United States of Stupid

Summary

Podcast Summary: "United States of Stupid" – I've Had It

Release Date: May 13, 2025

Hosts: Jennifer Welch and Angie “Pumps” Sullivan
Description: Join Jennifer Welch and Angie “Pumps” Sullivan along with their special guests on the comedic and feel-good podcast “I’ve Had It,” where they explore and satirize the myriad frustrations of modern life.

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Introduction and Political Commentary

[02:09] Angie:
The episode kicks off with a sharp political satire, as Angie introduces the podcast with a mix of humor and frustration towards current political climates. She sarcastically greets various groups, including "Patriots, gaytriots, black triots," setting a tone of irreverent critique.

[03:25] Pumps:
Continuing the political discourse, Pumps expresses deep frustration with the Trump administration, stating, “every single day I don’t think the Trump administration could get any more vile.” The hosts delve into their disdain for perceived authoritarian shifts and the undermining of democratic institutions.

Public Behavioral Pet Peeves

[03:44] Angie & Pumps:
A significant portion of the episode focuses on public annoyances, particularly the frustration with parents bringing babies to movie theaters.

• [03:45] Pumps:
  “We have to say, they just don’t get it. Do not take your baby to a movie. That is stupid.”

• [04:15] Katerina:
  Acknowledges the universal frustration, “Other people don't want to hear your baby in the middle of their movie.”

• [05:36] Pumps:
  Critiques the entitlement behind bringing young children to adult-rated movies, emphasizing, “this is an adult movie. Rated R. No business.”

The discussion highlights the tension between parental responsibilities and public etiquette, advocating for consideration and alternative arrangements to avoid disrupting the experience of others.

Tech Frustrations: Emojis and Digital Overload

[06:06] Angie:
Shifts focus to technology, Angie vents about her iPhone’s unsolicited reorganization of frequently used emojis:

• “Number one is it has completely decided on my emojis... They are completely reorganized. They’re not the ones that I frequently use.” [06:37]

She further laments the invasive synchronization of Facebook birthdays with her iCal, leading to unwanted reminders of acquaintances she no longer wishes to acknowledge.

• “I think that this is a breathtaking invasion of my devices and my apps, from the emojis to the birthdays.” [08:53] Angie

[10:18] Pumps:
Echoes the sentiment, expressing discomfort with the lack of control over personal digital spaces:

• “I don't know if that was like an update. How did that happen? It makes me nervous that they're in my phone.” [10:03]

The conversation underscores a growing concern over digital privacy and the erosion of personal customization in everyday technology.

Social Circle Dynamics and Emotional Intelligence

[10:52] Angie:
The hosts transition to discussing the dynamics of social relationships, particularly among intelligent individuals. They reference research indicating that higher IQ individuals prefer fewer, deeper connections over larger social circles.

• “I think that Pumps and I have a late in life IQ growth spurt.” [10:52] Angie

They explore how personal growth leads to valuing meaningful interactions over superficial ones, emphasizing the importance of substance in relationships.

[19:59] Pumps:
Adds that as people age, they naturally distance themselves from relationships that are no longer fulfilling:

• “The older you get, you're like, fuck you. You're not adding, you're taking away. I'm out.” [20:29]

This segment highlights the evolution of social needs and the prioritization of quality over quantity in friendships.

Listener Stories and Community Engagement

The podcast integrates listener submissions, sharing personal anecdotes that resonate with the hosts' themes of frustration and exasperation.

Phoenix's Story: Prison Weddings

[29:26] James (Phoenix):
James from Bristol shares his bewilderment over the phenomenon of individuals marrying inmates, expressing his disdain for what he perceives as "MAGA mentality."

• “Whose hobbies are going to prison to meet husbands? I don’t understand that.” [29:28]

Angie:
Provides a backstory about Josh’s experiences photographing Joe Exotic before his rise to fame, illustrating the chaotic allure of the "Tiger King" persona and its impact on public fascination.

[31:00] Pumps:
Reflects on his own obsession with prison inmate dating websites, agreeing with James's confusion and frustration:

• “I do not get it. I do. I'm with him 100,000%.” [32:59] Pumps

Amy's Feedback: Advertisement Annoyances

[33:28] Amy:
Amy commends the hosts for addressing her concerns regarding intrusive advertisements, specifically targeting ads featuring children promoting products.

• “I have had it with advertisers putting their stupid little children on commercials.” [34:34]

Angie & Pumps:
Align with Amy's frustration, criticizing the overuse of children in advertising and the performative aspects of parental marketing.

Social Etiquette and Personal Space

[44:17] Caitlin (Peyton):
Peyton discusses her irritation with “personal space invaders,” individuals who disregard social norms in public settings, such as loud phone conversations in quiet environments like nail salons.

• “These are the people who you're like, in a nail salon where everyone just quietly understands that it's going to be a relaxing silent experience.” [44:20]

[46:28] Pumps & Angie:
Share personal anecdotes reinforcing the importance of respecting personal space and minimizing unnecessary social interactions to preserve mental well-being.

• “Nothing worse than somebody being on a phone in public and talking loud like everybody gives a shit.” [45:43] Pumps

The discussion advocates for mindful and minimalistic social interactions in public spaces to enhance collective peace and individual comfort.

Conclusion and Announcements

As the episode wraps up, the hosts share upcoming projects and promotions, including their new book "Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches," a live show in New York, and their new podcast "IHIP News." They also engage with listeners by encouraging ratings, subscriptions, and participation in their community events.

• [55:20] Pumps:
  “Tell them we will see you next Tuesday and Thursday.”

The hosts maintain their signature blend of humor and candidness, ensuring listeners remain engaged and connected.

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Notable Quotes:

• Pumps [03:44]:
  “every single day I don't think the Trump administration could get any more vile.”

• Pumps [04:15]:
  “I have to stand up and go, take the fucking baby home.”

• Angie [06:37]:
  “I just think that this is a breathtaking invasion of my devices and my apps, from the emojis to the birthdays.”

• Angie [10:52]:
  “I think that Pumps and I have a late in life IQ growth spurt.”

• Pumps [20:29]:
  “The older you get, you're like, fuck you. You're not adding, you're taking away. I'm out.”

• James [29:28]:
  “Whose hobbies are going to prison to meet husbands? I don’t understand that.”

• Peyton [44:20]:
  “These are the people who you're like, in a nail salon where everyone just quietly understands that it's going to be a relaxing silent experience.”

---

Overall Impression:
In "United States of Stupid," Jennifer Welch and Angie “Pumps” Sullivan deliver a spirited and unapologetic exploration of modern frustrations, blending sharp political commentary with personal anecdotes and listener interactions. The hosts effectively balance humor with critical insights, making the episode both entertaining and thought-provoking for listeners navigating the complexities of contemporary American life.

Transcript

[Jennifer]

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[Angie]

Well, you can't see it, but trust.

[Jennifer]

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[Kylie]

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[Angie]

Of I've had it is brought to you by booking.com booking yeah, every time I use booking.com to find a place to stay in the US I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. They have a huge variety of options from hotels to vacation rentals, and I'm always able to find something that fits my specific needs. I found that booking.com has something for everyone. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com booking. Yeah. So we supposed to start the podcast.

[Pumps]

Ready? One, two, three.

[Angie]

Patriots, gaytriots, black triots. I mean, there you have it. Welcome to America's Top DEI Podcast Broadcasting Knee deep into Trump is America. And. And we're not gonna stop.

[Pumps]

Nope.

[Angie]

Because we still have the first amendment. For now.

[Pumps]

For now.

[Angie]

For now we have it. But a bunch of MAGA people that like to dry hump the American flag want a dictator.

[Pumps]

Yeah, they do. They like it.

[Angie]

They like an orange face dictator who's.

[Pumps]

Just so not smart. Just everything about him is wrong. And they like It.

[Angie]

That's the. You know, him, a crazy person that wears orange makeup, that runs around talking about Hannibal Lecter in isolation. I understand that. I totally get a singular crazy person. I even get that singular crazy person have three or four crazy friends. I even get that the 70, whatever million that voted for him. That's the part where I am just like, Jesus fucking Christ. And you want to get rid of the Department of Education, this is the time to triple and quadruple that amount of spend. Because we clearly have a stupid problem in the United States of America, right?

[Pumps]

Oh, absolutely. And you know, our State, we've got 10 Commandments, we've got the Trump Bible. I mean, it just. It is unbelievable to me that every single day. I don't think the Trump administration could get any more vile. And it continues to do it every day. I'm surprised.

[Angie]

All right, pumps. What have you had it with?

[Pumps]

Okay, what I've had it with. I was at a movie this weekend. Halfway through the movie, a fucking baby started crying. And I'm like, I've had it with people bringing their babies into the movie theater. I've had them with kids under 5 in public at large. But specifically, this is a PSA. Do not take your baby to a movie. That is stupid. If you don't have a babysitter, then wait for it to come out on video.

[Katerina]

I.

[Pumps]

Other people don't want to hear your baby in the middle of their movie. I was shocked.

[Angie]

Let me ask you this. After the baby started crying, did she leave with the baby? No, wait. They pushed through the cry, and they pushed through.

[Pumps]

You could hear this. They were trying to soothe it. And I will say it soothes pretty quickly, but I wanted to stand up and go, take the fucking baby home. Like, they rag on you about your cell phones at a movie. They should now tell people, you can't have a baby in the movie theater. Turn off your cell phone. Leave your baby at home.

[Angie]

Yeah, I can see, like, if it's a newborn baby and you're thinking, like, okay, this baby's sleeping, you know, six hours at a time in the middle of the day. So let's go see a movie. But if I did that the very first E, I would be trucking towards the door immediately because I would just be so concerned about upsetting a viewer like you. Like, I think about not being the disruptor.

[Pumps]

Right.

[Angie]

In a situation like that, you form an agreement that everybody's going to go to the movie and everybody's going to shut the fuck up and watch the movie. Like I'm even cognizant if I'm opening up some candy and the papers. I wait for the rapper rattles really loud. I wait for like a loud sound in the movie to be the noisiest.

[Pumps]

Right.

[Angie]

So that it's buffered.

[Pumps]

Is it a lack of self awareness? Is it entitlement? I don't know what makes you think, oh, it's fine if my baby cries to the second half of the movie. And it wasn't like a newborn baby. You know how you can a newborn baby cry? This was like, I would say six months to a year baby.

[Angie]

Was the movie rated R?

[Pumps]

Yes. That's what I mean. If it was like a Cars movie, you know, like a child's movie. I get a kid crying in a movie like that. This is an adult movie. Rated R. No business.

[Angie]

Yeah, I just think kids in general, you know, there's just certain places they shouldn't be. Now, listen, I have empathy for the childcare situation and how difficult it is to raise kids. I can see that you would want to go sit down and it's during the baby's nap and it's a Sunday and you just need like an hour or two away from the non stop onslaught of parenting. But the second the baby cried, you have to go to the lobby and miss part of the movie.

[Pumps]

You have to.

[Angie]

You just have to. It's just not open for negotiation. I completely agree. Okay, I'll tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with my iPhone, doing things without my consent. And I have a few issues. Number one is it has completely decided on my emojis. The frequently used emojis, they're completely reorganized. They're not the ones that I frequently use. I don't know when this happened, but I go in there because I send emojis, often at the end of a sentence. I might add a heart, I might add an emotional face to relay to the receiver of the text message my angst or my joy or whatever the emotion is. And I go in and all of my go tos are gone. And it's all this new set of emojis that are not emojis that I chose nor did I consent to for them to be on my frequently used page. That's number one. Number two, I don't know if anybody else listening to this podcast are one. Listener. Listener. Tell me if this has happened to you. So in like 2008, 2009, we all get on Facebook, right? So you're on Facebook and you see all these idiots you went to high school with, you see how stupid they are. And it's just, you know, it's just a free for. All right, well, it's people's birthday and you're getting like, post on somebody's wall, blah, blah. Well, at some point from the time I got on Facebook to probably, I don't know, six or seven years ago, I noticed on my ical it would be like Joe Blow's birthday. And I'm like, who's Joe Blow? So I have this guy and he deals with Mac computers and he's called the mobile maxter. So he comes by my office a few years ago. I'm like, I have all these random people's birthdays on my iCal and I can't get them. Delet. He says, oh yeah. Several years ago, Facebook collaborated with Apple and transferred all of the Facebook birthdays to your iCal. The only way to get rid of them is to manually delete each birthday.

[Pumps]

Oh my God.

[Angie]

So I've also, I've turned off like, do not display birthdays in the ical. Right? But then if you get a new device, then that setting is not activated. And I'm not the most techie to go into settings and figure that out, right? And so we got these new laptops, you and me. And so I'm looking at my calendar and it's like, today's Joe Schmo's birthday. Well, Joe Schmo, some schmuck I went to high school with who is, you know, I mean, knee deep into right wing conspiracy theories, thinks he's got a PhD in virology and just a total moron. And it's like, listen up, Apple, Facebook. I saw enough back in 2008 when I took a gander on this kid's profile and I saw what an abject shit show it was. And his life going rapidly downhill at a rate the likes of which this country has never seen before, to quote the sitting president and then to have it still follow you around on your devices for the birthday. I just think that this is a breathtaking invasion of my devices and my apps, from the emojis to the birthdays. I completely agree.

[Pumps]

I had no idea. See, I've never been on Facebook, so that's terrifying right there. And I too noticed the rearrangement of my emojis and ones I didn't use. I don't know if that was like an update. How did that happen? It makes me nervous that they're in my phone.

[Angie]

Well, they are in our phones. That's why that one guy hid out in Russia all that time. Snowden. But anyway, the emoji thing, that was a real. That was. I'm just like. This is. You did this without our consent, right? Tim Cook. Like, we. We pick our emojis. You don't pick our emojis. You don't get to decide what are the best emojis for our life. We get to have that. You have all of our information. Elon Musk has everybody's information. We've all just kind of. I guess we're all okay with that now. Let me at least preserve my favorite emojis.

[Pumps]

Let that be the only thing that's left.

[Angie]

My favorite emojis. Maybe that gives me a new. A new toy game, like my favorite pony. Okay. Welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer.

[Pumps]

I'm Angie the hbic.

[Angie]

Earlier today, we found out the difference between a beaver and a badger. Yeah. A beaver is aquatic and a badger is not. Right. Okay. All right. I would like to share some news with everybody. First one is about 0.7% of the world's population is drunk at any given time. That's roughly 55 million people are drunk right now. I'm surprised it's that low.

[Pumps]

I kind of feel like that's a low number, too. I mean, you've got to think.

[Angie]

I mean, when I think of five.

[Pumps]

O' clock somewhere thing, I just think.

[Angie]

About all the hammered people that you're forced to be around at parties that just repeat themselves over and over that you don't want to be near. And I just. I always think 55 million has just got to be way too low. Or maybe these people are just so annoying that even though it's only 0.7% of the population, it feels like it's 98% of the population.

[Pumps]

Right. Especially if you're in the same room with a drunk repeater, which is my least favorite thing on the planet.

[Angie]

Oh, it's the worst if you're not. The only way to tolerate a drunk person is to be drunk.

[Katerina]

Absolutely.

[Angie]

Only way. Okay, next up, dogs offer more emotional support than most people, new study finds. I have to tell you from personal experience, this is 1 million percent true. My dogs provide me with a lot more emotional support than human beings do. They love me unconditionally. They always want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. They always want to be with me. They always look at me lovingly. And the. The people in my life, from my husband to my children, it's rather inconsistent emotionally. Rather disappointing.

[Pumps]

They might love you the next time they see you. They might be mad at you.

[Angie]

Yeah, real inconsistent.

[Pumps]

Yeah. I'll tell you what. I had my dog about eight months at the time of the election. And when Donald Trump won, I mean, I was in a deep funk for about 12, eight to 10 weeks. And my dog was just the best thing during that period of time. The only. I mean, it gave me true solace to be just with my dog.

[Angie]

Yeah. Especially knowing how anti maga he was, too, at such a young age.

[Pumps]

Such a young age.

[Angie]

That would have been major support to say, God, I mean, he cracked the case so early. And he's just a young little pup.

[Pumps]

He's a young little pup and he could recognize it.

[Angie]

Okay, next up, the next story is bonobos in the Congo form girl groups to fend off male aggression. It's very clear that you don't want to overstep as a male bonobo. Three decades of observations in the Congo, the only place the endangered bonobos are found in the wild, lends support to the idea of a sisterhood where female bonobos band together to assert their power. And so I loved this story so much when I found it. And then it made me think about all of the white women who don't want to band together with us right now. That's right. Because, you know, you see all these women in Trump's administration, and they are in those positions because of brave women with courage and intelligence that buck the system and said, no, women deserve to be at this place. Women deserve a seat at the table. And these women ride in on these coattails and then just sit down and bend over to patriarchy and they want to tear it all down. And the same with that demon queen, Scott Besant, the Secretary of the Treasury. He enjoys civil rights and marriage and children, a gay marriage and children of two gay dads, which I support all of that. He enjoys those rights because of liberals that knew that you couldn't sacrifice human rights and civil rights just because you wanted to make a buck in the economy. And that's a fundamental problem with Americans. They value profit at all costs. All across the board, that comes first. Human beings come last. And I just think it's really gross. So I want to be more like a bonobo. I do, too.

[Pumps]

And I thought the exact same thing. I was like, well, it's obviously not a lot of internalized misogyny in that group, because white women are the.

[Angie]

Speaking of drinking internalized massage.

[Pumps]

Oh, did I say it Slurry. Did she internalized massage?

[Angie]

Did you hear massage? Did it sound a little drunk?

[Katerina]

Yeah, that's. That's an often thing for you pump sometimes.

[Pumps]

No, I know I was socially, I kind of.

[Angie]

But let's go back to the bonobos, you drunk ass. I love that. Like, I feel like that's where we are right now. And, you know, it's not just these blanket statements like women supporting women. I don't think those are helpful. No, I don't think that's a helpful statement because I don't want to help Marjorie Taylor Greene. No, I don't help Nancy Mace. You know, like, fuck them, but fuck them. That they completely betray all of the hard work and just completely disregard history and the history of women's rights and then they get to these positions and then they just want to dismantle it. It just. It really pisses me off. And so I just think we need to. Okay, we're Asshole Island. The beaver is our mascot, and now we are a tribe of bonobos. And listen up. If you're. If you're a gay trio or if you're a heterosexual male, you too can be a bono. That's what women do. We are inclusive except for the hateful maga triple trumper white women.

[Pumps]

Fuck you. Fuck you.

[Angie]

This episode of I've had it is brought to you by booking.com booking. Yeah. Every time I use booking.com I find a place to stay in the U.S. i know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. They have a huge variety of options from hotels to vacation rentals. And I'm always able to find something that fits my specific needs. I found that booking.com has something for everyone. Recently, I took my oldest son and his girlfriend to New York City. They wanted to stay in Soho. Through booking.com I was able to find the perfect hotel for us.

[Pumps]

What I like about booking.com is I can find a great vacation rental where my kids and I both have our own space and we have a common area to enjoy so we don't get sick of each other.

[Angie]

Listener. No matter who you are, Booking.com helps you find the stay that's ridiculously right for you. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com booking. Yeah, I'm just going to tell you. Pumps. Now that the sun's back out, we're spring approaching summer. I'm wearing my sunnies all the time, but it just really irritates me because I'll have them on. I walk inside, put them up on My head, put them back down and then it's getting all wrapped up in my hair. No Moss. Sis. I have discovered Shady Rays doesn't happen with Shady Ray sunglasses.

[Pumps]

What I love about Shady Rays is their protection program because you know me, I drop them, break them, they're disaster just completely gone. And they will replace them.

[Angie]

And listen to this listener. They have iconic styles from the Aviator, which is my favorite, to the Cat Eye, which is Pump's favorite. I mean, these are perfectly designed frames. And I cannot tell you guys how cute our darling pumps looks and her cat eye shades. Exclusively for our listeners. Shady Rays is giving out an amazing deal for the season. Head to shadyrays.com with the code hat it for 35% off their premium polarized sunglasses. Snag your shades and get ready for the summer sun. Okay. Lastly, highly intelligent people are less satisfied by having friends. And there's a fascinating reason why. Research indicates that people with higher IQs tend to prefer prefer fewer deeper connections over a wide social circle. This preference stems from their inclination toward long term goals and meaningful pursuits, which can make frequent social interactions feel distracting and unproductive. And I have to say, listener, I think that Pumps and I have a late in life IQ growth spurt. Yeah. Because both of us used to be way more social, way more than we are now. And I, I have been like, I want smallest group imaginable where I can have meaningful conversations. Like, it's important to me living in this historical moment that I can bounce from giggling with a friend to talking about something deep politically. And if a relationship doesn't have that level of substance, I've found it is a relationship that I avoid.

[Pumps]

Right. Well, and I also think you, as we age, I know the young people that listen to can only imagine and hope for this. But as you age, the, the people in your life that do not bring anything to the table, that take instead of give, you start systematically cutting them out as you get older. Because the older you get, you're like, fuck you. You're not adding, you're taking away. I'm out. So I think with that, with age, it grows your intelligence and you find your totally deeper relationship.

[Angie]

And I'll just say this to younger listeners. When I was younger, far more toxic, emotionally immature. Yes. Didn't have a high emotional intelligence. And when I'm saying younger, I'm not talking teenagers. I'm talking like early 30s.

[Pumps]

Yeah.

[Angie]

I had this compulsion, this itch that I needed to either be on a phone or with a friend at all times. And I Didn't really feel it at the time, but in retrospect, looking back on it, thinking about how you and I were on the phone together, on the porch together, and it was. There was something broken inside of me. And that manifested in choosing unhealthy relationships, specifically, like with my husband and some unhealthy friendships, too. And when you can kind of pull away and truly be alone.

[Pumps]

Right.

[Angie]

And dig deep and grow as yourself, you get kind of liberated from all of those. That social itching that you have in your 20s and your 30s. And one of the biggest things, I think, emotional growth is when you don't really have that much FOMO anymore.

[Pumps]

No. Oh, my gosh.

[Angie]

And I just don't have it. And if I do have it, like, if you called me pumps and you were like, oh, I'm at lunch with Liz, I would go, oh, my God, I have so much FOMO right now. I would just say it. It wouldn't passive aggressive. It would just. We form friendships to where if you are a little jealous, you know, it's a tongue in cheek thing. Oh, my God, I'm so jealous you're with Liz. I wish I was with you girls right now. You just say it. You don't internalize and think, well, why didn't they invite me?

[Pumps]

That whole, why am I not included? And do they like me, her more than me? And all that. That getting away from that is a gift. It is an absolute gift in our.

[Angie]

New bonobo club, the Bonobo Cult, where we also raise beavers on Asshole Island.

[Pumps]

And Asshole island, that's where we live.

[Angie]

That's where we live.

[Pumps]

Yes.

[Angie]

I think that that's the thing. Not. You can't be included to everything. And when two people do something together, it's about the two of them. It has nothing to do with.

[Pumps]

And there are women my age.

[Angie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pumps]

That still think it's about them.

[Angie]

It's crazy.

[Pumps]

And I'm like, where's the growth in 50 years? Where is it?

[Angie]

Yeah.

[Pumps]

Don't. Don't see it.

[Angie]

Okay. I did this out of order. Kylie. I just realized that just now what I was supposed to do. Listener, is I was supposed to say, welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer. She says, I'm the hbic. Y' all chuckle in your ear a little bit. And then I'm like, kylie's here. Kylie, what does the Internet say about us? But I forgot all about that, and I went straight into my news stories. I was remiss in pausing for our illustrious lesbian knocked out Dynamite Producer one Katerina. Kylie.

[Katerina]

Kiki.

[Angie]

Kiki, do you love me?

[Katerina]

The magic lesbian.

[Angie]

Kiki the magic lesbian.

[Pumps]

I like that.

[Angie]

Kiki the magic lesbian. I'm sorry. How are you today?

[Katerina]

I'm good. I'm glad you didn't forget about me.

[Angie]

How's the lesbian world?

[Katerina]

It's good. You know, we're hanging in there, being gay, doing gay stuff.

[Angie]

Are y' all doing gay stuff?

[Katerina]

We're doing gay stuff.

[Angie]

Oh. What? What? We have to share with the. With the asshole island with the bonobos and the beavers. Kylie bought a new car.

[Pumps]

Yes.

[Angie]

I was so happy for her. I saw it on her Instagram and just. It's so exciting when you're younger. And she bought it with her own money. That's such an exciting feeling. So everybody, listener, clap in your ear pods for our sweet Kylie. In that rite of passage of buying your own first car all by yourself, wasn't her first car, but her first individually liberated car.

[Katerina]

Yeah. None of Daddy's money.

[Angie]

That's a big deal. That is a big deal. It makes you feel really good. It makes you feel really good about you.

[Katerina]

It is exciting. Except it's my first car payment.

[Angie]

Oh, yeah.

[Katerina]

But you know.

[Angie]

But you know what? You're building credit.

[Katerina]

Exactly.

[Angie]

Character. I'm just kidding.

[Katerina]

I'm proud of it. I'll actually take care of it.

[Angie]

You will?

[Katerina]

I hope anyone that knows me, I.

[Pumps]

Was just gonna say, Kylie, I mean, I have high expectations and I just know 100%, you are so good at so many things, but keeping a neat car is not one.

[Katerina]

Okay, so I'm gonna skip reviews today because I got sent a little pet project by one of our listeners and friend of the pods named Joe Estrada. So he went to Chat GPT and he sent me these. I'm gonna pop them up. He asked ChatGPT, can you roast the two blonde ladies in this photo? And I just will zoom in on this photo.

[Angie]

Oh, my God.

[Pumps]

So bad.

[Katerina]

It's both girls next to Kamala Harris.

[Angie]

Oh, my God.

[Katerina]

Yes. You describe it as grease ball city.

[Pumps]

Jump straight out of a baby oil bottle, Went straight to meet the vice president. Didn't even brush our hair. And that's the Photoshopped eye, because your eye was closed in that picture originally.

[Katerina]

Okay, so here's what Chat GPT says. Sure. Here's a light hearted roast. Roasty, not toasty. The blonde on the left, which is pumps. Looks like she told her stylist, give me first lady, but make it PTA president. The hat blazer says corporate power but the smile says bakes a mean lemon bar. The one on the right, Jen, she's giving I just closed a deal on a luxury scented candle subscription. With that black suit and bold red lipstick, she looks like she's about to launch a TED Talk on how to dominate your book. And then it asked, all in good fun. Want me to roast anyone else? He says, maybe try less light hearted. So they're turning up the heat. It says Angie on the left. She looks like she stormed the Chanel outlet and declared war on subtly subtlety. That jacket's trying so hard to say classy, it's practically screaming incursive. She's got the energy of someone who's about to ban dancing in a small town footloose villain realness. And then Jen on the right, this one's clearly the cool aunt who calls wine mommy juice and thinks showing up in a pantsuit makes her a feminist icon, holding that notepad like she's moderating a UN summit with it's probably just a podcast where they rant about oat milk. And then it asks, want me to go spicier? He says, yeah, last one pumps on the left. This woman looks like she googled rich woman outfits and just said yes to every result. That jacket, it's giving budget Cruella de Vil who gentrifies neighborhoods and then complains about the coffee being too ethnic. She radiates the vibe of someone who clutches her pearls when someone says the word tik tock. If Botox had a spokesperson with a country club membership and a grudge against weight staff, it would be. And then Jen on the right, she looks like Gwyneth Paltrow if her only side hustle was selling MLM collagen powders on Facebook Live. The power suit says executive, but the posture says forgot to take her Xanax before yelling at her assistant. She's holding that notepad like she's breaking news, but the only headlines she's dropping is why are my nieces wedding? Why? My niece's wedding was disrespectful to me. She doesn't just give unsolicited advice, she monologues it.

[Angie]

You know what? That's really impressive. It's funny. I tell you, I have a really good relationship with ChatGPT. I talk to Pumps about it all the time.

[Pumps]

Yeah, I told her the other day, I said I what I find so amusing about the whole chat GPT is she and I'll be having a conversation and she's like, okay, yeah, well, I asked Chat GPT and they said just like it's a third party person. And it's so funny to me, it is just like a friend.

[Angie]

So I am always with chat GPT asking it like these major intense questions. So I relate to Joe Astradi here because I think we're all in our chat GPT era. Like as a society, like, it's the big thing, my friends that I'm texting is like, oh, let's chat GPT. Like Google is so yesterday, everybody's in the chat GPT and I've asked to do similar stuff than this. Similar stuff like this. But the roasting that is like what I'm going to be doing all night tonight is sending different photos of Josh when he had his man bun era to like when he was chubby.

[Pumps]

Josh, you are hateful. How he will just die.

[Angie]

He's so self deprecating.

[Pumps]

I know, but if you put it in the chappie, she took all.

[Angie]

He's so self.

[Pumps]

All his bad looks though.

[Katerina]

You have to. Jennifer, no, you have to do it now.

[Pumps]

I think it's hilarious too.

[Angie]

And Josh, we die laughing. Like he pulls out old pictures of him with a crazy man bun and a crazy outfit and he sends it to our family group chat text message. And all the boys and I just roast him. And he's the biggest, best on the planet.

[Pumps]

All right.

[Angie]

Like, I don't know who you're talking about, but the one thing that he's always been so fun about and gracious about and like my, my favorite attribute of his is how self deprecating he is. I know.

[Pumps]

He's just so vain.

[Katerina]

Okay, today, do you guys want to listen to some voice memos?

[Angie]

Yes.

[Katerina]

Okay. Up first, we've got one from Phoenix.

[James]

Hi, ladies. Hi, lesbians. It's James from Bristol in the uk. I'm sitting here in my car in traffic, so don't worry. I'm on my phone and I've just had a new. I've had it. Which I didn't think was on my cards for 2025. So I've just noticed or seen an article that the tiger king has met a sixth husband in prison. Now, I've been married once and that was a complete nutter shit show. So the thought of getting married not once, not twice, but six times makes me feel sick. I mean, that's absolute MAGA mentality there. But the other thing I've had it with is whose hobbies are going to prison to meet husbands? I don't understand that. I mean, I don't have A hobby. I like to stay home in my pajamas with a glass of wine, watching whatever shit Netflix has to throw at me. But the thought of getting up, getting dressed, putting on a full face and going to meet a convicted felon to then marry baffles the mind. I mean, of course there are Stanley Cups involved, I have no doubt about that. But what on God's earth encourages people to do? I have no idea. So that's my had it. I've also had it with white middle aged men, straight white middle aged men, but that's for another time.

[Angie]

So the Tiger King guy, I don't know if we've told this story on the show or not, but like back before he was incarcerated, Josh was doing photography and he got hired by gq. And I go, what are you doing today? He's like, I have to drive to Henrietta or Marietta, some small town, Oklahoma, and I'm photographing this guy that lives with all these tigers. So Josh drives out there and he meets the guy and his two husbands at the time and he does like an all day long photo shoot of the Tiger King Josh. And Josh is out there with the Man Bun photographing this. This guy before he goes to prison and before the documentary is made and before COVID And so I remember he came back and go, what was that guy like? I've seen the billboards on my drive to Dallas sometimes. What's he like? He goes, the craziest fucking shit you've ever seen. He's gay, he's got two husbands, he has a Donald Trump flag up, but then he walks around with a gun on. It's the weirdest fucker I've ever seen in my life. And he rolling around with all these tigers. I go, was he nice? He goes, yeah, I guess I was a fucking freak. But whatever, you know, Josh is pretty whatever about stuff. So then Covid happens, Everybody watches the Tiger King and then everybody wants photos of the Tiger King. So Josh's phone's like ringing off the walls because we he has like thousands of pictures of Joe Exotic with all the tigers.

[Pumps]

Yeah, I remember seeing the billboards too. I never went down there. Had I known how crazy that shit was getting down there, I probably would have gone. I never took my kids, my mom took my at once. But the Joe Exotic thing is crazy. I mean, it's such a sample of rural Oklahoma, I think. But you know, I'm like obsessed with the dating websites for prison inmates and married after incarceration or whatever it's called. I've watched the show. I do not get it. I do. I'm with him 100,000%. How does this happened?

[Angie]

I just think your fascination with it and the fact that it's escalated to looking at websites and the declarative statements that you never marry or date anybody. I think it's gonna happen for you. I. I just. I do. I do. I think. And I think you'll justify it. You'll be like, you know, I didn't want to date anybody that lived in the same town as me.

[Pumps]

Well, I mean, that would be the upside. There would be absolutely no bugging me at night or getting in my evening routine.

[Katerina]

Okay, up next, we've got Amy.

[Amy]

Jennifer M. Pumps. You just rock my world every single day. I listen to your podcast. Jennifer, you are my queen. I want to thank you for taking down Rahm Emanuel. He said that he values schools over gay and trans rights, and I just want to remind everybody that he closed 50 schools in Chicago in black and brown neighborhoods. So thank you for taking him on and telling him to shut up. Number two, I have had it with advertisers putting their stupid little children on commercials, saying, please buy my daddy's cars. Please buy my daddy's air conditioner. Who cares about what your kids look like or sound like? It makes me not want to shop with you. So thank you for putting your kids on, because now I know who not to shop with. Anyway, ladies, have a great day. You make mine every single day.

[Angie]

Have you seen the ads with it? Yes, you have?

[Pumps]

I have. And I feel the exact same way she does. I'm just like. It's like pageant mom style stuff. It's like, you know, Jim Bob's roofing. Let my dad Jim Bob. And it's like, your kid's not that cute. Now. Nobody wants to do business with you because they think your kids at work all the time. People. I hate kids.

[Angie]

I just. I think that's. That is really weird. And here's the thing, like, when you get to that whole performative parenting and trotting the kid out, I just always think a lot of that is a red flag for something.

[Pumps]

I agree. But I also think there's a fundamental problem with parents, a lot of parents, not all parents, that they think my kid is so cute. No one could see my kid advertising my roofing business and not immediately call me, because my kid's so cute. My kid's so special. And I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Nobody thinks your kid's as cute as you do. That's just. That is the law of the universe. Stop it already.

[Katerina]

Okay, next we've got Caroline.

[Angie]

Hello, it's Caroline.

[Katerina]

I'm from Tampa, Florida. Yes, it's enemy territory out here. But I just want to say I fucking had it with the conservative brainwashed bigot magas who are actually considering Trump being the Pope.

[Angie]

I'm sick of all this Pope shit.

[Katerina]

I'm sick of the Trump 2028. But yet here we are making a racist white woman who called a black.

[Angie]

Kid a slur an absolute multimillionaire in a day.

[Katerina]

It really is truly inspiring.

[Angie]

Okay, this white woman on a playground, a little autistic, I believe maybe on the spectrum I could be getting the facts wrong. Kylie, you can Google it. The little boy, the black boy maybe tried to take her son's toy or something. Very typical playground stuff. Nothing alarming, nothing troubling. You know, we say, oh, honey, that's his. And everybody moves on. Or oh, hey, Cher. Well, she goes and grabs her kid, her white kid and calls the five year old the N word and doubles down and triples down on the N word. No, it gets posted on the Internet and MAGA has raised, I think close to a million dollars in this woman's def. That called a five year old boy the N word. That's who these people are. They claim they're not racist, but the minute they can send somebody who uses the N word money, they do it. But then they say to the left, oh, you just think everybody's racist. Well, maybe quit calling 5 year olds the N word. But. And then they all send money. But something that, I mean, something I have thought about. You and I both know somebody who is racist that uses the N word. And you said to me, you think this person does not believe they're racist. And I can't quit thinking about that.

[Pumps]

Yeah, I would think if you, if you put truth sermon, I think pass with flying colors in their own mind.

[Angie]

That these people that use the N word do not believe that they are racist.

[Pumps]

I. I really don't think.

[Angie]

And you think they would say that word to. No matter who the audience is.

[Pumps]

I just don't think they have an audience that they're around. An audience that would like bat an eyelash.

[Angie]

So they're just surrounded by other races.

[Pumps]

Right.

[Angie]

That's just. When. When you tell me that that is. I've been thinking about that. That is devastating to me that a person could do that with impunity.

[Pumps]

Oh, it's gross.

[Angie]

And not be gross in as a society that there is a correction that there is a that word and that history has been painful. It has been egregious human rights violations that that has not been reconciled and.

[Pumps]

It'S still living and breathing in 2020.

[Angie]

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[Pumps]

What I like about giving the dogs unkibble is it's 100 whole fresh ingredients like USDA meats, fruits and vegetables. But it's 40% less expensive than frozen food.

[Angie]

Yeah, and this is like human grade food. Which is why my dogs like it so much. It's not this hyper crop processed kibble that you traditionally get. It's UN Kibble. And our Frenchies listeners, I'm telling you guys, they love it and they are just as happy as can be healthier. And I've noticed mine just looked svelte. Now that they're on the Unkibble listener upgrade your pet bowl with Spot and Tango Unkibble. For a limited time go to spotandtango.com and use code had it to get 50 off your first order. That's spotandtango.com had it code had it to get 50 off YOUR first order. Spotandtango.com had it again. That code is had it. You guys know how dog obsessed pumps and I are. Like we enjoy our dogs and we'll just say it loud and proud a little bit more than we do our children. So their health and well being is incredibly important to us. And that's why today's episode is proudly sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. When you have a pet, you love taking care of them because in their own way, let's face it, they take care of us. But even if you're the best pet parent in the world, unpredictable things can happen. Fortunately, you can always give your care a boost with ASPCA Pet Health Insurance.

[Pumps]

It gives you such peace of mind that you can focus on your pet's health and not the cost of the treatment for them.

[Angie]

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[Caroline]

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[Peyton]

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[Katerina]

Okay, up next we've got Peyton or.

[Caitlin]

Caitlin, the host and producer of my favorite DEI podcast. My name is Peyton and what I have had it with like you guys is personal space invaders. I think it even goes further to include emotional and auditory space invaders. These are the people who you're like, in a nail salon where everyone just quietly understands that it's going to be a relaxing silent experience. And then some loudmouth has a full on phone conversation with someone or two loudmouths walk in and are like screaming across the whole place. It's just as egregious as invading my personal space. Nobody cares what you have to say. Like the main character delusion of these people is over the top. I've totally had it with that. I know that you all are not like that, which is why I love you so much. I watch and listen to you all day long at work, at home, and I just want to say keep up the good work and I love you.

[Pumps]

That's sweet, Peyton. She's 100% right. That needs to be added to the list. There is nothing worse than somebody being on a phone in public and talking loud like everybody gives a shit. It's lack of self awareness on steroids.

[Angie]

It is. And I just think sometimes when you see people in public, it's just, sometimes it's fine just to be like, hey, how are you? And then that's the end. You don't have to come over and squeeze them and start asking how their kids are. Sometimes it's just fine to, to do a good, you know, a warm, a wave emphasis like, hey, it's so good to see you. And then just let everybody have their space. Because I get so tired of seeing people in public and then feeling this obligatory like, like she said, if you're in the manicure pedigree, do you have to go over? Do you have to catch up? Do you have to say where your kids are going to school, what grade your kids are in, what sports they're playing? Does anybody even really care? Do I really care about the answers to their questions? We just need to just pass by all of that.

[Pumps]

Yeah, you're right. Because it's like I ran into somebody at the nail salon not long ago that I hadn't seen in 20 years and it was the whole catch up thing. And I just thought, We've lived 20 years without knowing anything about each other and we were both fine. But I'm so glad to see you. That's. That should just be the new rule. Like, if we've lived this many years without catching up, we're probably fine to just say hi and keep moving.

[Angie]

Yeah, it's like. It's like a weird dynamic where we need to stay connected. But what level are performative pleasantries more like damaging than they are helpful? You know, like, because for me, having to sit through that damages I leave damaged. You know what I mean? I hear a lot of information, and it takes a lot of time that I'm never going to get back. And I feel damaged by the obligatory pleasantry. I would rather just do a real firm hey, hey, hey. And then just mosey on.

[Pumps]

How was that?

[Angie]

Again? Good to see you.

[Pumps]

I like the thumbs up.

[Angie]

Just, you know, like, good to see you. Like, you're. You're a person that I kind of like. And then just.

[Pumps]

And that's it.

[Angie]

Skate out.

[Pumps]

Yeah.

[Angie]

You know, because then I realized, like, as I'm talking to these people, sometimes you already know what everybody's doing by virtue of following each other on Instagram.

[Pumps]

Right. So it's really as way more unnecessary than it used to be.

[Angie]

I met this woman last night, and she said, this is going to seem weird, but I know that you're friends with such and such, because I follow her on Instagram and I've seen her post pictures of you all, and I'm like, yeah, I am friends with her. So then we talked about the mutual friends, kids, you know what I mean? Like, how'd we get here? We didn't need. We don't even even need to talk. Just, hi, nice to meet you. Hi, nice to meet you. Eh, but we feel so obligated to have these conversations that I ended up talking about kids that weren't my own. She was talking about kids that weren't her own. And I can guarantee you we both left the moment damaged. Neither one of us left that moment better. People.

[Pumps]

Right?

[Angie]

We left with a deficit in time. And talking about kids that we don't give a shit about, that's kind of funny. You know, I just don't think it's helpful. I'm all for having a helpful conversation. Like, if you see somebody and they're like, oh, my God, Angie, you know, I. I heard that you were sober, and I read your book, and that helped me so much, and I just wanted to say thank you. That's a helpful conversation. Right. You know that. That's a helpful situation. But, oh, my God, my kid, you know, he just started Second grade and we're having problems with the teacher.

[Pumps]

Yeah.

[Angie]

You're like, is that damaging or helpful?

[Pumps]

It's damaging.

[Angie]

Yeah.

[Pumps]

We'll put that in the damaging category.

[Angie]

Kylie, do lesbians have damaging conversations?

[Katerina]

Yeah, 100%. I just think that's across the board. Everybody.

[Pumps]

Yeah. And I think it goes back to the awkward silence between people and you really don't know how to act.

[Katerina]

Here's the thing. I'm less bothered by it than you guys. Just at home.

[Angie]

My ripe age.

[Katerina]

I think it's age. Yeah. So it doesn't bother me as much yet.

[Angie]

Any, like, that kind of small talk?

[Katerina]

Yeah, I'm fine with it.

[Pumps]

I think I was fine with it when I was 29 years old. I'm sure I was. I was probably the worst offender.

[Angie]

I'm trying to remember. I feel like when you have kids.

[Pumps]

That'S when it kind of changes, you.

[Angie]

Know, I just feel like when you have kids, you go through a period where you're just trying to raise them and keep them alive and fed and out of a fire that I don't have a memory of. Small talk bothered me or not. I'm kind of thinking it would have. Yeah, I know it would have because I remember, like, when I would come home if the babysitter gave me too many details about the care for the children, I started mentally checking out.

[Pumps]

Yeah. I remember we had one babysitter that was our absolute favorite because we would walk through the door and it would be like, peace out. And she would leave and we'd be like, we love her.

[Angie]

Yeah. That's the best. Less is more.

[Pumps]

Less is more. More.

[Katerina]

I will say this, being around you guys 24, 7, 365, these things stand out to me more when they didn't before I started this job.

[Pumps]

Yeah.

[Katerina]

See, it's ruining me.

[Pumps]

We're preparing you.

[Angie]

Do you think that makes, do you think that makes you better or worse? I'm thinking worse.

[Katerina]

No. I've been trying to figure out if I've gotten better or worse.

[Angie]

I mean, I, I, this is what I think. Like, I feel like we could feel like maybe we're corrupting Kylie.

[Pumps]

Yeah.

[Angie]

And with cynicism.

[Pumps]

Yeah, Cynicism.

[Angie]

Yeah. I mean, that's just. Well, you know, I mean, it's just tough work.

[Pumps]

Yeah. It's coming any. Either way as you get older. So just. You're more prepared now.

[Katerina]

Yeah.

[Angie]

I do think we're. I, I do think we're identifying obstacles that you can be aware of in your future.

[Pumps]

Right. I think it's helpful.

[Katerina]

Yeah. I'm just less blissfully unaware.

[Pumps]

That's the thing.

[Angie]

Here's the thing about being blissfully unaware. This woman sitting to the left of me was blissfully unaware. And then all of a sudden, she discovered everything that she believed in her life to be true and decent and good was bullshit. And to talk about a spiral down a toilet with green slime and despair.

[Pumps]

Yeah. So I would rather have known a little bit all along versus just wake up one day when I was 38 and realize everything in my life was a lie. Everything I believed was a lie. Everything was a lie.

[Angie]

Lie. She literally, you guys, she would look at me and say things like, but everything was supposed to be perfect.

[Pumps]

Yeah.

[Angie]

So that's what happens if you believe the blissfully unaware lie.

[Pumps]

Yeah. So I think it. I now, I really.

[Angie]

You know, there's like, there's some people in my life that are, like, apolitical and what do you think about that? Like, part of me, I'm jealous. Right.

[Pumps]

That's what I was going to say.

[Angie]

Part of that, like. But I also think we'd be remiss if we didn't point out that that's a privilege.

[Pumps]

Right.

[Angie]

When politics don't affect you because you have enough money and the right color of skin and you live in the right neighborhood, et cetera, then you have the luxury of being apolitical. But if you're affected by something, if you're gay or you have a gay child or you're mixed race or black or, you know, know on a student visa or what have you, then you have to give a shit about it.

[Pumps]

Yeah, I 100% feel the same way. Part of me is jealous. Like, I read a deal on how many people didn't like, you know, the opinion of elon Musk, and 4% didn't know who he was. And I just thought, I wish I was part of that 4%. You know, like, they get a complete pass on all this crazy. They're just running around not knowing that Donald Trump's turning it into an authoritarian country. They're not worried about Elon Musk with all their private information. So I'm kind of jealous. But then on the other hand, I'm like, get on the Internet and learn what's going on. Like, become active in this. You need to know, and whether you like it or don't like it, you're for it or against it. At least you're informed. But then they get on Fox News and go to Tucker Carlson, and then I think, I just wish I would have stayed with the 4%.

[Angie]

Yeah, I, you know, I think that when people get to Fox News and if they can literally watch 20, 30 minutes of that and genuinely think that their intelligence is not being insulted, then there's no help for those people. Like, because every time I watch or even see the clips that we play on ihip News, I think, do they think I'm dumb? Do those people sitting there talking think I'm dumb? And then I realized, like, the, the problem we have with education, I think at the national average of reading level, sixth grade or something. So you have people that are not big thinkers or deep thinkers, critical thinkers or voracious readers or learners. They all gravitate to the stupid factory, to the dumb factory, which is Fox News. And it makes them dumber. I mean, like, when I watch it, I think I'm getting dumber.

[Pumps]

Like, I lost an IQ point in total half hour.

[Angie]

Totally. There's no critical thinking. It's just this histrionic freak out the libs. And they don't even stand for anything. They used to stand for small government and now they defend Donald Trump blowing the government up and overreaching. Right. You know, it's insane not following the law. Yeah, they suck all right, I guess. Is that it, Kylie?

[Katerina]

Yeah, we should probably just call it on that note.

[Angie]

We should call it on that note. Oh, my God. We have a book that's coming out. It's called Life is a Lazy Susan. No, I'm drunk.

[Pumps]

Now you're drunk.

[Angie]

Life is a lazy Susan of shit sandwiches. Please go to our link in our bio and pre order the book. We are also doing a live show in New York at the 92nd Street Y on May 27. Dawn Lemon is our moderator and make sure you get tickets for that. It's the only stop we're doing on this book tour because we don't want to be out with people. Basically, we're agoraphobic. Yeah. Trump's America is making us agoraphobic. So come to that show to see us get groups of friends together and we'll all be a bonobo.

[Pumps]

Yes.

[Angie]

Of the bonobo show. And then we have merch and a bunch of other. And so just follow us and pumps.

[Pumps]

Tell them we will see you next Tuesday and Thursday.

[Angie]

Tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with that. Listen up, patriots, gaytriots and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America always served with a side of petty grievances.

[Pumps]

We are on all the available platforms. Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcast and YouTube.

[Angie]

Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps. Pumps. What does an eagle say?

[Pumps]

Caca.

[Angie]

A little bit more enthusiasm. That's it. That's, that's, that's the patriotism that this country needs right there.

[Jennifer]

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[Angie]

I'm a lawyer like the old TV.

[Jennifer]

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