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- [00:00]
A
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- [00:34]
B
So are we supposed to start the podcast?
- [00:38]
C
Ready, 1, 2, 3.
- [00:41]
B
Patriots, gay trots, they trio, black trio, Brown Trio, and all of the triple trumpers can do what? Pumps. Fuck off. That's so much better. You know, I filmed with Hasan in Austin in New York, and I told them beforehand, I was like, okay, so I'm gonna do this thing. And then y' all have to say up. And they were both like. They sounded like these little wounded birds that mom knocked out of the nest. And it was a very lackluster fuck off for the two leftists that lead the younger generation. So I was a little disappointed in that.
- [01:21]
C
Well, here's the thing. I have very few talents, but I consider the off as one of them. So I just have to think I might be the. I might be what makes off so great and nobody else can replicate.
- [01:36]
B
You're the common. You're the common denominator.
- [01:39]
C
Yeah, I'm. That's the one thing I'm really good at.
- [01:42]
B
All right, pumps. What have you had it with?
- [01:44]
C
Okay, what I've had it with is, and I know I've browbeat this before, but there's a little twist on it this time. I have had it with delivery window times when you have somebody that says, we're going to come from 8am to 1pm okay, that's a huge, broad window. And I've had it with that forever. But in my most recent experience, what I've had it with is they tell you the delivery window after lunch. And I had a plumber coming out, and I called the plumbing company and I said, are you sure it's going to be after lunch? Because I'm going to go to the gym. And she says, absolutely, it's going to be after lunch. You have plenty of time. Okay, sounds good. So I run up to the gym. I have no more. Picked up a weight. Then the plumber calls and says, I'm 15 minutes away from your house. And I'm just like, why do we have fucking delivery windows if we're not going to Come during the delivery window time because I made a special effort. Then my Internet went out at&t came out. They said, we'll be there between 1 and 4, 6:30. I'm still waiting. Here's my thing. Just let me know you're going to be late because I'm trapped. I'm chained to the house when this happens. So I've had it with delivery windows. I've had it with how long they are. I've had it when people don't stay inside the delivery window.
- [03:10]
B
Yeah, it's. I can't stand this either. You end up being a hostage and a prisoner of your own home. And I think it's disrespectful. And I think that doctors participate in this a lot too. You have an appointment at 2pm, you arrive at 2pm, you don't even get called back till 3pm People have jobs, people have kids to pick up from school and you're just a hostage there. And I think there's just so much consumer abuse across the board to favor corporate, you know, profits. And the consumer abuse is just on steroids in Trump's regime. I mean, it's just unbelievable.
- [03:51]
C
Yeah. And you're desperate for the service at the doctor. You can't leave because you need the service. The plumber, my toilet was broken so I needed that service at&T. I didn't have Internet. So they make you desperate, then they come in and fix it and you're just so relieved.
- [04:05]
B
Yeah. Yeah. All right. I've had it with Trump's makeup and I know that this is something we've talked about a lot, but I just feel like at this stage in fascism, they've taken off the white KKK hoods and they've replaced them with MAGA hats. I think just something tangible that I would like to campaign on is I want a makeup free Trumps Trump. Now, let me just state, I am not opposed to men wearing makeup. I actually quite like it. I'm not opposed to men having fingernail polish. I don't care. What I'm opposed to is the hue of the makeup. The application of the makeup and how it's not discussed in right wing media. Like the void of talking about his makeup in right wing media as they are promoting this form of toxic masculinity is both intellectually dishonest and patronizing to people in the populace that have a triple digit iq. And so I just think that at this late stage in capitalism and this late stage of makeshift democracy, I want him to go, I want him to be the age that he's supposed to be. I want to see no makeup. I've heard he's not dyeing his hair anymore, and it kind of looks like he's not, but that's what I want to see. I'm tired of him wearing bad makeup. If we have a president that wears makeup, fine, but I'm tired of the bad makeup.
- [05:44]
C
Well, and here's the deal. Let's see the bald spot. I want to see what's under that rat nest of hair. Because you hear all about his failed hair implants in the 80s or early 90s, whatever it was. Here's the thing with the makeup on Trump. Can you imagine what his clothes are like when he takes. You know, like, sometimes your makeup gets on your clothes, like your shoulder. I mean, it is.
- [06:07]
B
Imagine his pillowcase. Oh, my God. I mean, there's some. There is some American that works at the White House that has to make his bed and change the sheets. And this is what I would call a forgotten American. Like, this is. She has to go. She or he. They have to go in there to his bed. And it's been credibly reported that he eats his dinner in bed, that he's all fluffed up with his orange makeup on, eating a filet of fish and a Quarter Pounder, cramming French fries down his throat, slurping on, like, a Big Gulp, Diet Coke, right? So it's just a. You know, there's salt, Quarter Pounder with cheese sauce, you know, magic Big Mac sauce in the bed. He didn't give a. He just flops around in it. And can you imagine the smell of that McDonald's permeating in that room, plus the smell of him, plus the makeup on the pillowcases? So somebody goes in there that needs the work, right? They have to go in there to this crime scene and change that bed. And I imagine, you know, there's. It has to be changed every day. New sheets every single day. There's no way, number one, he's not pissing in that bed. Number two, credible reports that he poops his pants. And so, I mean, I just. I. Here's the thing. I get crazy people. I understand it. I understand a singular crazy person. I understand a singular narcissistic person. I understand a singular sociopath. I will never understand the millions of people that support this man. I will never understand that this is the guy that we're losing all of our shit for, that this is it. That people that want to lecture us about moral values and family values and Freedom and democracy have anchored and tethered themselves to this disgusting human being. And what's fascinating about it is MAGA women, they think he's hot.
- [08:15]
C
I heard that someone say, you know, like, they may be lie.
- [08:20]
B
No, it's not, of course, absolutely not. We, we, they think he's hot. I remember at the conventions, these MAGA women would be like, oh, President Trump, you're so handsome, you're so attractive. And then that nut, she was a congressman from congresswoman from Minnesota, she went off to pat the past pasture and now she's resurfaced again. Bachman, Michelle Bachman.
- [08:44]
C
Oh yeah.
- [08:45]
B
She was just recently interviewed and she said that she thought Trump was really attractive. And here's the thing. I think they do.
- [08:53]
C
You don't think it's propaganda?
- [08:56]
B
I, I do not think it is that big of a connection to say, I'm going to lose my moral compass. I'm going to sell everything down the river. I don't think it's that big of a jump for the same people that think he's smart to also think he's attractive. I don't think that those two things are separated from one another. If you listen to him speak and you go, oh man, this guy's sharp as attack, I would think it's a foregone conclusion that the same brain could also go, oh, he's hot. I, I don't, I don't see a distinction between the insanity of the cult member.
- [09:32]
C
You're probably right. But even, okay, let's just say a normal 80 year old. How many 80 year olds do women run around say, God, he is hot.
- [09:41]
B
He is so hot.
- [09:43]
C
I mean, it's just, it's so gross.
- [09:46]
B
And they pump him up because he's a cold.
- [09:48]
C
Right? Sure, that's true. Six, three, £215. You bet. All over it.
- [09:57]
B
Yeah. And then, you know, he, then they also Photoshop. There's also like all the men in MAGA that have like this is the weird. They have all the, like their posts on their Instagram page. You always know the person's a nightmare. Like you always know this person's gonna be a nightmare when you see their social media account. And it's like patriot, dad, Christian, you know, warrior, you know, like this person is a disaster. And then they have all of this homoerotic posted of Trump online and there's this component to, of American culture where they're really into all this, you know, like all of this like faux spirituality. And I can't even call it spirituality because it's so transactional. This Christianity and this masculinity and it's, it becomes their entire identity. It's wild to me. Wild. Like, read a book, art museum, go for a walk. Like, there's a whole lot of really cool things in the world, and this guy ain't it.
- [11:05]
C
Well, and what's so funny about it is they, all they talk about is alpha male. We are alpha males. Trump is an alpha male. All these guys are alpha males. And it's just like, this is your alpha male. Okay, that tells me everything I need to know about you. Just like your truck nuts and your oversized tires and your flag. That tells me everything I need to know.
- [11:31]
B
Yeah, it's, it's a really wild time. And on top of everything, I just think that Trump has given so many people this permission structure to take the hood off. And I'm talking about the KKK hood, because Barack Obama being president broke a lot of white America. It really broke them. And not only was he resoundingly elected, I mean, popular vote, electoral vote, he was a good person, a family man. And I'm sure some of our leftist listeners are going to be like, wow, God, he did this or that. All of that's irrelevant as to what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a very competent, very intelligent, Ivy League educated black man that became president despite you, not because of dei, despite any sort of advantage and his wife, who, Ivy League educated, beloved. And some people are so dark in their hearts that it just broke them if they were unable to objectively say, oh, you know, like this is, this is a really cool moment in American history, especially after our 400 years of racism. This is a really cool moment. I disagree with him on certain things, but he seems to be a decent person. It just broke them to the point that they, it primed the psychological soil for them to just fall into the arms of this diaper wearing, high cholesterol, cankles out the wazoo, horrible makeup, eating filet of fish in bed, lazy, lazy, you know, and that's the trope. They always want to talk about black people. These white racist black people are lazy. Trump is so lazy. And here's how you know he's lazy when the White House has to say, he keeps a schedule of a 15 year old. Right? You know, he doesn't even report down to the oval until like 10 or 11 or noon. Famously shuns off meetings and then goes up, back up. He does some press conferences. I think they get him jacked up. And there was adderall world wears off. He snoozes through them. He even, he is bored with his staff heaping praise on him.
- [13:54]
D
Yeah.
- [13:54]
C
I mean, he's bored of the cabinet meetings, which are nothing but a kiss my ass dick fest for all these just miserable humans. Okay, you know what? I hadn't thought about it in a long time, but you're talking about Obama and how he was just everything that Republicans say they want, except that he was black. Remember the biggest, like, scandal other than the brown suit, was when they were talking about him smoking a cigarette. Do you remember that?
- [14:22]
B
Yeah.
- [14:23]
C
People were like, oh yeah, he's smoking a cigarette. This man. Donald Trump is running around knee deep in a pedophile ring and people make excuses for them. But yet President Obama smoking a cigarette was scandalous. It's just, it blows mind. And I'm with you. I just do not understand the people that are just still on the train.
- [14:48]
B
And they are abundant. I mean, it's, I think that I'm seeing some polling that he's upside down on stuff, but then I'm also seeing polling that he still has 90% approval rating within the Republican Party. And so that is just a stunning revelation to me that he is still with this advanced stage dementia, with this incompetent governing, with the clear and obvious corruption that even the Wall Street Journal reports on all the time, the economic corruption happening with the personal enriching of Witkoff, his pro Russian adviser, with Jared Kushner, his son in law. And it's all to just enrich themselves. And these people are still laser focused on supporting him. And I just think it goes back to something about, I think the Republican Party was moving towards this, there's no question. But it accelerated after Obama and he came down that escalator saying something they were dying to say, the N word out loud for those eight years that Obama was president. And he g, he came pretty close and he said, okay, he's not American. And they were like, oh yeah, that's right, because we're heritage Americans. And this whole country has just a, still has a huge racist problem where people would rather vote against their economic interests if that means that black people will not get anything. And it's just, it's a really stunning, stunning thing.
- [16:41]
C
You're exactly right. Because you cannot tell me that 90% of the Republicans that are pulling that saying they're all for Trump, that they believe, you know, that their groceries are down, that they, they have more money in their pocketbook because of Trump, because that is simply mathematically impossible. But they just know he hates who they hate. So it's all. It's high times. That's, it's, it's a stunning revelation. It really is.
- [17:08]
B
All right, welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer.
- [17:11]
C
I'm Angie.
- [17:12]
B
All right, let's check in with Kylie.
- [17:15]
E
Hi.
- [17:16]
B
Hi, Kylie.
- [17:19]
E
I've got a couple reviews for you. We're going to start with this one that's five stars, titled Authoritarian Botox. And Luke writes, jen has a siren's voice that captures millions of listeners. Her power is nearly unmatched. Her repudiation of neoliberalism and maga cultism is so powerful that, dare I say, if she discontinued Botox and allowed her eyebrows to move, she would become an unstoppable force. We cannot allow Jen to do this. No one can ever have that kind of power. Ever. Hashtag, no queens.
- [17:53]
B
Okay? No queens. Luke. I have some stunning development. So I let all my Botox wear out and then I went and got something called micro Botox. And so as you can see, I have movement here.
- [18:09]
C
Did you model your eyebrow? Yeah. There they go. There you go.
- [18:12]
B
Well, and I'm going to let y' all in on a little secret. Pumps and I on. When we stream like this, we put filters on and it's a low key filter. So I am going to take off the filter here on Instagram because it's dishonest. I've taken filter.
- [18:31]
E
I have one. I'll take off with you, Jen.
- [18:34]
B
Take it off.
- [18:34]
C
I'm not taking mine off.
- [18:35]
B
Let's go natural. I'm going natural.
- [18:38]
C
Mine off. I would be authentically loving my Botox and my filter until they put me in the ground.
- [18:46]
B
Let's see your head.
- [18:47]
C
But I'll be your head about it. Botox.
- [18:50]
B
Move your forehead. Move your forehead.
- [18:53]
E
Oh, yep.
- [18:54]
B
Oh, there's none.
- [18:55]
F
None.
- [18:56]
C
I like to look like a terrified heroin addict. Just be frozen. That's what I like.
- [19:03]
E
See, I'm thinking about starting my Botox journey soon. I'm getting really close. I've got some. Some things I think that could just be helped a little.
- [19:13]
B
Yeah, I know I don't have any.
- [19:15]
C
Wrinkles in your forehead, just that little tiny line.
- [19:18]
E
Yeah, we'll see.
- [19:20]
C
I'll keep everyone updated on your Botox journey.
- [19:23]
E
On my Botox journey.
- [19:24]
C
Document it on your Instagram nonstop.
- [19:27]
E
Yeah, I have no wellness journey, but I'll do a Botox journey.
- [19:31]
B
This podcast is supported by FX's Love Story, John F. Kennedy Jr. And Carolyn Bessette. The new limited series from executive producer Ryan Murphy. It explores the complex courtship of the iconic couple considered to be American royalty, whose love story captured the attention of the nation. Their fairytale romance would unfold in front of the public eye, where their private love would also become a national obsession. FX's love story John F. Kennedy Jr. And Carolyn Bessette. Watch now on FX, Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers. A lot of you know me as a podcaster, but for the 20 years prior to this 20 plus years prior to this, I have been an interior designer and one of my favorite companies is Article. Their furniture is dynamite, the service is unparalleled and the quality is fantastic chic. We ordered for the podcast studio a curved boucle sofa. Plus they have meticulous packaging. The weight and feel of the product is that of something super high end without the high end price and the fact that it comes mostly assembled. They have fast, affordable shipping and assembly and a support team when you need it in a 30 day satisfaction guarantee with Article's 30 day satisfaction guarantee, you can shop with confidence knowing that if you're not completely in love with your new furniture, you can easily return it. This peace of mind ensures you can invest in your home without hesitation. Listener Article is offering our listeners $50 off your purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit article.com had it and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. Again, that's article.com had it for $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. All right, you guys know I recently moved to New York and it has been a brutal, I mean brutal winter and I love comfort food like grilled chicken breast, maybe some chili. But I really don't cook and that's why I use Cook Unity. Cook Unity makes eating well effortless and rewarding, delivering chef crafted meals straight to your door so you save time on planning and cooking while enjoying exceptional quality and value in every single bite. I found on cookunity chef Tracy Bloom and she makes a classic pasta Bolognese with parmigiano and delicious. Heated it up within five minutes, ordered it multiple times. Absolutely cannot recommend this enough. You can explore Cook Unity's February menus and discover how chefs are redefining seasonal eating through food that nourishes, fuels and inspires. Meals are delivered fully cooked, just heat up in as little as five minutes. This is totally, totally key for me. It's commitment free and subscriptions start as low as $11ameal. You can skip deliveries, pause or cancel anytime. Listener Taste comfort and craftsmanship in every Bite from the award winning chefs behind cookunity. Go to cookunity.com had it. Or enter code hattit before checkout to get 50% off your first order. Again that is 50% off your first order. By using code hattit are going to cookunity.com had it.
- [23:13]
E
Okay, this one's five stars. Titled Jen and Pumps Are My Moms Now. And Anna E. Writes, I just cut off my MAGA mom after she callously taunted the murder of Renee Good, who is strikingly similar to me in many respects. The estrangement was 18 years in the making and this was the final straw. One of my silver linings is that I also just recently discovered Jen and Pumps podcast and it is both a cathartic outlet for my angst and a safe place to have a giggle and find little moments of happiness amongst the angst. Which is why I'm declaring them to be my new moms. I think this means Kylie is my cousin. Keep fighting the good fight, ladies.
- [23:51]
B
I just, I think that is so sweet and sad at the same time. It makes me so mad that parents shun their kids. It makes. It grosses me out that people cheerlead the homophobia and murder and racism of ISIS activities and most of them do it with impunity because nobody in their group has the balls to stand up for humanity and stand up against murder and stand up against homophobia. So good on you. As sad as this is, good on you for telling your racist, murderous, supporting mother to F off. Because this is different. This whole thing right now is not political to me, you guys, this is moral. These are moral differences. And I feel, and Angie knows this about me, like when I am in MAGA circles, I feel physically like my body is off. Like I know what these people support. I know the homophobia that they support. I know that their thoughts hurt the people that I love and they use their white privilege to do it and provide cover. And I want to always be the person that uses my privilege, both economic and complexion, to stand up for the most marginalized people. And when I am dead and gone, I want my children and grandchildren to know. She stood up to people when it was not popular. She stood up to people when she was ridiculed for it on Fox News, received death threats, threats of sexual violence, but she didn't give a. That is super important to me that I teach my children that they have that type of ironclad conviction. And I have shunned so many people in my life, so much so that I moved Away from Oklahoma City because I can't help handle the hypocrisy. It physically I feel something in my body around hypocrites and I just, I can't do it. I literally cannot do it in this stage of how depraved MAGA is. It makes me sick. It makes me so sad that somebody would cheerlead a murder in front of their children. Like the parenting skills in MAGA is so disgusting to me that somebody's racist in front of their kids, somebody demeans other people in front of their kids. It's just gross. Somebody's homophobic in front of their kids and they're just teaching them to be that way. Just generational fuckery on top of dysfunction and ugh, it grosses me out.
- [26:35]
C
And I can speak to just the grief that you feel when you realize someone that you love, that is a family member is devoid of empathy. That they can easily separate what is happening to other people and they can't apply it to themselves. I mean I have had sleepless nights, I've had, you know, very upset thinking about this person that I love has no fucking empathy. And there's a grieving to it. So I absolutely.
- [27:05]
B
Here's what I want to ask you Pumps because I think this is interesting. This person that you're talking about has never had empathy. What happened is you had an awakening 180 degree turn where you had empathy and you left the pack and they didn't join you.
- [27:24]
C
But in my mind, in my mind that person always, I, I bestowed upon them empathy when I should not have. I bestowed that on myself.
- [27:37]
B
The big lie.
- [27:39]
C
The big lie.
- [27:40]
B
Yeah.
- [27:40]
C
But I mean it's really, really disappointing and I, I understand feeling that way and we're happy to be your mothers.
- [27:50]
B
Yeah, it's really, that's the really. There's all the economic stuff and all of the erosion of civil liberty stuff. The not talked about a lot are like these gay, queer, black, mixed race people that have been treated like by people they thought they could trust.
- [28:14]
E
Yeah.
- [28:15]
B
And I've been privy to this for a really long time because in the 90s when I first went to college, I had a lot of gay friends. I could either hang out with the bible study girls or I could hang out with gay men. Naturally I picked gay men and the torture that they had to go through to tell their parents they were gay because they knew that their parents were going to reject them. It's just this horrific, you know, cinder blocks on their shoulders. And to know that like these people that made me, one could argue they made me gay if you're the gay person. And then they just get rejected by their families. It's just so sad. And as this keeps building up, the remnants and the breadcrumbs as to what Mag is doing now have been there for decades. Republican culture supports Austria ostracizing others. And then they try to say, oh, we're all about cancel culture. It's like, yeah, we want to cancel racists. God damn right we do. They deserve to be canceled. But that just. There's a real sadness to all the relationships and more than anything, the moral rot that people can't wake up and speak up for decency and speak up for the marginalized. And here's the thing. I know I bash on religion all the time and I want to be crystal clear. I bash on the organized religion. People like, I've been going, I've been going viral and somebody sent it to me like Christian talk. And they're like, Jennifer Welch said, white evangelical Christians are cancer. And I want to say, yes, I do. Double down, triple down, quadruple down. White evangelical Christians are a cancer, full stop. I will never not say that if you same white evangelical women that are using my voice and my brand and my face to go viral on TikTok. Number one, you're welcome. Number two, if you actually became Jesusy and you actually became Christlike, I would be the biggest Christian ally on the planet. But you're not. You're not. You're homophobic, racist, brag about triple trumping. And you, I mean, like when you see a child in a little bunny hat and then you. And you don't have this incredible empathy that God that's a five year old, he doesn't need to be detained. Your instinct is, well, as parent shouldn't, blah, blah, blah, blah blah. And then you want to lecture me on Christianity, go yourselves all the way to the imaginary hell that you think I'm going to because I will put my atheism up against, sure, feigned faux Christianity or all day, every day. And I know I'm going to win because it's the moral depravity that breathes inside evangelical Christianity, anchored by racism, anchored by homophobia, and tethered to this fuck face president that rapes people and is a pedophile like, and then you're like, oh, Jen, Jennifer Welch says we're a cancer. Like, no, Jennifer Welch just put a mirror up. And again, you're welcome for the viral video.
- [31:26]
C
Yeah, exactly.
- [31:28]
E
Okay, I've got some voice Memos today and up first we're gonna listen to Emily.
- [31:34]
F
Good morning, Jessica Pumps, Kyles and Seth, the little bitch. This is Emily from Littleton, Colorado. I am calling to report that I have had it with self service kiosks at which they have employees stationed to assist you with said kiosk. What the fuck do you have a person standing there for if I can do it myself? If I wanted some help, I would go somewhere that isn't self serve. If I wanted your help, I would ask for it. But these people come up and try to help you at the self service checkout. The most egregious of which is when I go through the car wash and some motherfucker comes up to the drive up kiosk and is punching in the buttons for me. I can do it myself. I'm not an idiot. I am a grown adult who is old enough to drive. So therefore, therefore I think I know how to read and push buttons and scan a credit card. So why don't you all the way off and leave me to it. Okay, thank you. I think this is something that has not gone talked about nearly enough. So I hope that you ladies will bring it to the attention of the general public. So maybe the egregious offenses will end.
- [33:08]
B
I completely agree. Patriot. Yeah, I mean that's. Patriot. Yeah, that, that is, that is some. That double dipping with, hey, this robot can help you. But also we know our robot's incompetent. So we're going to also send an incompetent human being to help you in the most patronizing way we possibly can.
- [33:29]
C
The double incompetent. The incompetent, incompetent human. Here's the thing. I've had this exact same thing happen to me at the car wash. It's automated. I'm like, why the are you here? Why are you talking to me? This whole thing was going to be just me going through it. I. It's the most bizarre situation on the planet. She's so right. Thank you for bringing it. Straight from Littleton, Colorado. I like, I liked how she said I'm reporting.
- [33:59]
B
See, but that's a patriot right there. Right there. She goes in. This is who I am. I'm reporting on the. That's happening in the United States of America venue today. Littleton, Colorado. Because this, if we had a normal government, these are the things that we could talk about. These are the things, the forgotten issues in the fascist takeover. And these are still very real issues because during this fascist takeover, it's so weird. And I know you guys can relate to this. You get on your phone or you watch the news, and it's like, you know, he's stealing ballots from the 2020 election and these training eyes to murder people. And you're like, oh, my God, we're so fucked. And then it's like, oh, I'm gonna go to the movie or I'm gonna store. And then you live still, this normal remembrance of what your American life is. And I wish that we lived in a place where the government was moderately good. I'm not asking for, like, genuinely good, but moderately good. I'll take it. You know, so. So they're fine. So that we could really hone in on these things. So I think it's a nice respite from all of our IHIP news episodes to focus on this stuff because it still exists. Even within the fascist takeover. These grievances still exist. Are very real.
- [35:17]
C
Yeah. They're just compounded by crazy ass person.
- [35:23]
E
Okay, up next.
- [35:24]
B
Hang on. Your filter back on, Kylie.
- [35:27]
E
This is just my natural.
- [35:29]
B
That's a 30 year old, right?
- [35:31]
C
Well, why would you even need a filter?
- [35:35]
E
I think it makes me look tan. It adds a little color.
- [35:38]
B
Put it back on.
- [35:40]
E
Okay, let's see. I'm gonna crank it too.
- [35:44]
B
Cranked all the way up.
- [35:45]
E
Here's all the way up.
- [35:46]
B
I can't still look the same way. Okay, I'm gonna put mine all the way up. Let me see skin. Enhance skin appearance. See, that just looks so fake.
- [36:01]
E
It just blurs it a little too much.
- [36:03]
B
Yeah, I just think that's fake. City pumps, what level is yours on?
- [36:07]
C
It's halfway in the middle. To be fair. I had it all the way up. Like, I was all the way.
- [36:13]
B
I noticed one day when we were.
- [36:15]
C
Put it off.
- [36:17]
B
I noticed one day and I hit news. You look. It looks a little mar a lago Pumpers. All right, here's one degree.
- [36:28]
E
Yeah, see, I think that's not super noticeable.
- [36:31]
B
I'm gonna go natural.
- [36:33]
E
Yeah, we're on a strike today.
- [36:35]
B
I'm going natural. I'm going to. You know why? Because nothing feels better when you see people for the first time and they go, oh, my God. You look actually pretty good. See, pumps, you're yourself right now because you've got that filter up, like four notches. And then we're gonna go on tour. We're gonna be somewhere and people are gonna go, God, Jennifer, you really look great. Are you okay, pups?
- [37:01]
C
You're so old. You're so wrinkly. You don't glow.
- [37:06]
B
So you've got halfway filter.
- [37:09]
C
Halfway. I'm at the halfway mark. It doesn't have a number on it. I don't think it's.
- [37:14]
B
No, I definitely have. Yeah.
- [37:19]
E
What'd you say?
- [37:20]
B
Are you natural?
- [37:21]
E
This is all natural.
- [37:24]
B
You know, youth. Youth truly is wasted on the young.
- [37:27]
C
Now I've had it with Kylie putting a fucking filter on to begin with. You're 30 years old. Your skin is perfect. You are gorgeous. She's shut up with your filter. 55.
- [37:37]
E
I did it so you would say all those nice things about me.
- [37:41]
C
Well, it wasn't a compliment.
- [37:44]
B
All right, parents, one of the best lessons we can teach our children is money management. That's why I partnered with Cash App in teaching my sons how to be fiscally responsible for all the parents out there. With teenagers, we know you're already trying to keep a million different things under control. Cash App is here to help make sure your teen's money and their spending isn't adding to that craziness. Cash App is designed to meet teens age 13 to 17 where they are with intuitive educational tools available through sponsorship by an eligible parent or guardian. Teens then gain access to a personalized Cash App card that comes in different colors and patterns to fit their style and their ability to instantly access money from family and friends. Cash App makes managing money feel easier, and honestly, it's just a lot cooler than the other options out there. Skip the stress and give your teen a way to learn financial responsibility with no hidden fees. Download Cash App and get started today. For a limited time, new Cash App Customers can earn $10 if they use code Family10 in their profile at signup and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners, prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank Member FDIC direct deposit and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block Inc. Brand. Visit Cash App legal podcast for full disclosures. All right, listener. I exercise a whole lot, so sports bras are an integral part of my wardro. And so many sports bras are great for the workout and the minute you leave the gym, they're uncomfortable and awful. And I cannot begin to tell you I've completely changed my sports bra and now I'm comfortable and happy with Honeylove's sports bra. The Honeylove Crossflex sports bra is why it immediately felt different from every other sports bra I've ever tried. It feels like a sports bra, but it's actually designed for all day wear, I actually leave the gym, totally forget about having it on, and I'm able to go about my entire day running errands. Wireless support using cloud fuse bonding. No poking, digging, or pressure points. It gives real shape and separation instead of that weird uniboob look. Listener, treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Use our exclusive link to save 20 off Honey Love@HoneyLove.com haddock. That's HoneyLove.com had it. After you check out, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Experience the new standard in comfort and support with Honey Love. All right, Kylie, who's next?
- [40:51]
E
Okay, up next, we've got Joseph.
- [40:53]
B
Hi, Jennifer.
- [40:54]
D
Hi, Angie. I love you guys so much. You're my favorite parasocial relationship, and your podcast has really helped me gotten through these really, really dark days. So I just appreciate you guys being a guiding light, honestly, and giving us laughter. But I'm gonna tell you what I had it with. I have had it with the way men do handshakes. They grab your hand and squeeze it as hard as they possibly can, and I just want to look at them and say, ow, you piece of. You really just injured me right now. And now I'm gonna have to apply makeup like our piece of president to cover up the bruise that you're gonna leave me with. And the thing is, when you shake hands with a woman, it's calm, it's gentle, it feels professional, it feels cordial. And it makes me understand why Trump's hands are so bruised, because he's around a bunch of wannabe alpha males that just sit there and squeeze each other's hand as hard as they possibly can. I just wish I had the card to say, you don't ever touch me like that ever again. But he's got a smile and take it. So that's kind of the country we're living in at the moment. Bunch of.
- [42:05]
B
Handshakes are weird.
- [42:07]
C
I agree.
- [42:08]
B
Like, there's a whole. I. I would say I hit the Goldilocks handshake. Not too tight, not too literally. I like to get it right. But he's right. Sometimes I'll shake hands with a man, and it's like this complete tight squeeze. And I imagine that, you know, these men that feel the need to do the compensatory handshake are compensating for other things that we've reviewed multiple times, which is Pump's favorite subject, you know, the small wiener regime. But I think Trump's bruises on his hands. I do not buy the White House narrative. I think it's from IVs. I think he has to go get all dosed up on a bunch of medications because I think they're basically just like, intravenously keeping him alive.
- [43:04]
C
I totally agree with that. Here's my thing. I'm going to disagree with the collar, because here's the thing. I would rather somebody put my hand in a vice grip and shake it, even though I think it's toxic and it's showy and all that, trying to compensate. I agree on all fronts. But what I hate more than anything, and I feel disrespected, is when I shake a man's hand and it's like a limp. It's like a flaccid penis. There's no grip. It's so soft. And I just am like, what the. You can't just. Nor shake somebody's hand with a normal amount of pressure. And. And I don't think it's. I feel like it's disrespectful. I don't think that it probably is, but I just. It gets on my nerves. So I would rather have a super hard vice grip than a flaccid penis any day of the week.
- [43:55]
B
It's interesting, the correlation you make from hand to penis, from soft to rock hard, and this seems to be a recurring theme for people who have listened since the inception of this podcast are asexual Hostess. A lot of, you know, we can start with a very intellectual subject. And I'm not saying the handshake thing is, but doesn't matter. Whatever it is, it starts here, and then it all goes down and it filters down to penis size and soft slash hardness with it. And I'll let the armchair psychologists do with that as they may. My synopsis is that Pumps needs to get laid immediately. Because if we're shaking hands and thinking about.
- [44:50]
C
Flaccid dicks.
- [44:52]
B
Yeah. Exclusive flaccid dicks. Let me ask you this.
- [44:57]
C
You're probably not wrong.
- [44:59]
B
Have. Have you been s. Soft served quite a bit in your life, so that this is some ptsd?
- [45:08]
C
Are you seriously asking me that?
- [45:09]
B
I am. For the listener's benefit.
- [45:11]
C
Okay. Yes, I have. I was married to self serve, and so I just. I'm repelled by self serve. Totally repelled.
- [45:27]
B
And then as a percentage of all of the MAGA men in the White House and in Trump's orbit, what percentage of these men do you think are, in fact soft servers like Percentage wise.
- [45:42]
C
I would say 85% are soft.
- [45:45]
B
85% soft servers.
- [45:47]
C
Biggest group of soft servers I've ever seen. Or gyrators, which, I mean, half a dozen, one, six, the other. They both suck. Yeah.
- [45:57]
B
All right, last one, Kylie.
- [46:00]
E
Okay, the last one is from Nick.
- [46:03]
G
Good morning, my favorite podcasters ever. So listening to your podcast today, I have been inspired to submit and I've had it. And I've had it is related to restaurants. So it. Actually, I thought that Jennifer was going to say this during her I've had it, but it was a little bit different with the text messaging, which is total. So my I've had it is when you go to a restaurant and you say, you know, there's three of us and you clearly don't have a reservation, and the restaurant also is. Is not that busy, and they'll ask, do you have a reservation? And I'm like, no. And I want to ask like, is this a problem? Because I can see eight booths open, so why do I need a motherfucking reservation? It's two in the afternoon. Who the makes a reservation right now?
- [47:03]
B
I. I completely agree with this. There is a. I was a hostess once when I was in high school. I was a junior in high school. I was a hostess. And so I do not want to diminish or demean the profession of being a hostess at a restaurant. I don't. However, I don't know if it is in the instructions or a shared trait of hosts slash hostesses that sometimes when your job comes at you fast, meaning party of three, walks in the front door, you've got nine options that you can seat them at that it becomes incredibly complicated. And this happens a lot. It happens a lot to me where I walk in, party of four, can we get a booth? And then they look down at the seating chart and it's just like, you just see, it's like, oh, my God. Overwhelming. Like, oh, where am I going to put them? Whose section am I going to put them in?
- [47:59]
C
Right?
- [48:00]
B
And then you start walking and you can tell the person is not walking with, like, this is where I'm going to seat them. I've feel 100% confident on it. You can tell it's this tepid tiptoe, am I going to pick the right booth or not? And when I have an assertive host and or hostess, I feel just such profound appreciation for the confidence in which said host and hostess looks down at that chart, grabs the menus, walks with just rock, ironclad conviction, seats us. It says, your Waiter will be right with you. I just think, God, you nailed it. You nailed it. This has been one of the most under talked about and for some reason over complicated job and confidence seems to have eluded the profession. And so I think we as a nation need to lift up these confident hosts and hostesses that are able to withstand conviction and confidence walk and seat their guests at a table that they arbitrarily choose. And they're willing to take whatever smack talk from the waiters or the manager, whatever decision they make. And likewise, you know, I do think we need to do a lot of non verbals on the not so confident hosts and hostesses, like kind of lean in when they're looking at the seating chart and go, have you made a decision yet? What do you have it narrowed down to? To like I see six boosts there and then these kind of bar tables. What are you honing in on? Because I'm thinking this back corner booth looks good. What do you think? Do you think it's going to take two, three, four more minutes? You think we're go ten minutes? I, I think we could put some pressure like involve ourselves in the table selection process as a way to kind of publicly shame slash also have hostess guests interaction. An interactive restaurant experience I think could be kind of exciting.
- [50:05]
C
I think that that is so funny that you said that, because I do. I like a hostess or a host that just is like, boom, we know exactly where you're going. What is so funny about that is one of the things that just I've had it with all the time is when you walk in and you say, hey, I want to, you know, I have a table for three. They're like, do you have a reservation? This restaurant's empty. Like, why are you asking? Why does it matter? And, and then when they say, well, it'll be 45 minutes, I'm like, there are five people in this restaurant and 867 tables. Why on earth would I have to wait 45 minutes? I mean, it's just, it's just a minefield. Being a host or a hostess, it's a minefield. But I agree with you. Just fucking let's go. You've got it, you can do it. Don't take any shit.
- [50:52]
B
And I would even appreciate it. You know, sometimes the hostess is completely empty restaurant, maybe one to two tables and they overcomplicated by the seating chart at the hostess stand. And then they tepidly walk you back and then they pick the worst available table to seat you at and then you're like, can we sit in this booth instead? And they're like, you know, you can see it all. I want a hostess that intentionally and purposefully fucks me in the table selection with confidence that says, right this way. And walks. I mean, darts so fast my heart rate's getting up over 100. And walking to the worst table in the restaurant, throws the menus down and says, your radio will be right here. And while I'm like, hey, can we. She's gone. I want. I want the dick over to be perfectly and diabolically executed in a sociopathic manner. I want her to walk away and think I them over so hard. And I feel zero guilt about it. I picked the worst table in the most efficient way imaginable. I gave them a mini workout on the way back to the worst table in the restaurant, and I feel nothing about it. I'm gonna go bake cookies for my children right now. Absolutely zero remorse. That is the confidence I want in seating at a restaurant. If you're gonna dick me over, do it, own it, and don't feel bad about it at all.
- [52:19]
C
That's the funniest thing I've ever get.
- [52:22]
B
Your.
- [52:25]
C
Run off before you can change table. They do it. It's hard on a host or hostess when you say you want to go to a different table when they've got one, I mean really throws them off. I've done that on more than one occasion.
- [52:38]
B
Yeah. All right. I think that's all we have for today's episode. In MAGA America, we know that there's a lot of, like, serious shit that goes on. We address these things all the time. In our other podcast, I hip news. You know, this podcast was first started for petty grievances. But we both, when we see injustice, it's difficult to just talk about normal things. So we try to blend the two together and build a community. Because this is. This is tough. It's really, really tough being an American right now. And I just also want to give a shout out to all the American Olympic athletes that are exercising their first amendment right that the majority of us, overwhelming majority of us, support you completely and completely agree with. You criticizing your country and your fucked up federal government is about the most American thing you can do.
- [53:39]
C
I just never thought I'd live in a country where the president of the United States would bad rape Olympic athletes, like, denigrate.
- [53:47]
B
I want to remind you, though, they've been bad rapping black athletes for a very long time.
- [53:52]
C
Yes.
- [53:53]
B
This has always been there. And it's really important that, that we, we notice that our neglect of black America led to this, this moment. I just think it's super, super important that we be the allies that say we get it.
- [54:10]
C
You're 100 right on that. 100 right. All right, we will see you next Tuesday and Thursday.
- [54:18]
B
I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with that. Listen up patriots, gay trio and Matriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called I hip News. It's Monday through Friday. Every day, 15 to 20 minute high hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America. Always served with a side of petty grievances.
- [54:43]
C
We are on all the available platforms. Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube.
- [54:49]
B
Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps, pumps. What does an eagle say? Caca. Little bit more enthusiasm. Cacao.
- [55:03]
E
That's it.
- [55:03]
B
That's, that's, that's the patriotism that this country needs right there.
- [55:15]
H
Quick, choose a meal deal with McValue. The five dollar McChicken meal deal, the six dollars McDouble meal deal, or the new seven dollar Daily Double meal deal. Each with its own small fries, drink and Four Piece McNuggets. There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's for a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Not by Alder McDelivery.