have a narcissist in our lives that is in charge of around 330 million people. And by your logic, we have to quote, let him. But that puts us in a precarious position because then we feel like we're pre surrendering to this person's demands and normalizing it. And so our listeners and pumps and me have a lot of anxiety and stress surrounding what's going to happen. To us, and particularly more marginalized people than us, and feel like forming a rebellion community to commiserate and empower one another is a way to combat this. So how do you take your prescription and put it on a large scale?

[Kylie]

Easy.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Where the narcissist is in charge of a lot of things for a lot of people and it's very terrifying. Can you help us and our listeners?

[Kylie]

Yes, I can. So there is absolutely nothing you can do, nothing you can do to stop this person from acting out, from being basically a six year old entitled child throwing a tantrum inside a big body, breaking laws, saying whatever they want to say, doing whatever they want to do, nothing you can do to stop that person's actions, opinions, thoughts, behavior. So focusing on that person is a complete waste of your time and energy. Allowing that person to terrorize you or to make you afraid does not empower you to actually do the second part of my let them theory, which is when you say, let me, let me remind myself that I always have power. Let me remind myself that no matter what idiot is in office or behind the microphone, I still have control over my thoughts and what I do in response, I still have control over my feelings. And if this person scares me, I've given them power. If this person makes me feel small, I've given them power. Let me remind you what Professor Margaret Mead said, which is true about history. All it's ever taken is a small group of concerned citizens to change history. And if you're concerned about what's happening, don't commiserate. Get into action, Focus on what your response is going to be instead of anticipating what this idiot is going to say. Because we all know he's going to break the law. We all know he's going to do things that are crazy. We all know that he's going to throw things at the wall and see what sticks. Why? Because this is what he's always done. He's an agitator for crying out loud. So why on earth would you allow this person to agitate you? You're not. You're going to let them be who they are, but then you're going to focus on the let me part. Let me be the wiser, smarter fox in the situation. And while the hen is clucking around the farmyard kicking up all kinds of dust, doing a bunch of nothing, I am going to be outsmarting this person because I'm going to take my time and energy and I'm not going to be commiserating because I know that anytime I'm bitching about this. I'm actually giving them power. I'm going to focus on how I'm going to respond. Let me ask you, by the way, we're going to be ready four years from now, because he's going to make a giant mess.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Let me ask you this. What does it say about us that we enjoy commiserating about it? That I kind of get a dopamine and serotonin hit going off about it? What does that reveal about pumps in me?

[Kylie]

It reveals that you're human because we bond by what's in common, right? And so it has been around since the history of time that we have all bonded over our shared enemy. We have bonded over the things that we feel we're against. And what my message is is this. It doesn't matter what's happening outside of you. What matters and where the power is is in here, inside of you. And what this moment is telling me. And I think why these words let them and let me are resonating is because, you know, we do live in a moment of time where the headlines are terrifying, where politics, whether you live in the United States or anywhere around the world, are scary. I mean, look at the fires that are spreading all over the place in California right now. And the truth is, there are always going to be things outside of your control. And there are moments in life where it is appropriate to mourn and to bitch and to commiserate and to be scared and to grieve. And then there will come a moment where you got to pick yourself back up and you got to recognize that your power is not in the things you can't control. Your power and the possibility in your life is in your response and in what you can control, which is what you think, say, and do in response. And so to me, I've already given four years to this idiot. I'm not going to give a single fucking second to him again. And I'm going to focus on what I think and what I say and what I do and showing up in a way in my life and in my community and on the issues that I care about in a way that makes me proud of myself, because that's where my power is. Because you have power over getting out of bed and putting one foot in front of the other and how you show up today. And that's where you need to focus your energy.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I really like the phrasing, let them and let me. And I can relate to it very much so because my husband is a recovering drug addict. And he's been to rehab five times, and that was very challenging. We had very small children, the peak of a lot of this. So I would go to Al Anon and their phrasing was let go, let God. Well, I'm an atheist. And so I was like, ah, God. So I could. I'm like, let go. Like, God, what the fuck is he gonna do? You know, that was my mindset. I remember. And it takes a long time to. To let them. To let go. It takes a long time for that to sink in. Because intellectually I understood that his crazy train took off from the station long before I jumped on it and I was a mere passenger and that I. Why did you stay to jump off? You know, in the early stages, you have children and it felt very unnatural. When you have really small children, it's almost like we're genetically encoded. It felt very unnatural to think about separating from him. And he wasn't an abusive addict. I mean, addicts by nature, what they do is and feels abusive. Josh really had just a horrible opioid addiction. And he was aware of it and always, constantly tried to get better. But opiates kind of get their claws in you, and it's very, very difficult for people to overcome it. And I wanted to believe in him. I also think that I was damaged too. I mean, that was, you know, damaged people choose damaged people. And so I had to work on myself. But it takes a really long time because intellectually, somebody can understand, let them. But your heart has different plans. And finally I realized that I achieved a level of personal growth where my intellect and my heart were simpatico, where they were moving at the same time. Because for a solid decade, male, I was a catastrophe. Intellectually, I understood all of it. Here is a peak, peak crazy moment for me. I was on the phone with a friend of ours named Libby. And I'm telling her on the phone, he is such a disaster. And my husband's in rehab at the time. I'm not going to speak to him anymore. I am drawing a boundary. I have had it. I'm not going to put up with his anymore. Yak, yak, yak, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, you go, girl, you got this. I go, hang on, somebody's calling me on the other line. I look over and I go, I gotta let you go. It's Josh. And I clicked over. So that's a prime moment where my intellect. I knew what I needed to do. But the minute I saw him, my heart just, you know, it was just Too impulsive. And so it's really difficult to get those two things aligned. And I know that this is something from the program where they say, fake it till you make it, but I literally kind of had to do that. I had to practice letting him, like, realizing no matter what I did, he was a broken drug addict and that was his. Like, that was. I didn't have anything to do with that. It just took such a long time for me to get. He's sober now. We're as happy as every other married couple, you know, which is.

[Kylie]

Actually, I think you're happier. And I want to. I want to unpack a couple things. So, number one, one of the most profound things that has not left me since I spoke to some psychologists and psychiatrists and neuroscientists in researching, like, why the hell does let them. And let me work. Right? Is somebody said people only get sober when being drunk or drugged is harder than doing the very difficult work to change and address the things you're running from. And it's a really important statement, because what none of us realize is that people only change when they're ready to do the work to change. And that's not an easy thing for anybody to do, because the brain in a human being is wired to do what's easy and pleasurable right now. This is why we sit on the couch instead of going for a run. It's why someone's listening to this. The person listening to this podcast has probably thought about starting a podcast. It's easier to listen than to start one. In order to change, you have to fight against human wiring and do something that's very hard and do it over and over and over again. This is why people don't change until they're ready to change. They're not going to change for you. They won't change for their kids. They don't change for anybody but themselves. Because you have to get to a point. I mean, this was me. This was my story. And I realized at some point, you're going to hit your own rock bottom in life when you just go, I don't know what I want, but I don't fucking want this. And you don't have to know what you want in life to change your life. You just have to be willing to admit that what you're doing isn't working anymore. And I do believe that people are one decision away from a different life. And the decision that changed mine was deciding to get out of fucking bed one morning on a Tuesday morning in 2008. When I didn't think it would make a difference to get out of bed instead of laying in bed like a human pot roast, marinating in fear and anxiety and overwhelm and thinking about all my problems and how mad I was at my husband, embarrassed I was at where we are. And we pulled the kids out of town soccer because we couldn't afford it, getting out of bed. Five, four, three, two, one. Boom. Move taught me that. Number one, no one's coming, you got to do it yourself. Number two, you can take action when you don't feel like it. And when you learn that that's a skill to do something even though you don't feel like it's going to work, even though you don't feel motivated, learning how to do that is a superpower. And that's what put me on a whole different train. And what I want to say to you is that over and over and over again and listening to you, you did step two of the let them theory. You kept saying, let me. Every time you relapsed, you were saying to yourself, let me remind myself of who I married. Let me remind myself that this isn't my train wreck, it's his. Let me remind myself I'm going to stay. And in doing so, you created space for him to heal on his own timeline, which is not an easy thing to do. And you also created space for you to take ownership of your part of it, which is, I'm in this codependent thing and this is shit from my childhood. And in staying, you made a decision, the two of you, to work through things that probably would have been repeated in your children had you not done the work. And now you're in this incredible relationship where you've got two people coming and choosing to be together. And I think that's an incredible thing. I mean, I've been married 28 years and you can look at my relationship now, and it's the best it's ever been. But we have been like you through like neck deep manure.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Oh, yeah.

[Kylie]

For a long time. And you know, in a relationship, I think I often think in a marriage, like, it's a lot like being on a seesaw. Sometimes you're up, they're up, you're down, they're down. Sometimes you're in balance. The key to a lasting relationship is, first of all, both people have to want it to work.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Yeah.

[Kylie]

And both people have to do the work to make it work. And in any relationship that blows off, you'll notice that way before it blew Up. Somebody got off the seesaw, and you stayed on. I'm not advocating for everybody to stay on because I think oftentimes you need to leave. But you made an empowered choice, and I think what you got in return is probably a relationship that is a hundred times deeper and more powerful and unshakable than what you had before.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Oh, it's. It isn't even comparable. And I'll tell you, sometimes Josh and I will sit up at night and we have a son that's a senior in college at Syracuse, and our youngest son is about to graduate from high school. And they're like, much better people than Josh and I are. Josh and I are shallow, vapid, pretentious, love to go, you know, shopping and just do a lot of frivolous things. Our kids are. They thrift. They go thrifting and they. They are just really good human beings. And I look at him and I'll say, it's good to know that all of that shit that we went through and by never. We never lied to our kids. I never lied to them about what was going on. I told them age appropriate responses as to what was going on with their dad. I never picked up the rug and swept it under because I know how much anxiety that would have caused them. And I never badmouthed their dad because there were stints where he just couldn't live with us because he was too off the rails. And I would, you know, say, you need to leave. I don't want the kids to see you like this. But I never badmouthed him to the kids. And I fucked up so many things, Mel. But the one thing that I'm like, like can go. You can put on her tombstone, she never called him a son of A to the kids. And. And I could have, but I knew that that would damage them because, yeah, he was a son of A. As is every other addict. They all are when they're in peak, you know, addict, of course. But I agree with you. You know, it's. It's good to.

[Kylie]

Can I. Can I can. I just highlight that, because I think this. One of the biggest things that people do in their marriages that destroy their children is they trash their partner or their ex to their children. And when somebody does that, that is a sign of massive emotional immaturity. It is a form, in my opinion, of abuse. I agree to do that to your children. And so the fact that you were able to hold your shit together through five relapses and everything that you're not and actually hold A line with yourself. So let him be in his addiction and let me stay in my power and hold this boundary with myself, because that's what I value. That is not a casual thing. That is not something that most people can do. And I'm going to tell you something. If I roles were reversed and Chris had been relapsing five times, I would have fucking bad mouthed him to those children. I would have created alliances because I did not know what I know now. And I was a walking red flag in the level of emotional maturity that way. And so I just want to applaud you because that is not a little thing. That is everything.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Well, and I want to tell the listeners because I know probably a lot of people have a husband or wife or parent that's an addict. And I know how difficult it is. And as we're saying, you know, I did this one thing right, and I did do this one thing right. But nothing about this time period was attractive. My behavior, all in all, wasn't the most attractive. I where I failed is oftentimes I had a hard time emotionally connecting with my children. So I would turn on auto mom and make sure they had food in front of them, their lunches were packed, and if the house burned down, I would remove them from it. I wasn't capable of doing a lot of things beyond this. I was sleepless, I wanted to pull my hair up by the root. I could barely eat. I mean, it was a very traumatic time. But I think for any listener listening this. When you find yourself in these situations, you have to everything, your thoughts and everything are so scattered, you have to pick a few truths that you can hold the line. And your love for a child, for me, it could supersede my most toxic instincts. And so thank you. Because I. I did a lot of other up stuff during that time period. I mean, I launched investigations, I followed him, I broke into phone records, I did all sorts of FBI investigations, of.

[Kylie]

Course, but I spared because you think you're going crazy. And here's the other thing I want to say about this, and this again goes to you. There's one thing in life you can't control. It's another person. And what they think, do say, feel what they believe, and you also cannot control when they heal. And what I wanted to say about this that I think is really important if you're really struggling right now is that that auto mom mode, I would call that middle school and high school for my children. I was in that mode because my husband ultimately left the restaurant business and if we were gonna save the house and ever pay the bills, it was on me. And so I went into go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go mode, working three jobs. My husband's getting sober, he's bottomed out, he's taking care of the kids. I was not present. But here's how I want to relieve anybody of the guilt. Because you're going to look back or in the middle of it, you're going to feel guilty because I'm not present with my kids. I'm exhausted. I can't do. Think about what you value. What is your highest value? And for me, in that period of our life, with lanes on the house and bills sky high and my husband trying to overcome depression and alcoholism and me like, I gotta pay the bills, I gotta pay the bills. I gotta keep the lights on. I gotta. My highest value is safety. And when you're in debt to that extent, it is an excruciating and relentless level of anxiety. And so I was able to go on to autopilot mom mode like you were, and not punish myself because I kept reminding myself I'm focused on the most important thing right now.

[Mel Robbins]

I have a hard time sometimes identifying what my value is in certain situations, though. Like what? Like, is it fear? Am I reacting out of fear? Am I reacting out of hurt? Am I reacting out of just not wanting to do it? Like, so sometimes I have a hard time like. Like when you were saying identifying your value, like safety, I'm like going through the list and I'm thinking, okay, yeah, that makes perfect sense. What I've seen that I. I know you have the 5 second rule on the instinct. My instincts are terrible, Mel. So I'm just.

[Kylie]

I don't think that's true. I think your instincts are dead on. I think you've gotten very good at ignoring them.

[Mel Robbins]

That's probably right.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo. It's about the home. And what makes a home is more than just the house or property. It's the location and neighborhood. If you have kids, it's also schools, nearby, parks and transportation options. That's why homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth information they need to find the right home. And when I say in depth, I'm talking deep. Each listing features comprehensive information about the neighborhood, complete with a video guide. They also have details about schools with test scores, state rankings, and student to teacher ratio. They even have an agent directory with the sales history of each each agent so when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know all in one place. Homes.com we've done your homework listener pumps and I have a brand new obsession. It is a game called June's Journey. Each scene takes you further through a thrilling murder mystery story. It is so much, much fun. It uncovers family secrets. It is Juice City and it is so fun to play.

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When I was playing it this weekend, I found myself completely engrossed in the whole story and the relationships. It's really a fun game.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Listener it's free to download. It's a mobile game where you can find objects hidden in beautiful, colorful, carefully crafted scenes. You can customize, remodel and fix your mansion and garden island. You can play alone or join a club and participate in special competitions. Download June's Journey for free by clicking the link again. Download June's Journey for free by clicking the link. June's Journey is available on iOS and Android mobile devices as well as on PC. This episode of I've had it is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. For this episode of I've had it, we partnered with eHarmony, the dating app, to find someone you can be yourself with. Pups dating is apparently, according to you, really different on eharmony. People on eharmony want to find someone they can be themselves with. Is that what you've discovered?

[Mel Robbins]

I have, and I attribute it to their compatibility quiz because it's not based on looks or what someone's projecting, but actually who that person is.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

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[Kylie]

I would hit it.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. All right. Had it or hit it. Being the bigger person.

[Kylie]

Oh, hit it.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I mean, I get here. Intellectually, I agree it's always good to be the bigger person. And I like to look up at that high road and think about me up there in a big puffer going, it's so cold up here on the high road. But sometimes when we're on our other podcast where it's about politics, we kind of take the low road. But we're going to start. We're going to start implementing the. Let them. Let me.

[Kylie]

Well, here's what I'm going to say about that. I actually think the high road feels superior.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

It does.

[Kylie]

Because if I take the low road, then I just gave power to somebody I despise and I refuse to do it.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I think that's really good. I agree with that. Sometimes, though, I think they went low and I want to go. I want to go lower.

[Kylie]

That's okay. You got to punch me the gut. And also, like, keep in mind, when you're in that show, that's the, like, the point of the show is to talk politics and you gotta get in there. Like, if somebody throws a punch, you're gonna throw a punch back. But in life, I used to take the low road. I used to be tit for tat. I used to be transactional and have to get the last word in. And what I've realized is there's just so much more power and not playing the game, not taking the bait.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

All right, had it or hit it, helicopter moms.

[Kylie]

Oh, had it. You're creating anxiety in your kids. You're causing them to fail. You are making them dependent upon you and making them doubt themselves.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I think that when you start doing for kids what they should do for themselves, you are giving them a subliminal message. I don't think you're capable or able to do this. And I think it's self esteem reducing for a child whose mother always does everything for them. And a lot of the kids that I know whose mothers do everything for them have debilitating anxiety, of course, because.

[Kylie]

You are, through your own actions, allowing your worry and your anxiety to have you step in and write the paper or the college essay exam or call the coach and bitch about something like, I think it's honestly disgusting. I remember when our son was first diagnosed with dyslexia and we Moved him from the public elementary school to this school outside of Boston for language based learning disabilities. And they told us, if your child forgets their lunch, do not drop it off. And I thought it was the cruelest thing in the world. But what they were trying to communicate to us is that the consequence of not having it and then getting this sad sack lunch and being bummed creates the pain. Remember, people only get sober when being drunk is harder than doing the work to change. Same exact principle. The pain of not having the thing that you wanted actually organizes the internal forces that help you remember the next day or help you want to remember. And so it's so important that you allow your kids to struggle. It's important that they pay their own bills. It is important that you have boundaries with them. It is important that they lose the job or they struggle with friendship because that's how they feel the pain in life that's necessary to tap into that potential desire and possibility to change.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I always tell my sons when they're disappointed, I know you're disappointed, but this is adult practicing. Being an adult is very disappointing. It is managing your disappointments every day to where then you're like, oh, on a disappointment scale, this is 0.5. I got this all along.

[Kylie]

I love that.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Yeah. And so it's just managing disappointment. And I'm like, I'm sorry, but just get ready. Because adulthood is full of disappointments.

[Kylie]

Well, and here's another thing. So I used to be the kind of person that lived in fear of disappointing other people. Lived in fear of, like, what if things don't work out, I'm going to be disappointed. Whatever. Isn't disappointment a good thing?

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Yes.

[Kylie]

Like, if you can't make it to that 44th birthday party where everybody's splitting the check at the Mexican, you know, place with eight people and they're disappointed that you can't make it. Isn't that awesome? Because doesn't that mean they wanted you there?

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Yeah.

[Kylie]

Let them be disappointed. Isn't it amazing if your kid is actually disappointed that they didn't make the team, let them.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Yeah. All right, last one, Mel. Had it or hit it. Vision boards.

[Kylie]

Oh, I'm in the middle. Because everybody does them wrong. I think that manifesting and vision boards are absolutely critical mindset and brain programming tools, but everybody does them the wrong way. And here's the mistake. Everybody manifests the thing. So, like, let's just say you what? What do you guys want? You want a beach house? Like, what do you want? What are you manifesting?

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Let's see. What do we want, pets? We want a private plane.

[Mel Robbins]

Private jet.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

We'll take a private plane. Commercial.

[Kylie]

Okay, so here's the thing. So two biggest mistakes that people make is, number one, they manifest when they're stressed out. So you're in traffic, you're driving like, I hate my fucking life. I hate my job. I'm gonna. I'm gonna just envision me on a jet right now. It doesn't work based on the science. This comes from Dr. Jim Doty from Stanford. When you're stressed, the amygdala is in charge. And in order to manifest properly, you actually have to be calm. And so you should be manifesting first thing in the morning when you wake up as part of your morning routine. And the reason why is if you're not actually in a resting calm state and your prefrontal cortex isn't engaged, you can't lock in the programming of the jet. That's number one. Number two, the big mistake that everybody makes is you manifest the thing you envision being on the plane. That's not the right way to do it. And the reason why is because you're just jumping to the end. The proper way to do it is I want you to close your eyes when you're in the calm state, and I want you to envision and rehearse all the grueling, shitty things you have to do to make a jet a reality. The late nights in the podcast. No, I'm dead serious. The negotiations, the saying no to contracts, the things that go your way, the books that you write, like, all these things that happen along the way that are hard. You're just now like an Olympic athlete rehearsing the turns in your mind before you do the course. Because what manifesting is, it is the intentional act of rehearsing and programming in your mind the work that you need to do to achieve the things that you want so that your mind and your nervous system are programmed to recognize anything that is related to it so that it pops into your conscious mind and you start to see connections. And so the more that you manifest while you're calm and you manifest the process, the better. The vision board can have all that stuff up there, but in addition to the plane, I want you to have some imagery of you two working late at night. I want you to have some imagery of stacks of papers of your multiple manuscripts that you're writing before the book so that you're both seeing the result, and you're also seeing the effort.

[Mel Robbins]

The way she explains it, I Kind of. I'm kind of in on manifesting. It's a huge turnaround, but it does make sense.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I can go either way. I feel like I have this brand where I said I've had it with manifesting and I kind of have to be that, but I'm going to put it under consideration. Mel Robbins, this has been a real treat. I feel like. I feel like you could be in our throuple, of course, the blonde.

[Kylie]

If I weren't a jealous bitch witch that couldn't handle being an athropic.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

This has been so much fun. It was lovely to meet you and thank you so much for coming on our podcast.

[Kylie]

Oh my gosh. Thank you for the invitation. I'm cheering for you too. And amazing job.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

All right, thanks, Mel.

[Mel Robbins]

Bye.

[Kylie]

Bye.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

So what do you think? Are you a believer in manifesting?

[Mel Robbins]

The way she set it out, where you just don't put yourself on the tarmac with your jet and you envision the work. That makes a lot more sense to me.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Here's where what I think the problem is is when people think they can make a mood board and then all of a sudden all of these material possessions are going to appear for them. That's where there's a skirting the system. I'm going to be on Pinterest and I'm making a mood board. I think it's the way she is explaining it is a little different. Different.

[Mel Robbins]

Totally different.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

You don't see on Instagram when she has her Birkin bags and her matching Rolls Royces, all of the blow jobs and all the shit she had to do to get there or whatever work.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Interesting. All right, I'm gonna. I think we'll just leave it there. Pumps.

[Mel Robbins]

Tell em we will see you next Tuesday and Thursday.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with that. Listen up patriots, gaytriots and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday. Every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America. Always served with a side of petty grievances.

[Mel Robbins]

We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Please go, rate, subscribe and review so that we will charge upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps. Pumps. What does an eagle say?

[Mel Robbins]

Caca.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

Little bit more enthusiasm.

[Mel Robbins]

Caca.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

That's it.

[Kylie]

That's.

[Angie Pumps Sullivan]

That's caca. That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.

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