Not Thankful for Phil

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Not Thankful for Phil"

Podcast Information

• Title: I've Had It
• Hosts: Jennifer Welch and Angie “Pumps” Sullivan
• Episode: Not Thankful for Phil
• Release Date: November 26, 2024

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Overview In the "Not Thankful for Phil" episode of "I've Had It," hosts Blessica "Pumps" and Angela "Dawn" engage in a candid and comedic discussion about their frustrations surrounding Thanksgiving traditions, particularly the performative aspects of gratitude and forced family interactions. The episode delves into their disdain for the holiday's commercialization, the problematic historical narratives taught to children, and the emergence of Friendsgiving as a supposedly alternative celebration. Additionally, they explore various amusing and baffling posts from the Nextdoor app, highlighting the absurdities of neighborhood interactions.

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The Performative Gratitude of Thanksgiving Blessica and Angela open the discussion by expressing their overwhelming fatigue with Thanksgiving’s obligatory expressions of gratitude. They criticize the superficiality of the tradition, especially when surrounded by challenging family dynamics.

• Blessica Pumps [02:19]: "I just think that question is entirely out of line."
• Angela Dawn [03:06]: "What kind of question is that?"

They argue that the forced sharing of gratitude often feels insincere, especially in families where underlying tensions exist. Blessica emphasizes her frustration with the performative aspects of the holiday:

• Blessica Pumps [04:07]: "It's such performative bullshit. You're sitting there with your family... Let's quit with this bullshit."

---

Historical Inaccuracies and Colonialism The hosts delve into the historical portrayal of Thanksgiving, criticizing the sanitized version taught in schools that overlooks the brutal realities of colonialism and massacres of indigenous peoples.

• Angela Dawn [05:32]: "Yes."
• Blessica Pumps [05:32]: "And then you start studying it and you find out it was this bloody massacre."

They highlight the discrepancy between the wholesome stories presented in childhood and the harsher truths, advocating for a more honest acknowledgment of history.

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Disdain for Thanksgiving’s Overlap with Christmas Blessica expresses her intent to overshadow Thanksgiving by starting Christmas preparations early as a form of rebellion against the holiday’s timing and overshadowing by Christmas festivities.

• Blessica Pumps [03:59]: "I am going to start putting up my Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving just for spite."

She criticizes the back-to-back nature of Thanksgiving and Christmas, suggesting it exhausts the celebratory spirit and adds unnecessary pressure.

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The Rise and Frustrations with Friendsgiving Friendsgiving is presented as a trend aimed at providing an alternative to traditional Thanksgiving gatherings. However, the hosts express their annoyance with this practice, viewing it as another performative event that merely adds to the holiday stress.

• Blessica Pumps [14:14]: "Every year someone wants to host the Friendsgiving. I have to cook. You have to bring something. It's just a second Thanksgiving."

They argue that Friendsgiving piggybacks on the existing holiday, crowding an already busy weekend without offering a meaningful alternative.

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Confrontation with a Neighbor: "Phil" A significant portion of the episode focuses on the hosts' negative experiences with a neighbor named Phil. They recount an encounter where Phil imposed intrusive and threatening questions about their Thanksgiving gratitude, which left a lasting impression.

• Angela Dawn [01:47]: "Okay, this happened to me last night and I fucking had it."
• Blessica Pumps [02:36]: "Shut up. What I'm thankful for is that I haven't run into you in decades and I literally don't remember your name."

Their interactions with Phil symbolize the broader theme of unwanted and forced social interactions, exacerbating their disillusionment with Thanksgiving traditions.

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Navigating Political Tensions in Social Settings The conversation shifts to the challenges of identifying and interacting with individuals holding opposing political views. Through anecdotes from activities like pickleball, the hosts express their discomfort and reluctance to engage with people they perceive as politically incompatible.

• Blessica Pumps [07:08]: "Do you really want me to stand there and tell you no?"
• Angela Dawn [09:31]: "I'm thankful that I never have to see you again. You Trumper."

They discuss the tension between maintaining civility and asserting their boundaries in politically charged environments.

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Amusing and Baffling Neighborhood Interactions on Nextdoor Blessica, Angela, and Kylie navigate through a series of humorous and perplexing posts from the Nextdoor app, showcasing the variety of neighborly interactions. From bizarre requests for gravy to questionable advertisements, the hosts entertain listeners with their reactions and commentary.

• Blessica Pumps [23:29]: "How post. Oh, my God. Pooping sounds on South 42nd Avenue."
• Angela Dawn [39:27]: "It's got to be some kind of fetish that's just not normal."

These segments highlight the absurdity and unpredictability of online neighborhood platforms, providing both humor and social critique.

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Personal Stories and Reflections The hosts share personal anecdotes that illustrate their broader frustrations and coping mechanisms. From Blessica’s role as a supportive parent to Angela’s experiences with unsolicited attention, these stories add depth to their grievances and connect with listeners on a relatable level.

• Blessica Pumps [12:58]: "This year, we are unable to attend because my youngest son, Roman, is playing varsity basketball."
• Angela Dawn [43:56]: "I have two sons now that I don't know... they think I'm the dumbest, most obnoxious, miserable human on the planet."

These reflections underscore the personal impact of societal pressures and unwanted social obligations.

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Conclusion: Embracing Authenticity Over Forced Traditions In wrapping up, Blessica and Angela reaffirm their stance against the performative and obligatory aspects of Thanksgiving. They advocate for authentic connections and genuine expressions of gratitude, rather than adhering to societal expectations that often feel hollow and contrived.

• Blessica Pumps [44:35]: "Happy Thanksgiving, everyone."
• Angela Dawn [44:36]: "Happy Thanksgiving."

Their final remarks emphasize a desire for listeners to find their own meaningful ways to celebrate, free from the constraints of forced traditions.

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Notable Quotes

• Blessica Pumps [04:07]: "It's such performative bullshit. Let's quit with this bullshit."
• Angela Dawn [03:06]: "What kind of question is that?"
• Blessica Pumps [14:14]: "Every year someone wants to host the Friendsgiving. It's just a second Thanksgiving."

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Final Thoughts "Not Thankful for Phil" presents a raw and humorous take on the complexities and frustrations surrounding Thanksgiving traditions. Through their spirited discussions and relatable anecdotes, Blessica and Angela encourage listeners to question societal norms and seek more authentic and fulfilling ways to celebrate gratitude and community.

Transcript

[Blessica Pumps]

With the five dollar meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only.

[Jim Gaffigan]

A hilarious new standup special from comedy legend Jim Gaffigan the Skinny is coming to Hulu November 22nd. This Thanksgiving, see Jim in a whole new light as he gives you the inside scoop on everything from parenting teenagers to weight loss gaslighting family members. For everyone in need of a happy hour, the new hilarious standup special, Jim Gaffigan the Skinny is now streaming on Hulu.

[Blessica Pumps]

So are we supposed to start the podcast?

[Angela Dawn]

Ready? One, two, three.

[Blessica Pumps]

Patriots. Gay Triots. Theatriots.

[Angela Dawn]

Caca. Caca.

[Blessica Pumps]

Happy Thanksgiving. To America and beyond. It's. There's so much to be grateful for. We are a show full of nothing but gratitude.

[Angela Dawn]

Absolutely.

[Blessica Pumps]

For our fellow Americans. I feel so much unity and pride heading into this Thanksgiving. I just. I think I might flow over with how much pride and joy I feel.

[Angela Dawn]

You're just bubbling over with Thanksgiving gratefulness.

[Blessica Pumps]

Totally.

[Angela Dawn]

I was just going to say we could call you blessed on this Thanksgiving.

[Blessica Pumps]

I think we should. One of William in our Patreon said he wants to start calling me Blessica. So welcome. I'm Blessica Pumps. What have you had it with?

[Angela Dawn]

Okay, this happened to me last night and I fucking had it. And I don't know if it was a trap or what, but this person I don't know all that well, but I know enough to say hi, you know, just like you do. And she said, what are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? And I was just like, go fuck yourself. We're not close enough to talk about what I'm thankful for is that just me having a bad attitude. Like, I felt like that was invasive. What are you thankful for? Why do you give a fuck?

[Blessica Pumps]

I just think that question is entirely out of line.

[Angela Dawn]

I do too.

[Blessica Pumps]

I think, what are you thankful for? Like, shut up. Shut up. What I'm thankful for is that I haven't run into you in decades and I literally don't remember your name.

[Angela Dawn]

That's.

[Blessica Pumps]

That's what I have gratitude for. And what I'm looking forward to is this being our last meeting and that would cause me to have immense gratitude. Oh, that's a.

[Angela Dawn]

That. That's exactly how I felt. It's like you were there in my head because I was. I was really taken aback. Like, what I Just thought it was fucking terrible.

[Blessica Pumps]

What kind of question is that?

[Angela Dawn]

What kind of question is that? And here's the deal. Do you really want me to stand there and tell you no? Everybody just wants to get their shit and get out. I just hate that.

[Blessica Pumps]

I'll tell you what I'm thankful for, Brooke. I'm thankful that my kids aren't on crystal meth. And I'm thankful that you're kind of a. And we both know it.

[Angela Dawn]

Right?

[Blessica Pumps]

I'm glad that's out in the open right now.

[Angela Dawn]

Oh, I have one. I'm thankful that when I got it up the ass last night, we used lube. What would she have done if I.

[Blessica Pumps]

Would have said that? I'll tell you what, listener. It'd been a while. It had been a while since Pops started letting that pen up sexual tension out for the listener to hear. And I'm glad you brought it back.

[Angela Dawn]

It's a holiday.

[Blessica Pumps]

And. And you really brought it back. Pardon the pun.

[Angela Dawn]

I thought it was. Pun intended.

[Blessica Pumps]

Yeah. Pun intended. All right, let me tell you what I've had it with, okay? Thanksgiving.

[Angela Dawn]

Agree. I agree. Even though I defend it because it comes before Christmas. It's just kind of a.

[Blessica Pumps]

It's such an overrated holiday. And I. I am going to start putting up my Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving just for spite. I'm going to.

[Angela Dawn]

What about before Halloween?

[Blessica Pumps]

I'm going to start delivering my Christmas tree and getting everything all done before Thanksgiving because I want to slight Thanksgiving as much as I can. There's multiple reasons why I dislike it.

[Angela Dawn]

Okay?

[Blessica Pumps]

Number one, everybody tries to trot out one day a year this gratitude that they have. And it is such performative bullshit. You're sitting there with your family and, you know, a couple of them are complete assholes. They've always been complete assholes. They will forever be complete assholes. And everybody says, let's go around the table and everybody share what they're grateful for. And what I want to say is, put a sock in it. Let's quit with this bullshit. Second thing that irritates me about Thanksgiving is when we were little kids, little American kids that did the Pledge of Allegiance every morning, dutifully we were told that Thanksgiving is a wonderful time where the Pilgrims and the Indians decided to sit down together and break bread and share a meal. We have gratitude for that because we're so nice and we're so good and blah, blah, blah. I mean, like from kindergarten on.

[Angela Dawn]

Yes.

[Blessica Pumps]

And then you start studying it and you find out it was this bloody massacre.

[Angela Dawn]

Right?

[Blessica Pumps]

And this hor. Horrific shit show of colonialism. And it ha. You know, I'm not one of these people. I have to run around, you know, that happened long before I was ever thought of or whatever. But let's not whitewash it and. And come up with this, you know, Patty Cake Fest a month before Christmas. Another thing I don't like about it is why are we doing these back to back things?

[Angela Dawn]

I agree.

[Blessica Pumps]

You do Thanksgiving and you're just about to come up for air, and then you have to turn around and do it again for Christmas. I've had it from top to bottom, left to right, up to my eyeballs with Thanksgiving. But I'll tell you what, out of everything that I listed, I want to circle back to that lady asking you that, because that's really sitting in my craw.

[Angela Dawn]

It sat in my craw. I was just like, number one. That's just. I feel like it's inappropriate. I mean, what are you thankful for? I mean, it feels nosy. It just. Everything about it gagged me.

[Blessica Pumps]

It's like she cares.

[Angela Dawn]

That's. I was like, you don't want to.

[Blessica Pumps]

Let me ask you.

[Angela Dawn]

I don't want to talk to you.

[Blessica Pumps]

Let me ask you this. Does she know you have a podcast?

[Angela Dawn]

I don't know. I would. I would guess probably not if I were guessing. I don't know.

[Blessica Pumps]

Do you think it's possible that maybe she's like a Trumper that's super excited about his victory and just was kind of trolling you? Because I could kind of respect that a little bit.

[Angela Dawn]

Okay, I could, too, but based on. I know her from the courthouse, like years and years ago.

[Blessica Pumps]

From your lawyer days?

[Angela Dawn]

Yes. So I don't know that she would follow me enough. I don't even know if she follows me on Instagram or whatever.

[Blessica Pumps]

Do you think she's a Trumper?

[Angela Dawn]

I would say yes, only because she lives in Oklahoma City. She's from rural Oklahoma.

[Blessica Pumps]

Does she look like a Trumper?

[Angela Dawn]

No. She's pretty cute.

[Blessica Pumps]

Did you see it?

[Angela Dawn]

I didn't see a Stanley Cup. Now, that's not saying she didn't have one in her car, because I had one in my car, but that's here nor there.

[Blessica Pumps]

Okay. Any other signs?

[Angela Dawn]

No.

[Blessica Pumps]

I could point to Trumpism.

[Angela Dawn]

No. I mean, it was. That's what was so weird about it. It was one of those that we were just going to. Oh, my gosh. How are you? Good to see you. It's been forever.

[Blessica Pumps]

Is she an attorney?

[Angela Dawn]

No, she worked at the courthouse in the clerk's office. So it was just a passing fancy thing, you know, we should have never stopped past, hi, how are you?

[Blessica Pumps]

She asked you, what are you.

[Angela Dawn]

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? And I was. It kind of. I think I went. I was like, a lot of stuff, and just turn around. And, I mean, it just threw me off. Now that I look, I should have said, you and the horse you rode in on, go yourself. I'm not thankful for you.

[Blessica Pumps]

Throw my.

[Angela Dawn]

Out of my cart. Stomped off.

[Blessica Pumps]

So the other day, I was playing pickleball with my friends and our friend Amy. There's a court, like, next to us, and there's these guys, four guys playing doubles, pickleball. She looked over at me and she's like, I just. I just have this sick feeling in my gut. I'm just looking over at them, and I just know. I know they all voted for Trump. I can feel it. And it makes me sick. And I go, I feel the same way. She's like, I'm not over it yet. And Liz chimes in, I'm not over it yet either. And we're all just like, we're not over it.

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah.

[Blessica Pumps]

And so, like, there's this thing where, you know, when you go out, I look at people, I'm like, are they one of them or are they.

[Angela Dawn]

Are they.

[Blessica Pumps]

Because I'm not thankful for them.

[Angela Dawn]

I should have said, what are your political leanings? Okay, well, then I'll tell you what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful that I never have to see you again. You Trumper.

[Blessica Pumps]

There you go.

[Angela Dawn]

But I didn't. I just was too taken aback.

[Blessica Pumps]

Welcome to I've had it. I'm Blessa.

[Angela Dawn]

I love that it suits you so.

[Blessica Pumps]

Much, especially on a day of gratitude.

[Angela Dawn]

Right.

[Blessica Pumps]

Where I feel very blessed. And we had such a positive, you know, therapeutic intro that I know leaves our listener feeling warm and fuzzy on the inside.

[Angela Dawn]

Right.

[Blessica Pumps]

Eager to go carve turkeys with their family and share their gratitude list with one another while passing, you know, sides of mashed potatoes and green beans and turkey around the table.

[Angela Dawn]

Yes. What.

[Blessica Pumps]

What's your name?

[Angela Dawn]

I'm trying to think of something to go with Bless a cat.

[Blessica Pumps]

Oh, it's Angela Dawn. The dawning of an angel.

[Angela Dawn]

Have we told him that yet?

[Blessica Pumps]

Yeah, they know. And we said that on the podcast. Yeah.

[Angela Dawn]

This is the dawning of an angel. This is the Angie for short. Meanwhile me. Curtains. Meanwhile drag.

[Blessica Pumps]

And what we represent here for America is a blessed blessing of gratitude.

[Angela Dawn]

Yes. Two scoops.

[Blessica Pumps]

Yeah.

[Angela Dawn]

Of gratitude.

[Blessica Pumps]

That's right, Kathy. Is here. What can we call her? Saint Lesbian.

[Kylie]

Yeah, I like that.

[Blessica Pumps]

St. Leslie. Yeah, yeah. The.

[Kylie]

The patron saint of lesbians.

[Blessica Pumps]

The patron saint of lesbians. I like that.

[Angela Dawn]

I like that.

[Blessica Pumps]

You know, I'm just. I'm just gonna say it. I just don't think people give lesbians enough credit.

[Angela Dawn]

We do on this podcast.

[Blessica Pumps]

We do on this podcast. You know what you should have told that lady when she said, what are you grateful for this Thanksgiving? You should say, I'll tell you what. I'm grateful. I'm grateful for lesbians.

[Angela Dawn]

So I'm going start. If anybody else asks, I'm going to.

[Blessica Pumps]

Start at your family dinner.

[Angela Dawn]

Yes, I absolutely should.

[Blessica Pumps]

My evangelical parents, when they get around the table, you should say, well, that's funny. Y'all should ask mom and dad. I'm really grateful for lesbians.

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah. And I think a lesbian should be President of the United States. And I believe that wholeheartedly.

[Blessica Pumps]

Oh, I completely agree.

[Angela Dawn]

I mean, we've set that for at least a year. Like, things just work better with the lesbian in charge.

[Kylie]

And the pantsuits alone would be worth it.

[Angela Dawn]

The pantsuits alone. Yeah.

[Blessica Pumps]

Yeah. Okay. What. What's going on on the Internet and our reviews and all of the things.

[Kylie]

I've got some reviews for you. We haven't hit 12k yet.

[Blessica Pumps]

That's unfortunate. You know what? I'm not grateful for her listeners.

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah.

[Blessica Pumps]

Not getting us to 12, 000 reviews.

[Kylie]

They're obviously not thankful for you, clearly.

[Blessica Pumps]

I wonder why. All we do is give and give. Positivity, sunshine, rainbows, cupcakes, unicorns. We're like a goddamn podcast of lucky charms, and we can't even get to 12,000 reviews. Fucking assholes.

[Kylie]

Quit. I also have an email from a listener.

[Blessica Pumps]

Okay, let's hear it.

[Kylie]

This is something we haven't talked about. This is something that affects me personally. It's from Jenna, and she writes, I've had it with friends. Giving it has become another fucking holiday in itself. Is Thanksgiving not enough? Do you all have to deal with this at your.

[Blessica Pumps]

No, let me let everybody know something that's super important for every person to know about. For the last 20 years, she and I have gotten the out of America for Thanksgiving. Right.

[Angela Dawn]

For a week.

[Blessica Pumps]

And we would fly to Mexico and eat tacos on the beach with our kids and our dogs and our swimsuits with reckless abandon and never felt any need to do anything Thanksgiving. Ish.

[Angela Dawn]

Right.

[Blessica Pumps]

This year, we are unable to attend because my youngest son, whom I love more than anything on the planet, Roman is playing varsity basketball. And they've decided that they're going to have a scrimmage the day before Thanksgiving and a practice the Sunday after. So I am a basketball hostage.

[Angela Dawn]

Yes, you are.

[Blessica Pumps]

And nobody is able to go and nobody is able to do this. So the bitterness that I feel regarding this is overwhelming. It's exacerbated by that woman who accosted Pumps and asked her a very threatening question.

[Angela Dawn]

Very.

[Blessica Pumps]

I feel the need to protect her. I feel the need to fight back. And so I haven't had to deal with this friendsgiving bullshit because I canceled Thanksgiving 20 years ago before it was cool to do it. We were trailblazers.

[Angela Dawn]

We were trailblazers in Friendsgiving. We led the charge. But it was just our friends. Just us.

[Blessica Pumps]

Well, it was just us eating tacos on the beach.

[Angela Dawn]

Right. But I mean, you could take out.

[Blessica Pumps]

A friends game, which could be any meal, anytime, anywhere that doesn't have to be labeled, doesn't have to be dramatic. But do you have to do this, Kylie?

[Kylie]

Every year someone wants to host the Friendsgiving. I have to cook. You have to bring something. It's just a second Thanksgiving.

[Angela Dawn]

Okay. I have a question.

[Kylie]

Yeah.

[Angela Dawn]

So the only difference in just having dinner at a friend's house or going out to dinner is that everybody has to bring a dish. Is that the difference? Because technically you guys could get together any.

[Blessica Pumps]

I'll tell you the difference.

[Angela Dawn]

Okay.

[Blessica Pumps]

It is a piggyback situation. They're piggybacking on Thanksgiving and already crowding a very crowded weekend with something that could be done in March or April, any day of the week.

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah.

[Blessica Pumps]

These are opportunist piggybackers is what this is. Friendsgiving is. It's an original. It sounds cute, neat and fun. Do you find it friendsgiving?

[Kylie]

No. Do you dread going, yes, my friends listen.

[Blessica Pumps]

Do you notice she's whispering?

[Angela Dawn]

Because they listen.

[Blessica Pumps]

I know.

[Kylie]

It feels like they can't hear.

[Blessica Pumps]

Are they lesbians?

[Kylie]

Yeah. And it's like, I get it. Gays, your chosen family. That's great. Blah, blah, blah.

[Blessica Pumps]

Okay.

[Kylie]

It's a hassle.

[Blessica Pumps]

That's a thing.

[Angela Dawn]

That is a thing.

[Blessica Pumps]

This is a thing that we have to backpedal on because a lot of people have shitty parents.

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah.

[Blessica Pumps]

That aren't supportive of their gay children. And so then they have a friends giving so that they feel love and respect. And even two cold hearted hags like pumps and me support that.

[Angela Dawn]

Absolutely. And that goes into one of the many gay exceptions that we have for our grievances.

[Blessica Pumps]

There's just a lot always A gay exception.

[Angela Dawn]

Always even sitting on the same side of the booth, which I never thought I would say, but yeah, the friendsgiving. I just don't understand why you just don't. Everybody got to dinner. Why do you have to cook?

[Blessica Pumps]

I. I'll tell you what, I don't like forced meals. And Thanksgiving is a forced meal. There's nothing organic about it. Like, I kind of even get to the, the phase. Like if people ask Josh and me if we want to go to dinner initially, I'm like, yeah, sure, that sounds fun. And then as we start clicking close to that, I'm like, why do people have to go eat together? Why can't we just do that on our own? Like, why is that a thing? Well, it has been for like fucking, you know, ever tens of thousands of years. I'm the asshole bucking the system. But I don't know, I've just gotten increasingly intolerant.

[Angela Dawn]

Same. But one thing that really helps me in that department is everyone. All my friends know that if they want to go to dinner with me, it's a fourth between four and five. That's your call time on a Saturday. Like I have a friend that we eat together about, you know, a couple times a month and it's a 4:00 dinner. I mean, she knows that. That's it.

[Blessica Pumps]

I'm not going to dinner tonight with my pickleball friends at 5:15 after our pickleball match. I just wanted you and the listener, and I mean Kylie, to know that that's pushing it.

[Angela Dawn]

I mean, that's.

[Blessica Pumps]

Okay. All right, let's, let's, let's push through. What's next, Kylie?

[Kylie]

Okay, I've got a five star review and it's titled thank you God for this Pod. Five stars. And he writes, I wish I could turn back time so I could give these beautiful young women the adoption papers and be their petty gay son they've probably always wanted.

[Angela Dawn]

Yes, yes.

[Kylie]

We could sit over multiple bottles of wine and just endlessly yap about our pet peeves. I'm consistently satiated by their existence. And my world pauses the second the mothers of America drop an episode. They will forever be famous. I love them. God is a woman and it's Mommy, JW and Mommy Pumps.

[Blessica Pumps]

I just, I couldn't love that.

[Angela Dawn]

That is a wonderful review.

[Blessica Pumps]

And I do think that is proof positive that there is no God. Because if there was, we would have gay sons.

[Angela Dawn]

Yes.

[Blessica Pumps]

Just like write such effusive, sweet, darling messages to us who just thought we were just, you know, the Cats meow.

[Angela Dawn]

Because I have two sons now that I don't know that they. I know for a fact they'd never listen to the podcast.

[Blessica Pumps]

Yeah. My. My children, I will say Dylan Welch, my older, older child. He does. He tells me he hits up I hip news from time to time.

[Angela Dawn]

Well, I mean, that's huge.

[Blessica Pumps]

Yeah. Roman. No, he doesn't watch any of it.

[Angela Dawn]

My boys could give two shits. They think I'm the dumbest, most obnoxious, miserable human on the planet. Any extra time they have to hear my voice is misery for them. So they're not going to seek it out.

[Kylie]

That is up that neither of you ended up with gay kids.

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah.

[Blessica Pumps]

Yeah.

[Kylie]

I haven't thought about that. That would have been perfect.

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah.

[Blessica Pumps]

Right.

[Angela Dawn]

For both parties.

[Blessica Pumps]

Right. And it ends up these poor gay kids are born into these, like, you know, total Bible thumper.

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah.

[Blessica Pumps]

And here you are, drag them to, you know, these camps where they're told it's a cell, you know, it's a sin, and all this crap. I would have just been like, that's perfect.

[Angela Dawn]

That's great.

[Blessica Pumps]

Don't you worry one bit, honey.

[Angela Dawn]

Right.

[Blessica Pumps]

If anybody bullies you, you let me know. Go kick their ass. I'll be the. I'll be the head cheerleader at the Pride Parade.

[Angela Dawn]

Absolutely.

[Blessica Pumps]

Listener. This may come as a total shock to you, but Pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid. In fact, we used to be rather screwed up, Wouldn't you say, Pumps?

[Angela Dawn]

I would say damn near psychotic.

[Blessica Pumps]

Totally. And we have written a cell phone expose. One could even say it's a manifesto. And the book title is Life is.

[Angela Dawn]

A Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches.

[Blessica Pumps]

In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show notes to pre order your copy now. Some people on my list are so incredibly difficult to buy for. And so I always try to find something that corners them when they open it, they're like. I have to say, this is a pretty unique, amazing gift. I'm able to find this aha gift at Uncommon Goods.

[Angela Dawn]

What I like about Uncommon Goods is they're often handmade items, and they're from small independent businesses that support artists.

[Blessica Pumps]

Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high quality, unique, and often handmade. In the United States, they have the most meaningful out of the ordinary gifts everywhere. They even have gifts you can personalize. From holiday host and hostess gifts to the coolest finds for kids to Hits for everyone. From book lovers to die hard sports fans, Uncommon Goods has something for everyone. Listener to get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com had it. That's UncommonGoods.com had it for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods were all out of the ordinary. You know Pumps. We just celebrated the two year anniversary of our podcast and I've been thinking we should get something very memorable, something we can always remember. And I've discovered Blue Nile Jewelry. Have you seen this? They have the most amazing pieces.

[Angela Dawn]

I cruise around on their website all the time. Because you can get a statement piece.

[Blessica Pumps]

Or everyday jewelry listener. Maybe you're thinking of finally springing for that piece you've always wanted. Or maybe you're just thinking of what everyday piece will make the most impact on your outfits in 2025. If you have questions about what to get Blue Niles jewelry experts are on hand 247 via phone for chat. From technical questions to budget questions, they're here to you. Feel confident about every purchase. Seriously, you can't beat the ease and convenience of shopping. Blue Nile or the selection. They've got thousands of independently graded diamonds for you to sift through. Listener go to blue nile.com to shop Blue Nile, the original online jeweler since 1999. That's blue nile.com blue nile. Com. Let's move along. We have some reports from the neighborhood apps.

[Angela Dawn]

It's one of my favorites.

[Blessica Pumps]

Okay, somebody posts. My friend and I were walking through Washington park when I spotted a man with a pair of tight gray biking shorts jogging. I don't know why. My eyes look directly at his crotch, but this man in his tight gray biker shorts had the biggest penis I have ever seen in my life. I was in complete disbelief. I was tickled, but also in shock. He was really big. Lol. When did you post this? Did she what? Did she post this on her Instagram? Angela Dawn.

[Angela Dawn]

Yes. When I was in Washington Park.

[Blessica Pumps]

We were just in Washington Park. We were just there park last weekend. We went to dinner in the West Village. Did Pumps post this while we were in New York?

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah.

[Kylie]

I found this on her next door.

[Blessica Pumps]

Let me see this. This man in his tight gray biker shorts had the biggest penis I've ever seen in. I'll tell you what, I know Angela Dawn. Even I can even identify her through a keyboard.

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah.

[Blessica Pumps]

Okay, here's a poster. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. This is funny. Hang on, I gotta get it out. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone except Phil. Every one of you, except Phil, are wonderful neighbors. I'm happy to be a part of this community. You, Phil, Nobody has gratitude for you.

[Angela Dawn]

Which begs the question, we need more contacts.

[Blessica Pumps]

Like, what did Phil do? All I need. That's all I need. I want less information about.

[Angela Dawn]

Except Phil.

[Blessica Pumps]

Okay. They have another poster on the next door app that says, please get your dogs circumcised. Every dog I've seen lately isn't. And I want them all to go to heaven.

[Angela Dawn]

Wow.

[Blessica Pumps]

All right.

[Angela Dawn]

Wow.

[Blessica Pumps]

How post. Oh, my God. Pooping sounds on South 42nd Avenue. Did anyone hear these noises? Can anyone identify these noises? And he wrote pooping sounds, which obviously meant popping.

[Angela Dawn]

I was thinking, like, somebody was going, like, you know those fart under the arm things.

[Blessica Pumps]

Yeah.

[Angela Dawn]

All right.

[Blessica Pumps]

Another poster here says, why are all of these cars parked at the entrance to our neighborhood? Apparently, it is some kind of walk your kid to school day, and our neighborhood is closest to the school. These folks drove to our neighborhood, parked their cars, and walked three more blocks to the school, pretending they walk the whole way. Great message to send to your kids. Shakes my head, why not just thumb your nose at the whole thing and drive your car right up to the school and walk your kid to school day? When they added a photograph, this is.

[Angela Dawn]

A perfect example of why do you fucking care? I mean, they'd walked their kids to school. Bfd. Who cares? Shut up. All right, that must be Phil.

[Blessica Pumps]

All right, here's another poster. Well, this isn't fun. To whoever had a poop emergency Halloween night behind my recycle bin in the driveway. Shame on you. I know you had a towel with you. You left it for me. You could have put it on the ground to catch some of your three deposits. You could have done many things, but you chose to walk away, leaving the poop towel and some dirty napkins for me. Then John posts, I'd like to report a crime. I'm seeing houses with Christmas lights up, and it's not even Thanksgiving yet. Every comedian's on next door. Here's one. I'm a widow with two grown sons who choose not to have children. So I will never have grandchildren. And I long for them. I'm wondering if there is anyone on next door who has children, but the children have no grandparents. Perhaps they have passed away or live in another country or are estranged. I would love to find a child or children to grandmother. I knit, I sing, I know gobs of stories, and, oh, I would make a wonderful grandma. I have to say, I think that's kind of sweet.

[Angela Dawn]

See I think it's kind of sweet too. But in the back of my head I'm thinking, is that like a pedophile thing? But it sounds just sweet.

[Blessica Pumps]

You're saying this old lady's pedophile? No, I'm just saying where your brain went, you just have to be. Yeah, that's so America right there. That's what happens. And starts appointing all these sex offenders. Now Meemaw's labeling these grandmas on next door.

[Angela Dawn]

It's heightened my senses. You know what she could do? She could adopt a kid from Africa like I did.

[Blessica Pumps]

Listener, you might not know this because I think this is on Patreon pumps revealed in a Patreon session that when she was a young mother, she adopted a feed the child in Africa. And God only knows where that kid is now because I'll tell you who doesn't know pups.

[Angela Dawn]

Me.

[Blessica Pumps]

Yeah. Okay. Next door. Hi, my name is Tony. I'm a 68 year old retired man with limited abilities. I'm looking for a female that would like a furnished room and full use of my home in exchange for cleaning, cooking and grocery shopping and contributing a little for food. If interested, call me Tony. Now here's what I can say about Tony. Here's where I'm going to give you. I think he might. How do we think he's going to stop there and not ask for the slap and tickle?

[Angela Dawn]

Yep, that's what I was going to say. Like this is just a one way street to give Antonia blowjob.

[Blessica Pumps]

Do you want his number?

[Angela Dawn]

No, I do not. Thank you so much for asking.

[Blessica Pumps]

All right, here's another post. After more than 40 years, should a church lower their standards and start offering different levels of membership? Should a church have a top tier membership for members who say they won't drink alcohol and a lower tier membership for the members who still want to be able to drink alcohol? Okay, into this I have to say shut the fuck up. I mean, are you serious? If you want to drink alcohol, drink alcohol. If you do or don't everybody basing everything on what the church will think. Go get a life. Go live your life.

[Angela Dawn]

Go live your life and shut the up.

[Blessica Pumps]

All right. Another next door app and it says holiday greeting etiquette. That's the subject. Holiday greeting etiquette. I just want everyone to know that it is okay to wish us Happy Honda days even though we are a toyothon family. You don't have to use the generic happy winter car sale greeting.

[Angela Dawn]

I don't even know who that isn't a hater. I mean, just enough.

[Blessica Pumps]

Just, you know, here's the deal. I remember when Trump was president, the first go round every December, he would just get out and he'd go, I brought back Merry Christmas. Everybody can say Merry Christmas again. And it's like, look, everybody says Merry Christmas. Everybody. Even my friends that are Jewish go out of their way to say to people, merry Christmas. I am an atheist and I say Merry Christmas and put up two Christmas trees. You had nothing to do with it. New York City, all of these big cities that everybody say, oh, these are liberal woke cities. Guess what happens in December? Christmas tree, Happy birthday, Jesus.

[Angela Dawn]

All over the place, everywhere. Although I do say Happy Holidays at least I really try.

[Blessica Pumps]

You do?

[Angela Dawn]

Because I had a bad experience in law school with it and I've just been very.

[Blessica Pumps]

I remember this from last year.

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah, I'm very conscientious to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas.

[Blessica Pumps]

You know what? You're just woke, Angela Dawn.

[Angela Dawn]

I'm just the dawning of an angel woke a woke angel. Meemaw drag woke angel.

[Blessica Pumps]

That's exactly what you are. Okay, these G word. Darn woke liberals driving up the gas prices. Kroger's gas station on Hurstbourne is 321A gallon. I remember when gasoline was 30 cents. Gasoline is spelled G A S A L E E N. And so then somebody comments. A simple Google search explains what controls the price of gas. And it has nothing to do with, quote, woke liberals. And then the original poster posts back to that person and says, google is liberals. And then the other person types back to the person that misspelled gasoline and says, google is a search engine, not a person. Then somebody else chimes in, Google is not an engine. It is in the computer. I would know if my computer had an engine. It does not take gas. Yes. Read it.

[Angela Dawn]

Stop. Do you think they were being facetious?

[Blessica Pumps]

No, no.

[Angela Dawn]

I would know if my computer had an engine. It does not take gas. You so. I mean.

[Blessica Pumps]

Oh, okay, okay. This time of year, I grab weeds while I'm walking my dog and weave them into little wreaths that I leave around the neighborhood specifically because there is a woman on next door who is furious because she thinks they are signs of witchcraft. I encourage you to do the same. Love profile and courage.

[Angela Dawn]

Love her right there.

[Blessica Pumps]

You know what? I have gratitude for her. Her little witchcraft wreaths. That's trolling. Some old crazy lady.

[Angela Dawn]

She's all over it. I'll tell you this. I walk my dog and I'm not the most coordinated person but do you think you could walk and weave? Like with the. With weeds? I mean, that takes some coordination. I think that's impressed. I'm impressed with her across the board.

[Blessica Pumps]

Don't sell yourself short. When a witch puts her mind to anything with the. With the power and sorcery of witchcraft. That's true. You might be surprised at your superhuman ability to weave a witchy wreath.

[Angela Dawn]

Maybe I could.

[Blessica Pumps]

Yeah. All right. Pumps. Joking around is our whole thing. But there's one thing that I do not joke around about, and that is the comfort in which my feet and my little piggies reside when I'm at work. And that happy place for my feet and my piggies are Bomba's socks.

[Angela Dawn]

Bomba socks are the absolute best. I love the no show socks. I love the long, warm, cozy socks. I cannot think of a better thing to put on my feet. And their slippers are great, too.

[Blessica Pumps]

Listener, if you're looking for the perfect gift, and I know socks might sound mundane, but once you put on Bomba socks, you will never wear any other type of socks. That's why it makes the most perfect holiday gift you could give. And no matter what you get, your purchase creates a very real clothing donation. For someone experiencing housing insecurity during cold months, something like a new pair of socks can make a big impact. And thanks to Bombas loyalists all over the world, they've donated over 140 million essential clothing items. Listener, are you ready to feel good and do good? If so, head over to bombas.com had it and use the code. Had it for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B A S.com had it code had it at checkout Pumps. I cannot tell you what a game changer Shopify has been. For our podcast, for our merch, for all of our billing and bookkeeping needs, Shopify is just like next level.

[Angela Dawn]

It's so great because it really is overwhelming when you start a business, especially when you want to ship stuff direct to people. So you have incoming orders, outgoing orders. Now it's seamless. With Shopify, it's made it so much easier.

[Blessica Pumps]

And you know, all the cool kids use Shopify, like us, skims, etc. Listener, upgrade your business and get the same checkout we use with Shopify. Shopify is the home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not so secret secret with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com had it all lowercase go to shopify.com had it. To upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com had it. All right. Okay. Somebody posts Assaulted at Aldi, 106th and Michigan Road. An Aldi employee was stocking a shelf at the same time I was selecting a product. Assault cap locks occurred when a car was brutally rammed into my hip by a customer. A mother with two children was at fault, and she commented, boys will be boys. Will that be your excuse when this child commits rape or murder? The Aldi employee was stalking the shelf, asked if I needed help. Yes, I'm a senior with osteoporosis. However, the Aldi employee disappeared. I described the assault to the manager. Unfortunately, the Aldi manager's response, completely disrespectful, disregarded the injury I received from the assault.

[Angela Dawn]

Oh, God. See, that's. That's somebody I just never want to ever, ever be around.

[Blessica Pumps]

Here's what I recommend. The lady that's making these.

[Angela Dawn]

Yes, these.

[Blessica Pumps]

Witchcraft wreaths. Wreaths. Needs to find this lady, that Aldi at Aldi, and she needs to make more and give them to this lady.

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah. Throw them in her cart, maybe put them in her purse when she's not with cancer.

[Blessica Pumps]

Witchcraft. I mean, I don't know much about it, but I'm in.

[Angela Dawn]

I don't know much about it either, but let's go. Let's go.

[Blessica Pumps]

Okay. I'm 79 years old and a widower, and I like cunnilingus. And then somebody responds and says, that's a lot of information. Maybe too much for next door. Do you want his number? You want to keep this? I'm good.

[Angela Dawn]

You're sure?

[Blessica Pumps]

Okay. Okay. And then somebody posts. Please keep us in mind this holiday season.

[Angela Dawn]

And this.

[Blessica Pumps]

Is this a flyer? Kylie, It's a flyer. Okay? It's a flyer. Somebody post on next door, and there's a picture of a woman with curly hair and a straw hat. And she writes, I buy leftover gravy. I will buy brown gravy, cream gravy, sawmill gravy, country gravy, white gravy, milk gravy, sausage gravy, egg gravy, giblet gravy, mushroom gravy. What? Contact me on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day, and I will add you to my schedule. I will arrive on time with my own containers. Schedule online at up to. And she has her. Her email address. Up to a dollar 25 an ounce. I'm your gravy lady. I do not buy onion gravy, potato gravy, ginger gravy, lemongrass gravy, lima Bean gravy, jelly gravy, or talcum gravy.

[Angela Dawn]

What the is she doing with all this gravy? I didn't even know there were.

[Blessica Pumps]

I think this is witchcraft.

[Angela Dawn]

It's got to be some kind of fetish that's just not normal. Has. I've never heard of anything like that. Buying leftover gravy.

[Kylie]

Do you think she's a pedophile?

[Blessica Pumps]

Right? Pumps. What do you think? I think she's a witch, sure. Do you think she's a.

[Angela Dawn]

And she has her picture of it?

[Blessica Pumps]

Well, yes. I mean, to me. Okay, let's. Let's go down your dirty thought track. You think she's like, here's your dirty thought track. She puts her picture there. It looks a little suggestive, wouldn't you say? We'll put this up on YouTube.

[Angela Dawn]

Totally unnecessary little suggestive.

[Blessica Pumps]

Right? Like, look at that smile. Right? So maybe she's. Maybe this is coded language for she likes. Pick up your grape. See, I. I knew I'd get you there.

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah.

[Blessica Pumps]

Take much.

[Angela Dawn]

She doesn't do onion gravy, though. She doesn't do onion semen.

[Blessica Pumps]

Okay, next up, it's a post saying, I'm wondering how our last doordash deliver person found it appropriate or acceptable to send us an emoji that looks like this. And it's an emoji with. Is that a hair side. Oh, a salute. It's a hand salute emoji. Now, granted, I could be wrong, but does that look like a penis on that forehead or not? Garrett, our dasher we're referring to, says it is a salute. It sure looks more like a penis than a salute to us. I just wanted to know if I'm the only one on the planet that can tell that is a penis on its forehead. AKA dickhead emoji. We found it very disturbing and requested our tip be removed. Has anyone else experienced such rude and inappropriate conduct from their dashers? Or specifically one named Garrett? My partner also noticed a strong smell of alcohol when he was in close proximity to him. And I will just put this to rest right now. Let me ask our penile expert.

[Angela Dawn]

Let me get my glasses.

[Blessica Pumps]

Angela. Dawn here is the emoji in question. Does that look like a penis or a salute?

[Angela Dawn]

A salute. What an. They took their tip back.

[Blessica Pumps]

I'll tell you what. It.

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah. Took the tip back and just mean. Yeah.

[Kylie]

And if Pomps doesn't think it looks like a dick, then it doesn't.

[Angela Dawn]

Then it doesn't.

[Blessica Pumps]

That's right. That it's genuinely not a dick.

[Angela Dawn]

No.

[Blessica Pumps]

Okay, here's a couple more I've heard about early voting, but what about late voting? For example? Say you don't want to waste your time voting, but then you find out someone you don't like ends up winning. Maybe if you haven't voted yet, you should be able to cast a vote maybe just up to a few days later. What do y'all think? Well, considering our person lost, I'm all in.

[Angela Dawn]

I'm all in. That's like my youngest had never voted before and he texts me and he goes, I really just need to vote today, I don't have time tomorrow. And I'm like, well it just doesn't work that way.

[Blessica Pumps]

Okay, the next one is anyone in Summers Point new road area, seen the 60 something year old white guy just walking in front of cars by Groveland light with his ass hanging out like seriously low carpenter's crack. I saw him at Dollar General with all of it hanging out. I was happy there were no kids around. And then somebody responds, we are doomed. Somebody else responds, oh my God. And somebody else responds, see something, say something, report to police. And then somebody responds, right, isn't that like public indecency? And then somebody else responds, he might have Alzheimer's or dementia.

[Angela Dawn]

Yeah, I just. You know people that just get their panties in a while about stupid. I mean I've seen plenty of plumbers ass cracks in my day. It's not pleasant. But I don't.

[Blessica Pumps]

Somebody beat off for you like a couple years ago in a car at a red light?

[Angela Dawn]

Yes, it would take me a minute. I was like, what? Yes. I was sitting at a light on the way to exercise and I look over and he was making sure that I paid attention to him. Like he caught my attention on purpose and he was overdoing the whack that we need.

[Blessica Pumps]

Let me ask you this out of if you were to list your top three days you've ever lived in your life, is that what number one, two or three?

[Angela Dawn]

It's not even in the top three.

[Blessica Pumps]

Really? Interesting. Interesting considering how much I have a.

[Angela Dawn]

Lot more to be thankful for than that.

[Blessica Pumps]

Did you have any gratitude for that?

[Angela Dawn]

No, I thought it was pretty funny.

[Blessica Pumps]

You know what I'm. I'm gonna. What's interesting about that is I remember you telling me about it, just how excited you were about it.

[Angela Dawn]

Oh, I know, I was like, I mean it was like shocking.

[Blessica Pumps]

Yeah, it was.

[Angela Dawn]

Definitely got my heart right out.

[Blessica Pumps]

Let me ask you this, is that the last time you've seen a penis?

[Angela Dawn]

I mean, I'd have to be. Yeah. Some rando in the car next to me.

[Blessica Pumps]

Some flasher.

[Angela Dawn]

Some flasher. Some creepy ass flasher.

[Blessica Pumps]

Some two bit flasher. That's the last penis you said. I wonder you were so damn excited about it. Huh? All right, well, Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

[Angela Dawn]

Happy Thanksgiving.

[Blessica Pumps]

And listen to our IHOP news as we try to cover the incoming second reich of the Trump administration over on IHIP News and subscribe on YouTube. Join us on Patreon and Pumps.

[Angela Dawn]

Tell them we will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it.

[Blessica Pumps]

I've had it with that. Listen up patriots. Gay treats and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called I Hip News. It's Monday through Friday. Every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America. Always served with a side of petty grievances.

[Angela Dawn]

We are on all the available platforms. Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

[Blessica Pumps]

Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps. Pumps. What does an eagle say?

[Angela Dawn]

Caca.

[Blessica Pumps]

A little bit more enthusiasm.

[Angela Dawn]

Caca.

[Blessica Pumps]

That's it. That's. That's caca. That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.

[Narrator]

Have you met All Modern? All Modern brings you the best of modern furniture and right now through November 30, you'll score up to 70% off during their Black Friday sale. Prep your space for holiday hosting with deals on plush sofas, modern tabletop essentials and more. All on sale at All Modern. Then get them delivered for free in days. You heard that right, Days. That's modern made simple. Shop All Modern's Black Friday sale now through November 30th at AllModern.com a hilarious.

[Jim Gaffigan]

New standup special from comedy legend Jim Gaffigan. The Skinny is coming to Hulu November 22nd. This thanks Thanksgiving. See Jim in a whole new light as he gives you the inside scoop on everything from parenting teenagers to weight loss and gaslighting family members. For everyone in need of a happy hour, the new hilarious stand up special Jim the Skinny is now streaming on Hulu.

[Narrator]

Have you met All Modern? All Modern brings you the best of modern furniture and right now through November 30th you'll score up to 70% off during their Black Friday sale. Prep your space for holiday hosting with deals on plush sofas, modern tabletop essentials and more. All on sale at All Modern. Then get them delivered for free in days. You heard that right. Days. That's modern made simple. Shop All Modern's Black Friday sale, now through November 30th at AllModern.

[Blessica Pumps]

Com. A touch of formaldehyde, a pinch of acetaldehyde, a splash of acrolein makes the perfectly evil vape. Cloud vaping can expose you to a toxic mix of chemicals. Know the real cost of vapes brought to you by the fda.